Townsville (and the Daily Astonisher) Definitely Need A Statue of Limitations … and a reality check.

Also, Peter Typo Gleeson – a News Corpse Nostradamus – not!!

Labor puts the knocking back into door-knocking …

… and is an election hardening up in Charlie’s Trousers?

But first, a touch of house-keeping. The ‘Pie likes to be ahead of everyone but himself, but that’s what happened last week. The old bird misread a scribbled date, and suggested we would hear from mayoral hopeful Jayne Arlett during the week. We will in fact hear learn Ms Arlett’s intentions next Tuesday or Wednesday.

The ‘Pie reckons it’s odds on she will run, but she’s a sheila, ya never know, do ya?.

Now, the inevitable …

If reporter Sam Healey milks every last drop from a story to earn the soubriquet The Milkmaid, she is no match for The Milkman, iditor Pinocchio Heywood.

As predicted, it stuck out like prawns eyes what we were in for – and for the first couple days, greatly deserved as they were : wall-to-wall coverage of the Cowboys return home with that trophy.

But the flogging of a dead horse knows no bounds when the paper mistakenly thinks it is on to a circulation bonanza, so it promptly set about killing all interest in the publication, with front pages about – Wednesday a bloke with a Cowboy tattoo (front page!?!), Thursday – a baby born after the game (oh, c’mon, mate), Friday, Mayor Mullet and a Labor colleague wearing Cowboys scarves and Saturday, the only legit fronter of the lot.

One trembles to think that this is likely to go on until the start of that equally riveting round of annual eye-poppers ‘Santa Bounces Baby On Knee’, closely followed in late January ‘Is It Too Early For Hot Cross Buns In Supermarkets?.

A digression: … and the website edition yesterday had a similar baby drama story with the way-too-close-to-too-much-information headline ‘Short Route For Baby’).

Another digression: In Dallas, there was a similar hullabaloo about that city’s new stadium and its spiralling costs … one just hopes that critics vision over there doesn’t become our reality.

But is all of this palaver about stadiums, statues and boom times making this town look like spoilt brats, with a misplaced sense of entitlement? Well into the inside the Bulletin, there are more and more regular stories about drought stricken farmers and their families having to walk off the land, or worse. It is a human tragedy of massive proportions, which affects us all, yet we here in Townsville want more from the state government than the promised (ha!) $100 million for a footy ground, we want the Feds to cough up millions for an integrated convention/entertainment centre, we’re questioning the state’s $4million promised for a bus hub – the government’s stalling tactics suggests that money ain ‘t there either – and now we want more cash for a statue (see below).

Bentley’s eloquent pen puts the stark reality to all this.

Good news is all very well and welcome, but where is the fervor and drum beating to help out in this disaster on our doorstep? The badgering and urging the governments to do more?

Folks, the age of entitlement really is over. Just ask those farmers.

Casting Aspersions On Casting Statues

Christ Townsville, where is your real pride?

In this age of instant everything, it’s not surprising that suddenly, we (apparently should) want a bronze statue cast of Johnathan Thurston. Although it seems a tad unwise for such a move until the person so honored has retired, it is not an unreasonable idea – except for one thing.

During the week, a request for a signature on a petition floated into the nest, seeking names to back the idea. The ‘Pie was about to sign when he noted an accompanying raison d’etre.

Why should the state government and perhaps more importantly, the city council, be involved, presumably to make up the financial shortfall of the projected $70,000 cost? The Astonisher is backing its brainchild with $5000 (taken out of its promotional budget), as is the Cowboys Club, and fang-farrier deluxe Daryl Holmes. That leaves $55,000 to be found.

SO … instead of a bullying, begging petition which will yet again show Joe Hockey to be a presumptuous goose when he said the age of entitlement is over, why not a pledge site through PayPal for the ordinary fans to chip in? Are they ever going to pay for anything?

The Ever Humble, Helpful ‘Pie To The Rescue

Knowing Pinocchio Heywood’s losing mud-wrestle with maths, The ‘Pie offers this breakdown.

There were 25,000 fans greeting the team at both the airport and the stadium, with many not able to make it. And as the Morgan polling people showed in last week’s blog, the Cowboys have 389,000 supporters. But let’s cut that figure by two thirds, taking out kids, pensioners and other folks who either can’t afford it or don’t want any of their rates or taxes to (involuntarily) go towards a statue. In round figures, that leaves 130,000 who one is entitled to believe would be willing to put their hand in their own pockets to support their enthusiasm, and not expect unwilling forced contributions they have no right to expect from others.

So, lick that pencil lead and get the back of an envelope, Pinocchio, here it is.

Worst case scenario: putting aside the current euphoria factor and taking just the average match attendance of 15,000 as the number willing to donate, each would be up for the unprincely sum of $3.65 each. That is – $3.65.

Best case scenario: those 130,000, despite many not being Townsville residents but proud Queenslanders, if they put their hands where their hearts are, they would each have to cough up a wallet-whacking 42 cents. Again, 42 cents!

Even ‘bester’ case scenario: Reasonable to suggest that when people are asked to contribute to any project, charitable or otherwise, the average would easily be five bucks. So, on the available numerical projections (no, Pinocchio!! don’t attempt it, let The ‘Pie do it for you), there would need to be 11,000 kind folk coughing up a fiver … if the pledge is printed in the Bulletin, it would require a take-up rate of just two thirds of those buying papers.

 

The absolute stellar case scenario:

 This came this exchange from the comments file during the week.

 Kingswood 

 October 8, 2015 at 1:33 am  (Edit)

There’s a bronze statue in town already, Robert Towns. Perhaps that could be melted/recycled.

Depending on what history you read, he was either a visionary businessman or a blackbirder. Or both.

• The Magpie

 October 8, 2015 at 6:58 am  (Edit)

And if the sculptor is to be believed a short arse as well, so not enough there for our JT. But wouldn’t it be a wonderful irony if the statue of a racist slaver (which he was) were melted down and recast as a statue of one of our greatest indigenous citizens.

That would knock another few thou off the cost.

And anyone who is dense enough to buy the tendentious drivel that the state government and the council should stump up because the statue will boost tourism, well, there’s plenty of spare spots you can rest your weary greedy little unentitled arses out at the recently expanded Secure Mental Health Facility at TH.

As commenter Grumpy said during the week …

• Grumpy

“Maud, cancel the trip to the Gold Coast, we’re going to Townsville – they won the NRL grand final.’ Said no-one, ever.

Maybe if some of these tossers took a firmer grip on reality than they do of themselves, they would have a greater appreciation of the absurdity of their ridiculous claims.

Quite.

The Nostradamus Of News Corpse? Nah, no way.

Be interesting to see what Sunday Mail Iditor Typo Gleeson has for us tomorrow. (He’s seen above with his special Rupert Award for keeping circulation losses below 70% for the year.) Last week, making up for past braying opinions, he went the ‘We’re All Proud Queenslanders’ route…

… which is a different tune entirely to the start of the season …

Well, you’re right about one thing, me old chump … you can bet they and their fans cut it out from the last Mail they’ll be buying.

That’s what happens to smartarses, mate.

Knock, Knock, Knockin’ on heav … no, wait …

Who said politics can’t be fun, even for the footsloggers. It’s worth wondering just what happened out at Garbutt when Labor went into over zealous overdrive this weekend.

Dear Andrew

I am going out tomorrow to join the fight to save Medicare.

I grew up the US and it seems Malcolm Turnbull, Ewen Jones and the rest of the LNP government are getting their best ideas, including the GP tax, by looking north.

I can tell you first hand about some of the failures of the US system; like my step dad who is a retired public employee and was lucky enough to have had health insurance his whole life.  For 30 years he was loyal to his health care provider.

Because of their rules not once did a doctor put a stethoscope to his chest.  After switching companies, during his first exam his new doctor noticed his heart didn’t sound right, sent him to a cardiologist who diagnosed him with a leaky valve and two weeks later he was under the knife.

I don’t want to see Australia move to the Americanisation of our Healthcare system, Where your wealth determine the Healthcare you receive.

This is why I am supporting Cathy the best way I know how to -

Tomorrow I am meeting some friends at 74 Leyland Street Garbutt at 2:45pm and the we are going out to knock on our neighbours doors, sharing our stories, and asking if they also to want to help save out Medicare by petitioning the government.

But I need you to help me, we need 8 more people to join us – so we can talk to more people and build more community pressure.  

Can you give up just 2 hours and join me? If so RSVP by here.

Hope you can help!

Ewan Hughes
Campaign Leader

Hmmm, ‘sharing their stories’? Asking if they want to help save Medicare? Now that would be interesting.

Although much of that area is industrial, it is also the home to Townsville’s two best known legal brothels, Bluebirds on (the connected) Carmel, and on ther other side,  Australian Maid,on Hugh Ryan Drive.

Knocking up the knocking shops is a novel idea, but it does raise the question, do the door knockers have to pay in advance for the chat? Not quite knock, knock, knockin’ on heaven’s door, but close enough for some. Anyone missing among the volunteers?

While We’re On The Subject

The ‘Pie recalls when he was at The Astonisher, he had (professional cause to ring the Australian Maid. When the phone was answered, The Pie asked for the owner/manager, only to be told that ‘he can’t, he’s tied up at the moment.’

Pie: ‘What’s he doing, product testing?’

Silence. Click.

And the old yarn about the madam answers a knock on the brothel door, to find a bloke in a wheel chair, with no arms and no legs.

‘What do you want?’

‘What do you reckon?’

‘But you’ve got no arms or legs!’

‘I knocked on the bloody door, didn’t I?’

Boom tish.

An election is hardening in Charlie’s Trousers.

Seems council election fever is starting a sweat on a few brows out at Charters Towers.

The Pie Spy out there says folks are starting to talk about all sorts of angles.

Spy reports many are unhappy about the fact that most councillors have other jobs, which is apparently allowed on a council at Charters Towers level.

Other issues are said to be the lack of public sightings of all but one or two of the councillors – of course, it is doubtful if all of councillor Wally Brewer’s public appearances are appreciated – he’s a local copper. But Spy says he is one who gets out chats about issues.

There also concerns that some people in the rural areas of the Charters Towers Regional Council pay the same rates as everyone else, but have no garbage collection or sewerage connections. Maybe that’s why former Dalrymple Shire boss Ben Calcott is rumoured to thinking about running again, although his last outing after amalgamation must be a painful memory … he was flogged.

Some see Mayor Frank Beveridge as a bit too authoritarian – the word dictator popped up – and it could be a family affair, with his councilor dad and former mayor Brian Beveridge thinking about challenging junior. That’ll make the Beveridge breakfast table a lively affair.

The Pie spy will be keeping a beady eye on trends in the Towers.

A Restaurant Dynasty – keeping it in the family.

A couple of interesting moves in the ‘Ville’s busy noshery industry.

Ming and Bridget Wong are one of the low profile power business couples in town, having built up a portfolio of half a dozen Chinese restaurants here and one in Ayr, and some canny property investments.

Now it looks like the next Wong generation is getting in on the act. Siblings Julian and Jacquie Wong have taken over the lease on Flinders Street East creekside venue Monsoon’s Bar and Grill, within dim sim throwing distance of the flagship Ming’s Dynasty and across the road from the Capitol.

Julian says they want to bring the emphasis more back to food, and to that end, are open for lunch as well as dinner and late night drinks from an expanded booze … er, sorry – beverage list. The food is at the economical end of the market, but you wouldn’t know it. The J & J show is touting a $10 lunch special as a come-on for people to try out venue. You can book a waterside table on 0744 431 540.

And at the moment, it’s a J, J & J affair

The third J is for Jason, as in Makara, who dropped off the foodie radar earlier this year when he sold his share in ever thriving Palmer Street eatery Michel’s.

Under the terms of the sale, what are called ‘restrictive convenants’ prevent Jason owning or operating a business – restaurant or catering – for some time yet.

So he is doing cooking classes for interested groups, and is a kitchen consultant. So he was brought in to help start up the new Monsoon’s operation, training up new permanent chef Dwayne Gadsby, who came across from the Jupiters.

Jason will continue is a consulting role around town, general relief chefing and maybe the odd dinner party, but he says in the middle of next year, he and the family are heading off to Spain to try his luck in the industry there.

Good luck, mate, and thanks for all the great feeds over the past 10 or more years, you’ve helped make the Magpie the well-rounded bird that he is.

From America, without love

The out of control gun control laws in the United States have a direct impact on the inexcusable incidents of domestic violence. But weapon availability is spawning a new class of crime, making the victim look like the perpetrator.

But there are those who hang in there, but manage to have the last laugh.

And finally, we end with a tear … then a final laugh (if you’re not a Pom)

Have a look at this TV commercial from Argentina. This one ad justifies claims that advertising provides some of the best material shown on the box. Go right to the end, it ain’t long, but you’ll only get the truly thought-provoking explanation with the final four words. (Thanks to MK for sending it.)

But that is nowhere near as sad as this lot.

If you enjoyed this post, maybe you can help keep the ball rolling with a donation, it will be much appreciated.