It’s ‘J’ Week .. Jayne, Jenny, Justin, Jesus and JT … the last two being tautology around here.

This week … what Jayne Arlett must do to become mayor of Townsville – and she has to do it immediately, because it is what Jenny Hill can’t do.

Anthony Galoot Galloway bids us – and the Astonisher – farewell – with what will possibly be his final story today reminding us why we won’t be shedding too many tears.

Also, The ‘Pie puts together a brief pictorial history of the recent trajectory of Comet Abbott …

… and will the planned air show in the ‘Ville next year match a mesmerizing and mysterious effort in the US? Not bloody likely!

But first …

Well, It Can’t Be Avoided …

As the song says, the Cowboys are our boys, and while usually The Magpie tends to leave sports matters to others, it would be churlish not to wish JT and his band of bruvvers all success tomorrow. Bentley’s tipping … well guess.

Big events also throw up trivial facts, so here’s a couple you won’t see elsewhere around town. In a most unexpected manner, Townsville is one up on some southerners already. The Curious Snail has come up with a colorful commemorative front page.

The interesting thing is that that dazzling artwork is by a Townsville bloke – web design wizard Lee Olsen, at www.shiftrefresh.com.au/‎

Lee had posted this art work on his Facebook page, where someone at the Curious Snail saw it. One thing led to another, and voila, a Townsville boy is on the Brisbane’s front page. Good on yer.

And here’s something else of interest to trivia buffs. What is the relative size of the two teams fan base? The Roy Morgan survey people listed a comparison of lifestyle factors for fans of both teams, and apart from the surprising gender disparity and size, other matters are so close it simply proves we’re all Queenslanders.

Here’s the full Morgan report.

But There Is A Price To Pay For Success.

When the Boy’s (hopefully) get up, it will trigger a burst of the Astonisher’s favourite activity of mercilessly assailing a deceased equine. We will get wall-to-wall Cowboy stories, and it won’t be long before we’re cowboyed out’.

If it was only that,  we could cop it for a stellar performance, but what will be tedious in extremis will be a barrage of tendentious drivel about the Cowboys success being further reason for a stand-alone stadium in the CBD. The Astonisher has done a great job boosting the Boys, despite alarming Twitter visions like this.

Using the Cowboys already laudable performance as a prod for a stand-alone stadium is of course total horsefeathers.

Mark this: the most crucial and attractive game on paper this year … the home final against Cronulla – attracted a crowd of just 21,000 to the 26,000+ capacity stadium.Even then it took a blitz in the paper of free giveaway, exhortations and pleading for fans to get out to the game. The ‘Pie suspects that ticket and catering prices have a lot to do with it, because the community is without a doubt nuts for the team. These factors are a big part of why the average annual attendance hovers around 15,000. On top of that, the current venue allows Townsville to promote our lifestyle on national television, being one of a small number of grounds where a family can still  spread a rug on the grass as of old and enjoy the footy together.

Probably won’t hear too much from the Astonisher sock puppets about the current government seeming not to have the $4million for a sorely needed CBD bus hub, but they will witter on endlessly about the $100million ‘promise’ (ha suckers!) that a fiscally responsible council won’t agree to spend on a stadium alone.

You’ve been warned.

Melbourne’s Loss Is Townsville’s Gain

This week requires the re-working of an old trope: everyone brings happiness to Townsville … some when they arrive, others when they leave.

Anthony Galoot Galloway is heading off to Melbourne, it is said to the Herald Sun. Which would be good, the Hun, as it is known in the trade, has somewhat higher standards than The Galoot has been enjoying in his Townsville stint.

And he will get his arse kicked until his nose bleeds if he tries the sort of unprofessional negative flapdoodle he wrote in today’s Astonisher.

Flak? What bloody flak.

This story is a good example of the paper’s negative agenda, turning a positive into a spurious negative.

In a nutshell, Renita Garard, a former Townsvillean, gold medal Olympian (hockey) and now a Brisbane-based highly regarded director with the PricewaterhouseCoopers global accounting mob has been appointed to replace Pat Brady as chair of the Port of Townsville.

You’d think that’d be a good news yarn for the community to feel good about, but no, someone (personally The ‘Pie thinks it is Galloway himself) yet again bangs the broken drum of ‘we wuz robbed’. Galloway quaintly describes his unidentified knocker as ‘A source close to the appointment process’, whatever that means – the tea lady, maybe. Said source reckons the position, for some reason, should’ve gone to a local ‘… it sends a message that there’s no one living in the local community who is capable enough for the position,” our mystery person thunders (who  ironically, may be right).

This is the paper’s idea of being all for the north … even when it’s positive news, they go out to find a negative to make us feel cheated again. And they just don’t get it that the whole community is fed up with this mealy-mouthed approach. Don’t believe it, Pinocchio? Then have look at your readership and circ figures. Any pennies dropping? No, didn’t think so.

Two things are clear … on his current form, Galloway is a boil on the bum of journalism (and one suspects the collective IQ of both the ‘Ville and Melbourne will go up when he moves), and the Townsville Bulletin is, a prophylactic on the penis of progress.

On The Starting Line

About next Tuesday or Wednesday, the Jayne and Jenny Hootenanny starts, with the two gals going toe-to-toe for the right to wear the scarlet possum-fur trimmed mayoral robes of our fair city.

But this not going to be any sedate Waterloo-type set battle … more a mud wrestle in a pit of warm baked beans. The ‘Pie kicks off six months of his usual bombastic commentary by revealing the two things that Jayne Arlett must do immediately to get an early momentum and advantage – because they are both what Jenny Hill can’t do.

The first of these equally important matters is that the name Arlett should NOT be part of any new team name. If the rumours are correct, The ‘Pie opines this would be a tactical blunder of telling proportions.

For several reasons.

First Ms Arlett doesn’t have a public profile of the proportions necessary for such a risky move. People are now wary of politicians of any stripe putting their name into their party’s title – Katter, Palmer, Lambie, Hanson, Xenophon – there is a perception that sort of titling only comes from people who – as one political chum put it – are up themselves. And Ms Arlett is in the general sense, unknown … certainly politically.

So for sure, using her name would unfairly invite suggestions of a pugnacious even egotistical intent .

There are plenty of other names if Townsville First has to be ditched (don’t know why it does, only the Astonisher has been dissing them while the city has motored along as well as it can in these times, inflated media expectations notwithstanding). See how well Townsville First did against Team Hill. Would it have been the same result under Team Veitch, Team Parsons or for that matter, would Dale Last have done as well as he did if it was Team Last – a PR nightmare, that name.

NB Team Tyrell did for Team Mooney comprehensively, but Les was a well known and well liked mayor (of Thuringowa) when he went into the amalgamation race.

Making it about Jayne and not about a united team dedicated to uniting the city without the interference of party politics would be, as said, a blunder.

Finally, on this point, partly through her own doing, Jenny is stuck with Team Hill … she’d look a bit silly changing it now, after having prominently run all her minority agendas in the media.

The second matter is much more simple but is related to the above.

Rightly or wrongly, The ‘Pie is told there is a perception out there – well, certainly Labor is putting it about – that Ms Arlett is a bit egotistical and sees herself above getting involved with the hoi polloi. How that conclusion has been reached, The ‘Pie has no idea or concrete information, but perception in everything in politics. So it seems Labor … sorry, independent Team Hill … will be running that scuttlebutt in parallel with an equally questionable agenda – that Jenny is wildly popular ‘in the suburbs’ – whatever that means, the whole city is ‘suburbs’, really. This has already been picked up by the Townsville Bulletin via Hill adviser Dolan Haye). Interesting idea about a woman so divisive and politically tricky that half the local Labor party don’t like or trust her.

So, Arlett can steal a march by immediately addressing these perceptions with a widespread door knock campaign. Starting Day One. This has a threefold effect … showing she is pleased to meet and talk with and listen to the ratepayers, get her face better known, but above all, find out the really important issues in voters minds. Gawd know, she’ll find that out reading vthe Astonisher. This will also help since her campaign and media managers have come in from out-of-town, as Labor (sorry, Hill)  will no doubt shortly import.

Expect Jayne to make an honest woman of herself (politically) next Tuesday or Wednesday.

Holy Balthering Bieber

At an early stage, The ‘Pie was taught the journalistic danger of the Fallacy of Transferred Authority. Celebs have opinions that get wide dissemination because they are celebs, and are treated like they are experts in all sorts of unrelated fields, but said opinions carry no more weight or sense than anyone else’s non-expert opinion.

So when The ‘Pie saw the headline ‘Bieber Debunks Big Bang Theory’, he thought the tiresome little twerp was modestly denying some sexual exploit, or the weight problems of his latest squeeze.

But no … seems he’s decided that it’s all God’s doing after all.

Yup, he’s found God, which means it’s a week God would rather forget.

In a recent interview, Bieber revealed all his insights – don’t ask –  but he did manage to come up with a couple noteworthy quotes when he said he was different from your run-of-the-mill bible bashers.

Quoth he: ‘ I think that with Christians, they’ve left such a bad taste in people’s mouths.” Insert your own insight into the Catholic priesthood here.

And he sagely suggested ‘You don’t have to go to church to be a Christian. If you go to Taco Bell, it doesn’t make you a Taco.’ Quite so, you little Socrates you, , but in your case, if you go to the shit-house, that does make you a … oh, work it out.

Anyway, read this article from The Guardian’s Marina Hyde for some great put-down writing. Hilarious tongue-in-cheek stuff – love the Dawkins reference.

Air Of Anticipation – Not.

The ‘Pie is genuinely looking forward to the Strand air show next year – all previous such displays have been absolute crackers and pull in the crowds like nothing else.

But there are air shows and there are air shows, and they don’t have to be the big military ones to set the heart racing and the mind wondering about the sanity of some people. Such an event has come to us from modest little American town, where the was no shortage of high adrenalin and low flying.

A Pictorial History of Recent Events.

It started in September 2013

And it will go on ….