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The Magpie

Sunday, February 14th, 2021   |   228 comments

Charm Bracelets: Anna’s Goofocracy Thinks Electronic Monitoring Will Work Like A Charm. Somebody Want To Tell Them?

Praise from peers is an inborn natural desire of those belonging to any group. For soldiers, a medal; for actors, a shiny statuette; for journalists, a Walkley Award; for lawless juvenile criminals in Townsville, an electronic monitoring ankle bracelets. It’s  Goofocracy – Government By The Goofiest. Disney should sue.

But while the government’s response to Townsville’s burgeoning youth crime problem is going from bad to nowhere, there is a large part of the solution hiding in plain view – a PROVEN path to dramatically reducing crime, not just in Townsville but all of Queensland. The ‘Pie reveals that it ain’t hard, either.

Some cheery news for Townsville’s Daily Harvey Norman, aka the Bulletin; readership is up a bit year on year, no doubt a COVID kick in the stats, and boosted by the furniture and white goods bargains that fill two thirds of the paper on average.

How to get your a paper sued 101: disregard punctuation and grammar. The Bulletin appoints itself judge and jury, and Andrew Bolt (cough, spit) says rapists shouldn’t be jailed – yes, really, that’s what he said.

And in America, the Republican Party puts itself on trial during of the impeachment vote on Donald Tramp … (not a typo).

But first …

From Bail Houses To Bail Bracelets – Same Old Same Old

There would be a touch of charming TV steak knife salesman about the fanfare with which the Palaszczuk government announced the introduction of GPS monitored ankle bracelets, were it not such an award winning piece of knuckle-headed fuckwittery. These little gizmos will be as effective as the bail house idiocy. One can’t help but think that the brain-damaging practice of chroming has reached the Palaszczuk Cabinet (that would explain a lot of things, actually).

First we’re getting 33 of the bracelets, when the police have told us a core group of a hundred or so known snots is responsible for kiddy crime wave. In the thinking of these chromed-out juveniles, the bracelet is sure to become a badge of honour … and it sure won’t stop any of them hopping into yet another stolen car. Or, as Bentley sees it, the almost certain result that they are removed – maybe with a diversionary tactic thrown in.


Bentley also reckons Anna has one answer for everything.


Just to be clear what we’re up against here with this moral free zone of teenage arsesoles, the quote of the week goes to the one in court, arguing for bail, who told Magistrate Viviana Keegan “It is not even my fault sir, if they want to leave their f-cking door unlocked.” (Just for the record, unless the winsome Ms Keegan has made a dramatic lifestyle decision recently, she surely ain’t no ‘sir.’ And she denied the kid bail.)

The Disgrace Of The Week Goes To Mark ‘Bail House’ Bailey.

This from a swooping Magpie in comments during the week.

The Magpie
6,109 approved
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Submitted on 2021/02/08 at 2:49 pmMark Bailey you are a disgrace. Not just as a politician but as a person.Mark Bailey        00c0b66f4bd3d662e0365a189f3294d7David Crisafulli speaks for all sides of political decency when he calls on you to immediately apologise for your disgraceful ’wrong place, wrong time’ remarks about the death of 22-year-old Jennifer Board.Yesterday, although not making specific reference to Ms Board, you dismissively said, “a number of people have died, who were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and its incredible tragedies (sic).”

That is simply the most callous, offhand and insincere attempt at avoidance of political responsibility imaginable. And deeply wounding to Ms Board’s grieving family and friends, her death airily written off as bad luck. And it takes away responsibility from the alleged vigilasuch calls and the juvenile car thieves, as though they had the right to be where they were, doing what they were doing, and the law-abiding Ms Board didn’t.

Tell you whose in the wrong place ALL the time, Mark … YOU, you pizzling unthinking bastard, the outrage your comments have attracted is nothing to do with politics, it is to do with common human decency and dignity.

You are lacking both, Mark Bailey, proven by your unmitigated gall in replying to calls for an apology by saying such calls were “sadly about personal attacks instead constructive contributions on a serious issue for our community.” Like you’d fucking know about that, you howling insulting imbecile, you are the one with absolutely no perception of the right time and place to be right.

We’ve all given up on you and your government having the courage to take meaningful steps to protect the community and people like Jennifer Board. You have just spelt out why.

Clearly, We Can’t Leave It To The Goofocracy, So What Plan Will Work

Everybody has their two bobs worth on this, so shy and humble as he is, The ‘Pie will venture what he thinks is the immediate and medium way forward.

First of all, one thing that cannot be done is the South American tactic of summary justice for car stealing and drug dealing juveniles.

Summary Justice SA style Screen Shot 2021-02-13 at 6.29.32 pm

First up, a no brainer for the no brains in Brisbane. The core group are known, many wanted for outstanding matters, the coppers know who they are and the coppers are capable – or can easily be made so with a boost by the premier – which she says is going to happen. The current level of heat must be taken to blow torch level with disruptive surprise tactics, the murky early hours gathering raided, and stop and search law regime introduced after a declared hour, gatherings broken up and dispersed. That takes manpower but it can be made available.

And the courts must play a more community focussed role when it comes to benefit of the doubt. The outcome of this can be facilitated by releasing, ahead of time , some offenders deemed less likely to be back in a hurry. The core 100 must be take their place, and rules about overcrowding must be flexible. Two to a cell? Bugger that, make it six, Li-Los on the floor. Let them fight and squabble amongst themselves, further fracturing any subsequent activities. Detention must be made as uncomfortable as is acceptable and safe, and if the enablers of these little bastards are outraged, well, as the Frogs say,  fromage rigide – send them along to argue their grievance with the people who’ve been terrorised in their own homes, had their cars stolen and torched or who have been held up at knife point.

And when any of these little twats get out, then a bolstered police force should be on the their case from day dot. Call it harassment if you will, but it’s about time the harassers became the harassed.

But believe it or not, that’s the easy part. Any gains by this sort of ‘flying squad’ response will need forward looking legislation or it will be wasted.

And Here It Is, Already Tried, Tested And A Runaway Success

American editor Horace Greenley once famously told his reporters ‘Go west, go man, go west.’ And that today is good advice to Anna Palaszczuk, who should look to Western Australia and its wildly successful but little publicised legislative program to solve much of this state’s crime problem.

It might take a little while, and it will probably take some political courage (so don’t get you hopes up), however, legislation short circuiting crime in this way also has has the bonus that it doesn’t hit the taxpayer in the hip pocket – like building mega jails would.

As crime statistics expert Don Weatherburn, talking to The Guardian, sums up the success of the WA laws:

“It’s much easier to control crime by blocking the opportunities for it than it is by scaring the wits out of people who try to offend, or trying to scare the wits out of them.” 

This is a story worth reading.

And the WA numbers really are startling, and the argument persuasive. Now this doesn’t help us much in Townsville right now, but just think, if the reforms in the Guardian story were introduced here a decade ago, would we have the problems we are now experiencing? The answer is almost certainly, no we would not.  If Anna Palaszczuk prevaricates on action to reduce crime,   – waffle waffle – and The Kid runs with it, guess what – another reason to say hello, Premier Crisafulli in 2024.

And Just Hope The Kid Isn’t Kidding

Crisafullis georgia, Tegan, Nicola 98c12a0e917436dd4f3c2c37bff2d41e

In an interview with the Courier Mail today about the Crisafulli background, The Kid said something interesting, viz “I will never oppose something just for the sake of it, if something is a good idea, I will respect it.’

Now the thing there is that that is David Crisfulli, leader of the Opposition speaking. We must all hope, to break out of the terrible two-party lock on this state, that that his philosophy when he is takes over the  government. Consensus shouldn’t be a political sin, especially when something is ‘ a good idea’.

Eau d’Calamity TCC’s PR Disaster

Doesn’t it strike you as strange that severely discoloured drinking water in several Townsville suburbs is such a ho-hum thing for the council. ‘Oh, that, chuckle chuckle’, they say, waving a disparaging hand like Alan in Two and A Half Men caught pleasuring himself in front of the TV.

Coloured water IMG_8952

Telling people that this sort of thing is OK to drink, backed up by a far from widely circulated buzz-word, obscure media release is simply not acceptable. The fact itself is unacceptable in an Australian city, but this is a PR disaster … or would be anywhere else where people have a bit more civic pride and less tolerance for their rates being squandered.

Water sink unnamed

The TCC cocked this up somehow, and then airily says everything is OK because you can still drink the stuff. We like to think of ourselves as part of a first world country, and frankly, this is wholly unacceptable. And just when a 2% rate rise landed in letterboxes this week. But the sheeple snooze on, because for many, it doesn’t effect them. This time. This is third world stuff.


Eventually (with the media taking The ‘Pie’s lead) Jenny Hill was persuaded to drink some of the discoloured water on TV. Very unconvincing – they should’ve insisted she take a bath in it.

Water bath

Actually, can’t be sure that is a genuine discoloured bathwater picture … The Magpie thinks it may well be Aaron Harper’s Saturday morning bathwater after he heard about the accident a week ago Friday.

COVID Has Been Kind To The Astonisher

Well, let’s face it, it’s been kind to all media, really. Yearly readership figures show the Townsville Bulletin has clawed back some readership over the past year, the first year on year rises for a while. Let’s not be churlish about the low base it started from, because a weekday rise of 33%, and picking up 3k on weekend’s is a positive move. Baffling but positive.

Screen Shot 2021-02-12 at 3.32.00 pmReadership for yeart Screen Shot 2021-02-12 at 3.32.20 pm

The big surprise as you’ll see is the Gold Coast Bulletin, which, despite its massive circulation area compared to Townsville, now sells less papers than the Bulletin.  Here’s the full national stats.

But That’s Enough Pillow Plumping For The Bulletin

Not sure who the go-to legal bod is for The Daily Astonisher nowadays, but whoever it is, they can only give wise counsel ahead of time, not after. So it would be interesting to know what their legal bod thought when he/she/it/them/they (can’t be too careful nowadays) saw this.

Screen Shot 2021-02-06 at 10.20.51 am

The simple fact is that ignoring punctuation makes a big difference to judges and juries. Especially in headlines, from which people gain impressions even if they don’t read the story itself. Interesting yarn notwithstanding, this matter is not before court yet and is written from the the claim lodged for trial. The woman in question is claiming more than a million bucks for what she says is medical negligence for not detecting the base of her problem early enough. And The Bulletin agrees with her unproven claim, screaming out that it was … no argument … a ‘bungle’. Simply put, that is yet to be proved and a headline like this can be used by the defence to raise all sorts of questions if the matter comes before a jury.

Really strange error coming from a paper that averages the word ‘alleged’ – mostly incorrectly – dozens of times every week.

And the absence of punctuation in the Astonisher even infests the once-hallowed ground of The Editorial.  And, worse, the very visible headline, which seems to be written in pidgin – are they after a NG readership? See how many times you have to read this to make sense of it, before you insert your own commas.

Editorial 'too' Screen Shot 2021-02-04 at 10.45.58 am

But none of all that goes anywhere near the most bizarre moment of the media week, that honour goes to Andrew Bolt in the Herald Sun in Melbourne for this:

Andrew BoltScreen Shot 2021-02-12 at 4.17.10 pm

WHAT? This is one of the strangest statements from one of the strangest men imaginable. The simple answer for this simple man is … because they rape young boys.

Well, now, Andrew, how can The ‘Pie break this to you gently… ummm … raping boys – raping anyone – is against the law, and gets more than a tsk tsk from the judge. People invariably go to jail for it. For a long time. And you can hardly blame any sub editing or headline writer, given your opening sentence.

Now of course, Sky News’ favourite  functioning alcoholic didn’t actually mean what he he had written … which is a refreshing change from the usual drivel he DOES mean. Reading the story itself, he is suggesting that many men go to jail on the flimsiest of evidence from aggrieved witnesses, and quotes four recent cases of release and acquittal after several years in choky.

He’s just lucky there isn’t a charge for raping the English language.

The Magpie Wants To Do A Sally Field Oscars Speech ‘ This Time I Feel It, Right Now, You Like Me.’

The ‘Pie may get a little teary here, acceptance is so rare, as Sally and I know. Do you recall this from last year?

The Magpie

December 18, 2020 at 9:18 am  (Edit)

Is there a reason why no one has suggested an obvious (council) solution to this problem at Jezzine Barracks Park?

At night, say any time after 8pm, the Jezzine Barracks site is hardly a tourist or any sort of vehicular magnet for anyone except vacuous hooning dullards. Basically bugger all to see. There are only two entrance/exit roads, so why not metal boom gates, a la national parks, locked at 8 or 9 at night, unlocked and raised at say 5.30am?


Our Mayor resolutely wanted nothing to do with it, brushing it off as’ a matter for the police’, such matters which she is personally familiar. That is, of course, is a lot of hot tosh, the cops aren’t into infrastructure, boom gates would be a council matter. Then, lo and be buggered, this week we read:

 Screen Shot 2021-02-12 at 11.04.12 am

 yes, including the boom gates idea, which now seems the favoured one. 

What can an old bird say? But Sally and The ‘Pie are now soul mates.

Pete Evans Jumps In The Clown Car

Pete Evans Into Politoics Screen Shot 2021-02-12 at 1.08.42 pm

It was inevitable, you’d suppose. Delusions of adequacy strike many, and none more so than this dangerous, certifiable whacko.

Evans will stand as a Senate candidate for a fringe party set up by former One Nation senator and financial crim Rod Culleton, who confirmed his irrevocable rift with reality when he said,’ Pete Evans has maintained his principles and inspired others in the face of uncommon adversity. Pete possesses the essential attributes required to challenge the status quo and restore the rule of law as defined in our constitution.

Among the law reforms sought by The Great Australian Party, (registered by former One Nation president Ian John Nelson), is a little pearler right up Pete’s alley. They want to promote religious education “based on facts”.

Pete is just the moron to tackle this oxymoron.

Facts Are Having A Tough Time In America, Too

Trump and friends Screen Shot 2021-02-05 at 4.54.01 pm

Donald Trump (2nd from the left) lines up impeachment witnesses

By the time you read this, reality will have taken another twisting warp, and former mobster president Donald Trump will be acquitted in one of the most blatantly rigged pieces of show trial mendacity imaginable.  And they talk about the Russians an d the Iranians!! But no matter what the outcome, this farce of the past week will end up being the Republican Party';s own internal IED and the party will finally implode by its own hand.

Naturally, The Magpie will be delighted to do a late rewrite on this mater should the verdict come in any differently, but as our gallery shows that them ain’t the odds.

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But We Aren’t Totally Free Of Delusion Here In Oz … Or Someone Has A Mordant Sense Of Humour.

This was spotted in a shop at The Willows Yesterday.


The federal Government should have plentiful stocks soon, if the Chinese manufacturers aren’t blocked by Bejing.


That’s another week down, one sometimes gets the feeling that each one is sort of a bonus, given our uncertain world. But it helps to laugh in uncertain times, but feel free to vent your spleen or split your seams in comments, they run 24/7. And the ever generous Magpie now announces he will unselfishly allow you to make a donation to help the blog stay solvent, the donate button is below … but be quick, this offer won’t last forever.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.


  1. Kid Rock says:

    Great to see The Kid in a few media articles over the weekend outlining how he is going to ‘take it’ to the Palachook Government up until the next election. He is putting in more energy as opposition leader than most of the softcocks before him like the Freckle, Tim Pickles, John Paul Wangbrook, Can’t do Campbell and Dr Bruce Phlegm. The triple team of useless twats – Palachook, Young and Carroll need to have their arses kicked to the curb. These fools are doing nothing to improve community safety, the health of Queensland in general or develop NQ infrastructure and create jobs. Just a bunch of wankettes. No wonder they love having Jenny Hill as part of their girl power team. She is another moron from the female species.

    • The Magpie says:

      Apart from The Kid, is there anyone else you like? One doubts it.

      • Kid Rock says:

        The Borg didn’t do a bad job. It might be more interesting watching paint dry rather than watching him speaking on sitting days but he was smart and achieved a fair bit. The LNP Queensland’s future definitely resides with the Kid as leader.

  2. Forrest Yates says:

    Grammar and punctuation ! It’s who’s not whose . In crisafulli article.

    • The Magpie says:

      Sorry, in the Courier’s article or in the ‘Pie’s article? Had a look can’t find, and The ‘Pie’s dozen sub-editors and three headline writers are having Sunday off.

      • No More Dredging says:

        ‘Pie, I think the joke’s on you. I’d like Forrest to create a sentence in which the word who’s (with that spelling and use of the apostrophe) passes any primary school pub test.

        • The Magpie says:

          Apart from the intriguing but hardly surprising news that your education apparently included primary school tests taken in pubs, The ‘Pie hasn’t any idea what you’re talking about. Are you saying ‘who’s’ is incorrect English? If so,
          who’s | ho͞oz |
          who is: who’s that?
          • who has: who’s done the reading?
          A common written mistake is to confuse who’s with whose. The form who’s represents a contraction of ‘who is’ or ‘who has’: who’s going to feed the dog? | I wonder who’s left the light on again? The word whose is a possessive pronoun or adjective: whose is this? | whose turn is it?

        • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

          “Who’s that wanker NMD?”

          Does that work? I didn’t do well in English at school.

    • The Magpie says:

      BTW, that should be ‘Grammar and punctuation (close space)! It’s whose (insert comma)(close space). In. C(cap)risafulli article.

  3. Mike Douglas says:

    Premier Palaszczuks proposed legislation change for denial of bail to recidivist offenders is confusing and unenforceable says Bill Potts Qld Law Society because their is no legal definition on “ recidivist “ . As far as the Townsville Bully’s $25 mil worth of cars stolen in 2 years the postcodes with the most stolen cars are 4817 , 4818 . Based on insurance companies linking policy pricing to postcodes 4817 , 4818 postcodes are not only higher crime areas but more expensive with home and car insurance if you bother to have it and the rest of Townsville pays purely for the risk .

  4. Cathryn says:

    Morning Magpie! We have some limited experience with the ankle monitors. They come with a charger and you have to care enough about staying out of jail, to keep them charged. And they are not monitored in real time. There doesn’t seem to be a system which sends out an alert when one of the monitors moves out of (say) its curfew address after 9pm. Will there be, so that the Police can track and intervene? And what will be the consequences of a breach? Jail, like it is for the adults? I’m not holding my breath that this will work for our recidivists. They have said themselves that they don’t care. One more example of Government action to be seen to be acting – in reality, just one more thing to be ignored, trashed and gloated over by the Townsville terrorists.

    • The Magpie says:

      Precisely. Cannot imagine how those making the decisions considered all aspects of this matter, some are so obviously deficit, no wonder we have a Goofocracy! And surely, the removal of bracelet would create an instant alarm. Otherwise, what’s the point really?

    • George st says:

      It’s only media tactics .the concept of ankle bracelet sounds great and looks good on US crime shows

      They do not work and will not work

    • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

      Does no one else think it odd that people can buy off the shelf GPS technology for dementia patients which tracks in real time, gives “geofence alerts” if they wander outside their zone, and texts a supervisor immediately if they move either too fast or too slow. But our government cannot manage to find similar technology to tag crims with?


  5. Cathryn says:

    In relation to car exclusion at Jezzine, this was considered when the Trust was creating the ‘development’ and pop out of the ground bollards were found to be the only feasible thing. They weren’t installed however because they have a high maintenance cost and the installation cost was horrendous! I can’t imagine that they would be any cheaper now. The place isn’t set up for gates to installed at all entrances and TCC will also need to leave vehicle access to the car parks because they are heavily utilized every evening by Strand goers.

    • The Magpie says:

      Everything is compromise, Cathryn, as it was with the initial foresight of social problems v cost (with, it must be said, the most costly option you quote, and surely such bollards weren’t the only ‘feasible’ alternative.) A strange decision in a $40million budget which has never been fully explained. So in this case either the Strand goers will have to park elsewhere, or there is a clearly indicated closure time prominently posted, as in National Parks. The ‘Pie is assuming the hooning takes place later in the evening, so a 9pm cut-off might be feasible, the catch-all description of ‘Strand goers’ would seem to suggest (especially since booze is banned) that they would be all done and dusted by then. And you say ‘all entrances’. Aren’t there only two?

      • NQ Gal says:

        We went to an event at The Fish Inn recently and had to park at Jezzine as there was no on street parking within cooee of the place. The venue is licensed until 11pm, so any lock up would need to be after then.

        • The Magpie says:

          Nothing needs to hard and fast in that area, flexibility would both possible and desirable. Say later closing Fri, Sat and maybe Sunday, but much earlier on weeknights.

          • Guy says:

            My suggestion

            No gates, no bollards – you do it the old fashioned way.

            Find someone in the area that can keep an eye on the place and call the police when hooning happens. You might even put up a HD security camera on a nearby building so number plates can be recorded.

          • The Magpie says:

            Well, for a start …. oh forget it, you’re an idiot.

  6. Scientician79 says:

    Thanks for the tip on the rates Pie.

    I’m registered for online notices and normally council sends an email when the notice is issued. Not this time, logged in and find it was issued to me on Thursday.

    No email so far telling me, checked my spam folder just in case as well.

    Though I was expecting it and would have gone looking in the next few weeks, good way for council to get some extra late fees for those not paying attention and relying on the reminder.

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Well Scientist, I received my emailed notice just as I always do. Am I smelling a conspiracy theory suggested by you, by the TCC to gain more ratepayer money?

      If so, please change your moniker from Scientist (who tend to rely on defensible facts) to something more attuned to your suggestion.

      Love and kisses, Plucker

  7. upagumtreeperson says:

    Another great editorial Magpie. Keep it up. I do not know how you do it week after week. This is true journalism.

    • The Magpie says:

      Thanks, Tree Rooter, The ‘Pie is not sure how he does it each week either, plays merry hell with his golf handicap. But can’t agree that The Nest is ‘true journalism’, The Magpie breaks a lot of the craft’s rules – the only distinguishing factor between him and those he takes to task is that he KNOWS he is breaking the rules. So many of the others clearly don’t even know the rules.

  8. Frequent flyer says:

    Anyone else noticed Jenny Hill’s cheery disposition of late, including when demonstrating that her council’s brown water is safe to drink.
    This poo coloured water is often par for the course in third world countries, but in Australia????
    Was at the supermarket this morning and bottled water was flying off the shelves, so obviously locals aren’t buying Hill’s brown-is-good assurances.
    Her cheerful demeanor is surprising for someone who is about to face court on a serious charge concerning a collision which resulted in the death of a motorcyclist.
    So does she know something we don’t?
    Just askin’.

    • I remember says:

      Did anyone of the journalists at the water drinking exercise actually see the bottles being filled and from what taps it came from. It looked pretty clean to me. If they were genuine TCC would have posted somewhere of a council worker going to a property that has had the water turn brown, fill it on camera then hand it to the mayor. Douglas was a suburb hit so why didn’t cameras go inside hills property and film her in her kitchen??

    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      Very true, she was in the front row at the boxing on Friday night with mumbling dunce Molachino, looked very happy, then again when you are a perennial parasite spending another night eating and drinking for free on the ratepayers credit card why wouldn’t you be smiling?

  9. Prince Rollmop says:

    The Prince should be asked to bring a few bottles of water up with him from Brisbane on a Monday morning when he flies in for his CEO FIFO role. No wonder he doesn’t want to live in Townsville – excessive crime, unhygienic water.

    • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

      You would almost have to wonder if that is in the CEO’s contract. Remember when Chidodo and some of Adele’s click did it from Darwin?

  10. The Wulguru Wonder says:

    Confused messaging coming from TCC about the cause of the brown water coming from the taps.

    At Mayor Mullet’s water drinking sideshow, old mate from the hospital talked about the discolouration coming from leaves and mud (telling us that if we lived on a property and only had tank water to drink we’d know this happens: well we don’t rely on tank water, we live in a first world city with a reticulated water supply and pay rates for the privilege of doing so).

    Then Mullet gets on and rabbits about the discolouration being caused by minerals.

    And the TCC media updates keep talking about blue-green algae.

    So which is the cause? The mud, the minerals, or the marine life?

    • The Magpie says:


      And being a bush baby born on a cattle station, The ‘Pie will inform you that water tanks all have a leaf filter where the guttering run-off goes in, very little mud up there, but certainly dust – which because there is now wind or other outside disturbance, settles to the bottom very quickly and the water is crystal clear. Tap was never at the bottom of the tank, always a foot or two up.

      • Grumpy says:

        I recall an ingenious device on our rainwater tank that all allowed the first 10 gallons or so to run off into a small auxiliary tank before being automatically diverted into the main tank. That way, all the bird crap and other unsavoury bits did not end up in the kitchen tap. Homemade by Dad.

    • George Patton says:

      It’s a combination of blue green algae and minerals in the Dam.
      Blue green algae blooms, dies and the decaying algae reduces the dissolved oxygen in the water. Once the dissolved oxygen levels fall low enough, soluble manganese is released from the sediment in the dam and is able to travel up the water layers and into the treatment plant.
      Manganese oxidises (rust) when chlorine is added to the water hence the change in water colour.
      Most treatment plants are not designed to remove manganese from raw water as this is done with a potassium permanganate dosing system.

  11. Dave Sth says:

    Have had experience with hooning and the cops. Long and short I don’t think they care, too many other things to worry about like our little joy riding darlings. I gave up reporting it in the end when it was happening in my street. A couple of other residents who are a bit more straight talking and menacing had a conversation that seems to settle things down a bit.

  12. Ralph says:

    Mal, the comments seem to have dropped off regarding the fuckwit and I love the name Memory Blank Les Walker, I encourage your contributors (as I will) to keep up the pressure on this fuckwit to do the right thing and resign, most probably won’t happen, but that mug shot of him will be everywhere next time he stands to be elected.

    • The Magpie says:

      Your right, Ralph, he must cheering at he turn of events over the past week or, it has completely taken the spotlight off him.other matters have overtaken. It’s the way the news cycle has always worked … when a major, attention grabbing event happens, it subsumes all interest for a period, and the affair du jour it deflected is often forgotten. When it comes to Memory Blank, not a chance around here, that’s for sure.

    • Dave of Kelso says:

      Do you think Message Blank will run in the next State election? He was a last minute, last gasp, nomination to replace O’Rort. Given his very public public drunkenness, abysmal performance in the parliament thus far (tears anyone) and being a last minute emergency candidate I am going to guess that he is not preselected for the next election.

      • Dave of Kelso says:

        Further thoughts while on the plonk.

        Just for fun, motivated citizens of the Mundingburra electorate might like to put Message Blank mug shots on power poles, just as people put lost cat notices on power poles. One or two here and one or two there each month, month in, month out. At the very least, it would greatly piss-off Message Blank. What satisfaction!

      • Molly 9 says:

        Sorry DaveofKelso, picked something was up re Messagebank when he wasn’t in the line-up for Deputy Mayor at previous TCC Election. Reason became clear when MsCorolie pulled the pin on her Seat of M’burra. This was all well planned months ahead.

  13. TheOtherGuy says:

    To be fair, Donald Trump is the first person to ever win back-to-back impeachments. A feat that will be difficult to beat.

    • Guy says:

      For what it’s worth the water pressure has been dialled back so you get a lack luster stream of brown water from shower that’s too low to activate the water heater. Take care of what you wash – or your clothing / towels turn brown. Giving everything else that’s going on this is just a speed bump, I laughed when I saw it coming out had a quick wash and got out. I saw a post here from someone last week trying to tell people there was no brown water coming out the taps , I laughed when I saw that too.

    • Sam1 says:

      I know that he is total fool but he did two good things. He saved us from having to put up with Hillary Rodam Clinton and by beating the impeachment he will have totally pissed off Nancy Pelosi.

  14. Critical says:

    When will the Bulletin gets is facts correct and let the community know same basic facts about the local 5star so called youth prison according to the Townsville Bulletin.Cleveland Youth Detention Centre is not a prison and is not staffed by Prison Officers but by Detention Youth Workers, Case Workers (ATSI) and other positions with equally nice sounding bleeding heart names.
    It’s about time the government made it a proper prison administered by Corrective Services. The little darlings might have a different perspective on life then if they faced the true reality of being locked up as a criminal. Oh dear, the bleeding hearts mob have read this and are probably ring their hands in horror.

    • The Magpie says:

      The Magpie has in this space on several occasions, suggested a ‘scared straight’ program of mandatory visits to the Stuart jail. to give kids a look at ‘the big time’. But someone knocked that on the head, saying such visits would just seem like an extra family reunion visit.

    • George Patton says:

      I remember working there when WATPAC did the upgrade. Prison is not even close to describe the place I would call it the best equipped government funded school in the state.
      Private Medical building including full dentistry facilities
      Full size sports hall, basketball court with all sporting equipment.
      Rugby league field with posts
      Gym with all new modern equipment and weights
      25 meter swimming pool
      Fully equipped music room with all types of instruments.
      Manual arts shop with vehicle workshop and engine dynos
      All ‘Cells’ had out door breakout areas to play games and common rooms with play stations and xboxes.
      The snotts were only every put in their cells when sleeping.
      I remember working one afternoon after 3pm and they hired a mechanical bull for the shits to play with in the hall, while they had gangster rap blasting over a stereo as other kids were also playing half court basketball.

      • Alahazbin says:

        So George, there is room for expansion them. Eliminate the swimming pool, half court basketball court and the footy field and there is room to build more cells.

  15. Sugar Ray Walker says:

    Hopefully The Kid will apply some pressure to Anna Alphabets Ministry to take action against Massagewank. It is still a palpable situation to have this so-called member of parliament getting involved in sleazy comment provoking fistfights in a public location and then getting banned from the city precinct. Disgraceful behaviour and it is inconceivable that this clown is allowed to maintain his position. Naturally Massagewank and Anna have gone deathly silent as they pray for things to blow over, however we cannot allow for this matter to remain covered up.

    • Dave of Kelso says:

      Sure, Message Blank should go, but will the Puddleduck want a by-election any time soon?

    • Charlie Wulguru. says:

      When is the CCTV footage going to be released by the Police? The twenty-eight days must have passed by now. I hope Phillip Thompson and Dale Last, who were making a lot of noise at the time regarding the release of it, haven’t thrown it in the ‘too hard basket’ and moved onto easier things.

  16. Elusive Butterfly says:

    Nah Sugar Ray.
    Crisafulli is too busy telling us how he going to win, and, “win big.”
    Such arrogance three and a half years out from the election.
    We’re still waiting for his first “original” thought!

    • The Magpie says:

      Bit light on specifics and evidence there, Evolved Grub. Please provide link where Crisafulli said he’d ‘win big’ – with any accompany contextual statement.

  17. Sugar Ray Walker says:

    Look at this shit, Australia urged by 31 countries at UN meeting to RAISE THE age of criminal responsibility. This is ludicrous. These little fuckers are getting worse. If you commit an adult crime then you should do the time regardless of age. And if the perpetrator gets picked on due to their age, well boo frickin hoo. Stiff shit. Suffer you little maggots, the way your little fangs make us suffer.


    • The Magpie says:

      Don’t agree with your style, but do with your substance. The age of criminal responsibility should be LOWERED in an age where gets get their smarts much earlier because of TV, social media and bleeding heart, tax-payer funded lawyers. And newspaper articles in the Bulletin that glorify them as Ned Kelly-style heroes.

    • Dave of Kelso says:

      Criminal responsibility.

      The asassan who killed Benazir Bhutto was 14 years of age.

      Leave the age where it is.

      • The Magpie says:

        See your point, but The ‘Pie doesn’t think it is helpful to make some sort of comparison to some brain-washed Muslim kid coerced with childish promises and for whom there is no hope to neglected and abandoned kids in Australia. For which there is a glimmer. But The’Pie’s previous point stands … a lower age of responsibility would be in keeping with these times of instant communication, instant fake news and unfettered criminal gang use of the internet.

        • Dave of Kelso says:

          Yes. The way I see it is, that a criminally minded child or youth, with the motivation and means is just as destructive and dangerous as a similarly minded and resourced adult.

  18. Walkers Hill says:

    Jezzine Barracks #$&”@% Close off a road due to hooning and the (g)hoons will find another road to hoon on. Why not send in plain clothes detectives and start confiscating their cars to teach them a real lesson. Closing of Jezzine only serves to punish law abiding citizens like myself from being able to use the facilities after hours. It’s bloody stupid, but consistent with ‘helping’ young car thieves and other dangerous underaged criminals by sentencing them to holidays along with love and cuddles to make them good people.

    • The Magpie says:

      ‘Use the facilities after hours’? Flogging a bit of whoosh to select clientele who need a bit more than sparking up a doobie to get fried, are we, eh?

  19. Alahazbin says:

    Good luck with this mate.
    Her standard answer will be “that’s Commercial in Confidence “

    Mayor Jenny Hill
    Walker Street
    Townsville Qld 4810
    email hidden; JavaScript is required

    Cc: Mr Scott Stewart MP
    Mr Phil Thompson MP

    Re: Castle Hill Development

    Mayor Hill,

    As a ratepayer to the City of Townsville, I would like to formerly request an open book viewing for the costs and contractors associated to the $2M Castle Hill redevelopment.

    As a concerned citizen of Townsville it has been alleged there may be a conflict of interests on this and other projects currently underway or completed under your leadership. To dispel any potential rumours of corruption, it would be advisable to allow public comment on these matters, given our recent rate increases, and continued breakdown of services. The best path advisable for this could be an open viewing of any current or past projects currently underway in the Townsville & North Queensland region.

    Recently, I have been provided with information that these said projects are heavily profited by contractors and these contractors are alleged to be ‘preferred suppliers’ without the correct due diligence taking place. Would you please provide the people of Townsville with some clear breakdowns for these projects, as it would appear the price of materials and labour is above acceptable rates of commercialisation.

    Further, I would ask that you allow the recently presented TCC budget to be scrutinised & independently audited by an organisation without political alignment. As a concerned member of the NQ region I suspect we are in need of an administrator to be appointed to TCC as the costs continue to spiral out of acceptable range, yet councillors are taking pay increases with no clear accountability to the community. A council, like a not for profit, should operate on a cost plus basis, as an elected member it should always be about servitude not financial benefit at the cost of rate payers, it has been brought to my attention that this budget has acceded acceptable levels of debt and warrants further investigation.

    Yours Sincerely
    Troy Thompson
    PO Box 1108
    Thuringowa Central
    QLD 4817

  20. Cantankerous but happy says:

    So now the Townsville police say you should not defend your own home, you should just lay down like a worthless fucking dog and let these putrid turds take your stuff, what a disgusting thing to say to the public, and frankly an admission that they have failed miserably and have no way of stopping these little arseholes.

  21. Non Aligned Worker says:

    So if the CRIMINALS were named and shamed, it would save the vigilantes putting others in danger by chasing them? Maybe the threat of going to the source of the crime would be a deterrant. Of course only let the aggrieved party (or their deputised seconder) provide the suitable consequence to their actions.
    I reckon it would be sorted out very quickly.

    • Ducks Nuts says:

      “save the vigilantes from putting others in danger” Fuck off idiot.
      The so called vigilantes aren’t doing this because they are crime fighters. These guys are thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. Old mate that killed that girl, he’s a known druggo. The guy in the car with him has a history of risky behaviour.
      These guys aren’t crime fighters. They don’t give a shit about the safety of the community. They put you and I at risk every time they step outside their house. They are no better than the criminals.

  22. Dave of Kelso says:

    Take Back Townsville protest

    From Facebook, Julianne Wood is organizing the protest Sat 6th March 10AM, intersection at Stockland Aitkenvale.

    More details on Facebook for those who have it.

  23. Frequent flyer says:

    Here’s a suggestion for the Townsville Bulletin’s “Best of Townsville” series:
    “10 Worst Little Thieves”.
    “10 Best Burntout Cars” would also be a winner.
    And what about “Jenny’s 10 Biggest Fuck-ups”?

  24. The Magpie says:

    The Magpie doesn’t’ usually publish or solicit this sort of information – plenty of other sites for that – but his available statistics indicate that the majority The Nest’s readership will find it interesting and many, like The ‘Pie, a relief.


    In the following analysis the French Professor Bruno Dubois Director of the Institute of Memory and Alzheimer’s Disease (IMMA) at La Pitié-Salpêtrière – Paris Hospitals / addresses the subject in a rather reassuring way:

    “If anyone is aware of his memory problems, he does not have Alzheimer’s.”

    1. I forget the names of families ..
    2 I do not remember where I put some things ..

    It often happens in people 60 years and older that they complain that they lack memory. “The information is always in the brain, it is the “processor” that is lacking.”

    This is “Anosognosia” or temporary forgetfulness.

    Half of people 60 and older have some symptoms that are due to age rather than disease.
    The most common cases are:
    – forgetting the name of a person,
    – going to a room in the house and not remembering why we were going there,
    – a blank memory for a movie title or actor, an actress,
    – a waste of time searching where we left our glasses or keys …
    After 60 years most people have such a difficulty, which indicates that it is not a disease but rather a characteristic due to the passage of years …

    Many people are concerned about these oversights hence the importance of the following statement:
    “Those who are conscious of being forgetful have no serious problem of memory.”
    “Those who suffer from a memory illness or Alzheimer’s, are not aware of what is happening.”

    Professor Bruno Dubois, Director of IMMA, reassures the majority of people concerned about their oversights:

    “The more we complain about memory loss, the less likely we are to suffer from memory sickness.”

    Now for a little neurological test:
    Only use your eyes!

    1- Find the C in the table below!


    2- If you have already found the C, then find the 6 in the table below.


    3- Now find the N in the table below.
    Attention, it’s a little more difficult!


    If you pass these three tests without problem:
    – you can cancel your annual visit to the neurologist.
    – your brain is in perfect shape!
    – you are far from having any relationship with Alzheimer’s.

  25. Ducks Nuts says:

    The Astonisher, once only reporters of top 10 pie shops and crane counts by the poodle, appear to have branched out into ambulance chasing and weather predictions. Any car crash, car chase or break in; big, small or otherwise is now “newsworthy”. And Caitlin Charles has taken to regurgitating BOM forecasts.

  26. Elusive Butterfly says:

    Queensland Treasurer Cameron Dick has hit out at Opposition Leader David Crisafulli for his “arrogant” comments about winning the next state election, as he sidestepped questions about who would lead the government at that time.

    Mr Crisafulli was quoted in a profile piece published by News Corp on Friday saying he was very confident about his chances at the next state election, which isn’t due until October 2024.

    “I believe I will be premier. I believe [the LNP] will win in 2024, and I believe we will win big,” he said.”

    There you go Mr. Pie. Mr. Cock has verified it for you!!

    • The Magpie says:

      OK, thanks for the context. But he’s hardly going to say anything else, is he?

    • Cam Dickhead says:

      Cameron Dickweed is another career bureaucrat. Been at the Government trough for around 13 years and had political connections prior to that and when he was a lawyer. He is a whimp. Of course he would rubbish Crisafulli, the Dick has nothing better to do. These Labor morons are failing big time and the cracks will grow wider and wider over the next few years. They speaketh with forked tongue and Queensland is slowly coming out of its coma and seeing the political farce for what it is. The only people impressed with Anna’s Government are her own party, their mates that serve on a multitude of Queensland corporation boards, Mayor Mullet, and Mullet’s number one fan ‘No More Dredging’.

  27. City dweller says:

    Felt crook last week so went to the doctor who ordered some tests. Got the results back today and I’ve picked up a parasite. Asked the doctor if I could have got it from drinking the Townsville City Council’s brown water and he said “Yes, there’s a bit of it going around. It seems that some people pick up the parasite and others don’t. At this stage we don’t know why”
    I’m now on antibiotics for the next 10 days to get rid of it. Suggest that bloggers boil their water before drinking it.

    • The Magpie says:

      Think we’d like a bit of proof before that is accepted as fact … either your story, the doctor’s opinion (if there really was one) and the type of parasite. It would be a really dumb council to know about that and not warn people …. oh, wait a moment ….

    • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

      hard to tell – but if we add any more chlorine to the water we might as well start pumping from the local public pools ;)

      • Ducks Nuts says:

        Hunter H2O must be providing some brilliant advice. “Just pop down to Bunnings and grab a few drums of chlorine…”

  28. upagumtreeperson says:

    Thanks Magpie. Now I can cancel my visit to my psychologist as it seems my eyesight and intilligence are in tact.

  29. Strand Ghost says:

    Hi Pie
    Went into the Flinders Mall today as I walked out of the old Shaws arcade where Woolies is what a disgusting sight over at Martin Locke’s new place , indigenous people where everywhere all drunk and fighting (11am) the language was terrible and people were getting away from there quickly , I then walked down to Bulletin square and had a coffee, then it started again fighting , swearing, and the 2 car loads of police turned up and only guided them around no arrests when I left around 11:45am, I spoke to a girl who owned a dress shop and she said this happens quite often , no wonder all the shops are empty when is this going to end the police are doing a great job but the are arguing the point with these people but the hands are tied by this useless Government and Council, god any Tourist in town would of been completely flabbergasted with our city centre , I actually felt embarrassed to say I am a Townsvillian.

    • Walkers Hill says:

      The CBD is close to the ferry terminal which offloads people on pension day, and takes them home a few days later when the money runs out. At least that is how’s I’ve seen it since I first worked in the Mall back in the 80’s as a young bank johnny.

    • Dave of Kelso says:

      Well, well, well; It won’t be long before the Townsville CBD experience will be like the Darwin CBD experience. Some years ago now, in the Darwin mall, with my bride by my side, I was advised twice by two groups of the finest that the NT had to offer, that, I was a, “fucking white cunt.” What charming people they were, no doubt ? funding their work free lifestyle without burdening the Australian tax payer.

      Some where this bullshit has to stop. It stops by ceasing cradle to grave sit down money.

      • Dave of Kelso says:

        And by the way, the lazy bastardes might like to mow the lawns of their taxpayer provided dwellings.

      • NQ Gal says:

        DoK – vagrancy in the CBD is nothing new. Every other day I would have coped abuse during the walk between the post office and the office. I sure I would have be labelled as racist if I had returned fire on the language.

        • Alahazbin says:

          Yes NQ Gal,
          My wife was called a “white c—-“ every morning as she walked across George Roberts bridge and that was 40 years ago. Nothing has changed.

          • Dave of Kelso says:

            Why has it not changed? I am not challenging you, but the whole soft cock system. Do dogooders bang on about human rights.

            With every ‘right’ comes a ‘responsibility’.

            It is time the tax payer demanded the welfare recipient, regardless of skin colour, to assume responsibility for their behavior, and that of their children, within the home, and in public.

          • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

            Ala – that’s no way to send your wife off to work – show some respect and don’t shout those things in public.

          • Alahazbin says:

            For someone who usually shows some intelligence on this site, that even as stupid as Steve BG
            Grow up BCE.

  30. Young Jeanette says:

    Lamestream Media is reporting that “a new COVID variant found in UK, similar but different to the South African version may reduce effectiveness of vaccines, government says”.

    That is why we need to LIVE WITH THE FUCKING VIRUS and go about as normal. Similar to the flu, it’s here and it’s here to stay. Each year it will mutate and each year you will require a new COVID jab. And unlike with the flu they are going to have to stop locking down the fucking planet and accept that this shit is now part of life.

    Better off spending money on educating idiots to stay home and self isolate when you have the flu or COVID, wash hands, eat healthy and use probiotics. Something that really hasn’t been promulgated before.

    COVID is going nowhere, it is here to stay so the fuckwits in Government need to accept that and start dealing with how we live with it, because lockdowns have now gone on for over a year and the virus is still not contained!!!!

  31. The Magpie says:

    The alarm bells are clanging. But listen carefully, what’s that knocking sound in the background? Why, that’s Iditor Craig Warhurst’s knees, clanging like cymbals at thought that the Total Tools stadium his paper so slavishly and uncritically championed might turn out to be a dud. There was no hiding his panic in one of his more ill-considered, Mullet-ordered iditorials today.

    Under this hopeful headline …

    …. Mr Warhurst offered a reasonably accurate potted history of the stadium since opening, and how now, with COVID restrictions lifted, one of the dreariest fixtures on the NRL calendar, this weekend’s NRL’s All Star game will, he predicts, attract a record crowd – the current record being the traditional Cowboys-Broncos game last year, where 22,500 filled the stadium to COVID capacity. A courageous prediction, but then he gave himself away when the iditorial descended into heady mixture of patronising bombast, arrogance, a childish lie or two, and in the end, embarrassing pleading.

    “For everyone who lives in Townsville it is a privilege and honour to have such a great stadium to attend.
    This will be a breakout year for the stadium, the Cowboys and the Townsville CBD. With the threat of COVID easing due to the rollout of the vaccine the region can now reset and go for gold. Queensland Country Bank Stadium is one of the best in the world and all of us in Townsville need to support the venue and the Cowboys.
    It’s the only way the fruits of so much hard work will benefit the wider community.”

    What quavering arrogant tosh you speak, you pillock.
    1. It is NOT a privilege and honour … whether we wanted it or, it was built with our money, ratepayer and taxpayer alike. It is there for us to use as we choose as a matter of right, not privilege. And we certainly don’t need a blow-in iditor telling us how we must spent our money to support our town.
    2. ’… one of the best in the world’ is such childish ‘look mummy’ rot, and betrays a serious lack of even a passing knowledge of the world’s stadia.
    3. If it was such a good idea, why do you demand that we ‘need’ to support it?
    4. That last line can only have been dictated by Mayor Mullet, desperate to avoid the looming legacy that she almost singlehandedly, has destroyed the Townsville CBD.

    • Craig Warthog says:

      Well said ‘Pie’, Mr Warhurst is speaking some nauseating dribble which is similar in colour to Townsville’s water. He speaks as if he owns the stadium! He is an absolute spokesman for Mayor Mullet, with the term ‘capture’ being an understatement. The stadium, or should we refer to it as ‘The White Elephant’, will stand proud and baron, covered in weeds, cobwebs and mothballs long after Mayor Mullet’s reign has ended. An expensive loss making eyesore to the Ville’s residents.

      • Old Tradesman says:

        Is there one day that Warthog does not have expletives in the paper, I think he has a problem.

      • Guy says:

        The council has had some achievements, its just that not many people know about them – they’ve been doing something that no council wanted to do , start OPENING up Townsville so people can visit and do things at NEW places.

        The Ross River Dam walk was re OPENED after being shut by the previous council and you know what ? MANY residents and tourists visit it every day. People just like to have a nice time.

        A mount louisa walk was recently OPENED so residents could walk around on local hills , its amazing and runs counter to normal bureaucracy that wants to CLOSE, SHUT and LOCK AWAY places to the public.

        A NEW look out on castle Hill was created recently, with a massive car park , just enjoy what little we get after millions have been blown on a stadium no one wanted.

        The key to a sustainable and thriving tourist industry in townsville is to concentrate on the little things start OPENING and creating NEW places and townsville will be UNIQUE.

        If anyone influential is reading this RE-OPEN the road to Shelly Beach – I’m sure the usual goons of doom will start screaming about “safety” or a whole host of “reasons” for closing a well known tourism spot. There’s a gravel road that travels across Townsville common that takes in a grand vista of the common and castle Hill, wind rushes off the ocean there. You’d park at the carpark and then take a short walk to shelly Beach. Why try a lock this place , another place that a tourist can visit to spend an extra day in townsville ? If we could hold every passing tourists for 1 or 2 extra days it would add extra millions to business in townsville.

        Its all of the small projects like walks, look outs and similar that add to the economy because it gives people a reason to stay.

    • Soccer dad says:

      Well if Craig thinks our pissweak stadium is one of the best in the world maybe he could look at Tottenham football stadium for comparison. The pitch divides into 3 enormous sections and is rolled on conveying systems out of the stafium and stored into an underground carpark so they can play NFL football in England. The stadium is a genuine contender for one of the most high tech and user friendly venues ever built. I would say comparing apples with apples our total tools stadium would rate among the best if you compare it with the burning oil fields of Kuwait in the first gulf war or the latest pitch that India dished up England with in the last test. Both are dust bowls but clearly outshine our stadium.

  32. Scientician79 says:

    Interesting article about our local Astonisher.


    Although the quoted readership numbers seem inflated.

    One thing I’ve wondered about this Google/Facebook pay for news arrangement, does that mean the paywall will come down? I suspect not.

  33. Young Jeanette says:

    Well with Australia’s long-awaited COVID vaccine rollout scheduled to begin on Monday, the sly grubs in Government have passed new laws mandating the recording of COVID-19 vaccine information on the Australian Immunisation Register. The changes to the Australian Immunisation Register Act 2015 will mean vaccination providers, such as GP clinics, will need to report to the Government who was given the COVID-19 vaccine, both within and outside of Australia.

    Big Brother is watching, monitoring and tracking you even closer than before. It’s amazing how quickly they can change legislation when they want too.

    • Cappuccino in hand says:

      Listen you fken moron. This COVID thing has wrecked entire economies and killed millions of people, shut borders, stopped family visits, locked people in their homes for months on end, got Pallershay voted back in with an increased majority …. etc. And this misery won’t end any time soon.

      The COVID jab should be forced on every one of us or you go straight to a death camp because you don’t give a shit about anyone else.

      Do you have a tax file number? Yes? A mobile phone? Yes? You’re already well and truly in the governments’ sights and being tracked and closely monitored.

      • Young Jeanette says:

        Listen up ‘Cock in hand’, you still don’t get it do you? “It is the POLITICIANS that have wrecked entire economies, shut borders, stopped family visits, locked people in their homes for months on end,” it’s their over reaction to the virus that has caused all this grief.

        • Dave of Kelso says:


          And the ignorant casual hands off approach of the Trump administration did exactly what for the USA?

          Methinks you are a prize twerp!

  34. Terry Who says:

    Wednesday evening from the bully
    “Police investigate car creash on Mill Dr in Kirwan”

    The bully apparently doesn’t have spellcheck or grammar check in their system.

  35. Captain Underpants says:

    I read an interesting article about a NSW Council that is up to its eyeballs in debt to the tune of $500m. One comment made was this; “ We don’t vote for people with business skills. Business people generally don’t run for council because it’s a thankless job that doesn’t pay and takes up an enormous amount of time, so we end up with well-meaning, community-minded people who rely on council staff to guide them guidance”.

    And that I mostly agree with, not so sure about the ‘well meaning’ bit as most Councillors are in it for personal gain, but it is true that most Councillors have no business skills yet we are trusting that most of these morons, who can’t even balance a household budget, are managing our cities finances which in turn has an impact on us the ratepayer and taxpayer. No wonder things turn to shit in a big way. Townsville is sadly one of those examples, with Major Mullet and her team of imbeciles steering the ship aground.

    • No More Dredging says:

      Underpants, if, as you say, most elected councillors are “imbeciles” and “morons”, what does it say about the candidates that didn’t get elected? Would they be the bright sparks you voted for? And while you agree that business people generally don’t run for council because it’s a thankless job that doesn’t pay and takes up an enormous amount of time, how does that square with your proposition that most Councillors are in it for personal gain? What’s to gain?

      • The Magpie says:

        hahaha, what goose you can be NMD …. you are suggesting only the brightest people – even from a low bar – get elected? Very comical.

      • Grumpy says:

        Crikey, NMD – did you think that comment through? Some of these councillors – and would-be councillors – are in it for personal gain because the income they receive as a councillor is far more than they would ever earn otherwise.

      • Currently TCC says:

        It says alot about the mayor who lies about other candidates to get in. And the blind fools like yourself who voted for her. Townsville first were going to sack hundreds, she did that. Rates to stay low. Our budgets were fucked by November 2019 well before covid, 4yrs of hill rule. No water crisis but yet our pipes are full of brown water after they have burst. Yep say alot about the people who didn’t get in. They just arnt union members of the Labor party or better liars.

        • The Magpie says:

          ‘Townsville first were going to sack hundreds’? Please explain.

          • Guy says:

            The whole point of the 2008 council amalgamation was to streamline and cut staff numbers. Staff numbers were always going to be cut.

          • The Magpie says:

            Possibly a wise move after Mooney’s featherbedding for mates, but that way it could’ve been carried out (natural attrition, early retirement etc) would’ve been less callous and much better for the community,. But suggesting Townsville First had planned to do so in the manner of Nous/Adele/Hill needs some documentary proof.

          • Currently TCC says:

            It was widely advertised through the unions, obviously only in TCC before hills full team got in, that mass sackings were ahead. It was hills way of scaring staff who ultimately were sacked by her. Townsville first was constantly blamed for everything she couldn’t get done and the resulting lies that had been spread from TCC staff to the general public got the result hill wanted. Many people i talked to after that election said they voted because of what TCC staff had told them. And that it would be another qld nickel under them. Sorry I thought this point had been made a few yeats ago. These blind Labor fools who come on here really need to be tied up to the bonnets of stolen cars and shown what they have done in supporting this political party.

        • Alahazbin says:

          After the 2008 ‘Amalgamation Election’. Staff were told it would take 10 years to get the culture correct. This would be achieved by redundancies and natural attrition. Obviously the mullet couldn’t wait.

      • Young Jeanette says:

        NMD (or is that TCC Councillors bagman/bagwoman), generally speaking nationwide, Councillors are skilled in the art of ‘mates rates’. They are usually long term residents who know how to get rich by doing favours for those in the community with influence and money. Basically it’s a role similar to a bank robber holding the keys to the safe. Councillors will vote for many numerous things that favours their business friends in the community. Re-zone land, change local bylaws etc. A Councillor gives the project a tick in the box and in turn the Councillor receives a financial gain, or perhaps a family member does, or part ownership or interest in a community members business, or as in the case of ‘Mr Ipswich’ – a suitcase (or several) filled with $$$$.

        It is irrelevant what a Councillor earns, although every dollar is appreciated. The real money comes to them through graft and corruption, payoff’s and contributions. Of course there is also the Ollie jollies they indulge in, trips away, membership on numerous Boards, education and courses such as Directors courses are paid for by the ratepayer and so the list goes on.

        Being a Councillor is a very lucrative career choice, but you already knew that NMD/ECQ or whoever you are this week. In some countries bank robbers, drug peddlers and hit men are also respected lucrative career choices. One thing I do know is this; any person who thinks that people become Councillors because they want to sell lemonade at the school fete, fix footpaths along the park edges or feel passionately about support the communities most downtrodden needs either a lobotomy or needs to stop taking the blue pill.

        • The Magpie says:

          Easy answer …. pay a nominal annual fees for part-time councillors who attend and vote on a designated number of meetings. Say $20k for your trouble. If councillors can continue to run their businesses, that would be a strong argument against cheating. Besides, LG laws nowadays make the rorts you mention more and more difficult to get away with. Ask ‘em down at Ipswich and Logan.

        • Guy says:

          In my opinion councillors wages shouldn’t be any more than 60,000 FIXED.

          By having fixed wages you are unlikely to raise rates / taxes because you will cop the rates rises equally.

          At this level you’ll have to run the finances like your own house – cost versus benefit. For any self respecting person debt is seen as a necessary evil – you pay it off quickly and create a surplus.

          In good times councils coffers are filled up and cost saving assets bought outright, in bad times the money in the bank is used to stabilise rates with 0 % increase. The money saved in bad times creates employment when theres none – survival mode rather than bankruptcy. As the business cycle turns you might still have to take small loans which are paid off during the good times – then it starts all over again.

          By squandering tax revenue in good times you land a hard blow years later, by saving tax revenue in good times you create the soft landing in bad times.

          Tangentially , a good thing I have seen happening is that potholes are left open for too long, the current council is filling them in. At least in hard times the roads aren’t too boned.

          But this is all just crazy talk of course.

          • The Magpie says:

            Excellent last line summary.

          • Guy says:


            And yet here we are

            Up to the eyeballs in debt

            An ongoing crime wave where people are being killed and injured on a regular basis

            Brown water pouring out of the taps

            A 300 million dollar stadium no one uses

            A pipeline that we can’t use

            I’d do more good sitting a tennis ball off the wall for hours than trying to explain how government economics are meant to work.

          • The Magpie says:

            Ummm, in the last sentence, you’re missing an ‘h’ in there somewhere. Your choice.

          • Ducks Nuts says:

            All that brown water will have you sitting tennis balls.

          • The Magpie says:

            Again an ‘h’ is missing …. multiple choice in plcement.

        • No More Dredging says:

          Juvenile Jeanette, I challenged Underpants who wrote that business people generally don’t run for council because it’s a thankless job that doesn’t pay and takes up an enormous amount of time. Underpants is speechless. You, however, believe that being a councillor is “a very lucrative career choice”. I’d say you haven’t got a clue, never held a public office, never met a councillor and probably never intend to do either. And if you had been around Townsville for a while you would remember a time when there were no party politicians in local government at all and the operation was as shonky as all hell. I don’t think it’s either better or worse now, just different.

  36. The Wulguru Wonder says:

    So Facebook has taken down access to Australian news sites such as News Corp and the ABC.

    However it seems that they have taken a very broad definition of what constitutes “news” and have wiped sites like the Bureau of Meteorology, state government fire and rescue sites, and police sites, as well as satirical sites like the Beetoota Advocate and The Shovel….. and also it appears your FB site Mr Magpie!

    The most amusing is that they have also wiped the go- site for Australian news, the Harvey Norman FB page! It must be because of its prominent front page position in every edition of the Astonisher…..

  37. Sir Rabbittborough says:

    Hey Magpie , you just got a promotion. Facebook has blocked NEWS sites. And they blocked yours too.

  38. Dave of Kelso says:

    Went to the local Post Office agency to deposit a cheque made out to joint names into a joint account of same names. This function they could not do.

    CBA at Willows is temp closed due covid.

    Have to go all the way to Stockland. There I learned that the CBA Willows branch is now permanently closed with the CBA to operate two only branches in all of Townsville, being Stockland and Castletown shopping centres.

    That is not progress. That is not giving a shit about your customers.

    • The Magpie says:

      Well, they are in business Dave, and one of the most bricks and mortar intensive businesses in the past has been banks … but now, most of their functions are done from home on the internet. Sure you still need them for what you wanted to do, but that sort of transaction is very much in the minority nowadays. Annoying but the way of the future.

    • Walkers Hill says:

      Dave of Kelso, isn’t there a CBA Branch in the CBD? There was last week.

      • Dave of Kelso says:

        I do not know about the CBD and I cannot imagine a CBD branch closing. I am just going on what the lady bank office said when I asked about the Willows branch.

  39. Cantankerous but happy says:

    Zuckerberg v Rupert, Round 1, Rupert comes out with a whining bitch slap, Zuckerberg responds with a snap kick to the head and knocks Rupert to the canvas, will Rupert get back to his feet and fight back, not likely, he will crawl over to the corner and tag Frydenberg to continue the fight for him.

    • Josh Fried’a’turd says:

      Rupert (the walking corpse) versus Zuckerberg (the reptilian AI looking weirdo). Truth is, both of them are wankers. You may as well include Musk, Gates and Soros in the ‘worlds most powerful wankers’ list. Oh, alright then, you can add Trump, Putin and Xi. As John Dalberg-Acton once said; “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men”. Rupert and Zuckerberg are parasites. Give both of them swords and let them duel to the death.

      P.S Frydenberg is trying to play in the big boys sandpit but in reality he is just a little amoeba.

  40. Suckerberg says:

    The switch is on to the a very really Facebook alternative, just get all your friends to switch and delete FB


  41. Craig Warthog says:

    Well at least we will still be allowed to post links from The Bulletin as it isn’t a news outlet, it’s a sewer outlet with articles written by Gen Z and edited by pre-schoolers.

  42. An Idiot says:

    The banning of news article links from being posted on Fecesbook has been sanctioned by globalist elites who are hiding in their New Zealand dugouts while having their minds manipulated (and anuses probed) by small green martians who are coincidentally LGBQT supportive.

  43. The Bald Avenger says:

    I have to admit that I felt pretty down this morning. Broke my leg on the weekend and I’ve been moping about the house. To cheer myself up I thought I would check out what our local bogans have been up to, so I opened up the Townsville Magpie. Holy shit! Nearly fell off the couch laughing. Seriously had tears rolling down my face. Either we have some bloody funny and quick witted folk in Townsville, a lot of pot heads, people have been poisoned by the water supply or it’s a full moon…..or a combination of all the above….but suck me sideways, there is some funny shit written on this blog. Bravo. Encore encore. I loves me a good laugh and Mr Magpie you and your cohorts have done a stellar job. Thank you.

  44. Sigmund Freud says:

    Hello Mr Magpie, I’ve had a close look at this and your last few blogs. You seem to have a lot of people on here with multiple personalities.

    Specifically, those who post and then answer themselves using another pseudonym. Some of your posters do this many times.

    To be frank, you seem to be the only sane and balanced voice on here!

    • The Magpie says:

      Hard to argue with.

      • I am the Batman says:

        But Pie, please don’t overlook the fact that NMD, ECQ and now Sigmund Freud use the same writing style, spacing of paragraphs, and even the opening words ‘Mr Magpie’. This is most likely a form of multiple personality disorder or an over indulgence in Townsville’s special Ross River brown koolaide.

    • Achilles says:

      The lunatic IS running the asylum!!! Sanity is an illusion, as proven by the deposits in the Nest,

  45. Big Brother says:

    The war between Scotty from Marketing and Facebook has taken an interesting turn with the Pentecostal PM saying; Facebook’s “actions to unfriend Australia today”, describing them as “as arrogant as they were disappointing”. “These actions will only confirm the concerns that an increasing number of countries are expressing about the behaviour of big tech companies who think they are bigger than governments and that the rules should not apply to them.”

    Arrogant. Ignorant, conceited fool. This is the real issue – Governments think they know best, that their shit doesn’t stink. And the honest truth is that they are fucking useless. Now, are the tech giants out of control and abusing their powers and authority? Yes they are. But they are also reacting to the out of control Governments who are abusing their own powers.

    Big Brother is getting scared and so they should be. Hell, dictatorships have been ended due to social media campaigns and the people revolting against global Governments and their abusive of power is gaining traction. Technology is working against them and they don’t like that. The big losers in this battle will be us, the 99%.

    • The Magpie says:

      Which brings up an interesting point … when you think about it, what has our government got to do with a stoush between to mega-companies – FB v Rupert+others? Rupert put the government up to this, nothing to gain for the public just personal ‘niceness’ from from Rupert. Gutless stuff. Zuckerberg is a leech who doesn’t know when enough is enough, but he’s not all that different to Murdoch, really. Our government should never have been brought into this, and the blame for that lies squarely with Murdoch.

      • Big Brother says:

        Well, Murdoch is the one who has boasted on numerous occasions that he can and will make or break a Political candidate. He has done it in Australia and the UK for certain. If your party supports the media rules that he likes then he will only print good news stories leading up to an election and through the campaign. If your party doesn’t support media legislation that will make the old bastard even wealthier, then he will burn you at the stake and print negative news articles leading up to and during an election campaign. Just ask Rudd and Turnbull.

      • Nickster says:

        Pie is has everything to with $$$

        FB pays bugger all tax and local new companies are losing revenue mainly advertising.

        The companies’ financial accounts showed Australians paid Google $4.3 billion and Facebook more than half a billion dollars for services in 2018.

        But for the year ending December 31, Google had a corporate tax expense of only $26.5 million in Australia, and Facebook paid just $11.8 million.

        This is just a ploy to increase government revenue.

        • The Magpie says:

          Your points are valid but perhaps we are missing the real point here. The Australian Government … a conservative one …. has NO business stepping in=between two corporate giants (basically News Ltd + others v Facebook), fighting about a free market issue. Conservative governments are supposed to be about minimal political interference (theoretically anyway) as one of the basic tenets of free market operation. These are market rules that allow the Chinese Communist Party to buy up our ports, our land (and islands) and water rights, with minimal cheeping from the chickens in Canberra, all in the name of the almighty dollar (and without a doubt personal rorting gains by the the political elite … looking at you, Andrew Robb, you traitorous bastard), a gain for corporations to the loss of the general population.

          Therefore, it was only at the behest of Rupert Murdoch’s insatiable greed and ruthless intimidatory threats to our elected leadership that the Government had entered into this ‘no win-no win’ situation. Fine if they want to go after Facebook, Google and the whole gaggle of tech tricksters for a fair share of tax and even up the playing field for local entrants, , but Canberra trying to force a multi-national Big Tech giantto pay money not into the public coffers (tax) but into the coffers of an ill-adapted and often incompetent corporation and others in the same business is … and it cannot be put more plainly – simply WRONG. IT IS NOT THEIR MANDATE.

          Zuckerberg is a callous, uncaring c..t, endangering lives with a wildcat, unflagged action, but he isn’t the only one in this, you can add Rupert and Morrison into that mix, and none of the care about the wellbeing of the country or its citizens.

          And now we see the result – and it rests entirely and squarely on the shoulders of Rupert Murdoch.

  46. Walkers Hill says:

    Does anyone know just how much extra chlorine has been added to our water? Here in Mundingburra when I turn the shower on it smells like the local public swimming pool it’s that strong.

    • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

      In technical terms, a “shit ton”.

      Safe to drink – maybe. Palatable to drink – no. Likely to irritate your eyes and give you the squirts – definitely.

      “Welcome to the Peoples Democratic Republic of Mulletopia!” This wekend we will have a special on recycled plastic jerrycans and carrying poles at the dump shop so you can bring your own water from potholes.

      Thanks CEO Pric for your stellar leadership in this.

    • Rowdy says:

      On a positive spin, you will not catch Covid if you drink the water.

    • Ducks Nuts says:

      Walkers Hill, look for the positives here. The water doesn’t taste and smell like mud and weeds anymore. And it’ll probably bleach your shower recess while you shower, so it’ll save the missus a job.

      • Walkers Hill says:

        Ducks Nuts, true. The shower is particularly clean and no sign of an algae outbreak in the bathtub either. Downside is my red itchy eyes. Might have to start wearing swimming goggles when I shower.

  47. Pig at the trough says:

    Well, what a week it’s been for Australian politicians misbehaving. In reality it is a week that is more like Groundhog Day as it just keeps repeating itself over and over and over. Just a snapshot;

    Fraser Ellis: LNP member from SA charged with fraud. This on top of other Pollies being busted in recent months for allowance rorts.

    Scott Morrison LNP; PMO office covering up a sexual assault in the parliamentary offices almost next door to his office. Lies about reporting timelines, clea era called in after hours to remove evidence.

    Mark Turner; Labor member from NT embroiled in a cocaine sex scandal.

    Peter Dutton; LNP, exposed for pork barrelling and awarding funding to his chosen electorates.

    Bridget McKenzie; LNP, sports rorts. She is still lying and maintaining that she did no wrong. Only this week she asked for the word ‘rort’ to be removed from her parliamentary records.

    Numerous other Pollies from several states have been kicked out of their parties for branch stacking in the past few weeks.

    And of course, close to home we have a Labor Mayor to face court over a car accident death and we have a local Labor MP involved in a drunken pub fight. Both hiding from the media hoping the heat will blow over.

    Although scandals amongst our supposedly honourable politicians is nothing news, the way that they have piled up in the recent years under the Coalition Government is breathtaking and points to a critical shift in a lack of governance. These political acts of malfeasance and impropriety have become more than isolated episodes, they have become the norm. Yep, our less than honourable politicians have been busy haven’t they?

    • Alahazbin says:

      Piggy, You forgot to mention Trad and her real estate deal and school principal fiasco.Another state cabinet minister feeding off the Virgin boss, holidaying in his ski lodge in Canada. I think there was more than one. And few other state cabinet ministers who aren’t squeaky clean.

      • Pig at the trough says:

        Very true mate, but I hadn’t forgotten her. I left her off the list because technically she got away with it.

        • Alahazbin says:

          Pigs, How many times have you seen the CCC be successful with a state labor government case.
          Answer, Nil.
          McSporran is an idiot.

  48. The (barely) Civil Engineer says:

    This from a usually very droll colleague on the Senator Reynolds rape saga:

    “We shall fuck them on the benches,
    We shall fuck them in the offices,
    We shall fuck them in the gardens,
    And we shall never remember.”

    Never a truer word spoken.

    On that note I am knocking off for the weekend to collect rainwater for drinking and bathing – I wouldn’t put my arse in the stuff out of the taps at present in some parts of town.

  49. Bushy says:

    When is the mullet court date?

  50. The Magpie says:

    We haven’t heard much about the alleged Meet your friendly neighbourhood rapist. No doubt the cops will meet him soon, too.

    The ‘Pie is reliably told that Lehrmann had been working for British American Tobacco, but was frog-marched out of their Sydney offices at lunchtime on Monday. As The ‘Pie’s droll informant said, how unpopular do you have to be when Big Tobacco wants to have nothing to do with you?

    It’s a fair bet right now is probably shitting shingles, and stocking on soap-on-a-rope for his future showering arrangements with Big Al and Little Vinny … and so he should be if the allegations hold up.

    Little doubt that Morrison’s sphincter is getting a hyperventilating ‘5 cents to 50 cents’ workout around now, too, this could have some damning implications for him. And us, because will we then get Darth Dutton as PM?

    Christ, we can’t get a bloody break, can we?

    • Pig at the trough says:

      Well the Morrison government once again has been found lacking as there are many cracks starting to appear in numerous agencies due to Scotty from Marketing slashing and burning the public service;

      The Australian National Audit Office (ANAO) has reduced its audits by around 22% due to budget cuts. As a result, they simply cannot conduct audits to a satisfactory level and misuse of taxpayer money will go unnoticed and unchecked.

      The merging of the Department of agriculture with the Department of environment to creat the Department of agriculture, water and the environment has resulted in massive staff shortages and inspection services not being able to be met, putting at risk Australia’s biodiversity and frontline defence.

      The merging of the Federal court and Family court to save money is causing chaos and the expected delays in getting court dates and the flow down effect on the system will cause financial losses not and not financial gains to the Department. It will also mean that families are more prone to violence and suicides.

      We can only pray that there is an election come September/October this year. These lunatics are completely out of control and are unable to govern with the stability and the necessary resources required. And of course he is now involved in a dick measuring contest with Zuckerberg.

    • Alahazbin says:

      Vikki Campion’S piece in today’s astonisher sheds a bit more light on him without mentioning his name.

  51. Healing hands says:

    Well with all this shit going down in Scomo’s LNP party will he start channeling the Lords spirit and perform some divine miracle that restores his party’s reputation? Will Scomo reach out and touch the souls of those who have been betrayed by his government and heal them with kind words (which of course will be spoken in tongues)? And is his plan to take on Google and Facebook actually a wise and cunning move? Why use Facebook to communicate when Scotty can use his direct link to God and speak on a much higher platform? Many exciting questions to be answered.

  52. Dave of Kelso says:

    Re water quality;
    Last two mornings the faint taste in the water here reminds me of creek water from when I was a boy.

  53. On two wheels says:

    Great text to the editor yesterday saying that Coach Greens mansion sold for $1.85m, cheaper than our bus shelter on the same hill.
    Is the council serious or are they just taking the piss and having a good old chuckle about it at smoko?

  54. Les Walking says:

    Phewww! Spotlight is off me and firmly on some other cretins, on the other side of polly-tics too!

    Knew it would blow over and away from me; think I might hit the pub again this weekend for a few coldies on the deck (instead of hitting the deck)! Ha ha, funny me! :)

  55. Elusive Butterfly says:

    Thank Christ our city fathers, including Johnathan, had the foresight to include a roof on our stunning new stadium.

    Such a talented lot!

    Not that it ever rains in Townsville??

  56. Strand Ghost says:

    Butterfly, especially in February

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