Why this blog exists...

The Magpie

Saturday, December 9th, 2017   |   138 comments

Boy, Is She On The Run!! Mayor Mullet Has A Cack-handed Try ‘Redirecting The Narrative’.

And it again involves spending public money in the hope of buying votes, but it’s back to more modest beads and blankets for our business genius. But suddenly, the Astonisher is not letting her have it all her own way … still, The Magpie has to ask the questions the paper won’t.

And nailing Don The Berk Burke … one of the funniest skit videos you’ll play again and again … The ‘Pie is laughing even thinking back to it …. don’t miss the very last few seconds. And as an extra chortle, something that is funny but for the fact it is so close to the truth … the policy behind the Daily Telegraph’s attack on Geoffrey Rush … the ‘editor’ explains how the paper works.

… our mayor’s cunning plan to combat the high cost of power.

And all the week’s other doin’s from around the place. Bentley still on a break, so this week we start with some miscellaneous bits and pieces.

He’s Not Just Delusional, Now he’s Deadly

This week, Donald Trump stopped being funny … he went from dopey to deadly in a single moment of madness.

Steve Bell in the Guardian summed it up.

Trump Steve Bell

But the Republicans will never impeach the maniac …


Rush Of Blood

geoffrey rush

Geoffrey Rush

And for actor Geoffrey Rush, the Daily Terrorgraph also stopped being funny, if it ever was. Rush is to sue the paper for its claims about his alleged backstage behaviour.

Now The ‘Pie has a little passing knowledge of 1) News Ltd, 2) News Ltd defamations, and to a lesser degree 3) defamation law. And it seems on the face of it, the Rush matter a strange thing indeed all round.

It transpires that the complaint against Rush was concerned a matter two years, was made by another luvvie who did not and has not been identified by the Sydney Theatre Company and – astoundingly – even Rush himself has not at last report been told what he’s supposed to have done by the theatre management.

This was not lost on other journalists.

Screen shot 2017-12-09 at 6.09.50 PM

Seems just the sort of case for media hound and legal dilettante the lawyer Justin Quill – his track record as a solicitor suggests he makes a good living out of News by taking unwinnable cases (like inter alia The Magpie’s defamation action against The Australian), inevitably losing and then whacking in his eye-watering demand for services rendered. Easy pickin’s if you can get it.

But the Rush story seems to dovetail with Telegraph editorial policy, as outlined in this little vid.

I Am, You Are, We Are Austra …. Oh Hang On A Sec

What a jolly wheeze … all those grandstanding layabouts in Canberra missing the irony of warbling lustily about how we are all Aussies … funny timing to say the least.

 I am Aust ...

Not All The Gushers Are In Texas

There was an excess of them in Canberra, when the SSM laws were passed.

Now that the politicians have done what they should’ve done with quiet dignity in the first place, we now face a tedious media ‘follow-up’, no doubt seemingly forever. Get ready for regular photos of people of all sorts of persuasions publicly sticking their tongues down each others throats – in the papers at breakfast (whoops, there goes the Wheeties) and on the TV news at tea time.

The Magpie had his claws rapped from afar during the week for this in blog comments, when someone said they were ‘over it’.

The Magpie 

December 8, 2017 at 12:36 pm  (Edit)

While a worthy comment with which The ‘Pie agrees, lets not look sideways at the gay community (couldn’t be bothered with clunky, unattractive acronyms) – this whole waste of time was completely the fault of politicians, particularly the smarmy PM and his hardly credible conversion to peace, love and vegetables. In other words, this was a much needed reform that could’ve passed through into law with quite dignity instead of the three-ring political circus and expensive ‘survey’ it became. And at the risk of having his eyes scratched out, The ‘Pie believes the gay community aren’t that upset … the luvvies always love a party and showing off, and are the main group that loves both recreational grief (Princess Di … I’m so sad) and now recreational joy (gush gush). For Christ’s … and the country’s … sake, media, let us out of their bloody bedrooms and give it a fuckin’ rest, will you?

The ‘Pie has unreliable information that Mlcolm Talkbull has commissioned a portrait of himself to commemorate the occasion.

minor task

The Cynics’ Trope: Now They Can Be As Miserable As Bloody Straights

With all the singing and hoopla in the House of Reps this week, The’Pie’s thoughts naturally turned to Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard (didn’t everyone’s?) Soren was a bit of a gloomy gus back in the 19th century, offering often unwelcome and controversial viewpoints on a range of matters (a sort of Danish Magpie without the larfs).


Soren Kierkegaard

It is doubtful he would be jumping about clicking his heels at the SSM law just passed. Here’s what he had to say about marriage and other worldly tribulations.

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”

Elsewhere, he was far from a rainbow warrior, just basic black and white, suggesting if Christians really believed what they claimed, they would wear black to weddings, lamenting a life of tribulations (did he foresee snotty teenage children with mobile phones?) that lay ahead, and joyous white at funerals because the carked one had been released from this earthly hell, ascending to paradise.

He was as balmy as a coot at times. It should be noted here that kinky Kierky fell out of a tree as a boy (on his head – this is true, not a jest) and he had problems stemming from this all his short life … perhaps mercifully, he died of depression in hospital aged 42, shortly after wimping out of an engagement because of a never revealed ‘dark secert’.

Any guesses, anyone?

Canberra’s Other Biggy Of The Week

In a neat melding of two issues, the great Paul Zanetti put the week’s two big issues together.

Zanetti 2

But government calls for Dastyari to be sent packing from Parliament, and news laws to help him on his way, brought monumental political hypocrisy into sharp focus. Talkbull is thin lipped when the question of the highly questionable antics of former trade Minister Andrew Robb are mentioned.

Andrew Robb 2

Former Trade Minister Andrew Robb

Robb, the man who engineered the sale of the Port of Darwin to a Chinese Government controlled company, soon afterwards left politics and took up an $800,000 p.a PART TIME position with the same company. Robb is indignant – and probably shitting himself – at the very thought that there’s anything untoward going on, dearie me, no,  but if it walks like a duck etc. Like justice, the right thing not only needs to be done, but must be seen to be done.

Maybe Talkbull has backed the wrong horse chasing the despicable Dastyari (no, Sam, don’t again try suggesting that that is said because you were born overseas, it is said because you are treasonous weasel.) Another Pickering bullseye.

Sam and Mal - Pickering

Headless Chook, Anyone?

On to the local scene.

headless chook 2

In spookdom as in politics, there is a euphemism for steering away from something that puts you in a bad light:it’s the buzz phrase ‘redirecting the narrative.’


A liberal offer ... Mayor Mullet stuns us.


And the reaction from Mayor Mullet was pretty quick when the Chinese banks gave Adani the finger …

Screen shot 2017-12-10 at 1.30.04 PM

and this story about information sessions for Adani jobs were scrapped.

So a massive swerve in PR focus was called for , a classic ‘look over here, not there’ to distract we knuckle-draggers from dwelling the missing $18.5million of our dough (has it been paid yet, and to whom? Wagners the builder of the airstrip? Don’t remember seeing tenders called for it, BTW. Why aren’t we being told these things?)

So we were treated to a most embarrassing full frontal look at this ‘new direction’ during the week when Mayor Mullet ‘announced’ (that should be ‘repeated yet again’) that there was going to be a lagoon built along the Strand.

Screen shot 2017-12-09 at 11.25.53 PM

And guess what … she was gunna make sure, damn straight, it would be ready for dabbling tootsies by 2020 (you know, 2020, when the next council elections will be held.)

But it is yet again what wasn’t said or offered as information that had one of this blog’s best informed readers having a minor foam.

Memory Man 

December 8, 2017 at 11:22 am  (Edit)

‘Massive Lagoon To Transform The Strand’! ? !

There’s more spin here than Shane Warne bowling to Mike Gatting.

Poor old Donny Morris’ big idea – a swimming pool along the Strand – was little more than a lift job from Cairns. I guess that just confirms that when you’re out of ideas of your own, you emulate others. Mimicry is flattery, so Cairns should be pleased.

Funnily enough, when Mayor Mullet launches the “plan” today, she didn’t pre-release any “artist’s impressions”. The story trots out pics of The Ville. Perhaps she’s got the hint that as far as the good citizens of the North are concerned, artist’s impressions aren’t worth the Paper they’re printed on.

That said, Mayor Mullet says there’s money in future budgets and the private sector is ready to invest in the community. She also claims she wants the lagoon construction well underway by 2020. So, let’s have some real information if these claims are remotely true.

  1. What is the estimated capital cost of the lagoon?
    2. What engineering assessments have been done to give weight to the costings?
    3. What environmental impact assessments have been undertaken to address the obvious issues related to the State’s Coastal Management regime?
    4. What’s the business model for the lagoon? How is the private sector involved?
    5. What is the estimated annual O&M of the lagoon?
    6. How long is the construction program?
    7. What impacts will construction have on existing residential and commercial users?

We really are being played for suckers, but as they say, there’s none so blind as them that won’t see.

But Slowly Some Aren’t Blind, Or Dumbstruck.

This paddling pool thingy is hot on the heels of the council’s speculative spending of $2.3million on buildings in Ogden and Flinders Street for the bus hub and an access laneway filled with -what else? … coffee shops. The latter purchase not surprisingly has been heartily supported by those without an actual personal stake in the CBD, like leading member of the Gilded Few and fang farrier Darryl Holmes (speaking as chairman of the Cowboys Leagues Club) a venue which will lose nothing when our money goes tits up. And also not surprisingly , the purchases were slammed by responsible business owners. But the real gobsmacker was the Astonisher’s Tony Raggatt being allowed to report the naysayers, including trenchant comments about Madam Mayor (‘nothing short of ludicrous’ said one.)

Is this story a further welcome sign that the Bulletin is making incremental changes back towards fairness and balance? We can hope, and the tenuous benefit of the doubt remains.

And many business people have privately contacted The ‘Pie, dismayed with the conduct of the mayor. One of the best and cleverest barbs about the drum beating came in today (no names for obvious reasons).

It has been seen for what it is, just one part of the classic “let them eat cake” strategy that is currently in play – perhaps we are all to just take comfort as to how that originally ended up.

The same person later added:

Those who follow will have a mountain to climb. I believe there are a few out there ready to put their boots on.

You betcha.

Mayor Mullet’s Next Brainwave?


The Magpie had a dream … which became a nightmare.

Our mayor was looking very offended when she stepped before the microphone.

‘There are ill informed people out there who suggest I have the vision of Magoo and the business brain of Kevin Gill. Well, they can eat humble pie (ED: no they can’t – there’s no such thing heh heh heh) as I announce two new initiatives. My council is going to tackle high power prices with a world first invention, the wheelie bin hot water system, as illustrated here behind me.’

wheekie bin compost

‘Ratepayers can buy the specially constructed bins for $2500, and once plumbed in, hot water will be free. Well, the heat will be free, as will the manure, direct from council meetings, but water used in this system will attract a premium price to recover costs, which is only fair, you’d have to agree.’’

But she wasn’t finished.

‘On top of that, I am announcing that a new factory employing at least 3000 … possibly 10,000, maybe 20,000 people is to be built near the abattoir, to manufacture candles.  Yes, candles! Stands to reason. There is a lot of fat going to waste out there at the meatworks, which we can get for free and turn into candles to again tackle the power crisis in our homes. I have also personally negotiated a deal with a company owned by Barry Taylor and Rabieh Krayem to supply special bundles of wicks, but I am unable to reveal either the source of this red tape, nor its cost, because it is Commercial In Confidence. Now let them say I don’t have vision or business brains.’

With that sort cunning, whatever you do, DO NOT LET HER WATCH THE MOVIE SOYLENT GREEN.

True Snippet

Jenny Hill was so flustered at her announcement of the paddling pool that she introduced her deputy Mayor Les Walker as Les Tyrell.

If only … she wouldn’t be mayor, and he wouldn’t be deputy, you can be sure.

Vote Early And Vote Often, But Really …

Scott Stewart’s victorious return to parliament was a close run thing, but how could he lose, with votes coming from TWO seats … at least according to the Bulletin on polling day.

Screen shot 2017-12-09 at 11.35.07 PM

Finally, How To Grow A Sexual Harasser

Humour can be the greatest weapon to wound, rather than hectoring lectures (some of you feminists getting this) and the ABC’s new comedy show Tonightly has nailed not just The Backyard Berk of the moment, but all the others as well. Funniest thing done on television since Donald Trump’s last denial of something.


That’s it for this week, but the comments are sure to be coming in thick and fast, so don’t just keep up, but contribute your say too. And hey, a helping hand with the annual blog costs which are always coming due would be much appreciated … the how to donate button is below.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.

Post a Comment

The Magpie encourages all to take part in the discussion and let their voice be heard.
In order to post a comment, you must provide a name. While you don't have to use your real name, it should be something unique so users can identify you in the discussion. Generic names like “Anonymous” will likely result in your comment being ignored.
Let the discussion begin!

Current ye@r *