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The Magpie

Sunday, December 3rd, 2017   |   0 comments

Time For D Day – As In Divorce, To Undo The Queensland Libs Hi-Jacking Of The Bush

Yup, the only way for the regional voice to be heard in this state is for the Nationals to part company with the city-centric Liberals. The Magpie examines the likelihood.

The traitor Sam Dastyari stays at the Canberra trough, and The Short Un can’t get rid of him – there would be a fraction too much faction friction if he tried. This is what we’ve come to, apparently.

Also, dare we hope … are there some small green shoots of pride and principaled journalism sprouting in the pages of the Townsville Bulletin? probably not, but The ‘Piespied a couple of small sprigs during the week.

And we have a simple question for Councillor Paul Jacob, failed Labor candidate for Hinchinbrook.

Bentley on a break for a couple of weeks

The Queensland Election Is Over … Well, Almost … Nearly … Give Us A Sec …

Paul Zanetti nails it as only he can.


And Larry Pickering sees the fallout having Federal implications for Malcolm Turnbull’s leadership.

Pickering assisted dying

But the election certainly is over in Hinchinbrook, so a quick question for Angry Ant Paul Jacob.

Paul Jacob

Paul Jacob

Now you’ve had your bum whipped in the Hinchinbrook election (5th or 6th was it?) you will now return to your council job and your nice regular pay packet.

But hang on a minute … the LGAQ rules are that if you stand down but don’t actually resign, you continue to be paid, and there is no mechanism to suspend such payment while you’re away. And you vowed that while you were away politicking, you wouldn’t take the money, oh dearie me, no, heaven forbid … and that you’d donate that money you DIDN’T EARN to charity.

So simple question: which charity, when and how much?

We await your open and transparent response with interest.

The Dog Ate My Homework Was A Better Excuse, Sam

Dastyari baloon

Back on the national scene, one of the dopiest ‘reverse racism’ try-ons of all time came from Seditious Sam Dastyari who managed to insult all of what we oldies used to kindly called New Australians- (because that’s what they were).

In an astounding piece of tortured logic, this cornered oily twister had the temerity to claim “I expect Turnbull and the Liberals to smear me, (for speaking against Australian foreign policy to a Chinese audience)but for he and his colleagues to suggest that I am not a true or loyal Australian is incredibly hurtful – and hurtful to all overseas-born Australians. I might’ve been born overseas, but I’m as Australian as he is”.

What ?‘ … hurtful to all overseas-born Australians’?!?’

So Sam, you mean that because you’ve been caught out aiding a foreign power against your own country’s (and party’s) policy, you are being pilloried because you were born overseas? And therefore, everyone else born overseas is hurt by your accusers?

By that logic, maybe its because you’re a male, and so all males should be hurt? Or maybe just all blokes with black greasy hair should feel similarly insulted?

This is a demented twist on the Sam Johnson’s dictum ‘Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.’ Do you seriously think if it had been, say a fourth generation Australian who had stooped to your chicanery that the reaction would be any different? YOU are the one that is hurtful to others not born here, with your dog whistling whinge that you are targeted simply because you were Iranian-born.

No, Sam, let’s get it straight … you are ostracized and will surely suffer some telling backlash because YOU, the person, have in effect ratted on your country. And what makes that even worse, if that is possible, you have made your way up the lucrative greasy political pole by using the party that makes it loud and clear at every turn what it thinks of – and does to – rats.

Although it would seem that Bill The Short Un is redefining the term, and allowing a turncoat to remain a party power broker behind the scenes, and still a senator.

Speaking Of The Public Porkies … 

Jenny Hill

Our own Mayor Mullet, Jenny Hill, has resorted to panicked public lying … no point in using metaphors like porkies or fibs … she’s lying and she knows it. Speaking about the 51,000+ signatures on a petition demanding she rescind the $18.5million dollar ‘gift’ of ratepayers money to Adani for an airstrip 400kms away, she told a council meeting on Tuesday that only 636 signatures were from Townsville people. And therefore, the petition did not represent the ‘real’ views of the Townsville community.

Oh, really? Who came up with that little bit of obvious flapdoodle, was it your executive assistant Labor import, the vertically challenged executive assistant Dickie The Poisoned Dwarf Holliday?

Richard Holliday

Just for starters, there is NO WAY you or he could actually know such information, which is anyway, clearly utter nonsense. While the most ardent critics in this airstrip gift matter would readily admit there is n o way that 51,000 people from Townsville signed that petition, it is simply insulting to suggest that only 636 people were from Townsville. The petition had been going for two or three days and was up to 3500 signatures before popular surfer Layne Beachley urged her 40000+ twitter followers to sign up as a general protest against Adani … that’s when things went berserk.

The instigator of the petition, Peter Newey posted this comment on the Magpie blog.

Peter Newey 

November 30, 2017 at 8:26 am  (Edit)

With regard to the bullshit comments by the Mayor regarding the survey, she received a full print out of the Petition results – some 400 pages with 4 pages of the Change.ord petition per page.

We can definitely say that 636 number she has dreamed up is a complete fabrication and you do not have to be overly intelligent to understand that we have lost over 21,000 people leaving Townsville in the last 2 years with many living elsewhere but unable or unwilling to sell their property due to the market crash. So still paying rates.

Therefore their postcode numbers would not necessarily be within the Townsville area. In the analysis process, we identified many people with no postcodes that live in Townsville and many names of people living elsewhere with Townsville connections. Are these people not allowed to participate in the petition or are they simply denied the ability because of the Mayor’s attitude to anything that opposes her?

What it really comes down to is the Premier completely withdrew from the process of any funding for the Adani Mine for political survival. For the Mayor to use Ratepayers funds to build an Airstrip For Adani outside the boundaries of Townsville that would produce little or no benefit to Townsville during Construction doesn’t make sense when we are financially strapped.

Unfortunately, the process of Council funding and program development lacks transparency and accountability as it was dreamed up behind as veil of Corporate Secrecy. We at TRRA (Ratepayers Assoc.) have been unable to gain access to the information needed to make the information available to Residents and Ratepayers.

And The ‘Pie thinks if you’re going to call someone a liar – which he is – best to furnish more proof than isn’t just opinion. So here’s what the petition people Change.org had to say when The ‘Pie asked them about the rules.

Thank you for contacting the Change.org Help Center. I am sorry to hear about this inconvenience but I am glad to clear this up for you.

In order to know about the location of the supporters that signed the petition, the signature list of that petition has to be downloaded.

Here’s how to view (and print) signatures and comments on a petition:
Log into your account with your email and password
Click on your name or profile picture, located at the top-right side of the page
Click on “My petitions”
Click on “Started by me”, located at the left side of the screen
Once you have been redirected to the main petition page, you should see, on the right hand side of the page, a drop-down menu with the option “Petition details”, click on the menu and select “Dashboard”.
Scroll to the bottom of the page to the ‘Downloads’ section.
From the drop-down menu, select the file you would like to obtain and click “Download”
Open the file up in your favorite program (try Adobe Reader or Preview for PDFs and Excel, Numbers, and Google Documents for CSV files) and print it out from there.

Let us know if you have any questions about this information.

All the best,

Change.org Help Center

Change.org · 548 Market St #29993, San Francisco, CA 94104-5401, USA

So it is pretty clear that Mayor Mullet and her minder could NOT have an electronic copy, so obviously had some poor bastard go through with a highlighter pen to mark what they stupidly thought were relevant postcodes.

Not even a half clever try, Madam Mullet. March 2020 awaits you.

A Married Magpie? Maybe …

Now to the issue The ‘Pie knows you have been waiting for in a state of panting excitement … the impending marriage of The Magpie to Angela Jolie, which will presumably be  announced in the Daily Astonisher shortly.

Things are progressing nicely thank you very much, although the beloved Ms Jolie is playing coy, raising a couple of thorny issues which are unnecessarily delaying the much awaited nuptials.

Let me share her concerns with you. Ms Jolie, after receiving my demand for marriage has displayed her pounding emotions for The ‘Pie by not trusting her emotions enough to speak directly with the old bird. Instead, she has chosen to speak through her legal firm of Knee, Crutch, Armpit and Elbow lawyers of LA. This is a good thing because we can get the prenup sorted smartish now we know the parties involved. However, the lawyers don’t seem to realize the full implications of the impending marriage, for a start asking some silly questions like ‘Who the fuck are you, our client has never heard of you, let alone discussed any personal involvement, certainly not of the kind you suggest?’

They are also making silly assertions like ‘descriptions of your intentions on what you describe as the wedding night are illegal in almost all American states except Arkansas, Mississippi and the more remote parts of Alaska. Ms Jolie insists she never agreed to even discuss a union with you, and certainly did not indicate that she would finance the lavish lifestyle you demand in the prenup.’ This dense attitude forced The ‘Pie to point out that any refusal of his politely put requests would be a massive disappointment to the people of Townsville. And hinted darkly that it would ‘have consequences’.

And that is where it stands at this time. The ‘Pie is mystified as to why the Townsville Daily Astonisher has refused to roundly chastise Ms Jolie for her cavalier attitude towards this community and towards the beloved figure of The Magpie himself. Strange indeed, since the paper was quick to support a similar situation when it arose a couple or so years ago. Townsville airport boss Kevin ‘Rhymes With’ Gill out of the blue grandly announced that there was to be an $80million upgrade to the airport, half of which would be funded by a passenger tax, making it dearer for visitors, relatives, business people and tourists to arrive at or leave the ‘Ville.

This tax would need to be collected by the airlines – including main airline Qantas –  from their ticket sales and handed on to the QAL coffers. But the trouble was … somewhat like Ms Jolie – Qantas had never heard of the deal, had not discussed it with QAL before the unilateral announcement, and point blank refused to participate in making life harder for their passengers.

With that, the Astonisher took the ill-advised stance of somehow blaming Qantas for not bowing to the self-interested business will of QAL. Mayor Mullet got into the act – which basically has nothing to do with the council or her, and which she had not mentioned beforehand – by calling for a boycott of Qantas. Jaws dropped before the guffaws began and she looked like a ninny.

For his part, The Magpie wants Mayor Mullet to call for a boycott of Ms Jolie’s movies until she comes around and agrees to make an honest and wealthy bird of this highly desirable asset to Townsville.

Tammy Wynette Sang The Answer To Our Political Impasse – D I V O R C E.

Surely the Nationals (once more aptly known as the Country Party) have had the stars knocked out of their eyes … unless it suits the preservation of their places at the trough.

It is clear the only way forward is to go back … the Nationals must become their own party again, so we in the regions can be heard and listened to.

An aggressive, professional and well-funded party with unashamedly regional policies would certainly hold the balance of power, no matter whether Labor or Libs got the most seats. This would also instantly laser out political melanomas like PHON. KAP may come into the fold, but if the Mad Katter (senior) is too up himself for that, they would soon become redundant. A digression: nice to see that Robbie Katter is still the keeper of the family marbles … his father and a couple of other members of the brood have certainly lost theirs.

Is this a workable solution? If the noise for a separate state became loud enough (never loud for it to actually happen, in The ‘Pie’s opinion) and the overwhelming and distruptive complexity of the ensuing shit storm in establishing it, here’s a much more economical way to solve the problem of what Nixon called ‘benign neglect’ … move the parliament to Rockhampton, Mackay, Townsville or even Cairns. Then the cosy out-of-sight out-of-mind fantasy world of the south east corner would be stripped away and the daily reality of life where most of the state’s wealth comes from would be there to be confronted by MPs every day.

Precedent? Well, Canberra, for a start … wise heads didn’t want either Sydney or Melbourne endlessly squabbling and bitching if one or the other was chosen (it had been melbourne for a while) so Canberra was born … more or less half way between.


In more modern times, try Brasilia. It was founded in the very modern times of 1960 for one simple reason … a more central location for a seat of Brazil’s national government – it had been Rio, but guess what? The people outside Rio felt neglected … and voted accordingly!

Is there a message in  there somewhere?

How You Eat An Elephant? One Mouthful At A Time

That answer to the age old gag came to mind when reading various stories in the Bulletin this week. It was obvious to The Magpie that there seems to be a pronounced change in tone in some sensitive stories. But it’s steady as she goes, nothing too dramatic … as said, one mouthful at a time. But there are some tiny indications that there are some green shoots of truth, responsibility and pride entering the news columns of this otherwise twisted joke of a newspaper. Has the new editor, Jenna Cairney, been embarrassed by what she has found and is quietly starting to change things around? The ‘Pie doesn’t weant to get ahead of himself and is perhaps being uncharacteristically optimistic that the Astonisher will do less astonishing and more fair and balanced reporting the future. Amid the usual biased dross, there were a couple of hopeful signs.

Screen shot 2017-12-02 at 11.39.14 PM

In today (Saturday’s) issue, the paper reports – with nary a usual gratuitous cheer-leading comment – that Qantas is standing firm on its refusal to implement a ticket tax to fund an airport upgrade that would do nothing more than add handsomely to Queensland Airport’s bottom line and asset list without QAL putting in a single penny outside the requirements of airport maintenance and nuts and bolts. It was balanced story which avoided the usual skewed bullshit, which closed with the statement that it had contacted QAL for comment but they hadn’t replied by deadline. Normally, the story would not have been printed until Gill had his spin ready to put up a negative lead to the story.

Of course, The Magpie’s Nest itself is not always free of gratuitous cheer-leading comments, so on this occasion – THREE CHEERS FOR QANTAS.

Screen shot 2017-12-01 at 1.28.36 PM

And then there was this yarn about Adani, another favoured bastard child of the paper.

There was the usual high-kicking, pom-pom waving story straight of an industry media release claiming to explain ‘everything you need to know’ about getting a job with Adani’, but a usual, it raised more truly troubling questions than it promises to answer.

First, the report simply lists some dates for ‘employment information sessions’ with ‘primary contractor’ Downer Mining, but no venue or times. mThen, after quoting a Downer Mining media release about the work areas it covers (just about everything) reporter Tony Raggatt has the decency to write:

‘While it has been reported that Downer is yet to sign a binding contract and will not do so until the Indian group finalises funding for the initial stage of the project, Downer’s jobs portal said it was the “primary contractor”.

So these sessions will simply be further empty gabfest sessions which will not sign anyone up to a paying job, while bolstering Adani’s illusory fable that matters are going ahead no matter what. And the paper will sink deeper in to the mire of recrimination which will engulf it by hurtfully misled unemployed hopefuls when the whole thing falls over, which us increasingly on the cards – here are none so blind as those who will not see.

Downer is at least showing admirable responsibility, more than we can say for our gullible mayor.

But Adani management Are Shameless And Callous

So The Astonisher trumpets all this pie-in-the-sky long shot stuff cruelly playing on the desperation of those urgently needing a job. But if the wounds of the unemployed aren’t throbbing enough, Adani rubs in some salt, when Raggatt – who is smart enough not to suggest that he himself stating what he must know to be highly doubtful claims – writes:

‘In a statement this week, Adani said job creation for regional Queensland across its mine, rail and port projects was well under way. Adani hoped the regional employment events would help to create “a positive outlook for the regions moving forward into 2018”.

Adani's Aust CEO Jeyakumar Janakaraj

Adani Australian CEO Jeyakumar Janakaraj

“As our project continues to move forward, we are excited to bring regional Queensland workers on board to help us start building our mine, rail and port projects,” Adani Australia CEO and Country Head Jeyakumar Janakaraj said.

“Groups hoping to stop us have failed because we have already started.”

What?!? Here’s a newflash for you J-Man, you twisting callous c …. err. country head, you. As they say in court, just because you say it is so, does not make it so.

So to flatly state a unilateral claim that the project has ‘already started’ means it is a done deal is the stuff of Alice In Wonderland … if Alice is on LSD.

So it is going ahead, despite not having anyone truly interested in ponying up and putting finance in place, with no contract for your primary work supplier AND no guarantee of Australian taxpayer money to build your crucial rail line (emphasis on ‘your’)?

And even today, Chinese biggest bank, linked to the engineering crowd you said will buy into the project, nixed that plan outright … no dough for Adani, they said.

When oh when are people going to wake up? Even if some deal is cobbled together, the pack of cards that is Adani is set to come tumbling down, with a bigger fallout than QNI.

More Gore(y) Details

Craig Gore

rare picture of Craig Gore with his hand in his own pocket.


Has Craig Gore hit the toe, used some hidden stash and skipped the country, presumably to Sweden and the ever-loving arms of tax-cheating Swedish missus? His matter was mentioned in a Brisbane court yesterday (Friday) for the 9th time since April 14 when he was arrested on 15 fraud and ‘acting as a company director when disqualified’ charges.

The ‘acting’ charges and some of the fraud matters are connected to the  Hinchinbrook Resort in Cardwell, the town where the court ordered him to remain while on bail. Gore did not appear in court yesterday, nor at one or two previous occasions, and it must be assumed that again yesterday, the court excused his appearance, otherwise the matter would not have been again adjourned, this time to December 22, and arrest warrants likely issued.

But here’s the thing – Gore had been regularly strutting the streets of Cardwell and manning the bar at the Resort’s restaurant (scene of his spectacular melt-down and object throwing tantrum before his aresst). His appearance in the resort area had been specifically ruled out in his bail conditions, but such piffling little order like the that doesn’t bother this grub. BUT … The Magpie’s contacts tell him that no one in Cardwell has seen him for the past four weeks or so. Last sighting was on November 4th.

If this walking financial cancer has removed himself from the community body, then no matter where he is, he is breach of bail unless there is some special permission been granted which has not been made public. Gore is not the shy retiring type, so it will no doubt be soon before we know which part of Australia … or the planet … he is infesting.

Don Burke Has Been Misunderstood

Every innocent statement is being twisted.

don burke


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The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.

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