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The Magpie

Sunday, March 8th, 2020   |   339 comments

Mummy’s Little Helper: Mayor Mullet Enlists Daughter Lara For Some Web Trolling Under A False Name.

Lara Hill clearly hasn’t inherited her mother’s skills at duplicity … as her on-line alter ego Celine Schreiner, Ms Hill’s clumsy, parrot-like trolling of websites dissing any who oppose Mummy Mullet’s policies, has introduced an element of dark humour into an otherwise drab campaign. It’s like Jenny’s own little jukebox. The ‘Pie ponders.

Why the police … as well as the public … should be mightily pissed off with the Astonisher and the Courier … and ‘pissed off’ is the precise term.

And we all should be alarmed at the lazy reporting of a potentially fatal risk that puts the public … particularly school children … at major risk of injury or even death … but the Bulletin blithely skates past it.

And old mate and colleague John Andersen flatters The Magpie by picking up on a think piece the old bird wrote …. Two weeks ago.

Plus our weekly pictorial news from the Home Of The Knave and The Land of the Plea.

But first …

Gotta Love News Ltd … Even When They’re Wrong, They’re Right

This one the Australian on-line, must rate as the typo of the decade, in part because it’s probably 100% correct.

shit headline SnipImage

But on the subject of the corona virus, despite the above typo, The ‘Pie is at a loss to understand the rush to buy toilet paper. There has been no suggestion that what we shall call a different sort of ‘self evacuation’ is a big part of the corona symptoms. What is giving people the tom tits no end is all those nitwits braying ‘don’t panic’, which in itself suggests there might be reason to panic. And so people panic. Dumb. Stupid, but still toilet paper mania – and even a mega size bitch slap in Sydney  – has taken hold across the nation, and even here in the what is now apparently Bowelsville. Like this supermarket at Derragun.

Screen Shot 2020-03-07 at 11.17.03 pm

But for the quick-thinking and impatient supermarket customer, Bentley thinks there is a small advantage with the situation.


And if you needed any greater proof of the panicked stocking of toilet paper, it must be this.

Screen Shot 2020-03-07 at 11.28.10 pm

Yup even the usual pile of left-over Bulletin have disappeared of the shelves.

But the most likeable newspaper in the News td group, the NT Times, was as always ahead of the games and the inevitable jokes.

Toilet paper

The Mayoral Campaign Gets Mildly Interesting

The ‘Pie has always agreed with the old saying ‘My mother, drunk or sober’, when it comes to the question of family loyalty. And The Magpie is just as steadfast in his rule on this blog that family members of those in the public spotlight are off-limits for critical comment … UNLESS they themselves choose to step into that spotlight where community interest and right to know is involved.

As far as that goes, one can understand Lara Hill’s defence and strident put-downs on Facebook of those who oppose Mummy Mullet. But apparently as a jolly wheeze, she tries to play the fool and pretend to be just some ordinary punter named Celine Schreiner, out there. This phantom is  ‘All For Jenny’ and is scornful of her opponents,  but the the ninny doesn’t realise she actually doing damage to the cause she’s been recruited to. The reaction to her bumbling attempts at camouflage have been met with howling derision across social media, and its little wonder she was so easily uncovered.

Lara HillScreen Shot 2020-03-07 at 10.30.10 am

This is Lara Hill, with doting mum on her left.

And then we are told that this is Celine Schreiner on her Facebook posts, when it sure as hell looks like Lara Hill from a few years ago.

Lara Hill as celine Screen Shot 2020-03-07 at 10.29.31 am

This shows that she is apparently about as bright as her mother, when it comes to ‘transparency’. And she employs the tactic promoted by Joseph Goebbels: ‘Accuse the other side of that which you are guilty.’ Viz:

IMG_5330 Mummy’s little helper has just fucked up.

There Are Clear Signs That Corey Davis Has Got The Mullet Rattled …

… along with one of her star recruits to Team Hill, Liam Mooney.  Mooney Junior’s main threat in Division 9 is Corey Davis. It is yet to be seen if the Mooney name is a help or a hindrance – many remember that Pa Mooney was a two-time loser above council level, beaten like a red haired stepchild, by goofy unknown Frank Tanti when he tried for state in 1995, and again when he tilted for the Federal seat of Herbert in 2010 only to be beaten – oh, the embarrassment – by the gormless Ewen Jones.

Labor ties are strong, because although Tony Mooney and Jenny Hill loath each other, young Liam has been appearing in all sorts of photo ops with her, including this cynical campaign clanger which has created a city-wide howl of rage.

 Screen Shot 2020-03-07 at 12.26.03 pm

Why Ms Batkovic is in the pic can only be put down to ‘adding star power’, and giving new team members maximum exposure.  Sadly, the story has blown up in Mayor Mullet’s face, seems the whole place has seen through the cynicism of an empty campaign gee-up, so Having Ms Batkovic and Mooney Jnr in the pic has actually done them no favours.

Even the staid old ABC let a few funny and critical comments through, as in this sample. Love the teeth reference.

Screen Shot 2020-03-06 at 2.15.51 pm

Interesting that the Astonisher did not ask Sam Cox for a quote to balance the story – but TV did –  so we can guess what we’re in for over the  couple of weeks.

Copycat Campaigning

Corey DavisScreen Shot 2020-01-12 at 12.55.15 am

Corey Davis

The ‘Pie is told that Corey Davis a tireless campaigner and door knocker, and feed back has alarmed The Mullet for some time now. Not only is Lara Hill aka Celine Schreiner mega trolling Davis’s website- about 35 comments over the time –  The ‘Pie has noticed an interesting tactic that has emerged over the months – copy cat campaigning. Consider the following:

Back in December, Davis introduced the concept of an inclusive playground for Townsville. releasing a video showing one in Parramatta and included an interview with a special education expert on the topic. A week later, Liam interviewed Coleen Doyle, discussing the inclusiveness committee with Liam reporting that “he feels strongly about inclusive playgrounds”.

  1. Then Davis released a number of ideas he said would better engage Townsville’s youth through parks, sports, the arts etc. The following week Liam posted a video about youth engagement.
  1. Davis was the first candidate calling for the reintroduction of dump vouchers with the addition of an annual booking service …all before even Sam Cox adopted the idea – the Labor camp was scathing of the idea, but quickly pulled their heads in when they the overwhelmingly positive support for the idea.
  1. Davis posted a video and posted a call for more urgently needed CCTV cameras to improve community safety. Shortly afterwards, Liam Mooney featured in his own video standing next to portable CCTV apparatus in Dean Park, making claims of Team Hill’s roll-out of additional CCTV around Townsville.
  1. Last Monday night, Davis released an original concept for his pet project concerning Pump Tracks, and has so far reported to have attracted 11,000 views. Then lo and behold, the God of Coincidences struck yet again, because on Wednesday  with the Townsville City Council sharing a “Have your say” on the topic of building a new Pump Track at Murray Park.

The ‘Pie was totally clueless what was a ‘pump track’ and knowing the general age of his readership, The Magpie shares what Wikipedia told him about this.

pump track is a circuit of rollers, banked turns and features designed to be ridden completely by riders “pumping”—generating momentum by up and down body movements, instead of pedaling or pushing.[1] It was originally designed for the mountain bike and BMX scene, and now, due to concrete constructions, is also used by skateboard and scooter riders, and accessible to wheelchairs. Pump tracks are relatively simple to use and cheap to construct, and cater to a wide variety of rider skill levels.

When The ‘Pie contacted Davis about this campaign copying catting, he said he’d seen it, and admitted ‘in one way, every day now is like Groundhog Day’ from the Mooney/Hill camp.’

The Astonisher’s Theme Song: Call Me Irresponsible

The ‘Pie chucked a big tanty in comments to start the week, and doesn’t intend to apologise … an instance of the Astonisher at at it’s laziest dereliction of its appointed job, condoning bureaucratic indifference to a major public danger here in Townsville. This from comments.

The Magpie

March 2, 2020 at 12:45 pm  (Edit)

Honestly, what the fuck is up with you, Townsville Bulletin? And you too, dozey reporter Madura ‘Teabag’ McCormack, who bleats on social media that she pulls ’90 hour weeks’ … m’dear, wasted hours when you apparently wouldn’t know a real story if it came up and bit her on her split infinitives?

Look at this front page today.

And the alarming news of the aquarium’s decline …

…. and inside, more genuinely alarming stuff about official neglect…

All this is clearly just written from an email release, without a single phone call to anybody (good journos know how to get hold of people on Sundays, so don’t try that on).

And at no stage did Teabag McCormack consider the REAL story … when you report things like ‘critical disrepair’, ‘structure no longer safe’, viewing windows ‘beyond all known life expectancy’ the rooftop substation ‘at risk of collapse’, and ‘much of the structure is no longer safe’, you do not parrot the official line that that the aquarium ‘could be closed for up to 12 months FROM EARLY NEXT YEAR’. Because that means 12 months when unsuspecting members of the public are deliberately put at risk of injury or even death.

FFS, doesn’t that one crucial question bob into your mind? That given the official report, THE REEF HQ AQUARIUM SHOULD BE CLOSED IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE IT IS WELL BEYOND ANY ACCEPTABLE LIMITS OF PUBLIC AND STAFF SAFETY.
Instead, you unquestioningly and inadvertently admit that there will be a year of unacceptable and maybe deadly risk to the public and workers.

That should be your headline, you thick ninnies … that that goes for new iditor, who has a greater responsibility to the public than to be asleep at the wheel with this irresponsible, unprofessional ignorance of journalism 101.
We live in a modern shadow flinching society that dictate’s workers can’t go out in the world without sunscreen and long sleeved hi-vis vests – but a clear danger of injury and more likely death to the public doesn’t rate or register with gormless fuckwits?

No it doesn’t. All it rates is a far from amusing daily cartoon …

… which is going to make the The Townsville Bulletin look – again – like the fucking careless idiots you are if something of the likelihood happens.


Mark And The Magpie

Molachino and magpie Screen Shot 2020-03-04 at 3.03.28 pm

Unopposed maybe but not forgotten in the Nest, Clr Molachino. Be wary.

This was not photo-shopped, just mysteriously and without any reference was the pic used in the Astonisher’s list of candidates..

What Planet Is She From? And Hopefully Only Visiting

Weirdest statement of the campaign so far.From Jenny Hill in a TV news interview.

“Townsville is a safe place. I still maintain that when you look at it statistically-wise, Townsville is still one of the safest places in Australia.”

Oh, OK then, if we’re one of the safest places in Australia, guess we won’t need any more coppers, eh?

Christ, honestly, it’s not abuse, it is only a fact when The ‘Pie says this woman is just plain stupid.

Here’s a visual that tells the story, no words needed.


And Premier’s Got A Bloody Hide

See this today?

Palaszczuk on corona Screen Shot 2020-03-07 at 11.24.28 am

Well, you’d be an expert on that, Madam Premier. Reading this in a city riven by out-of-control youth crime, where we’re still waiting for the extra coppers you promised at the last election, and pleading for absolutely necessary legislative changes from your government to end this hell, with law abiding citizens so frustrated and let down some are teetering on the edge of vigilante action, it is hard to believe that you have the unmitigated gall to lecture anyone else’s government being ‘too slow to act’.

Come on, October … quickly, or none of us will be able to drive to the polling booths.

And Speaking Of October …

ando crisafulli

Nice to see old colleague John Ando Andersen at the Astonisher is still an avid Magpie reader, but The ‘Pie thanks him for having the decency to wait for a couple weeks before catching up with the old bird’s political ponderings.

Screen Shot 2020-03-07 at 10.17.00 pm

So hope you don’t mind Ando if The ‘Pie uses you as this week’s researcher and pinches a bit from your most informative column today. Just so we all know where our hard earned is going, Ando writes:

Here is a guide to who earns what in councils.

Townsville City Council’s mayor Jenny Hill is paid $208,000. Her deputy receives $141,520 and the councillors $124,869 each.

The Mayor of the Mackay City Council receives $158,000, the deputy $104,000 and councillors $91,521.

The mayors of councils such as Whitsunday (Bowen, Collinsville, Cannonvale, Airlie Beach, Proserpine) Tablelands (Atherton, Malanda, Milla Millaa, Ravenshoe) and Cassowary Coast (Innisfail, Tully, Cardwell, Mission Beach) earn $133,000, their deputy’s $83,000 and councillors $70,759.

The Mareeba and Mt Isa mayors are paid $124,000, their deputy’s $74,800 and councillors $62,000. The Mayors of Palm Island, Etheridge (Georgetown) Hinchinbrook (Ingham) and of the Flinders Highway Shires taking in Charters Towers, Hughenden (Flinders Shire) Richmond, McKinlay (Julia Creek) and Cloncurry earn $108,000. Their deputy’s $62,000 and councillors, $54,000.

The Lord Mayor of Brisbane is paid $260,342.

And Will The Bulletin Ever Be Held To Account For The Crime Wave They Encourage

Screen Shot 2020-03-07 at 6.33.20 pm

And the paper even thinks it’s funny, with a ‘crying with laughter’ emoji. How can they not be called to account when they give a wider and mainstream platform – and the approval of humour – to this sort of criminal activity, glorifying that otherwise would be restricted to a couple of social media websites.

Police Union spokesman Ian Leavers should be right onto News over this (it originated in the Courier), because giving this stuff star treatment just because it is on (free) social media is a demeaning insult to all those folk we call on to put their lives and well being on the line for our safety every day.

Noted In Passing

It is reported (very unreliably) to The ‘Pie that there was a brief kerfuffle at the cremation of a long serving Townsville Council parking officer during the week. Just as the doors opened to the flames, a voice suddenly cried out from inside the coffin ’Let me out, I’m not dead, let me out.’ The presiding vicar, who frequently visits the CBD,  leant down to the coffin, and sucking back a sympathetic breath through his teeth said ‘Sorry, mate, the paperworks already been done’, and pressed the button.


This bloke …

Greg Hallamsafe_image

Greg Hallam, CEO LGAQ

…is Greg Hallam, CEO of the Local Government association of Queensland, and a trigger happy litigator of various folks who dare wonder at the creeping influence and power of the LGAQ.

Sifting through some research, The Magpie was amused to see that Greg  – who incidentally, worked with the Mooney Council in Townsville 30 years ago, was not a happy chook when he was mentioned by a group of people on Facebook during a discussion about local government corruption. (Noooo! Mercy me, surely not!!)

But apparently what got up the Hallam proboscis most was being called Jabba the Hutt – that is this Star Wars character …


Incensed that he had been compared to an evil intergalactic gangster, Mr Hallam reached for his trusty lawyer and sued. He told the court he has been “greatly injured in his credit and reputation” by the posts and that they have affected his health and caused “feelings of frustrated anger, irritability and short temper” and “social withdrawal”. Which is understandable, and if one is generous, believable, although lawyers are given to unauthorised flights of hyperbole from time to time.

The ‘Pie has never found out the outcome of that particular teacup tempest, but can sympathise with Mr Hallam, who, c’mon now, looks nothing like Jabba The Hutt – no really, stop it, he doesn’t – … but a word of advice Greg: if you keep on with those ratepayer-funded long lunches, you will soon look more like Pizza the Hutt.

Meanwhile Out In Katter Kountry


During the week, a typical night at Bob’s favourite watering hole in Cloncurry.

The Democrats Are Sharing The Spotlight in Trumpsylvania At The Moment …

But you can’t keep the Tangerine Arsesole away from the lime light for long. This week’s gallery.

14_58 9_107 8_112 2_220 6_37 karikatur für titelseite-oldies 7_133 12_80 13_67 11_91 11_87 14_59 13_66 19_36 18_36


Lots of stuff that couldn’t fit in this week, but sincere thanks to all who in stuff … most of it made it into comments, shouldn’t miss them often as informative and fun that the blog. If you think all this weekly tripe is worth the read, perhaps you might help support the blog with a donation, it would be a great help. The donation button is below.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.


  1. Mike Douglas says:

    Thanks for the heads up Pie on Celine Schreiner but as you featured TRRA i note as a facebook group they have posted nothing on the Stadium , Elton John and the thousands of residents and ratepayers (who they say they represent ) enjoying the evening and the positive feedback including cbd hotels, resturants, bars . On the Cowboys , Lawrence Lancini handed over a healthy club with a record $35 mil revenue (equal to South Sydney ) and profit of $1 mil . The Cowboys have accepted increased Adani $ as presenting partner for “adopt a school ” extending the current deal to the clubs major partners on a multi year deal . Does this mean we will have activists protesting at Cowboys Games, blocking entries and locking themselves to gates ? .

    • The Magpie says:

      Nope, clever PR move by the club and Adani. My reference was to the proposition that the Cowboys were considering a uniform branding deal, which definitely would bring out the ferals.

      • Kenny Kennett says:

        Ah yes, so the Adani sponsorship gives Greta Thunberg more schools to target. Coal sponsorship v the 17 year old parrot. It’d be bloody hilarious to see the ‘Swedish’ Miss float her boat up the Ross River to Kelso state to get the kids to strike…only to find out that most have skipped school anyway and three of them have just hotwired her boat and are zipping around Cleveland Bay.

  2. I’ll be plucked says:

    What about the trolls who come on here Pie? Any chance of outing them?

    Good blog again this week – isn’t it ironic that she who claims the campaign will ‘be/get dirty’, has her daughter using a nom de plume to fire bullets?!! Ironic but to be expected?

  3. Fishframe says:

    Hilarious Pie ! I researched into Celine Schreiner last week after seeing her trolling online. Couldn’t find a thing other than it’s the same name as a beer.

  4. Muff diver says:

    Great sniffing Pie to flush out the Mayors daughter-troll!

  5. Noddy says:

    Hehe. Hey Magpie, please let us know how soon you get your threatening legal letter from Hallam re the Jabba article. Only took them a few days to go after me for posting a picture of Princess Leia choking Jabba with a comment about how things finished in the movie.

  6. 21 Days says:

    Well it always was a Labor party tactic to get a select group of members to write in to the paper supporting your candidates and criticizing the opposition. And now there’s a fleet of them on social media. Kyle Walker is usually front and center. But at least he represents himself. Hiding behind a fake profile, is spineless. And using a photo of yourself is just dumb.

    • The Magpie says:

      The ‘Pie has a watch alert on . Kyle, who is nibbling at the side of the trough at the moment, think is in O’Rort’s office. Looked at his profile and he is certainly waiting in the wings for higher office, probably aiming for a state nomination. Better not be phonephobic like his vacuous dad.

  7. Astonished says:

    If the Mullet retains her dictatorship the credit for giving us four more years of behind closed doors transparency must surely go to the Townsville Bulletin and her mate, Premier Anna Alphabet.
    History shows that;
    – Thousands of homes were flooded when our local disastrous committee decided to let the dam fill to 200% capacity, then opened the gates on high tide. At the time is was suggested that the police chief who sat on that committee had argued unsuccessfully for a staged release of water days before the disaster. A few months later, same police chief was transferred out of town. Premier Anna ordered a review of the dam management, but then words the terms of reference to avoid any scrutiny of the massive release of water on a high tide and the late warning given to residents.
    – The Mullet was involved in a motor vehicle collision which resulted in a fatality. Despite CCTV footage being handed over by the nearby McDonald’s restaurant, police have made no mention of what the footage showed, whether she was using a mobile phone, or if she failed to give way to oncoming traffic. Instead we were told it could take up to 12 months to investigate the crash. A few weeks later the new police chief was suddenly transferred out of town.
    – A council financial statement revealed the city was almost $600 million in debt, but no questions asked by the Townsville Bulletin about whether ratepayers could afford the interest, or what plans the Mullet had to reduce it. Worse still, no questions asked about whether she planned to borrow more money to fund the Elton John/Cowboys ticket giveaway (needed to avoid the embarrassment of a half full stadium), the lame duck (without the Holdens) V8 Supercars 5 year deal, a visit by a lowly ranked Premier League soccer team, and a boxing bout featuring The Hornet.
    – The Mullet pledged $18 million of ratepayers money for an Adani airport hundreds of miles from Townsville (after going on an Adani junket to India) and the State Government controlled Crime and Corruption Commission thinks that’s fair enough.
    Not much we can do about the bias of the Townsville Bulletin, but bring on the state election.

    • Memory Man says:

      Coming to grips with reality is a bit confronting. For the best part of the last 7+ years, the NQ economy has been languishing on just about all measures below the national average. And that’s despite the Kool-Aid.

      Public funding of infrastructure has kept the place afloat, though it’s debatable as to whether the things invested in are much chop. The stadium is a case in point.

      I read the paper regularly crow about the dollars being spent in development. Without comparative context, headline numbers like “$50m being spent on the Strand etc.” create the impression that things are picking up a head of steam. The Council’s own data on building approvals tells a different story, I’m afraid. Check it out here: https://www.townsville.qld.gov.au/building-planning-and-projects/planning-and-building-approval/planning-guidelines-and-tools/building-approval-reports. Some of your time-rich readers can no doubt go through the monthly reports dating back to January 2013 (the reports have data going back 4 years) and give a blow by blow account. Poodle and puppet “economists” don’t help when they spruik rather than analyse.

      There’s little private sector investment to speak of, as this building approvals data makes clear. A paltry and pathetic “$1000 first home buyers’ rates concession” is meaningless and insulting. The number of new dwellings for first home buyers, as the data shows, means the concession will make no difference anyway. Worse is that $1000 won’t make or break a first mortgage lending decision.

      The place has a lot going for it. A skilled population. Critical public social and economic infrastructure. Amazing natural assets. Proximity to Asia. A growing wave of cheap renewable energy being developed on its doorstep. It needs a lot of things to harness all this raw material, and one of those is a clear signal from the world of bureaucracy that private investment is welcome with open arms, clear the decks for private entrepreneurs to take some risks and make sure good regulation doesn’t strangle things before they can get off the ground. Zealous planning kills investment projects.

      The crime situation is terrible, and has been a longstanding problem. It requires leadership because there are no easy solutions. Short term symptoms need to be tackled, and that means cutting the cycle of offence-bail-offence. But we all know that doesn’t actually solve causes. Jail is the best training ground for more sophisticated crime, and many a criminal gang “on the outside” is “run from the inside”. So medium and long term solutions are needed. This takes serious leadership and commitment.

      Add to all this the crappy macro economic conditions sweeping across the economy as a whole and you’ve got a regional economy and community at serious risk of sliding even further. Townsville never got the bounce from soft monetary policy over the past 7 years, and is ill equipped at present to tackle its challenges and, in the process, grasp (create) the opportunities of the future.

      All that said, in my discussions around the traps, I see glimmers of prospect. Good people won’t give up on the place quickly, even if many are leaving it, having made their quids.

      The election campaign looks a bit like a damp squid from afar. I hope the debate on the ground is more engaging.

    • Also astonished says:

      Transparancy at council, good one. Past 2 chiefs of safety haven’t been involved in the 1 comittee that they should. Oh well, just another tactic of an empire builder.

  8. 21 Days says:

    Kyle has been trying to be a campaign manager for some time. He’s about as useful as his old man.
    I do hear he’s not a bad soccer coach. And should probably keep his aspirations at that level.

  9. Cantankerous but happy says:

    In the year leading up to the last council election Townsville average monthly dwelling approvals were as follows,
    94 houses
    32. Units
    Total. 1512 approvals for the year

    In the lead up to this years election under this hopeless mayor and council averages are
    35 Houses
    3 units ( for the whole year)
    Total 423 approvals for the year

    An epic fail from Jenny Hill and her band of disgusting failures around her, anyone voting for this to continue is a brainless fuckwit.

  10. Alahazbin says:

    Channel 7 in Brisbane was worse than the Astonisher with regards to the brazen ‘Southside Gang’
    Arranged an interview with 3 of the snots to promote their cause and “FTP” was the theme.
    Why didn’t Channel 7 arrange for the police to be there after the interview and arrest those three.
    Would have got some off the streets.
    After all there is no honour amongst thieves. Ch7 included.

  11. Dutch Reverend says:

    I’m inclined to think that the profile of Celine is actually our illustrious Mayor Mullet. Some time ago there was a profile of Mike Lewis who constantly posted in defence of Mullet. I noticed some time ago where I mentioned that Councillors should not be using official Council media (Facebook etc) under false identities, that the Mike Lewis posts ceased on the TCC Facebook platform. The new profile of Celine appeared. Look at Mike Lewis’ profile and his friends and those that he follows.


    BTW, the profile picture is of a guy modelling Yeonju men’s seat absorbing headbands.
    I notice Mike has made a comeback after your article on Celine this morning.
    If you check in the Bulletin Facebook page you can also see a spar between Neil Parker and Celine where he called her the Mayor and that she wouldn’t get back in. To which Celine responded, “Wanna bet …….. I like my chances” approx. 10.00pm in Friday night. (could be a bit ambiguous about confidently winning the bet or the election) Funny that. Judging by the number of new identities popping up on the various social media platforms the current Councillors are working over time during the caretaker period. Let’s see how long these posts remain on the Bullshit Facebook site. May be taken down before too long

  12. Water works (or not) says:

    Wonder if BMD have good insurance for the work they did on the $8 million Supply and Construction of the Charters Towers Road Water main replacement job they did in 2015/16, just a little bit of water there this morning

    I hope the mass Council sackings, sorry “restructure” meant we didn’t throw out the experience needed to oversee this type of contract….

    • Alan Sheret says:

      How can this be allowed to happen? Screwed up priorities. The story of Jenny Hill’s Townsville.

      New stadium … old pipes.

      This happened within 20 minutes on Charters Towers Road this morning.

    • Mark Harvey says:

      Waterworks has it wrong – the new replacement water main being referred to does not actually run down Charters Towers Rd at all – it was to replace the functionality of one of the old large mains that do run down Charters Towers Rd. The new one is in Mindham drain. This mains failure is most likely one of the old mains – there are several that cross that intersection.

      • The Magpie says:

        Fair comment, but surely a proper maintenance/replacement schedule should avoid this sort of thing happening. It doesn’t matter why, it just is not acceptable in a modern city with access to the latest technology.

        • Cantankerous but happy says:

          Half the problem is blocked rainwater drains that have never been cleaned out since the floods, half blocked with mud and garbage, we have a property down the road from this corner and it backed up after some recent rain, water only drained away very slowly, either way it’s just more neglect from this council.

        • Water Water Everywhere says:

          It would seem that Council’s mapping service (https://www.townsville.qld.gov.au/building-planning-and-projects/mapping-services/townsvillemaps) has that water main being constructed in 1950 out of Cast Iron, I wonder why it failed…

          I suppose a well structured and planned asset replacement program would cost more than a $1000 handout to first home buyers…

          • The Magpie says:

            A lot more, which will be paid for under this regime by the current householders.

  13. The Dust Mask says:

    So the Mullet appears yet again in the media donning a purple style semi-doona! Will she ever change her dress code? And as for her daughter, mini-me, going undercover on Faecesbook, what a complete and utter moron. That photo of her is also disturbing, she looks like The Joker.

  14. Dutch Reverend says:

    Only a true narcissist would have themselves listed twice as a person that they like and follow.

  15. Cracker says:

    Coincidence that Celine Schreiner has changed her profile picture to a picture Townsville?

  16. Alan Sheret says:

    This just gets stranger and stranger. The following is from a person running for public office and a public meeting.

    My cameraman, Alex was confronted by Mayor Jenny Hill at the start of the MIRRA meeting yesterday, Saturday 7/3/2020. She said to Alex that he was not to film her as she had not give him permission to do so. I wondered, does she have something to hide ? Alex raised the issue with me immediately and I gave him my direct response. ‘If anyone has a issue with you filming while you are under my direction you are to refer them to me please.’ Cameron Turnbull, president of the MIRRA meeting that day then approached me with a very worried look on his face and said Jenny has a issue with you filming her, you need to find a solution to this straight away. I replied to Cameron give me a minute and I’ll get straight back to you. I then approached Sam Cox and said do you have a issue with me filming you today and he said no, without hesitation. I then approached Greg Dowling and asked him the same question. He replied, ‘ No, not at all’. I then confirmed my course of action to Cameron that I would turn the camera off at Jenny’s direction when she first started to speak and if you (Cameron) could tell me when she was finished so I could start filming again, Cameron accepted this and said, ‘If their was any further issues I will get straight back to you’. There were no further issues with filming at this MIRRA meeting.

    I do not know what to make of this incident.

    • The Magpie says:

      Hahaahahahah … that’s Mayor Mullet somehow wanting all her PUBLIC statements to be Commercial In Confidence. And BTW, if you are a MI ratepayer, she surely doesn’t have the right or the reason to stop being filmed. That you are a candidate is irrelevant.

    • Achilles says:

      Did her Railing highness command the plebs in the audience to turn off their mobile phone camera’s.
      If not why the selective prevention of a worker performing his duty in a public arena.

      • The Magpie says:

        Good question, and if anyone did record her sylvan words of wisdom, whack it across to email hidden; JavaScript is required so we are not deprived of wise counsel. h, If only we had a wise council.

        • City dweller says:

          Is this meeting the one at the bowls club?? Sorry i think im mistaken about the abbreviated name. If it was at the bowls club i remembered on Trevor Roberts page he filmed inside the club no problem and put it in a post. I apologise in advance if ive got it mixed up. I know the media were asked not to film in there.

          • The Magpie says:

            Was any reason given as to why such a community concerned meeting should not be filmed? This is extending the Culture of Secrecy well beyond Walker Street, but is a great example of the problems of lack of transparency and accountability. BTW the meeting in question was on Saturday (yesterday 8th)

        • City dweller says:

          Ok yeah I’m mixed up with the crime meeting where the 3 stooges complained about the cameras. My bad sorry. Thats the one i seen on Trevors page.

    • The Dust Mask says:

      Was she wearing the purple doona? That’s got to be the issue – the lighting was poor and it would have showed off her Michelin man bumps and folds and rolls etc, that’s why she was carrying on like a goose.

    • Fishframe says:

      The only thing I can think of is that maybe this was not the Mayor, but a ‘body double’ put in her place. I’ve seen this sort of thing in movies.

  17. I’ll be plucked says:

    Not long to go now to vote………I can smell those dump vouchers in the mail! :)

    • City dweller says:

      I hope you dont live on charters towers rd, after this morning you might smell other things very soon too. Ill give you my vouchers when we get them back, im in a high rise unit. One more thing i havnt seen that bloody garbage truck holding me up anymore either. Maybe you are the messiah magpie, or just a very naughty boy.

  18. Dave of Kelso says:

    For those who cannot wait, and wish to ‘express themselves’ early, and I am one, ( a pox on the Mullet & Co.) pre polling starts 16th at, 1 Woodman Court, West End. Enjoy! It is the old Spotlight building.


  19. Corona Head says:

    Bloody hell, I’m down to my last 10 toilet rolls, what am I to do?

    • The Magpie says:

      Got any champagne corks?

      • Dave of Kelso says:

        Re CH being down to last ten rolls, I did write in how to make maximum use of one square of toot paper at a time. Yes it was gross and rightly rejected, but, if CH becomes desperate and panicky you could send it to him, or her, or something else, privately.

        Just trying to be really really helpful.

        • The Magpie says:

          It was a century old army bit of ‘sergeant’s advice to recruits’ and really only works visually, otherwise its sly humour just becomes gross. And oh dearie me, heaven’s to Betsy, we couldn’t have that on such a chaste site as this, could we?

    • YellowPages says:

      Olde phone books work wonders

    • Jatzcrackers says:

      Don’t forget a piece of paper has two sides !

  20. Trevor Elson Independent Division 9 candidate says:

    I agree that the Mayor is concerned about Division 9 but I would like to remind The magpies that I have been bringing attention to the shortcomings of the Mayor and her Team dynamics for 2 and a half years. The responses that I have had over that time have been very extremely supportive and that support has stepped up incredibly in the past month of door knocking and letter box deliveries. My 12 and a half years inside the council dynamics gives me great insight into what we need to move forward and my persistence will continue once I have the pleasure of representing residents of Division 9.

    • Dave of Kelso says:

      Good fortune to those in Div 9.

      Spare a thought for us in Div 4 with, it seems, no choice at all for councillor.

      BUT we do have a choice for Mayor. May the tide recede on the Mullet.

      May the sun shine on Sam.

      • Trevor Elson Independent Division 9 candidate says:

        Hi Dave, please remember that although you are not in Division 9 it was made quite clear at the candidate training that you are not just there to represent the Division you are elected to but the whole of Townsville.

        • Salt and Peppa says:

          So Trev what’s your opinion of the proposed industrial estate in woodstock ? – just for the record ( representing the whole of Townsville and all that ).

          • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

            … is that crickets I hear?

            I can understand Sam Cox being cautious as his relatives have land interests in the area which he would undoubtedly see as a conflict, but surely Trevor has a response to what is growing as a burning issue.

            Notice the Astonisher are saying coronavirus (indirectly) may be responsible for scuppering the battery factory – I won money at work with that prediction so am a happy camper heading for a big counter-meal tonight.

  21. One legged tap dancer says:

    Magpie, you silly old bird.
    Do you really expect Jenny and her band of arm raising councilors to use their own money to clear drains and replace aging pipes?
    The council is broke after blowing the budget on pommie soccer teams, aging rock stars and beefcake gardeners, so unimportant things like road maintenance, rubbish collection, street cleaning and infrastructure maintenance have to wait until after the election.
    Then they will simply borrow another lazy $100 million to take care of the little things, unless of course there’s a chance of getting a Dame Edna or Tiny Tim concert at the stadium.

    • Achilles says:

      Long shot to get Dame Edna even if you offered a paddock full of Gladdies, and Tiny Tim, well he’s been pushing up daisy’s to tip-toe with his tulips for quite some while.

    • Critical says:

      Just driven down Charters Towers and Ross River Roads and still closed at 6pm from Townsend Street to Balls Lane intersection.
      Any urgent investigation into this mains rupture will surely be a cover-up and all sorts of reasons will be made for the rupture of the water main except the vital reason of a lack of maintenance and replacement of the city’s ageing infrastructure by this council. I wonder if this report will be made publically available before people start voting on 16 March 2020.
      I wonder what this incident has cost the ratepayers and impacted businesses and if their insurance covered this type of incident and if the result will be the closure of further businesses.

      • The Magpie says:

        Hey Crits, there’s an upside to everything. The mess and damage to businesses on CTR was featured on the ABC . 7pm tv bulletin, again showing the world that our busted arse mayor can swindle the taxpayers for a stadium but she can’t get the most basic infrastructure right or maintained. Priorities, priorities.

        • Critical says:

          I see that it got national and on-line attention so the world definitely knows that we’ve been run by a council circus of clowns.
          No wonder people have added Clownsville to the list of monikers for the city.

          On a positive note though, I’m glad that this water main didn’t burst on a week day which would have caused heaps of traffic and business chaos, particularly during peak hours.

          Just feel sorry for those impacted business owners.

  22. Achilles says:

    According to a very unreliable source, The Astonisher; announces that from tomorrow Queensland schools will no longer have traditional libraries, ie a place with books, these places are now designated “Innovation Hubs”.

    Maybe its because the new teacher fraternity are completely illiterate, and actually have been for quite some time.

    What loony “progressive” fuckwhit academental dreamed up this Orwell-eon brain fart.” More to the point who authorised it?

    • Kingswood says:

      C’mon, be reasonable, there’s priorities you know.

      The library had to go to make room for the new gender neutral toilets….

      • Critical says:

        If schools don’t need libraries then the next Council should consider replacing the 3 libraries with innovation spaces. There must be savings there with not needing to buy books and IT equipment and technology usually mean less space and staff required so further savings there. OMG, what a radical but very unpopular idea.

        • Madam Pince says:

          Careful what you wish for – the rumour is the new Smart Precinct will house the Townsville library, but there is no room for books.

  23. Frauline Schreiner says:

    Yous can say wot you want to about me mum but she is gonna get re-elected. Her Alabama hairstyle and 70’s wardrobe reflects character and a woman who knows how to not waste money. That’s who we need for Mayor of this great city. The naysayers can get fucked cos it’s Team shill 2020.

  24. Trevor Elson Independent Division 9 candidate says:

    As I have been campaigning for 2 and a half years I would like to make the Magpie and readers of this blog aware that I initially made the return of dump vouchers a policy back in May last year when I made my intention known that I would run as am Independent for Division 9, this and many other concerns/policies from listening to residents has been handed out and posted about 6 months before any of the current Candidates made their intention known.

    • The Magpie says:

      Well, there ya go, Plucker, someone was listening to you after all. And Trevor, you are clearly in tune with the voters on this issue.

      • I’ll be plucked says:

        Well then Pie, the sweet smell of vouchers gets stronger by the day and night, not long to go now! Hmmm, the aroma is so enticing!

  25. The Magpie says:

    GO YOU GIRLS !!! India beaten like a rented mule in the World T20 final … 5 titles now. And unlike all the other mostly dreary wannbee imitation womens sports, this was a cracker… these sheilas always deliver.

  26. George Gently says:

    WTF is it with Mullet and water? The pipeline, last years floods and now the Charters Towers Rd flooding disaster for small business!!!

    Is she jinxed?

  27. The Magpie says:

    The sad truth.

    • Achilles says:

      That overarching phrase was eloquently and graphically used in the US “sus” electoral campaigning that got Dubbya erected/elected in the drooping State of Florida, over Al ‘the Green’ Gore.

  28. Fishframe says:

    Did a Cruise ship dock in Townsville last night? I thought they were being turned away from most Ports due to Covid-19.

    • George Gently says:

      The mob on the docked ship only have a dose of Crown Lager virus (CLV2020) and have stopped here to tank up again!

  29. Dave of Kelso says:

    I look forward to seeing the Mullet, with a media contingent in tow, inspecting her Charters Towers Rd. flooding, and comforting the long suffering business owners, or will the pigs fly first?

  30. Jatzcrackers says:

    The harsh reality is that pressured water main system can fail. Faulty fittings (tees and elbows) seals and even pipe lengths with the occasional weak wall, however this isn’t the main problem…see how clever I was with words there…the real issue is that the useless shortsighted Head Honchos in Walker Street totally decimated the skilled work force with the Big Cleanout a couple of years ago. Hence, no response team, no response plan or leadership when an issue like Charters Towers Road happens !

  31. One legged tap dancer says:

    Any doubts that the Townsville Bulletin is totally biased towards Team Jenny Hill were erased this morning when they put her not-so-brilliant idea to fix the crime problem (failing to mention that she has no authority to make young criminals do anything) on the front page and buried the Charters Towers Road flooding story inside.
    To add insult to injury, they AGAIN failed to get comments on Hill’s crime policy from any of the 3 other mayoral candidates.
    But wait, there’s more. The editorial says Mrs Hill is the first candidate to come up with a policy to fight child crime.
    Didn’t Sam Cox go hard on this a couple of weeks ago?

    • Cockie says:

      OLTD, I remember a meeting of prospective council reps. and mayors at the Townsville showgrounds, way back in 2012, where they all spoke on what to do with the repeat juvenile criminals and their election policies. We have had 8 years of labor slanted council leadership since then and the issue has escalated to the present situation. If the Mayor Hill hasn’t done anything in the past 8 years to pressurize her ALP mates to reduce crime, how are we to believe she will do anything in the next term? Yes, Silent Sam is looking good.

    • The Dust Mask says:

      Townsvillle’s local newspapers are a disgrace. Biased, pathetic and boring reporting. They twist fact into fiction and truth into bullshit. The Tangerine Anus, although a complete fucktard, is correct – fake news, fake media, biased reporting. We should boycott these shit Newspapers and hound them out of our town. They print utter shit anyway. Hopefully some levels of the News industry will go bust in due course. Why pay your hard earned dollars to read fake and twisted spin and lies in either hard or soft copy format?? Fuck that.

      • The Magpie says:

        Papers plural? Do tell. And the Astonisher has been feeling the bite of readership boycott(really just total indifference) for some time now.

        Unfortunate in a month when one the last few honest and trusted news sources …Australian Associated Press (AAP) … is to close in a couple of months. Cynicism at itts best … main owners are News Ltd and Channel 9, both porky purveyors of the first order. And they refused to put it up for sale, so their motives of knocking out contradictory honesty in reporting is pretty obvious.

    • The Magpie says:

      This is how it’s going to be in the campaign for the paper. When you’re going to devious, you need to be smart, too, and the Bulletin has given itself away in it’s own words in today’s story, quote.
      “Mayor Jenny Hill, who will today release a five-point community protection policy, has taken aim at the criminal justice system ….’
      NOTE THE WORDS ‘who will today release’.
      So we all know that today’s paper is printed overnight, so it is clear that the paper’s associate editor Mayor Hill, yesterday gave them a press release about her ‘crime policy – ‘summed up’We’ll ask the govt to do something’ – embargoed to say 3am today about her crime policy, an embargo that meant even if they wanted to, they couldn’t ask for reaction from Sam Cox or anyone else. This is not an hypothetical, because if it is, cartoonist Harry Bruce is a mind-reader, somehow divining the topic of the day.

      So any reaction from Cox or anyone else will be old news by the time the paper gets around to giving fair space to opponents … but then, this busted arse paper is very accomplished in old news.

  32. Why is it so? says:

    Democracy is dead without a choice of candidates for Division 4. Without choice that is a dictatorship. What happens if people don’t want another 4 years of only pops up at election time, Annandale resident, Mark Moomoochino who operated as a Mullet puppet? Talking about ageing pipes, what about the one under Riverway Drive, that will hinder Harpic’s grand BS plan of duplicating upper Riverway Drive. He reckons he needs the help of Upper Ross voters to make it happen. Pigs might fly too.

  33. Crack Head says:

    I noticed that the Belgian Gardens pharmacy has been hit for the third time by some junky grubs. Where is the Mullet and her opportunity to go public, outside the store, and promise more Police for the region?? Or better, why doesn’t one of the Mullets other staff – Celine Schreiner, post some new Policing policies onto Facebook?

  34. Celine Schreiner (aka Fishframe) says:

    I’m real and I live in the Austrian Alps. I own a chalet,
    four sheep, set of skis and a Volvo station wagon. If I lived in Townsville I would vote for Jenny Hill because she is good. I can also yodel.

    • I T Willie says:

      Hi Celine, I’m an IT nut too and I like IT girl types who impersonate others and tell lies. Wanna hook up?

  35. Dave of Kelso says:

    Again, this afternoon, with an arrogance that knows no bounds, aboriginal children were thieving from the Rasmussen Woolworths, causing grief to staff and customers.

    Aaron Harper, this is your Youth Justice (so called) Act in action.

    Aaron Harper, does this behaviour, by a select group in society, not concern you?

    Aaron Harper, there is a State election in October 2020.

    • Fishframe says:

      Aaron needs to consult with Jackie Trad before she can reply to your questions.

    • Balls Lane says:

      And just think , they are spending a fortune to build a new woolies there so more people can steal from there ! What a time to be alive !

      • Dave of Kelso says:

        The staff have a real concern about the development. There will be a large air conditioned space, a toilet, and free YiFi. The concern is the snots will make this their home away from home. This has occured in Katherine NT and it is most unattractive.

  36. I’ll be plucked says:

    Is Private Cupcake (the hapless and hopeless politician, ‘member’ for Townsville) ill? 7 local news sought comment from him on Mullets ‘great youth plan’ – he had a head redder than old Barnaby Joyce – sunburn, high blood pressure? Did not look well at all!

  37. Strand Ghost says:

    I seen the same thing happen at Woolworths Hermit Park last week and i said to the girl on checkout did u see that and she replied yes, but we have been told not to stop them! WTF ate we turning into under this labor govt.

    • Achilles says:

      So as a white Anglo-Saxon, 6th Generation Australian pensioner can I claim the same privilege, and just ignore the checkout?
      If I did and was collared by Security or the hard worked coppers, I could use the dishonest catch cry, discrimination. and reap mega bucks in compensation for this slur.

    • Fishframe says:

      I agree. I don’t believe LNP any better and I’ve always been an LNP (mostly NP sided) voter. I know this may cause spirited debate, but I had a read over the NQSA website. I always thought a separate State was craziness, but I’m now starting to warm to the idea. I’m not talking about Council elections, but the bigger picture of State.

      • Grumpy says:

        Never gunna happen.

        • Fishframe says:

          Grumpy. Never gunna happen? Two things 1. I have a Bulletin newspaper clipping from 3 or so years ago when Peter Lindsay wrote in to the Editor. He thinks it can (but obviously doesn’t want it to) and 2. Not that I’ve been involved in his political party, but I’ve known Peter Raffles since he was one of the first to graduate JCU with a Law degree 1992 (I didn’t do Law). He is a very experienced Constitutional Lawyer / Barrister and he thinks it can be done. They are both smarter in this topic than I am. I, by the way, did research and study this in-depth approx. 6 years ago and I think it can be done but never had an interest until (maybe) now.

          • The Magpie says:

            Short answer … it can only happen if those with a vested interest in the status quo change their minds, which they won’t but might try to appear ton have. The ‘Pie speaks as a veteran of the New England New State Movement in the 60s, which finally went to a referendum of the WHOLE state once the poobahs had the numbers.

            Waste of time until WE become a burden on those living the other side of the hipster proof fence.

          • Grumpy says:

            FF – it’s not just a matter of drawing a line on a map, you know. Peter Lindsay? A TV repairman? Some populist puff piece written years ago is hardly reference material. And I’m sure Peter R would never , evervdescribe himself as a Constitutional Law expert. I fear that, once again fish bones, you stray into an area in which you know fuck-all.

    • Balls Lane says:

      North Queensland is out voted by the South, so whatever you might think or how you vote – you’ll be getting labor. Just make your peace with it and move on. Alternatively you could push for separation

      • Achilles says:

        Pulling up the drawbridge is not the solution, we need less government and a whole lot more representative non partisan management.

        Mahatma Gandhi had it right when he said, If you want change then you must be the change that you demand of others. (well something close to that).

        We must regenerate the media into the role that it used to fulfill so adequately in holding these slovenly representatives when they failed in their duty and focused more on their own personal loony trendy populist idealism.

        Remember when the ABC actually kept the bastards honest, now its populated with few exceptions by wet behind the ears toy boys and girls, pedaling their own agendas rather than honoring the duty of care as guardians of the Fourth Estate of integrity and fearless pursuit of the truth, no matter how painful or enlightening that may be.

      • Alahazbin says:

        Knacker Avenue, That’s a typical labor defeatist attitude.

  38. Astonished says:

    Hey Balls, love your work, but please come out of the closet and tell us: do you work for the ALP or do they have photos of you that might cause embarrassment?
    I move in Brisbane circles regularly and not everyone down there is bubbling with enthusiasm about Tragic Jacki’s tunnel vision, or her real estate ventures. There are, you see, still many honest, law abiding citizens out there who will vote for what is right, as opposed to what benefits them.
    Ever heard of the old saying ” you can fool all of the people some of the time but…..”
    Same goes for Jenny Hill and her Labor council.
    The chickens are coming home to roost.

  39. Mike Douglas says:

    18 days to go before the Council election and what an uninspiring performance by our tired old Mayor who is so disengaged from the community and business the best to date she offers is re-hashed LNP state crime ideas and a pittance of what Rockhampton have offered new home buyers and both have been lambasted by the people of Townsville . Here’s a tip Madam Mayor , have you done a risk assessment on the effect of Coronavirus impact on the city in regards to part time staff being put off , people told to take holiday leave and cost to Council of inability of residents and business to pay rates and fees updating T.C.C.s position because you can’t even keep up with mowing . Council caretaker mode I don’t think means you use the time to promote team Hills re-election as the City has to move on who ever is Mayor .

  40. Dam it says:

    The ABC weatherman said we MAY get another couple of hundred mm. If we do, and its such that water must be released from the dam again, and only this time they do it earlier, there are high court duty of care cases that say actions taken later to avoid the problem can be used to say it could have been done in the first place. And this is proof of negligence.

    Kuhl v Zurich Financial Services Australia Ltd [2011] HCA 11 (4 May 2011) http://www8.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/cases/cth/HCA/2011/11.html Para [86] , [94] and [96] and Nelson v John Lysaght (Australia) Ltd [1975] HCA 9; (1975) 132 CLR 201 at 214 per Gibbs J; [1975] HCA 9. http://www.austlii.edu.au/au/cases/cth/HCA/1975/9.html

  41. Frequent flyer says:

    Jenny Hill’s trainwreck election campaign suggests that either Dolan Hayes is no longer advising her or, like her, he is past his use-by date.
    Surely she knows she is tilting at windmills by poking her nose into the coronavirus response and the kiddie crime crisis.
    Brings back memories of her Qantas boycott.

    • The Magpie says:

      If you are correct, and our cut-price Machiavelli is no longer advising Mayor Mullet, you’ve got it back to front … he may have realised that it is SHE who is past her use-by date. However, Dolan is a Labor man through and through, and probably reckons with her margin, she’ll win no matter what and maybe he doesn’t have to be tainted by association.

      • He's back says:

        Nah Pie you’re spot on Dolan is back, but only in the last few days. He has fund raising emails flying everywhere.

        • The Magpie says:

          Wonder if the five unions approached for hefty donations (did hear $50,000 each, but don’t believe that, there’s no way they’d get a quarter of mill value from a regional mayor).

        • The Magpie says:

          BTW, got one of those emails for The ‘Pie top back up what you say? Must say it’s a bit late in the day for that sort of thing, donations are generally locked in months out from an election.

    • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

      Wasn’t it Robin Williams who said, “You can fool most of the people most of the time and jerk the rest off”? I presume he was using American slang and not ours in that choice of words.

      Apropos of the comment from Balls Lane above – if he comes out would the pen name be “Balls Out”?

  42. The Magpie says:


    Don’t mow it all…just enough for us to see your sign. Unbelievable.

    • Old Tradesman says:

      I wonder if they used council resources to do this disgraceful bit of mowing, and if done privately by some Labor lover I hope they had public liability insurance.

    • Fishframe says:

      Love it !

    • The Magpie says:

      Like the song says’Just 24 hours, 24 little hours …’

      That’s how long it took. This happened yesterday.

      < img src="https://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/Screen-Shot-2020-03-13-at-2.40.51-pm.png" />

      Of course, that’s OK now, Madam Mullet, isn’t, despite the fact that the ground behind isn’t mown (not you responsibility) and also in front of a graffitied wall … all on one of the main if not the main entrance to the city of Townsville. Not as good look all round.

  43. The Magpie says:

    Hmmm, nearly kicked to death by a mule?
    From The New Daily.

  44. The Magpie says:

    Cold comfort, but the mysterious and moronic link between corona virus and toilet paper isn’t just here in Oz, as Benn Jennings points out in the London Guardian.

    But we are great innovators here in this country, so she’ll be right, mate.

    • Sure Thing says:

      Chortle, chortle, but there vis a serious and irresponsible side to all this. The stupidity starts with people who have legal obligations to not promote panic. The ABC, for example, has invented a new compound word – ‘deadlycoronavirus’ – which it uses in every news broadcast, when the evidence suggests that the mortality rate is not much greater than influenza, and the Victorian Minister for Health suggests that people who only have the symptoms of a mild cold should all be clogging our health system getting tested when the official advice has been to do that only if you have symptoms of influenza. Small wonder people are panicking.

      • The Magpie says:

        Studies have long shown that just the mention of the word ‘panic’ in any public context, particularly the ‘no need to …’ or ‘don’t … ‘ variety, automatically introduces the element that panic is a possibility. The dumbest of all messaging. But then again, maybe it could have a positive effect … like, ‘don’t panic, she might NOT get re-elected mayor’. Maybe that will get a few off their arses in a few days time.

        • Guy says:

          Keep Calm and Carry On

          During WW2 thousands of these posters were printed but were only put up on a handful of gov buildings before someone asked why they should keep calm – so I’ve read.

      • Guy says:

        Now is the time to start vaccinating Australia.

        The extra burden of a PRESUMED crisis can be lessened by taking the burden off the health system now and before winter.

        Vaccinating for everything now will ensure the health system isn’t dealing with whooping cough, pneumococcal, measles, hep A/B during winter.

        Australia is still in summer – winter is coming, temperatures fall and colds and flus ravage the population – especially in the capital cities. I gave up going to crowded situations in Townsville during winter. I keep sick people at least 6ft away from me and use hand sanitizer continuously. It works.

        The most effective way to control the coming problem in three months time is to start vaccinating for everything now.

        If scomo is handing out money to centrelink recipients et al it needs to be on the proviso that a whole heap of vaccinations MUST have been administered NOW.

  45. The Magpie says:

    Ummm … The Magpie was not aware that the always popular and always crowded Strand was in need of ‘re-invigoration’.

    • Achilles says:

      Have the bloody architects around here ever heard of curves? Every thing is just flat slabs (house of cards) of old railway tracks at oblique angles for no logical or aesthetic reasons.
      This monstrosity looks like a kiddies Wendy house with huge flower pots on the verandahs.

      • Cantankerous but happy says:

        Yep, another chode building for the Strand, highlights the failure of having a height restriction along one long road, we could rename it Chode Beach, now that would give TEL something to market.

        • The Magpie says:

          ‘Chode’, eh, Cranks? Well you’ve made The ‘Pie look it up, and he’s none the wiser about your architectural imaginings, or anything else that may be on your mind.
          Urban Dictionary
          The Chode
          A “Dick” that is indeed shorter than it is fat. It is short and plump, stubby and strong.

          Also see:
          Under and Oversized Chode for furter detail.

          This raises two possibilities: 1. ‘chode’ is a typo – and it certainly could apply to Typo (as in Gleeson) or 2. since it reasonable to assume that your of an age and disposition to not be conversant with modern low life coinages, you came across the word when your grandkids were making fun of you in the swimming pool.

          And since you sent The ‘Pie on a chode quest into the more unsavoury areas of our modern language, he feels compelled to share with you something else he came across. ‘Furter’ is baby born as the result of sex with a corpse, and is sent to a foster home. This is of course a recreation only available to a female – and no ‘stiff’ jokes please – in fact, end of this thread.

      • Fishframe says:

        Cost. Boxes with straight edges are cheapest to construct. Up side is it will take a good 10 years before it looks like a slum.

  46. Strandboy says:

    News today of 7 new positions to create a new project team within IT department of council …
    Likewise a restructure of Water and Waste!!
    So much for the job losses and new structures?

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Jobs for Celine???

    • 18 Days says:

      Are these new positions, as in additional staff? Or just another shuffling of the chairs on the deck?

      • The Magpie says:

        The official word is that these are new ‘positions’ on a new project team, but existing council staff not already working in IT can apply for a spot on the team.

        The ‘Pie understands that no current IT staff are required to apply for these positions, and it appears their positions are secure.

        • Plannit Townsville says:

          When it says no current staff are required to apply for positions, that’s usually code for – We are relocating your position from this area to this other area. You don’t have to apply as you will be automatically moved/duck shoved/shafted.

          Shuffling chairs as 18 Days suggests.

  47. George Gently says:

    G’day Pie, can anyone out there explain how I can upload pics to your blog? I have tried googling and got nowhere I’m afraid. GG

    • The Magpie says:

      Pics that you want in your comments have to be sent to The ‘Pie at email hidden; JavaScript is required
      Naturally, publishing them remains at the discretion of the Taste and Relevance Fairy.

  48. Dave of Kelso says:

    In the credit where credit is due dept; the one (only one) good thing The Puddleduck has done is introduce real time reporting of fuel prices. Likewise for J. Gillard, the Institutional Child Abuse Royal Commission.

    Can anyone think of one good thing The Mullet has done?

    • The Magpie says:

      Well, she was out of the country in America, India and Malta for a few collective weeks … small mercies, mate, small mercies.

  49. Dotty Dorter says:

    I blame yesterday’s nose dive by the ASX on the 60 Minutes Australia Coronavirus story that aired the night before – one of the highest rating episodes this year and a masterclass in Fear Mongering. We’re all gonna dieeee!

    Leave it to instagram to deliver some perspective… my favourite is the screen that tells more people die per day of rabies than of coronavirus, but you don’t see people frothing at the mouth in pet aisles over cans of Pal and kitty litter. Yet, anyway – 60 Minutes might have a light bulb moment reading this.

    • Achilles says:

      With the bloody Corona virus I reckon the acadimwhits may have missed the obvious. It’s a strain of flu as they know, and the flu virus thrives in cold to very cold climates, such as the Northern Hemisphere is experiencing right now.

      I am currently in Manila (38 degrees and high humidity), which has only 16 cases so far, and all from domestic workers returning from Hong Kong and China.

      Maybe Oz should be more concerned from the end of April as Frosty descends from the North.

      • Guy says:

        Which is why I’m saying we need to be vaccinating to control the low hanging fruit kind of infectious diseases now, so IF corona virus takes hold the health system can withstand it.

        We start vaccinating to stop the the uptick of diseases we might commonly experience in winter.

        Maybe flu vaccination needs to happen in earnest so we don’t get slammed by flu cases on top of CV.

        one policy to adopt now is disinfection of door handles/ desks in all government institutions including the army. there is no more devilishly effective way to spread disease than handles and desks. The TAFE I used to go to used to get slammed in winter because the desks and door handles were never disinfected , I was told by the boss that there was no need to disinfect them because “germs can’t survive on hard surfaces” – thus instantaneously throwing out years of germ theory and infection control , he’s probably in charge of a hospital now.

    • Westie says:

      Hi Dotty, that data is very instructive. The only thing you need to join the dots to understand the alarm is the rate of infection. COVID-19 appears to be at least five times as infectious as Flu. Every person that gets flu infects just over one other person. A person that gets COVID- 19 (even a mild infection) infects over five people.

      Add that information to the data in the second two bars of your first graph, and the reason for the alarm of authorities leaps out. Almost 20 percent of those infected need hospitalisation, and 5% need a respirator for 4 to 6 weeks to survive.

      If a significant percentage of the population become infected, there aren’t that many hospital beds or respirators in the world to keep the twenty percent alive.

      Twenty percent could be hundreds of millions of people worldwide.

      That is the problem. And it seems potentially a pretty serious one to me.

      • Kofi Annan says:

        Perhaps Coronavirus is linked to Agenda 21? Just sayin……

      • Fishframe says:

        The old adage – “Hope for the best, Prepare for the worst”. One thing I have observed is that our current society is very fragile and it doesn’t take much to get a run of panic. And toilet paper, even the rough home brand stuff …….

    • NQ Gal says:

      Dotty – the stock market fall was as a result of Wall Street having a shocker. When they close heavily down, as sure as day follows night, the Aussie market will also dive.

  50. Critical says:

    Driving through Sandy Crossing on Queens Rd yesterday afternoon at around 4.45pm and saw Liam Mooney and his mother Cecilia dismantling the sign on the parked ute and she seemed to be doing more of the heavy work, while he stood there and supervised. Wonder who mowed the grass in the earlier pic, Liam or his mother.

  51. Frequent flyer says:

    Westie, you should be on tv explaining to the masses the reasons to be very concerned but not panicked by the coronavirus.
    You nailed it.

  52. Mangrove Jack says:

    I see this in my Facebook feed early this morning from TCC

    Recycled waste collection may be delayed by up to 24 hours this week while some collection trucks undergo minor repairs.

    All bins should be left kerbside until collected.

    Collection in other suburbs this week will continue as normal.

    • The Magpie says:

      And guess what, Manjack? This very morning (Wed), council commences a consultation process regarding a proposed restructure of the Townsville Water and Waste team. The ‘Pie hears that the Services Union will be all over this at the meeting. But the big question is will the restructure expand for a growing city, or contract for fiscal reasons?

    • Fishframe says:

      Yesterday, stopped at traffic lights on RRR near BP, a TCC garbage truck to the right side and just behind me, suddenly had its robotic arm that lifts bins start to go up and down, if it was next to me it would taken the side of my car out. Gave me quite a fright and looking in my mirrors I could see the driver had no idea either.

  53. Alahazbin says:

    Don’t ever read Pricey’s piece in the Astonisher, but today I thought I’d have a read as he mentioned sunbirds. But he cracked me up with his mention of all the doings of the little snots of this town when he called it “Car Owner” virus. Very clever!

    • The Magpie says:

      Pricey has his moments in print – a few years back, he wrote the most touching eulogy on the passing of his dad … wasn’t mawkish, just great writing and a wonderful reminiscence and tribute. Contrasts a bit with his radio role as the Mary Poppins of Townsville, daily administering a spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down. But Steve mate, do let reality in for the time being and stop referring to Townsville as our own little bit of paradise. Look around, mate, even Dulux don’t make a rosy hue as bright as you suggest.

  54. Dave of Kelso says:

    This is a bit late but; this morning wife saw on Townsville crime facebook site that yesterday at Kelso shops aboriginal child/youth in the convenience stors raised their shirt to show he had what could be a handgun. Police called.

    ABC RN news this morning reported three juveniles (two males, one female) arrested in the area, one in possession of a gel-blaster.

    You are going to like this bit.

    News report finished with, “The offenders will be dealt with under the Youth Justice Act.”

    • The Magpie says:

      The sale of gel blasters is one that should be highly regulated because they not only look like real weapons, but there appears to be nothing stopping the low minded in the community modifying them with something less harmful than a gob full of paint. Of course, businesses will grizzle until the day comes when they have to confront some terrible happening, where a bleating ‘we have no control over what people do once they’ve bought a blaster’ excuse will not wash any longer.

      • Grumpy says:

        I am amazed that some moronic magistrate deemed these convincing replicas ”toys”. What type of dickhead would want one in the first place? Other than to compensate for the micropenis or for nefarious activities.

    • Alahazbin says:

      DoK, The other thing I did not realise that a recidivist offender with a rap sheet a mile long, when ‘it’ turns 18, walks into an adult court with a clean criminal record. What a bloody joke!

      • Dave of Kelso says:

        You are correct. I hope, no, expect these things to change when, and I desperately hope, the Puddleduck loses the October election.

        LNP, One Nation, Katter, Blind Freddy, are you listening?

  55. Newstart says:

    Apparently I (and others on the dole) will be getting a pay rise tomorrow. You little beauty. Piss and pokies here I come. How good is that?

    • The Magpie says:

      Haha can’t fool The ‘Pie, Newie, you’ll really be down at the Mary Who Bookstore, seeking a copy of Adam Smith’s The Wealth of Nations (and Its Distribution), won’t you?

      • Newstart says:

        No I won’t Mr Magpie; I don’t read anything bigger than a comic book, but I can drink piss and know how to press pokie buttons.

        You farking beauty; apparently pensioners are getting some extra coin too.

      • Achilles says:

        That’s just great, increase the incentive not to seek employment, even though you are capable of seeking employment and fulfilling any employers expectations.

        Try the other side of the coin Newey, I have to survive on a pittance as an OAP, I’m unemployable in the eyes of most businesses. Main reason is NOT my age, but employers all seem to use agencies, which are populated with no nothing academic morons.

        They’ve got a degree, well whoopy doo that piece of paper says that you should be able to do the job. My bit of paper is my CV wherein I can demonstrate that I can actually do the job consistently over a 50 year period.

        The latter part of my career mainly overseas on major projects has been rectifying stuff ups and edifying educated idiots. who could write a thesis about a screwdriver but still wouldn’t know which bloody end to hold.

        • Cantankerous but happy says:

          From a strictly economic perspective the policy has some merit, but as you say it’s just another reward in this country for unproductive geezers and dole bludgers and another get fucked to the working people of this country keeping the place going. Add this to recent handouts to people who made the choice not to insure the own goods and property and this recurring theme of rewarding failures and people who make bad choices just keeps going in this country.

    • Critical says:

      The economic stimulus will be lifting the Carona bottle.

  56. Strand Ghost says:

    Hi Magpie
    I see on one of the site’s yesterday another Labor Troll was outed , don’t they learn these gutless people especially after Lara Hill was found out.
    The new troll who has been trolling a lot of the independent council candidate’s under the name of Colin Smith, who is actually Labor stalwart Colin Hegarty who hasn’t got the guts to put his own name on his trolling comments

    • The Magpie says:

      Col is Labor’s odd job lackey come campaign time, his speciality is driving trucks around with signage on them – and probably doing a bad job of mowing long grass in front of Team Hill signage. Have long suspected he is one of the two or three occasional derisory commenters here, but yes, he likes to keep a low profile. He is a prime example of the closed-mind, 1950s style Labor (or as it was then Labour) that has bedevilled this town for decades.

  57. Astonished says:

    Townsville Bulletin claims its front page story on the Hornet fight coming to Townsville is “EXCLUSIVE”.
    I must have been dreaming when I saw the same story the night before on Channel 7.
    Perhaps they are claiming they’re the first daily newspaper in Townsville to break the story.

    • Fishframe says:

      I quite enjoy boxing. The only problem with paying big money for tickets, notwithstanding lead up bouts, is that the main event could be over in the first 30 seconds and then we all go home. P.s. I think Horn will get a beating.

      • The Magpie says:

        This is one event that will southern punters in, reckon it will be a sell-out although not sure how many locals will be able to fork out the asking rate. But for once, they’re right, it will be a great economic boost for the city and the boozeariums of Via Vomitorium. Just wonder what visitors will think of the For Lease forest around the CBD.

        • Fishframe says:

          Tom Hanks and his wife in Gold Coast filming for a Baz Lurhman movie – both diagnosed with Covid-19. Its getting ridiculous.

        • NQ Gal says:

          Having it on a Wednesday night is not going to help with ticket sales – especially to out of towners who might have done the drive in for a weekend match.

        • Hee-Haw says:

          I think this is a good thing. The only question I would ask is when TCC decided to become a sponsor of this event? was it in the caretaking period? I have seen nothing prior to this in any council meetings.

  58. Gerry Harvey says:

    The $750 will be great for all the unemployed, they will Invest it in big screen TV’s and X-Box purchases. Harvey Norman shares will go throug the roof!!!

  59. Sam Cox says:

    ART policy a thought bubble

    • Dave of Kelso says:

      (and I hope it really is you, hard to tell these days)
      What is your position on the TPAC proposal. All details on the web site.

  60. Dave of Kelso says:

    So, this virus could take out the human race, and given that there is not a skerrick of toilet paper available, we are to go extinct with shitty areses. Charming.

  61. Rip van Winkle says:

    Wake up you old c..t – no posts since 12ish today? Get outta bed!!

    • The Magpie says:

      One imagines you meant ‘old coot’. So sorry, apologise that your not getting your money’s worth – one does assume you have made a generous donation to help support the blog and comments you miss so much? It takes The ‘Pie about 50 hours a week all up, but my speech pathologist at the hospital insisted on a visit to Douglas today. And the dentist insists on a morning appointment tomorrow.

      Sincerest apologies, you fucking wanker.

  62. Parent paying tax says:

    While i am happy i might be getting something from the government i do not agree with the cash handout to certain people and i would say that includes myself and my partner. Both of us pay alot of tax that already goes to those who do bugger all to help themselves. This money should go to pensioners and health services as it seems like it is. I dont want to debate weather i should get it and if i had the opportunity id give it back for the good of the long term benifit of the country’s financial position. Why? Because I grew up not expecting a handout, not expecting someone to pay for my health, not expecting someone to pay for something i broke. We have 3 kids, we chose to have them. I would rather have less tax to pay then get cash handout. Pay less for petrol or less stamp duty. These things affect more Australians then this will everyday and i believe people would spend money more if they had to pay less in numerous taxes. Yes pay tax but the amount of them is ridiculous. People and governments have lost respect for money. Only need to look at pur council and state government to see that. Lets hope that scomo hasnt sent us into the depths of hell.

    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      What is nice to think about is that the parents of the putrid little snots stealing someone’s car tonight will get a $750 cash bonus in a couple of weeks, got to love Australia hey!

    • Guy says:

      The “liberals” it seems are no better than “labor , you don’t just dole out money to people and expect nothing in return.

      Trying to explain responsibility with money is a waste of your time and money.

      The gov is blowing untold billions on French submarines that will end up like the Collins class. Remember the seasprite helicopter programme? Of course you don’t ! They blew 1 billion on that doomed programme, the helicopter never flew.

      I first started to realise that from a historical perspective its almost been the managers and their inability to handle money and their lack of competence that have driven kingdoms, empires and republics into the dirt. Scomos bush fire competence is followed closely by his fiscal stimulus.

  63. The Hairy Beanbag says:

    If our elected members weren’t such a bunch of lazy, infantile, incompetent oxygen thieves they would be out there selling ‘Scotty from marketings’ stimulus package and encouraging recipients of cash and tax breaks to buy local, spend local, invest local and so forth.

  64. Sam Cox says:

    Sorry, the rest of post vanished?

    ART policy a thought bubble

  65. Sam Cox says:

    Dave absolutely back TPAC.
    Townsville is not and should not be all NRL and sports.
    The Arts and Cultural events have and should continue to be promoted and encouraged to grow for us locals and visitors enjoyment.
    My comments re Hills Policy is up on this blog now. For some reason all of what I posted did not go up. ( not pointing at you Pie!)
    The mayor and TEL have always said the TECC ( Townsville Entertainment and Convention Center) should have been part of an integrated approach with Stadium!
    The Mayor has sold out and using her ART’s announcement to distract that she no longer backs it. TEL, well where are they when you need them⁉️

    • Dave of Kelso says:

      When you are elected and the true finances of the City of Townsville are known we can continue this conversation on my veranda. You may remember it, but it was a long time ago. Good hunting.

  66. OWL says:

    Question for the legal minds. If one of our little nightcrawlers invaded a residence waving a gel blaster that looked like a “real gun”, would the resident be in their rights to protect their property with a gun that was a “real gun”.???

    • The Magpie says:

      That’s the sort of question that gets many a lawyer planning a new spinnaker for the yacht. The scenario is very different if the grub is dead, rather than alive.The question of reasonable force is just one factor that would be considered under our Nanny State laws. Then then there are the niceties of ‘was the intruder trying to flee at the time he was shot’? The ‘Pie well remembers a copper’s advice long ago to a Sydney neighbour who took a pot shot at a burglar (he missed.) ‘General rule, mate, you can shoot the bugger if he’s trying to get in, but you can’t shoot him if he’s trying to get out.’ By the time we get down to self defence, the legal boys are thinking ‘Fuck the spinnaker, I’ll get a whole new yacht outta this.’

    • Fishframe says:

      I am very involved with gun laws. Let me put it this way – many years ago a mate ran a fishing charter operation out of the Hinchinbrook. He had a Cat H handgun licence for personal protection against crocodiles (was an acceptable reason back then). A 3m crocodile decided to be pesky and climbed up the back of his boat when he had charter guests onboard. He shot it. His gun was taken off him. He had many interviews from the authorities and had to complete lots of paperwork. He told me he will never kill another croc in his life as it is more trouble than it is worth. Now compare that with shooting a human ……. better off learning the noble martial art of macrame and handling the situation with a roll of string.

    • Dave of Kelso says:

      Read the Qld Govt web site re fire arms and amunition storage. If you are complying with the law (as I hope you are or you will fuck things up for the rest of) you are unlikely to bring a loaded firearm to bear in good time. And remember, the snot will be back on the street within minutes. Your life will be fucked up for years. Recommend a mattock handle suitably enhaincnced.

      • Mundingbird says:

        When we were in PNG,I had a mattock handle and a speargun under the bed,on my side.Never needed to use either thankfully.

  67. Sam Cox says:

    Coronavirus Statement

    Coronavirus – Be Informed and Be Prepared

    As health officials scramble to put in place effective measures to contain the spread of Coronavirus and the Federal Government deciding inject billions of dollars into the Australian economy, what can your Council do to help in this situation to maintain vital services in case of forced business shutdowns, including Council, or widespread illness?

    Rather than a response from Townsville alone, I am calling for the Local Government Association of Queensland (LGAQ) to begin working closely with Federal and State governments on a coordinate Coronavirus response.

    All councils in Qld are currently in caretaker mode pending the result of the local government election to be held on 28th March 2020. If the LGAQ starts the groundwork now, the newly elected councils can then hit the ground running with an effective, coordinated response to their residents and visitors. This could include such things as guidelines for frontline service delivery and even resource sharing in a region in case vital services cannot be properly staffed.

    With the urgency of the actions taken by health authorities and governments and impending major disruptions to travel and events, I believe the Coronavirus impact should be dealt with no differently to a natural disaster and your Council and residents need to be informed and prepared.

    • Mike Douglas says:

      Sam , great to hear you are proactive about Coronavirus because how is it T.C.C. can afford $6 mil on future cities with 19 staff , Jamie Durie $850,000 but isn’t thinking about supporting Townsville residents and business on possible deferred rates and Council fees . Yes , there is some Federal Support as well as State but what about support for local residents and businesses . T.C.C. seems to have moved on from over 800 families who still arnt back in their homes but what can you expect from a Mayor chasing rainbows instead of even mowing around the city and keeping the city clean . .

  68. Sam Cox says:

    Ok ok this is my response to the Mayor’s ART policy
    The Mayor is just picking her policies out of a hat now. Her Arts announcement is not just lazy and inadequate, it is not even a commitment, it is literally just a thought bubble. It is insulting to the Townsville performing arts community and is a desperate attempt to get their vote back.

    However the REAL story here is why does she not say what is happening or planned for Riverway? Just how much has she been concealing about the state of the TCC finances and infrastructure? What else doesn’t the Townsville public know about?

    With so many unanswered questions about council’s confidential deals and reports I am starting to get a bit concerned about what I will have to deal with if I am elected. I am very firm on my election commitments but very interested to see what may be revealed after the election.

    I personally welcome Belcarra because regardless of who is elected Mayor, it means Townsville will now be assured of a clear and transparent Council.

  69. Alahazbin says:

    When the little snots turn 18 and start with a clean criminal record. Can they apply for a blue card?

  70. Insider says:

    It is surprising that the Queensland Govt has not cancelled the NRL game tonight, given large public events are being cancelled nationally in response to the Coronavirus pandemic. Is profit taking precedence over public health?

    • Dave of Kelso says:

      At this time mass gatherings in Australia are permitted despite the advice from doctor groups. COAG meeting today to consider this matter. I am affected by this. All packed and waiting.

      • The Magpie says:

        Put the sangers back in the fridge for the moment, Dave … a few moments ago, this weekend’s Australian Grand Prix was cancelled.

        • Dave of Kelso says:

          Voluntary, or by Govt direction?

        • The Magpie says:

          Meanwhile, in Queensland. An angry reader (a barrister Magpie mate) fired this email off to ABC Breakfast this morning.

          “The interview this morning with the Queensland Premier was awful. Her justification for not cancelling the NRL game in Townsville tonight was that no one in Townsville had the virus. Duh! To his credit, the interviewer then stated the obvious…“but what if someone from South East Queensland goes to the game who has the virus?” Her response was Trumpian in it’s inanity:‘any one who is sick should not go to the game.’
          Her answers were clearly stupid and that stupidity should have been identified and she should have been pursued about it. She was not. That was an entirely unprofessional interview. You must be able to do better or don’t do it at all

          • The Magpie says:

            That ignorance may well come and bite Premier Alphabet on her reportedly unfashionable arse …. if the virus turns up here soon after game and is traced to a spectator, she will go into the October election as the Premier who wilfully introduced Coved19 to Townsville. The gamble was obviously what would lose more votes: cancel or proceed? Knowing how Townsvilleans so easily fall for political beads and blankets, easy to see why she made her choice.

          • Critical says:

            It won’t get cancelled because Anna’s attending to support Mullet and the three useless stooges. Don’t forget the international and national publicity they will all get as it’s the first game played in the new stadium and they all need as much positive publicity as possible to pop-up their stuffed up political images.

          • The Magpie says:

            Well, they all might have to suck it up with the rest of us, because it’s the NRL’s call. Which they are expected to make shortly.

    • Achilles says:

      Jenny was on the blower to her soul (should be cell) mate pleading, based on her photo op yesterday where she “delivered” the fleet of “new” buses (pleb mobiles).

      • The Magpie says:

        The ‘Pie wondered at the time what the dickens that had to do with our mayor … another question gone begging by the Astonisher.

  71. Not Whoppie Goldberg says:

    The new 2020 yellowpages has gotten really really thin. Google has usurped much of its business but Sensis seams to be diversifying and broadening its appeal.

    Its putting the weegee board makers out of business . If you believe in such things of course, and you are facing judgement day and dont know if you are going to be sent down or not , and you need an injunctive relief from st Peter locking the gates, or habeas corpus for your corpse so it dont get roasted by the fictitious Mephisto , 2 recent departed barristers are advertising for clients.

    These barristers have long since finished chasing ambulances and have taken to waiting till they, and you, stop.

    • The Magpie says:

      Gotta love you ‘bourbon for breakfast’ crowd – nothing like a poor man’s Jabberwocky to start the day.

      And BTW, doubt an OUIJA board would be of much use to you, Whoopie Cushion (makes farting sounds) since an OUIJA board depends on SPELLING out messages. seems you’ve been using the glass used to move around the board for a totally different purpose.

    • Strop says:

      WTF?? What is Goldberg on this morning? Pinch a stash from one of the Townsville grubs this morning and smoked the whole lot himself (or herself)??

      • The Magpie says:

        Sounds a bit more like chrome plating.

        • Not Whoopie Goldberg says:

          Pick my spelling will you? Wooooo oo ……..Wtf was that?

          Oops- a fanny fart just shifted the curtains.

          You better off picking Newey . Do a check of the spelling and grammar of HIS posts in the last month. That cadaver is channeling a dyslexic

          • The Magpie says:

            Mr Newey is off limits, because of the firm Magpie policy of not mocking the afflicted. Although he may get a little mention in this week’s blog.

          • Fishframe says:

            I like both The Magpie and Newey. They have the courage to publish the truth and not hide it from us like mainstream media is doing.

          • The Magpie says:

            Mr Newey indulges in conspiracy theories of the most damaging and baseless sort … damaging to Townsville. His phobia about China and Asia generally points to a need for professional help, and therefore The ‘Pie is somewhat miffed to be lumped in the same boat as Tinfoil Hat Pete and his version of truth. Not that The ‘Pie is as pure as the driven snow, he has been known to – well not actually lie, but be economical with the truth for a greater good on occasions. Enough of the humblebrag and virtue-signalling, you get enough of that in the blog.

  72. One legged tap dancer says:

    The stadium transport clusterfuckup just gets worse.
    Game day today, so all the workers who park in South Townsville have to vacate their normal car parking spaces by – wait for it – 2pm, or cop a fine.
    Does Jenny Hill or any of her arm raising team ever consider anyone else but the Cowboys?
    There will be 25,000 at the game tonight, but when you consider that many of those footy fans will be visiting from Brisbane and other regional centres, the council is pandering to less than 20,000 local people.
    What about the other 160,000 Townsvilleans?
    Jenny Hill, Ann Maree Greaney, are you out there?

    • The Magpie says:

      Oh, you people!! Bloody whingers, the lot of you.

      For Chrissake, parking’s a snip, as explained in this simple, easy to read (but perhaps not understand) clear and concise WHOLE PAGE ad in the Bulletin. And if that’s not clear, then other help is available.

  73. Lucifer says:

    I consulted my Ouja Board last night. It said the Mayor would be wearing a Pink Doona and sporting a 1980’s Billy Ray Cyrus haircut today! It came true! Incredible…..

  74. Astonished says:

    A mate who works with the State Govt reckons the Cowboys v Broncos game will be played tonight without the crowd.
    Big call!

    • The Magpie says:

      Think there is little doubt the game will be played, but yes, the crowd is the question. And the fact that it will be still shown on TV could be a deciding factor. We now await the Parking Officers Union to lodge a protest over the juicy lost overtime.

  75. I’ll be plucked says:

    The commonwealth Chief Medical Officer has just said any gatherings greater than 500 people should be cancelled, Pie! Breaking news.

    • The Magpie says:

      Key word is ‘should’ … and Palaszczuk and Mullet are again putting trinkets ahead of real leadership and gambling with peoples’ health (think saying their ‘lives’is a bit of an overkill (no pun intended), although certainly in some cases a possibility.)

  76. Critical says:

    Future footy and other games/events with a spectator crowd of over 500 banned from Monday but I wonder if more severe restrictions will be implimented as the Covid 19 pandemic progresses.


    And there are a number of restrictions on players and their interactions with fans


    • Great northern virus says:

      Well one had to ask the question now, what happens in 2 weeks time for the local government election? While I do agree with the decision to postpone rather then fully cancel it worries me that the virus may actually become more fatal because it dosnt get into the general population for it to become immune. Im not saying its not dangerous but virus like these have mutated in the past because we try to contain them to much. I just believe its a very big overkill considering an amount of 500 people can go through one pub on a Saturday on any given weekend all over Australia and have the same effect. Esspcially if a number of people with the virus then move through multiple pubs in one night. Influenza A cant be vaccinated against and itsfar more dangerous than this one. The numbers prove that. I just think this will cause mass bankruptcy to many many areas of the business community for no reason. Just my veiws from someone whos had far worse stays in hospital from issues alot worse then this, and people don’t bat an eyelid over.

      • Dave of Kelso says:

        Re voting, pre-poll tomorrow.

        Re rest of comments, talk to an Italian. They were all happy 14 days ago.

        • The Magpie says:

          hahahah … so one should go to the pre-poll to avoid election day crowds … but what if thousands have the same idea?

          • Dave of Kelso says:

            I’m usually out of step with popular thought and fashion. There are very few right thinking people such as myself. I expect to be there mostly by myself.

          • The Magpie says:

            Thank you, Donald J.

          • Dave of Kelso says:

            You wound me.

            I am waiting to hear he has the virus.

          • The Magpie says:

            Wouldn’t that be poetic, especially for a germophobe like the Tangerine Anus.

            But on that point, and stay with me here, coronoa virus could be the saving of America. Trump’s disgraceful, criminal and almost treasonous behaviour on this issue alone may be the tipping point for people who have clung on to unbelievable belief for months now, and the suffering of masses of Americans will be seen as the most damning failure of this failure of a President. This crisis could be Trump’s Waterloo.

            By stark contrast, here is a video worth watching …
            … in 18 short minutes, Joe Biden eloquently lays out what should’ve been done, never stooping to cheap shots and slurs – the worst language he uses in a political world now used to gutter language and school-yard jibes is his suggestion that this crisis requires ‘smarts, balls, compassion and leadership’ …without ever directly making any sustained attack on Trump. He barely mentions him, which reinforces the Presidential demeanour of the Democratic front-runner. Watching this makes one lament even more the current occupancy of the White House, because what happens there – as we are witnessing now – effects everyone around the globe. There is with a doubt one thing that Joe Biden would/will bring to the Presidency … the dignity of the office so sadly lacking in the present incumbent.

      • Cantankerous but happy says:

        I would happily take my chances with Coronavirus to get rid of Jenny Hill.

        • Great northern virus says:

          Im not trying to make fun of this situation but just looking at what governments have tried to do and failed i believe will just make this worse in the long run. Count how many people were in quarantine for 14 days on the cruise ship and still caught the virus. How long will we shut down Australia to no avail. 6mth? 12mths? And still get the same end result.

          • The Magpie says:

            Well, The Virus We Have Up Here, if you’re not trying to make fun, you’ve succeeded. What a gloomy outlook.

  77. J Jones says:

    This is very selfish of the Cowboys, NRL and whoever else is involved in this decision

    • Wait and see says:

      Facts will confirm the outcome of the decision.

      If COVID-19 is detected in Townsville then Premier, Mayor, NRL and Cowboys got it wrong.

      • Achilles says:

        They had no other choice since Jenny went to all that trouble in getting a fleet of “new” buses.

      • Fishframe says:

        That’s very true. And if Covid-19 is to fin dits way into Townsville (as it surely will), it will come from an infected person visiting us from down South. Probably an excellent chance someone in tonight’s crowd could have it. Airplanes would be my big worry as well.

        • The Magpie says:

          While that is partially true, The ‘Pie has been considering his long held view that Townsville citizens are among the most travelled in Australia, especially internationally. For all the city’s woes, there is a large strata of the well heeled around here, and The ‘Pie is forever being regaled with advice about the best bistros in Lisbon, warned about certain liquor in Rumania, the beauty of the fjords, and the ill repair of South American roads. Facebook constantly confirms the impression that our folk get about a bit more than most. And therein lies a different pathway for corona virus to arrive on our doorstep. One trusts not, but we mustn’t just raise the spectre of some southern bogeyman bringing us low.

          • I’ll be plucked says:

            Pie, you forgot to mention Malta, surely Mayor Mullet has talked it up in one of your tet-e-tets with her? :)

  78. Insider says:

    Apparently there is also a major Hillsong conference on, finishing on Sunday.
    Oh, and Peter Dutton has now been confirmed with the virus. If Scotty has been in contact with him, shouldn’t he self-isolate immediately…regardless of footy and happy clappers??

    • cobalos says:

      I am saddened to think of all the good that could have been done for QLD if the same amount of money and attention was given to domestic violence and crime, that is being given to the hobgoblin covid19

  79. I’ll be plucked says:

    Peter Dutton, known by some cruel types as Mr Potato Head, has tested positive for Corona Virus. Just on ABC radio news.

  80. George Gently says:

    So, the Cowboys get smacked at the stadium opener. What excuses will Mullet, Harpic, O’Rort and Private Cupcake roll out for the defeat? Puddleduck and Tragic will be beside themselves with joy that the Broncos got up!

    Now we wait to see if anyone picks up Corona V, to add to the TRADgedy (pardon the pun) of defeat on this historic occasion!!!

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Stadium opener George? I thought the Reggie D concert was the stadium opening? More openings here than the wallet of a lawyer’s client.

  81. Bunsen Burner says:

    Now that Potato Head has been infected, the virus will definitely mutate due to Politician DNA being mixed with it. People
    will now start getting a fever, sore throat, become narcissistic and display sociopathic behaviour. One can only hope that Beetroot Face Barnaby Joyce gets it also!!

  82. Mike Shearer says:

    For some (no names needed) self-immolation rather rather self-isolation? Mmmm..

  83. Critical says:

    I see that a few European countries have restricted crowd and gathering sizes to 100. This might be the next crowd size restriction for Australia.

    • The Magpie says:

      Said it before, but in Townsville, it should limited to nine people gathering together … that way, no TCC quorum to vote for airstrips for billionaire crooks, hundreds of thousands rorted to beefcake gardeners and redirecting public funds to mates rather that essential services.

  84. Hi Beam says:

    What a beautiful day! Breeze is up, sun is out football is over; so we hope is the reign of Covid 19 terror. This vastly overrated virus is the result of a sad (but welcome) lack of bush fires, floods, earthquakes, coral bleaching, and other natural or unnatural occurrences. It will be forgotten or fade to page 6 when the next paper selling headline becomes available.

    • The Magpie says:

      The only problem with that very Australia-centric comment is that the world disagrees. But The ‘Pie is with you on the overrated stakes … this is vastly ramped up in terms of the actual statistical danger to mored than 90% of the population, but may prove to one of the greatest self-fulfilling prophecies of all time, with the emerging domino effect on global economies.

  85. Porous borders says:

    Cruise ships seem to be a problem. How come we are hearing nothing about the cruise ships coming in and out of the Port in Townsville?


  86. I’ll be plucked says:

    It’s arrived in Townsville Pie – the virus is here, one case just confirmed, four others who had contact with the bloke in isolation. Here we go………

    • The Magpie says:

      The scuttlebutt over the years has been is that Mrs Trump hasn’t allowed Donald’s tiny hands anywhere near any part of her for years, and when he leaves the White House, the first order of business will be a mega-million $ divorce.

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Ummm, Kelso it’s actually his daughter who has isolated.

      • Dave of Kelso says:

        Yep, got that detail wrong. Still CV19 is getting close to the greatest threat to the civilised world.

    • TheOtherGuy says:

      Ivanka is the daughter.
      Regardless, anyone who goes near Dutton would feel like self-isolating, or at least washing their hands.

  87. Achilles says:

    The perils of the new word precrastination, opposite of procrastination.

    Precrastinators are people who are eager to rush into tasks and finish their to-do list. They proactively answer emails, turn in work ahead of deadline, and promptly pay their bills. US academic David Rosenbaum, who coined the term precrastination, lays out the pros and cons. The upside is it helps reduce anxiety, stay focused, be more productive and even respond better to unforeseen problems. The downside: Sloppy or superficial work, bogged down with trivial tasks and poor work-life balance.

  88. Dave of Kelso says:

    ABC NTH QLD facebook reporting CV19 in Tsv at a dance school. Nothing on ABC News web sites. Cannot confirm accuracy.

    • The Magpie says:

      It is most likely that the person is Andre Reynaud, the dance school’s commercial and production manager and husband of school principal Jane Pirani. Both are known to travel to France on occasion over the years.

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