Twin sisters in a Newfoundland Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old.
The editor of the local newspaper sent a photographer to take pictures of the 100 year old twins.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.
On arrival the photographer asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!” said the other.
“Now get a little closer together,” said the cameraman.
Again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE.”
So they wiggled up close to each other.
“Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus the camera,” said the photographer.
Yet again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“HE SAYS HE’S GONNA FOCUS!”
With a big grin, the deaf twin shouted, “OH LARD JESUS! — BOTH OF US? — CAN I BE FIRST??”
…………………………………
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a fancy dress
Party. He doesn’t know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden
Leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his problem.
A Few days later he receives a parcel with a note:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a Pirate’s outfit. The spotted
Handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you
Will be just right as a Pirate. The man is offended that the outfit
Emphasizes his disability, so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and note: Dear Sir, sorry
About the previous parcel. Please find enclosed
A monk’s habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your
Bald head you will really look the part.
The man is really Incandescent with rage now, because the company
Has gone from Emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his
bald head.
So he writes a really strong letter of complaint. A few days later he
Gets a very small parcel from the company with the accompanying
Letter: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup. We
suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick
Your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.
…….
SAFE AT HOME AT LAST
I’ve torn out my alarm system & de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch.
I’ve got two Pakistani flags raised in my front garden, one at each corner
and the black flag of ISIS in the centre.
The local police, ASIO, ASIS and the other intelligence services are all watching my house 24/7.
I’ve never felt safer.
………….
For posterity.
Suppose you could say that that juxtaposition was just bad luck … unless you work for the Townsville Bulletin ; then you say it was just ban lukc.
There seems to be something about stories involving helicopters that stalk the Bulletin’s pages … even kon a front page headline …
Yup, there it is … not only front page but in a headline to boot.
So it’s not just the Townsville Bulletin losing the language battle … but you’d think a university could do better. Monash in Melbourne couldn’t.
Obviously need to accelerate their spelling skills.
……………
In Holland, a powerful image of the final resting place of a devoted couple who lived together happily for many decades. Both died with months of each other, but because one was a protestant and the other a catholic, they weren’t allowed to be buried side by side in either of cemeteries set aside for different faiths. They left instructions that overcame the pettiness of religion.
…..
We all share the same planet … and some of the same pleasures …
… although we have to be wary sometimes …
Uh oh, this smells of fox!
..
Pluck and luck will see us through … well, most times …
 Ah, needed that.  ‘I’LL DO YOU WITH MY BARE PAWS … I’M TRAINED, Y’KNOW.’ ……….  On the highway to heaven, this is what a mouse can see …. ..  What the mouse can’t see is why he’s on the highway to heaven.i  DIFFERENCES :  …AND YEMEN. A WHAT WERE THEY THINKING MOMENT ….
AND A SCROLL SPACE NOW, BECAUSE A COUPLE OF RUDE WORDS FOLLOW, THEY’RE THERE ONLY BECAUSE THEY’RE FUNNY. BUT SKIP THEM IF YOU NO LIKA. >
IS THIS WHAT SHE’S REFERRING TO?
..AND OF COURSE, ALL THE ACTION WILL BE COVERED BY THE MEDIA. ABC SEEMS TO EDITORIALISE A BIT ON ITS CARS THOUGH.
…..
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