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The Magpie

Sunday, April 5th, 2020   |   214 comments

Is The LNP’s Freckle About To Become A Political Melanoma? An Alarmed LNP Looks Anew At Its Parliamentary Leadership.

Deb Frecklington is putting a brave face on it, but the party pooh-bahs soiled their small clothes when the Currumbin by-election count was in – sure, the LNP retained the normally safe seat , but the 4.5% swing to Labor has the backroom boys reading the electoral tea leaves … and maybe they will now prefer a cup of Crisafulli. The ‘Pie pontificates.

Here in Townsville, Jenny Hill might spare a similar mathematical thought for her eventual result, which at best will show a double digit swing against her, despite the handy split votes of her three opponents.

Taking our name in vain … why Peter ‘TinFoil Hat’ Newey should stop damaging Townsville’s reputation by claiming to speak for the city’s residents and ratepayers.

And deadly Donald … a COVID-19 upside … the virus has fatally poisoned the criminally negligent presidency of the oafish child Donald Trump, it will likely claim him a victim, politically. .But his victims … thousands of them … are dead.

But first ….

The Virus Variety Show

Like Aussies always have, once hard times have been accepted and restrictions generally obeyed, we turn to levity, sly humour and even a touch of idiocy to help cope with such drastically changed circumstances.

The idiocy comes through as combination of hastily cobbled together rules and enthusiastic young wallopers suddenly having to force some Alice In Wonderland laws. Our very own Bentley found this out during the week, when he dropped in this very polite comment into the Nest.


March 31, 2020 at 5:19 pm  (Edit)

This is not a criticism of the CVirus response. It’s a heads up. My better half and I had to do some shopping today and hopefully get some much needed exercise. We also felt the need to chill as being cooped up increases my chances of a thorough thrashing whenever I exhibit thoughtlessness, which it appears is frequently.
So we drove to the Strand with a couple of comfortable folding chairs, a book each, and bought coffee. The plan was to read, walk, read, have some takeaway, walk etc.
Sound good? You bet. A beautiful day, complete with cool sea-breeze, feeling good.
Not another soul within 15.05m. Not, that is, until an articulate well mannered young police officer stopped his pushbike 2.55m upwind of me in a 10k sea-breeze and explained that one should not leave home to read. It was not a legitimate reason to leave home, and in so doing I was breaking the rules. To his credit, when I explained our proposed exercise program and our intention to implement same after a bite to eat, he did appear to understand, as long as we did not read. He may have felt a little unsure of his ground for when he rode off he appeared to consult with another three officers.
The heads up therefore is that reading on public space is not on unless you are simultaneously exercising . Nor is sunbathing. Don’t know about fishing. Sailing should be OK as it is, to varying degrees, exercise.
I take my hat off to the boys and girls in blue though, and not once did I call any
of them ‘Sonny’.

Our man wonders if it will ever come to this.

Tape-measure fin copy smallAnd there was unintentional humour at the easily avoided idiocy of the ‘boating ban’, which instead of simply stating the distancing rules of ‘two’s a crowd’ still applied, the bureaucrats tied themselves up in hilarious semantic knots. Like ‘OK to go out in the tinny but only if your catching fish for the family – “Sorry, Kev, you’re a good mate and neighbour, but can’t give you any of the barra this time, mate, they say it’s only for the family.’ And could you get fined if you failed to catch anything for the starving family? ‘Ho,ho, a likely story sir, out ‘fishing’ were we, eh? And nothing to show for it, eh? That’ll be $1340, thank you.”

Coppers imposing these sorts of fines could be accused of SPER fishing.

And around the globe, inventive people have made a dark art of compliance … this is the best one from France.

Distancing champion91426524_10159633353486679_5836087955071959040_n

This prompted a feverish Dave of Kelso to comment’ ‘Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.’ Ah, well, it’s a broad church, is the Magpie’s Nest.

It appears, though, the prize for the most exotic fetish has been forbidden in India … well, in the airports, anyway.

IIndia eating carpetMG_8832

But it wasn’t all shits and giggles, like these folks over the other side of the hipster-proof fence in Brisbane on Saturday, at the local farmers’ market.

Framers MasrketScreen Shot 2020-04-04 at 9.34.51 pm

Note the thoughtful temporary basin and tap for hand-washing, along with hand sanitizer on the adjacent post. Well, that’s alright, then eh? At last report, the coppers did nothing, presumably because no one was reading a book.

And The Bulletin Is Still Using COVID-19 As A Marketing Tool

From comments:

Screen Shot 2020-04-03 at 11.20.58 am

The Magpie
3,506 approved
Submitted on 2020/04/03 at 2:43 pmThis goes right to the heart of the News Ltd venality.
It poses as a news story, talking about small newspapers closing down around the country, but then morphs into a virtue-signalling twisted advertisement for more subscribers. It also makes the claim that the Bulletin’s advertising revenue has been hit … making it sound like the paper will manfully face this inconvenience not of their own making. But has that revenue fallen? No, judging by the full page government ads, and the corporate deodorising messages aimed at taking some of the stink off their day to day operations over the years (yes, banks, we’re looking at you).The paper is making a motza out of this, and then has. the rank audacity to go into full-blown wheedle mode for more subscribers.

Hmmm, With Friends Like These ….

 David Crisafulli 153ef614999c89b4aec53abfc6fc1068

David ‘The Kid ‘ Crisafulli is edging closer to making The Magpie $20 richer. More than a decade a go, The ‘Pie made a bet with a mate that The Kid would be Queensland Premier within 20 years.

That is getting closer to reality following the Currumbin by-election, which against the conventional polling wisdom, saw a swing against the LNP of almost 5%. That wasn’t enough to lose the seat, with LNP shoe-horned in candidate Laura Gerber taking a narrow victory in the seat vacated by invincible veteran Jann Stuckey. Stuckey had refused to endorse Gerber and quit the party when her favoured successor was given the boot.

Screen Shot 2020-04-05 at 12.32.08 am

Now, with all that in play, along comes Graeme ‘Whatever It Takes’ Richardson, the retired doyen of dirty tricks for Labor, who forecast on Sky that that was, or should be, the end of the Deb Frecklington.

She should fall ion her sword, ‘he intoned,’ you don’t make it difficult, you just go.’ Now that as far as it goes, is just run-of-the-mill stuff … and, like him or not, Richo is rarely wrong in his political judgment, which made his additional comment more than interesting.

‘Crisafulli will get the job’, Richo said, pointing out that The Kid  left Townsville for the Gold Coast with advancement specifically in mind.

The Freckle has made a few bad stumbles lately, which she can hardly afford, being a lacklustre media performer with all the clout of a wet lettuce leaf. And her ill-advised, inexplicable and wildly hooted attack on Anna Palaszczuk’s fashion choices still sticks in the mind of many. ‘Prissy’ was a word oft used. And ‘prissy'; never polls well.

The Kid made all the expected noises – not much choice and he’s no dill – describing The Freckle as a ‘great leader in these trying times’,’ ‘well respected’ blah blah blah. All proving that truth is trumped by shining insincerity every time.

But The Kid has a great package to offer, as the master of the soundbite, pithy one-liners (he was a journo remember) and an unerring political radar. The ‘Pie has often thought that his defeat here in Townsville didn’t come to him as the great surprise it did to many others.

Hearing Richo plump for someone who would surely wipe the floor with Palszczuk come October, was a bit like hearing Broncos fans cheering for the Cowboys. And like the NRL, the LNP leadership derby will be held behind locked doors.

A Thought

A stroke of genius … the NRL with the blessing of the State Government, should decide to play all three State of Origin games behind locked doors – in Townsville!!!

Brilliant. Mayor Mullet can justly claim she’s attracted SOO to the city, the NRL doesn’t lose any dough, no parking worries, and locals and the Bulletin can SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE SILLY IDEA IN THE FUTURE.

Not In Our Name, Please

Peter Newey

From time to time, it has been sport to have a cruel laugh at the foaming lunacy of arch-conspiracist and tin foil hat connoisseur Peter Newey, he of the spuriously named Townsville Resident and Ratepayers Association. The Magpie generally refrains from joining in the hoots of derision, because of his rule of not mocking the afflicted.

For some time now, it is apparent that Mr Newey has hi-jacked this initially well-meaning group and its name, and has made it his own personal vehicle for all sorts of looney conspiracies and xenophobic rants, particularly about the Chinese and Malaysians … there’s a reason for this selectivity, which we’ll get to in a moment. But none of which has much to do with residents and ratepayers concerns.

Mr Newey, who had long coveted public office, at one time as high the scarlet mayoral robes trimmed with possum fur, had his 15 minutes of fame when he presented an on-line petition at the council chambers of people objecting to the proposal to gift Adani $18.5 million of ratepayer funds to Adani, for an airport 400kms away which the council would neither own nor operate. (An issue, The Magpie is bound to point out, that first came to prominence in this blog, but happy for Mr Newey to run with it.)

But it appears PW was not satisfied with 15 minutes, and has tried to parlay fleeting ‘fame’ into 15 years or so. And the reason is simple: hell hath no fury like Peter Newey scorned in his ambitions for Walker Street, and even beyond.

Because the very people he attacks are exactly the people he tried to chum up to, along with an assortment of the gullible and the spiv egging him on. Potential Chinese and particularly Malaysian investors quickly rebuffed his embarrassing attempts to wheedle his way into their good graces. Various enterprises he bumbled around with included a cack-handed amateurish attempt to link the Bluewater airport with the proposed equestrian centre at Bluewater, which was, and as far as The ‘Pie knows, still is to be funded by Asian money.

And so the worm turned, and the TRRA facebook page became home to extremely defamatory rants against those who has spurned both him and those in the background with their own agendas … they knew a pliable mug when they saw one.

Now you may well be asking what’s all this got to do with price of eggs, is this just some petty ‘bloggers at war’, two old superannuated codgers sniping at each other. Well, no, it isn’t, The ‘Pie knows there is almost no overlap of shared regular readers of the TRRA site and The Magpie’s Nest.

What it is about is the name that Peter Newey has taken it unto himself, to broadcast to a devoted small band of sox‘n’sandals retired shufflers. Trouble his, the xenophobic rants – some of which would certainly attract the attention of racial vilification laws if any one could be bothered with such a minor pest – do reach beyond Townsville. The name Townsville Residents and Ratepayers Association is  high on any Google search by prospective southern migrants, businesses and tourists. Some Magpie mates down south, checking on the old bird’s local stamping ground, have been goggle-eyed with amused wonder when they’ve come across some of Newey’s more colourful entries. And many others would be led to believe that the views of this one sadly damaged and spiteful individual is indicative of the whole population generally.

So thanks, Pete, for your great contribution to the city that has spurned you as a serious community voice. Drop the name and man up, and make it clear that you represent no one but yourself.

And get help.

Was It The Virus Vote Wot Dun It?

Now that the pity parties for the limp Cox campaign and the braying barn dances of victory out in Banjo Country have been exhausted, we now move on to the next four years under the care of Mayor Mullet’s ‘safe hands.’ When The ‘Pie first read that boast that she offered ‘a pair of safe hands’, he realized here was only one way Jenny’s hands could be safe.


Airstrip, battery factory, flood management, culture of secrecy, anyone?

At the time of writing, Mayor Mullet sits at a smidge over 50% of the primaries with some preferences already being counted. The bad news for her – like she’d give a shit – is the double digit swing against her against last time.

There were plenty of factors at play in this election, and several Labor backers admit that the clincher for her was the COVID-19 scare … people don’t make big change decisions in times of crisis in uncharted territory.

But it was always an inevitable outcome with two candidates, neither who had a hope and they knew it, acting as spoilers for Sam Cox’s effort. And Sam’s hesitant, haphazard and poorly advised ‘no team’ tactics, his recent party hopping and slow reaction to golden campaign opportunities, should at least earn him a generous and elegant thank you note from Mayor Mullet. And add to that on several opportune occasions, he was away for his word as a rural agent.

But that’s all done and dusted, and the next development we need to watch is the tussle for deputy mayor … because it will give us a pointer to the future, as there is no way Jenny will will run in 2024. Messagebank Walker polled very strongly to get back in, but the smart money thinks that won’t be enough to save his nice little earner deputy doo-dah, he’s so lazy in the role. Russ Cook, who got a fright in early returns, will be on any ballot for the slot, but the backroom boys have told The ‘Pie that Mark Frothy Molachino is the likely anointed successor.

And there is no point in being churlish about it, The Magpie now has something to do for the next four years, if the CCC doesn’t spoil his fun. So in the spirit of a game well won, Jenny, The ‘Pie will be sending you a little congratulatory gift … some more ammo for your next term, ‘cos you’re gunna need it, gal. Here it is.

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A Thought

A stroke of genius … the NRL with the blessing of the State Government, should decide to play all three State of Origin games behind locked doors – in Townsville!!!


Mayor Mullet can justly claim she’s attracted SOO to the city, the NRL doesn’t lose any dough (an empty stadium is an empty stadium anywhere), no parking worries, and locals and the Bulletin can SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE IDEA IN THE FUTURE.

In A Country With So Many Guns, One Sometimes Wonders ….

His excesses and self-absorption are on display for all to see, but in his darkest turn yet, the deeply troubled mentality of Donald Trump has become fatal. He once boasted he could ‘walk out onto Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and he wouldn’t lose a single vote.’ Well, let’s see if that holds true now he walked nowhere and has been instrumental in thousands of Americans dying because of his wilful, indeed criminal, incompetence and ego.

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This week’s sad and disturbing gallery … your laughter will be grim.

14_707_1451_26611_1045_18415_683_20616_5110_9818_424_20514_6710_9910_1023_2077_14713_7611_97 And Finally, Just So You Know The Magpie Is Being A Dutiful Bird



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The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.


  1. Sir Rabbittborough says:

    Good news, they’ve put a Dick in charge of “Making it Qld”

  2. Cockie says:

    Over the past week we have heard a lot on the media about cruise ships in Perth and Sydney, and reporters have hounded the leaders of both states about letting them dock, and disembark, crew and passengers. At the moment Perth the Artania refusing to leave port and NSW has the Ruby Princess doing laps off-shore between Wollongong and Gosford, the remaining NSW ships were provisioned last night and are heading away.
    This morning I see on the site below, the Sun Princess, registered in Bermuda doing laps off the Stradbroke Islands, Carnival Splendor, registered in Panama off Caloundra doing 15 Knots heading towards Brisbane, Sea Princess, registered in Bermuda and Pacific Dawn, registered in the UK both anchored off Caloundra.
    I find it strange that reporters in this state have not asked the state leaders why they are here are there the status of passengers aboard and what plans they have for crew and any passengers who may or may not have CV19.
    Information from https://www.vesselfinder.com/

    • The Magpie says:

      Excellent point. The Astonisher’s thrusting team of investigative journalists will on that in a flash … or will be tomorrow when they get into work. About 10 am. Probably an hour after one or more of the liners has docked. Meanwhile, the Sunday B team will be wondering WTF.

    • Ferret says:

      Most are off to Gladstone according to marine traffic world wide website.
      One could assume that would be a better way to transfer crew to home ports or is there another reason.
      Maybe the TRRA has an opinion on this :p

    • Rowdy says:

      Don’t forget the Artania was at Townsville Port on 7th March 2020. Buses ferrying the passengers to the local tourist spots.

  3. Mike Douglas says:

    After experiencing a few issues accessing your blog this morning Pie I was concerned after Peter Newey posts that the poor showing of any party or candidates he was involved in the Council election was due to the Chinese including internet/ communication so it was logical the Magpie would be high target on their list . Now to matters internationally . With most countries taking a different approach to COVID – 19 news from across the ditch . N.Z. went early and went hard the only issues arising is what appears to be a lack of engagement with the business sector by PM Jacinda Ardern ( you know the one many Australians think our PM should be like ) . Result , apocalypse of businesses filing for bankruptcy or pulling out of NZ like Bauer closing Women’s Weekly /Day . Of course the NZ Government is backpedaling as fast as they can with Miss Ardern stating “ why arnt you talking to us before you are closing “ with Businesses replying “ why didn’t you talk to us before you closed most of us down “ .

    • Achilles says:

      Not worry Mike, I think you can still get your Woman’s Day/Weekly here in Oz.

    • Mr Ed says:

      Yes Mike, we refer to our lookalike cousin from across the sea as The Ditch Witch. She seems to cast spells over a lot of people and all this as a PM who hasn’t a clue about economics and/or businesses.

      Footnote: All you younger readers out there, google me, I’m the famous Mr Ed!

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Yes Mike and Ed, a Prime Minister with no/little economic or business understanding, is akin to a newspaper without a balanced and even handed editor.

      Oh, wait a minute………

  4. Achilles says:

    For those of us who are single and house bound, Palm Sunday may take on a additional meaning eh?

  5. The Stasi says:

    Mr Magpie, melanomas can be successfully treated if they are assessed in good time.

  6. Russell says:

    Well that’s been a day of high quality comments then.

  7. Getaway Driver says:

    I disagree with you about Crisafulli and Frecklington. The sole reason for the reduced LNP vote in Currumbin was the refusal of head office to endorse the local branch choice, Chris Crawford (a nice bloke by the way) and replace him with a woman ( because they were afraid of criticism if Stuckey was not replaced by a woman regardless of what local branch members wanted) and then the public criticism of Gerber and head office , including Frecklington, by Stuckey and her refusal to support Gerber. In these circumstances many local branch members stayed away from helping on polling day ( and probably voted for One Nation).
    Now that Gerber has been elected and now has a chance to settle into local branch matters I expect that at the general election she will be returned with an increased majority. Crisafulli’s chance at the top job will only come if the LNP don’t win govt at the election and then it will be as opposition leader. That’s my $20 tip.

    • The Magpie says:

      All sound reasoning, which I was aware of (you know the old rule … never fuck up a good story with too many facts.) A LNP party connection from down south has suggested to The ‘Pie that the LNP is worried about a ‘Battle of the Bitches’ election, given the Freckles recent personal attacks on the premier and lukewarm media performances, and believe with Anna’s track record, a bloke has a much better chance of tossing her.

      • Charlie Wulguru says:

        But not one who backed Newman. Not this time. Ask Tim Nicholls. You will still win our bet, if you are around to collect.

    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      Someone should be telling the Freckle the story about Alexander Downer and his contribution to the party, by resigning and allowing John Howard to win the election, and become a 4 term Govt, it’s not to late, she still has time. I won’t hold my breath though, people I talk to who are still in the party say it’s a fairly piss poor turnout these days, more like a club than a political party, and it certainly appears that way, a pack of losers who just don’t know how to get the job done.

    • Fishframe says:

      Not many non lawyer LNP’s get selected as Premiers.

  8. Dirty Sanchez says:

    The problem with egotistical narcissistic politicians is that they really don’t see it when they are on the nose. Poor deluded souls just keep on thinking their shit don’t stink. Nanna Anna and Triad Trad are on the nose. Voters are ready to kick em in the tits. However the Freckle, a much better choice then the likes of Nicols is now on the nose. The LNP really need to give her a back seat and put The Kid up front of the party otherwise the lazy shit-for-brains millennial voters will stick with the double chinned Devil they know – Nanna Anna.
    The clock is ticking LNP.

  9. The Magpie says:

    The Magpie can now confirm that Townsville City Council CEO Mike Chiodo has resigned, or at least signalled his intention to do so, and will probably up-stumps in May. Mr Chiodo, long rumoured to have medical issues, stayed on for appearances sake during the election campaign … he has had a good relationship with the mayor.

    So now, ponder this …. given the histories of the last couple of CEOs, and Mayor Mullet back in for four years (or until the CCC catches up with her), what plague of raining frogs will be conjured up from Mayor Mullet’s back-scratching, favour-owed Labor/LGQA/southern consultant conglomeration to fill the position to madam’s satisfaction?

    Life is always meant to be ‘interesting’ in Townsville, apparently.

  10. City dweller says:

    I see Jamie durie has a new tv show statting tonight on channel 9. Must have settled his debts after his 800k payout from us ratepayers for the producer’s to give hom another gig. They wouldn’t give him another show knowing hes in money trouble and taking the risk.

    • Fishframe says:

      I haven’t been able to stand him since my wife said back in the early 2000’s that he was good looking.

  11. Critical says:

    I see that the Australian Festival of Chamber Music has cancelled the 2020 event but a search of the websites for the 2020 Townsville V8 Supercars and the Townsville Show iindicates that both events are going ahead. The V8 Supercars website appears to be still selling tickets.

    Does anyone know what is happening with these events?

    Another question but if the Townsville Show is cancelled does it follow that the public holiday is also cancelled?

    • The Magpie says:

      Good question (s), Crits. Loss of a public holiday will hardly rate a mention, given so many forced ‘public’ holidays at the moment, but the Townsville show may be cancelled for a different reason … given the AFP raids on the grounds this afternoon, the whole place may be sealed off as a crime scene.

    • Fishframe says:

      Brisbane Ekka cancelled for August so would not expect V8’s.

  12. SouthPark Chef says:

    Chiodo did indeed tow the party line. Had he not, he wouldn’t have lasted this long. The LGAQ will have the final say because the Mullet now has 4 years of power so they might choose a personal mate rather than a person favoured by the purple doona wearer, simply because she has a few years ahead of her in which to get over it. Why the fuck have Mayors and Councillors anymore anyway? They do fuck all and it’s the Council CEO and staff that do the real work. Have any of you experienced budge time in Council? CEO and CFO plus GM’s do all the grunt work by a set date. All the lazy arse Councillors do is tick and flick. It’s a joke. Councillors are there to make deals for themselves and their mates. That’s it. Fuck em, get rid of them – don’t need them/don’t want them.

    • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

      Dear Bait Layer,

      the CEO and management should be doing the real work – that’s what they actually get paid for. Councillors and Mayor are supposed to be more like the “upper house” for review and assent to staff and management decisions.

      Back when we had a properly functioning council the Mayor and Councillors set a policy agenda and the CEO got on with it. Now it is all direct links from the Doona Cupboard down into the ranks with direct orders – hence the trail of fart bubbles since the last election.

      • Alahazbin says:

        (b) CE, Under the local government act, Councillors should not have direct contact with the daily affairs of council staff. Only through Directors.

        • The Magpie says:

          Of course, and must say, with the stuff floating into the Nest over the years, haven’t had any serious reports of Mayor Mullet directly having a go at, or directing staff lower than executive level. Bit beneath her anyway, she no doubt imagines.

          • Alahazbin says:

            But you should have heard the speeches at the ‘blue collar’ Christmas parties. Talk about beating the drums!

  13. Frequent flyer says:

    I hear Jenny Hill has promised a more transparent council now she has survived a double digit swing against her in the polls.
    Instead of doing dodgy deals behind closed doors she has decreed that due to social distancing all council meetings are to be held via Skype with Sue Blom’s sound turned off.

    • Not the ECQ says:

      Ff(S), the double digit swing against Jenny Hill is all thanks to half a million bucks spent by fucktard Palmer on useless Dowling. Can’t wait to see how the preferences flow – provided they even bother to count them if she pulls more than 50% first preferences.

      • The Magpie says:

        Well that doesn’t add up, Name Changed. Dowling’s vote would almost certainly have gone to Cox, which woulkd make afor a very interesting situation – and opens up the mathematical – and otherwise la la land – possibility that if enough Hill voters actually preferenced Cox (unlikely), she could end up defeated by the preferences from those who voted for her as number 1. But it’s pretty sure Hill voters hitched up their bib’n’braces overalls or Adjusted a sagging bra strap showing under their Best’n’Less floral frock, and just voted 1.


        • Psephologist says:

          Pie, Hill’s preferences wouldn’t get counted as she’s well in front and it would be a 2 horse race. She would be one of the two. In preferential voting the preferences of the candidate with the least number of primary votes are first distributed then upon a refreshed tally, those of these next lowest candidate etc until there’s only two left standing.

  14. Tinned beetroot says:

    I wonder if TCC will replace the current CEO with an internal candidate rather than doing a proper national search. I’d suspect a talented outsider may be somewhat shocked at the goings on there

    • The Magpie says:

      indeed, you may have a point, Barnaby.

      • Achilles says:

        As labor generally prefers the status quo rather than progress or innovation, P’raps we’ll get the Addled one MK11?

        • I’ll be plucked says:

          My moneys on the woman who works with the Mayor, she was another one from Darwin, name escapes me, arrived whilst the Impaler was doing her worst for us.

          • The Magpie says:

            Is that Inga Davis?

          • I’ll be plucked says:

            Yes, that’s the person, Pie. Current CEO, the Impaler, Inga and goodness knows who else all via Darwin.

          • The Magpie says:

            And when the ask is about half a mill or thereabouts, every wanna be layabout PS drongo will have their hand up.

          • Cantankerous but happy says:

            They didn’t just come via Darwin, they well and truly fucked the place before leaving, wrecking the economy, killing private investment and wiping out 10 years of hard fought financial gains and running what should be the long lasting benefits of a $30 billion gas plant, sounds familiar hey.

    • CEO of Crap says:

      Any money on the Impailer making a comeback?

  15. Bing4814 says:

    If the show is cancelled that means no nutritious life giving Dagwood dogs this year ?

  16. Not the ECQ says:

    Mr Magpie, whilst ever Hill leads the vote count her preferences will never be counted. It can’t happen.

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Always thought the evidence was shaky and that the jury made, in part, an emotive decision/verdict. The Vic appeals court decision was also dodgy, for some reason too (political coercion?).

      Did he do it, or even more??? Only the invisible being he worships and Pell will know! Remains to be seen Pie. Apparently there are up to 10 further cases against him being prepared………

      • Not the ECQ says:

        IBP, there is an actual person who also knows for sure – the complainant. Pell now joins the Pantheon of Innocents alongside OJ Simpson although The Juice was later convicted of some robbery thing and sentenced to 33 years prison, nine without parole.

        • The Magpie says:

          Didn’t he also lose a multi-million civil suit against him by the family of the victim? Maybe the Catholic Church can cough up a few of their untold billions in a civil action.

          But for the record, this is process in our democracy, and that is that … those people who ‘know’ more than a jury (which was privy to information we were not) and then others who will rent shirts and wail at the high court judges who overturned the jury verdict (pretty rare in itself) obviously know little of the basic reasoning behind the law.

          The ‘Pie also had his doubts about the conviction, but courts do not run on the Denuto Principle of ‘the vibe’.

          However, the biggest downside to this decision is that we will never hear the end of the crowing from Andrew Bolt and that superannuated prune, Gerard Henderson.

        • I’ll be plucked says:

          Yes ECQ, my error, of course the complainant would know. Agreed, wholeheartedly.

      • Dave of Kelso says:

        I hope they proceed.

  17. Elusive Butterfly says:

    Yet another virus has been released into the atmosphere…Pell Virus!!

    • winni says:

      Pell is not the virus

      the mongrels who denied him the simple laws by not providing evidence and just relying on hearsay from one pxxxxpot are the virus

      • The Magpie says:

        Oh, Pooh!

      • Tenacious D says:

        He will be convicted again – 4 corners recently showed why.

      • Last Drinks says:

        Are you telling me Winni, that Pell knew nothing of any of the multitude of crimes against children committed by Catholic Priests and didn’t cover up any of them?

        • The Magpie says:

          The Pooh’s comment was confused enough by itself, but your assertion in the form of a question is equally unhelpful – Pell wasn’t on trial for any matters other than those before the court, and those matters did not include what you mention – despite the majority of Australians believe them to be true.

  18. Guy says:

    i suggest people do the google search “where does flu come from”

  19. Jenny Wren says:

    Have any juicy morsels fallen into the Magpie’s Nest about the Federal Police raid on the showgrounds yet?

    • The Magpie says:

      Nope, and given the Reich-like tendencies of these po-faced AFP jack-boot types and their undemocratic powers to lock people up without offering the arrested or the public a reason, The Magpie will decline to fuck with them for the present.

  20. Sunset Strip says:

    There is a very, very high chance that Pell will end up back in Barwon prison, given the alleged number of cases to come, as reported in the ABC doco Revelation.

    He has two chances to avoid this – death, or being hidden by the Catholic Church somewhere in Australia or overseas. Never underestimate the power and tentacles of The Vatican if they chose to support the second option!

    • The Stasi says:

      Agreed Stripper! They are better than we are at coverups and disappearing acts and disposing of people who are no longer useful. Worse than The Mafia, crims in funny clothing.

    • Achilles says:

      Let’s see, if the responsible (I use the word advisedly) minister orders Pell surrender his passport pending further matters?

      Look at how vigorously and venally the Vatican obfuscated his last objection to obey the Oz courts and return to Oz.

      When he was finally found guilty, the bloody church gave him absolution when the Pope said it was Satan that made him do it. Ipso facto saying he was guilty but it was not his fault, so what is the Papal stance now?

  21. Critical says:

    In these worrying times, this walk down memory lane might prompt some of us to take our minds off Crovid-19 and reminise about the good times of the past.

    Pie, I wouldn’t be surprised if you knew some of the team who put this new publication together.


    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      Not worrying at all Crits, who could be worried when we have an endless stream of condescending, annoying pain in the arse sports people , actors and musicians telling all of us nothing to worry about, just got to stick together, look after each other, fucking tossers. You can’t escape the annoying bastards, if it wasn’t for the fact my TV cost me a fortune I would throw a brick through the bloody thing.

  22. Elusive Butterfly says:

    Just to change the subject…Crisafulli…remember “Rìvergate” Pie…devious, dodgy, Davey denies all…and debunks…down south….ddddhmmmm!!!

    • Fishframe says:

      I gave up on the beer bottle thing years ago. Now I’ve got it on tap.

    • Bentley says:

      Sorry mate, you can’t. Just get another bottle and do the other one. Otherwise you’ll look lop-sided.

    • Last Drinks says:

      Jenny says that she has a new scalpel and can solve your problem as a last resort. If she wears her purple dress and does a slow striptease in front of you, she is certain shrinkage may occur enabling you instance freedom. Otherwise, its the scalpel.

      • Jatzcrackers says:

        Jenny wouldn’t use a new scalpel on Pie ! More like an old rusty one with a few nicks in it from trimming her own moustache !

    • Arthur Itis says:

      In order to assess the situation, please post photo.

  23. Old Tradesman says:

    Our Mayor today tells us that hosting the NRL comp in Townsville is going to provide an economic boost to the city. Is the premier going to open the borders, have people going to the games, etc? No wonder Townsville has no cranes in the skyline with great economic management like this.

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Tradie, I wonder what she has promised the NRL for this brain fart? C’mon Mullet, transparency please, what carrots have you thrown???

      I think the NRL board and executives are delusional if they think this will work – I guess they have to fill in the hours in a day somehow and it results in coming up with this sort of crap!

      • The Magpie says:

        What carrots does she need to throw, and anyway what carrots has got, the NRL doesn’t need an airstrip or land for a factory? Indeed, it’s got very little to do with the council and Mayor Mullet, if the NRL want to do this, they’ll talk to Brisbane and the decision will be made there.

  24. home alone in DIV 9 says:

    With the current state of the TSV City Heart, it is hard to imagine a success such as this had come out of it.

    Billion dollar milestone: SafetyCulture Australia’s newest unicorn


  25. Friar Tuck says:

    Dear Readers, please know that in the Catholic Church we have had a structure which encourages submission and silence. We have always, through thousands of years, dealt with our issues, in our own way and internally.

    We did not question authority and followed, out of respect and compliance, the values of our church. We all knew about the child abuse, but chose to accept it, rather than challenge it. Thankfully, times are now changing, we were wrong and there will be great good that comes from this. Finally, it was not all of us who transgressed, in fact the majority of our clergy did not – we are however guilty of silence, a great sin and burden we have carried for decades.

    • The Magpie says:

      How many ignorant, devout (tautology?) parents of past generations were complicit in the abuse of their children, not daring to pursue any juvenile complaints? Bloody plenty, such is the terror instilled by a religious order whose very design encourages child abuse.

      • Achilles says:

        The last two words are also tautology, just delete child and you cover the whole structure, not only Catholicism but all religions which are a mind virus, that switches off reason and supplants irrational superstition.

    • Pontius Pilate says:

      Thank you Friar Tuck. And may I add that with well over a trillion dollars in assets the Church has plenty of money to spend on legal assistance in continuing to cover up kiddie fiddling within our ranks. We are a business that makes money and kiddie fiddling tends to ruin our business objectives and reputation so we much prefer to spend up big and defend our hierarchy even if accusations on most occasions are proved to be true. In this time of need please warm up your credit cards and $100 notes and continue with your donations. Thank you

  26. The Magpie says:

    Today’s Bulletin, in her story about the AFP raid on the Townsville showgrounds, reporter Shayla Bulloch writes:
    “Mr Condon, who is a well-known personality around the region, has previously been under the microscope of authorities when he was sentenced to a jail term for grievous bodily harm when he broke the jaw of a man at the showgrounds in March 2012.”
    Sloppy reporting and a half truth that deserves an immediate apology, if not damages … and she even got the year wrong … it was 2009, conviction overturned, new trial ordered, prosecution drops charges when re-trial moved to neutral Mackay. Christ, they can’t even get background right! Let The Magpie help out.

    • Grumpy says:

      Good luck with Chris, Constable Plod. You won’t lay a glove on him – again. He’s slicker than pig snot on a brass door knob.

      • The Magpie says:

        This is the 9th time the cops have at a go at Condon, the difference this time is that it is Commonwealth peelers. The Queensland police, one way or another, managed to fuck up the previous 8 attempts, that Condon has always put down to a personal vendetta against him. Which is as it may be, so you’d think they’d have tried a bit more diligently. The AFP tread very carefully before they do anything.

        • Surely Not says:

          Hi Magpie,

          Reading the Townsville Bulletin article today, it says Chris Condon was convicted of GBH in 2012? I thought it was earlier, 2009? On top of that, he was never convicted I’m sure? This really is an atrocious article with holes in it everywhere. The Show is a Not for Profit organization. So correct me if I’m wrong, but they don’t pay tax, just GST. So the Townsville Bulletin have completely slandered and over sensationalized that matter. Mayor Mullet certainly has it in for Chris Condon after his continual support of her opposition. I would hate to think that this is her doing.

          • The Magpie says:

            The ‘Pie has already pointed out this quite serious (legally) error in the story (see previous comment) … The ‘Pie knows this because he reported the entire trial for the Bulletin and the overturning of the conviction. I also reported in this blog that the prosecution then dropped the charges when they learnt that the new trial would be on neutral ground in Mackay, and they could not expect a ‘loaded’ jury this time around.

            As for The Mullet having anything to do with it, no, despite whatever delusions drive her, she has zero influence over the AFP. Or one would sincerely hope that is the case.

    • Tsv Wmns Biz says:

      I’d find it hard to believe the Tsv Bulletin wouldn’t have checked their facts on such a controversial subject Magpie.

      If you are correct, how could Mr Condon ever get a fair hearing? The Tsv pool would be poisoned long before the matter went before the court!

  27. Alahazbin says:

    Arron Harper has had a bullying grievance, bought against him by former LNP candidate Cassie Scott.

  28. God give me strength says:

    So the intellectual giants at TEL are suggesting the public buy gift vouchers in the tourism industry of Townsville ( already on the bones of their ass before the coronavirus ) and the companies honour the vouchers over the next two years. So when the dust settles and all those folk who with such vision and able to look further then their next pay cheque, turn up redeem their much needed holiday and fine the companies no longer exists……is it just me….

    • CEO of Crap says:

      TEL are a big waste of time and money. Time for another cardboard cutout of Prince Harry taking a helicopter ride to Magnetic Island ……..

  29. Terry Who says:

    The Townsville people having returned The Hill Team to power proves on thing to me. People really do not want change during a major disruption in society.

    There surely can be not other reason.

  30. Desperado, out riding fences says:

    Shout out to all in self-isolation (that should be nearly everyone). I’ve been doing it for years, although I do have a lot of country to traverse in my work travels, which helps with the boredom.

    Out riding fences, for so long now…

  31. Indignant says:

    Doctors , companies in North Queensland / industry groups /
    including Senator Canavan / 2 Regional MP,s have issued a request to close
    the border to protect regional Qlders . Aaron Harper has again clearly shown his disregard for his constituents, trying to make political hay out of COVID and toe his Brisbane party line . Apart from an ignorant slur against all those who signed the petition, Casie Scott
    had the guts to try and run for Queensland Government , was bullied by
    unionists and now gets this attack on her professionalism by a howling do-nothing ass. I hope she goes legal

    • CEO of Crap says:

      This was Bob Katter’s idea and a lot of people laughed at him. Now they want to adopt His idea and make out that they care. I think it’s too late to close off NQ now.

  32. Swami Manboub Siphpusser says:

    Port is still open. Only a matter of time.

  33. Bentley says:

    My wife and I had to re-stock today. First stop Uncle Dan’s where I was impressed by the large screen that had been installed at the point of sale to interrupt virus exchange between customers and checkout attendant. Well done Dan!
    Next stop the supermarket. The one place you cannot escape a close quarters exchange of exhaled breath from a complete stranger who in all probability has had God knows how many such exchanges, is the check-out. And you can’t keep more than about a metre from this person as she has to swipe a bar code and you have to take each purchase from her to pack it yourself. All the limits to customer numbers, crosses on the floor, one way aisles, will not save you if you are unlucky enough to encounter an infected check out chick. Just a thought.
    Full marks Dan Murphy. Just goes to prove alcohol kills only the slow brain cells.

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Woolies supermarket said they were putting screens in Benters, shop there instead? As you prolly already know, they own Dans as well.

      • Bentley says:

        Thanks, Plucked. I would like to think screens will become more or less standard for all points of sale. Tests have apparently shown this particular virus remains active (read deadly) for at least 3 hours in open air. The ramifications are terrifying.

    • The Magpie says:

      Completely different company and proposal, Pure Minerals (Pacific Metals) plans – so they say – to make chemicals for use in batteries, not make the batteries themselves. Nothing to don with Magnis, as far as we know, completely separate. And even that proposal was and is still heavily qualified. Also no reason this project shouldn’t go ahead in the SDA near the Port.

  34. Mike Douglas says:

    Aaron Harper rarely disappoints with his arrogance and stupidity and I am sure his fellow members Coralee and Scott wish he would shut his mouth . Anytime business , industry groups , the Astonisher disagree with the Palaszczuk Government Aaron labels them Lnp cohorts yet I thought we lived in a democracy ? . Aaron’s last brain explosion labelling medical professionals and businesses that want to cut North Queensland off to avoid COVID -19 spreading as Lnp cohorts needs questioning and the question “ did he survey his electorate “ ? . To then attack and demean a women who has spent most of her life in the private sector and not on the Government teat, daring to run against Labor is beyond apprehension especially how his party makes so much noise on gender balance .

    • Fishframe says:

      Time to remain calm. Harpic is getting vocal because we are fast leading up to State Elections. By July they will all join in choris with him speaking crap and making out that they been working hard for the past four years.

    • Old Tradesman says:

      I tried to post a comment in the Astonisher about the arrogant prick, it lasted about 2 minutes.

    • Arthur Itis says:

      Mike, “Stupid is as stupid does. “Just be thankfull for small mercys that he is no longer on the medical or on the political front line during the Corona crises.
      By the way Aaron seeing as your loosing traction out there, here’s a slogan for you come October…
      “Give Stupidity a Voice!…….Vote 1 Aaron Harper

      • The Magpie says:

        The ‘Pie wryly noted that Harpic was on the Dying With Dignity inquiry, which came out in favour of it. Funny that, from a man who is presiding over the death of his city without any dignity whatsoever.

        • I’ll be plucked says:

          Harpic will be flushed down whatever drains are still working by the Thuringowa electorate in October. The other two Labor peanuts, O’Rort and Cupcake will also be gone.

          • Citizen Journalist wannabe says:

            I’m certainly not defending Harper’s actions by any means but lets not forget that Scott was Thompson’s campaign manager and her partner is another vocal political persona Michael Brennan. Why is Phil trying to claim that she is a single mother?

          • The Magpie says:

            Missing the point there. Scott tried to do something positive concerning public safety, and Harpic, as is the Labor way, placed the person not the ball … and in the process, smeared all the people who had signed the petition.

            A measure of the man’s intelligence is that he just didn’t let it go through to the keeper, he simply did not address the petition basis. He is exactly the sort of weasel we do not require in politics … self-seeking, negligent of his electorate and party arse licker … plenty on the other side, too, but just now, we’re talking about this gormless arrogant time server.

  35. One legged tap dancer says:

    Went for a walk (exercise, not pleasure) along Palmer Street yesterday and can’t believe the stupidity of what the council is doing.
    First block (from Jam Corner to the Shamrock) stays the same (two way), then from Simply Tops down to Morehead Street it is being changed into one way, then the last block down to the Metropole is two way again.
    Apparently they are fucking with the one-way bit to put in a wider footpath to allow restaurants to have outdoor tables. But there are only 2 restaurants and neither of them asked for a bigger footpath.
    Simply Tops already has a large area available on the footpath which it seldom uses, and Table 51 has an outdoor dining area which is usually empty.
    Meanwhile the roadworks have been extended for another 5 weeks because of bad weather, giving the two restaurants extra time to go broke due to restricted access.
    Our rates at work.
    No wonder the council is almost $600 million in debt.

    • The Magpie says:

      And of course like all councils, TCC charges an absolute poultice for every table placed on THEIR sidewalks. Has our transparent council … anywhere … explained the rationale behind these works?

      And BTW, you going for a walk, Three Member, conjures up visions of playground hopscotch.

  36. TSV oh TSV says:

    As of today.

    When browsing the Bullsheet online (outside the paywall) various suspect popups arise – Telstra free device offer, Norton Security out of date & software update for Facebook access.

    Running Win 10 Pro here.

    Anyone else ?

    • The Magpie says:

      What’s all that in English?

      • TSV oh TSV says:

        This started happening today.

        When using this/ my PC to browse the TSV Bulletin website, outside the Newscop Paywall the afore mentioned popup adverts/ spam would arise from time to time.
        This / my PC is running the Windows 10 Professional operating system.

        Has any other reader experienced this or similar, as it may be a malware/ phishing scam.

    • Achilles says:

      I used to be plagued with this crap, I installed Ad Remover, fixed not only the Nest but sped up all of my other online sites. Cost $40 well worth it.

      • TSV oh TSV says:


      • Heroit Poirot says:

        Another Good Function is Adblock Pro.. it Keeps a running total of the number that have been blocked. You can also get adblock plus for your mobile Fone.. A few sites will give you comment “We notice you are using a Adblocker please remove.

  37. Old Tradesman says:

    I buried my brother last week and as a family all the current protocols relating to the virus were adhered. Why then were 80 people allowed to attend an indigenous persons funeral in Mackay today, all with the approval of the CMO Dr. Jeanette Young. Maybe our three stooges can give us an explanation.

  38. Astonished says:

    Was walking past the Maggie Island ferry terminal Thursday evening and saw a prominent local doctor in casual gear heading to the island,.
    So was he going to the island to attend to a patient or for an Easter holiday.
    Said doctor like most in Townsville hasn’t made a house call in years, and certainly not on the island.
    Maybe the police should be spending more time at the ferry terminals, or is it ok to go to the island for Easter?

    • Kenny Kennett says:

      Name and shame. We are in this together

      • The Magpie says:

        Well, Kenny, if you want to do that, make sure of your facts. You will need to provide them if you want any names published on this blog.

        This is just one of the many dangers we now face … the groundless group smear.

      • Aged Stripper says:


    • Russell says:

      Astonished, it is not illegal to travel to Magnetic Island. If it were so, I witness from my balcony dozens, if not hundreds, breaking the law several times a day. Why the good doctor was travelling was his own business when it’s all said and done.

      • The Magpie says:

        Well, not sure that is exactly correct, Russell. Under the legally enforceable restrictions, there are easing caveats that allow such travel for a number of reasons – shopping for goods not available on the island would be one of them. Certainly the doctor in question could not be a fresh air jaunt, but who knows what his reasons were? And being a doctor, is it not possible that he was ‘on duty’ for medical reasons, notwithstanding your snipe about house calls?

    • Not the ECQ says:

      Astonished, inside the Breakwater Terminal on Thursday you would have seen two cops checking every Maggie Island passenger’s ID and asking what their business was at their destination. And when they got off the ferry at Nelly Bay there was another cop waiting to have another sniff around.

      • Aged Stripper says:

        By law you don’t have top answer the police, if they detain you that’s their business but you can sue and by the time it comes to court no doubt some reasonable excuse can be hatched.

        This isn’t a police state , you aren’t obligated to answer them. if i’m stopped by the police i won’t say a word because i’m not obligated to tell them why i’m out and about. if the police don’t want to be reasonable then let the ball roll.

    • CEO of Crap says:

      I’m certainly not going to name names, but prior to COVID-19, a Friday night at Maggie RSL and next door markets would be a who’s who of Townsville. Just about anyone of prominence has an Island getaway. Now, have a spy of who’s getting on the ferry still to go to the Island. A lot of them are…..

  39. Cantankerous but happy says:

    Only in Townsville could someone think putting an airport hotel 1km from the airport is a good idea, imagine humping your luggage 1km up the road on a balmy NQ evening, sweating your ring off or the same thing at 5.00 am to catch the red eye, what are these people thinking. Let’s hope the view over the Salvos diversionary centre is worth the trek, or maybe a rooftop bar where people can look over to the youth detention centre. Why does Townsville always take what should be a good idea, and completely fuck it up.

    • The Magpie says:

      But … but … but … Cankers, how could you, such racism by omission? Yet again Cankers, you short change out indigenous citizens by ignoring the uplifting ‘will ye neer com’ back agin’ view of the Happy Valley hamlet … the one that can just be glimpsed beyond the city cemetery.

  40. The Resurrection says:

    Hello All, I’m really looking forward to this Sunday, when I can get out of the tomb and into some fresh air again!

    Problem is, once out I have to isolate again – maybe I should just stay in the tomb a while longer? Quite a dilemma.

    • The Magpie says:

      Well, you’ve certainly done your 14 days and then some … been there since this time last year, we’re told. Is there a Woolies nearby? And, holy shit, what about toile … ah, no, don’t think we’ll go there.

  41. Frequent flyer says:

    Re going the Maggie Is. We usually go up to Dungerness over Easter for a weekend of fishing and crabbing so I checked and was told that wasn’t allowed as my travel wasn’t essential. So how does my case differ from people going to Maggie for a holiday?

    • The Magpie says:

      If people are going there for a ‘holiday’, then it is no different to your case. But that is pre-supposing those travellers to Maggie – all checked by the peelers at both ends of the trip – do not have legitimate reasons for travel.

      • The Magpie says:

        BTW might be helpful if someone could tell us how many potential travellers have been turned back by the authorities at thge terminal.

  42. TSV oh TSV says:

    Walked through the V8 track this morning and saw the 8 or so personnel there to test the public, sitting under the two large flyovers and not a punter in sight.

    With any luck they are on double time for their trouble today.

    • The Magpie says:

      Well, at least they’re there, don’t knock it.

      • TSV oh TSV says:

        I didn’t.

        That’s your perception of my comment.

        • The Magpie says:

          That’s the problem with the written word … doesn’t always convey tone … if The ‘Pie’s reply had been spoken, it would be clear that it was a conversational ‘good on ‘em’ and nothing critical of what you said.

          • Cantankerous but happy says:

            I have that exact same issue Pie, some people at my work complained I was a rude, offensive, condescending, arrogant uncompromising arsehole , so some lovely young lady in our business was tasked with making my emails and communications less offensive , and suggested I used emojis as a form of creating context in my communications. So now I am a rude, condescending, arrogant uncompromising arsehole with a smiley face at the end of every sentence, I think it’s working well

          • The Magpie says:

            Ya reckon?

  43. Dunno says:

    You know I can’t figure out what all the half wits achieve by breaking the rules and leaving home to travel at the moment. Obviously they are too clever for the rest of us. The rules don’t apply to them and are meant for everyone else.

    I think that they are just plain dumb selfish imbeciles.
    It is the rest of us that are staying at home that are protecting them while they sneak out.

    I reckon the QPS is doing a great job. Keep booking them.

    • The Magpie says:

      Well, you need be pretty alert to not break the rules, when the Police FB page offers this somewhat ambiguous and incomplete info …

      Oh, right then, you say, and makes your plans accordingly … BUT WAIT … you need to scroll down to the FQA, where you get this …

      • Old Tradesman says:

        So why were 80 people allowed to attend the funeral in Mackay?

      • Critical says:

        Well, I’d like to see you use your journalistic skills and develop an easy to read one page document that explains all of the what you can do and can’t do information in a format and language that everyone living in Qld can understand and leaves no room for misinterpretion. To me, it appears that we are living in a community where a percentage of people have the attitude that it’s all about me, I won’t get it or if I do, it won’t really be much and everyone else can f**k off.
        The current fines and penalties in relation to Crovid-19 are too lenient and police should be given greater powers of enforcement. The days of explaining to people what they are doing is wrong, are over.

        • The Magpie says:

          Exactly what The Magpie feels amount the timy fines for the criminal behaviour of using a mobile phone while driving. And if caught texting, a mandatory jail term as well as a fine.

          • Aged Stripper says:

            Sure, seems reasonable, why not have a mandatory 10 years jail sentence for all persons caught using a mobile phone at the wheel ? That will really show those nasty plebs who’s boss. car thieves will be lauded as essential personnel on the war on the underclass.

            I give it three weeks before a full blown civil war breaks out as the relatives head down to the prison to get their relatives out – corona virus or no corona virus. of course as the jail time goes up then its probably worth running or ramming the people trying to fine and jail you for misdemeanors.

          • The Magpie says:

            Seems there was more than the blood of Christ in your altar wine this morning, Old Flasher. Time for a nap now.

          • The Stasi says:

            We want some of whatever the wrinkly stripper is using to get through this very quiet day!

      • Mike Shearer says:

        Here’s an indication of different interpretations put on the rules by the authorities/police. All you need is a bit of imagination. The details are in https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-04-09/l-platers-learning-to-drive-under-coronavirus-restrictions/12131826

        In Victoria a 17-yrs old was hit with a $1,652 fine for her driving lesson but it was withdrawn because there was “some confusion in the community about the current rules around learning to drive. ” The police said the fine was legally issued, getting driving practice just for the sake of it isn’t classed as an essential activity. (Crazy!)

        In NSW driving lessons are considered a reasonable excuse to be on the roads.
        That’s because the police say it’s similar to another accepted reason to leave home — going to an “educational institution where you cannot learn from home” (and it’s pretty hard to get those logbook hours in without being in a car). (Imaginative!)

        In Tassie the reasoning is similar to NSW— it’s an educational activity you can’t do at a desk, so it fits in with other rules saying you’re allowed to travel for education if you can’t learn at home. But “if you do not have an essential reason to stop anywhere, you should not exit the vehicle while out and about.” (Imaginative and crazy!)

        In SA The restrictions would not prevent two members of the same family group from being together in a motor vehicle for the purposes of a driving lesson. (ISensible!)

        In QLD  government or the Premier’s interpretation is still unclear whether learners can continue to drive. However, the RACQ says the latest advice from the Transport Department was that driving locally was OK. The learners can drive around and get their 100 hours. (Typical…!)

        I am mystified how any of the above is relevant to the likelihood of passing on the bug any more than staying at home. Doubtless if it came to a challenge you’d have to prove that you drove only with all windows fully closed. But if a practice is OK in one State why not in all of them? (Because it’s Australia, mate!)

        • I’ll be plucked says:

          And what about the cluster-fuck around schools Mike? Apparently kids and teachers won’t give it to each other because it’s been deemed ok??? WTF! I would have thought that essential workers, who the govt are saying they are supporting to go to work and therefore keeping schools open for their kids, would be very high risk to get and spread the infection.

        • NQ Gal says:

          Just tell the coppers that you are driving mum or dad to the supermarket and it is all legit.

  44. The Magpie says:

    Haven’t stopped laughing ….

  45. Dave of Kelso says:

    Is there any advice on the nocturnal activities of the little snots? Have they been curtailed or still roaming unchecked?

  46. Arthur Itis says:

    OK rules are relaxed for our black brothers, 80 at a funeral. Was it a calculated risk given the low incidence of the virus in NQ?
    COVID-19 has already demonstrated it ‘s not xenophobic, what protocols were/are being implemented to cater for this “Sorry Business”? Other than crossed fingers. What a Pile’o’shit decision.
    If this facilitates a spread into the locked down aboriginal communities it really will be sorry business!! and not just for the communities.
    Also are the same relaxations happening in the other minority communities such as the muslims? If so, added altogether a large/very large percentage of the population has a ‘spreader licence’? Say it’s not so mother Annie…
    To borrow a phrase from a well know local cartoon character, We demand to know the answers to these questions!

  47. Guy says:

    Finally some good news

    Anna P has announced that its likely the state election will be fully postal

    It was a disaster running the council elections in the midst of a pandemic ( encouraging potentially infected people to walk into schools)

    At least they’ve learnt their lesson which gives some hope for us all

    • The Magpie says:

      You old eternal optimist, you.

    • Kenny Kennett says:

      And who is going to open the votes? No doubt somebody who is totally confident that voters have voted with gloves on, then sprayed their preference with disinfectant then don’t accidentally lick the envelope to seal it. And let’s hope the postie wears gloves. Then Labor will need to slightly alter their slogan…’Postal early, Postal often’.

      • The Magpie says:

        Well, classic example of an ‘eristic’ argument, KK – i.e winning the argument without finding the truth. Should we extend your reasoning to you saying that ALL postal communications … letters, postcards, parcels … should be halted immediately for the very same reasons you go all wobbly about a postal vote?

  48. Cajun says:

    Catching up on some of this week’s papers and came across the Bully’s apology to Bishop Tim Harris (Thursday page 3) – sweet Jesus! I am not a Catholic but even I really felt for the poor bloke. Such a mis-quote in these volatile post-release-Pell times is almost unforgivable. Pain caused to Catholic priests and pain caused by Catholic priests are 2 very different things. Luckily Tim is in the business of forgiving people their sins!

  49. Salty Dog says:

    The saline canine hates to mention it but when Bernie Saunders withdrew his candidacy yesterday he said he wasn’t prepared to contest an unwinnable election. And the Trumpish one’s poll numbers are in orbit. Yikes.

    • The Magpie says:

      But what did Bernie Sanders say?

      • Arthur Itis says:

        Check out the Townsville Magpie on Sunday?

      • Achilles says:

        I think you’ll find he was referring to the Democrat election, not the major round in November against Doh-Nut the Rang(g)er.

        • The Magpie says:

          Ahem … check again …. Saunders v Sanders. Just The’Pie’s little joke, that apparently went down like a fat kid on a see saw. Well, with some anyway.

          • Achilles says:

            Pedantic poop! but then I’ve been hoist by my own petard, as a nit picker usually. But I’ve been rubbed down and polished off by a sander no matter how its spelled, rough end of a pineapple p’raps? U have made a difference to which I make a deference.
            Good night……

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