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The Magpie

Sunday, May 10th, 2020   |   243 comments

Have We Been Pranked About That Haughton Pipeline? If So, It’s A Bloody Expensive Joke

Is the Haughton pipeline project unraveling as one of the great political hoaxes ever pranked on us? Our mayor needs to be transparent about this, but so far, she is MIA in a looming tale of political mismanagement.

The Astonisher circles the drain … another disastrous set of figures – with no expected COVID-19 bump in readership – comes just when Rupert promises death by a thousand (paper) cuts – including regionals.

Hey, did you see where our three Labor members fronted the Premier and DEMANDED that COVID-free Townsville be allowed to get back to business RIGHT NOW? No, neither did The ‘Pie. And you will not believe the reason given by the Health Minister, it deserves an award of some sort.

A big property sale in Townsville, especially in these testing times, is always good news, isn’t it? Well, no, not really, although the Astonisher believes otherwise.

And for your musical entertainment (if you missed it during the week), one of the cleverest visual clips with letter perfect parody lyrics to nail the Tangerine Terrorist in the Blight House for the man he is.

But first …

Mixed Signals

steven milesScreen Shot 2020-05-09 at 10.50.45 am

There has been a well argued and reasonable campaign that Townsville businesses should’ve been allowed start back on the long road to recovery when the 28-day incubation period had passed. Progressive, staggered regional resumption of businesses was desirable, viable and well within the health strictures laid down … and with suitable travel restrictions in place, there was no reason that this shouldn’t happen.

This was put to the Queensland Government as a reasonable proposal by the council, the Chamber of Commerce and Townsville Enterprise. Strangely, Coralee O’Rort, Harpic Harper and Cupcake Stewart showed their caring representation of their constituents view by … falling in line with party policy and saying no. The George Street decree was that all the state at once to get the staged re-opening schedule, and that would only be when the more densely populated south-east corner had reached the required 28-day incubation period COVID-free .

Such insupportable and weak-kneed political jelly-backing means our already ailing city economy loses two weeks of invaluable recovery time. As with the ANZAC Day war plane fly-past, sensible and vital exemptions to get our city safely moving again were denied out of hand, making a laughing stock of chief health schoolmarm Jeanette Young . Bentley makes his opinion of the brain-dead decision-making crystal clear.

hang in there small

But if Young was a laughing stock, Health Minister Steven Miles dialled it up to ludicrous.n Asked about the refusal to exercise reasonable flexibility, he said with a straight face that ’it would create confusion’.  How? Anyway, he’d know, being the ringmaster who muddled, stumbled and backtracked from over-zealous stupidity from the outset of his panicked rules and regulations that often made no sense.

For the Palaszczuk Government the real effect of corona virus will not be felt for months yet … October to be precise.

Did ‘The Purple Doona’ Help An Early Resumption Become A Wet Blanket.

Our daggy dad PM startled blog of this blog during the week when he announced that ‘we can’t keep living under the doona’. Try and get rid of that image, Nesters, but he wasn’t talking about Townsville or our mayor’s famous and favourite outfit. Thank God.

Jenny Hill

Mayor Mullet’s quest for Labor kudos in refusing to download the (conservative) Government’s virus tracking app perhaps provide George Street with an excuse to keep us closed? As noted last week, it was the right decision for the wrong reasons, where our mayor sought the big stage by refusing to have her information stored by a ‘foreign company’. All of which attracted the following exchange in comments during the week.

One legged tap dancer 

 May 8, 2020 at 8:27 am  (Edit)

Jenny Hill’s very public refusal to download the covid-19 app had an immediate impact.
When she made known her dislike for the app, approx 800,000 people had signed up. There are now more than 5 million.
Shades of her call to boycott Qantas.
What a dud.


  • The Magpie

May 8, 2020 at 10:24 am  (Edit)

Hahaha … she’d like to think so, but 800,000 southerners would hardly be swayed by what they regard (not entirely incorrectly) as a banjo-pickin’, cane toad stompin’, Sheriff Rosco mayor of some place ‘up in the deep north’.

It is interesting to note that her little foot-stamp was barely mentioned in the mainstream media and had all the impact of a Jamie Durie lecture on how to turn off a tap.

Magpie laughing Screen shot 2014-12-13 at 5.25.57 PM

Pipe Dreams?

pipeline sod tuning 2

Everybody … but specifically the mayor … have gone very quiet on the Haughton pipeline project. Strange, that, especially since given the ‘big picture’ scenario of which the mayor is so fond, and now the stadium is finished, you’d think we’d be bored to tears about the pipeline.

But no, not a gurgle. It would seem there are some dark political clouds gathering over this pricey project, as revealed in this exchange in comments a couple of days ago (please note, The ‘Pie has no say in what people care to name themselves.)

CEO of Crap 

May 7, 2020 at 8:58 pm  (Edit)

How’s the water pipeline from the Haughton coming along? It’s been ‘suspiciously’ quiet on the updates.


  • Not the ECQ

May 8, 2020 at 9:07 am  (Edit)

CEO suspiciously quiet says it all. On 29 April Infrastructure Australia released its evaluation of the Haughton River Pipeline Stage Two project and has determined it will not include the project on the Priority List at this time. It looks like the Commonwealth has pulled the pin. Stage 1 is expected to be completed by the end of 2021. Based on the business case presented to IA for Stage 2, once these Stage 1 works are delivered there was no clear requirement for Stage 2 works at this time. So all the hoohaa about saving money and guaranteeing a long term water supply seems to have gone out the door with less than a peep from Townsville.

Strand Ghost 

May 8, 2020 at 10:01 am  (Edit)

The pipeline that doesn’t go anywhere is laying stagnant at moment. One of the engineers that was working on pipeline lives above me in our complex, told me the pipeline was a complete farce and goes to now where and nobody knows what’s going on either and he has been taken off job and sent to another out of town.

It seems that the COVID epidemic would not have affected pipeline work, but The ‘Pie will be most interested to hear if the government thinks the squillion dollar pipeline isn’t ‘essential work’.

But no worries, our transparent mayor will tell us all, if asked. Ummm, won’t she?

The Origami Bulletin? The Latest Readership Figures Suggest The Astonisher Is In Real Danger Of Folding.

Bulletin logo

It’s a double-whammy for the Townsville Bulletin. The latest year-on-year (March 2019 to march 2020) newspaper readership figures from the Roy Morgan people show the Bulletin’s disconnect with its market has slid into almost terminal territory – at least for the print version.

Screen Shot 2020-05-08 at 4.07.07 pm Screen Shot 2020-05-08 at 4.07.28 pm Screen Shot 2020-05-08 at 4.07.07 pm

Just 31,000 readers on a weekday and an embarrassing 38,000 for the weekend flagship edition. Of course, the paper doesn’t reveal subscription numbers, but they certainly can’t be too flash, or otherwise we’d be hearing about the rooftops.

Although circulation figures are no longer made available, if one goes by the paper’s own previous metric that eight people read every paper printed – stop laughing, this is tragic – the weekday print run must be in down to four figures, possibly as low as 8000. 10 years ago it was 42,000. That does not bode well for a circulation area of 250,000.

And piling in on top of all this are rumblings from Rupert of taking a whippersnapper to ‘costs’ – read jobs – including regionals.

MurdochScreen Shot 2020-05-08 at 11.32.26 am

The massive print hall on Flinders Street may well keep News viable in this town, with much other work passing through weekly, But the future of our vandalised community newspaper is far from certain.

Here is the national readership figures.

But The Townsville Connection Strikes At The Heart Of News Ltd’s Public Embarrassment … Again.

When newspapers cock up, they do all they can to avoid court, and can generally negotiate down their public humiliation with an undisclosed cash settlement and a statement of contrition – often going under the euphemism ‘Clarification’, with next more serious one being ‘Correction.’ The most dreaded in the one that appears under ‘Apology’, which carries very serious legal implications.

The papers always try to get a deal where such admissions of grievous error are tucked away well inside the paper, although the offending might have been front page. So we are only left to speculate what millions were at risk – indeed what lesser millions may have been negotiated anyway – when a very prominent front page apology ran on the front page of last week’s Sunday Telegraph.

Screen Shot 2020-05-09 at 11.55.32 pm

Industry commentators were dumbfounded, but all agreed that suggesting one of Australia’s most well-known musicians with a global following was seen leaving a suburban knocking shop when he had in fact been visiting a near-by friend, was always going to be top dollar. And painful, because this rare sort of outcome can involve the responsible editor being subjected to severe correction, which involves honey, ants and being spread-eagled naked on the board room table.

The interesting thing is that the editor in question is Mick Carroll, who was the last successful editor of the Townsville Bulletin in the Noughties, the last to actually lift the circulation and stagnating readership. Then he left and it all went to shit, as we know. Sad in a way, too, because, in stark contrast to those who followed him, Mick was and is very much a champion of his colleagues, has a great feel for community , and a good bloke into the bargain. He actually lifted both the morale and the performance of the paper when he took over the worthy but plodding John Affleck

Must be something in the water around here. You may have noticed a few weeks ago that the Press Council, toothless tiger that it is, had harsh words for the Daily Telegraph, and strongly admonished its editor for a front page deemed to be racist. That editor was Ben ‘Bogan’ English, who was one of those who followed Carroll at the Townsville Bulletin for a couple of years. And, of course, there was the disastrous Peter Typo Gleeson, who proved to be such a dud both here and when he moved on to the Gold Coast Bulletin, he was shuffled sideways onto the consolation prize of Sky, where he publicly demonstrates his squeaky dudness weekly.

Leading The Parade

There is the old American saying ‘When you’re being run out of town, get to the head of the mob and make it look like you’re leading a parade.’ That came to mind The ‘Pie read this story during the week.

Screen Shot 2020-05-08 at 10.49.18 am

Talk about the emperor’s new clothes.

The real estate agent, who virtually wrote the story, can honk on all he likes with his Pollyanna predictions about a wonderful sale pointing to greater things, but reality must intrude.

A three bedroom, two bathroom, 2 garage water front apartment with a huge private yacht berth out front going for $700,000? Less than three quarters of a mill? How a depressing knock-down price like that can be seen as anything other than the saddest commentary on the real state of the Townsville housing market is hard to fathom.

Our weekly Visit To The Land Of The Tangerine Terrorist

Screen Shot 2020-05-10 at 12.00.00 am

If nothing else, the IMPOTUS Donald Trump, has spawned a cottage industry of parodies, some just desperate flailing’s of frustration, others skilful nailing of the worst president the United States has ever endured. This one, a blistering commentary put to the music of one of the most popular songs of the past 50 years, is simply the standout of all other efforts. You’ll find yourself singing along with the chorus of the Founding Fathers version of American Pie.


And With Isolation Coming To An End …

… other reasons may force us outside.

wife singingmage003And Finally, A Prayer …

From cyberspace during the week …

Oh, God, no, oh, please God, noooooo …



Much to be talked about during the week, have your say in comments, they run 24/7. And unfortunately, blog bills didn’t go into isolation, so if you can help out with a donation, the relevant big red button is below.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.


  1. Mike Douglas says:

    Pie, as you stated , Health Minister Steven Miles mixed and inconsistent messages and leadership over Qld Health and the crazy rulings on 10 people in Pubs and Clubs (outback 20) which simple isnt worth them re-opening . You can sit on a plane next to someone for nearly 2 hrs to Brisbane, 1.5 mtrs Supermarkets , buses but only 10 people in Townsville RSL ? . Miles has a history of bungles . responsible for delivering longer waiting lists , new procurement system that resulted in hospitals having to use credit cards , the Lady Cilento $500k name change and most of the support for the poll coming from State Govt offices . Nothing worse than a woman scorned , Premier Palaszczuks response to Jackie Trad standing down over the CCC enquiry in appointment of a school principal was far from supportive and on the local front , Tel Ceo upstaging the Mullet in the Top 50 influential Townsville people . We all know what happened to Adele the Impailer when she did that .

    • Ray Fucking Purchase says:

      Lol do you really think that the influential people list was the straw that broke the camel’s back? Nonsense. The call had been made long before that, it was all arranged and had a fairly specific timeline. Does anybody other than the bulletin actually think this list every year amounts to a hill of beans?

      • The Magpie says:

        Actually, this list and the other one (50 most influential) are important in one respect… it shows the utter bankruptcy of the Bulletin’s (indeed News Ltd’s) journalism, and the contempt it has for its readers.

        • Ray Fucking Purchase says:

          I agree 100%. It’s the same unsupported blather they usually publish, in the form of a list. Little wonder circulation is continuing it’s freefall.

          • Dave of Kelso says:

            This reminds me of Christmas / New Year reader survey, in which bugger-all would participate. For weeks after there would be grandious stories about the views and values of Townsville residents about all manner of things. All rubbish due to the miniscule participation rate.

          • Insider says:

            These “lists” are just clickbait. Best burger, best tradie, best baby , best whatever…..there’s no proper process, just a cynical attempt to sell a few more papers.

          • The Magpie says:

            Hmmm … and wonder how that’s going for them?

    • NQ Gal says:

      it must have been a low bar to get on the list when a former basketball player and now councillor of 6 weeks makes it. I wonder if that has put Margie and Ann-Marie’s noses out of joint?

      • Citizen journalist wannabe says:

        I think Suzy Battycakes being a 3 time Olympic medal winning athlete might have something to do with it also….

        • The Magpie says:

          A champion athlete can bring certain qualities to being a councillor … strategic thinking, a propensity not to panic, a tendency towards plain speaking and action over endless words (and hopefully truthfullness and transparency, because you can’t hide on an Olympic arena) … so Ms Batkovic may well turn out to be a valuable surprise package, just as long as she’s smart enough to not allow her family connections to cloud her judgement. Any objection The ‘Pie had with her selection to Team Hill was aimed solely at the cynicism of Jenny Hill in opting for a punt on celebrity with tons of favourable public recognition.

          The mayor should care … it worked.

    • Alahazbin says:

      Those ‘influential’ females should all be proud that in some way they had a hand in fucking this city.

      • The Magpie says:

        That is a totally stupid, asinine and wholly unsupported comment, and not worthy of your usual valuable contribution to the dialogue here in comments. It is published only because of your long standing support for The Nest, to show that even sensible people can have an off – in this case VERY off – day.

      • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

        To be fair – the lady from CQU seems to be kicking some goals and doing her job without making waves or falling over herself – perhaps she was there as a template for what success looks like?

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Well Mike, Miles is now Deputy Premier, as well as Health Minister, so more of the same coming I expect!

  2. Ezra Pound Axe King says:

    This virus app is a complete farce. Jenny Hill won’t be the only one to refuse downloading it, though there will be all sorts of reasons. A government with Morrison and Dutton is the absolute last place I would want to be tracked by. These guys are more crooked than most and, worse, they’re far less intelligent than they think. Charlatans all. I guarantee, too, the app will not be deactivated after the virus is dealt with. No doubt they’ll find some excuse to keep monitoring us. They’ll probably link it to terrorists or boat people or one of their other political boogeymen.

    • The Magpie says:

      The ‘Pie tends to lean towards your view, and harbours a complete distrust of politicians, particularly the likes of Dutton. And even if the app in its present form is harmless enough (it’s quite possibly not but let’s pretend), there is nothing to stop it secretly remaining once the authorities have the information and to be tweaked towards other purposes. If there is one thing Donald Trump has taught us, the unimaginable is oh so very possible. Dilbert thinks so too, and explains what may happen.

      • MickNQ says:

        Pretty funny you think that considering Scott Adams is a Trump Supporter

        • The Magpie says:

          You earn the selective misread of the week, Mick. The strip was in support of The ‘Pie’s concern about possible sneaky cyber world twisting of the ‘COVIDsafe’ app in the future. The Dilbert cartoonist’s broader beliefs are irrelevant, unless we should bar all reference to Dilbert because of Adams (truly bizarre) Trump support. The Marquis de Sade is best remembered for his grossly lewd writings, which make the majority overlook that he was a philosopher of great merit, with many well argued and intelligent insights.

          In this case, Adams made a very broad and valid point which had nothing to with Trump. But it was humorous, so The ‘Pie can see your problem.

          And as for Adam’s problem, read this if you feel strongly enough about it.


    • Dutch Reverend says:

      Interesting that you would align yourself with Mullet on the COVIDSafe App because , even though it can be deleted when this is all over, and has been given the tick of approval by pretty much all IT experts that it can’t be used by government to keep track of you, the other experts that won’t download the App are geniuses such as, Barnaby Joyce and Pauline Hanson. I know which experts I’d be more inclined to pay attention to.

  3. One legged tap dancer says:

    Mike, I think you will find that TEL CEO Little Patty is either related to, or besties with a high ranking staffer at the Astonisher. They even did a photo shoot with her a few months ago wearing various fashion outfits, and in a variety of poses in local landmark locations, so they have a whole range of pics to choose from whenever she issues one of her optimistic, meaningless media releases.
    The Sly Fox of Walker Street doesn’t rate the same treatment because she doesn’t have a fashion wardrobe, just the purple and blue doonas – and she’s middle aged.
    And just a minor correction – it wasn’t a 50 Most Influential list, it was a list of Townsville’s most influential women. Men were excluded.
    I know of a couple of local women who are very pissed off that they didn’t get a mention. One is so “insulted” she is going to switch all her advertising to tv.

    • The Magpie says:

      First of all, the paper has achieved its aim of getting people to create faux controversy about their arbitrary staff pizza-and-beer round-table bull session “Hey, how about my hairdresser, she’s the best informed person I know? ‘Yeah, and my mechanic says the wife of his brother’s mate knows what really happened in the Jenny car smash” … that sort of thing. One thing is for sure, the picks would’ve been vetted and added to/deleted by the desperate advertising manager. Some omissions are glaring … where’s Carolyn McManus, for instance? At least they had the feeble attempt at credibility by excluding real estate agents. And if they were honest, they would’ve included Shari Tagliabue … a whole page of well crafted insights every week has more influence on community opinion that half the good ladies in this selection. And you can bet … unlike your probably mythical ‘insulted’ businesswomen (care to name her?) a few are probably greatly embarrassed to be listed, and agreed only to either avoid getting the paper offside or using it to further their organisation’s cause.

      And the Bulletin’s marriage breakdown with English is highlighted by the term ‘influential’. If such a list puts Patricia O’Callaghan top of the pile, the paper clearly does not understand what influential means. This wannabe fashion plate, promoted well before her time, is little more than a constantly babbling bludger on the public purse (state and council money) with second-rate ideas born of third rate analysis. Pay now, holiday later anyone?

      And they want us to take this seriously?

    • CEO of Crap says:

      The Astonishers headline was wrong. It was supposed to read “Townsville’s 50 Most Influenced Puppets”.

      • The Magpie says:

        That is just plain stupid. So whose the puppet master in your fevered little mind? Like to see someone try to manipulate many of these tough-minded and capable women. You’re name says it all.

  4. Long Neck says:

    Blind Freddy can see that thing that’s missing from Stage 1of the pipeline is the pump station. It was in the scope, design and budget, but from what I’m seeing there’s no plans to build one. All references to the station have been removed from the project information page on the council website.
    One can only assume that the rest of stage 1 is actually over budget and they have used the pump station funds to cover that… then cover it up by pushing for stage 2, when that pump station would be redundant anyway .
    The only issue with that is that the pipeline is useless until we build one or the other. So if the funding for stage 2 is pulled we need to build a pump station but there’s no money left to pay for it.

    • CEO of Crap says:

      I hear rumours of more issues. Maybe pipes not holding up real good when tested under pressure. Only a rumour but ‘smoke’ abounds.

    • Non Aligned Worker says:

      A tender was released by TCC on Friday for installation of 3.8km for stage 1 of the pipeline. I am curious what happenend to the statement that it would be all completed before Christmas 2019. Mabe delays are due to the promise of Stage 2 funding resulting in a new alignment under the Haughton River.
      It would be nice to know what has happened with this project, how much money was saved using GRP instead of concrete lined steel and where the project is to budget. After all it is being built using public funding.

      • The Magpie says:

        Hope you’re not hanging by the left one waiting for answers to all that.

      • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

        Stage 1.1 is the elements not completed stage 1 (the whole job from the Haughton Channel to Ross Dam including pump station and power upgrades).

        Despite the Munted Mullet Muppet guaranteeing water would flow (and she would walk on the water) before the March election, her mighty minions quietly removed from the Stage 1 scope small items like the actual crossing of the Haughton River, the couple of kms of pipe from the river to the pumps, the pumps themselves, and the upgrades to the Ergon power supply.

        So Stage 1 was really just a 30km pedestrian tunnel with no way water can flow. Surprisingly, the Mayor forgot all about the project and her promises in the excitement of the election.

        • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

          I meant to add:

          I will leave discussion of the supposed failings of the current pipeline stage to those a little closer to it than I.

        • The Magpie says:


          • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:


            in a state of disastrous disintegration; broken or ruined.
            “work to remove the munted footbridge—an icon of the Canterbury earthquakes—is to begin this week”

            Heard it from one of my colleagues and it fits so well.

          • The Magpie says:

            Oh, right, git it. The ‘Pie didn’t know it was from across the dutch.

  5. The Magpie says:

    The strange tale of Jenny Hill’s debt of gratitude to George Christensen.

    Here’s how it unfolded.

    This morning, we were regaled with this story in the Curious Snail.

    Bluto Christensen has absolutely no authorisation to call such an inquiry – it came as a big surprise to the government – and he certainly does not have any capacity to force anyone to appear before it, let alone a foreign ambassador. This has all the hallmarks of a News Ltd orchestration of manufactured news, which they no doubt will spin into endless tedious ‘reaction’ follow-ups.

    It is quite obvious Christensen has made this ludicrous grandstanding and ultimately empty move with the connivance of News Ltd, confirmed by ridiculous assertions such as ‘In what will create a new diplomatic flashpoint amid increasing tensions between Australia and China, Cheng Jingye will be ordered to explain why the communist nation “economically threatened” Australia before and after the coronavirus outbreak. The joint parliamentary probe – set up by federal Member for Dawson George Christensen – initially blindsided cabinet ministers, and was created without the approval of Trade Minister Simon Birmingham.
    Senator Birmingham has tread lightly with Australia’s largest trading partner, which contributes almost $200 billion worth of imports and exports”.

    This is of course total tosh, but ever careful to preserve a long run of follow-up falsities, the News story lays the groundwork for further spittle-flecked yarns, when they primly write: “While the ambassador has diplomatic immunity and can refuse to appear, it is understood Mr Christensen will unleash a backup plan to force a Chinese representative to front up.
    As early as tomorrow, Cheng will receive the official notice to appear before Federal Parliament.”

    Unleash a back up plan? Oh, purleeese! Someone’s on the turps … the Ambassador calls the shots for any public utterances made in Australia, and if he so chooses, can quite rightly tell Bluto and his mates to fluck off. So headlines for follow-up stories like ‘Yellow Peril Dodges Inquiry’ and the like are no doubt already on file, awaiting their moment in Rupert’s toxic sun.

    Christensen is a reputed philandering fat fuck who has been rogering everything in a sarong across Asia for a while now, but now he’s set his sights on a bigger canoodle … he wants to comprehensively fuck Australia. Well, he’s become a big enough prick to maybe manage the job without being a tight fit.
    And that debt of gratitude from Jenny Hill? Christensen has just bumped her from the top of list of Australia’s most pompous, posturing politicians who regularly exceed their elected station to seek self-promoting limelight.

    George has just upped the ‘uppity’ stakes to a level where Jenny just can’t compete.

    • CEO of Crap says:

      All Hail the ‘Grand-Master, Bluto Christensen’. Saviour of the Western democracy and champion of the Phillipines best dance clubs. We should name a meat pie after him.

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      I wonder if George caught any viruses during his Asian escapades? He probably downed a few Coronas along the way………

  6. I’ll be plucked says:

    We now have a Dick in charge of the Qld Treasury.

  7. Ducks Nuts says:

    Im confused, on 21 April the Courier Mail, ran a story that Kari Arbouin had accepted a redundancy package from CQU. Meaning she’s no longer employed as the Associate VC. So why is the Astonisher telling us she’s still the Associate VC?

  8. Airline says:

    VALE Little Richard

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Tooty Frutti I want a rootie – my adolescent fave!

      • The Magpie says:

        Indeed, that must be the most widespread mondegreen (miss-hearing of lyrics) in Australia when the song was released in 1955. This mis-interpretation was reinforced among the acne and Brylcream set of the day by the lyrics extolling the apparent nudge nudge wink wink permissiveness of Sue (‘She knows just what to do’) and Daisy (‘She almost drives me crazy, …. boy, you don’t know what she do to me’). Of course, this wasn’t the case in America or anywhere else for that matter, because no one else but Oz uses the term root in that sense. But there was always a sexual connection. The original song, which Richard had been singing live in venues before fame, had to be cleaned up even more for a 1955 public release, because it was about homosexual men, which were then and still are in some places referred to as ‘fruits’. The original went like this:

        Tutti Frutti, good booty
        If it’s tight, it’s all right
        And if it’s greasy, it makes it easy

        That was replaced by
        Tutti Frutti, aw rooty
        Tutti Frutti, aw rooty.

        ….’aw rooty’ being slang for ‘all right’.

        For the record, what he sang is slightly in dispute, between ‘oh, Rudy’, ‘oh rootie’ and ‘oh, rutti':
        Whop bop b-luma b-lop bam bom
        Tutti frutti, oh Rudy
        Tutti frutti, oh Rudy
        Tutti frutti, oh Rudy
        Tutti frutti, oh Rudy
        Tutti frutti, oh Rudy
        A whop bop b-luma b-lop bam bom

        No matter, we kids knew what he meant, and a few of us got our faces slapped for our trouble. Almost as often as we got a rooty.

        Here it is for your misty memories.


  9. Lady Byron says:

    To the tune of ‘My Sharona” by The Knack


    Oh my little pretty germ, my pretty germ
    When you gonna give me some bug Corona
    Oh, you make my fever run, fever run,
    Got you coming offa my lungs Corona

    Never gonna stop, give it up, such a fuzzy mind
    I always catch things fast, for a touch of the virus kind
    My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!
    M-m-m-my Corona

    So come a little closer, hun, a-will ya, hun?
    Close enough to dwell up my nose, Corona
    Keep it COVID-free, it gets to me
    Running down the length of my spine Corona

    Never gonna stop, give it up, such a fuzzy mind
    I always catch things fast, for a touch of the virus kind
    My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!
    M-m-m-my Corona

    When you gonna infect me, infect me?
    Is it just a slime of that kind Corona?
    Are you Dettol free, Dettol free?
    And just a blip in my vital signs Corona?

    Never gonna stop, give it up, such a fuzzy mind
    I always catch things fast, for a touch of the virus kind
    My, my, my, aye-aye, whoa!
    M-m-m-my Corona

    Oooooo-ohhh, my Corona
    Ooooooo-ohhh, my Corona
    Ooooooo-ohhh, my Corona

  10. London Lychee says:

    A few people who have worked on the pipeline say that the longer the wait for work to start again on it, the bigger the risk of structural issues with the already installed pipe. Settling at different rates for key connections etc. Particularly big issue with the glass pipe chosen.

    • The Magpie says:

      Why has worked stopped? Surely this essential work, and low infection risk at that.

      • CEO of Crap says:

        Goes back to the ‘rumour’ I mentioned around the glass pipes failing under pressure at joins. Something fishy going on.

        • I’ll be plucked says:

          Crap, that’s really shattering to hear old mate………

        • Not the ECQ says:

          Can someone, anyone, actually obtain something factual. There is so much bullshit about this pipeline.

          • The Magpie says:

            I know! How about we try the mayor?

          • CEO of Crap says:

            Not the ECQ – here is Factual : we are getting NO updates. TCC and MP’s are very quick to latch onto anything positive and release to the Media. The Fact that we are getting nothing tells us there is a problem. Workers on the pipeline are not going to come forward because they need their jobs.

        • Non Aligned Worker says:

          I agree, the soil used for backfilling Glass Fibre Pipe is critical to it’s performance and the local soil (spoil) dug out for the pipes trench did not come close to meeting the backfilll specifications.
          I lost contact as to what was used for backfill but if it wasn’t to the required specification then failures due to settlement could be a real issue.
          However the contractor performing the installation is resposible for their installed section.
          Could be “interesting” times ahead. Contracter Vs Supplier.

          • Cantankerous but happy says:

            I can tell you in my experience It’s never the suppliers fault, variables at point of manufacturing in a controlled environment, close to zero, variables with installation, endless. Unless a defined manufactured fault can be proven, the installer will be paying.

          • Jatzcrackers says:

            NA Worker, surely the backfill around the pipe would be river sand and the basic backfill soil. I understand that pressured pipe of any size would require sand, but am I missing something here ?

        • Professor Flood says:

          Pipes won’t fail all are pressure tested and the line is design to function at 3000 MPa working pressure and in a vacuum.

      • London Lychee says:

        Work stopped well before the pandemic. After jamming anything pipeline related down our throats for years, there’s been absolutely nothing for a long time. No work, no jobs.

        • Guy says:


          I told you water recycling was the better option

          • The Magpie says:

            Yes … incessantly.

          • Professor Flood says:

            Considering less then 15% of all of Townsville water used actually ends up in the sewerage system recycled water provides only a minor increase in capacity.

        • The Magpie says:

          Does The ‘Pie detect a massive fib-fest on the horizon? This pipeline project is starting to sound like one of the banana republic aid projects where four lane roads are built to nowhere.

          • Lord Howard Hertz says:

            I have noted in the past few days a lot of loud talk from Charters Towers and Ingham about their bat problem, and how to end it. They should count themselves lucky …. here in Townsville, punters recently voted to CONTINUE our bat problem for another four years.

        • Professor Flood says:

          Work has never stopped, the three contractors are closing out the first section of the pipe with final testing and handover documentation being completed.

          Work has started on the Haughton river crossing and tender released for the 3.8 km of pipe on the other side.

          Unfortunatley when you break up large projects into small portions to allow the work to be delivered by local contractors, it adds many months to a delivery program. Due to the additional tendering assessment and contract managment required.

  11. I’ll be plucked says:

    Trad stands down from the Ministry yesterday and today resigns from the Ministry. Yesterday she said she has no case to answer and did not interfere in the matter in question. Today Anna Lots of Letters says she has resigned.

    NOTHING to answer for??? REALLY!!

  12. lettertoalan says:

    greetings Magpie. Having worked with Mick Carroll at The Astonisher I concur with your general comments. He was a good bloke and a very good editor, with a real sense of what would resonate with readers. Watching from afar these days it certainly seems like it’s been all downhill since

  13. J Jones says:

    circulation plummets
    Advertising rates climb
    What a joke

  14. Mike Douglas says:

    David Lynch , T.C.C. economist where have you been for the last year + and your research of $530 mil hit to the Townsville economy and why come out now ?. A sceptical person might see this as laying messaging why our newly elected Mayor cant deliver projects , rates increase ?, more bad news . The Qld Government cant deliver a budget or update on the States finances is this spreading to T.C.C. ?.

  15. The Magpie says:

    This sneering, derisory headline and lovingly detailed story is going to come back and bite the Townsville Bulletin on the bum if this bloke – who clearly had mental issues – is committed to a psychiatric institution … or tops himself.

    Like the Bulletin would care, it’d be another story for them.

  16. The Wulguru Wonder says:

    The Twitter-in-Chief appears to have tipped over the edge and has actually become mentally unhinged in a Mother’s Day tweet rampage:


  17. Achilles says:

    There is a meme doing the rounds, which replicates (edits) a Nostradamus prophecy foretelling the 2020 COVID-19 coronavirus disease pandemic


  18. One legged tap dancer says:

    Now the CCC has finally nailed Tragic Jacki maybe it will have time to take a good look under Jenny Hill’s doona.

    • The Magpie says:

      A very off-putting form of words, Hopscotch.

    • CEO of Crap says:

      I don’t know One Legged. Trad does not seem even a little bit worried. If I were a betting man I would say it’s all an elaborate act to smooth over past blemishes prior to the next Election. That is, they know there’s no evidence in this, Trad will be cleared, and the LP will grandstand that all the past Finger pointing was fake news. It just looks all too easy with Trad stepping down but not resigning in full.

  19. The Stasi says:

    THANK GOODNESS A (‘a’ for?) Harpic and Private Cupcake Stewart didn’t get a portfolio in the Ministerial reshuffle. Looks like Anna P thinks their dead-weights too!

  20. Achilles says:

    Written in 1869 after an epidemic, and rep-published in 1919 after the Spanish flu.

    Very different today as the quarantined would be using so called social media and computer games.

    The days of discourse are relegated to another era…..about 1919.


    • Achilles says:

      Make that: The days of discourse are relegated to another era…..about 1969.

    • The Magpie says:

      This poem was not written by someone named Kathleen O’Mara in 1869 and then reprinted in 1919. (Side note: The “Spanish Flu” pandemic is referred to on the CDC website as the “1918 pandemic,” not the “1919 pandemic.”) This text is actually a modern-day poem written during the COVID-19 coronavirus disease pandemic by author Catherine M. O’Meara.

      O’Meara posted this poem to her blog The Daily Round on March 16, 2020. The poem went viral, racking up thousands of shares as it circulated on social media. On March 19, Oprah Magazine dubbed O’Meara, a former teacher in Madison, Wisconsin, the “poet laureate of the pandemic,” writing:

      • Achilles says:

        Just goes to show eh? check and counter check, and you can still end up, up ended. Heading to the sackcloth and ashes corner, where I shall find solace in …… none of your business.

  21. The Magpie says:

    It’s not called News Corpse for no reason. The wonderfully wacky and panicked aspect of this unique come-on is the use of the word ‘browse’, as in ‘for your reading pleasure’.

  22. Alahazbin says:

    In the Astonisher today is a DIY NAPLAN Test. I think I might have got Q4 right. “Write the numerals for sixty-nine ones”

  23. The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

    Palm Island Council has just announced the Impaler as CEO. Surely its not April 1 all over again?

    • The (Barely) Civil Engineer says:

      There is a cold, creeping feeling of dread in the corridors of Council.

      Speculation is that she is literally waiting in the wings for CEO Chiodo to shuffle off for health reasons when she will be brought back in to Townsville now that the CCC lid has been screwed down again for another four years.

      It is hard to fathom why else she would take such a drastic pay cut and go work at a basket-case council.

      • Diver Dan says:

        Adele needs a job. Palm Island need a CEO. Both stink of corruption and incompetence. Both have snagged the best they can expect to get.

      • I’ll be plucked says:

        Is Mayor Mullet so stupid as to even contemplate bringing Impaler back to the TCC? Surely not………time will tell, tic toc, tic, toc.

        • The Magpie says:

          Yeah, it’s a bit difficult to imagine, but hey, in this world of Trump and COVID-19 ….

          • CEO of Crap says:

            I think I already mentioned sometime ago that I believe Impaler is coming back to TCC. Pretty sure it is happening.

          • The Magpie says:

            Given the general tenor of your postings so far, old COC, The ‘Pie doubts that you are either pretty or sure.

        • Alahazbin says:

          It won’t be the Mullet’s decision. It will all be controlled by the ‘back room crew’

          • The Magpie says:

            Normally, The ‘Pie would rubbish that suggestion, but in political terms – specically Labor terms – Jenny Hill is a lame duck mayor in the sense that sh holds little sway with the back room boys, because she made a false public show if ditching Labor. So you may well be right … or left … or in the middle of confusion. Whatever.

  24. Alahazbin says:

    Newsflash: The Impaler has returned. Starting Thursday as CEO of Palm Island Council.
    Source: ABC NQ.

    • Guy says:

      Professor Flood

      Spending less than 20 million to get 15 % of the water back into the water system where it can be sold seems a bargain to me.

      Versus blowing 200 million and getting nothing, potentially for decades

      We MUST recycle water.

  25. Al says:

    Adelle Young going to Palm Island

  26. Chook Poker says:

    Adele Young new CEO of Palm Island Council?

  27. The Stasi says:

    Oh my farking hell! The Impaler is off to CEO Palm Is Council! No doubt she will be spending much time in The Ville and not there – FIFO anyone???

    • Critical says:

      Hope she’s got a quick get-away plan if she upsets them as they won’t put up with any bullshit from her. Look out Townsville and TCC this looks like a back door stepping stone back as CEO at TCC in a few months.

      • The Magpie says:

        When The ‘Pie first heard about this, he idly wondered if she would enlist the help of the Screaming Midget Beckett. His foul mouthed flouncing would quickly end up with a ‘belly down’ thrashing or a thigh spear, a dose of indigenous diplomacy is exactly what the little turd needs. As for madam’s appointment, sad to say most commenters here are probably on the money that this paving the way for a back-door return to TCC, which will only happen if The Mullet feels she has established her unquestioned (except here in this blog) ascendancy in Walker Street. But she’ll have to keep her nose clean over there, and that could be a tall order for an emotionally-unstable, insecure blow-hard like her.

        At least there won’t be any sneaking back in quietly if Chiodo decamps.

        • Alahazbin says:

          Pie, The screaming midget has his snout in the trough down south.
          Executive Director – Public Affairs, Partnerships & Advocacy
          Act for KidsQUT (Queensland University of Technology)

    • NQ Gal says:

      You never know, she might enjoy the facilities of the Palm Island Motel or would she qualify for one of the government employee houses over there?

  28. Pants Man Mal says:


    You’ll be keen to know that Adele the Impaler has just been appointed the new CEO of the Palm Island Council.

    I’d give it a month before she’s putting in for “sick leave”

    • The Magpie says:

      It will be interesting to watch The Impaler’s performance … appointing a proven dysfunctional to a dysfunctional island is – as they say in Yes Minister – a courageous political decision. And make no mistake, it is a political decision. There’s been a lot of anti-government sentiment being aired on Palm, whose booths can sometimes be critical in a state election. As Capt Snooze knew so well.

      • I’ll be plucked says:

        Thing is Pie, I believe you don’t have to perform if you are at, or on the Palm Is Council………Look at it’s history and you will see this is the truth!

        • The Magpie says:

          Wonder if she knows how to drive a tinny, for a bit of booze bootlegging … she’s reputedly more than fond of a drop of the hard stuff. (No don’t bother with the obvious salacious comment.)

          • Alahazbin says:

            Give her a break Pie! She is only returning to on the Astonisher Top 50 again.

        • Lord Howard Hertz says:

          But will the islanders accept her, or will they demonstrate their opposition to the appointment … that is the burning question.

          • I’ll be plucked says:

            They won’t accept her at all Hertz – whatever The Impaler has been hired to do, will be done rapidly and mostly covertly and then she will leave. Sound familiar?

  29. Old Tradesman says:

    I bet the canteen will be opened as a matter of priority.

  30. The Magpie says:

    Pretty sure this wasn’t accidental. At first it appeared that the much loved singer enjoyed …ummm … much loving during lock-down. But alas, no ….

  31. Achilles says:

    On the subject of Palm island, The BS is lauding a final compensation payment to islanders affected by the riots, by themselves.
    Adeled goes to Palm, oh! palm indeed, I’m sure she’ll help the locals invest their new found wealth.

    The TB is proudly announcing the “compensation’ payments to criminals who attacked police officers performing their duty,

    Bloody great system a local piss artist is accidentally injured coz he’s too pissed to stand, the locals led by another piss artist riot and burn down the police station.

    Attack the private residences of law abiding law enforcement officers. most lose treasured and valuable personal possessions and their careers are set back by years. NB these officers though armed never even drew their weapons.

    Of course troglodytes in the loony left infested media, crawled out from under their rock and defended the indefensible, for no other reason than BIGOTRY.

    • The Magpie says:

      Cripes, are you having a stroke, mate?

      • Not the ECQ says:

        Apparently not, Magpie. Achilles has identified a loony left infested media (somewhere) in NQ. Pretty sure it ain’t the Magpie’s Nest so I wonder where and what it is. Also, although Ms Young is loathed in these pages she and her ‘work’ have been lauded, indirectly, in Townsville, by the comfortable re-election of the Hill council that employed her to do a bit of rationalising. So its not way-out-there for Ms Young to have a reputation for ‘cleaning up’ councils and ‘getting the job done’. There’s a new mayor and council on Palm, maybe they want to put a broom through the joint, shake out some of the deadwood and smarten up the operation.

        • The Magpie says:

          Your are sadly deluded if you think Mayor Mullet was re-elected because of the faux saving (sack permanents then hire more expensive contractors) made by The Impaler while Jenny herself cowered approvingly in her office. But The ‘Pie will concede that what may have swayed many voters was Jenny being seen to sack Young, the departure was thinly disguised as sick leave – she did have an eye problem, but hardly worth the limited hoo-haa the council’s culture of secrecy would allow.

          But sure if there are callous savings to be made on Palm, Adele’s ya gal. Be interesting to know if the new mayor has been talking to the Nous crowd.

          • Achilles says:

            April 6, 2020 at 8:20 pm

            As labor generally prefers the status quo rather than progress or innovation, P’raps we’ll get the Addled one MK11?

            So There …………………….Top that Nostradamus

          • Occam's Razor says:

            Magpie, shocked as I am, I agree with you. Jenny Hill and team were returned because the majority of people thought they were doing the job of council well enough to warrant another term. Clearly that is not the view of this very parochial Cabal of contributors. I’m not sure that Ms Young’s sacking ‘swayed’ voters but it may well have helped that she wasn’t there come election time. BTW, i owe you some musings on Adani, Qantas et al.

          • The Magpie says:

            There seems to be some ambiguity in your words about agreement, Rusty Gillette, The ‘Pie sincerely hopes you are not suggesting that The ‘Pie agrees ‘Jenny Hill and team were returned because the majority of people thought they were doing the job of council well enough to warrant another term’. The ‘Pie and the ‘cabal’ is far from parochial (having a limited or narrow outlook or scope) : that would clearly apply to you and your attempts to extol non-existent virtues.
            And your convenient biased assumption in that statement clearly means you completely dismiss the widely accepted analysis that in times of crisis during an election overwhelmingly favour the incumbent. And that there was not a viable trustworthy alternative available?

            Whatever, but The ‘Pie and his apparent ‘cabal’ look forward to your promised dissembling about Adani and Qantas … you might even have a stab at the Magnis battery factory, although has mysteriously disappeared off the Mullet/Astonisher/TEL radar. Or go for gold with a defence of Mayor Mullet, wearing her LGAQ hat, extolling the virtues of Local Buy, which is exactly opposite of what the word mean in English.

  32. Mike Douglas says:

    Money for Jam . The Impailer got $200k + payout from T.C.C. ,. The bookies should be giving odds on how long she lasts and how much her payout will be from Palm Island . Then move on to the next Government stipend .

    • Achilles says:

      CEO of Crap
      April 6, 2020 at 7:04 pm

      Any money on the Impailer making a comeback?

      Send me your tea leaves, suitably wrapped in green notes.

      • CEO of Crap says:

        All these Councils are just waste water plants where they recycle crap.

      • Lithium man says:

        The Impaler is desperate. No real job since getting the arse from TCC. The $200k gift has obviously been spent, so now it’s back to working for the first two-bit dysfunctional Council who will stump up the money. In this case, it’s Palm Island. She won’t turn up at TCC. There will be riots and blood spilled on the streets. Too much damage was done. Hope the Palm Island Mayor is prepared for Adele’s endless sickies.

  33. Cantankerous but happy says:

    What now for the Astonisher Pie, no deal for News Corp to sell its regional papers so restructure the only option, maybe a combined NQ paper, 3 days a week plus Sat maybe, seems the current model is fucked.

    Would be a touch of irony that a paper that supported the Mullet and her failed policies that screwed this town ended up screwing themselves at the same time.

  34. Achilles says:

    Another sloppy piece of work by the TB, Little Patty has “big pans” sic.

    • The Magpie says:

      Gosh your cynical negative, you Heel, The Dudley Do Nothings are clearly proposing that the Townsville recovery will be led by exposure through aTV cooking show, and they’re taking the pans into their own hands. Working title: My Kitchen Fools.

    • CEO of Crap says:

      Fact Check – little pattie does has big ‘pans’.

  35. Hee Haw says:

    They have “taken matters into its own hands”? Isn’t that the exact bloody job they are there to do?

    • The Magpie says:

      Mate, it is utter meaningless tosh signalling a return to same old same old, so much for using the economic pause as a reset button. very disappointing.

    • The Magpie says:

      That’s one of the better ‘up themselves’ click bait efforts by the Astonisher. Somehow, someone believes that TEL has the power not to mention the authority to take things ‘into their own hands’. They have no such remit really … let alone ability.

  36. The Magpie says:

    Polite question – which the Astonisher has not asked.

    Won’t this project require water? And where will it come from?
    There is such a big question mark over the Haughton pipeline, the required pumping station, and the as yet unplanned or budgeted spur facility to get the water into the proposed industrial park, it would seem investors might want a few assurances before they pony up for what otherwise seems like a possible goer. Townsville would like some of those assurances too, from our transparent council who has ditched – so Mayor Mullet says – it’s culture of secrecy.

    • Old Tradesman says:

      Somebody should ask Occam’s Razor what else is in the pipeline, one answer is that it is certainly not water, however there are plenty of leaks apparently.

    • Not the ECQ says:

      It’s no wonder there’s confusion over the Haughton pipeline. Isn’t it the case that the original Stage 1 involved enlarging the agricultural channel from the weir at Clare on the Burdekin River across the plain to an enlarged pond and bigger pump station at the Haughton River – for delivery into the new pipe. Construction started. Then the Commonwealth agreed to fund Stage 2 which would cancel any changes to the channel and instead extend the pipeline all the way to the Clare weir where a new pump station would push the water all the way to the Ross River dam. This would save millions in unnecessary channel upgrades and provide a dedicated pipeline all the way without involvement in the sugar industry scheme. But if TCC has to revert now to the original (State-funded) Stage 1 it could be, as you say in the headline, a bloody expensive joke.

  37. Last Drinks says:

    Welcome back Adele. I hope “Island Time”won’t be too much of a hurdle for you to navigate. Beautiful place and some wonderful people there.

    • The Magpie says:

      And please don’t yell obscenities at them. They understandably react very badly to that sort treatment.

      • Achilles says:

        Maybe she thought it was Magnetic Island, not Palm Island.

        • The Magpie says:

          Charlie McColl can run Maggie Island without her help, thank you very much.

          • Achilles says:

            Of that there can be no doubt. I was implying that the Addled one may have had different expectations, based on her very poor attention to detail.

    • Alahazbin says:

      LD, Looks like you and one other ‘pants man’ are the only ones happy to see her back.

      • Last Drinks says:

        Has Been. Are you implying that I am a Pants Man? Not even in my salad days. Too pure for that sort of shenanigans. Presbyterians don’t do that sort of stuff.

        • The Magpie says:

          Like the majority of Nest readers and commenters … although given your chosen name, perhaps your confession would be more honest had you said ‘Not even in my salad days. Too pissed for those sort of shenanigans’.

          • Last Drinks says:

            Reminds me of an old joke I used to tell.
            Why doesn’t a Presbyterian have sex standing up?
            They are scared dancing will break out.

        • Alahazbin says:

          Sorry, LD. Not you.
          But if she happens to walk into the TCC building, there will be quite a few staff going into meltdown.
          Better get the Employee Assistance Programme up and running.

  38. George Gently says:

    Mr Townsville Magpie, are you bitter and twisted about something that is haunting you from the past? Most of your musings would suggest YES.

    • The Magpie says:

      No … well, with the exception of the great disappointment of class mate Diane Bluett rejecting my invitation on a date, circa 1959.

      But your well named George, you’re namesake is a shit detective.

  39. TheOtherGuy says:

    I did enjoy this about Trump…

  40. The Magpie says:

    And won’t the unions just love it if they do … then they’ll really have George Street by the balls – or in the Premier or Opposition leader’s case, the short and silkies, as they say in crime novels.

    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      Simply the dumbest idea ever.

      • I’ll be plucked says:

        Signing their election death warrant if this proceeds!

        • Not the ECQ says:

          Plucker and Cantankerous, times have changed, we’re in a new world order. Would you like to attempt an explanation of your position on Queensland acquiring a piece of Virgin in a language that would be understood by the leader of the opposition, you know, Deb Frecklington.

        • CEO of Crap says:

          I am no fan of Labour. However, I believe they will purchase Virgin and they will also romp in winners in the next Election,

  41. Captain Winky says:

    Nanna Anna has lost the plot. With Tradgic sidelined you would think that they would keep their heads down. But oh no, the Dick has come out swinging his pitch for Virgin. What a fucking joke. Cameron’s Dick becomes Treasurer and he is already cleaning out the vaults. All that the pposition leader ‘the Freckle’ has going for her is a nice pair of MILF boobies. That’s it! No fight in her. Our State is in a complete free fall. What’s next, John Bjelke Petersen to run in the next election??

    • NQ Gal says:

      Safe to say that the vaults were already empty before The Big Dick got anywhere near them. Pitt dug deeply into them and Tragic completed the job. The yearly treasury raids on the Defined Benefits Superannuation Scheme is another ticking time bomb. There are still tens of thousands of public servants still to reach retirement age that have access to that (particularly generous) scheme.

  42. Old Tradesman says:

    Headline in the Courier Mail, “Dick bids for Virgin”.

  43. The Magpie says:

    This is a NEWSpaper?

    Just in case your confused, today’s Astonisher front page is 80% devoted to an ad.

    Oh, well, you say philosophically, that’s just the Bully, we’ll turn the page and get some ‘news’. But no, pages two and three – traditionally regarded as the most valuable real estate in the entire publication – have also been purloined by the advertising department.

    Bugger, you think, oh, well, another turn should get us to some news. But, whoops, you old silly, wrong again …

    Now we all are familiar with the paper’s regular wrestles with ‘rithmetic, but how page 5 becomes page 3 is just another of the small math mysteries we are treated to so regularly.

    But a slight alteration to the front page would at least be honest …. delete the words ‘pregnant woman’ and insert ‘readers’.

    News Ltd cynicism at its shining best.

    • Alahazbin says:

      Pie, There is no mention of the ‘dick plan’ in today’s Astonisher, but headline on front page of the Courious Snail, with the same add taking up the 80%. Probably their methodology is that we are silly enough to buy both papers.
      What’s the use of an editor up here.

  44. The Magpie says:

    From the Match The Job To The Name File:
    Courageous gal!

  45. Centrelink Sam says:

    So Scotty from Marketing has reached out to the masses and tried to heal our souls by telling us that over 600,000 of us have lost our jobs, but the Government has our back! Really?? Earth to Scomo – how many politicians became redundant, took a salary shave or are now on Jobkeeper? I will tell you – NONE. You fucking morons have crippled the world and killed our future for years to come. The regions who have already been crippled by an inept State Government and local Councils who couldn’t run a garage sale and make a profit, have now had the final nail driven in to their coffins. Thank you Scomo. Now go and toddle off to some Hillsong singalong and sayba prayer to your God of money to look after yourself while the rest of us rot in the boondocks. There is a thing called hell – 4 more years under Jenny Hill’s reign in a post COVID society. Shoot me now.

    • The Stasi says:

      What caliber would you like us to use Centrelink? :)

    • Not the ECQ says:

      FFS Sam, who ever made a profit out of a garage sale?

    • Guy says:

      The Chinese created and spread Cv19 not scomo or other Australian politician . Given the severity of the disease and it’s relatively little known signs, symptoms and outcomes; each state formulated it’s own response for better or worse

      The most effective strategy was creating a hard international border to stop the disease flying/ sailing in and eventually creating a border between states. The disease is centred in/ around main capitals.

      Melbourne and Sydney are shaping up as the reservoirs of infection ( they always have been) . From my experience it’s the public transport system that spreads it ( it’s long been reported that buses and trains aren’t disinfected), I’ve been hit with some truly diabolical sickness in Sydney over winter.

      • The Magpie says:

        The Chinese ‘invented’ COVID-19? Hope you’ve contacted the AFP with the proof of that.

      • Cut the crap says:

        coronaviruses are naturally occurring and evolving, that’s what living things do, even viruses.

        Take time to understand that the standard and quality of life is and has been improving. Data from Oxford clearly demonstrates the long run trend.


        • Guy says:

          Its my understanding that viruses are improved on in the lab ie made more infectious as standard practice to allow scientists to study them more effectively.

          It’s been well known for quite some time the Chinese have sloppy , down right negligent safety measures / safety culture in bio labs.

          My guesses are that other horrible flus in the last 20 years or so might have literally walked out of lab.

          We probably need to start looking at historical flu samples to see if there is something unusual about them ie whole sequences of change rather than tiny changes to find the smoking gun. It might be a batch of viruses escaped the lab instead of one.

          We need to consider that these viruses may have have been deliberately released by actors unknown.

  46. Alahazbin says:

    If anyone has Q Super as their fund, I would get it out of there, quick smart. That’s where labor raid when they want some funds.

    • Ghrut says:

      Ala – you are an idiot. I bet you have a room full of toilet paper as well.

      • Alahazbin says:

        Sorry it’s behind a paywall.
        But just search “Qld Gove raids Q Super” and you will get a couple of past efforts of the financially broke government.

        • NQ Gal says:

          Treasury has been skimming profits from the Defined Benefits Scheme for years. This is separate to general QSuper that goes up and down with the stock market. Pitt was the first to raid that kitty.

          • Alahazbin says:

            NQ Gal,
            Pitt raided Ergon/Energex coffers, and told them to get the money back through electricity charges. Hence the start of higher fees etc in your bill.
            Trad took $4 billion from Q Super.
            Beattie sold off Golden Casket to Tatts lotto.
            And remember the outcry when ‘Cando’ was going to sell off the ports.

    • Critical says:

      If you’re with LGQ Superannuation suggest that you check on the current value of your superannuation as you might be surprised at the loss of your super value because of Crovid-19 and LGQ Superannuation investment strategy.

      • The Magpie says:

        Care to elaborate? Always prefer commenters to provide links and brief overviews that just bald statements that send us all on wild Google hunts.

        • Critical says:

          Financial Advisor was undertaking a review of current situation as I’m an independent retiree and found that loss in LGQ Superannuation was just over $11k per $100k account. Looks like I’ll either be looking for part time work or the having the Millennials paying for my pension sooner than I anticipate, which is the more likely as there’ll be no work for older people given the current employment situation.

          • Alacan says:

            You could have gone to cash Critical something you dont need a FA for as the asset switch on line can be easily enough done by the account holder. The drop in value of accounts in LG Super has been impactful but has occurred over many if not all Funds

            I chose after the losses in Super from GFC to never again put blind faith in brokers, FA s and the Super Fund balanced account approach .. these institutions , individuals seem to Set and forget with the mantra of “always bounce back, long term view “ etc etc. . all well and good if you are in your younger years. This time round i switched to cash in Feburary with some loss but managed to protect most of my modest holding .. and only last week started to edge a small amount back into growth assets .. toe in the murky water so to speak.

            You are right in the race for the jobs and the difficulty those that have reached the preservation age will face .. as well as the younger set i guess

            Hope you manage to rebuild any losses mate .. crucial eh for self funded retirees.

          • Guy says:

            They want to increase the super annuation contribution as this means the super funds will have more money to buy more shares – this propping up the value of existing shares bought by superannuation clients years ago.

            Superannuation companies are a ponzi scheme because the value of the older super shares bought years ago are only worth as much as newer shares need to be bought today.

            The beast is starving on 9 percent, it needs to eat more to survive.

      • Alahazbin says:

        Crits, About $6k for a $100,000 account.

    • NQ Gal says:

      Once again, the Astonisher has failed journalism 101, by not doing any research.
      The contract for the new Oasis centre has been awarded to “Townsville based” Woollam Constructions. They are not Townsville based, and a quick read of the company’s page will tell you that they only set up the branch office in 2015.

      There was only one local company short listed for this project, and they didn’t win it.

      • The Magpie says:

        And unless some daft draconian scheme is being hatched in the Mullet Swamp, that doesn’t guarantee local jobs, especially not under the thieving LGAQ ‘Local Buy’ rort.

    • Insider says:

      All the Labor haters here are making ridiculous statements about misspending of State funds.
      The Treasurer offered $200m to Virgin weeks ago on the basis of trying to save thousands of tourism and allied industry jobs. The last thing we need is a Qantas monopoly.
      QIC is independently looking at the viability of the Qld Govt joining a consortium to rescue Virgin.
      And Q Super is quite safe from “raids” by the Qld Govt due to strict governance controls.

      • The Magpie says:

        The QIC is a government instrument, which, certainly in Queensland under any government, raises questions about its independence (cf Townsville Council’s now defunct city corporation which was at the centre of the dodgy deal with Magnis battery factory nonsense.) And the $200million was to save BRISBANE jobs at the airline’s HQ, not QUEENSLAND jobs per se.

        And finally, what’s to love about Labor lately?

        • Cantankerous but happy says:

          Virgin had announced it was going to sack thousands in Brisbane anyway during its latest restructure, because running call centres and admin centres in Australia is unviable, especially in something like travel where around the clock access is expected. It will be a giant weight around the taxpayers of Qld neck if the govt does buy it, and the value to regional Qld is three fifths of fuck all, VA schedule to regional areas was a joke anyway, but Labor will spin its shit and the gullible masses will believe them.

          • The Magpie says:

            It’s been said here by another commenter that whoever buys Virgin will be buying the assets and probably the leases attached to same, not the debt and not necessarily the corporate model of operation. A new low budget entity would probably be the most sensible way to go, but trusting this government to have a hand in something financially sensible is a bloody long stretch.

      • Old Tradesman says:

        Insider, typical lack of business knowledge by Labor, why would you offer $200m to a company owned by foreigners with a loss of $7B on the books knowing full well that it would be going into administration at any second. No wonder the state finances are a mess. Daniel Andrews is the same, spend spend spend, it’s not their money after all.

      • Guy says:

        It would be cheaper to buy 200 million of tickets and give them to potential customers for FREE. They would spend more here than in airfares.

  47. Not the ECQ says:

    Mr Magpie in relation to the Haughton pipeline debacle, how come the federal member hasn’t explained why the government has welshed on the Stage2 deal? Maybe they think, like the mayor, that when the Ross River dam is standing at 78% there is no water crisis and no need to spend the extra $200m? If so then the Palaszczuk ALP government will get the kudos for Stage1 – even if it is delayed (and anyway they can blame Canberra) – just in time for the October election.

  48. Frequent flyer says:

    The Tassie premier was on the telly this week lamenting that due to COVID-19 State debt would blow out to $500 million in the June quarter. Townsville’s debt was more than $500 million BEFORE the virus hit but no worries, Jenny will just borrow a few more million to get to her target of $1 billion before she pisses off to Malta – and blame it on COVID-19.
    Regarding the return of Adele I hear the way has been cleared for her to return to TCC. The Bully editor has given an undertaking that she will NEVER AGAIN be ranked above Jenny Hill on the Most Influential list.
    Speaking of influential people, what has become of old mate Kevin Dill? All media comments about Townsville Airport of late have come from Qld Airports CEO in Brisbane, and Little Patty is doing all the meaningless talking for TEL.
    Is the Dill is too busy handing out lollies to fly in/fly out workers?

    • The Magpie says:

      One and three are both resonable observations, but The ‘Pie will guarantee that such an undertaking from the Astonisher’s editor has never been made or will be, even by some gormless newbie like the current incumbent. And there is absolutely no way you could know of such an arrangement beyond the wife of a mate’s dentist knows the Bulletin tea lady who said …etc. (Besides, the Bulletin long ago sacked the tea lady as a cost cutting measure.)

      Keep it real, FF, or go and infest FB.

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      The way has been cleared by who Virgin Flyer?

  49. The Magpie says:

    Basically says everything you need to know about both of them.

  50. Mike Douglas says:

    Aaron , Coralee , Scott are telling us the Queensland Government has to commit $200 mil to Virgin to keep jobs in Qld . What support have they put into Port Access for Qld Nickel ? . I’m no fan of Clives but they are Townsville MP,s but their energy is keeping jobs in Brisbane . If anyone has had a valuation on any local Residential properties lately you can see it is in decline again and we need large employment projects if we have any chance .

    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      Have to disagree there Mike and tired of hearing the big project mantra some keep promoting in this town. What Townsville needs is a big dose of growing up and stop acting like the small town pissants we currently are. Big projects are a nice hit but the jobs they create are variable from FIFO to some local, and anyone arriving in Townsville currently just provides someone wanting to leave the opportunity to do so, our lack of population growth proves that. What we need to do is turn Townsville into a nice place to live again, a place where people want to live, want to build a home for their families and a place where people want to retire and stay, because without that Townsville is just a roundabout, one gets on, another gets off.

  51. Queensland Aerola Linited says:

    QAL seem to have clipped Kevin Dill’s wings somewhat. Money is tight, nobody is flying which means there are hardly any passengers to gouge with car park costs and there are no planes landing so they are missing out on lots of landing fees. Maybe Dill is using his abacus and trying to find ways to make enough money to attain his bonus?

  52. Batty Boy says:

    Nice pic of Jones and Packer. Two conceited muppets, supporting each other’s agendas. Money hasn’t bought either of them good health. I find it particularly funny how Packer is a billionaire and has tapped some of the worlds hottest women yet he is still crying on the floor in a depressed heap. The world wouldn’t notice either of them if they were gone.

  53. CEO of Crap says:

    Next weeks Possible headline – “Virgin rejects Dick”

  54. I’ll be plucked says:

    Townsville Bull-shit-un reported a sensation that a body was found on the Bruce Highway close to Bowen, this morning.

    Turns out it was a ‘life-size’ sex doll!!! It wasn’t moving cos the batteries were flat. Another rubbery headline win for the crappy paper.

    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      What will be asked is why the hell the original attending officers were so fucking stupid and ignorant that they didn’t check the scene more carefully before calling it in. One would have to ask did they check for a pulse beforehand to see if the person was just unconscious, if they didn’t then why not, and if they did and couldn’t tell the difference between a dead body and a doll then we are employing someone absolute dunces in the Qld Police force.

      • I’ll be plucked says:

        Ok Tanker. BTW, wasn’t Mr Potato Head a former Qld copper? He’s now in charge of our national security.

      • Achilles says:

        Mate, I think you should remember the article was in the TB, I doubt if anyone asked the relevant questions of the officers actually involved.

  55. The Magpie says:

    A most unfortunate headline from the New Daily … it was ever thus long before the lock down.

  56. Achilles says:

    International travel “normal again”? I never felt it was ever normal nor essential 90% of the time , I can recall a time when I had platinum membership of 3 airlines simultaneously and that was in the late 20/early 21st centuries. I can honestly say that I and nearly all of the companies “frequent flyers” could have done equally as well when based in Hong Kong, Singapore or KL. The whole idea of all that travel at the drop of a hat took on a life of its own, when most issues including sales could just as easily be accomplished over the phone.

    This entire scenario is a repeat of 1929, exactly because of the same reasons, nobody could envision the golden goose shiting in its own nest. The catalyst may be the virus, but the crash and the greed and lack of contingency planning along with a totally unnecessary airline for every country, held up by artificial funding and appealing to nationalistic egos.

    Just like all those too many shipping lines of the Edwardian period, all competing too aggressively for the same dollar for exactly the same reason. Remember Titanic and quite a few other floating death traps that went down.

    History all over again prior similarities are the South Sea Bubble, so it just goes on, different causes but the same effect. Just look at the idiotic clamor to save Virgin using our taxes, fuck off. Remember the dumb 2 airline policies, both airlines died, so what?

    There is no NEED to get from most places in Oz in an hour by air when a train ride may take more hours but you will be far more productive in a high speed train than you ever will be in a baby cradle (airline seat).

  57. Kingswood says:

    Can someone please explain to me why the Astonisher has got rid of the Saturdays 2 pages of pet pictures and its history articles that my young daughter and I used to love reading together…instead today replaced with a front page teaser of a local porn actress, who then warbles on with the most purile guff…and we’re told there’s even more crappy life defining material in the online version. Trash

  58. The Magpie says:

    Well, actually, no they didn’t … well, not that The Magpie could find on the council website (as always, happy to be corrected). And the story mentions a couple of things like a freight rail line and an arts concert hall … some list! And all TOTALLY dependent on government money, no initiative apparently for private commercial investment incentives.

    OH, HANG ON A SEC … don’t tell us Mayor Mullet means this reheated, long-standing rhubarb list which appeared in the actual paper … if so, we’re in trouble because George Street hasn’t got two pennies to rub together. And BTW, how can the Landsdown ‘internal roads’ be shovel ready, when this Rosemary’s baby of a project has all sorts of approval and hurdles to still be sorted … and which is a project the state government would be unlikely to fund because it goes into ‘competition’ with the state area set aside on the more sensible Port access road.

    • Old Tradesman says:

      Pie we must remember that the first project mentioned, TEARC, because MangoCube Bailey, the failed Queensland transport minister, stated that they would not match the Federal Government funds as they thought the project didn’t stack up, well guess what, half of that Federal money has now been reallocated to the Port upgrade, how is Jenny going to finance this?

      • Spot on says:

        Exactly! Our top priority is a project that has already been determined by a business case as not viable. Not exactly top tier strategic thinking

    • Cut the crap says:

      Could be difficult to entirely blame the Mayor as it is a bulletin report so facts are optional if ever checked at all.

      Page 16 of the Building Queensland assessment said the rail line was a better way to lose money than investing in Virgin and only created 207 jobs….


      I would not like to be the person who told the mayor these details.

  59. I’ll be plucked says:

    Oh no! Reef Thai on Flinders St is permanently closing! An icon bites the dust! :(

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