The sick humour of Queensland’s Attorney-General, but it makes his attitude clear.

Townsville loses one of its best, in the same week Australia loses one of its worst …

Is a secretly funded campaign underway to unseat the Townsville Council’s conservative majority ? …

… and the Smell-O-Phone that is really on the nose – odours that identify incoming callers – no kidding, and it’s not far away.

All that, along with Bentley who is as usual in fine ‘toon, and other bits of silliness in this week’s nest.

But first, we lost a good ‘un yesterday. A real good ‘un.

The ‘Pie would like to add to the hundreds of tributes being posted for the late Bishop of Townsville Michael Putney, who succumbed to cancer early on Friday morning, passing peacefully in the Mater.  He was 67.

As a journalist , I had some fleeting contact with the bishop, who was always courteous and cheerful. The esteem and affection he attracted from just about everybody places him firmly in the pantheon of people to which this community owes so much. If for his example, if nothing else, but there was much more.

He led by that example, and held out hope to his parishioners at a time when the Catholic Church was so sadly failing its faithful.

Perhaps a statue would be the least that a grateful interdenominational community could do for this outstanding member of our city and region.

To borrow a quote from playwright John Osborne (who was talking about Queen Elizabeth), Bishop Putney was ‘ a gold tooth in a mouthful of rotten teeth’.

And this was so starkly evident during the week when another senior Catholic of a very different nature – Cardinal George Pell – gave evidence in Sydney before the inquiry into child abuse.

This pompous, calculating coward delivered a stiff and shiningly insincere apology for his treatment of one particular victim that he tried to destroy with legal lies and vicious bullying. Head down, he looked at his written statement, but would not do the upright and decent thing and look in the eye the man whose life he destroyed, despite being just three metres from him. That failure alone not only said everything you needed to know about this pea-hearted priest, but it also gave the lie to what his apology was worth, i.e. SFA.

An unconvincingly staged performance, it only added to the growing odium in which this dissembling prince of the church is held.

The Pie is a bird of no religious belief, but he knows a good man when he sees one – and he knows a rotten apple without having to taste it. Rome is welcome to this unmitigated bastard.

When George Pell departs this vale, and if the afterlife is as it is painted by the church, it is unlikely that Bishop Putney and Cardinal Pell will be bumping into each other. The cardinal will surely be bound for a place that rhymes with his name, just as assuredly Bishop Putney will be in another kinder place. Both fully deserve their separate outcomes.

Returning to the temporal realm, the smell about Pell wasn’t the only thing on the honker in past days.

Remember this from Bentley two years ago.

The Magpie had it right even back then.

Premier Campbell Newman may well have talked himself out of a job with his acceptance of an obscene 21.67% pay rise – some $67,000 extra, taking his annual pay slip to $379,160. An even bigger winner was a softly mewing opposition leader Annastacia Palaszczuk, who gets an unbelievable 34.4% , or $80,000 extra, lifting her annual salary to $310,000. Not bad pay for the gal known as the Tarago driver, named for the  vehicle in which the ALP opposition could fit comfortably, with room left over for an independent or two.

The Brisbane Bantam’s weasel words that the rises are nothing to do with him, they were recommended by an ‘independent’ tribunal happily ignored the fact that he has the numbers and the legislative power to knock back all that lovely lolly.

Bentley reckons he knows how this cash grab will be funded.

Claims that the premier is out of touch with ordinary Queenslanders prompted Astonisher columnist David Sparkes to disagree, firmly placing tongue in cheek when suggesting that Premier Newman was completely in touch with the populace, because ‘every ordinary Queenslander would love to receive a $67,000 pay rise, so they can easily relate to the decision to accept it’.   

 

On another odious government matter, is Jarrod Bleijie trying to rub salt into the wound caused by his untenable bikie laws?

The ‘Pie has noticed that on Planet Acronym, the bikie laws have been dubbed as such by the media for the very sensible reason that the official name is the ‘Vicious Lawless Association Disestablishment’ bill, or VLAD.

Now, vicious lawless association disestablishment sounds very much like an undergraduate stretch to purposely create that acronym VLAD.

Is this a snicker from our suburban conveyancing lawyer turned Attorney General?

Because the most famous Vlad in history was a right little charmer named Vlad the Impaler, who ruled Wallachia (modern day Romania) in the 15^th century.

From the Draco dynasty, Vlad was the model for Bram Stoler’s Dracula.

His favorite scare tactic was to impale his enemies on stakes, and line the roads to his palace with this grisly warning. As a tactic, it worked a right old treat.

It is recorded that thousands died in this manner. His cruelty knew know bounds. When the powerful Ottoman Empire sent four ambassadors to demand a ‘tribute’ from Vlad, he not only refused but directed that the envoys remove their turbans as a mark of respect in his presence. They refused on religious grounds, so he had the turbans literally nailed to their heads, causing terminal headaches in all four.

And throbbing headaches are the clear aim of these Queensland VLAD laws. Is Bleijie saying his laws are the figurative stakes on which he will impale transgressors? Oh, so droll, Jarrod, you old thigh-slapper, you.  The ‘Pie wouldn’t mind betting that the High Court judges who are soon to hear the challenges to these laws are busy with their whittling knives already, fashioning a sharp stake to ram right up your fascist fundament, Bleijie, old boy.

The ‘Pie hears a similar whittling operation is underway in Townsville, where he is told that a disgruntled group of ‘businessmen’ are clubbing together to create an advertising campaign aimed at unseating the conservative majority at the next council election. The ‘Pie hasn’t been able to pin down precise reasons for the alleged move, so we will have to wait for the ads to turn up.

This wouldn’t be a new tactic in our local politics. You’ll remember the effective billboard ads which showground boss Chris ‘Biffo’ Condon displayed slamming the then incumbent mayor, Tony ‘His Radiance’ Mooney. Those ads questioning the mayor’s fiscal record are credited with greatly helping to give His Radiance the heave-ho. Biffo isn’t involved in this matter as far as The ‘Pie knows, and at this stage, it is unclear what the group’s main beef is, or if it is pro-Labor. Maybe, for whatever reason, they’re just anti the current mob.

Supporting that last theory, rumours are dribbling in that a well-known and well established businessman/developer might make a run for mayor. Maybe, but The Pie wonders if a well-heeled person would be willing to take the required pay cut and stand back from decisions that may create a conflict of interest. Highly unlikely.  And no, it’s not Lozza Lancini, who spends more time out of town than in, nowadays, attending to southern contracts.

Stay tuned.

Following on last week’s series of poorly placed ads, The ‘Pie has discovered a couple of old fashioned and unintended headline goofs.

It is an axiom of the newspaper industry that good sub  editors have to have, or develop, dirty minds to catch inadvertent naughtiness, but sometimes, the innocence of the headline is sucker punched by an accompanying photograph. Like this.

Or then there’s the importance of the humble old comma.

But the nightmares really start when attribution and abbreviation come into the mix.

Well, ahem, yes … moving right along.

The ‘Pie was somewhat startled to learn recently that the next innovation with our mobile phones will be in the area of smell.

First there was the news that you can assign certain scents to regular callers, and you identify the incoming call by the scent you have assigned. And soon, people will be able to transmit their own distinctive aroma when they call. And that could lead to some interesting situations.

‘Cor blimey, what the hell is that smell of ripe bananas and garlic?’

‘Oh, that just Mayor Mullet trying to call – ignore it.’

‘Bit bloody hard in a restaurant.’

‘Could be worse, wait until you cop the week-old underwear and stale tobacco when Mongrel the Barrister calls.’

‘Oh, that’s better – Chanel No. 9 – is that Deidre McFondle calling? ‘

‘Nah, that’s Colin Edwards, he’s off to the Mardi Gras in Sydney.’

But an aspect of all this that has arrived in the USA is an app for your mobile that is linked to your morning alarm, and involves both smell and sound.

The Oscar Mayer smallgoods crowd has come up with the iPhone app and dongle which is triggered by the alarm. The sound of sizzling bacon takes over and high frequencies waves are used to release the aroma of a bacon scent capsule. Yeah, it’s true.

The possibilities of this dongling are endless. Just imagine, the crisp smell of freshly minted hundred dollar bills and the sound of them being tallied in a note counting machine would get David The Kipper Kippin up with a cheery greeting for another generous,  ratepayer-funded day.

This app could also could be used to make one arise somewhat more rapidly that normal.  The whining, rolling thunder of say Gina Rinehardt breaking wind with the appropriate accompanying fragrance would be sure to move the tardiest teenager in a flash. Anybody for that matter.

Enough now, it is away to Poseurs” Bar, where the old bird will show his chums a couple of cartoons that came his way during the week. They were uncannily close to his own experience.

….and ….