Also, while there’s been a lot lo talk lately about Townsville being used as a movie location, The ‘Pie revea.s we could be in for a full-blown horror epic, tentatively titled The Return of the Ogre of Ogden Street – starring erstwhile GM and News Ltd machete man Michael Wilkins. Yup, News Corpse answer to Peter Garrett, Wilkins could be heading back our way, but you won’t believe the job he’s said to be chasing.
The Astonisher has its own viewing horror in the form of the just released circulation figures for the past year.
And that’s not the only wrinkle in Rupert’s local ranks, in a scenario that could be called Operation Takeover Townsville.
Resident ‘toonist Bentley predicts the future and sees red, and one of Townsville’s top chef’s is on the move … but thankfully staying in Townsville, resisting the gaudy temptations of Airlie Beach.
But again, it’s been the Canberra Capers that has kept us entertained/horrified/in stitches over the past week.
Tasmaniac Jacqui Lambie
Tasmaniac Senator Jacqui Lambrain managing the tricky manoeuvre of sticking it up both ‘Cloive’ Palmer and the ‘gummint’ in one hit. Actually, in fairness, she did us an almighty favour with her obdurate stand against the government’s astoundingly vicious plans to wind back constraints on corporate financial advisers, which would all but ensure another Storm Financial down the track.
This independent streak is just the start of a mega-migraine for Wingnut’s team, but Bentley reckons that ain’t the half of it yet.
But a final comment on Tasmania’s Miss Congeniality. For all her caroming around like a pinball, Lambie now finds herself in a very interesting position of power, free from Palmer’s self-interest. It was best summed by political scientist Nick Economou in today’s SMH.
‘If Lambie is smart, well-advised and picks her issues well – staying local rather than trying to break parliament over an irrelevant issue like the burqa ban – she has a chance at joining the fine Tasmanian tradition of mavericks like Brian Harradine, Athol Townley and Bob Brown.’
Don’t know if she’s got the nous, but the three opening criteria will tell the tale. At least she’s not a creeping jesus, bible-bashing hypocrite like Harradine.
In the ‘Ville, it was a different sort of nasty numbers, as in the ones that landed for the Townsville Bulletin in the past week. That would be the solid circulation figures for the past year – as distinct from the rubbery readership numbers – and while they’re short of bringing on wrist-slitting time, the boardroom scotch must be at ebb tide in Flinders Street West.
Here’s the 2013/14 numbers for weekdays.
And the tale for Saturdays.
If The ‘Pie was paid to worry about these things, losing more than a third of weekdays and Saturdays over the past five years in a growing market is concerning enough, but when you knock off a lot of the professional pillow-plumping of schools, hotels, special events and other essentially non-readables, the Bulletin is well below 20,000 real readers on weekdays for the first time in decades, and Saturday’s well below 30,000. But look at the paid on-line subscriptions, the area supposed to be the future of the industry. That’s where the real problem lies, especially for a badly lagging News Corpse across the board. But the slapdash attitude on the website continues – this bit of embarrassing on-line idiocy graced the Bulletin site for most of Friday morning before being corrected.
Was it Operation Preserve Pythagoras?
Down on the Coast, things aren’t all that flash either, and Typo Gleeson’s dead hand continues to deftly guide the Sunday Mail on its downward spiral. But ya gotta give it to ‘em, they are good for a larf down there … the self-promotion is a real rib-tickler, especially when a wicked Magpie chum made free with a digital collage. This joint venture at reader bribery was in the GC Bulletin this morning …
… but with a little bit of digital mischief, it became this … suggesting that morning TV regular Typo provides plenty of ham year round.
And it is inescapable to indulge in a bit Freudian speculation and wonder if GC Bulletin editor Cath ‘Wobbles’ Webber dreams of ‘breakthrough’ extra curricular social activities in this possibly coded message.
That sort of leads us into this next subject …
If you’ve perchance noticed an extra spring in the strut of the small but perfectly formed Jolly John Bearne, the 67(ish) year-old chairman of the Townsville Hospital Board, it’s because The ‘Pie is told he is shortly to become a father again!!!
Which goes to prove what they say … Mr Bearne is occasionally off his rocker … indeed, off the verandah and in the house (our imagery stops there, thank you).
JB already has three adult children from his previous marriage, so one guesses he knows what he’s in for. His newly minted missus, Michelle Warrington (she’s in her early 40s, if that is at all relevant), have been a number ever since they both worked at TEL. Keeping it in the family seems to be a tradition, as Michelle works at the hospital where JB is board chairman – she is a highly qualified numbers cruncher who earns $120,000 p.a. for her undoubted expertise. Just to be clear; the then Ms Warrington was already employed by Queensland Health before JB became chairman, she applied internally for the new position, and the selection was made on the merit of Ms Warrington’s qualifications – JB and the board had nothing to do with selection process.
You can bet our lovebirds will be sweating on Wingnut Abbott’s Paid Parental Leave Scheme getting up in the right timeframe for them – otherwise lean times could loom, what with another mouth to feed and an almost new Jag to keep serviced and fuelled. Really, here is a prime example of the crying need for the PPLS, to ensure that the wolf is kept from the door … of course, the taxpayer wouldn’t be imposted in this way if the wolf had been kept from the BEDROOM door in the first place.
But good luck to you both, the advent of a child is always an occasion for renewed faith in the future – there will no doubt be many a jolly Bearne family Christmas ahead, with such a great range of presents under the tree, from trikes with trainer wheels to walking frames.
Oh, and one last note of advice, Johnboy, from one who has good reason to know. Just keep an eye on the clock while you are with your wife during labour and the eventual happy arrival, and urge her to get on with it in a businesslike fashion … if it goes on too long, those hospital car parking fees can cost you a motza, and that would be a real downer. As so many others of us have already found out.
Perhaps even more intriguing than the thought of Bearne burping the bub is the conspiracy theory that surfaced during the week, involving the most unlikely cast. But this is a bit different albeit suitably alarming, as it could to amount to a corporate takeover of Townsville, no less.
From an informed source.
Remember the shining insincerity of this smile?
Michael ‘The Ogre of Ogden Street’ Wilkins was back in town for a visit a while back and was overheard to say that he would be interested in the TEL CEO’s job, going so far to modestly suggest he’d be exactly right for the position. (Why? He didn’t exactly do Townsville any favours when he sacked a third of News Ltd’s local workforce, to give hitherto local work to his brainchild of sub-editing ‘hubs’ in Brisbane, NZ and Mumbai. And then would not allow the sackings to be reported in the paper). By coincidence, none other than Astonisher iditor Lachlan ‘Pinocchio Heywood surmised that he, too, would be a good fit for CEO gig at the Dudley Do Nothings down at Wishing Well House. Both no doubt are laughing up their sleeves at the patsies on the Townsville Council, giving ratepayer money to fund a $240K package for the TEL CEO job. Neither would be getting anywhere near that in their current positions.
And in a further development (the info is pretty solid here) the Astonisher’s marketing boss Lewis Ramsay looks like having a dip at the Cowboys top job, recently vacated by Peter Jourdain – (What, hang on!! That would be swapping working with one cowboy outfit to working another cowboy outfit. Ironyman award, someone.) Mr Ramsay was the front-runner … indeed had it in the bag – for TEL CEO last time around before John Bearne and co knifed him and shoehorned Kippin into the position with indecent haste.
Now, it is understood that spurning a well-paid position with News Corpse is fraught with all sorts of retaliatory danger, and now Lachy is on Rupert’s NY hob-nob list, he’s unlikely to do more than dream.
But hang on a sec, here comes the conspiracy theory. Let’s say The Ogre gets the TEL job, Pinocchio Heywood stays where he is, and Ramsay goes to the Cowboys.
The alarm bells start ringing. A failing paper albeit a monopoly, sorely needs manipulative help to continue on its still lucrative gouging way. And take it from someone who knows … you can take the boys out of News, but you can’t take News out of the boys, so here we would have a naked conga line of mutual gratifers , daisy-chaining their was through the local economy, bullying the community through the paper with their local priorities and local aspirations, with not a single nay-saying voice allowed in. If you think the current boosterism for the super stadium is lop-sided, it would be nothing if the above scenario came to pass.
Can’t understand why Tony Raggatt’s story about likely TEL candidates in today Astonisher didn’t alert us to these possible moves.
One to watch, but remember – heh heh heh – if this comes to pass, you read it here first, and if it doesn’t come to pass, it could be BECAUSE you read it here first.
Finally, in the Close Call Department, one of Townsville’s better chefs, Damien Tosh of Ciabatta at Fairfield Waters, has itchy feet, and could be tilting his toque towards a CBD venture. Damien, whose career The ‘Pie has followed with interest for more than a decade now since he was an impressive apprentice at Michels, said he looked around down at Airlie Beach but didn’t like what he saw of the industry there, so has decided to stay in Townsville. There will be a ready audience if and when he moves back closer to town. We’ll watch with interest.
And no, to the japster who suggested The ‘Pie writes about certain restaurants to get a free feed. The Pie would like to think if he was doing so for commercial reasons, his price would be somewhat higher than that, and there won’t be any free Tosh nosh … it always costs dosh. As it should.
Enough now, it is away to Poseurs’ Bar, to console a crestfallen Mongrel the Barrister. His injured self-esteem is still smarting from his recent experience at the gym. Although aging less than gracefully, Mongrel still has more front than The Strand when it comes to the comely lasses. When he recently spied an attractive young lady coming into the gym, he asked his trainer which machine he could best use to impress the gal with. His (now ex) trainer slowly looked him up and down, then suggested ‘ Probably the ATM in the foyer.’
