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The Magpie

Sunday, March 6th, 2022   |   152 comments

Unplugged: Townsville Council’s  Public EV Charging Sites Are A Joke … But No One’s Laughing

There’s been an avalanche of protest and derision, widespread on social media,  with the council’s inability to set-up and maintain three (yes, just three) electric vehicle charging sites around the city … and it’s all beset with bureaucratic and mayoral indifference. But why didn’t they get a simple thing right in the first place?

Another withering blast from the Division 10 flame thrower, Clr Fran O’Callaghan.  This time she takes on the mayor and council’s grandstanding futurist posturing at the expense of doing something NOW.

If this keeps up, Townsville business identity Chris Condon will chalk up more wins than Winx. As it is, it stands at Condon 9 – inept coppers 0. This time it’s the Feds that have been forced to back off. The Magpie wonders what the hell is really going on.

And The ‘Pie, impressed with economist Colin Dwyer’s scientific analysis of our future prosperity based on the number of cranes on the skyline, has come up with a even more infallible measure.

Brief commercial break: If you can help with a donation to assist with overheads associated with this weekly alternative voice for Townsville, it will be as appreciated as it is needed. The appropriate button is at the end of the blog. Thanks.

Now, let’s get into it.

First, A Moment …


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Much has been and will be said elsewhere, but we have lost two of our most uplifting and beloved sportsmen this week, first Rod Marsh, at 74, and now Shane Warne, the latter really taking the wind out of our sails because of his age. He was just 52. Both victims of heart attacks.

Others across the globe are having their generous say, but The Magpie just adds his individual thanks to both for the memories – there are so many of them –  and the Aussie larrikinism we all loved.

Vale Marshy, Vale Warney.

Ukraine: We Should Recycle An Old Aussie Tourism Slogan And Ask: Where The Bloody Hell Are You, World?

The Magpie probably isn’t the only one wondering if the ‘let’s watch and wait’ policy of an outraged world is the right one. Surely the global community, with only a half dozen pariahs at most (including India) could be doing more than just watch this devastation, which shows all the hallmarks of possibly being the first domino?

But do like what? The ‘Pie’s got nothing responsible or informed to suggest – it just seems wrong to just be watching,  and the long game of sanctions may work, but at what human cost?

The sanctions widely announced is just like warning playground bully Putin that they’ll take away his pocket money and won’t let him play on any teams if he doesn’t stop his inexcusable violent behaviour. And here in Oz, we should be holding our breath, because in this day and age, the tyranny of distance that has so long been Australia’s shield is no longer the deterrent it once was. Watch China closely, as it watches the Ukraine expedition closely.

By and large, there is a widespread support for Canberra’s gestures regarding supplying arms and head-of-the-queue refugee arrangement, but when things deteriorate further –  Putin won’t be  taking his bat and ball and going home anytime soon – what then for us?

A frustrated Bentley is unimpressed with our prime minister’s election campaign posturing mixed into all this.

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And while they say truth is the first casualty of war, modern technology may well have changed that for the better. But what hasn’t changed is the subversive use of humour as a propaganda tool. Like this re-heated one doing the rounds this weekend.

“Vladimir Putin, to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids.He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people.

At the end of the talk there is a section for questions.

Little Sasha puts her hand up and says, “I have two questions. Why did the Russians take Crimea and why are we sending troops to the Ukraine?”

Putin says, “Good questions”. But just as he is about to answer the bell goes and the kids go to lunch.

When they come back, they sit down and there is room for some more questions.

Another girl, Misha, puts her hand up and says “I have four questions. Why did the Russians invade Crimea, why are we sending troops to the Ukraine, why did the bell go 20 minutes early and where the fuck is Sasha?”

There seem to be reliable reports coming that Putin is slowly realising he has blundered in taking on the world, and severely underestimated two things: the global unity in applying crippling sanctions, and more significantly, the inspiring courage of the average Ukrainian on the face of what should have been overwhelming odds – Putin  is reported to be hunkered down in a bunker (probably modelled on Trump’s favourite spot under the White House) working on his next move. The deep concern is that one of the most dangerous creatures on earth is a wounded bear.

One fears that there will no room for even grim humour before this is over.


But now, back to our usual stamping ground, the local scene.

Townsville Council’s Battery Hens More Like Headless Chooks


Our strutting peahen of a mayor who wants to build a cutting edge battery factory at her Eco Hub In The Scrub, Lansdowne, might instil more confidence if she could manage to get a much-ballyhooed simple straightforward project to work first. As The ‘Pie understands it, the TCC operates three electric vehicle (EV) charging stations around the city, one on The Strand, one on Palmer Street and one at Riverway. Or more accurately, doesn’t operate.  They have been plagued by unidentified problems in the machinery itself, and a bumbling, unpoliced matter of inadequate signage.  Would be users on line have reported that one of the site’s has never worked from day one … they didn’t specify which one. Illegally parked vehicles regularly block access – the spots at the rechargers are for EVs only AND only when they’re charging – and there doesn’t seem to have been any policing of this aspect.

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The comments tell the story.

Screen Shot 2022-03-05 at 5.59.07 pm Screen Shot 2022-03-05 at 5.59.49 pm Screen Shot 2022-03-05 at 6.01.16 pm Screen Shot 2022-03-05 at 6.01.16 pmThis Palmer Street pic is outside a local new brewery, one where this council couldn’t even organise a piss-up.

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Meanwhile, Down In Rocky ….

Comparisons may be odious, but the pong from our council is emphasised when we look southwards. Fresh from opening a new multi-million dollar art gallery (managed by a Townsville art figure Johnathan McBurnie, for whom our mayor had little time), we get this news during the week from IQ Industry Queensland’s site.

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Now the interesting thing here is that last line. This whole concept was put forward sometime in 2019, and was set to start within a year until COVID caused problems of both supply and manpower. But now, it has been confidently announced construction and installation will start within three weeks – so basically three (albeit difficult) years from ‘on-your-marks’ to ‘go’.

Different concept entirely to any of the unicorn waffle we’ve been subjected to by Magnis and the mayor, but Rocky seems to have solid and sensible leadership – a brand new job-creating facility, while we’ve got some marker pegs with yellow ribbons in the scrub and a Magnis chairman now under investigation for a consulting fee rort, as reported in the Australian this week. This excerpt from the latest Australian probe in magnis chairman Frank Poullas.

The (ASX) letter to Magnis identified trading in its shares between March 1, 2020 and July 16, 2020. It requires Magnis to hand over all documents “relating to ASX announcements … dated 4 March 2020, 19 May 2020 and 30 June 2020”. It was on those dates that Magnis disclosed its chairman, Frank Poullas, had purchased about 750,000 shares at around 70.7c per share.

The letter reveals the extent of ASIC’s interest in the company, detailing additional requests for “all communications (including communications internal or external to Magnis) to, copied to, or from Poullas during the relevant period” and for all agreements, contracts, accounts, invoiced and receipts related to Strong Solutions, a company linked to Mr Poullas.

Strong Solutions billed Magnis $171,791 for consulting fees and the purchase of protective equipment in the six months to December 31, 2020. Accounts filed in October for the year to June 30 show Strong Solutions was charging Magnis $1000 in consulting fees for every business day on top of Mr Poullas’s $120,000 salary.

This saw payments to Strong Solutions over 12 months climb to $208,000 – well above the prior year’s $124,000 bill.

While several Magnis directors raised concerns with the company’s deal with Strong Solutions, they were unable to access copies of the contracts signed by the two businesses.

Magnis has boasted a high-profile board in recent years, including former Macquarie executive Warwick Smith, ex-NSW deputy premier Troy Grant and Pillsbury Winthrop Shaw Pittman partner Mona Dajani – although directors have abruptly left the company.

An internal audit report prepared by former Magnis chief financial officer Leslie Hoskin, as reported by The Australian in November, shows concerns about the payments flowing to Strong Solutions. The report, handed to Mr Poullas in early 2020, notes Strong Solutions was billing Magnis $4500 a month. It warns Mr Poullas was charging Magnis his consulting fee with “no independent oversight of this fee or oversight of work undertaken”.

But our Jenny, who seems to think Due Diligence is the favourite in race 8 at Doomben, i still whistling to the clouds and drawing figures eights in the dust with her toe.  But hey, that is not to say that Brand Hill isn’t out there with her own good news.

Screen Shot 2022-03-05 at 1.28.08 pmSo Rocky gets an art gallery and a tech facility and we get a repaired boardwalk. Which of course we should get but one wonders if Mayor Mullet is so desperate for some positive publicity, she jumps on this minor but worthy project on get her pic in the paper. In normal times, this would be the opportunity for the local divisional drone, whoever that is, to pick up some profile crumbs, but like a Trump elbow at a photo op, our Mullet is there front and centre instead.

Maybe Retirement To Palazzo Solazzo, Her Ancestral Family Home On Malta, Is Looking Increasingly Like An Attractive Option

For the first time in her tenure on the council, Jenny is copping some real heat, and people are starting to take notice. And she is being singed from one place only … the flamethrower from Division 10, Clr Fran O’Callaghan.

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Fran regularly posts some home truths on FB, most of which are being more and more widely circulated … including regular airings here in The Nest. And why not, she says many things more eloquently than The ‘Pie on a variety of subjects he has had trouble articulating.  Here’ some excellent common sense from this week that goes right to the heart of a major problem with this fractured council.

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Reckon Mayor Mullet is in danger of soiling her dainties every time a missive from Cyclone Fran hits the in-box.

Hey, Psst, Wanna Know What The Bulletin’s Readership Is?

Well, stiff fromage, mon amis, it seems that such classified secret information is no longer for the scruffy likes of you et moi.

As you will know, for the past few years … 12 to be precise … The Magpie has quarterly or bi-annually tracked the fortunes of the Bulletin’s circulation and readership. Reasonable enough information for our paper of record and our only print media in which to advertise.

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But it seems a while back our favourite pickled walnut decided he didn’t like not controlling the independent and respected statistics being supplied by the Roy Morgan people, so he and a few like-minded media chums invented Enhanced Media Metrics Australia  (EMMA) – with many in the industry believing the key word being Enhanced. The results were from day one completely risible. EMMA’s guff was so far more flattering and self-serving that the Roy Morgan groups continued reliable report, that the whole media buying industry didn’t … well, almost literally, didn’t buy it. The ludicrously hyped figures were seen as a joke from the outset … an expensive joke at that, because EMMA’s stats were the basis for the various publications’ advertising rate cards. Then a few years ago, all the MS publications, led again by News, decided to stop revealing circulation figures altogether (circulation is papers printed – figures that couldn’t be fudged on legal penalty – as versus readership which involve survey samples). One of the reasons for this was the hilarious disparity between circulation and readership … just one example was that simple maths between the two sets of figures had EMMA insisting the eight separate people read every single printed issue of the Bulletin. Hah, they fuckin’ wished.

The EMMA farce continued in a somewhat watered down form, before the industry returned to the more reliable and trusted Roy Morgan figures. Then in April last year, this:

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So Roy Morgan  is now effectively in the News Ltd fold, working exclusively for the media barons jointly owned company ThinkNewBrands. And thus, here’s the kicker … the Roy Morgan results are no longer available to anyone but Big Media. On inquiry this week about the availability of regional figures, The ‘Pie was told politely  by the Roy Morgan people that that information could now only come from ThinkNewsBrands. And a request there has  met with a stony silence so far.

Then The ‘Pie saw this mystifying load of old guano.

It was immediately apparent that the Roy Morgan people hadn’t sold out, but that their information was now subject to selective and plain old bullshit interpretation. So The ‘Pie posted this comment to ThinkNewsBrands:

Genuine two questions, not snarking.

Re news platform readership, done over a four week period by the unquestionably solid Roy Morgan group:  Do we divide the 20.4 million by 4 to get the weekly average , and if yes, how do we reach a misleading stat of 97% of Australians consuming news in a four week period? Wouldn’t that be 5.1 million per week, and the same readership just multiplied by 4 over a month? Secondly, if the overall figure is 20.4M and the digital readership is 19.3M, are to conclude there is a newspaper readership of only 1.1M per month, which divided by 4, is 275,000 hard copy readers?  Surely that cannot be right, or is it that my maths that are wrong, or should the relevant company be rebranded Think New Maths??

So it appears we are further in the thrall of juggernaut business interests which put greed and profits ahead of everything else … like accurate reporting of news and fair dealing. And sub-editors.

Of Sails, ‘N’ Cranes And Other Magic Stuff

You may recall a couple of weeks ago that the Adjunct Poodle, the Astonisher’s  go-to honker for cheery economic bullshit, Col Dwyer, decided things were hunky dory for Townsville’s business outlook because he counted the cranes around town and gosh – was it eight, or was it nine – it could only mean happy days are here again. Now Col is a nice bloke, and as far as The ‘Pie knows, he is just spinning out old information more than once for a nice little earner. His effort of last month was eerily like the information he supplied for this story in 2019.

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But even if it was originally his information recycled, it is far from his original idea … ‘crane count economics’ started in Sydney in the 1950s, and has bobbed up all over the place when journos and would-be economists are bored with doing the hard sums for accurate information and opt for lazy fuzzy nonsense like this.

But surely  our newly minted adjunct professor could  come up with a bit of variety. So, here Col, let The ‘Pie help out

The Townsville Yacht Club has long held a popular mid-week twilight sail ion Wednesday evenings, where the well heeled rub protective pontoons with grotty yachty types.

And The Magpie has long believed the number of yachts out for Wednesday’s informal regatta off the Strand is just a variation of the Adjunct Pet Poodle’s deeply academic observation (known in acadil and boofademic circles as the Dwyer Dichotomy) about cranes indicating the health of the local economy. The formula is simple, so please try out The Magpie’s Matrix and see if he’s wrong … it works exactly like Crane  Connection .

Between 5 and 25 yachts out = economy tanking, getting worse

Between 5 and 25 yachts out = economy improving, getting better

Between 5 and 25 yachts out = no change to the economy – race you back to the bar?

Mind you, might not be much room at the bar … it will be full of cashed up crane drivers knocking back a Moet or two after a hard day building the metropolis.

Believe The Science , The Media Keep Telling Us – Not That They Themselves Do

It’s a rare day The ‘Pie takes up the cudgel of indignation to defend Anna Palaszczuk, but today be it. This caught the eye a few days ago.

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The Courier makes no secret it has been ordered from HQ to go after the premier on all fronts, and they’ve done a pretty comprehensive and reasonable job on the integrity issue. But on the above matter, it all went askew.

Science, in the form of meteorologists, informed the Premier a possibly deadly storm was in the offing one afternoon, on top of the already disastrous flooding . So the Premier wisely chose not to gamble with the life and limb of people – especially kids – and closed schools early and advised parents to pick up their kids ahead of the storm for their safety.

The storm didn’t eventuate, but suddenly, that was Anna Palaszczuk’s fault, with the media insisting an apology was due to the parents, who had to leave the third glass of chardy at the Ladies Who Lurch luncheon to pick up their little shits before time. Palaszczuk did apologise for the inconvenience (the ‘Pie really wished she hadn’t) but not for taking the cautionary action. The media, especially the Courier, went ape shit, for not getting the level and type of grovel they were demanding.

Now, Ms Palaszczuk, you rightly refused to apologise for being cautious with citizens’ well being, and good for you, said you’d do it again, but you didn’t say what you probably wanted to say  to the media conference so allow The Magpie … fuck off, you pack of dreary disgraceful bobbleheads amoebas. But before you do, ring Rupert and ask what she should’ve done.


Chris Condon: Is It A Police Vendetta, Or Police Incompetence? Or A Bit Of Both?

The saga of Chris Condon and The Coppers is running longer than Blue Hills, but even Gwen Meredith, the prolific author of Australia’s longest running radio serial, could never have come up with some of the inane twists in this story.

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The latest chapter closed this week, with this time no less than AFP running up the white flag and dropping proposed charges against the showground boss for some false grass about financial flapdoodle. By The ‘Pie’s count, that makes it around Condon 9 Wallopers 0.

Now let’s be clear here, The ’Pie holds no brief for Condon, whom he has only ever spoken to at the courts or the occasional clarifying phone call, over the years and has never socialised with him (why would The ‘Pie , who is told Condon doesn’t drink?). And if he is ever proven to have committed the gazillion things he’s supposed to have masterminded, The Magpie will be first cab of the rank to stick in a dainty boot.  But what The ‘Pie does hold a brief for is the proper process of law, and that appears to The ‘Pie to sometimes have not been not applied to Condon.

Every barfly around Townsville has a Chris Condon story, but on closer interrogations, turns to be his sister’s boyfriend’s aunty – who knows people – swears by it … it being anything from morganising the Myall Massacre to honking his nose in the shower. But a former union enforcer is going to attract that sort of fandom.

After one acquittal, Condon was adamant that a senior police officer – now departed the city some years ago – was waging a vendetta against him for reasons Condon never explained to me. And as time went by, it was hard to dismiss his claim out of hand.

One matter really was disgraceful, a complete clusterfuck start to finish, and if it was obvious to the ‘Pie and other reporters, it surely must have been to the fat wallets at the Bar. He was charged with grievous bodily harm for slapping – yes, slapping as seen on video – a very dodgy bloke who later proved to be out after some easy money and disappeared overseas. Condon said the bloke was trespassing on showground property, and had become aggressive. Everything was wrong about this trial, from Condon’s weird choice of barrister who was the Police Union’s regular go-to mouthpiece in all sorts of matters, to the fact that Condon was tried in Townsville at all, given his notoriety,  deserved or otherwise around the place. The ‘Pie will never forget the unmistakable look of surprise on the judge’s face when the guilty verdict was handed up.

Anyway, long story short, the conviction was quashed on appeal, and a new trial ordered (in Mackay) which never happened because the prosecution folded and withdrew the charge.

Time and again, matters arrived before various beaks … or in several cases, never even made it to court … but the  charges were generously aired in the media, offering all the reputational damage that such exposure allows. In the run of things, they were all penny ante stuff … a rifle in a car … once the car itself, if I remember correctly … The ‘Pie suspects at least two police prosecutors ran dead on a couple Condon matters, because they appeared unhappy with the briefs they’d been handed.

And it is a matter of speculation what sort secret squirrel whispers the AFP were slipped for them to go in boots and all on the rumours of some sort of financial rort involving government grants or something like that, The ‘Pie couldn’t get too excited about whatever it was.

When society hands over extraordinary powers to police, the least that can be expected is that those powers are carefully used and never abused. The track record against Condon makes one wonder – what the hell has really been going on?

Biden: His Time?

Are these the days that Joe Biden will turn around his tanking approval figures, and appear a steady hand as he guides his country through the dangerous waters roiled up by Putin? Whether that happens is yet to be played out, and if early indications are true that Putin is realising the enormity of his inexcusable invasion of the Ukraine, Biden could get the fillip he desperately needs by being a stedy, cautious president . Also working for him is the shuddering thought of what may have happened had the Mobster President and Putin puppet still be in the White House. in.  The fact that he was elected mainly because he wasn’t Trump may well work him in his second year in office. Commentators are divided.

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Just So You Know, Ongar Is A Town In Essex, England

Whenever this blog inadvertently approaches that dangerous planet of The Pun, with its irresistible gravitational pull into Dad-joke dorkdom,  The ‘Pie immediately becomes wary and apprehensive. Not that a good pun isn’t sometimes clever, but it’s just that many aren’t … well, their just not very punny – and wasn’t that inevitable. Moreover, and this is the real underlying fear …. It brings out the worst in people, (German puns are the wurst) who dredge back through their non-erasable store of dad jokes and decide to generously share in this blog’s comment section. But what can be a delight is a newspaper headline that combines a pun with a spoonerism. Here’s a nice little laugh (or groan) from The British Guardian, with the great headline as punchline.

In the list of odd events such as the world worm-charming championships, the world wife-carrying championships and chess boxing, we should never forget the UK Pun Championships, won last week by Richard Pulsford. A good pun should be truly groanworthy and Mr Pulsford acquits himself honourably on that front: “I used to work in a lighthouse – I still get flashbacks”; “Doorbells. You can’t knock ’em”; “Rocket countdowns? Don’t get me started.” Yes, I admit it – I’m a sucker for puns. And a special mention must go to another competitor, Chris Norton-Walker: “If you’re going to walk 10,000 miles, wear the correct footwear and consult a doctor. The Disclaimers.”

My all-time favourite appeared in a local Essex newspaper, decrying a crisis in the county’s libraries: “Book lack in Ongar”. John Osborne must be turning in his grave.

Indeed, enough to make Mr Osborne wish he never were born.


That’s it for this week, see you in comments the rest of the time. That donate button is below if you’ve a mind.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.


  1. Achilles says:

    Mr Osborn was from Down Under.

    • The Magpie says:

      The ‘Pie will assume that’s an attempt at a pun or just some sort of chortle about being dead. If any person could be further from being an Aussie, Osborne, brilliance and all, would be head of the queue. Sorry, what’s that? oh .. err .. ummm
      Orright, orright, The ‘Pie’s a bit slow looking after the aftermath of blog reaction on a Sunday morning … Os-borne as in Oz-borne. Ok, ok, got it now.

  2. Mike Douglas says:

    Team Hills failues “keep on keeping on ” how hard is it to place 3 public EV charges
    around a City ? . Just got my second lot of rates notices in the mail because Council doesnt know whose rate notices went up in smoke . Any word on compensation for Council for these costs . Ratepayers should be very afraid when Mayor Hill says ” we will go it alone on Lansdown if we cant get funding ” . Look who ended up with $79 mil in costs when the State Government ” went alone on Haughton stage 2 ” and by the way only half the States $ was in this years budget . How did the Counsellors vote to accept a further $79 mil Council debt when our 3 local MP,s should have pushed for the State to accept the $195 mil from the Feds . Labor Mayor and 3 local MP,s played the political game and ratepayers lost .

  3. Bentley says:

    A million dollars for about 300 metres of decking? Must span a creek.

    • Jatzcrackers says:

      100% Bentley, but those gold plated screws can be expensive. Sort of like the screws the Mullet has been giving Townsville ratepayers over the years !

  4. Alfred E Newman says:

    Got my rates notice Friday.
    With recent tax notices there have been a break down of how many cents in each tax dollar goes what expenditure, e.g. welfare, defence, education etc.
    I would like to see the same from the TCC but I expect it would be commercial-in-confidence.

    • Prince Rollmop says:

      The EV stations are doomed to fail. You can’t even drive into a petrol station in this town and use an air tyre pump as they are always vandalised or the nozzles have been stolen. These EV charging stations are a nightmare waiting to happen. Not to mention the ‘I couldn’t care less’ ignorant fucks who will continue to park in the spaces reserved for those who need to use the battery charging stations. A system such as this will work well in Korea, Singapore and Japan, but fucking Townsville with all of its bored and untouchable youth criminals?? Get used to those ‘out of service’ signs peeps.

      • Peewee Herman says:

        At the very least TCC could take the lead of other cities and paint the parking spaces green and warn that it is a traffic offence to park in the spaces without charging (both ICE and EV’s). Vandalism is the least of the problems with them, it’s mostly down to poor servicing and sheer ineptness.

      • Critical says:

        Don’t just blame young people for parking in front of the chargers, breaking tyre pressure gauges etc. Plenty of lazy can’t give a f**k Townsville bogan adults do the same. Just look at how many can’t read a disability parking sign either on a post, the car parking bay surface or both and still park there and if you say anything to them, you’re probably going to get a mouthful of abuse, they find out how to run very quickly or in some instances get told it’s their land followed by abuse.

      • Mick says:

        And it is only a $50.00 fine if penalised for parking in a recharging station.

    • Westie says:

      You will find what you want (in arrears) in the Council’s annual report. https://www.townsville.qld.gov.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0033/129588/Annual-Report-2020-21-_WEB-Final.pdf

  5. Feedback Invited says:

    Queensland Health has invited feedback on a proposed Edmonton purpose built 10 bed youth and other drug centre for 3 month stays by youths aged between 13 and 18 years old. Submissions:
    AOD email hidden; JavaScript is required

    • Alfred E Newman says:

      The link sends me straight to an email for me to complete and send. If you can please provide a link that describes the nature of this (presumably) taxpayer funded rest centre for criminal snots.

      • Feedback Invited says:

        Alfred- “The youth AOD centre will share in a $51m funding allocation with similar facilities in Bundaberg and Ipswich. Queensland Health has invited community feedback on the proposed centre which can be submitted by emailing email hidden; JavaScript is required
        (“It’s scary: Cairns residents react to new youth drug rehab plans” Cairns Post 5/3/22)

        The front page of today’s TB: “Youth in High Need – Push for dedicated rehabilitation facility in the North. Special Report pages 4-5″ makes no mention of the proposed Edmonton centre.

        • Feedback Invited says:

          Considering the continued denial by our three, heads in the sand MP’s that there is a youth crime crisis, where do they stand on the push in today’s TB that a dedicated youth drug and alcohol rehabilitation facility be built here in Townsville and will Townsville residents be consulted?

  6. Achilles says:

    About those dud electric car chargers, can anybody advise were there any made in ******* country tabs?

    Did they just fail or have they been vandalised?

    Were they installed by TCC or a contractor, if a contractor was it a local or from out of town?? If by a contractor there should be a Warranty period and a condition of award of contract that a reasonable set of spares to be held and also suitably trained technicians on call.

    You’d expect that they would have a set of spares or preferably a whole spare unit that could be installed while the defective unit was being repaired,

  7. Prince Rollmop says:

    Fran is simply fantastic. Talk about smart. She pisses all over the other deadbeat Councillors when it comes to who leads in the ‘smart stakes’. One would think Fran has studied local government for decades. She knows how to pull apart bullshit reports, statements and policies and show them for the they really are – pure bullshit. And as long as Nous Ralston is at the helm of TCC there won’t be any job creation locally because he is all about downsizing and slicing and dicing, not growing the region.

    • Blunderbus says:

      And jobs and contracts for mates. Fran is spot on – the corporate plan is ludicrous and that is a direct reflection on the “capabilities’ of Ralston. If you’re not a councillor and you dare to question the holy trinity (Nous Petit Prince brought in a buddy), you will find yourself out of a job quick smart. I’d love to know how much they had to pay out last year on directors walking out or being pushed out the door.

  8. The Magpie says:

    NEWSFLASH: (A real one.)

    Guess Who’s Come To Dinner.

    Townsville is playing hush-hush host to a special group of visitors this weekend … Gutam Adani, his wife and a small entourage have been staying at the ‘Ville for the last 24/48 hours, after flying directly into Townsville from overseas (presumably India) and clearing customs here. See, told you we still have an international airport!!

    There has been no announcement about the reason for the jaunt – in fact no announcement at all about Adani gracing us with his presence, and especially not who exactly is in the party (Adani executives? Potential buyers? Indian financial investigators? A birthday jolly for the missus?) But The Magpie hears they whizzed off this morning (Sunday) down to the Carmichael mine, spending the day there before returning to the Ville for the night (probably in the high rollers room) before jetting out tomorrow.

    If anyone is an interested plane spotter, here’s what you’re looking for …

    … this Bombardier BD-700-1A10 Global 6000, registration T7-RSP which The ‘Pie understands can be glimpsed in general aviation and can also be seen from the second floor arrival/departure balcony.

    Of course, there will be plenty of speculation about all this, and The ‘Pie is never one to shirk a dodgy conspiracy theory, so maybe they’re not flying overseas tomorrow, but down to Canberra to seek refugee status …. Maybe the Indian courts have finally caught up with this oily individual

    PS Had trouble writing this ‘cos I was laughing so hard imagining the scramble and panic in the Bulletin newsroom when they read this on a lazy Sunday arvo. Reporters, feet up on the desk, suddenly tumbling off their roller chairs and the Chief of Staff having an embarrassing personal accident caused by panic and alarm.

    • Achilles says:

      I just opened my barren wallet and held it to my ear, I heard nothing; but Mr Got’em opens his wallet and hey presto a whole airport nah! a whole City, State, Nation is all ears.
      Tandooree 10, Meat Pie Zero.

    • Teabagger says:

      Maybe old mate will seek asylum under Jenny Hills desk like all the other arse licking weak Counsillors and Labor supporters.

      • The Magpie says:

        Slightly back the front, or to reflect your vernacular, arse about. Just hope Jenny keeps the key to the ratepayers money vault in a place where nobody would find it, or want to look. (No, don’t bother, you low lifes, just leave the joke there.)

    • The Magpie says:

      Just in case the folks down in the Astonisher newsroom are at a loss how to recover from missing the scoop of the year (it’s not, you scoff? Then tell us what beats it then?) here are a couple of questions for you to ask.

      Was our mayor aware, perhaps even invited on the jaunt to the Carmichael mine, or maybe just to dinner at Miss Song’s at the Ville? If not, must be a bit miffed – I mean, Frank Poullas from Magnis would never be so rude.

      But here’s another one that the Bulletin will be very carefully in phrasing – did Chris Morris know about the visit (of course he fucking did, it’s just rhetorical) so why didn’t slip the nod to the paper? After all the free publicity the Astonisher has lavished on his establishment and the new hotel extravaganza under construction, you’d think he owed them one.

      Or maybe he did, and there it will be on the front page tomorrow … but now it’s all over the place on social media courtesy of The ‘Pie, be interesting to see if they have the lying cheek to slap an ‘exclusive’ tag on it!!!

      God I love this shit.

      • NQ Gal says:

        No mention of Adani’s visit in the printed Astonisher this morning. They wouldn’t be deliberately keeping quiet so the Stop Adani crowd aren’t alerted until he is gone would they?

        • The Magpie says:

          There are a couple of possibilities here.
          1. Chris Morris or his management ordered them not to publicise the visit … he has that sort of clout and since there is nothing illegal going on, he would be within his rights to make such a ‘request’ to protect the privacy of VIP guests.
          2. The ‘Pie’s information is wrong, but it never has been from this source before, and non reason to believe it is now.

          Add to that that The ‘;Pie had been fascinated to note on Friday and Saturday, a couple of very expensive, swisho helicopters from out of town were seen doing sweeps of the Strand and Maggie before heading in the direction nof the Ville.

          • The Magpie says:

            And of course, as always, Bentley was way ahead of this story. Remember this from 2017.

          • Afterthought says:

            With Coal at $500 a tonne and demand
            from Europe ( Russia supplied 40% Europes gas ) on Coal I wouldn’t be
            surprised if he will scale up Carmichael Mine .

    • The Magpie says:

      When The ‘Pie posted the Adani story on FB, somewhimsically named entity calling themselves Kittens For The Reef re-posted it with the doubting noite ‘For what it;’s worth’.
      The Magpie has generous tried to set them straight with this comment:
      But FFS, ‘For what it’s worth’? First up, the info is rock solid, but ‘for what it’s worth’ makes it sound like you doubt it and invite readers to dismiss it.. A clandestine visit for whatever reason by a shady foreign billionaire who has sparked massive political and social disruption in Australia while facing criminal investigations in his own country, and someone who tried to defraud the Townsville ratepayers of $18.5million is what it’s worth. Considering our deceitful mayor’s previous dealings with this slickster, it is certainly worth a few questions, especially given her fawning, acquiescent history with this joker. Did she meet with him on this trip, and why was he and his mule train here anyway? If she did meeting him, something going on because Mayor Mullet’s usual MO in matters like this is to don a spangled leotard, slip on the btap shoes and pose and pout for the media like some sort of political Pamela Anderson -ha! she wishes, and so do we. If that’s not worth something, then your name should be Kittens In A Chaff Bag Out To The Reef … you’re as useful as a Bulletin reporter.

  9. Alfred E Newman says:

    Gutam landed in Townsville and wizzed of to the Carmichael mine, as you report, cause the Mulett&Co failed to provide a $18.4 million ratepayer funded airfield at the mine site upon which he could land .

    Gutam to the Mulett, in the Townsville QANTAS lounge, “Goodness Gracious Me, where is my airfield? ”

    Mulett to Gutam, “Not so loud Gutam, this is the one place where I am not universally loved.”

  10. Teabagger says:

    The Australian newspaper has quoted Thailand police as saying that Me Warne had received a massage by two masseurs prior to his death. I’m not speculating here, but he must have some very bad injuries to require 4 hands massaging his sore spots.

  11. The Magpie says:


    An alert reader sent this note in with the accompanying screen grab.

    It’s getting to be a Labor Party Cheque Book Conga line! Clive got $50 k from Council on Jennys mouth , the settlement on Cathy O’Toole +Clive was secret $$$, and now boofhead Harpic has put both feet in his mouth, defaming two families . I
    gather the facebook apology is part of the impending settlement

    The Magpie notes this is on top of telling someone who made a complaint about crime on his FB page ‘Bullshit, you have no idea’. Speaking like that to a constituent draws angry media fire elsewhere, why not here?

    For an empty-headed idiot who loved the chest beating, virtue signalling role as head of the parliamentary VAD committee, it’s ironic that Aaron Harper’s political career certainly isn’t dying with dignity … just dying.

    • Mini-Trump says:

      Haarpic should be called ‘mini-Trump’. Sticking his foot in his mouth, ranting aggressively, wearing a red power tie and looking like he has several carrots lodged up his ass. Very Trumplike. .Seriously, what a muppet. And that photo, he looks like a young Graham Kennedy (sorry Graham and R.I.P)

      • Tropical says:

        Another fuckwit with serious Trump Derangement Syndrome.
        Seriously you dickheads need to get a life.

        • The Magpie says:

          Ah, now now, Trops, me old demented digger, you’re not up with the times, are you? The term ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ was quickly dropped by your fascist QAnon mates in America because it inadvertently became widely interpreted as the truth about the Mobster President himself.

          And while I’ve got your undivided attention (difficult to do with schizophrenics) you stated in another deleted comment The Magpie encourages all to take part in the discussion and let their voice be heard. Lets see if that is true.

          While he does do exactly that, just like Harvey Norman, terms and conditions apply, especially one condition being that comments are within cooee of reality. You rarely qualify. And you and few others do not seem to grasp another reality … there is no open slather for fuckwits around here,it’s not facebook or Twitter, this is a curated blog created and managed by The Magpie to help foster clever, occasionally witty and thoughtful discussion with a dash of humour for leavening.

          But The Magpie has one small point of admiration for you … you really have to be smart like an idiot savant to manage to get your emails out of SMU at the TUH … how do you do it?

      • Old Tradesman says:

        Aaron Harpic must not get on with his next door neighbour, there is a beautiful corflute with Phil Thompson picture attached to his front fence.

  12. The Magpie says:

    Here’s a great little Shane Warne story that the great man himself would have loved … in fact, probably did, since what was surely a shaggy dog story circulated when he was alive. This is via Elliot Hannay’s post from Facebook, who wrote:

    Shane Warne RIP
    I hope this story is not dismissed as a sexist joke.. mainly because I heard it from a very empowered London editor who would be described nowadays as a kick-ass woman who was part of an all-female unit that was one of the most powerful publishing groups in the world. Kym probably ate Alpha Males for breakfast.
    She took delight in telling it to an Australian.
    Mills and Boon was noted for the detailed readership research it undertook to maintain its global leadership.
    One of the surveys had covered 2000 Uk women aged from 17 to 70 years. This was when Shane Warne was at the height of his social celebrity career.
    The question was ” Would you have sex with Shane Warne ”
    The response was ” never again”, from 70% of respondents.
    I think Warnie would have liked it.

  13. Slippery Pete says:

    So the out of touch PM has been speaking to the Lowy institution regarding the Ukraine issue. The same Lowy institute think tank, I mean think wank, who advised him on COVID. Umm, why don’t we just fuck Scotty and his incompetents off and have the Lowy institute make all the decisions. After all, they seem to be the ones the Government seeks advice from. Aren’t the politicians capable of making decisions themselves? Elected representatives – I think not. More like elected incompetent shitheads.

    • The Magpie says:

      Politicians should always seek a wide range of views from across the spectrum … it is how they distil that advice into firm policy at question. But both sides of politics only ever seek the thoughts and preach to the converted at like-minded organisations … who was the last ALP figures, let alone leader, to address the Institute of Public Affairs (IPA), or the conservative figure to address a Trades Council or union meeting?

  14. Dave of Kelso says:

    Got mail today. A glossy flyer with photos of Aaron (Who) Harpic and the Puddleduck telling me they “are investing in the safety of Queenslanders.”


    The snots are still breaking into homes, stealing cars, traumatizing good people, no change to the bullshit Youth (lack of) Justice Act, and I have to keep my doors locked 24/7.

    That such a flyer could be produced and distributed shows that these two fuckards have no clue of what is happening or the degree of community resentment!

    • Chuck says:

      The liberal party lost me this upcoming election.

      Packing off 70 million dollars of weapons to the eastern front ? Stupid idea. That’s the problem about putting AJs in charge , things are OK for a while then they fall back on taking stupid and ruinous orders without raising a whimper.

      It would be better if the labor party get in and just wreck us slowly rather than get involved in a global conflict ( though there’s no reason Labor party shouldn’t do something stupid and ruinous either). We could start taking millions of refugees I guess and end up like Europe.

      Unlike most constituencies in townsville it only takes a tiny swing by a handful of votes one way or the other. The liberal party can go to hell with their wars ( Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam anybody ?)

      • The Magpie says:

        OK, get what you’re saying but don’t get the comment about AJs (long time since I’ve heard that term). Do you mean Army Jerks, as the slang used to have it, or something else. And what the hell to ‘AJs’ have to do with political decisions?

  15. Elusive Butterfly says:

    Personally, I thing team Gutam have done lots for our economy and especially our region. People have jobs out at Carmichael mine so that is a wonderful thing. Gutam should have his hand shook, not be the subject of sledging and protests. He should be made an honorary Townsvillian.

  16. Elusive Butterfly says:

    Not me, Mr. Pie!
    Just check the grammar and lack of punctuation.
    God there are some tossers in the world!

    • The Magpie says:

      Thank you, thought so, certainly out of character. That would be Tropical trying to be a smart arse.

  17. Critical says:

    Be warned Maccas staff told me today that the paper Maccas Coffee Loyalty Card is to be discontinued in the next couple of weeks and to claim any free coffees asap and to use each free coffee as you get it. The Maccas app is replacing the card. I asked what happens if you don’t have a smart phone or don’t want to download the app and was told that you wouldn’t be able to earn reward points. Bet once you download the app, Maccas will develop a profile on you and then you’ll be smashed with Maccas electronic marketing crap. Just going to get my coffee elsewhere.

    • The Magpie says:

      Is their coffee any good? It has never ever occurred to be to get a coffee from maccas. Or anything else, either.

      • Ducks Nuts says:

        Surprisingly good. Better than Otto’s which always tastes bitter.

        • Grumpy says:

          Agree, DN – in fact I think everything at Otto’s is overpriced and definitely overrated.

          • The Magpie says:

            The ‘Pie doesn’t usually get involved in this sort of sniping, but let me just relate this: a week or so ago at Castletown , I noted Otto’s had taken over the fruit market near the entrance to Woolies. Being somewhat partial to the occasional dragonfruit – occasional because of the supermarket price of between $4.50 to $5.50 each – sighed when I saw otto’s were selling some fine specimens for $6.99 … but on closer inspection, it was $6.99 per kilo. Got seven weighing in at 1.2kgs, which in Coles or Woolies would’ve set me back about $35.

            Swings and roundabout, folks, swings and roundabouts.

          • Ducks Nuts says:

            Coffee. Magpie. The Coffee is bad. Other things are good. But the Coffee is bad.
            McDonald’s had great Coffee and terrible stuff they call food.

      • Old Tradesman says:

        Speaking of Maccas, why has the North Ward outlet shut it’s doors ?

        • The Magpie says:

          Probably, as mentioned in a previous comment, genuine supply chain issues caused by the Brisbane floods. ‘Buying local’ means different things in different places … in Townsville it means buying things locally that were produced elsewhere … even fast food horrors.

    • Alfred E Newman says:

      I expect with the McDonald’s digital app you will get lots of digital McRubbish.

      And if you are so lazy or fucked up that you cannot or will not brew up some freshly ground coffee beans first thing in the morning you deserve coffee muck from Muck Donalds.

      Oh, I was told this afternoon, by the bloke at the BWS, ever reliable that McDonald’s had closed down due flood related shortages. (Humm, Nth Qld chooks not good enough for McDonald’s Ever expanding waist line meanue

      • Kenny Kennett says:

        A friend in Brissy told me the same about half a dozen in the Brisbane northern suburbs closed because they couldn’t get supplies.

      • Hamburgler says:

        Apparently it’s the same story down south, a number of McSlop stores have closed due to having no stock because the main depot in Brisbane was flooded. The upside is that with stores shut there will be less pressure on town sewerage systems. Hell, the longer they remain shut there may be less diabetes and bowel cancer cases!

  18. Miss Heard says:

    Good morning Mr Magpie. I suspect that this might not get put onto your blog, (seeing as it refers to a local business ) but thought you might be interested anyway and I just had to share. Further to your comments about that ‘.. dangerous planet of The Pun ..’ . There I was, the other night, reading quietly while the wife was watching the TV in the lounge when I heard from the TV an ad for a local business: NQ Gay Meets. “That’s an interesting development for Townsville ” – I thought, “.. An initiative from the local LGBTQIXYZ community, perhaps ..”, so I wandered in to see the ad on the TV. I was amused however to see that the ad was actually for NQ Game Meats in Currajong.

    • The Magpie says:

      Hahahaha. No doubt the gang at NQ Game Meats know any publicity is good publicity.

      • NQ Gal says:

        Reminds me of a trip to the US many moons ago – Master Battery with a Tennessee twang became “mastabate-ery”. We thought it was absolutely hilarious.

  19. Alahazbin says:

    Today is ‘International Womens Day’. On the ABC this morning a question was asked “what woman has had the most influence in your life?”
    My answer to that question would be Premier Puddleduck. Since her reign we have to make sure the house is locked up like Fort Knox, car keys hidden and even when driving about, make sure car is locked and look in all directions, just in case some little snot doesn’t T bone you. Don’t start me on integrity.

  20. Tropical says:

    Your dementia addled idol Biden is the one who funded Russia’s invasion. Biden killed US pipelines, killed coal and banned drilling, which made TH US dependent on Russian oil — which made Russia filthy rich and arrogant. Biden paid for this war.

    Your thoughts on Biden the war criminal who is funding the Russian assault on innocent civilians, including children in Ukraine?

    • The Magpie says:

      Your seething analysis manages to ignore the scene setting by your idol, the Mobster president Trump, who tried to extort Ukraine to give politically damaging false information against Biden before the last election by withholding promised aid to bolster the country. And it doesn’t mention how Trump was the great Putin enabler, appeaser and was completely pussy whipped by Putin, lovingly assuming the position whenever Vlad Snookums was around. While your turbulent ravings occasionally hit a calm patch of debatable reason, (US oil imports are certainly a factor, ramped up by Trump and now a domestic political threat because of petrol prices skyrocketing) The’Pie always finds it amusing that one minute you lot say Biden did this and that – all in one year – and the next you’re saying his asleep at the wheel, is Sleepy Joe, and has dementia. And nothing … absolutely nothing … wrong was done by Trump. Again, The ‘Pie asks, getting all your emails out of the Secure Mental mUnit at TUH … how do you do it, we’re stumped?

      • Brainwave says:

        How to solve townsville crime

        Permanently remove all rights for centrelink for offending.

        Offences: car jacking, violent assault, theft, house breaking, car theft, sexual assault, domestic violence.

        Graffiti and other petty crime is excluded.

        1st offence: the offender is taken into custody, is seen by a psychologist, both parents are sat down with the psychologist.

        The offender and parents are sat down with a policeman and warned that further crimes will mean that the offender can NEVER receive centrelink for anything. The parents have to take a 5 percent haircut on their centrelink benefits – no further ” hunting dog ” benefits will be paid and all various lurks and perks are revoked – permanently.

        2nd offence: the offender is locked up, it is explained that no centrelink benefits will ever be paid. The harm and hurt caused has to be stopped. Actions have consequences.

        ALL offenders for said offences have ALL centrelink payments revoked. Beg on the street, get a job or slum it with your community whomever they may be. If you are caught committing crime you have mandatory sentencing. You stop building more police stations and start building cheaper more efficient prisons where prisoners no longer mingle or socialise / attack each other.

        Sometimes to solve an unsolvable problem you need an iron fist. Hit the problem at both ends a stick that threatens to revoke centrelink and a stick to put you away.

        • The Magpie says:

          You’ve really thought that through haven’t you, Tumor? The ‘Pie is particularly taken with your ignorance about unintended consequences – in this case, consequences that loom bigger the proverbial dog’s etc. ‘Beg on the street, get a job or slum it with your community whomever they may be’ you bluster, but forget the other far more likely, indeed certain, outcome ‘return to crime’. And not only will they keep keep offending, but because of the inevitable outcome of your Baldrick-like plan, the offending will be backed up with a violence borne of desperation, a nothing to lose syndrome that will will escalate in violence as it continues.

        • Achilles says:

          Maybe something a little more productive when it comes to sentencing.

          How about mandatory panel beating for beginners 6 month course?

          Repairing fire damaged car interiors mandatory 6 month course.

          Buying new tires with deductions from your Centrelink income.

          On completion of these courses and armed with newly acquired skills … now go and rebuild the vehicle which you vandalised.

          • Critical says:

            How about work for the dole and making this mob so bloody tired and sore that they will just want to sleep at night. Plenty of TCC garden beds and median strips that need weeding by hand replanting and mulching, kilometres of gutters that need cleaning out, kilometres of Ross River and Louisa Creek banks the need weeds removed, hectares of Town Common that needs weed removal or even get them to dig out chinee apple to return agricultural land productive again. Some budget savings here Mullet and you could always have talks to your three useless State MP’s about this idea. Might have to put these criminals in some type of restraints so they can’t escape, oh I can hear the cries of you can’t do that its against human rights or some such crap of the bleeding heart society. In my books it’s called being constructive and returning something back to the community as compensation for your low down crimes on decent citizens in this city.

          • The Magpie says:

            Excellent solution … and they should overseen by blokes in Stetsons on horseback with rifles at the ready. And let’s not forget all the guards must be outfitted with reflective sunglasses, and loudly announce things like ‘What we have here is a failure to communicate’ just before they shoot one of the miscreants who just looked like making a break for it.

        • Dave of Kelso says:

          For years now I have been advocating for the snots to be incarcerated in stocks, located in public places. No cost to the taxpayer. The delinquent parents of the incarcerated snots are responsible for the daily necessities of the snots. Food, drink, and wiping their tender arsers. Minimum sentence first offence, two weeks, compounding from there.

          The sensitive wok folk have accused me of being a mediaeval philistine. A pox on them.

          The snots revel in notoriety, as evidenced by there (anti) social media posts, much supported be the front page promotion on the front page of the Assonisher.

          I strongly recommend extended time in the stocks for maximum punishment, humiliation, and time to reflect on the advice given to them by law abiding citizens as they pass by.

          You think I am joking gentle and tender folk? Well I am not. I am bloody serious! Gentle and tender folk have been flapping their gums about (let’s be delicate here FFS) certain troubled (criminal) youth crime, and yet it continues.

          By the way, where are your car keys tonight?

          Thank you Puddleduck.

          David Crisaffulli, are you reading this?


          • The Magpie says:

            Feel better now, mate? Sorry, Dave, that load of poorly thought-through twaddle was published just because you needed an outlet, old fella. But if you follow it through, you seem to be under the delusion that once out of the stocks, they will immediately recover from the traumatic humiliation and destruction of what little sense of self-worth they had and will become model citizens. They won’t, mate, they will become a whole class of homicidal deranged maniacs, with nothing to lose. And many people, including lots who disagree with the style of punishment, will be the maimed or murdered victims created by your solution.

            Sure we’re frustrated, and sure, something needs to be done. That isn’t it …

          • I’ll be plucked says:

            Kelso, first are you ok old mate? Second, most of the things you propose will NEVER occur, so IF you are ok please STOP writing them and get help. Third, you have written with these remarks before, seek help for your anger and frustration, please.

          • Grumpy says:

            Plucked, are you the new moderator?

        • Westie says:

          There was a programme on ABC radio a while back about the Rangatahi Court in NZ- a division of the NZ Youth Courts. It sounded interesting so I looked it up.

          Rangatahi and Pasifika Youth Courts | The District Court of New Zealand (districtcourts.govt.nz)

          Some of the features include
          (a) Young offenders can be referred to the Rangatahi Court if the offender admits their offence, and the victim consents

          (b) It is presided over by a trained judge, supported by Maori elders, and public servants such as social workers

          (c) Involves learning by the offender of a Pepeha- a statement of the ancestors, people and places affecting the offender, and where they fit into society

          (d) Development of a plan by a family conference which could involve Community Service, attendance at school or training courses, personal development, employment etc. Performance of the plan is monitored by the Court at periodic reviews. There can be commitments by other family members in the plan as well. The plan may include consequences for positive performance (release or reduction of Court imposed commitments), or negative performance (send back to mainstream criminal justice system).

          I thought it sounded promising (particularly in the radio programme recording of an actual hearing).

          Sure, some hard core offenders may game the system, and end up back where they started. But others may just been led astray, and the Court provides a path for these young people to be supported to get back on track.

          I am not sure if we have anything similar here, but it could be worth considering.

          • The Magpie says:

            Interesting but doubtful it would work her. Maori and aboriginal culture appear to have markedly different values and influence, group pride being a major one. From the little The ‘Pie has read about the NZ program, it seems to have the unanimous support of the Maori community, who are engaged in the program without being governed by the residual bitterness towards the white population.

    • NQ Gal says:

      Tropical – have you gone Troppo with the heat?

  21. On two wheels says:

    G’day All
    I’ve been listening to a Podcast called “Shandee’s Story” by Hedly Thomas, a journo from The Australian. It deals with the murder of Shandee Blackburn in Mackay several years ago. The failings of the Qld Laboratory dealing with DNA seems to be huge, with ramifications for who knows how many court case in Qld over the past few years?
    In one instance, a fresh blood sample taken from where Shandee was murdered showed NO DNA at all. Another instance, many samples taken from a suspects 1997 model car, that hadn’t been cleaned for years, showed NO DNA present. This completely confounded the detectives involved. A DNA expert reviewed the evidence and suggested that the Lab be shut down immediately and practices examined etc.
    The response from the Qld government was disappointing to say the least.
    The implications for this case were huge, but what about other cases, past and present?

  22. Kids Auctioned like Cattle says:

    Allegations of kids in the state care system being put up for auction like cattle have emerged with the State’s Children Minister making a second visit to Cairns in 3 weeks to announce six fast-tracked early intervention officers to help at-risk young people in the Far North.(Cairns Post 8/3)

    • The Magpie says:

      What nonsense is this? Link please.

      • Kids Auctioned like Cattle says:

        Today’s Cairns Post P06-07 “Youth Justice Boost – Minister responds to residential care alarm and announces extra staff”.(Cairns Post 9/3/22)
        Online Cairns Post News feed – “Extra youth justice staff deployed amid shocking care home claims”, posted 7.27pm 8/3/22 by journalist Peter Carruthers.

        • The Magpie says:

          OK got that now, but judging by the relevant excerpt below, it doesn’t add up or even make sense … how are these ‘auctions’ conducted, sounds like a Dutch auction where the lowest bidder gets the goods, the ‘goods’ in this case being the right to care for a specific child or children. Sounds like overstated colourful bullshit, but hey, we’re in Queensland. And as usual, no curiosity by a News reporter to ask explanatory, illuminating questions.

          And BTW commenter, the ‘Pie’s description of ‘nonsense’ was aimed at any article claiming such, not as you supplying the lead, which is relevant and interesting albeit in Cairns.

  23. Mike Douglas says:

    Townsville University Hospital Code Yellow , 4 th in just a few months . Les , Aaron , Scott cant protect Australias 13th biggest City from crime so much for Anastasia Palaszczuk “Queensland Hospitals are for Queenslanders ” helping the sick . In fact we had Cairns , Townsville , Mt isa , Mackay all have code yellows on the same day in 2021 so where is our Labor Mayor and Councils Mentally Healthy City policy ?. Quote of the week from Minister Enoch who is in charge of Queensland public housing when support groups were coming up with ideas to get the people effected by the floods a roof over their heads ” my department cant think of everything ” . Give it a few months and State Government will be back on the Olympics band wagon and thousands of Queenslanders will be forgotten just like Townsville 2019 floods .

    • Old Tradesman says:

      A close friend of mine needs an urgent MRI, guess what she was told, the wait will be 8 months, I will now have to navigate to get this friend into the private arena. Thank you Private Cupcake, Harpic and I have lost my memory Walker, you three useless clots need to hand in your letters of resignation pronto.

      • Critical says:

        One to two week wait at Qld Xray for fully covered Medicare funded MRI a couple of weeks ago. You will need relevant Xray request form from specialist or GP depending upon MRI required.

  24. Bludger says:

    The department of agriculture, water and environment, federal government, have returned to the office. It seems like they didn’t enjoy the bad publicity about them working from home. The local manager and a secretary are still working a little bit from home. No valid reason to do so other than the fact that they think their shit doesn’t stink and they are entitled to do whatever they like.

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Are you sure there is no valid reason Bludger and if so, how did you come by the ‘no valid’ information ? ………

      • Grumpy says:

        Not that hard to identify a mole

        • I’ll be plucked says:

          Grumps, I thought a mole was a loose woman? :)

          • The Magpie says:

            A mole is usually on your face … so maybe you’re right.

          • Grumpy says:

            Oh, dear. I think the word you are looking for is “moll”.

          • The Magpie says:

            Well, yes and no and maybe … The ‘Pie recalls from his spotty youth in the 50s that the word was mole because they reputedly rooted around a lot. (‘Reputedly’ because Australia doesn’t have moles, with the exception of an extremely rare desert mole in north western Australia, which is sighted about once a decade). But then again, perhaps the origin was just youthful mispronunciation after seeing James Cagney and George Raft on the silver screen on Saturdee arvo matinees.

      • Bludger says:

        Because I am close to the place. Very close, but at arms length. And I’m incensed at how these bastards blow off our taxpayer money as if they fucking own it, that’s why.

  25. Echochamber says:

    Headline on the Bulletin website – “Police disturb man’s nap with a knife and ice pipe”. Sure, that’s one way to wake someone up but what were the police doing with a knife and an ice pipe?

  26. I’ll be plucked says:

    Harpic, Messagebank Walker and Private Cupcake Stewart are all about as sharp as a bowling ball and collectively as dumb as a bag of hammers! Youth crime is out of control, they are out of ideas and they’re continual claims that the situation is getting better/under control is all the proof we need that they’ve lost it (if they ever had it in the first place)! :(

  27. Achilles says:

    Owl Poops on Sign Language Translator During Press Conference in Queensland, Australia, or was it a Magpie disguised as an Owl???


    • The Magpie says:

      It was a much wiser bird than The Magpie, with a much greater capacity for emphasis, but unfortunately, missed the more desrving target.

      BTW, coppers carrying hankies? … what sweet old fashioned chaps they are.

  28. Hugh Jarse says:

    Is Private Cupcake, the Qld State Member for Townsville, a relation of Barnaby Beetrooter Joyce? They both share the same colour head of the beetroot variety and both have expanding waistlines to match, with Private Cupcake in front at this stage!

    • No More Dredging says:

      Barnaby is Beetroot Head. Cupcake is Tomato Head. I guess the Mullet is a lump of Cauliflower.

      • The Magpie says:

        Speaking of the Beetrooter, have a look at this, where Leigh Sales politely but insistently shreds him and his government’s response to flood relief … on the evidence of this bumbling interview (‘it was all bureaucracy’s fault’), one can be assured that Vicki made the first moves and did the talking that ended up on the ministerial Axminster, because Barnaby couldn’t even talk his way into a root to save himself.


        • Princess Rollmop says:

          What a bumbling fool. The Beetrooter is so far out of touch with reality that it’s not funny. All he could manage was to dribble on about policies, processes, bureaucracy etc. Hey Beetrooter, the system is compromised, it’s fucked, it’s not working, and you muppets are the ones at the helm of the sinking ship. People are on the street and without money because of government bureaucratic red tape. FIX THE SYSTEM YOU DIPSHIT!! This government does nothing but piss in our pockets about climate change and more disasters to come. So fix the problem, after all, you ARE aware of the issues. Maybe with the next national disaster a more speedy process of assistance will be in place…..FFS

  29. Double Standards says:

    The NRL Circus goes up a level this week, but nobody pushes either the Cowboys or the NRL to confirm whether $10-million-dollar-man Jason Taumalolo has been vaccinated. Has everyone just accepted the Cows statement that the club is “compliant” to NRL policy? What the hell does that mean, apart from being a cute weasel word to spin us away from more questions.A quick scan of the NRL draw this year seems to show an excessive amount of games for the Cows in Queensland, coincidence, I think not.

  30. Harping Harper says:

    Yesterday, federal MP Phil Thompson announced a $1.4m grant for programs (including mechanical and carpentry skills) to help break the youth crime cycle and today on cue in the TB, Aaron Harper bags it as an election stunt, blames the LNP for youth crime and follows with his usual repetitive spin on toughest youth offender laws in Australia.

    Suggest our Thuringowa MP looks at today’s TB front page headline – “Homeless 13 year old forced into crime to feed herself” or investigates the “bums in beds” rort where residential care providers are paid $1200 per night for absent kids or alarming reports in the state care system where kids are auctioned like cattle for lucrative government contracts with seemingly little accountability or auditing.

    Legislative requirements for youth crime sit squarely with the state government and unless Aaron Harper has a constructive or practical solution to offer, he should spare us and keep his gaff-prone mouth shut.

  31. Whatshisname says:

    It’s hard to not be cynical – we have a busted arse Council financially and operationally who can’t build a water pipeline on time, can’t keep the city tidy , JCU who failed with their retail concepts , Townsville Hospital Code Yellow 4 times in the past few months .

    Is this Jennys legacy ? Legacy of failure +debt. And now, what new spangled hell has she conjured up here.

    • The Magpie says:

      “…. capability as well as an experimentation centre for research, development and human performance studies.” Research of disasters? They’ve come to the right town.

    • Alfred E Newman says:

      The TCC is heavily in debt. It cannot even keep parks, gardens, footpaths and bikeways safe and trimmed. Unable to perform basic local government responsibilities. Now this thought bubble with Mayoral photo.

      It might (might) be a reasonable proposal but it has nothing to do with local government. Such a development should be initiated and driven by our own three State Government firebrands.

    • Critical says:

      The decision has already been made at the secret meeting of Jenny’s ALP Team Hill Councillors. The full council meeting in two weeks time is just an arm raising exercise to meet legal requirements.
      Hopefully Cr Fran will be allowed to ask the relevant questions but I doubt it, Mullet style democracy will rein.

      • The Magpie says:

        Of course it is, spot on. Jenny has too many shithourse-rat smarts to float an ‘idea’ that isn’t a foregone conclusion and which she might have to talk her colleagues into (hahaha, oh, The ‘Pie does amuse himself sometimes), and she’ll certainly be able to block an adverse queries about this latest council venture into the corporate world … and with all those other bureaucratic entities involved, good luck finding out who’s up who and who’s paying the rent … duck shoving galore on the cards. A perfect idea to bamboozle those hard hitting, no nonsense investigative journalists at the Daily Mulletin.

        But The ‘;PPie. mjust ask: why the fuck is the council involved at all, what do they bring to the table? fastvtracking assessment and approvals? If that’s the case, the speed with which this is decided should be the benchmark for ALL applications.

        • Prince Rollmop says:

          I smell a rat. Local and State Governments love forming corporations. They do so because they can hide debt within the entity and because it is at arms length from Council, they can also get around a lot of those pesky local government rules and procedures. And of course there will likely be a CEO and Board of Directors, all well remunerated and all Labor mates. Sounds like the Nous fuckwit has given the Purple Doona a few lessons in sneakiness.

          • The Magpie says:

            Ha! Like she needed any.

          • Jatzcrackers says:

            100% correct PR. The Purple Doona would have plenty of escape hatches built in to protect her broad arse.
            BTW Prince R, I noticed a comment from a ‘Princess Rollmop’ earlier in the this blog. Was it a typo, or your missus or do you sometimes bat for both sides ?

  32. Prince Rollmop says:

    With fuel prices cracking the $2.00 per litre mark, will the average voter hold the Morrison governments to account? Supporting the Ukraine war and Russias economic sanctions comes at a huge cost, a big cost to Australians through higher inflation, massively higher fuel prices and higher supply chain costs. It’s time to vote these fucktards out of office once and for all.

    • The Magpie says:

      Wars tend to have the effect. So because we will have to pay more to support measures against this century’s most dangerous, borderline deranged dictator, you suggest we drop all support for the Ukraine and all the allies standing with this victimised country, just so it doesn’t cost you more to get down to the boat ramp with an Esky full of tinnies … an Esky made in China, btw, you know, Putin’s buddy.

      Bottom line is, if Labor win, they’ll leave the settings exactly the same, they’ve said so, and could hardly do anything else. ‘Fraid you’re the ninny over-reaching for a domestic political harague on an issue that won’t feature much in our election campaign. Check with those standing in your immediate vicinity, and take a poll of how many DON’T want to support the Ukraine.

    • I’ll be plucked says:

      Prince Mophead, you quite obviously do not understand what a war can do to the world economy, in particular when a large country like Russia makes such a move. The current Federal Govt obviously played no part in starting the war, but has, on humanitarian grounds, joined a significant number of countries in agreeing to and imposing economic sanctions.

      The initial costs involved can be easily justified as the bully Russia has decided to invade a sovereign nation in Ukraine. Short term pain for long term gain Mophead. Can you see it now, or have you still got your head in the sand (or your pocket more likely)!

    • mundingbird says:


      What,and put AnAl in ?

      You have got to be kidding……………

      • Old Tradesman says:

        I think The Prince is somewhat confused, he hates the Labor Mayor, he hates the Labor council and it’s FIFO CEO, he hates the three irrelevant Labor members, but he likes AnAl, who is tarred with the same brush as the above, I have come to the conclusion that he is an AnAl plant who is using reverse psychology as all good Labor men do. Come clean or Fuck off.

  33. The Magpie says:

    The Magpie tries to never mock the afflicted and prefers to help set them on the path to recovery. So here’s a first step in the long, long road to recovery for our deepky troubled mate, Tropical … hang in there, Trops, and you’ll soon be able to unclench your fists, stop grinding your teeth and swap from reading Peter Newey and the TRRA site in favour of a grateful switch to the light offered everyday here in The Nest.

    Listen closely.


  34. Sergeant Gunny Highway says:

    Let Russia and the Ukraine fight it out for themselves. Shit happens. Civilian casualties are always a cost of war. The Ukraine shouldn’t have been fucking about and entertaining NATO in talks and discussions. Bad move. Dangerous move. That’s what has pissed off Vlad, big time. Would America like Russia in Mexico or Canada, at the US border?? Of course not, and wouldn’t the reaction be swift and with gusto. For fuck sake, the dumbarse Yanks and their lapdogs poked the Russian bear and now there is global contagion and an angry Bear. Well done dickheads. Now everybody gets to pay the piper. Warmongering idiots. But, as they say, every cloud has a silver lining and war can be good for the economy.

    • The Magpie says:

      So we can assume you will be the first on your knees unzipping the first Chinese general you can find.

      Frankly, don’t believe you are anything more than a stirrer, no sane person could come up with that analysis … actually, reckon you might be Tropical, if not his twin bro.

    • Alfred E Newman says:

      During the Cuban missile crisis the Yanks did not obliterate Cuban towns and cities?


      We are living through the most dangerous times in our generation, with ramifications that will last beyond our lifetime and you come up with this. Millions are hurting due to Russian war crimes with more to come, based on their passed record.

      Your words say more about you than you say about the subject. You are truly sludge at the bottom of the gene pool.

      • The Magpie says:

        The ‘Pie will be keeping a close eye on future comments from Private Popgun, it seems he is just some stirrer trying to rage farm other commenters. Really, no one could seriously be that dense.

        • Achilles says:

          The first casualty of war is truth. Whether attributed to US politician Senator Hiram Warren Johnson in 1918, or Dr Samuel Johnson in 1758, or even the ancient Greek dramatist Aeschylus around 550 BC, the quote would appear to accurately recognise the challenge facing both sides of the equation during times of crisis.

          Elaborated here, not only the current conflict but includes the “war” against COVID visa vie Vaccinations


  35. Elusive Butterfly says:

    Is it my imagination Mr. Pie, but is “Ringo”, Labor’s Herbert hopeful, sometimes known as John Ring, silent on our “Kiddie Krime” problem, because he doesn’t want to be seen to be critical of John, Paul and George, our wonderful three State MPs?
    But then, “Ringo” is pretty much silent on all issues.

    • The Magpie says:

      He’s at least a realist, and is just going through the motion to make the numbers on the ballot paper. Even those handling him know he’s got no hope. he’s putting the candidacy in the locker for another time he has grown a bit of a profile, and hopefully, some personality.

  36. The non-Secretary says:

    A few comments on this blog about government employees. I used to work in federal government unfortunatet, for only a little while. May I add that people with a title such as Secretary, Deputy Secretary, First Assistant Secretary, are all a bunch of suckholes who have sucked off the taxpayer tit for decades. Morons who have never held down a real job. Anyone at that level has gotten there by licking asses and backstabbing along the way. Piss on the lot of them.

  37. Alacan says:

    NQ SPARK. Spelt backward .. NQ KRAPS .. Scotty you there ? .. beam me up FFS ..

  38. J. B says:

    Townsville made the national news again.
    I’m so proud

  39. Tenacious D says:


    I think I smell a rat, $100K – this could really blow up in their faces if unproven

    • Boogaloo says:

      I saw a gang of them trying to break through the doors of the shell on thuringowa last week during the night. Why didn’t the attendant let then in ? Probably because they didn’t want to be another statistic. In the end it will mean all petrol pumps will need to be prepaid so this “racism” can end. I hope they will be making a special ribbon and flag for this problem.

      Can they make a special flag for house breakers and car thieves ?

    • Russell says:

      Is that a classic case of FIGJAM from Gracelyn?

      • The Magpie says:

        Bit rich, that claim, coming from one of the town’s most entrenched racists, who once, when the verdict of guilty was pronounced in an indigenous-on-indigenous rape matter, stood up in the public gallery and yelled’ uckin’ white man’s justioce’. Turns out the bloke convicted was part of her ‘mob’, whatever that may be (many indigenous people aren’t sure why she’s around these parts anyway.)

        And for the record, this isn’t hearsay, The Magpie was in court reporting the matter for the Bulletin.

        An d funny isn;’t it, how DisGracelyn is always missing in action when it comes to youth crime, which is – by some police estimates -95% of indigenous kids.

        • Achilles says:

          Every time a white person is found not guilty of murdering a black person. The victims family and/or associates often read out a usually well written but emotionally charged protestation.

          In Darwin yesterday there was some totally irrelevant drivel about being the custodians of the land which always ends with “we want justice”.

          The reality is that is exactly what was dispensed, but what they actually want vengeance.

  40. Credit Due says:

    Thankyou TB for your ongoing campaign and great editorial in today’s Bully calling out the “bulls–t” response and shocking workings by the state department responsible for protecting vulnerable children and the pathetic response from the three state members in Townsville.

    Thankyou also to David Thoumine, Cranbrook and Carol Lengyel, Kelso for today’s printed Letters to the Editor on the same theme, and to our valued visitor from Melbourne, Phil Lipshut, who enjoyed the Museum of Tropical Qld but asks why doesn’t TCC do something about the “ugly scene opposite”. Locals ask the same question Phil.

    • The Magpie says:

      An unusual comment in a third party forum, thanking a newspaper for doing what a newspaper is meant to do – indeed, the very fact that among the dross there is a ‘thankable’ element itself speaks of the more widespread failure of the Townsville Bulletin. Publishing indignant letters is easy and hardly worth lauding unless there is a suspicion that certain other subjects are unacceptable and suppressed. The Aboriginal Health Service exposes, the failure of juvenile social services, and the continual calling out of the political failures of our state members is exactly expected as what a paper should be doing, but being too engrossed with ‘Cutest Baby’ malarkey, it ignores glaring public interest issues like what the hell is really going on with much vaunted pipeline? It remains as dry as a nun’s nasty, the previous pipeline has been left to rot and is likely to shit itself if used. The new pipeline has no pumping infrastructure or sufficient power supply to its headworks to provide water, and the new and improved pipeline is still years away.

      It is a classic Mullet clusterfuck where they worked on the assumption that they would get lucky or be bailed out by someone else.

      Wonder if our hard-hitting investigative cream puffs would have a crack at the one – history, lilikke Little Britain’s computer, says ‘noooo.’ After all, when it chooses to be, remember it is ….

      • Credit Due says:

        Sure it is the role of a newspaper to call out continual failures of our state members, government or departmental systems at all levels, but if done at all it is usually smothered or as a soft piece. Many times I have read in the Nest – no-one wants to bite the hand that feeds it.

        I have detected a bravery from our new editorial. I hope it continues and doesn’t wilt under pressure and criticism, reverting back to previous average performances.

        No-one is complaining about forthcoming developments to Townsville, but simple suggestions from a visitor on how to improve the appearance of our city shouldn’t be dismissed (in my humble opinion) without consideration.

        • The Magpie says:

          Simply don’t understand the opening paragraph of your comment, especially the second sentence. Care to elucidate? And just where was ‘a visitor’s simple suggestion’ on how to improve the appearance of ‘our’ city dismissed without consideration. The ‘Pie just explained why the ‘suggestion’ was wrong in both inference and in fact.

          And regarding any new ‘bravery’ in the editorial department … that was started by the previous editor Craig Warhurst, and yes, the green shoots of a growing awareness that not everything can be dictated by Sydney HQ and a strong line on local issues have to be established have stutteringly continued under the new bloke. But reckon it’ll be a long time before anyone at the paper looks at, collates and publishes the trail of damage, destruction and false promises created by the mayor and parrotted unquestioningly by …. The Bulletin.

    • The Magpie says:

      Your not keeping up … the ‘ugly scene opposite’ is the Hive development, part of which – the new Reef HQ – will see construction started in the near future, courtesy of Thompson. And those who take the trouble to keep themselves informed do NOT ask the same question.

  41. The Magpie says:

    All sorts of flotsam and jetsam float into The Nest all the time, most being discarded. but since we have a brave little band of council insiders, perhaps there may be some light that can be shed on the following received this morning:
    Malcolm, latest out of Council is that our Mayors nepotism wanted her executive advisor’s partner on the Council payroll but Prins refused . Mayor Hill wanted to sack the Ceo but is waiting until after the Federal Election.

    The Magpie raises an eyebrow at the ‘sacking Ralston’ suggestion, can’t see Mayor Mullet wanting to add a fourth to list of CEO’s she has effectively ‘sacked’, one way or the other. And the reference to the Federal election doesn’t seem to make sense – federal voters would give a fuck what latest knifing our mayor may be up to in Walker Street. So ALL the information remains suspect until more is known.

    Anyone got anything?

    • Prince Rollmop says:

      Interesting comment about Mullet and Ralston and anything is possible as they both have giant ego’s. However, the two of them have similar mindsets – couldn’t give two shits about anybody else or anything else, other than their own personal needs.

      • The Magpie says:

        But that also applies to Adele the Impaler Young … and we all know how that ended, in one of the biggest bitch slapping carfights of recent times.

  42. What about me? says:

    Apropos nothing much, the local servo wanted $2 & 29.9c /litre for 98 octane this morning. Irrespective of local vandals doing their worst on EV chargers, I came home and pushed the button on Elon’s website for a new Tesla. A 5-7 month delay on delivery but worth it in the long-run. Putin has not just fucked my superannuation but pretty well the world I reckon.

    In other news I recently heard the Mayor say out-loud she is thinking of running again. Enjoy!

  43. Achilles says:

    I felt a degree of sympathy for the Russian Ambassador to the UN, trying (unconvincingly) to justify their invasion of Ukraine.

    As history repeats itself Ad Nauseum, remember when Colin Powell was wheeled out by Bush, Rumsfeld and Chaney to present bullshit about Saddam’s mobilisation as fact, knowing full-well it was BS.

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