State MP Bruce Flegg gets the flick and two other backbenchers are on shifting sand – could the LNP’s endorsement purge spread to the Federal sphere? If so, Herbert’s Dumbo Jumbo Jones will justifiably have the jitters.

BUT FIRST, AN IMPORTANT BIT OF HOUSEKEEPING. THE WORDPRESS PEOPLE WHO HOST THIS BLOG, ARE DOING SOME WORLDWIDE SWISHO UPGRADING FROM AROUND 8PM TOMORROW (SUNDAY OCT 6) NIGHT. THIS COULD TAKE FROM A COUPLE OF HOURS TO 24 HOURS, SO IF YOU ARE DELAYING THE DELIGHT OF YOUR WEEKLY READ, PLEASE DON’T THINK THE PIE HAS ABANDONED YOU – OR BUGGERED UP YET AGAIN. AND WHEN SERVICE IS RETURNED, THE UPGRADE WILL NOT AFFECT YOU IN ANY WAY, YOU WILL STILL ACCESS THE SITE AS YOU ALWAYS HAVE.

Now to this week – More sloppy work from the Astonisher causes serious financial damage to one of those local businesses the paper so often says it champions.

And on the scientific side of the week, we will be talking most seriously about those things variously known as boobs, funbags, ladies headlights, hooters … yes, those things Mongrel the Barrister so delicately describes as ‘yer tits’, and the new research that puts the finger on what is now termed the ideal ‘beckoning breast’.

But first, speaking of tits.

Clive Palmer has had an unexpected victory, forming an unholy alliance with various bits of the menagerie we sometimes call the senate, and has managed to get an inquiry into the Newman Government. Neatly timed, Clive thinks, to sling a bit of mud during the state election campaign next March, although this looks set to backfire on him big time. There’s a few tens of millions down the gurgler, although what the inquiry will achieve, and swhat it will be able to rectify, is very much unanaswered questions.

Bentley thinks this little bit of political spite will at least get Palmer some friends in low places.

Having achieved that wasteful piece of costly malarkey, Palmer later in the week again donned his tinfoil and coathanger cap, but the voices have still managed to get through, telling him that the News Ltd is going to close down the Townsville Bulletin and it will become a ‘print shop’.

Yeah, right, Roopie is about to chuck away the only-game-in-town monopoly that despite woeful editorial management, still makes around $10million annual profit. But the Palmersnorus’s panting pronouncement started a minor Twitter storm, like this:

And such is the paper’s belief in sensationalized bullshit, it felt compelled to take the comment seriously, repeating this calming if erroneous statement.

They’ve been forced to say that ‘we are here to stay’ quite often, but as Tonto once famously said to the Lone Ranger when under Apache attack, ‘what’s this we business, white man?’ Sure, the paper has been here for 134 years, but the willfully destructive Goths of News Ltd have only been around for a couple of decades. Using ‘we’ in this sense is insulting to generations of fine journalists who worked happily and skillfully for the Bulletin before News plunged it down into tabloid turpitude and a circulation nosedive.

There is little doubt staff are overworked and undermanned without the usual support of subs with local knowledge. Not that any subs could’ve countered this latest bit of sloppy and damaging reporting from Josh Alston about the struggling Bowen Road motel strip on September 24.

Last Thursday, The Magpie received this self-explanatory howl of outrage from one Beverley Cooper.

Bully 24th September, photo of 5 moteliers and articles read that the Motel Palms has closed its door and Spanish lace Motor Inn fear they would be next.

We are the Motel Palms and our doors are OPEN.  Yes, the motel has been sold but until it settles we are trying to make a living.  How do we do this if a newspaper story informs our regulars and traveling guests to look elsewhere for accommodation.

Of course I rung and spoke with the editor.  When asked where they had got their information from her reply was “Oh I am sorry it was a misunderstanding”

They corrected the edition online immediately.  But the correction in the newspaper was, as you would expect, in an area of no concern to normal readers.  Back on front page under The Townsville Bulletin Office address and phone numbers for home deliveries, classifies etc. 

By goodness how can they print something like that about a business without first checking the facts.  What damage can be done…………..Still cranky and needed to vent…………..sorry.

This is an age old ploy of newspapers, tucking away their dirty linen in obscure places.

And you’ll note, despite the obvious distress and damage the story caused, it is a ‘correction’, not an ‘apology’. The ‘Pie asked Ms Cooper to whom she had spoken at the paper:

When I asked the lady who answered the phone if I could speak with a person who manages the Journalists she said that she was the editor.  Unfortunately I do not remember her name.  And obviously she was not Lachlan Heywood…………so I have been fobbed off.

The ‘Pie would guess the Chief of Staff probably would not have claimed to be the editor (Christ, who’d want to?) so it was likely Managing Editor Ann ‘Attila the Hen’ Roebuck (job description: to smile colleagues in the back). She’s been a very efficient fobber-off over the years, as well as allowing anonymous ‘attack letters’ to be published. In one recent instance, where a local company was clearly defamed, and the company director told the editor the female staff were devastated at what had been published, the paper offered to organise ‘a free facial for all the girls’. Classy stuff.

The Magpie would like to point out that while he has a bit to say about reporter Josh Alston lately, he is clearly an overworked victim here himself. He is prey to the Bulletin’s understaffing policy, where News Corpse southern counting houses take much greater priority over responsibility to, and jobs in, this community. That in itself should warn all reporters to be extra careful with peoples’ livelihoods and reputations.

Another sterling effort from the paper that is so much ‘for the North’, and its battlers.

Rambling on.

Every week for more than 12 years, The ‘Pie has found ways to point out what a weird world it is in which we live. (Easier to point out after he resigned from the Astonisher … easier still with folks like Bligh, Abbott, Palmer and Newman et al around.)

Radio station 4Triple T’s excellent motto ‘Diversity With Tolerance’ has long been a mournful cry of hope in the wilderness of this weird world, but that ideal has really been trampled – along with any vestige of human dignity – by the murderous medievalist Muslim sociopaths indulging their blood lust behind the gossamer-thin veil of religious righteousness. All fairytales have a dark and dangerous downside but usually with a redeeming moral. Alas, none is on the horizon in this modern day fantasyland of the fanatic. Memo to all those travelling to join in the lawless thuggery of the Middle East – Daylight Saving starts in the southern states of Oz tomorrow, but over there, don’t forget to put your clocks back 500 years.

So while most of what passes for the civilized world watches, waits and wonders what to do, sideshows of weirdness pop up all over the place. And none greater to demonstrate the differing concerns of different cultures than the face-covering burka versus the ‘free-the-nipple’ movement. (Stop your tittering!)

Now, the free-the-nipple folk who support this … ummm … budding movement – they being a cross section of women and the entire male population of the planet – work under the slogan ‘express yourself, don’t repress yourself’. Perhaps poor wording, but which makes it a handy dual motto that can also be used to support breast feeding in public, although ‘expressing yourself’ instead of letting your baby (or your repressed partner) do the ‘expressing’ seems a tad selfish.

But now, the fashionista trend police have come up with a new tweak to make young women feel inadequate about their bodies. Just after getting over the thigh gap … known in coarser circles as the box gap … budding females must now be concerned about the ‘nipple meridian’. In plain English, that means the ‘ideal’ symmetry of the female boob, i.e how much of the fun bag is above, and how much is below, the nipple (no pix, sorry – although no doubt JH has a whole library).

The ideal, we’re told, is a 45:55 ratio, with 45 per cent on top, 55 per cent below. London-based plastic surgeon – what else? – Patrick Malluci studied 1300 people, 87% of whom rated breasts with the 45:55 ratio as their favourite. This paragon of titillating tits now has its own descriptor – it is known as a ‘beckoning breast’. The ‘Pie kids you not. He is old fashioned, and will stick to ‘perky’.

Related trivia break: in 35 American states, it is illegal for women to show their nipples in public and that includes breast feeding. In Louisiana, gals letting it all hang – or dangle – out can cop up to three years in chokey for taking the breeze. And this from the country leading the charge against the female repressive medieval world of Islam.

Of course, this anatomical fascination for males begins early.

In the name of equality, will we shortly be facing a fashion imperative for ‘budgie balance’, coupled with the MMM ratio, the Male Member Meridian, a sort of angle of the dangle desirability.

What bothers The ‘Pie will be strident female demands aligned with Tanya Plibersek’s comment that she’d rather Tony Abbott didn’t appear in public in his Speedos but it’s a free country, so burqa wearers shouldn’t be singled out.

In the name of equality, will we shortly be facing a fashion imperative for ‘budgie balance’, coupled with the MMM ratio, the Male Member Meridian, a sort of angle of the dangle desirability. Will metrosexual blokes now be required to face the chaff-bag needle and binder-twine treatment to equalize what has always been a lopsided affair of nature? Upsizing and downsizing may become an eye-watering issue. If gals get boob jobs, then should blokes get bag jobs? This will be the price of being a dedicated follower of fashion, not that it will bother The ‘Pie, who is past it all, a sort desiccated follower of fashion … not to mention passion.

Onward.

The Fuckwittery Award for assine spin this week goes to one Fraser Neill, basketball’s boss cocky … and cocky boss.

Channel Ten has decided it won’t be televising any of the Crocs home games from their new venue at RSL stadium, and only four of their away games in the coming season. Replying to the predictable howls of outrage, Mr Neill had a risible stab at positive spin. This from the Astonisher story:

‘He suggested fans should treat the snub as an opportunity to see the club play live.

“Townsville fans do have the opportunity to watch every single home game this season — at their new venue,” he said.’

And here’s your opportunity to go dunk yourself, you patronising chucklehead.

Speaking of such, Canberra’s representative in Townsville Ewen Dumbo Jumbo Jones may end up singlehandedly changing his party’s name from the LNP to the SFP – the Smack Forehead Party. The sale of Panadol to the party’s backroom boys and hierarchy has skyrocketed since Dumbo fluked himself into office.

His latest headache-inducing act came about, as usual because of two of our man’s outstanding attributes … he is not a team player, and he hasn’t the foggiest about politics. It all started with this …

… in which Jones, seeking cheap publicity and without reference to anybody, or certainly anybody with any political nous, encouraged Queensland footy hero and now puppydog-trained senator Glenn Lazarus to back the super stadium concept. The story told us that Lazarus ‘expressed interest in travelling to Townsville to meet with project stakeholders’.

SMACK – foreheads stinging all round. Of course Lazo would love to come to Townsville, because the Palmer United party is going to be the LNP’s main headache in next year’s state election, one way or another. And Jones has effectively sponsored a PUP general to enter the enemy camp and do a bit of fame-related politicking. An invitation to make your opponent look good is, to say the least, an interesting tactic.

Then … oh, the timing is exquisite … Lazo – now best buddy of the LNP’s Dumbo Jones – is the Palmer centurion who this week managed to get the senate to set up the possibly unconstitutional and certainly time wasting inquiry into the Newman Government. Cry havoc, and let loose the chihuahuas of political war.

SMACK, SMACK AND THUD AGAINST THE NEAREST WALL.

Err, Ewen, that is Campbell Newman’s LNP Government, mate. Remember the LNP, do you? The party that sat your ever-expanding, totally dumb arse on the well paid plush of federal parliament, where you occasionally spend some time when not being ejected for being an unproductive, loudmouth, self-promoting buffoon. Your mate Lazo isn’t quite as dumb as you, he knows the damage the timing of this inquiry can do, and the value of being hosted by you into enemy territory.

The ‘Pie cares not a whit about the effectiveness of this inquiry ploy, but he does care about having a politically aware representative looking after our interests. This inquiry has been on the cards for a while, although no one thought it would succeed, so there are those backroom boys who see this as nothing short of political treason. That, or crass studpidity.

As if all that isn’t enough, you then decide that it’s a smart idea to lump in all people on unemployment benefits with the tiny percentage you describe as couch dwelling, junk-food eating, X-box playing bludgers on the public purse (jeez, you oughtta talk!). That’s a real smart move in a city with some of its highest unemployment in decades, especially since many of the your government’s policies have stifled job creation. All those ‘bludgers’ have a vote, as much as you’d dearly love to pass an amendment that to vote, you must be employed.

Dumbo, you’d better hope and pray that Wingnut Abbott keeps cocking up big time on the home front, because if he suddenly starts looking home and hosed electorally, there are those in the LNP hierarchy (believe The ‘Pie on this) who will press for nominations for Herbert to be thrown open to test the availability of a suitable person with just a bit of loyalty. And brains.

Enough now it is away to Poseurs’ Bar, for the latest in our pub debating series. Over the past few weeks, we’ve had lively exchanges on

Gillard, sinner or  saviour?

Palmer, brilliant or buffoon?

and Rudd, dud or dudded?

But tonight’s debate is going to be tricky but an absolute corker. We’ll be arguing ….

Jacqui Lambie, idiot or moron?