And it turns out that that is a $150,000 mayoral opinion paid for by the ratepayers. Not that the mayor has any intention of disturbing the Townsville Enterprise kiddies playing cubby house down at Wishing Well House… or their annual $750,000 pocket money courtesy of pissed-off ratepayers.
Also, spin of the week reaches hilariously dizzy heights from Queensland Airport’s management, including Kevin ’The Gormless’ Gill, and the Daily Astonisher (but of course) for their take on disastrous regional passenger numbers …
MP goof Aaron Harper also tries it on with numbers, and he also thinks we’re as silly as he is …
Kiddies in kuffs … Donald Trump comes down hard on toddler terrorists …
Bentley On Crisis City.
There is an old somewhat crude Australian saying – ‘get off the table, Mabel, the money’s for the beer’. That was the jocular Aussie way of saying ‘you have clearly misunderstood the situation at hand’. The Magpie’s message to Mayor Mullet is that its time to get off that table, Jenny, you are making an A Grade dill of yourself by thinking we are all mugs. You reveal yourself as a political bankrupt floundering for relevance, with your latest classic ‘look over there, not here’ beads and blankets feel-good stuff for the huddled masses of Townsville. There is certainly bugger all chance that you could even fleetingly acknowledge your seemingly wilful and politically driven financial mismanagement since becoming mayor, forcing you to borrow money to pay staff.
Seems it ain’t just water going down the gurgler.
But despite that, The Mullet has decided to give a $150,000 ‘vision thing’ contract to a couple experienced but superannuated advertising marketing bods, Don Morris and David Williams (Morris is co-founder of super ad agency MoJo way back when … and currently a director of Ardent Leisure , inter alia operators of creaky and deadly Dreamworld on the Gold Coast).
The Astonisher says ‘the council’ called in the boys, but the ‘Pie would be surprised if they even knew about it. Not that that matters, we all know how it works down in Walker Street, there’s just one shot caller in those parts.
The plan is that Da Boyz will put together a lot of words to tell us how they think we should move ahead over the next two or three decades!
They will formulate their cunning plan in part by reviewing all the council’s previous planning documents, which the ever reliable Shari Tagliabue helpfully lists in her excellent column on the subject: The Townsville CBD Master Plan (2013)The Townsville City Waterfront Priority Development Area Development Scheme (2015), the Townsville City Plan (2014), the Waterfront Promenade Master Plan(2015), the North Queensland Stadium Master Plan (2016) and the North Queensland Arts and Cultural Centre Scoping Study (2015). The cost of all that lot runs into the millions, and all done on Mayor Mullet’s watch. We will now get another $150,000 of the bleedin’ obvious guff gussied up with buzz words, social engineering and shining insincerity from yet another couple of carpetbaggers. It will then be promptly shelved ‘until the climate is right’.
BUT ISN’T THIS EXACTLY WHAT TOWNSVILLE ENTERPRISE IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING … AND CLAIMS TO BE DOING … COURTESY IN PART TO THE $750,000 ANNUAL STIPEND OF RATEPAYERS MONEY?
Well, apparently not. Quoth Mayor Mullet: ‘The new masterplan would identify tourism and infrastructure opportunities over the coming decades (FFS decades!!) which Townsville Enterprise would then aim to deliver.’
Not ‘would then deliver’, but ‘aim to deliver’, a clear suggestion that they’ll do their best but gosh, who knows, these things aren’t easy …zzzz …
The ‘Pie would suggest that rather than thinking big about the next 30 years (an absolutely ridiculous concept in itself), people hereabouts are more interested in piddling little matters like water security, rampaging criminals, jobs, a properly staffed council and high rates. $150,000 would long way towards an expert in one or more of these fields, but no, we get a beads and blankets feel good money splurge to make The Mullet look like she’s visionary.
But this is far from a hasty thought bubble … it is a deliberate ploy from a politically bankrupt mayor, it is nothing more than a wish-a-thon of mass distraction which this city does not need. Nor can afford.
Spun Yard: From The In Case You Missed It File
It’s a lively old time in the comments section each week, but The ‘Pie knows through tracking that quite a few folks miss out on some good stuff, so there’ll be the occasional catch-up. Like this.
- The Magpie January 31, 2017 at 11:07 am(Edit)
- Spinning the spin.
- Anybody fancy a bet out there? A bet with a difference? The difference is that the winner gets nothing, but the loser has to buy a subscription to the digital Bulletin. The wager will be that the Townsville Bulletin will splash a big story (who knows, maybe even FP) about the increase in traffic through the Townsville Airport in the past year …. up whole .5% – no. not a typo, that is half of one percent. Queensland Airports have just released passenger movement stats year on year for the past two years for its four Queensland landing strips. And the media release brings the art of insulting spinning to a new height, which means the bet will be run verbatim by the Astonisher with some weasel words from Chairman Gill with another call for a ticket tax to subsidise QAL’s bottom lines with terminal improvements. First the salient facts
- Then the spin.
- The media release is headlined RECORD PASSENGER MOVEMENTS ACROSS QAL AIRPORTS IN 2016 . Some goose named Chris Mills (QAL seem to specialise in this variety of CEO) then gives a very selective overview of the statistics, ignoring the impact that two out of his four airports went backwards, Townsville recorded a minimal increase and the 5.3% overall growth was due entirely to the undoubted success of the Gold Coast’s pulling power and events (which of course is nothing to do with the airport management per se). The Gold Coast also obviously has pushing power, too, with 1.1 million international flyers in the year. And that’s where the increase that allows this trumpeting of a non-achievement to be disguised. Because if it were not for that 19.5% jump in international passengers, the overall outcome would be a disheartening drop of 14.2%. But there is some good news from Goosey Goosey on the Gold Coast. Gliding over Townsville’s stats, Mills says, ‘ GCA’s Project LIFT includes the expansion of the terminal building and additional aircraft parking stands. The project has commenced and development will be completed in stages over the next few years.’ Next few years? So that means the company appears to have backed away from the ticket tax, and we can thank Qantas for that, which has been very frank in telling the avaricious and scheming QAL to upwards shove the idea arsewards. But why the bet? Well, immediately after the above quote, Goosey goes on: ‘At Townsville Airport, QAL will start work on the initial stage of its terminal redevelopment, Project Alive, this year. The development will provide faster and more efficient service for travellers, deliver additional retail choice and modernise the existing terminal facility.’ And that, folks, will be the thrust of the Astonisher coverage as a supposed boost for their mate Gill down at the Dudley Do Nothings. NEWSFLASH FOR QAL AND GOOSEY MILLS: In Townsville, you are a bloody monopoly, you clots … no matter what you do, your activities will have absolute zero effect on passenger numbers. If Gill’s and your claims that the tarting up is needed for more traffic, show us where the stampede to the railway station is for the two day ride to Brisbane, or the traffic jams on the Bruce. It remains a source of wonder that we countenance a chairman of our ‘peak tourism marketing authority (‘doin’ a helluva a job, boys and girls’) gets away with advocating a ticket tax to make travel more expensive to and from Townsville, all for his company’s bottom line in asset value.
And the very next day …
The Magpie February 1, 2017 at 9:49 am (Edit)
Ha Ha Told You So, Dept of:
That didn’t take long, did it? As The Magpie predicted yesterday, selective reporting at its shining best.
And so on.
Another commenter bemoaned that the flight time to Brisbane was too short for movies to be shown. To which The ‘Pie replied:
The Magpie January 31, 2017 at 1:05 pm (Edit)
Yeah, its a bummer about those movie lengths. But The ‘Pie hears that movies of a suitable length have been introduced on the Palm Island-Townsville run … they fit the 20 minute flight time perfectly, including about 19 minutes of ads … showing this week – ‘The Achievements Of Townsville Enterprise': next week ‘The Thoughts Of Chairman Gill’.
The Slow Motion Train Wreck Continues
Goodness me, can’t that Trump mouthpiece Sean Spicer get our PM’s name right … Sean, mate, listen closely … it is NOT Trunbull, it is Talkbull. Talkbull, got it? FGS, man!
But that is of minor import during a week when the same shouting ball of wax, as Spicer has been described, justified the apparent handcuffing of a young three or four girl.
The Magpie
January 31, 2017 at 9:52 am (Edit)
So now it’s Donald War On Toddlers – really. Now the madness really sets in.
This was tweeted from Dulles Airport.
A closer look doesn’t confirm that the child is in handcuffs, but certainly seems restrained …
… but it’s a story in itself if US authorities are issued with small Kiddy Kuffs (in a variety of colours?) Adult cuffs wouldn’t work.
But you can bet the spin is she wasn’t cuffed, so its the rotten media’s lying again … never mind that the blameless (no evidence of wrongdoing) parents certainly are.
As usual, Trump is unrepentant. His press secretary, the ‘shouting ball of wax’ Sean Spicer, when was asked about the child, replied ‘to assume just because of someone’s age or gender or whatever that they don’t pose a threat would be wrong.’
The ‘Pie wonders what the ‘whatever’ in that statement covers … Spicer and Trump’s fellow aliens perhaps? Seems there’s no interplanetary border controls.
But they’d make a quid on a 20% tariff on tin foil hats.
No Mercy For May
British PM Theresa May refuses to strongly condemn The Trumpet’s fascist edicts, much to the mystification … but The Guardian’s Steve Bell thinks it was the warm nature of their in-depth meeting..
Bummer!!
Phew, that’s just as well, then … news today that Kylie Minogue has broken up with her intended husband, pommy actor Joshua Sasse – she apparently sprung him playing hide the toreador’s sword with some Spanish senorita. But it’s all to the greater good, because many were upset when Kylie recently that said once married, she would ditch ‘Minogue’ in favour of her married moniker, ‘Sasse’. Which means we would’ve been subjected to endless hack jokes about Kylie(‘s) Sasse … as though we haven’t had enough of those already.
Caught on hols.
A digression while we’re in this area of tasteless smutty Magpie humour. A couple of readers – The ‘Pie suspects it was the same one under different names – got very warm and moist with indignation over last week’s glimpse of a pair of boobs. God knows what fit of vapours they’ll suffer reading this.
During the week, The ‘Pie innocently asked a simple question involving another female star, which created some mild interest.
The Magpie
February 3, 2017 at 9:30 am (Edit)
Question of the day:
So Beyonce is pregnant – how could they tell?
- Cantankerous but happy
February 3, 2017 at 9:57 am (Edit)
The matching bump on the front to go with the one out the back I suppose.
- The Magpie
February 3, 2017 at 2:47 pm (Edit)
Christ, in that case and things are measured in bump-size balance, if Serena Williams ever gets up the duff, she’ll be having quintuplets
- Roony Rotten
February 3, 2017 at 5:26 pm (Edit)
Blimey! Think of the litter that might be produced by Kim Kardashian if that is the indicator for multiple births.
Readings From The Astonisher
Even when not committing schoolboy howlers in the headlines, the Astonisher continues to be tripped up in the fine print. A story about a rural eviction made it seem banks now insist that you sit down with them and think about things – not talk, just think – before any action. …
meditation? I’m thinking about it.
… and a rather amazing image is conjured up by this slip about projected Chinese New Year activities …
Hmmm, lion dancing is so old hat, line dancing for Chinese New Year sounds more fun. No doubt featuring the Beijing Bootscooters? Yree Yrah .
And Henry Ford’s immortal saying ‘history is bunk’ would apply to this unchecked letter to the iditor.
For the record (sigh) Captain Cook popped around in 1770, he never sailed into Sydney Harbour (he missed the entrance to port Jackson as he sailed north at night) and Australia Day celebrates Arthur Phillips First Fleet arrival in 1788 (sans Capt Cook, who had been dead for nine years after a less than successful Hawaiian holiday ).
But it was letter of which Rodney Culleton or Senator Malcolm Roberts would have been proud. Ben Bogan obviously was, he allowed it to be printed. But then this a is a paper that even gets its slogans back to front.
And Pollies Wonder Why He Don’t Believe Them
In Friday’s Astonisher, Thuringowa pretend MP Aaron Harper told us that work on a $3.3 million project of 12 single bedroom units had started. But his accompanying boast that the project would provide work for 120 tradies has been stridently questioned by a long-standing industry heavyweight. (He’s a friend of long standing, so The Magpie won’t drag him down by identifying him). “I can’t think of more than 10 tradies needed for such a project, and even if you gave them a couple of offsiders each, there wouldn’t even be a third of the claimed jobs,’ our man said, before giving Mr Harper a free – and accurate – character reading. The voters are waiting their turn for the same pleasure.
The Mullet Will Need To Watch Her Back
A well known chap about town tells The Magpie he spied iditor Ben ‘Bogan’ English playing footsy with TCC CEO Adele The Impaler Young during the week at a city noshery. Interesting move for a CEO, a bureaucrat employed by the city and in this case, hand-picked as hatchet woman by the mayor herself, to be having a bit of a (strictly professional) canoodle over dim sims and Peking Duck with a journo. Seems there were what our man believes were some other council staff there but no councillors or mayor. Given that Ms Young is a known ALP headkicker and schemer (just ask people who knew her in NT and SA), it seems Mayor Mullet took prudent steps to keep her favourite iditor’s hands above the table. Because also present was the fragrant and attractive personal assistant to the mayor, to ensure that The Impaler did not attempt to be personally impaled by her guest of honour.
Although ‘Death By Chopstick’ would make a great headline.
And an idle thought: given recent revelations about Richo’s increased presence in town, wonder if he had anything to do with The Impaler’s soft parachute landing into the CEO’s job? Just askin’.
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