It’s The So-Called Silly Season – But Isn’t It Always Here In The Nest?

The ‘Pie is boxing on but briefly this Boxing Day.

Not much politics, indeed just an odd thought or two – like the possibility Vern Veitch could remain our deputy mayor no matter who wins the mayoralty race. Silly season indeed.

But there’s always room for the Astonisher. So who’s been a naughty little paper during the year, then? You can’t fool Santa, and it seems the Astonisher got a red card from the man in red for its many misdeeds in 2015. Not the least of which was ….

He Was Framed – Almost.

The new editor for the Astonisher professes a great interest in the digital side of the business, so maybe he can let us see the big picture. Or at least all of it. This from comments during the week.

 

A Final Bit Of Bling For The Astonisher Trophy Display Case.

And on Tuesday, the paper won this year’s final Steggles Egg On Face Trophy they didn’t much ask as tell ask Santa … and nature … and God … what they were going to get for Chrissy.

And guess what? Christmas Day was dryer than a lawyer’s laugh. Ditto Boxing Day.

You’d like to think that given the year just gone and a few preceding it, that, of all entities, a newspaper would avoid stating the future as fact. Maybe new editor (he is yet to prove he deserves the coveted title of ‘iditor) Ben English will be a little less bumptious.

Basically, a silly fronter further cementing the paper’s growing reputation for irrelevancy.

How It Can Be Done

Here’s a little reminder of the importance of sub-editingThe Guardian paper runs an occasional series with the overall title ‘ A moment that changed me …’. More on that in a future blog, but as a little gift to the Astonisher … one shudders to think how it would’ve handled this headline.

Shows that punctuation and capital letters are soooo important in headlines. Although, no comma and cap in this one would’ve made for a more interesting story. Wait until the pooch falls in lust with your leg, lady.

An Idle Thought

Could political gymnastics in the local arena see Vern Veitch remain as Townsville’s deputy mayor after the next election … no matter who becomes mayor?

Could it work like this? Vern sews up Division 3 as an independent (that’s the smart money at this moment) and the remaining seats are split 4-5 between Labor and LNP … oops, sorry, that should be Team Mullet and GI Jayne’s Irregulars. So there are several permutations that could result … Mullet gets back in, but only has four councillors, so she might offer Vern the deputy doo dahs job in order to secure his vote to make it 6-5. (Yes yes, you’d have to be off your meds to contemplate such a thing, but after the last election, who knows?) Vern would have decide if he’d be more use (and financially better off) with such an arrangement between political enemies. But remember, the boarding house of political accommodation is full of strange bedfellows. Like Nats and Greens.

Or GI Jayne finds herself one short of a governing majority, and offers the same deal to man she refused to enlist to her ranks for the election campaign.

Could it be our own Deputy Doo Dah’s ummm … Doo Dah Doo Dah Dey?

If either of those scenarios eventuate, Vern’s only consideration would be simple – the considerable monetary difference the deputy doo dah enjoys lover your ordinary grass-fed councillor. Not likely to be a sway factor for him at this time in his career, and he would probably be in a more interesting position as a non-aligned balance of power deal-broker … and he wouldn’t have some woman nagging him in the background. Reckon he would stay independent.

There ya go, said it was the silly season.

Some Gifts That Should Have Been Given

In a moment of great inspiration, regular commenter and Magpie mate from way back, Sandgroper outdid The ‘Pie in flights of fancy during the week, coming up with a list of some suitable seasonal gifts for those in the public eye in 2015.

Ian Macfarlane: Liberal minister/ turned Liberal backbencher/ turned National ministerial hopeful/ turned Liberal outcast gets his pick from the large collection of loyalty cards currently on offer.

Clive Palmer: Former tycoon, now learning how to run a small business , receives a ‘Jurassic Park’ DVD and a collection of Transformers from ‘The Age of Extinction.’

Bronwyn Bishop: Given her love of alternative transportation, Bronny will enjoy one of those personal hoverboards so she can continue to travel in rarified air just a little above the common herd.

Bill Shorten: With an approval rating in the teens, Bill’s only chance of leading Labor to the next election is for him to remain anonymous. That can be achieved with Harry Potter’s Cloak of Invisibility or a Star Wars Stormtrooper helmet.

Tony Abbott: Our former PM gets a bag of sugar to take away the taste of onion and defeat — and to sweeten a bad case of sour grapes.

Scott Morrison: A new electric carver to replace the blunt knife left by Joe Hockey, who was not good at making cuts.

Joe Hockey: A jar of Vegemite to remind him that Australian taxpayers are rewarding his abject performance by funding his ambassadorial salary as well as his swingeing parliamentary pension.

Barnaby Joyce: To the man who spent $670,897 in taxpayer funds on two office fit-outs, an Ikea voucher to remind him of realistic prices for room renovations.

And finally, a simple but appropriate gift for a local lad…

Julian Musumeci: A short length of coloured string to tie around his finger as a reminder of what he is carrying in his backpack.

Over For Another Year, But The Memory …

Did a (not-so) loved one visit this part of the store?

But the Little Helpers are on a well earned break, not that they have to leave the North Pole, according to climatist Tim Costello …

 Some Presents Santa No Longer Brings

In times past, Mr Claus was the bearer of some gifts that nowadays would have the PC police grab him in an unforgiving Christmas Hold – as in handful of etc.

… or another themed from the Middle East

But the annual job carries its special perils nowadays, some for just Santa ….

… and others for all his contingent, especially when taking short cuts through strife-torn airspace.

And US Homeland Security were asleep on the job, but not The Donald, who ensured America that Santa could make his appointed rounds.

And how many of you identify with the modern reality of yuletide gift giving bringing people closer together with appreciation, love and understanding.
The ‘Pie trusts that everyone there is clicking into the Magpie’s Nest. … maybe not, they’re not laughing – but then again …???

But perhaps the youth of today is screen blind. This simple and amusing little Where’s Wally?-type puzzle has gone viral, apparently bamboozling kids around the world. There is a panda in there somewhere, can you spot it?

Which doesn’t say much for the future of the world … The ‘Pie got in five seconds. True.

Next week, The Pie’s own media awards, THE WANKLEYS … still time to get your nominations in.

Here’s hoping we’re all heading for a riotously funny 2016 … hopefully for all the right reasons … and good luck with that.

Happy New Year.