Is Adani our new Queensland Nickel? Everything indicates an even shorter shelf life.

What’s the Hindi for ‘yokel’? We are being played for suckers … the Indians must be laughing up the sleeves of their khadis at the gullibility and desperation of the Queensland yokels.

Digital dilemma … Ben Bogan takes his begging bowl out to the public. As Effie always said ‘How embarrassment!’

Front page of the year goes to … no, it sure ain’t the Astonisher.

The ‘Pie thinks The Bulletin’s Survey Of The North could be fined tuned … he generously passes on his advice,,,

A dance video just for fun … guaranteed to get your toe atappin’.

AND bumper Bentley this week … two telling and hilarious offerings from our fab ‘toonist …

So Let’s Start There …

A little later in this post, The Magpie will go on … and on, and on … about the possibility of a looming Adani debacle, but suffice to say, if Canberra breaks its own laws to find a lazy $2billion for the Indian shysters mine-to-port rail line, Malcolm Talkbull will have a little explaining to do in this neck of the woods about his priorities. Bentley explains, as only he can ….

Yup, if they make a movie about Townsville, it’ll be a reality remake of that gothic fairytale –‘The Never Ending Story’.

Little Blue Jagged Pill

And that segues neatly into Bentley’s other effort this week, with a different sort of never-ending story which had a happy ending this week. Rolling Stone Mick Jagger has become a dad for the eighth time … and at the age of 73. Bentley was impressed.

All of which proves that the old hipster is off his rocker sometimes. And one hopes he at last gets some satisfaction (groan, had to be said, yeah yeah)..

Speaking Of ‘Off His Rocker’

The Trump Express is boarding more and more bizarre passengers as it gathers speed before inevitably going off the rails. Trump will nominate Gary Cohn, the president of leading rip-off bank Goldman Sachs (GFC anyone?) to lead his National Economic Council, and congresswoman Cathy McMorris Rodgers, a fossil fuels advocate and climate change skeptic, to run the Department of the Interior. The world continues to watch with the mesmerized gaze of a cobra confronted by an orange-haired mongoose.

But One Publication Isn’t Fooled

The venerable Time magazine loves to create a little frisson with its person of the Year selection, and they guaranteed themselves some flak this week, despite being accurate and hardly a surprise.

There have been more than a few grumping about Time magazine choosing The Trumpet as Person of the Year, but it is more than appropriate, according to the publisher. The annual figure is chosen for their influence on world affairs rather than popularity. Time points out that controversial figures such as Adolf Hitler (1938), Joseph Stalin (1939 and 1942), Nikita Khrushchev (1957) and Ayatollah Khomeini (1979) have also been granted the title for their impacts.

And ya gotta lerve that ‘’divided States of America’ jibe. But the Time editors refused to comment on whether they had their merry little jest at the Trumpet’s expense by making sure the positioning of his head emphasised the ME in TIME. Several commenters noted they looked like devil’s horns. Clever stuff.

Chortle wheeze

The ‘Ahem’ Of The Week

This goes to Crikey’s on-the-ball media reporter Myriam Robin.

She had a nice little scoopette on the Melbourne Herald Sun’s sexual harassment problem and the low key resignation of veteran Shane Burke earlier this year.

But, oh dear, most unfortunate choice of words under the circumstances, when Myriam wrote: ‘A veteran staffer at the Herald Sun, Burke was seen as a safe pair of hands, and given a lot of responsibility in the newsroom.’

… a description with which several Hun female staffers would apparently strongly disagree.

Another Joke That Will Soon Wear Thin

To pinch and paraphrase a great line from pommy funnyman Bob Monkhouse, Donald Trump says ‘They all laughed when I said I’d be president … well, they’re not laughing now.’ Much has been made of the possible links between Trump’s America and Putin’s Russia. But Putin is likely to take every opportunity to visit his US buddy in the White House, because while they may become closer, it will be only in some ways … other differences will never be conquered.

Given the brevity of their attire, Donald’s strumpettes no doubt will be visiting this NY specialist hair emporium.

But Few Laughs on The Local Scene

Are we suckers or what? Do we ever learn? Answers – yes and no, in that order.

Led by a financially rooted government, our chumpdom is endorsed by a Townsville mayor and our newspaper editor both displaying the vision of a Mr Magoo, the ego of a Warren Beatty and the honesty of Pinocchio. What a bride burning bunch of brigands the Palaszczuk government has been taken in by.

The Magpie cares not a fig whether the Carmichael mine venture goes ahead or not, and certainly, jobs for the region would be great news BUT he does care under what conditions it goes ahead. All indications are we are riding for a fall. The old bird will leave to others the barracking about the environment yay and nay, but parts of the this Adani ‘deal’ beggars belief

A handshake (WTF!?!) deal on jobs for locals, including an unwritten (you’re kidding!) guarantee that no 457 visa workers will be involved? The Bulletin called it an ‘ironclad guarantee’, and it is only in the sense that Ned Kelly was ‘ironclad’ too when up to no good. And a rail line which possibly may not go ahead without a low interest loan from the Australian taxpayer, the refusal of same which could see the whole deal go kaptzofinito.? And yet another court challenge to be negotiated?

So much trust and contractual pressing the flesh, all with an Indian billionaire, a species known for its transparency, probity, honesty, social conscience and silly dancing? Pull the other one, it yodels.

The dance they’re leading us on makes us the silly ones, especially if we don’t ask a few more probing questions, rather than the Bulletin’s disgraceful abrogation of being a community watchdog with it’s nonsense article about ‘the truth about Adani’. Ben, mate, you don’t get ‘the truth’ by simply quoting the company or the government on key points, all saying what you expect a vested interest to say. You are going to end up looking a right Charley out of all this.

For instance, this bloke …

…and won’t his name be a challenge for the subless reporters …  has already shown his slippery side, Asked a straightforward question about whether the Adani would build the rail line even if it didn’t get the low cost loan (to which is NOT entitled under the Australian government’s own rules) JJ had this to say: ‘One of the conditions of the (deal) is very clear that the project is dependent on that (the rail line), so I will leave it at that.’ What is very clear is that this bloke won’t be giving any straight answers any time soon. So don’t bother asking really tricky questions about the current Indian Government investigation of Adani for various business rorts on the home front, that the company is financially over-extended everywhere globally, that the Australian taxpayers $2billion would be controlled by the Adani family in tax havens around the world (try getting that back if things go belly-up), and that the Indian government is on track to ban ALL coal imports within three years.

Then there’s the small Grand Canyon dividing what the company says under oath in court and what it ‘feeds the chooks’ of the media outside. Using their very best Peter Sellars imitation, Adani executives have been boasting they will create ’10,000 or more’ jobs through the Carmichael mine. But under oath in court, the company said it would create a total of 1464 jobs. And that was before they decided to introduce remotely controlled driverless trucks on site. (Here’s a beaut little conspiracy theory – those trucks will be remote controlled from the announced Townsville HQ, but for how long? With modern satellite technology, the remote control centre could easily be transferred to Mumbai … The ‘Pie understands there some vacant office space next door to the Telstra call centre and across from the News Ltd subbing hub.)

The second matter is even more challenging for the Adani carnival barkers. The company says the project’s future does NOT depend on it getting the requested $2billion low interest loan from the Aussie taxpayer for the mine-to-port rail line (to used only by the company), that it can go ahead without it. But here’s the thing: that loan money could only come out of the $5billion Northern Australia Infrastructure fund, and the rules for that fund are that it can only go to projects which would otherwise NOT be financially viable. Adani has told an Australian court the Carmichael Mine is viable. So what have they told the government on the request form, either it is viable (no $2billion loan), or it is not viable – so it shouldn’t go ahead anyway.

Let’s rename Adani Queensland Nickel, then we’ll know where we really stand.

The out and out boosterism by the Bulletin is shameful, aiding and abetting this mob of bride-burning shysters have so far managed to hoodwink so many with nary a thought for the medium term possibilities. Bit we guess it is not unusual as the paper flounders about in a fruitless search for readers (SEE BELOW). Jenny Hill’s brazen political opportunism and trying to look good to get on Labor’s senate ticket, is the beyond crass, but hey, we expect nothing less of a bastard outcome as the result of the canoodling of Ben Bogan and Mayor Mullet.

Bogan’s Heroes

Speaking of that fruitless search for readers, there was an embarrassing first for the Bulletin – probably any paper anywhere – when the Ben Bogan packed up the begging bowl and dragged his none-to-willing crew out to a meet’n’grate … sorry, greet … at the Willows shopping centre this morning. This is bottom-of-the-barrel stuff from an editor.

The likes of the star writers John Andersen and Shari Tagliabue were dragooned into the demeaning venture, which, while hiding behind the cover of ‘have a chat about the issues of the day’ it was really about getting people to sign up for a digital subscriptions, the sales of which have been laughable. So journos and the iditor are now part of the marketing team. Such a noble craft, journalism.

Mind you, The ‘Pie has learned of a way to get a FREE digital subscription, or several in some cases as reported down the MagpieFone. Employers or agencies advertising jobs in the paper are offered free subscription, in one case, up to seven, with the exhortation to ‘gift’ them to people they know. Would be a quick way to lose friends, you’d reckon, particularly if you tried it as a Christmas present..

And A Final Note In This Neck Of The Woods

The Astonisher’s tedious front page punning gets over-stretched 9 times out of 10, being childish rather than clever. And it doesn’t help when it is simply WRONG.

As a commenter pointed out, coal is not an ore ‘never was, never will be’, quoth he. Oresome fail, Astonisher. Again.

Elsewhere The News Silly Season Starts – In Townsville, It Just Continues

Having just recovered from the mayhem caused by the Astonisher %0 Most Influential codswallop, we will shortly be confronted with stories based on meaningless stats gathered from the paper’s annual Survey of the North. The idiocy is obvious, but the Astonsher is missing a golden opportunity to be seen as a ‘with it’ publication. The problem with the questions is the multiple choice answers on offer. So The ‘Pie wises you up, Benny boy. Here’s a sample of answer choices how your paper will gain greater street cred.

How would you rate Mayor Jenny Hill’s performance?

Pretty ordinary

Not too hot

Just so-not-so

What film was she in?

Do you think Townsville Enterprise should…

Give it away already

Give the ratepayers back their money

Claim credit for something THEY”VE actually done

Better still, tell us something they have ACTUALLY done

Seek Govt grant as a sheltered workshop

What does airport boss Kevin Gill do?

Stare

Tries to pick passengers’ pockets

More staring

Sweats

Stares some more

Ben Bogan spends his day …

Thinking inappropriate thoughts about the mayor

Wonder what he did to be lumped this job

Thinks inappropriate thoughts about Patricia O’Callaghan

Counsels staff about the value of ‘truthiness’

How does Patrcia O’Callaghan spend her day?

Beats me

On the phone to see if Colgate’s need a TV model

Clothes shopping

Worries about how long she can get away with it

Looks for something someone else has done so she can agree with it.

Thinks wistful thoughts about Ben Bogan

What is Rabeah Krayem up to. Is he …

*(deleted on legal advice)

*(deleted on legal advice)

*(deleted on legal advice)

*(deleted on legal advice)

And Let The Yoof Have It’s Say – Free The Acronym

Perhaps iditor Ben Bogan’s brand of beads and blankets journalism (‘look over there, not here, look a shiny trinket, here’s a blanket’) could gain more traction if he listened more closely to the needs of those he most wants to read his rag. Especially young people. This is highlighted by an unpublished letter to the iditor which has come in to The ‘Pie’s possession

Dear iditor,

Oi rite to make a sugestin about yr Survey of the North survay.

Lots of us yunger peeple kinda, like, you know, find yer paper really sick, (you being an reely old person, that meens awesomely good) I meen, like us, yu don‘t fink speling reely matters, and we reely dig that yu don’t let fax phuk up a good story.

But Y don yu make the ansers easier for us for the survay? We haven got all day to reed and then fink abt wot we fink. So here is a sampl of wot I meen. For instance, the choyces 4 the question How would you rate Mayor Jenny Hill’s performance, why not make the choyces:

ROLFLMAO

OMG

YAFK

FFS

 

That would be reely awesome.

Thanx

 (NAME WITHHELD BUT HE’S A JCU Media Studies graduate, shortly to be a Bulletin intern)

Now Rupert’s Got The Lot … So More Jobs Will Go

There used to be a jocular saying (back in those far off days when ‘jocular; and ‘Rupert’ could be used in the same sentence) that there were two types of journalists in the world … ‘those who work for Rupert Murdoch and those who are about to’. Whiz forward a few years from those innocent carefree days, and the carnard has become ‘… those who work for Rupert Murdoch and those who are about to be booted by Rupert Murdoch’.

The news on Thursday that News has been allowed to buy APN’s cache of Queensland media outlets has a simple bottom line … Rupert owns the lot in this state … print, that is, and all the associated on line sites. Of note in this neck of the woods is the Mackay Mercury, so expect a flurry of irrelevant stories from the Central and Hibiscus Coasts to fill those awkward spots in the Bulletin between house ads begging for digital subscribers.

But while the back-slapping goes on in the board room, journos and printers should be buying in tinned food for a long cold professional winter. Holt St HQ in Sydney has made it clear there will be cuts and worse to come, as they swap over to emphasis web sites, which command lower advertising rates and therefore a depleted reporting staff imperiously directed to ‘do more with less’. Here are the gory details. 

But To End As Always OnAn Upbeat Note

The ‘Pie is always a sucker for these sorts of vids ... just sit back and enjoy, for no reason except its fun.

And a teaser to end on. The difficulty will depend on your browser, but spot the live Chrissy decoration.

See you next week, keep those comments rolling in during the week … and if you can manage it, keep the site-supporting donations rolling in, too, a few frightening expenses have landed in the last couple of weeks. How to donate button below.