Wishful thinking stories about an upturn in the housing market have been the cause of bitter laughter among the city’s property floggers, but The Astonisher has really gone for our funny bone with its latest in-house ad, in a desperate attempt to raise revenue.
Water creates steam, which as we know is really wet hot air. And boy, has the water security debate generated plenty of that … and bugger all else. The Magpie asks where is the leadership we need in this disgraceful situation.
An retired Bulletin colleague writes a great letter to the paper, asking all the questions about the airport tax that the paper hasn’t and/or won’t ask from their Golden Boy Gill. Well, at least they published the letter, and so will The Magpie.
And the Dudley Do Nothings (aka TEL) actually do something for all to see … outright lying on their website.
And the Astonisher loses one of its best and brightest to local television.
And Bentley has his weekly bee in his bonnet.
Water Torture, Townsville-Style
In one way, there is no water shortage in Townsville it is overflowing with experts … and as every schoolboy knows, the word ‘expert’ comes from ‘ex’ – has been – and ‘spurt’, a drip under pressure. And boy, we’ve been awash with them as the water security debate descends to the depths The ‘Pie initially feared.
First we had a community meeting so every one could voice an opinion.
FFS, WHY, WHAT USE IS THAT? These things are inevitably echo chambers of ignorance, wish lists and/or venom. Or wrong headed attempts as political self-promotion.
This is simply empty activity masquerading as ‘inclusive progress’ meetings like these are both pointless and political smokescreens of absolutely no value which blunts any vital sense of urgency.
Here’s the best possible example – read the following excerpt from the Astonisher’s report on the public meeting and decide exactly what is the take-out.
‘LNP Burdekin MP Dale Last said it would take two years for a second pipeline to be built, even with a decision made today.
“I think it is absolutely imperative that we make the decision and move ahead with that pipeline as a matter of urgency,” Mr Last said.
Katter’s Australian Party MP Bob Katter this week begged the audience at a taskforce forum to consider a new dam on the upper Burdekin River at Hells Gate.
“I plead with you to look at this once-in-a-lifetime situation,” Mr Katter said.
At the same forum, federal Labor MP Cathy O’Toole supported a gravity-fed pipeline from the Burdekin to Townsville and One Nation candidate for Townsville Allan Evans said the community should consider a short-term solution and that Hells Gate would be a long-term project.’
What possible benefit is all that? As if we don’t all know that we are short of water and something must be done without delay … and that something isn’t an endless gabfest. Nor is it a patronizing appointment and timeframe of a final report IN 18 MONTHS TIME. We express our opinion at the ballot box where we select leaders to recognize and act on our community’s urgent needs. In this case, those leaders should be shouting the house down with indignation, kicking Brisbane doors, getting the Feds involved. .
But what do we get? Bentley sums it up better than any words.
And the hard and well meaning work of the Water For Townsville initiative will mean absolutely nothing unless they can turn their 10,000+ Facebook membership into pressure votes. Sadly, the group doesn’t seem to have a clue about what meaningful political action they need to achieve. And it really would be nice if they would stop this ‘we are apolitical’ childish nonsense … Townsville water security IS a political issue, so wake up and use your muscle. Say you will vote for whoever will fix the problem. AND WE HAVE AN ELECTION COMING UP BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR. WAKE UP. If you needed any example of why, we were dished up a huge dollop of smarm from the Queensland’s designated chief drip, Water Minister Mark Bailey, who patted our heads with the patronizing advice ‘We should let the (water) taskforce do their work and not pre-empt outcomes’ of the report they will present in … September next bloody year. If re-elected, what odds he will extend the deadline for another year or more.
Same old, same bloody f@#*ing old.
Oh, C’mon, Now, Fellas, You Really Are Just Making It Up
Question of the week … just how long before the Bulletin marketing and sales people start ringing Beyond Blue?The question is a fair one, now given the naked desperation on show, as the paper runs out of options.
By now, we are used to the Townsville Bulletin iditor Ben Bogan English dishing up a daily diet of ‘alternative facts’ and ‘fake news’, the sort of thing you might expect from their advertising department. But the marketing folks seem just days away from that anguished plea for Beyond Blue counselling, if this last ditch attempt to bring in some dollars is anything to go by.
Note the precise figure quoted, and the prominent word ‘could’. Can’t you just see it now.
PLEASE NOTE: As a responsible blogger, The Magpie would like to advise that if anything written here about Beyond Blue has caused you distress or depression, you can seek skilled help immediately by heading down to Tom’s Tavern and ask for Eddy the Barman, he’s a good listener. And Maisie on the night shift offers practical therapy for the cost of a couple of drinks. Have a couple of beers while you’re there, you’ll feel a lot better. Just don’t ring The Magpie.
The Two Bob Each Way Of The Week
Today’s front page features a ‘brisbane builder’ …
… and this morning’s online story.
OK, Astonisher, which is it, Brisbane or local? But one thing the Astonisher’s apparently independently minded digital and print versions agree on is that we are to have a state-of-the-art stadium. Here’s how the contract was won.
Conversation;
Hi, I’m from Watpac, I’d like to apply for the contract as main contractor on the CBD stadium project. But I have some questions.
Sure, fire away.
I note that the stadium is to be ‘state of the art’. Does this mean you’ll want a sliding roof?
(Laughing) Good God , no.
You’ll want adjustable seating that can adapt to the size and shape of the playing field?
Errr, no.
Will cricket, aussie rules and athletics be held in the stadium?
Nope. Too hot for cricket up here, and Aussie Rules, fffttt, who cares? And we’ve already got a beaut little athletic track and field down in North Ward.
But you’ve already got a beaut little stadium at the moment out at Kirwan.
Don’t be a shit stirrer, Anything else?
Will the capacity be any bigger than the current 26,000?
No, just the same thank you.
Then why are you … oh, never mind. Will you need a roll in- roll-out store-away stage for concerts?
You’re kidding. Look where did you get this ‘state of the art’ crap, it’s not on our application form?
That’s what the Bulletin story said you wanted..
(SIGH) I might have guessed, Nice talking to you, anyway.
Look hang on, how about we build you a stock-standard, pissant little stadium like the one you’ve already got?
Now you’re talking! You know, I think we’re gunna get on real well. Why don’t you come and have lunch with some of my CBD business mates. And I want you to meet my mate, Lozza, he might even swing a couple of Cowboys footy tickets for you. You’ve got the contract! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to ring that bloody fool editor and straighten him out on a couple things.
As Paul Keating Once Said, Always Back Self-Interest
Wespac’s decision that Adani is on the nose, refusing to consider investing in the Carmichael Mine, has nothing to do with the environment and everything to do with shareholder safety. The other big banks seem sure to follow suit. That’s going to make life very interesting for one of the founders of Macquarie Bank, Malcolm Talkbull. If he opts to give these Indian shysters a couple of billion of taxpayers money , we will face the most dire of consequences … Bill Shorten as Prime Minister (errrkk!)
But lil ol’ Townsville Enterprise has hooked its star to Mayor Mullet and the Astonisher, talking up the deal. And in the process, telling lies, like this from their website.
Their offices aren’t called Wishing Well House for nothing. Even Adani itself told a court under oath the real figure would only be around 1500 jobs. On the usual economic modelling of 1 job created by every 4 employed by the project, the best that could expected in a generous estimate would be an extra 400 jobs. Somewhere.
A Quick Visit To Trumptasia
The modern grim fairytale continues apace, with a particularly interesting opinion offered by President Trump, seen here on the left. (We think that’s his media man Sean Spicer on the right.)
Is he channeling Malcolm Talkbull when he ordered a new tax regime?
And it seems some of team aren’t that silly, they’ve come yup with a way to handle their emperor.
From The Invisible To The Exact Opposite
The ‘Pie has never been interested in owning firearms, but he now has a hankering for a shotgun. This urge was prompted with the rise of the drone (no, this is not a story about our mayor’s election). He didn’t know whether to be amused or outraged with the story of the Darwin woman who got home one night so hot her stripped off and dived into her back yard pool, only to be videoed by a drone that suddenly appeared. The ‘Pie would love some target practice if they came around the Nest, although if he was in the nuddy, they’d piss off soon enough anyway.
But drones are just the latest in the modern march towards total Big Brother. Here’s a scary and expensive peek into the future.
A Bold Move
One of the more high profile … and capable … of the diminishing band of Astonisher journalists is jumping ship, heading for television.
The young(ish) lady in question shall remain nameless, since The ‘Pie has been unable to contact her see if it’s OK to talk about this, but The ‘Pie will simply say it is ‘a bold move’ wink wink nudge nudge.
Our gal is a bit of a looker and a bit of a fashionista, but don’t let that fool you. The ‘Pie worked with her when she joined the paper, and apart from turning up to cover court in what to The Magpie’s untrained eye looked like a cocktail dress, she immediately demonstrated not only good basic news nous but also a work ethic which made The ‘Pie look like a slacker (a popular opinion in the newsroom, admittedly).
Seems she might have a gig spruiking the news and current affairs on one of the local channels. She’s no Jo Desmond – no one in this neck of the woods ever will be – but you never know, she’s sure to make her mark. A deserved step up (faint praise considering her present employment) but anyway, The Magpie’s best wishes go with her.
Gormless Gill Lost For Answers
Former Bulletin colleague, ex-sports editor Doug Kingston, haswritten an interesting letter to the Astonisher, Even more interesting is that they printed it.
SO TOWNSVILLE Airport chief operating officer Kevin Gill (TB, April 25) is blaming Qantas for holding up his $40-million terminal upgrade and expansion of facilities.
When this plan was first announced I wrote a letter to the editor asking why the public should pay for these upgrades , which will become assets of Queensland Airports Ltd, which owns the Townsville Airport terminal. The next day Mr Gill phoned me and invited me to his office to discuss his plans. That discussion resulted in us agreeing to disagree whether the public should pay for these new assets.
I gave the analogy of Stockland Shopping Centre making improvements and adding a new retail wing to its complex (charging retailers for the use of the new space) and then hitting its customers with a fee to enter, but was assured this scheme was different.
Despite scores of stories being published on this issue since then, questions raised by me at that meeting remain unanswered. So, Mr Gill, if you want the travelling public to pay for your upgrade, surely we are entitled to know:
Will these new assets, paid for by the public, be included in your company’s balance sheet?
What area of retail space will be created and what rent/lease payments will be received from businesses that occupy the new shops and food outlets?
What rental/lease payments will be received from Virgin for its new Business Lounge?
What additional rental will be asked from Qantas for its improved Business Lounge, should it decide to approve the passenger levy?
What extra income will be received from added car parking spaces? › Will all of this new revenue be included in the terminal’s profit and loss accounts?
Will the $3 levy per passenger per flight be discontinued after the upgrade has been paid for, and how will the public know when this has been achieved? Answers, please – no more meetings.
DOUG KINGSTON, Townsville.
Don’t suppose Iditor ben Bogan who like to tell us why his reporters haven’t asked these questions and reported the non-answers.
And Finally …
…just because it’s about the tricks of language and the guilty conscience.
That’s it for this week. Jump into comments anytime. If you think The Magpie’s Nest is an enjoyable weekly diversion, a bit of a hand covering the blog’s costs would warm the old bird’s cockles. If I’ve caught you in a weak moment, the donate button below.
