This Saturday’s nest is going to be short but as usual never sweet. The real action will emerge overnight, and The ‘Pie is contemplating an extra posting when outcomes become clearer.

That’s not to say the tsunami of comments won’t start start rolling in from tonight onwards … go for it (but do try to keep it funny, although it’s really no laughing matter). But  a tsunami of questions is already battering the vulnerable lowlands of Bizzareland. More on that shortly.

All round, it’s been a week of dorks and berks, both royal and homegrown – and it ain’t over yet.

As it only could in Australia, the nation has been gripped by the outraged goolies this week over what has inevitably been dubbed ‘KnightGate’ by the tabloids. Seems just about no one has been impressed by Wingnut’s bestowal of an Oz knighthood on the Berk of Edinburgh, certainly not Bentley, who in turn, reckons the residents of 1 Buckingham Palace, Pall Mall, aren’t all that chuffed, either.

However, Pickering reckons the Royals have other more immediate matters of concern, and Ma’am doesn’t want hubby sidetracked by Abbott’s honour.

Back to the home state. Today’s election is just the start of a new game of political twister, with the LNP displaying no shortage of ethically-free leadership possibilities. Premier Jeff Seeney? AARRRGH! You’d rather have he of the Dad’n’Dave delivery, The Borg, or the blank canvas of Bert Newton look-alike Tim Nicholls.

Tim Nicholls – new LNP leader?

And such leadership speculation isn’t restricted to the fasci … umm, sorry, conservative side of politics. The headless chooks of the ALP are facing a somewhat less bruising question of leadership. Subject to voter whim, Cameron Dick looks the likely lad to take over from the bland and unobjectionable Anna Alphabet, who can take off her L-plates and retire demurely to the a suitable shadow ministry. (She’ll have to sell off the Tarago, too, they’ll need a proper bus for travel to cabinet meetings now.)

But for The Magpie, the more interesting be this: if the electorate bloodies the nose of the LNP so they’re just hanging on to power, will they still insist that they retain a mandate to flog off state assets? The LNP themselves agree that privatisation has been a pivotal issue, and would therefore be largely responsible for the ultimate swing of the poll. But just because the Brisbane Bantam disappears, don‘t think today is the Day the Arrogance Died – especially if we get Jeff The Galoot Seeney in the saddle.

Jeff Seeney, seemingly suffering a prostrate problem.

This anachronism of born-to-rule squattocracy arrogance could be political Ebola to Queensland. Really, we might even start pining for the Brisbane Bantam’s empty grin and shining insincerity. Other questions will arise as sitting members fall … but anything written today will be an anti-climax and a litany of lost comedic opportunity, so best to give it a while for the dust to settle before we start throwing sand in that particular playpen.

Just about everyone around the world is pondering with deep concentration the outcome of the election, everyone from Germany’s Angela Merkle …

… and Bazza Obama …

israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu …

… and even to the Dali lama, who gets the prize for the most fashionable Reg Grundys.

But no matter what the election wash-up, News Corpse is looking befuddled.

All Roop’s papers were given their riding orders to back the LNP and spin-off projects made possible by asset sales – in Townsville’s case, the super stadium, much desired by those businessmen who control the Townsville Bulletin (after all, what capitalist plutocrat wouldn’t favour sales of public assets?)

While equal space coverage is closely monitored by independent authorities during election campaigns, that is simply a matter of pics and column inches. The paper got in a few half-hearted licks at the LNP and boosted the Labor mob with gussied-up polling well out from the day, but tone, language and sentence construction are altogether another thing. A certain young gent named Anthony Galloway has proved to be a fine exponent of this technique. A lad to watch, now Simpo has delighted us long enough and finally pissed off.

But the best example of Rupert Baldrick’s cunning plan for the LNP came last Sunday from Typo Gleeson’s Sunday Mail. Never mind the Premier’s blackmail threats about agreed projects only going to seats the LNP win, or his unfounded and panicked claims about criminal bikie money funding Labor – both fresh subjects worthy of hard-hitting treatment – Typo decided that a Newman knob polish was the way to go with this fairy floss front page.

But the Astonisher is made of sterner stuff.

Sam The Milk Maid Healey – on the job early.

The combative mind-set of non-existent enmity was echoed here in Townsville early today, as reported in these comments posted this morning about reporter Sam Healey.

The Magpie January 31, 2015 at 10:22 am  (Edit)

Leopard and Spots, Dept of:

Obviously stung by the chidings of The Magpie during the week about the usually out-of-date news of the on-line Bulletin, old Magpie chum Sam The Milkmaid Healey was out an about early today. But early morning milking ain’t easy for a gal, is it, Sam?

NEWS

Townsville candidates start day at biggest booth
• SAMANTHA HEALEY
• TOWNSVILLE BULLETIN
• JANUARY 31, 2015 9:27AM

LNP’s John Hathaway and ALP’s Scott Stewart might be seeking divine intervention having started the day at Townsville electorate’s biggest booth: House of Praise in Mount Louisa.
The candidates were calm and having a chat to voters and each other.’

Crikey, they were ‘calm’!?!
Ummm, as versus what, Sam?

Reply

Lord Howard Hurts January 31, 2015 at 10:30 am  (Edit) Given Ms Healey’s usual stock in trade, it’s a wonder one or both major candidates didn’t mysteriously ‘disappear’, (even if just to the toilet for a fag)‘baffling’ police, who hold ‘fears for their safety’. 
Detective Chief Inspector Helmut Choker believes there are suspicious circumstances.
‘Although they appeared calm to onlookers when chatting to each other, we are anxious for anyone who overheard the conversation to come forward,’ DCI Choker exclusively told The Bulletin.

Tres droll, m’lord.

During the day, using what for the Bulletin is cutting-edge technology – you know it as Twitter – we learned that there was ‘tension ‘ when Kid Crisafulli arrived at the polling station , and had a civilized chat with some bike riders.

Christ they look tyense.

Then, at another booth, ‘police had to be called’ because some potted-bellied, thong-wearing mensa member was wearing a t-shirt that said Fuck Tony Abbott. What that had to do with the police in  this country of free speech one has to wonder.

It’s dangerous out there covering these election thingies. Just hope the outcome doesn’t mean we’ll be subject to endless ‘where’s our stadium?’ bleating for the next couple of years.

But here The ‘Pie will make his own confession … he became a bit befuddled himself when seeking a pic of Sam Healey for this blog. It took him a while, because he had the choice of two likely candidates – to his memory, The ‘Pie hasn’t personally met the lass, but the writing style of one pic had him wondering if this was the required image. Hope the choice was right, and it wasn’t this one!

Geez, if that is Sam, Iditor Pinocchio Heywood is one tough ‘ombre. And all because of a missed hyphen.

But it seems Roop himself is somewhat befuddled, as reported in comments during the week.

The Magpie January 27, 2015 at 12:46 pm  (Edit)

So that’s where they get it from! They say that some companies,like dead fish, start rotting from the head.

So don’t worry about the regular Townsville Bulletin cock-ups, not when the emperor himself gets it wrong on his world twitter stage.

Last Friday, Roop tweeted the following:

Hollywood leftists trash American Hero, show how completely out of touch they are with America. Bravo Clint Eastwood!’

But a small problem. The name of the movie the dodderer was fumbling to remember is American Sniper.

Other matters.

Clever use of visuals to perfectly illustrate the lead story headline goes to this week’s Newsweek magazine – self-explanatory.

Finally, the Nanny State story that actually makes the Italian state off with fairies more than Mary Poppins. A father has been jailed for nine months for child abuse against his two daughters. What did this swine do? Believing his kids to be somewhat overweight – ruled in itself to be ‘psychologically damaging’, he forced them to – wait for it, out there in Kirwan – ‘go ski-ing!’ and eat salads. Is there no end to the male bastardry in this world?

Almost enough to make you vote for Anna Alphabet … well, almost.

Enough now, it away to Poseurs Bar where The ‘Pie hopes to catch up with his new girlfriend, who somehow thinks he is a stalker. Well, actually, she isn’t my girlfriend yet – early days … heh heh heh.