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The Magpie

Saturday, January 13th, 2024   |   158 comments

Mayor Mullet’s Baby Bonus Boo Boo Upsets Her Branch Comrades – They Want Her Censured By HQ.

Jenny Hill must’ve soiled her dainties big time , and has threatened to lawyer up against her own Townsville ALP branch over  accusations she publicly spoke against party policy. But hang on …. doesn’t Jenny Hill continually she is an ‘independent’ mayor? Th ‘Pie has the details of the blow-by-blow bitch slap between the gals.

The Mullet is a fish out of water on the crime issue – she’s copping it from all directions, including mayoral candidate Fran O’Callaghan who has at last introduced some much needed mongrel into her campaign. She has challenged Mayor Mullet with a question we’ve all been asking. And even the Astonisher says the mayor doesn’t have the answers.

What the fuck were they thinking? A brief word on that Woolies boycott bullshit … and the mysterious question of why it all started in the first place.

And the sporting world in uproar, when a croquet champion turns out to be a … ummm … croquette.

The Magpie is well and truly back on the wing, but so are those remorseless bill demanders.  A hand with all that would be good, so if you reckon all the matters you will only ever see here is worth it, you can help with a donation by bashing the donate button at the bottom of the blog.

Bentley Makes A Timely Shout Out

It’s always nice to start out on a positive note, so just when you’re about to give up on Australians as a selfish society , and we  tire of the over-attention paid to the ratbag fringe, along comes Mother Nature to challenge and restore our disappearing values. Close to home, just north, there have been countless instances of courageous and selfless spirit, individually and collectively. And the same can been seen in the wide variety of disasters nature has bestowed across Australia. Bentley takes up the standard for one  band of toilers that are sometimes taken for granted …

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Sure, they’re paid to do the job, but it is nevertheless highly skilled and dangerous work so often in even more perilous conditions. But in the aftermath of a cyclone, it much, much more dicey.  No amount of cynicism or anger with power companies can detract from the role these blokes and blokettes, (one assumes)play, they always  resolutely turn up to do their job when Gaia turns nasty.


Jenny In Labour Pains  … Well, Labor actually …

… but her screams of anguish are just as loud.

Jenny Hill is well known for her frequent Alice in Blunderland moments – but it’s one thing leading to another as she flounders, prances and poses about the local media with her sudden awareness and shallow insights about juvenile crime  – (wonderful how a looming election concentrates the mind, innit?).

Mayor Mullet has been around long enough to know the political road grows ruts at a moments’ notice, but she must have been blindsided by this very public kick in the slats … from her own ALP branch.

Like the TV show, it all started with a big bang in her PR sheet the Townsville Bulletin back in October.

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Our mayor decided in for a penny, in for a quid, and really let fly with some pretty average stuff with the twin aims of her bogan constituency and some lipsticking of some Labor hierarchy bums.

Cr Hill didn’t hold back when asked what she thought was driving the youth crime crisis during a Sunrise interview on Friday.

“I think something’s happened within the last 20 years,” she said.“We’ve nicknamed it Costello’s children because when we had the baby bonus, we saw a lot of families seemingly having children who you would think twice about allowing to have children.”

“There are some people out there who don’t realise children aren’t just a right and just aren’t an income source. They’re a responsibility.”

The Baby Bonus payment – worth between $3000 and $5437 – was introduced in 2004 to help raise the Australian birthrate.

The Townsville Mayor did not mince words when describing the troubling conditions from which many of these juvenile offenders hail.

“These kids — speaking to the police and some of the agencies — absolutely come from homes you wouldn’t leave a dog in,” she said, “But the problem is they are having children. They think they don’t need to be responsible. They think being drunk all day and letting children sit in dirty nappies is a great way to go.

“And you’ve got these kids growing up hating everyone”.

“I don’t think we can do much for the kids who are currently a problem, but we really need to think about a whole policy around dealing with the next generation to break that cycle.” 

That last line is typical and gives away the game … her whole spray was about shame and blame, and not part of any solution for the immediate problems, which should be her immediate concern. But this political outhouse rodent knows her constituency,  and she knows they would be dumb enough  to hear the dog whistle and agree with her ‘truth telling’,  which was in fact nothing more than a pointless political polemic.

But there was one usual support group who went completely apeshit over the mayor’s comments … the Townsville branch of the ALP,  Jenny’s own stamping ground for haranguing and branch stacking.

The following correspondence speaks for itself.

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ALP Jenny letter p 2

But was she wrong? Mayor Mullet was quick to play toe-in-the-dust while looking skyward and whistling a ‘what, me?’ tune, falling back on dishonest semantics. Because she knew that we all knew who she was talking about … she just didn’t get specific for the very reason of this outcome.

But after giving our Thel the rounds of the kitchen by return email,  Jenny took out valuable time from posing for campaign pictures to tap out the following.

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‘Absolutely no reference to any racial, cultural or religious group’?  Oh, FFS, c’mon, woman. You didn’t have to, Jen, you know your folks so well.

And HQ was having none of Jenny’s bullshit, and state secretary Kate Flanders told her to put on her big girl industrial undies and handle the matter herself …. well, that was the underlying message of the following, received with lightning speed from Brisbane.

Dear Jenny

Thank you for your email, I have not taken the correspondence as a complaint and will not be dealing with this matter under Party complaint processes. We often receive copies of branch correspondence to elected representatives about topical issues however we do not action those further unless it is specifically requested by the Branch or the elected rep.

I would support your suggestion of visiting the Townsville Branch to talk about the best ways to deal with the complex issues around youth crime and to come to a shared understanding of how ALP members can work together to talk about the common purpose of dealing with these issues.

I know this will be a hot topic in Townsville this year and we all need to be on the same page about how we’ll approach it as a team.

Thank you

Kate Flanders

And dunno about you, but The ‘Pie is excited about the prospect of Jenny Hill making a rare visit to her old branch to talk about shared understanding of how ALP members can work together? If they sell tickets to that one, they’ll go faster than a Taylor Swift Naked Tour. And be way more entertaining.

But Our Mayor Is A Slow Learner

Undeterred,  the Mullet summoned a Bulletin minion, posed prettily again in her new fav blue dress, (the purple doona has been ditched apparently) and made a fumbled attempt talking tough.

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 This was just a rehash of her previously aired submission to the Youth Justice Reform Committee, where she variously ‘demanded’ ,  ‘called for’,  or ‘made a plea for’  12 month  mandatory sentencing for range of car and property offences. But lo and bloody behold, the very next day, Jenny Hill is sat on her arse by … would you believe … the Townsville Bulletin iditor.

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Yes, as Bob Katter famously said, we must slam shut that revolving door.

And Then, Fightin’ Fran Bounced Out Of Corner

The mayoral contender suddenly showed some of the necessary mongrel to take a dainty nip or two of the bony mayoral backside.

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Fran, you don’t know how many people have been waiting for you to take the attack to your opponent, and you mustn’t backslide into timid and polite ways again, you’ve fired your own starting gun and keep up this attitude and you’ll soon hear people coming out to cheer for you.  BTW the answer to your question is that Brisbane stopped listening to Jenny Hill years ago, when they realised she would never gain higher office than local government. And the backroom boys still depend on rusted on labour to keep the state seats, but this year, they’re piddling in their pants big time.

No wonder she’s looking a bit stressed, and she’s getting a bit rattled. Rumour has it that she has asked/told the Buklletyn not to use this photograph again.


Hey,  Jen, be positive, it might not get you any MILF-fancier votes, but there be plenty of old chooks out there clucking on about ‘oh, the poor dear, look at her, works so hard, cops so much nastiness.’

Ladies, from this quarter, she gets as good as she gives.

Boy,  Don’t We Need A Few Blokes In Townsville Like This Fella.

Be a suitable surprise for, say, sewer rats who like to belt old ladies hi-jack their cars .

But if that security guard was a ‘doer’, the talker of the week, was this ACT cop, who fortunately never understood the strangled gargled police speak  deployed at press conferences.  Our man was none to happy with Canberra’s annual hoon-fest … loved his Border IQ Test idea.

And the best one-line description of the week goes to a man who hates seeing his photo in this blog – he hilariously believes The ‘Pie needs his permission to use a pic of him – but The ‘Pie refuses to disappoint the tens of  fans of Professor (adjunct) Col Dwyer, economist and failed bush lawyer.

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“Oh, look, only a crane… as an economist, I predict good times are ahead .”

Anyway, the Astonisher’s economic pet poodle was allowed to wander over the pages for a pee and poop during the week, to tell us how things are going. Basically,  he reckons we’re doing OK, but it would be better except for crime, thank you, Captain Obvious.

But hey, putting all that silliness aside, Col came up with one of the very best descriptions of Townsville dilemma – it’s almost lyrical.

“Townsville is a jewel with an undesirable flaw, an anti-social and repetitional blemish that undermines its full potential.’ . 

Great line, worth repeating. Which I have.  And probably will again sometime.

Please advise The Magpie on copyright law, Col.

The Magpie Reckons This Bloke Could Make A Good Mayor.

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Michael Kopittke is a successful businessman with a strong financial background, a fair and balanced take on the present and the possibilities of the future,  and The ‘Pie is told strong integrity in business and governance (he is on the board of the Chamber of Commerce).. He understands finance and he loves Townsville.

Nah, going by the current benchmark, way over-qualified, apparently you don’t need any of those attributes for the Walker Street job.

Here’s Another Bloke Who Would Make A Good Mayor

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The Magpie has always had a lot of time for Lex Wotton, whom he knew a little during the Palm island trials, including the one that acquitted Sen Sergeant Chris Hurley of manslaughter after he had clearly fatally injured the man called Mulrunji. (A local senior copper, since moved on, was instrumental in covering for him, blatantly lying on the witness stand.)

Lex Wotton was vilified and stigmatised for his role in the riots sparked by Mulrunji’s death (he was later exonerated). Given all the bogan commentary around those court proceedings,  The ‘Pie found it ironic that Wotton was one of the few Palm Islanders who was not only a qualified tradesman (he’s a plumber) but also didn’t, and as far as The ‘Pie knows, still doesn’t drink. The combination of the two made Lex a rare bird on the oppressed island back then. But he’s a survivor who has immersed himself back in the community, and although aboriginal politics are even more complicated than the flawed white version, perhaps Lex is the man to bring good things to all the Palm islanders.  One things for sure, Lex won’t be running any sly grog onto the island like a previous mayor.

Not such an admirable story for the killer cop, Hurley. Disgusting he was still allowed to wear a uniform, especially as he hasn’t learnt to control his baser instincts, apparently.

Wow Woolies, What Were You Thinking?

The Shovel was prescient.

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The real story about this Woolworths’ decision not to stock Australia Day items this year is not the fact itself, but the cack-handed attempt at grandstanding for which there was no real upside. If, as the company’s spinners insist, it was purely a marketing decision based on dwindling demand, fine, that hardly needs announcing at all. But to try and buy into a social and political argument – not an arena corporations should enter  –  imagining they can gain some moral standing by actually or seemingly endorsing an Australia Day date shift, is sheer boardroom lunacy.

So the question is why take such an unnecessary risk which was guaranteed to offer only grief?

Could be because the announcement – possibly winkled out of an incautious executive by a nosey reporter –  came hot on the heels of our treaty and truth-telling enthusiast, Prime Minister AnAl, announcing a former Labor minister, the failed karaoke star Craig Emerson,  to head an ‘independent’ (givvus a break, AnAl!) inquiry into the obvious price gouging by the supermarket duopoly? A little grandstanding grease never hurt, eh, especially when politics is involved with big money.

Anyway, doubt this one will have much legs, because Australians really don’t care much about the actual date, they just don’t like being told to change it because a noisy minority tell us to on some mythical moral grounds.

But The Magpie liked The Shovel’s two views on both subjects.

Screen Shot 2024-01-13 at 9.12.15 pm Screen Shot 2024-01-10 at 10.21.16 am And of course, there is another whinge we all love about the big chains but thisb year, the Australia Day storm in a teacup has brought it forward because of Peter Dutton’s foaming call for a boycott.


But we’ll take a Leak for the last word on this.

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Oh No  – When A Croquet Champ Is  (Eek!!) A Croquette

Will it never end, this brazen, rampant takeover of sports by all these super-muscled transgender bullies? The rampaging-bull advantage of these cross-over, testosterone-fuelled athletes has now stormed the remaining bastion of female sporting prowess …  now – oh, save us blessed Mother – it’s CROQUET. Aussie Jamie Gumbrell, who recently crossed the gender divide, is now World Champ. It is just fortunate the final winning stroke was just after tea and scones, and the tens of spectators were mostly dozing, otherwise the local constable said there would’ve have been a pitch invasion.  A police spokes-it said, ‘Do you realise the damage a carelessly handled walking frame can do? It was a close call, that.’

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Croquet champ Jamie Gumbrell smiling sweetly at the critic who will shortly become more closely acquainted with her mallet.

And an Aussie, to boot. I tell you, the Poms weren’t happy ... but they never are, really, are they?

Meanwhile, In America …

Sometimes, if marriages last long enough, nothing surprises.

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Hilary was swift to react.

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Actually probably pretty close to reality … Hilary once famously said of her philandering husband, ‘Bill always a hard dog to keep on the porch’.  The ‘Pie loved her for that if nothing else.

But no surprise that it is Trump’s Theatre of The Absurd has us all mesmerised as he does what we all so fervently hope is his courtroom version of Monty Python’s Black Knight.

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Questionable Name Of The Week

Not a person this time, but a park. Check the second last par … how can a council allow a children’s playground to be called Tickle Park.
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Finally, Why Boeing Has Gone Boing

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Lots of other stuff floating around, but we save all that for next week. Comments meanwhile are going full bore, hop in. And that donate button is below if you think this old load of cobblers is worth your support.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.


  1. Tropical Cyclone says:

    Woolworths- didn’t learn anything from Bud light.

    “Bud Light Marketing VP Alissa Heinerscheid was explicit about wanting to send to younger beer drinkers a message of “inclusivity” that “appealed to both men and women” because the core message to its customers featured “fratty, kind of out of touch humor.” But by sending that particular inclusivity message to younger beer drinkers, Bud Light turned a fault line into a fissure between its brand and (apparently) 25% of its customers who didn’t think of themselves as ‘out of touch.’


    China doesn’t know, we hate being threatened.

    “If Australia is tied to the chariot of Taiwan separatist forces, the Australian people would be pushed over the edge of an abyss.” The ambassador warned that Canberra’s relations with Taipei could “undoubtedly undermine” Australia’s relations with China. “There should not be any miscalculation on this.”

  2. Rotten Luck Willy says:

    More on Woke Woolworths joining with the Blacktivists to abolish Australia Day.

    Via my wife, the Over 60s Ladies Facebook Group is encouraging the following: Dress in Australia Day attire, decorate a shopping trolley with Australia Day bunting and slowly wander the isles of Woolworths. Must make a purchase or your presence is illegitimate. One only mushroom would do it.

    So Nesters, are we to be shamed by the Over 60s Ladies? I say arise from your screen and keyboard, onward to Coles or the Reject Shop for your Australia Day merchandise and advance upon Woolworths and purchase that mushroom in your decorated trolley.

    For those of you with friends, and there must be a couple, tell them. This must go Australia wide. Exciting, isn’t it?

    • The Magpie says:

      Mushrooms seem to play a central role in your mind, Loser … what’s your preference, flat, Swiss Brown, Portabello, Magic? The ‘Pie’s bet is on the latter.

      • Alfred E Neuman says:

        Pie, this might help, especially the last sentence.

        The mushroom symbolizes the natural world, while the rosette represents growth and flourishing. Together, they can represent the beauty and resilience of nature. Mystery and enchantment: The mushroom has long been associated with fairies, magic, and other fantastical elements.

      • Kenny Kennett says:

        Death cap mushies?

    • Just a Thought says:

      Thanks for posting evidence that the only people exercised by this issue are idlers who have nothing better to do with their time.

  3. Mike Douglas says:

    Les and Aaron must feel lonely as not only have they been cut adrift by Team Hill , ALP strategists are putting $ in to retain Brisbane seats from the Greens.

    In regards to Woolworths not selling Australia Day merchandise … First Nations advisory board Woolworths set up in July 2022 to advise the Company are no doubt deeply involved. Woolworths share price down 1.5 %, not only customers not happy but shareholders.


  4. Doug K says:

    I stand corrected if anyone else has beaten me to the punch, but it appears I am the first to be banned from Letters to the Editor under the paper’s new censorship laws.
    In case you didn’t read last week’s Magpie blog, Astonisher reporter-cum-policy maker Caitlin Charles has decreed:
    “We will no longer be running letters from candidates or sitting councilors. This, in some cases, extends to people campaigning on your behalf who are also politicians.
    “Please give me a call if you have any questions,”
    I had sent a Letter to the Editor pointing out the ridiculousness of stories published about councilors trying to look as though they are actually doing something (with the March election in mind).
    It wasn’t published so I sent an email to the editor and her secretary inquiring why.
    Received no answer so I forwarded the email to Caitlin and received an email advising that she was out of the office and to contact a News Ltd colleague called Paul Brescia, who apparently works as a News Director at News Ltd’s head office in Sydney.
    Still waiting for his reply.
    Now I’m not a member of any political party, I’m not on Fran O’Callaghan’s campaign team, and I have absolutely no reason to support Jenny Hill.
    After 25 years working for News Ltd I’m also careful not to defame anyone in my letters.
    So why have I been banned?
    And why is Caitlan not around to answer my questions?
    And why has a Sydney-based news director become involved?
    Strange days indeed.

    • The Magpie says:

      Come away, Jake, it’s only News Ltd.

    • Just a Thought says:

      Maybe your letter wasn’t very good. You don’t have a right to have it published, you know.

      • Doug K says:

        If my letter wasn’t good enough, Deep Thinker, then why didn’t Caitlan simply tell me instead of flick passing my email to Sydney?
        I think you’ll find it all comes down to News Limited not wanting to get on the wrong side of their Most Influential Townsville Advertiser, Mayor Mullet.

  5. The Magpie says:

    My hero.

    Mr Walker was eager to speak of his experience because he saw it as an opportunity to generate skin cancer awareness.
    And a great opportunity to try for a pity vote. But brave little trooper that you are, even if the large cancerous growth on your shoulders was removed, you’d still be cactus next October, diddums. More intelligent but still cactus.

    • Terry Who says:

      I have a saying I use when I don’t like someone.

      “I wouldn’t cross the street to piss on that bastard, if he was on fire.”

      And Mr Walker is on my list of let burn people along with Harper, Stewart and Giggles Miles.

      • The Magpie says:

        Terry, you’ve been around in these comments on and off for quite a while now, so one imagines, like The ‘Pie, you are of an age where your dribbildy-drip would hardly put out anything. Best buy a water pistol.

      • Grumpy says:

        Terry – I always add, “Unless, of course, I could piss petrol”

    • Alahazbin says:

      Pie, I just thought it was from a circumcision procedure.

    • PRfilter says:

      The online story followed up with a big picture story on p5 and the editorial of the print version. So much for young Caitlin judging political puff pieces on merit.

  6. Ducks Nuts says:

    Let’s be honest, how many of you have ever rushed out in January and stocked up on toothpicks with Australian flags, paper plates with green and gold kangaroos, napkins with koalas holding Australian flags?

    Bloody none of you. Because to be an Australian and proud of being Australian doesn’t mean I need a 20 foot flagpole in my front yard flying a full size Australian flag, with a fully flag emblazoned BBQ extravaganza.

    I might have BBQ and a beer. We might play backyard cricket and have a swim in the pool. But we don’t sing anthems, dress in flags or salute. So honestly who gives a fuck if Woolworths stop selling shit no one buys.

    • The Magpie says:

      The ‘Pie will tell you who, bozo.

      Australians who don’t like big corporations entering into social issues that are none of their business, we elect people democratically to make calls on matters like this. That’s a lesson not learned from corporate involvement in the Voice to Parliament scam, (not learned by our sulking Prime Minister, either) and this, coming so soon afterwards, wasn’t a smart and certainly not a necessary attempt at virtue signalling. Aussie Day merch doesn’t sell? Fine, don’t stock it. Say nothing, just get on with the price gouging of everything else.
      But don’t use a minor matter to start grandstanding against 60%+ of the population on a matter that a big corrupt corporation has no moral right to have an opinion. Ask Qantas how that goes.

      Another divisive act urged by a ‘frank and fearless’ self-interested group of (literally) rent seekers.

      • Ducks Nuts says:

        Not only will most of it come from junk shops, nearly 100% will be made in China. My understanding was all you proudly patriotic, flag waving Australians wanted to buy Australian made. So keep on ranting about how unAustralian it is for Woolies and Aldi to stop selling Chinese made nicknacks you don’t buy anyway.

      • Achilles says:

        This “enlightened” group will probably insist that all labels be in all +350 indigenous languages.

        Surely this mob are in contarvention of the race relations laws by discrimination, maybe all labels should be in the languages of all immigrant languages too.

        Woke me no woke!!

        • The Magpie says:

          The ‘Pie would wholeheartedly support such indigenous labelling …. with the proviso it is printed in the alphabet of the original language. Not the Latin alphabet we use, it would be too … tooo …. ummm … colonial.

          Oh, sorry what’s that? Oh, is that so? Guess we’ll have to try something else.

          • Hondaman says:

            In last week’s issue Hi Beam commented on his hatred of Bureaucrats who call the shots like the Woolie’s fiasco, but I believe a far more insidious mob are the ‘Influencers” like the Chairmen and Boards of major Banks and Companies who demanded we all vote Yes for Anal’s pipe dream of The Voice and all the certain disasters that it contained. These arseholes pervade almost everything we buy, from a soothing lotion at the Chemists to a David Koch get rich quick scheme which is guaranteed to (certainly for him anyway) make oodles of money! Albo himself is nothing short of the worst kind of these parasites, and his continued efforts to see the result he wanted regardless of the overwhelming NO vote is scandalous!

          • The Magpie says:

            Not sure the reference to Koch is justified … he’s been photoshopped and scammed into various false ads, particularly for crypto. Likewise a number of other ‘celebrities’.

      • Been there says:

        Boards of ASX companies are elected democratically.

        • The Magpie says:

          Well, no they’re not, in the sense of making decisions on broad social issues not generally in the company’s remit … because they are elected by shareholders (presumably) not citizens in general. And anyway, if you’re talking about the Indigenous ADVISORY board, they were not elected, they were appointed.

          • White Mouse says:

            I want to know what happened to Adam Goodes’ legs in that photo. He is either doing some sort of weird wide legged stance behind the two very pale looking ladies, or they were photoshopped out.

  7. Terry Who says:

    Well there’s a first. Ms Hill says something I agree with.

    We need minimum “mandatory” sentence for our current lot of criminals. I added the mandatory part as we need to take the decision out of the judiciary hands so that we can slam shut the revolving door.

  8. The Magpie says:

    The Magpie generally treats polls an pretty much irrelevant to an distant outcome – too many moving dynamics in between the poll and the event – but these figures are really alarming for the government. As always, The ‘Pie has checked the background of the pollsters and sees that they are used inter alia by the AFR, so are trusted by a trusted news source.

    • Prince Rollmop says:

      Unless AnAL and his government start thinking outside the box and look for ways to curb the financial hardships on Aussies they will remain on the road to defeat at the next Federal election. The post-COVID economic environment, net zero push, huge rent increases, record inflation, cost of building new houses, and continuous war support are almost a once in a generation event. Traditional mitigation strategies aren’t working. I’ve said it before – Australians have around $3 trillion sitting in superannuation. Let people withdraw x amount out of their superannuation to pay for their home deposit, to put solar on their roofs, to pay down existing debts, buy hybrid EV cars, or invest in a business and personal education. People need money now, today, not just in 10,20 or 30 years time. It’s just a thought, but pensioners, homeless, young couples and the other 99% of the population are suffering now.

      • Jatzcrackers says:

        Agree Prince, Fed Gov is definitely in for a hiding at next election.
        Re your superannuation comment, I had an opportunity to meet newly minted Fed member Ewen Jones at an almost one on one meeting (I think they were looking to make up the numbers so not a ‘special invite) !!
        I mention to him that his party should seriously look at providing relief for the Australian populace by allowing them to draw done a sensible percentage of their superannuation without attracting a penalty !
        Without hesitating, Ewen replied saying was it was never going to happen and wasn’t really a sensible idea.
        Appears Ewen’s economic acumen had grown substantially in the short weeks of his new position after leaving the real estate industry !

      • Jeff, Condon says:

        PR, when the whole superannuation lurk was initially instigated, it was envisaged that the retirees would pay off their mortgages and any other debts and then quietly fade away. There would be billions sitting there just waiting for governments to plunder, as they have and still do.

        But, horror of horrors, the grey nomads emerged in their expensive 4 x wheel drives and more expensive caravans. They became serial cruisers and overseas travellers until COVID came along. In short, they decided to spend their well-gotten gains and enjoy themselves.

        I predict a Govt, could be either side, will legislate in a few years that retirees will only be permitted to access to a limited lump sum and will then have a monthly pension sllocated from their super funds.

        This will help control inflation, limit the risk of recession and maintain a firm control on the largely compliant Australian population. Those who never worked, or pissed their pay packet up against wall, along with those through no fault of their own have no super will still have access to Govt pensions.

        It will also provide a lovely big nest egg for Govts to “borrow” from.

    • PR Filter says:

      In our rush to a media cycle driven government model it’s become more evident that the best way to get instant likes and clicks is to have a stream of announcables to keep up a diet of bread and circuses for the masses.

      What it does also do is kick every problem further down the road rather than actually fixing anything.

      Structural economic change rather than just throwing people a few hundred dollars back every time prices go up is the only way to make change.

      • Hondaman says:

        Seems to be the go in the ‘Ville, Liam has opened a dog park, the Mundingburra Mauler is four laning a major road and bridge, Jen’s revolting? about youth crime, Harpic’s still getting the road widened up near the Dam, there must be an Election coming?

        • Motorist says:

          Nothing is happening on Riverway Drive. The 2023 start date has come and gone. Harpic delivery to the local motoring public is on a par with his achievements on aboriginal youth crime.

  9. Prince Rollmop says:

    Not an ounce of humility in Hill’s spiteful letter of reply to the Labor machine. She even has the nerve to deliver a veiled litigation/defamation threat. I don’t know how Labor has put up with the idiot for 38 years? Oh hang on, yes, they gladly accept her membership fees. But is there more to her letter than meets the eye? Behind the scenes, has Hill been told outrightly that she no longer has high level Labor support, hence her vitriol laden letter? Is she losing the plot due to the stress of possibly having to fight to maintain her Mayoral position? With just over 2 months left to run until election day, it’s definitely time to get out the beer and popcorn as we watch the games get played out.

    As for Frans little spray, nice work. She gets a 10/10. What we need is weekly attacks like that for the next 3 months.


  10. Kenny Kennett says:

    Mullet’s letter to the grand poobah makes me wonder why she doesn’t ask for ‘ALP Member for 38 years’ to be under her name on the ballot paper. She swears she’s an independent Mayor but still gets dictated by the Labor party and pushes her 38 years of comrade service when the guns are loaded. Perhaps Fran can use Mullet’s red membership as her own ammunition. Hey Fran did you get any weapons with that hat? Time to fire.

  11. Woodduck says:

    Well hang on a minute, the Mullet will say this proves she is independent and not a Labor stooge, by going against them. I reckon she knows her political ambitions are dead in the water with them because shes on the nose, so whats she got to lose. And in the correspondence sent to the Mullet, items 4.1.1and 4.1.6 should be sent to pasty face Harpic to have a look at.

    • The Magpie says:

      Sorry, Ducky, can’t make any sense of that. If Jenny was a true independent, why would she A: worry about what a pissant little branch (her view) had to say, B: approach Labor HQ about what possible process might be put in train and C: go and ‘talk with’ i.e. harangue a local ALP branch? And make a point of saying how long she has been a member of the party?

      • Alahazbin says:

        Pie, We all know what happens when a labor party member goes against or votes against party lines.
        They get expelled. Not very democratic.

  12. Woodduck says:

    Sorry Pie you’re right with the independent part for sure, but I still reckon she will argue the point over the email because she has nothing to lose that I can see. And as you stated Mayor is as far as she will ever get and I’m starting to think she could have a Mayoral melt down closer to voting time,similar to his radiance did.

  13. Elusive Butterfly says:

    I’m a cricket tragic, Mr. Pie, but if I hear one more word about, or, one more interview with, David Warner, I will fucking scream!
    And no one mention Kiwi rugby players!!

  14. Tenacious D says:

    The Mullet is a member of the Railway Estate branch, not Townsville.

    TSV branch members include Paul Jacob.

    I bet she is a no show at the meeting.

  15. Mike Douglas says:

    Pie , are all Team Hill members of the Labor Party as the Townsville branch stated they are obligated to follow Labor Policy . Townsville people didn’t vote local Labor branches as their representatives . There is no room in local Government for Politics and disappointing it takes a Council election for Labor Councillors to finally pick their division over their Party on Crime and other issues just to keep their seats .

    • Kenny Kennett says:

      That’s exactly why I’m saying Fran needs to get some mongrel in her and lay it out about the Mullet. A big billboard saying ‘Mayor Hill- 38 years as a member of the Labor party- who really is running the TCC?’ Then expose the rest of her minions.
      With the State and Federal government both on the nose, it’s bound to pack some punch. And also expose her ongoing lies.

  16. Achilles says:

    Santos wins case to continue installation of a pipeline in the N.T. The absurd claim by Tiwi “elders” was that there “may” be some dead ancestors out there.

    Hopefully Santos is awarded costs and damages for this specious claim. But of course if they are; the bogus claimant will rattle the begging bowl at the Government, who will probably open the treasury door.


    • The Magpie says:

      They have been ordered to pay Santos legal costs … and yes, you’re right.

    • Jatzcrackers says:

      Talk about killing the goose that lays the golden eggs ! Don’t the lobby groups driving these ‘First Nation’ minions realise that if they stop the likes of Santos, they risk millions of dollars paid in taxes which in turn are used by our government as mega amount handouts to them !
      Next thing they’ll be closing down Eyres Rock to tourist climbing….oh, hold on !!!

      • The Magpie says:

        Close down Ayres Rock to tourist climbing!?! Christ if they did that, what next, the Grampians? The Glasshouse mountains? Oh, hold on … again.

        • Ben Rumson says:

          Mt. Warning.

        • Achilles says:

          There are currently rumblings of proclaiming most (if not all) Kakadu as off limits to non indigenous too.

          It’s all pseudo religious as they simply name it a sacred site, and it becomes so because they say so.

          You can bet there will be numerous appeals et al.

          Can you imagine how this, and all current nonsense claims would have gone had that brain fart of A Voice had succeeded?

          • Achilles says:

            Supplementary: On the news, a 9 year old boy who has been attacked by a crock in an “indigenous only” area of Kakadu has been air-lifted to hospital.

            Amazing things boomerangs, wow we could learn so much from their “secret knowledge”!

          • The Magpie says:

            Attacked by a ‘crock’? EW-er!!!

  17. Rotten Luck Willy says:

    This white anting (can I still say white?) of Australia Day and now, with the support of PM AnAl, 15% of local councils do not hold Australian Citizenship Ceremonies on Australia Day. Peter Dutton may not, in the eyes of some, make a good PM, but I would like to think he will undo this BULLSHIT. Watch the video.


    • Ben Rumson says:

      It seems to me that that the new social cancer eating away at long accepted community values and common sense is ‘virtuionious’, and being jammed down our throats by the noisy minority cashed up would be influencers.

      For example, biological male becomes world champion croquet player. Biological women told to ‘suck it up’. Cannot hurt the feelings of Bruce, now Shirley. Virtuioniousness over the practically of women’s sport.

      The Voice, another example of corporations tripping over themselves to out do their virtuioniousness.

      Currently the most virtuionious Woolworths etc etc etc.

      Then we have the bloody ABC renaming locations throughout the country..FFS enough!

      I don’t know how an individual can stop this social cancer but it must be stopped.

      • Rotten Luck Willy says:

        Ben, you mention Woolworths and the ABC, both virtuionious woke travelling companions.
        I am wondering if Woolworths has had a “We might have misjudged this one” moment.
        When Woolworths white anting Australia Day was first announced on the ABC news, two reasons were given. 1. Falling demand, and 2. (and this the kicker) Australia Day means different things to different people.
        Now when this matter is mentioned on the ABC only reason 1. is given.
        It is my hope that Woolworths is feeling a backlash and they have requested of their trusted media not to mention reason 2. in the hope we will all forget reason 2..
        In my case, not bloody likely. I have already applied for my Coles flybys card.

        • The Magpie says:

          Just for the record, ther is no. such word as ‘virtuionious’ and it is an ugly clumsy coinage … why not just stick with virtuous?

    • Bullshit says:

      If councils don’t have citizenship ceremonies on Australia Day it should be up to objecting locals to make changes at the ballot box.

      • Achilles says:

        You’re on the right track, trouble is we don’t seem to be able to muster candidates with sufficient stamina to dare to stand out too far from this woke madness.

        Put delicately sans testes!

        • Bullshit says:

          TBH I think it’s just not a vote winner, ceremony or no ceremony it’s all virtue signaling either way. People have other things on their mind when they vote.

      • Spielcheque says:

        Bullshit, five years ago the PM, Scott Morrison, made a law to force councils to have citizenship ceremonies on 26 January from 2020. It looks like your suggestion that “objecting locals make changes at the ballot box” was taken up Australia wide – Morrison and his dud government were removed from office holus bolus. Are you satisfied?

        • The Magpie says:

          The Federal Government forcing local councils to hold such ceremonies smacks of grandstanding and virtue signalling, and removes the average citizen further away from influencing those elected who can both be approached and make a decision of direct effect. People would soon let local councillors know their opinion and are less likely to have to wait for an election to make a change (this nof course does not apply to Townsville)>

        • Bullshit says:

          Yes, very satisfied because I want the decision to be a local one.

        • Alahazbin says:

          Spielcheque, The voters didn’t kick Morrison out over an Australia Day directive. He shot himself in the foot with his multiple cabinet positions and the weaponising by Wilkinson of Brittany Higgins and other bullshit promises from AnAl.

  18. The Magpie says:

    Remember that old temperature demonstration of frying an egg on the footpath? Well, in Iowa, they’ve found a test at the opposite end of the scale.


  19. Darren H says:

    Surely Castle Hill has some cultural significance and should be handed over immediately to our indigenous friends to be looked after?

    • The Magpie says:

      The local indigenous mob obviously don’t care about Castle Hill … they’ve allowed juvenile ‘colonial’ graffiti to remain untouched and uncomplained about for years.

  20. The Magpie says:

    Christ!!! Is Bob ill? This was him in Townsville today. And no, not a photoshop joke from The ‘Pie, straight from the Astonisher website.

  21. The Magpie says:

    Oh,? Is that what it’s going to be used for?
    A classic Bulletin headline.

    ‘Polair Control, to Polair 1, kids with stones and a shanghai in your area – take immediate evasive action.”

  22. Jatzcrackers says:

    Oh the pain…apparently testicular injuries to women in sport have gone up about 80% over the last two years ! I thought it was three years but two seemed more appropriate !

  23. The Great Guru Swami Manboub Siphpusser says:

    The new TSV POLAIR promo video is out on YouTube


  24. Alahazbin says:

    Look who is running for Mayor, just to muddy the waters.


    Throughout my life, I’ve had the privilege of meeting many people. However, I realise that when it comes to casting a vote for Mayor, it’s essential to know the person you’re voting for.

    In the upcoming weeks, I am excited to share some of my most cherished memories, my darkest moments, and my journey towards becoming a mayoral candidate.

    Please join me on this journey and feel free to reach out with any questions you may have.

    • Achilles says:

      Anyone who invites replies or comment using the woke, irritating and incorrect “reach out” instead of contact, phone, write et al, can be assured of not getting any response.

      • The Magpie says:

        Yes, one of the more irritating perversions of English, which hints at in some way aiding the person attempting to be contacted. And The ‘Pie has been surprised at the number of people who should know better using it.

  25. Russell says:

    Nobody up this way voted Morrison out as he wasn’t a candidate.

  26. The Magpie says:

    Nothing like the periodic Gravy Train Lotto – some call them elections – to attract all the grifters and demimonde dwellers out of the woodwork.

    So lo and behold, we have another faux ‘independent’ throwing his soiled One Notion cap into the mayoral ring. But the big question is, is this latest candidate Townsville’s answer to disgraced US fabulist and CONgressman George Santos. (He even looks a bit like him).

    Meet previously disendorsed One Notion (not a typo) Thuringowa candidate Troy Joseph Birnbrauer who now goes by the name Troy Thompson. He is apparently an ‘independent’ candidate (just like Jenny Hill is) and his stirring ‘well, duh, you don’t say’ slogan “If nothing changes, nothing changes” says exactly that – nothing. But as always, it is what he doesn’t say that is far more interesting. Like this.

    It was trumpeted that he reluctanntly pulled out for ‘personal reasons’ but even that turned out to be a lie, he was kicked out for … lying. And to the woman he said he supported and admired, Pauline Hanson.

    Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Thuringowa candidate Troy Thompson had been on the hustings for the party for weeks in the marginal Labor-held seat, and had been tipped as a frontrunner, when he suddenly pulled out of the race on September 22 citing “personal reasons”.
    The Townsville Bulletin can reveal Mr Thompson, according to leaked documents, had been disendorsed by the party following an executive meeting two days prior.
    The party reasoned it was because he had failed to disclose his previous legal name and that he failed to disclose his directorship in a company that went insolvent in 2017.
    (The Bulletin) can that Mr Thompson, under his previous name Troy Joseph Birnbrauer, faced Southport Magistrates Court between 2017 and 2018.
    It’s understood the party moved to disendorse Mr Thompson over fears the skeletons in his closet could emerge and haunt the party.

    Perhaps Mr Thompson has been emboldened by the 45% polling he was enjoying in Thuringowa when he was suddenly turfed out, and he somehow supposes that will translate into viable support for a tilt at local government.

    To which The Magpie can only say ‘the very best of luck to you, Mr Thompson’ – a statement I’m sure you will understand is a lie.

    • Phap Schmear says:

      Perhaps Mr Thompson (liar liar pants on fire) is not the most desirable candidate but he would still be better than Hill the shrill..

    • Been There says:

      It will be enough to split the non-Labor vote to make sure Hill wins in a canter.

      • Spielcheque says:

        BT, do you really mean that “non-Labor” voters are so dumb they won’t recognise or care about this person’s backstory? If so, they deserve what they get.

        • Been there says:

          Yes. I refer you to 2020 and Greg Dowling.

          • Spielcheque says:

            BT, the Greg Dowling “split” could only have worked if JHill scored less than 50%. The official result was:

            COX, Sam
            25,010 27.14%
            EASTAUGHFFE, Chris
            4,532 4.92%
            DOWLING, Greg
            15,918 17.27%
            Declared: HILL, Jenny
            46,691 50.67%

  27. Motorist says:

    Over the past couple of days a helicopter has been hovering at about 200ft over parts of the town. Does anyone know for sure what is its task? I don’t.
    I would like to think it is the aircraft contracted to the Qld police. Then the question comes, are they conducting training, or are they tracking bad bastards in my neighborhood?

    • The Magpie says:

      Take a guess.

    • OWL says:

      Taking the pollies for joy rides?

      • Ben Rumson says:

        Owl, you might be onto something there. Perhaps helicopter private hire by Aaron (Who?) Harpic, tax payer dollars, to create an illusion of something being done.
        This reminds me of the cargo cult in the Pacific Islands immediately after WWII. In this case the helicopter in the air, and the illusion it creates, will bring votes for Aaron (Who?), Aaron hopes. Like the South Sea Islanders of the time, and Aaron (Who?) at this time, Aarons cargo cult helicopter will only bring disappointment for Aaron(Who?).

    • Achilles says:

      They’re looking for you!!!

    • Jeff, Condon says:

      Getting their bearings be reading street signs and cross referencing with Melways. QPS have just crypto on their coms. One thing at a time.

  28. Kenny Kennett says:

    Big news: Steven Miles official favourite to win the Olympic backpedaling gold medal. Many say it’s thanks to the program researched and developed by the State LNP who have publicly announced that Miles was on the wrong track and voters don’t want the huge Labor expenditure on the 2032 venues. Miles said he always knew he was preparing on the wrong track and admitted it one night in his bedtime prayers. When asked why he didn’t share his opinion with any of his Labor comrades, all he could say was; God knows why.
    Allegedly, God also told him to give it all to a LNP former Mayor to work out, so if the shit hits the fan, he could blame the opposition. God was unavailable for comment.

    • The Magpie says:

      As a general rule … and as a journalist … The Magpie is skeptical of any polling done by the IPA. They are far right wing haranguers, and their sampling cannot be trusted. Like the famous stopped clock, they have their moments but rarely.

  29. Prince Rollmop says:

    Claudia Bumme-Smith and the CBA are holding an ‘exploring Townsville’s manufacturing landscape’ thought leadership lunch on February 22. It will no doubt be a real hootananny! Maybe the Magpie can attend? It’s only $60. Personally I would go but I will be busy watching paint dry and watching the lawn grow. So much to do, so little time.

    • Achilles says:

      No need to attend, The Astonisher will send in their best reporters and you can read all about it within 2 weeks of the event

      • The Magpie says:

        Why would they attend when there’ll be a media release for them? Do you think they might turn up in person to ask some questions? Dream on, bruvver.

        • Alahazbin says:

          Pie, If Jenny goes, Lightweight will have to be there being told what to report. He hasn’t learnt the meaning of the word ‘investigate’ yet.

  30. The Magpie says:

    It’s always dangerous to give people ideas.

    Trump’s lawyers walked into the swinging door of a judges question about immunity – Trump’s attorney answered the judge’s hypothetical by arguing that a US President could not be prosecuted for ordering SEAL Team 6 to assassinate a political opponent.
    Joe Biden is eagerly awaiting the judge’s response to that, to make a phone call.

    … and then there’s this.

    • Darren H says:

      Biden, what an embarrassment. They need to put the old prick out to pasture. But what’s the alternative, Trump? FFS, America has become the laughing stock of the world with its insurmountable debt, gross level of obesity, violent culture (mass shootings), and its love or wars and killing.

  31. The Magpie says:

    Today is National Corrections Day?

    But … but … but The ‘Pie thought we already had a National Corrections Day … January 26th, celebrating when we corrected the dismal condition of one of the world’s most primitive people, a day when we celebrate giving them all the benefits of modern medicine, communications, transport, supermarkets, housing and footy.

    And tinnies so they can still fish for protected species like turtles and dugong (unavailable at Woolies) and guns so they can shoot the local wildlife. And the odd bruvver.

    • The Magpie says:

      …. and focusing on the wellbeing of correctional officers? This is the ultimate in snowflake wokeness … CSOs sign up knowing the what the job entails , and most aren’t from the Randy Rainbow School of Skip-Slap Martial Arts. If CS arse-covering bureaucrats and a distant uninvolved government is too cowed by the woke brigade to provide them with regulations and conditions to ensure the sentences of courts are carried out, with strict but fair treatment, then we need legislators who will provide the necessary conditions.

      But worrying about the welfare of CSOs is a limp way try to hold the real culprits – this state government – to account, and makes them look like whingeing snowflakes. Very undeserved.

    • Ben Rumson says:

      They were the only stagnant Paleolithic culture on earth.

      • Achilles says:

        There must have been some Neolithic arrivals too (they also stagnated) they brought along their dingo doggies that helped the Paleoliths knock off the remaining mega fauna including mainland Tassi devils and tigers, probably the diprotodons got a helping shove over the extinction cliff.

        Sounds a bit like the unwanted rats, cats and dogs the latest arrivals brought too, how history repeats itself!

        • The Magpie says:

          You didn’t mention rabbits.

        • Ben Rumson says:

          With respect A all before the Neolithic. From Wikipedia. Also sea level rising cutting the land bridges that are now Torres Strait and Bass Strait.

          It was characterized by stone tools shaped by polishing or grinding, dependence on domesticated plants or animals, settlement in permanent villages, and the appearance of such crafts as pottery and weaving.

          • The Magpie says:

            Sorry Ben, not sure what you’re saying. Are you saying the Neolithic period saw the emergence of those tools, domesticated animals and plants and permanent villages? And this all happened after Australia had been cut off by rising sea levels, and therefore the aborigines didn’t see those benefits.

          • Ben Rumson says:

            The Neolithic period saw developments in many communities independently and unknown to each other or so the research suggests. Development driven by curiosity that became the bronze age eventually leading to the violin, compass, and printing press. But not in the Great South Land. The only place on the planet where the Paleolithic prevailed. Why? The land abounded with resources. And now the Aboriginal community seems to, in some parts, lost control of its youth. Perhaps a 50,000 year jump in thinking in 200 years is too much. I really don’t know.

          • Just a Thought says:

            Australia may be rich in resources but it lacks plants and animals that could be domesticated.

      • Dorfus says:

        There may be some still existing in Papua, the Philippines and Taiwan but in small numbers, but all including the Aborigines had become hybrids, in the case of our locals, of four species of Homo, including sapiens and the recently (2008) discovered denisovans. Later genomic studies place the arrival of Aboriginals at no earlier than 40,000 years ago. So, from where did Mungo Man originate?

        • The Magpie says:

          Denisovans, who ranged across most of Asia a few years back, were named for their only known present-day descendant Dennis Denuto. It is understood they were all but wiped out when praying at the foot of Krakatoa because they were feeling the vibe. Which turned out to be an active volcano.

        • Uh says:

          Mungo man is 40,000 years old, what’s the problem?

  32. The Magpie says:

    Gorged on a unremitting diet of recreational grief, cutest toddlers, best pizza, hottest plumbers’ bumcrack, and so on, the dwindling readership of this dog’s dinner of a paper are now fed utter weirdness.

    The Bulletin has officially lost the plot …. on what planet is a 59th anniversary of a couple of old geezers wanting to pet meerkats a story?

  33. Salt shaker says:

    Oh no, Princess Kate and old fucktard Charles in hospital at the same time. Everyone is so concerned and worried! WHO GIVES A FUCK. So a couple of elitists go in for some surgery…big deal…I guess their shit does stink after all. The media is ridiculous and the imbeciles who actually look up to the royal grubs need their heads read. They are a despicable family and I wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire.
    Tootle pip old chaps.

    • The Magpie says:

      An elegant dissection, silver tongue.

    • Jeff, Condon says:

      Kate seems like a genuinely good hearted young woman who hasn’t done the wrong thing by anyone. King Chilla, on the other hand is a bit different, wanting to live between Camilla’s thighs, but expected he would be a tampon and get flushed down the lavatory. Can we take judicial notice on this Pie?

      • Salt shaker says:

        Kate is NOT alright. She also rides around in carriages and looks down on the peasants who naievly line the streets to wave at their favourite pompous fuckwits as they go past them. Arrogant self serving self entitled parasites. We don’t need monarchy’s in today’s modern society. Do away with these grubs.

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