Has Townsville been hi-jacked? The appointment of Patricia O’Callghan as a cut-price CEO of Townsville Enterprise will only enhance that view.

One becomes accustomed to loopy conspiracy theories around this town, but is there something in the shock/horror du jour that Townsville has been hijacked by a small cabal of business identities who may not be putting the well-being or an all-encompassing vision for the community ahead of their own short-term self-interest. The ‘Pie opines.

Also, some good(ish) news for the Astonisher.

And the passing of a legal figure who had a big impact on the Townsville community.

But first, all eyes and ears are on Canberra , and the question whether PM Wingnut has been screwed loose enough by plotting colleagues to lose his job. Tuesday will tell the tale, but the crystal ball predictions are even if he survives, Mr Rabbit will be mortally wounded as a leader. Bentley believes a knight of the realm may have already come to his aid.

When matters like this arise, the normal high capacity for fools to make bloody idiots of themselves increases exponentially. The emperor’s new clothes syndrome is everywhere. Here’s the best example.

The betting is that Julie Bishop will be bringing her stilettos to the Tuesday meeting, and they won’t necessarily be on her feet.

And a polite note to Victoria Nugent/ Anthony Galloway re today’s story about federal MPs in the north backing Abbott.

Your ‘Mr Macdonald’ is both rude, unprofessional and against your own style book rules. He is Senator Ian Macdonald at first mention and Senator Macdonald at ALL subsequent mentions. Please refer to ‘News Ltd Style’ fourth edition, page 48 ‘Titles-People’. There may be a new edition since 2009, but this matter will not have changed. It’s your own rules, kids.

The Canberra ruckus has been brilliantly timed, just when the Queensland shenanigans were entering the boring waiting stage. The best front page on the Monday after the election came from the Courier Mail, reflecting the dumb-founded reaction oif the general population.

Two words, succinct and aligned exactly to the mood of the readership.

Still in that neck of the woods, News Corpse Kapers, Dept of:

One of the joys of the Townsville Bulletin being run from afar was demonstrated earlier this month. Newsagents were puzzled and mightily pissed off (it’s their livelihood, you see) when they received very short supply of the paper on Monday Feb 2. The justified howls of outrage forced that rare phenomenon of a News Corpse apology … from Brisbane. Seems that someone with all the computer awareness of a Qld Health payroll operator forgot to re-programme the short run from the previous Monday, which was of course, was slow-sales Straya Day.

Regional Operations Manager Neil McNeil (who lives in the region of Bowen Hills in Brisbane, emailed out the following:

Dear newsagent

Please accept our apologies for the short supply of the Townsville Bulletin today, unfortunately the upload bringing the supply back to normal after the the public holiday last Monday did not process correctly.

 We have now corrected this for next Monday but you may want to check you figures in iServices later on in the week.

 Kind regards

 Neil McNeil

The cock-up had the unfortunate timing of coinciding with the announcement that from next Monday (Feb 9) the Mon-Fri Townsville Bulletin jumps up 10 cents to $1.40. It will be interesting to see what effect this has on readership figs down the track.

But fairs fair, The ‘Pie must record a bit of good news for the Astonisher. The latest readership figures from the trustworthy Morgan poll (the only poll to get the Qld election result spot on) has the Bulletin’s Mon to Friday readership rising from 47000 to 54000 daily. That said, 54,000 is just slightly more than half the ludicrous claim by emma, the publishing industry’s own self-interested measurement tool, of 104,000 readers every weekday. That means that every single paper is read by five people! And yet the industry still wonders why media buyers think emma is bullshit.

Sadly, the Saturday Townsville Bulletin shared the continuing nationwide Saturday slump, shedding another 12,000 readers, going down from 78,000 down to 66,000.

It’s grim reading across the state, with Typo Gleeson’s Sunday Mail shedding another 61,000 readers over the year, Cath ‘Wobbles’ Webber’s Gold Coast Bulletin is in a nose dive (although circulation figs had it holding up OK) and the Cairns Post easily doing the best of regionals. Next round of circulation figures will be interesting, but first we’ll no doubt be treated to some further hilarity from emma.

Moving on.

On Wednesday, former Supreme Court Judge Bill Carter was buried in Brisbane. He died the previous week aged 84.

Before ascending to the bench, Bill Carter was at the Townsville bar from 1962 to 1973. But he will be best remembered in Townsville for presiding over the 17-week long Commission of Inquiry in the psychiatric unit at the Townsville General Hospital in North Ward in 1990. Generally, the exaustive inquiry was referred to as the 10B inquiry, after the designation of the notorious psychiatric ward. Under Bill’s baleful eye and tongue ever ready with a rebuke to counsel or witness, the hearings exposed some genuinely horrific practices, many of which appeared to suggest the psychiatrists were more loopy than their patients. The newly arrived Magpie covered the hearing from day one until three weeks after it finished, thus introducing him to the media scene in Townsville. The ‘Pie found Judge Carter friendly and approachable, although in legal circles he had a reputation as an uncompromising tough nut. He was also very active and effective in the administration of his beloved horse racing.  Another little piece of local history now in the annals.

It’s always good to see locals get a go at senior positions within the community – when they merit it.

The appointment of Patricia O’Callaghan to the permanent post of CEO of the Dudley Do Nothings aka Townsville Enterprise, raises more questions than it answers.

The hunt to find a replacement for the dumped David Kippin attracted more than 60 applicants Australia wide. That was eventually pared down to three, and Ms O’Callaghan got the nod.

This raises the first question – if a young woman of very limited ability for the role to which has been appointed is the best that can be found from such a nationwide field, does this say anything about the general perception of Townsville out there? If none of the out-of-towners can match Ms O’Callaghan’s modest claims to the job, the caliber of the applicants must’ve been second or third tier folks seeking the next rung on the ladder or a downhill coast to retirement. Hard to believe that is the case.

The second question is how will the Townsville ratepayers feel about forking out $700,000 annually to an organization being run by a lightweight (a judgement that would seem to be supported by the suggestion Ms O’C will be taking home somewhere in the vicinity of $120 to $150k pa, about $100k less than her predecessor.) And it has been noted by more than one person that Ms O’Callaghan remains immature when it comes to networking and ‘working a room’. All informants said in various ways that she doesn’t seem to engage socially in a way that the CEO’s job would demand. Nice gal and all that, but … Talking to Paula Tapiloas on ABC Radio the morning after her appointment, young Patricia gabbled out a string of rapid-fire platitudes and clichés that were well rehearsed but basically said nothing. She also made the outright … well, let’s call it unintended error … of falsely claiming that during the election campaign, TEL had run a ‘bipartisan’ campaign with both sides. That’s just nonsense, because the TEL board and Ms O’Callaghan herself publicly declared themselves in overwhelmingly in favour of asset sales. And the issue of asset sales, vehemently opposed by Labor, was the primary torpedo that has crippled the good ship LNP. Nice start, folks.

Another question. What view will various councillors take of the appointment when it comes time to vote on the size of the contribution the ratepayers will toss into the TEL begging bowl? Rumblings are growing about the council taking back in-house certain TEL functions, especially economic development. That’ll be an interesting barney over the council election year just started.

Yes, Ms O’Callaghan deserves a fair go, but it’s a bit rich to ask the already put-upon ratepayers to fund such an expensive and critical learning-on-the-job initiative. Especially if her appointment is part of a wider but hidden agenda.

But now the conspiracy theory. It’s been suggested to The ‘Pie that apart from the considerable cost saving of appointing a cut-price CEO, Ms O’Callaghan will not be in a position to resist the whims and will of her board, much of whose attitude is dictated by Laurence Lancini. Lozza is a consummate and proven businessman, a major employer around town, chairman of the Cowboys and has the ear … more probably the nuts … of Bulletin Iditor Lachlan Heywood. And woud you believe that a nomination for one of the two vacancies to be decided on the Cowboys Leagues Club board later this month is one Raymond ‘Ray’ Burton, CEO of the Townsville City Council. If he gets up (no real reason why he shouldn’t on the face of it) we will have the potentially cosy situation of Mayor Mullet as deputy chair at TEL – which currently gets $700,000 a year from the council, and the council CEO sitting on the board of the Cowboys Club which cops a sweet $150/$200K of ratepayers money annually. is this heading towards being uncomfortably cosy/ And in both cases, but particularly worryingly at the Cowboys, is that the rank and file do not seem to have a voice.

Now there’s nothing wrong with this, but with Lozza pushing a short-sighted and self-interested agenda of a football stadium in the CBD,  where he is a major property owner, and the iditor of the paper slavishly going along with every unexplained modification and change to this supposed grand plan, (hey, anyone want to tell us where the money spinner convention/entertainment centre disappeared to?) will the community be eventually railroaded into accepting a flawed and incomplete project that the majority clearly oppose. This half-arsed, rushed agenda lacks all vision and all responsibility towards the next generation.

If it’s so great, why did TEL hit the council up for $125,000 for a woefully unfocussed advertising campaign in the paper (ta muchly, said the Iditor), and a ‘consultant’ to ‘sell’ the apparent hidden benefits of the project to the dumb-arse public? There are even questions in Walker Street whetherv they will pay that TEL bill in full when they get the account. If they don’t, Ray B might just not get his Cowboys board spoit.

This is hardly visionary on several fronts, but we’ll save that round of arguments for another time soon – it will be here in the Nest, because you sure as hell won’t be seeing it in the Bulletin. Something does seem a little malodourous.

Other matters … but still speaking of things on the nose.

This old fart …

… really is an old fart. Or at least a fart fancier …. but in a romantic way. Monsieur Poincheval has made a name for himself by inventing a series of pills that induce farts that smell like lots of nice things, roses, violets, and perhaps the most dangerous one, chocolate, especially tricky if in your enthusiasm you have a small … errr, accident. Now, old pongy Poincheval has come up with a new aroma in time for Valentine’s Day … ginger smelling ‘blinkers’, as The ‘Pie’s old Nana used to call them. Why ginger? Because, quoth the man described as looking like Santa Clause’s hippy brother, ‘ginger is an aphrodisiac’. The story is here. So the idea is apparently you drop a great rolling bomb as you pucker up, and the lady of your affections is supposed to swoon backwards in a paroxysm of ardour and assume the position? Hmmm, OK, if you say so, but The ‘Pie’s guess it will be a while between drinks for you, chum. And no, we will not be conjecturing how this works for our gay friends.

But while this particular perfumed garden probably needs some work, The ‘Pie has been inspired to start  work on his own pill which aims to make such sudden emissions musical. Different pills will be tailored to suit different people. Like deputy Doo Dah and former military man Vern Veitch could liven up a dull council meeting with a sudden stirring rendition of The Colonel Bogey March, Mayor Mullet could lift a cheek to provide an eloquent ‘Suspicious Minds’, legal eagle Big Bazza Taylor could give us a thumping version of Abba’s ‘Money, Money, Money’, even Mike Capt Snooze Reynolds could burble out a sweet ‘Lullaby of Broadway’. Kid Crisafulli could posses a defiant ‘I Will Survive’, and of course, Les Messagebank Walker could choose from a variety of mobile ring tones.

Enough now, it is away to Poseurs Bar, where The ‘Pie will try to sniff out a suitable partner … according to funny woman Rita Rudner, a sure-fire come hither for a woman would be the pill that makes the aroma of ‘new car interior’ no bloke could resist it.