From Townsville To Downsville? Mayor Mullet Hails New CEO Prins The Prince Ralston’s Appointment As ‘A Coup’.  It Sure Is – For Her.

Gosh, it’s enough to make the unbeliever start trusting in divine providence. The coincidences and characters involved in Prins Ralston’s long and winding road to the Townsville Council’s CEO’s chair is almost a biblical parable. .Jenny Hill is shouting ‘hallelujah!’ as though it’s a second coming. But as The Magpie explains, perhaps we should be shouting ‘Oh, Christ, not again.’

Does no ‘Noel’ mean no cash – the Mayor’s cancellation of Carols By Candlelight on the ridiculous grounds of COVID restrictions seems a sure sign that this council is in serious financial straits.

The latest newspaper readership figures make mixed reading for the Townsville Bulletin, from ‘hooray’ to ‘oh fuck’ plus a bit of salt into the wound. And despite the latest figures, the Bulletin makes an on-line claim that is simply incredible, impossible and possibly illegal.

And are we now Target Townsville? That damning report on war crimes in Afghanistan   … there are two very real outcomes that no one seems to have considered. But The Magpie has.

… and in America, Trump is going all Shakespearian … like Lady Macbeth’s famous demented sleepwalking scene, Trump rambles on while the audience chants ’Out, damned despot.’

Before we get down to business, a sincere thank you to those of you who have come to the financial rescue of The Nest . Your generosity has us almost out of the woods on this particular issue, but it is an on-going battle around here, so if any others can help out, it will be sincerely appreciated … by readers as well as The Magpie. The donate button is at the bottom of the blog. Thank you.

Bentley is on a break, so first …

The Arrival Of Royalty? … Or Just Royally Shafted … Again?

Pre-judging people, policies or events is generally an inexact science at best. But so also is ignoring history.

So with that in mind, allow The Magpie to become your tour guide through a modern-day fable that has seen our new TCC CEO, Prins ‘The Prince’ Ralston, arrive in town.

This event, long in the planning, has been hailed by Mayor Mullet as ‘a coup for Townsville’. A coup maybe, but not for this city … we’ve already had a jarring dose of this particular style of ‘coup’. But a coup nevertheless … for Jenny Hill, who in her haigography of the ndew CEO, forget to mention his brilliant management style when a board member of the now belly-up Humanis group, which dudded unsecured creditors of a cool $86million back in 2012. That collapse was also helped by The prince’s colleague Rabieh Krayem.

So …

Long time ago, in a land far away the unsuspecting people of Townvillania went happily about their lives, with employment generally available, financial milk and honey flowed more or less freely, and business was steady if not spectacular.

On March 15, 2008, the forced amalgamation with the nearby hamlet of Thuringowastan – quickly forced on the good burghers of the city by departing King Beattie The Beast – had gone fairly smoothly. Clr Mullet enjoyed the glory of being deputy to the competent but slowly unraveling Mayor Tony His Radiance Mooney, who was alarmingly losing the plot. He was succumbing to the hubris of such a long run of success and growth on the back of the suddenly sputtering mining boom. This suited Clr Mullet as heir to the throne and she started plotting immediately.

But then came the council elections of 2008, and the pissed-off peasants of the former hamlet next door turfed His Radiance out, preferring their own knight errant Tyrell The Less Colourful, and his team of non-Labor independents.

Clr Mullet found herself the sole survivor of the Great Purge of ’08, and remained steadfastly opposed to anything and everything proposed by the other councillors, who in turn easily blocked several of her populist but financially irresponsible ideas. But then, oh, dear, children, a blight descended on the city, in the form of Tyrell The Less Colorful deciding to retire, his legacy intact. Suddenly, Clr Mullet realized all those years of humiliation and scheming could come to fruition with a little wizardry.

But there was a problem, and Mullet The Magician had a frown that wouldn’t go away … it was the terrible mess she and His Radiance had got the council finances into over the amalgamation issues (especially Ye Olde NQ Water, the biggest rort His Radiance had ever pulled off). Blaming Tyrell The Terrible was handy but didn’t solve problems created by her ego and cock-eyed ambitions (seen some years later in in the misadventure with Adani The Avaricious and his airstrip.)

Unknown to the general populace – most of whom can’t read anyway – our magician sought out a distant alchemist skilled in poisonous potions who lived in Melburnania, now know known as Covidica X1X. With the foresight of one on a quest of revenge, and even before she was elevated to the scarlet mayoral robes trimmed with possum fur, the wicked councillor secretly sought an allegiance with a distant ally-for-hire in a distant city … these were the fierce, freelance allies, famed for the callous disregard for anything others than gold doubloons and, most appropriately, pieces of silver, who belonged to the tribe known as ‘consultants’. This particular one was known as the Nostrums of Nous.

In clandestine meetings, into which she swirled in long doona-like robes to foil the fog-damp nights of Melburnnia, , Mullet the Magician promised to open the TCC coffers if her southern allies, the Nostrums of Nous, directed by one Prince Ralston the Rorter could come up with a scheme to re-balance the council books she had helped tilt so precariously. She also wanted a plan that would settle a few old scores. She and The Rorter agreed to play a long game.

Soon after tossing a few ideas into the bubbling Nous pot, our Battler’s Boadicea ultimately won the position of mayor by counting on the reliable gullibility of the local populace by declaring she was not a Labor council – no way, but that she led a wholly independent council, and a new dawn approached. Trades Halls around the nation had many a good old guffaw about that one, but now it was time to get her arm raising aerobics class of councillors to knuckle down. As if by magic, out of the blue she produced the Nous report, that was pretty straightforward … sack up to a third of council staff – easily the biggest employer in the city, pretend to be saving money then spend more on outside contractors, who could be blamed for any shoddy outcomes. This document was presented to the then CEO Ray Burton the Unbeliever, who promptly refused to implement the draconian measures against the staff for whom he shared a mutual respect.

Burton wasn’t frightened to stand up to the mayor, who used petty vindictiveness to chip away at him, until he became Burton The Blighted and  announced – in highly technical and bureaucratic language ‘fuck this for a game of soldiers, I’m off,’ and off-wards he went.

‘Not to worry,’ quoth The Rorter, ‘Have I got just the battle-axe for you’. Fluttering into town. with all the stealth and unobtrusiveness of a Chinook landing in Sturt Street at peak hour,  there arrived a Nous-appointed replacement and Labor headkicker as new CEO in the form Adele The Impaler Young, a woman with no experience in running a major corporation like this council, but with a reputation for intimidating with screaming profanity. The Impaler wasted no time in starting to impale on an industrial scale, ramming through the requirements of the Nous report. She was ably assisted by an imported retinue of underlings in fools motley and belled caps, prancing japers like Stephen The Screaming Midget Beckett.

Then the penultimate play – when The Impaler made the error of suddenly believing she was actually the Queen around Walker Street, she lost the resultant bitch-slapping contest, and with an imperious swipe of a mailed glove, Mullet the Magician made her disappear. Last minute fill-ins as CEO faffed about in the job until Mullet the Magician was able to pull of her masterstroke and fulfill her years-old promise – and thus, Prince Ralston the Rorter has slithered into town.

So my dears, before you close your eyes for the sweet dreams all this will bring you, consider this: the architect of the callous scheme that ripped apart the staff and scores of familes on a scale matched only by Clive Palmer, is now earning about half a mill of ratepayer money, and probably promises more of his scything style of management – if he can fit the time in between his board meetings for half a dozen other paid directorships and consultancies (JCU, Mackay Port, Townsville Hospital and so on).

Honestly you wouldn’t read about it in Ripley’s Believe It Or Not … but you have read about it – and, take it from The ‘Pie, you’d better believe it.

Why Did The Mayor Snuff Out Carols By Candlelight?

The announcement that the council’s annual Carols By Candlelight was canned this year ‘because of COVID restrictions and lack of available live acts’ has been met with universal scoffing and infuriated head-shaking. It is an insult even to the average voting dolt of Townsville.

Covid restrictions? The mealy mouthed, lying words of the mayor came just a day or two after 56,000 braying footy fans breathed on each other IN BRISBANE, with no adverse affects reported. That is a major that recorded a plethora of traced corona cases and some deaths, whereas Townsville has had virtually bugger all cases the entire year… the tyranny of distance has in this case served us well. So swallowing this evasive guff was a step too far for even the average gullible Townsville galoot. One of whom wrote a half decent but typically meek editorial on the subject.

But in true Bulletin style, it failed to follow through in proper journalistic style and ask the one obvious tough question: why was the event REALLY cancelled, madam mayor? And why was it such a rushed decision? AND WHAT COVID RESTRICTIONS? The mayor is unlikely to direct her aerobics class councillors to reverse this deeply unpopular decision, which is surely hiding some other agenda. Even the mayor has admitted that money was involved, but blamed that on a year of covid restrictions … which rolled-gold, nickel-plated, 100% utter bullshit.

So now we are entitled to ponder that if a relatively minor expenditure, one that is usually already budgeted for, has fallen over, then this council is in bigger financial strife than it is letting on. It is now at the stage that the mayor, the new CEO and the council itself must speak up to damp down growing rumblings, particularly in sections of the business community,  that this council has been, and maybe is right now, trading insolvent. And that’s a big no-no.

Blaming covid restrictions for this pointless and anti-family event is complete and insulting nonsense. Surely an administrator in Brisbane must be warming up the car for the trip north soon.

They Wish …

The latest quarterly newspaper readership figures were dropped around during the week, and it there would’ve been a mixed reaction down in the Astonisher bunker.

There’s clearly been a covid-kick in weekly readership , up 4000 over the same period last year, but –oh, dear, kick the cat someone – the weekend flagship Bulletin has dropped a massive 25% against 2019. And And add to that a nasty little tinkle to the advertising manager’s jewels is the sister paper, the Cairns Post, which is significantly up on both weekdays and weekends. (Also note, though,  the off-the-cliff stats for the Gold Coast Bulletin, losing fully a third of weekend readers in one of the most lucrative property markets in Australia.)

But if you want a cruel laugh at the local paper (and why not, they so heartily deserve it/) have a look at something The Magpie came across when looking for something else this week. This from the Bulletin’s Wikipedia page. Check out the circulation figures.

Remembering that circulation means the number of printed papers put into circulation, those figures are not only totally fanciful, they never were that high, nowhere near. What they’ve done here is quote the readership figures from about 15 years ago. And don’t think this Wiki page is just something easily overlooked or forgotten about … as you can see, the Wiki page was last ‘updated’ on October 6^th THIS YEAR.

Now circulation figures are no longer declared by newspaper, has been just all too grim in recent years, but there was a time – maybe still is – that falsifying circulations figures was punishable by considerable sanction. This is because the claim of circulation was used to set and justify advertising rates. So the sloppy disregard for this public claim of circulations figures may actually be illegal …although circ stats are now a closely guarded secret, it certainly isn’t true. The Bulletin used to claim that eight separate people read every paper (utter crap, and always was, but this is the Bulletin, so if the crap fits … ) so by that standard on the above readership, weekdays are down to under 5000 circulation and weekends are … good Lord … around 4000. And digital subscriptions must be dire, or otherwise we’d be hearing about it – loudly and tediously.)

Here’s the readership outcomes for all mastheads, newspapers, with the big boys including their digital readership.

Think This War Crimes Report Is While Deeply Shocking Is Remote From everyday Townsville Life? Think Again.

While the heart-sickening issues uncovered are yet to play out within the military justice system, there is one matter that hasn’t been broached around here … and that is that Townsville, Australia’s biggest garrison city, is now a possible target for what some self-interested unhinged group will, call retaliation. In other words, a terrorist attack.

This is not unmerited alarmist conjecture. Why would it no be possible for some group to attempt to target say, a night club down on Via Vomitaotrium aka Flinders Street East, hoping to kill or maim Aussie off-duty soldiers, and bugger the collateral damage? (That said, The Magpie has every faith in the security forces deployed in Australia and their spoiling exploits to keep us safe from raving religious lunatics. but raving lunatics don’t give up. And attacks by speeding vehicles used as a killing weapon are hard to predict or counter.)

It is a sobering thought, which you may consider next time you feel like bitching about airport security rigmarole – when we get back to flying regularly again.

The other matter would seem fairly clear-cut.

Under the rules of war agreed to by Australia as well as most other western nations, there is one matter which s yet to be addressed … in the dock alongside the actual perpetrators may well be officers right up the command chain, AND POSSIBLY INCLUDING THE RELEVANT FEDERAL MINISTER AND EVEN THE PRIME MINISTER.

This possibility is courtesy of an international protocol known as the Yamashita Standard, which Australia applies to our defence forces. It is a totally unreasonable doctrine that states a commander can be held accountable for crimes committed by his troops even if he did not order them, did not know about them or did not have the means to stop them. It was successfully formulated and used to convict Japanese commander General Tomoyuki Yamashita at the end of World War 11 over the actions – unknown to him – of some of his troops in the Phillipines. This standard has been used in recent years in trials in the Hague regarding incidents in Serbia.

But unreasonable or not, it IS the Australian standard, too, and will remain so until Canberra suddenly realises what a can of worms it has unintentionally opened. It is a safe bet that the Queensland example of changing inconvenient laws retrospectively will suddenly be all the vogue in Canberra to allow those higher up the chain of command to get off scot free. Certainly those of ministerial level.

And here is an overall look at the possibilities and relevant histories that may affect the judgement of these freshly uncovered war crimes – for that is surely what they were, there is no argument about that, just the implications for all involved. And who is punished.

Katter Gets It Oh-So-Right

The infuriating thing about the Katter Party, especially at state level, (Bob has always been virtually irrelevant at federal level) is that they are a policy mix of the fabled ‘curate’s egg’ – good in parts. Occasionally, in among bad deals and fruit loop policies, up pops an issue that you’d vote for.

With that in mind, Robbie Katter gets The Magpie quote of the week in this article.

In there, Robbie makes this self-explanatory statement about what is called the ‘He Said, She Said’ bill he is introducing to state parliament.

‘We are getting to the point where we there are increasingly hostile and intolerant elements in society that demand that everydat people bow down to their agendas under the guise of political correctness. Our language and our rights are being removed by stealth, and what KAP is doing is trying to put a stop to this.’

An earlier version of the bill was knocked back by parliament, and this one will, be, too, Robbie … simply because the leaders of this assault on language and champions of codified bullying is – of course – the Labor Party.

Trump Is Right …There Is A Leaker In His Camp

Ever had a bad hair day? Then spare a thought for the slowly disintegrating Rudy Giuliani, Trump’s increasingly frenzied chief liar .. sorry lawyer … regarding the election outcome. In a sweaty media conference, Giuliani had a lot of nonsense to say, but no one was listening … they were all looking … at this ..

Seems it was a genuine meltdown by Rudy, or at least by his dyed hair, which couldn’t handle the sweaty conditions. The ‘Pie did not laugh on the grounds that he does not mock the afflicted (no really, he doesn’t, tee hee hee). But those US satirists, they have no such restraints, as the Trumpanzee sinks slowly into the mire of his own making.

   

And there have been many musical tributes and advice to Trump, the latest coming from Joe Biden … someone had a lot of time to put this clever clip together … the piano cutaways are side splitting. All singalong now.

And Finally, Speaking Of Arsesoles

Well, it IS Sunday.

………….

Another week, another litany of lunacy. That includes comments, which you really join have a crack at, it’s almost as much fun as the blog.

And, as mentioned earlier, a donation or two would also be fun … for us all, after all, it is everybody’s Nest.