From A Mullet To A Kipper? Guess Who Wants To Be Our Next Mayor?

The Magpie has been justified in his annual news watch over the distracted silly season,  because he winkled out an obscure interview on an obscure radio station that signalled the entry of another wannabee to the Townsville mayoral musical chairs.  The man who was sacked for non-performance as head of TEL, local ‘business identity’ David Kippin wants to be our next mayor.  The merits of that will be debated elsewhere, but the undeniable danger is the right-wing blow-hard in the background, who will orchestrate The Kipper’s campaign if we ever have another mayoral election. The Magpie has the full horror story.

More lies and ineptitude from Townsville Enterprise during the week, highlighting why the Townsville Council MUST rethink its inane decision to put this fraudulent outfit in charge of a ratepayer funded million plus dollar ‘events’ budget.  And TEL’s long-bungling marketing director Lisa Woolfe should have the decency to resign after her insulting and dishonest claims in Friday’s paper.

And while we’re in this territory of community insult,  a similarly incredible claim by the Bulletin, the proof of which they will claim as ‘commercial in confidence’.

And The ‘Pie asks a question about the North Rail yards debacle that no one has bothered to ask before.

Plus a bumper US gallery of political cartoons.

The Magpie’s overwhelming emotion towards the coming year is one of morbid curiosity, given that the prospects, from our own council to the Trump disaster, from climate catastrophe to the return of tiresome up-himself shit Nick Kyrgios to the tennis circuit,  are sufficient to drive the most enthusiastic Pollyanna to contemplate rusty razor blades.  But The Magpie urges our hardy band to stick with task of trying to keep the bastards honest, by having your own say in comments.  The button for donations remains in its usual spot at the bottom of the blog. But you know that, don’t you?

First,  A Short Review Of Where We Are, Where We’ve Come From … And A Magpie Theory Of Why.

As the days drag out but the years fly by in Townsville, The Magpie is more and more convinced that there is, gathered in a celestial front bar somewhere,  a collection of Star Wars-like character playing a drinking game, rolling the 11-sided dice to see who can top whatever the last horror that the dice decreed for Townsville.  For more than a decade, (a matter of mere minutes in our celestial bar game) no one was able to roll a worse horror than Jenny Hill, so she stayed at the top of the list, fighting off vigorous challenges from various state Labour politicians and pipsqueak opponents. Her personally appointed CEO Adele The Impaler Young gave her brief competition, but herself became a victim of mayoral pique and shafting..

But when uppity voters turfed out Mayor Mullet last March, it was game on in earnest,. The tumbling dice were relentless, giving us first a fraudulent conman Troy Thompson as mayor,  then a jelly-backed Labor premier who spitefully dumped the issue of dismissal. at the 11th hour on his victorious opponents. They in turn,  using the incomprehensible incompetence of the CCC, left it to spineless new minister Ann Leahy to award the conman mayor a 12 month suspension on full pay.  Then, the esoteric craps game gave us a crap ‘acting’ replacement in Paul Jacob, who annoyed ambitious colleagues by dressing like an unmade bed, so he was toppled and one of the most vicious, unmerited and out-of-touch replacements as deputy mayor – and therefore mayor pro tem – in. the form of dumpy little darling,  Ann-Maree Greaney.

And that is where we find ourselves as we apprehensively edge into this New Year.

So one would hope that our far, far away dice players would have a break to syphon the python – a literal matter for Grok from Planet Reptilio – and give us a bit of a rest over the holiday period.

Fat chance.

From Mayor Mullet To King Kipper?

But no, they managed to sneak in the threat of a new hidden horror, but it was tucked away where they thought it wouldn’t come to light too quickly, a sort of dipping the toe in the political waters.

The way they hid the lurking menace was by having it aired on an obscure radio program on a relatively obscure radio station, 4TTT.  The program, which no doubt counts its far reaching audience in the tens of  tens, glories the suitably naf title of Over A Cuppa, and is hosted by The Magpie’s suitably obscure old mate, the political wannabee and booze-bloomed ranting misogynist Max Tomlinson.

Now Max, who has been suffering RDS (Relevance Deprivation Syndrome) since being booted of the GM’s chair at the Bulletin 20 years ago,  seems to fancy himself as a ‘shogun’, a power behind the throne – any throne that will have him – having worked for the successful Ewen Jones  campaign.  he himself was pre-selected as the LNP candidate for Thuringowa in 2012, before chickening out and withdrawing (Sam Cox got the gig.) Max also worked briefly on Fran O’Callaghan’s campaign team, until he chucked that in when Fran wouldn’t bow to his bluster and bullying.

But Max is nothing if not inventive,  so it appears he cooked up a hokey interview with his old mate David ‘The Kipper’ Kippin, ostensibly to just have a chat about this and that, but in fact, the real purpose was  to float the idea of The Kipper running for mayor when the occasion arises.  That’s a  proposition you can bet would include Max becoming a highly paid mayoral advisor.  This 40 minute interview (the things The ‘Pie does for you, dear reader!) was aired just as the Silly Season of public distraction started on December 18, and is well-rehearsed pure political positioning … personal family background (the Kippin family has been in Townsville for 110 years),  and other aspects fleshing out the potential candidate’s personality and beliefs, but interestingly, no solid suggestions as to how to pull the city out of its current low point.  With lessons learned from the blundering Troy Thomson’s lies,  The Kipper was open about the biggest blot on his professional copybook, his sacking from TEL, when many local businessmen called for his dumping for alleged ‘underperformance’. Kippin made this episode sound like it was all someone else’s fault, that unidentified dark forces were worked against him. If true, that would be karma, since dark forces in the form of businessmen John Bearne and Tony Ireland had shoehorned him into the job in the first place. However even although admitting in the radio interview that at that time, money was scarce for TEL,  he  failed to mention that there were many pissed off that one of his first executive actions was to award himself a then unheard off $250k annual salary.

But as the interview progressed,  The Magpie became increasingly alarmed at Max’s persistent references to Kippin’s physical appearance – the size of his feet, his height, his toughness, his interest in Thai boxing (Max’s ideal macho man) – as bromances go, the gushing was such that this seemed to be heading into condom and canola oil territory.But The Kipper was suitably modest and embarrassed at Max’s hagiography.

But once the scene was set, then came the big question:

Max: ‘Your name has again come up (linked to a run for mayor).Would you consider it if someone tapped you on the shoulder,’ asked Max, tapping him on the shoulder.

The Kipper (hiding his surprise at such an unexpected  question): ‘Yes I would. I am incensed at what (Thompson) has done to this city that I love. If it came to a new election, I would seriously consider putting my hand up.’

Thence followed some confused blather from both men about destiny ‘maybe it’s part of the plan‘ and that sort guff. No mention of where Mr Kippin was during the years Jenny Hill was on her rampage, effectively destroying the progress of Townsville stone dead with her irresponsible fiscal ignorance.  Somehow, the attraction now of an open field without any formidable opponent is far more attractive, eh Dave?.

So there you have it, a confessed admirer of Margaret Thatcher and a  bloke who couldn’t run Townsville Enterprise (on a a self-awarded salary of greater than the mayor) now wants to run our city … which ironically putatively runs TEL.

And having Max Tomlinson in your corner won’t help with the female vote … on the direct orders of then Opposition leader Tony Abbott,  Max was sacked from Senator Ian Macdonald’s office for his neanderthal attitude towards women.  As the Brisbane Times reported in April, 2012.

Max Tomlinson, the then media adviser to Liberal National Party Senator Ian Macdonald, wrote to Dr Carole Ford after she penned a newspaper column criticising the lack of female representation in Queensland’s parliament. In his email, Mr Tomlinson tells Dr Ford “like most women, you probably don’t possess the necessary drive, determination and decisiveness that men innately possess.

“It’s not a personal criticism; it’s a fact of biology.”

“That was part of nature’s grand design to enable men to be stronger, more fearless and more determined than their sisters. Sorry, Carole, fact not fiction.”

But also from the fact not fiction file, Max, in terms of political awareness, biology,  decency and simple intelligence, you are a simpleton. The day-before-yesterday’s man.

Another Year Of Doing Townsville’s Favourite Dance – The Cruise Ship Cringe

Simple dance, really, you just curl your toes up in embarrassment, clench your jaw indignantly at the insult, and clench your fist wanting to hit someone as you stamp up and down in  rage and shame.  The insult comes when we are fed this absolute self-interested and manufactured bollocks.

This truly is insulting stuff from this grinning nitwit Lisa Woolfe  when she burbles out unprovable and selective crap like this. “We surveyed approximately 300 passengers and they’ve ranked this beautiful city and our beautiful region 4.8 out of 5. 4.8 out of 5 is absolutely sensational so passengers are walking back onto those ships absolutely loving this region, which certainly does help attract then back into this region.” If you actually believe that, Ms Woolfe, you are in urgent need of a professional help regarding reality. This is grossly irresponsible from a person in your position, and The Magpie believes your wilfully ignorant, even pernicious outlook is actively harming this city’s reputation.

Visitors are generally polite, Lisa,  so using visitors’ solicited comments as proof of you having done a good job is at the very least unprofessional. And a box ticking ranking system is really meaningless.m Not a single negative, Lisa?  Unlike the writer of this pointed but polite letter to all Townsville Councillors ands also you and your colleagues at TEL  (you could not have seen this), and eventually printed in the Bulletin.

Despite the reasonableness of the letter, the writer received NOT ONE SINGLE REPLY FROM ANYBODY. Including you, Ms Woolfe, whose job would be exactly to reply to such letters.

So here’s a dose of reality for you, m’dear from a Magpie reader who is outraged by you and your organisation’s  dilatory and dishonest behaviour, and incensed by your newspaper article.

So, Ms Woolfe,  your wittering about laudatory surveys is unhinged lunacy, insulting in its transparent utter manipulated bullshit.

And as usual from the Bulletin, not a single question asked of this bleating sheep in wolf’s clothing. The ‘Pie hastens to add that there this is no slight directed at cadet reporter Holly Fishlock (not a jibe, she actually IS a cadet journalist of three months experience), it is again the lack of mentoring and supervision of junior staff back in the newsroom.

So what question might she have asked if properly briefed by her chief of staff?  Well, Ms Fishlock might have asked as a matter of transparency, why one cruise line has cancelled a long standing annual visit to the city but no public reason has been given for the cancellation. And Ms Woolfe might also like to comment on that scathing letter  quoted above.  Not that any coherent answers would be forthcoming, but a reporter’s job is to ask the questions to hold those in power to account … the answers are entirely a matter for the person being asked. including refusals to answre, which speak volumes.

All the above is why Jenny Hill’s fin al kick in ther slats to the community, aided and abetted by Foodtrucks Greaney, to award a million dollar plus contract for event attraction to TEL must be called back and openly debated. The ratepayers have a right to know how and why their rates are going towards this proven joke of an amateur outfit.

But You’ve learnt Well From Your Boss

This woman has got more front than a Clive Palmer look-alike competition. Now she’s hinting the delegation she was in to Canberra a month or so ago (led by the then acting mayor Paul Jacob) sealed the deal on Albo’s $7billion Bruce Highway bandaid. Seriously, this insolence joke on the ratepayer must stop.

 The ‘Pie will bet a penny to a pinch of poo that the funding was allocated despite, and not because of, her, shopping trip to the national capital.

And From The Did He really Say That? File

‘Congo line?’Yep, them African darkies sure know how to dance, don’t they,  Andy?

Question for Astonisher Iditor Cas Garvey

Why, oh why, do you give this irrelevant, fractured mind oxygen for his destructive, vindictive views?

He has absolutely zero influence or credence with the powers in charge of deciding to appoint administrators. And publicising his snide campaign, you (yes even you and your busted arse newspaper) give him a hundred times greater audience than he would otherwise command.

Cas, by continuing to engage with this severely damaged personality, you risk undoing all the sterling work you have done to expose his defrauding of the Townsville community. In the interests of the community, you need to give up this vain chase for further readership, and simply ban such stories about his pointless sulking opinions.

And Just While We’re Speaking Of Readership 

The ‘Pie goggled when he googled  this little scrap of what is surely wildly overestimated misinformation. But at least when it comes to the truth and facts, a suitable one-word headline was used as example of a front page. The victim of the carnage in this instance is the truth.

The only answer to that grossly inflated nonsense  is ‘you wish’.

Given anecdotal evidence that the print run is now down to around 15-16,000 weekdays, and maybe 20/25,000 on weekends, we (well the advertisers actually) are asked to believe that Bulletin has quadrupled its readership, to the point where more than 50% of the population read it one way or t’other.  Which is arrant twaddle.  But perhaps they’re using the old trick of estimating how many different poeople read a single copy, but that can hardly work with online subscriptions. So suddenly around 70,000 have signed up? Circulation figures were once mandated to be public information, but that has long since disappeared from view when the industry leaders decided they were haemorrhaging too much to social media.  So we will never know the real figures, they have become -ta da! – commercial in confidence.

Certain Words And Phrases The Magpie Doesn’t Want To Hear in 2025

Here’s a short list

1. iconic – unless it actually means being regarded as a representative symbol one immediately associates with a place … the Eiffel Tower makes you think of Paris,  the Empire State Building of New York, Sydney has twin icons in the bridge and the Opera House, and a burnt out stolen car immediately makes you think  of Townsville.

2. alleged, a word that has a specific meaning – to describe an action or situation that someone claims happened but that has not been confirmed or proven, especially a crime. This meaning is beyond certain lazy writers who regularly make schoolboy howlers,  like ‘the alleged body was found …’  ‘police allegedly detained the suspect at the shopping centre’ and the riceless one from last year ‘the police allege they arrested to 34-year-old man outside the hotel’. What, maybe they didn’t?

3. ‘died tragically, sadly’. How about just died and let the reader decide how they feel about it?

4. Mayor Troy Thompson.  Never again. Ever.

… and one that is trotted out by people who really should know better, when talking about the North Rail Yards debacle.

5. ‘… will breathe new life into the CBD.’ Oh, purleese, think what you’re saying.  The man in charge of the decontamination and development planning for the site, John Rosel  apparently knows about development but seems a bit shaky on urban social psychology. The NRY development, which will apparently be a mix of residential, retail and commercial offices space, will do exactly diddly squat for the parlous state of the CBD.  unless Mr Rosel knows something about this that we don’t.

There will be not one iota of improvement,  it will not create demand for new stores or services,  or foot traffic through the echoing canyon of Flinders Street.

Mr Rosel of all people should know this.  Because he was integrally involved in the excellent Honeycombe development adjacent to the rail yards closer to the CBD. A fine development,  now fully tenanted, but it has absolutely fuck all effect on the CBD. The NRY is on the outer fringe of what can be termed the CBD, and residents will undoubtedly gravitate more to Castletown or the bustling businesses of Charters Towers Road than the CBD. The new (currently stalled) private Westend hospital ditto, where staff are unlikely to make any break time or after work shopping move into the costly regulated  parking regime of the CBD.

Fringe developments will always be worthy,  but they will not be the answer to the CBD woes which will need bold, imaginative  and invariably expensive) solutions and strong leadership. Both are in short supply in this neck of the woods  just now.

Trump Promises To Be An Invasive Species

The newly-minted criminal President-elect, whose actions rarely match what comes from his pursed cat’s bum mouth,  has made a weak attempt to emulate his criminal mate Putin’s main tactic … invade a peaceful independent country on the basis of homeland security. But Trump always has to go one up, so not only has he made empty threats to invade and take Greenland from the Danish (and from Greenlanders) but also re-take the Panama Canal from Panama.   Neither threat is remotely likely, as the US economy gets set to crash and burn, but this is the sort of distracting horseshit we are again going to have to get used to, as this dangerous wrecking ball lays waste to one of the world’s oldest democracies.

But while a majority of American voters have agreed to sleepwalk into a this universal disaster, it is the the invasion threats of foreign lands that have caught the humorists’  imagination … and not just in America. The folks at The Shovel had a bit of fun too.

Miscellaneous

North Ward creature invasion … apparently.

And The ‘Pie met a bloke in the Seaview the other day who said he was the council elephant catcher. The ‘Pie pointed out there weren’t any elephants in Townsville. ‘Doin’ a good job then, ain’t I?” he replied. Boom tish.

Best headlines of the week. in amongst all the tortured juvenile dad joke puns, there are occasional clever ones, like this.

A final fond farewell to the  grumpy sports team of the year (from The Shovel again).

Has it come to this?

 And Last But Not Least …

Niagara Falls just before Jenny Hill was appointed to manage the inflow of the Niagara River from Lake Erie.

…. ….

The  Nest is back in business now, get in with your comment on any subject you like (but please, make it interesting and not too ranty).  comments, tips via email (email hidden; JavaScript is required) and donations via big button below.  it’s gunna be fun, folks.