And love/hate sitcoms … we’ve had Lucille and Desi, Jackie Gleason’s Ralph and Alice in the Honeymooners, Alf and Elsie ‘Til Death Us Do Part’ , Deborah and Raymond in Everybody loves Raymond, here in Oz, Mother and Son (and here in Townsville, the long running thigh-slapper Jenny and Vern). But suddenly there’s a new one on the scene, featuring a put-upon bloke and his flighty, day-dreaming partner. The ‘Pie checks out the unrequited tale of Roy and Emma.
The ‘Pie finds another musical oddity for you, allots the Quote of the Week and will amaze you with the fact that the subbing balls-up award of the week DID NOT go to the Astonisher. And Bentley offers up one of his very best when he looks at the story of Captain Canine.
The news business is always a bit of a roller coaster ride, as witnessed in the Daily Astonisher this week.
They had an ignominious start to the week with this thoughtless and jarring front page.
The town ’being torn apart’ was Mt Isa, after the road death of a popular young schoolteacher, and to make the juxtaposition worse, the celebrating TV contestants also come from Mt Isa (pop: 22,000). Even if there had been a more clearly defining border between the pic and the other story, the side-by-side layout made it all a definite no-no – or would’ve back when anybody cared.
But Friday was a different matter, with the ripping yarn of of an Ingham grandmother pinged for continuing to collect her dead mum’s pension for 20 years after she had shuffled off this mortal coil.
Clever.
But the paper’s best story of the week by far was Wednesday’s yarn about a solo sea dog, the pooch left in the still-motoring tinny after its master had fallen overboard off he Strand.
All ended well, but indeed, it was this little escapade that captured Bentley’s imagination, which envisaged a ‘Rise of the Planet of the Dogs’ scenario which suggests it all may not have been an accident.
That story was one of the few bits of fun available for the powers that be down at The Astonisher.
You’ll recall that iditor Pinocchio Heywood decided on the biblical loaves and fishes defence (‘kerrrist, it’s a bloody miracle’) when he decided to tell us that against all other indicators, Astonisher readership had shot up more than 5% in the last year so that an average of five people read every weekday issue (oh, stopit, yakillinme) … making 98,000 readers daily m-f. He was quoting figures from emma, Enhanced Media Metric Australia (emphasis clearly on the ‘enhanced’), the measuring mob set up by publishers and mainly funded by News, because they didn’t like the figures from the traditional pollsters damaging their bottom line so much.
But during the week, along came the independent Roy Morgan outfit, who begged to differ somewhat … if you count 100% as differing. The numbers for the last year speak for themselves.
Even although the weekday figure dropped just a thousand readers, Pinocchio will probably kick the cat when he thinks about those buoyant figures from the Cairns Post, which actually picked up readership m-f, and held the fort at 82k on Saturdays, while the Bulletin shed another 13,000 weekend readers, down to a paltry 59,000.
And our old mate Peter Typo Gleeson, with brave but trembling lower lip, gold neck chain askew and quivering bum-crack, remains steadfast on the bridge of the Sunday Mail, skillfully gliding it below the waves whipped by increasing public indifference to this particular ship of fools.
So emma will continue to provide the laughs in this sitcom, while Roy patiently puts things in perspective, but the real test will come when the circulation figures hit sometime in the next few weeks. Sphincters are hyperventilating already down on Flinders Street West.
But there seems to be a bottoming out for some of the big metro players, especially with quality (Fairfax) coming out ahead of hysteria (News Corpse). If this sort of stuff is your go, check out the national picture here.
Nothing on Craig Gore this week. His penalties hearing court were adjourned to a later date yesterday, but the adjectives used by ASIC in the hearing stopped just short of scum bag. Don’t know why. Will keep watching.
Noted during the week – the subbing – or lack thereof – cock-up of recent times belongs not to the Astonisher but to the local ALP.
With noms closing yesterday for ALP pre-selections for the seat of Herbert, favourite Cathy O’Toole has been, as they say in the movies ‘getting her shorts in a bunch’ over the unexpected challenge from Patricia ‘Little Patty’ Schluter. So as well as calling in union left-wing heavies from Brisbane to strong arm the locals, and enjoying the support of a hectoring letter writing campaign by brother-in-law Mike Capt Snooze Reynolds, Cathy decided a visit by a Canberra big-wig would impress the local faithful. So they were all sent a glossy invitation to have an Iced Vo-Vo with Senator Chris Ketter last Wednesday night.
Or were they?
Of all the regions not to make that boo-boo, this would be it. Somewhat put the Katter amongst the pigeons, one surmises, and someone has no doubt had her ample bum right royally kicked over that one (no, that is not a reference to Ms O’Toole).
But there were other bits of foolish frippery around the place.
Laurie Daley
NSW Origin coach Laurie Daley gets the Gus Gould Mangled Message Trophy for the Quote of the Week, when asked about Josh Reynolds tripping charge and suspension as Origin selection looms: ‘It’s unfortunate he is going to miss a week and he will then have one more opportunity to put his best foot forward.’ We know what you mean, mate.
Moving on.
It was once said that models are almost all $20million airports with 20 cent control towers. Think so? Well here’s a little test.
When you look at this picture,
a: what do you think the gal is athinkin’, … and
b: what do you think this gal is athinkin’ that you’re athinkin?
Well, here’s what went down. Model (apparently in the ‘super’ category, whatever that means but certainly sounds better than ‘jumbo’) Marisa Miller was so upset with alleged animal abuse at Seaworld (USA), she stopped her grinnin’ and dropped her linen for a photo shoot in the nuddy in a very lonely looking bathtub. Her idea (obvious really) was to raise awareness of the alleged animal abuse – what else?
So the answers are a: she is thinking about the ordeals of the orcas and plight of the porpoises, …
b; she is thinking that your now thinking the ordeals of the orcas and plight of the porpoises.
Well, of course you are, fellas, although perhaps not too hard, just being silently grateful to the mistreated little buggers for providing the inspiration for Ms Miller to de-kit herself for us. One imagines up in the Appalachians, more than just awareness is being raised behind closed doors. You know, those doors with half moons carved in ‘em, at them places down past the woodheap.
Well, not so dumb after all, according to Mongrel the Barrister. ‘I don’t know about youse blokes,’ he intoned to a Poseurs’ throng, ‘but the very sight of a naked woman – in or out of the tub – turns my mind immediately to matters marine and the plight of those creatures that haven’t survived but whose ummm … memory lingers on hur hur hur.’
Really, that Mongrel is enough to put The ‘Pie off his hand-caught, wild-raised, feminist-approved, public schooled, politically correct and fully counseled tuna sandwich.
Finally …
For no particular reason, interesting (read nostalgic) music has been coming The ‘Pie’s way of late. This week, he came across this surprising video … surprising because the old bird had no idea that an actor he greatly admires – Kevin Spacey – showed off some musical skills hitherto unannounced to the world.
Kevin Spacey
Who would pick him for an accomplished ‘harpoon’ man, to use Kris Kristoffererson’s term.
Pianoman Billy Joel
But catch the stellar line-up who pay tribute the piano man Billy Joel at a special Washington concert (although why Tony Bennett didn’t utter a sound is a mystery– looked a bit ‘spacey’ himself, as though someone had slipped him a roofie just before coming on stage).
Maybe The ‘Pie is just getting a bit dreamy for the more simpler times, before technology appeared to replace everything … well, almost everything.
Then there is this:
Daughter: ” Daddy, I am coming home to get married.
Take out your check book. Dad, I’m in love with a boy who is far away from me.
I am in Australia and he lives in the UK .
We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook,
had long chats on web. app,
he proposed to me on Skype
and now we’ve had two months of relationship through Viber.
Dad, I need your blessings good wishes and a big wedding.”
>
Father: “Wow! Really!! Then get married on Twitter,
>have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal.
>And if you are fed up with your husband….sell him on Ebay”.
Quite.
