Like Stephen Leacock’s famous anti-hero, the Astonisher has ‘flung itself, from the room, flung itself upon its horse, and rode madly off in all directions’. It’s been a monumental week of things that MIGHT happen. The pathos is palpable.
Blood on the bench? Is Mike Capt Snooze Reynolds about to become a proud hubby. The imminent appointment of a new District Court judge in Townsville is sure to cause some Labor angst in the ranks of the local legal faithful.
And love is in the air … Big Red Hanson has an unexpected crush but it’s likely to be unrequited love … and while it sounds like an ice cream brand, the Ben and Jenny love match reached embarrassing public proportions this week when the Mullet and Bogan all but confirmed a commercial/political marriage of mendacity.
… and two disturbing sides of the member for Dawson … from Outback Enforcer to Gorgeous Gay George … Is Christenson suffering an identity crisis?
But first …
You’ll remember in the 2013 election, Julian Assange stood for a senate seat in Victoria, representing the legally registered Wikileaks Party. He was rated the same chance as a fart in a fan factory, and duly went down faster than Monica Lewinsky. The party was de-registered in 2015.
But with some possibility that Assange may soon be able leave the London’s Ecuadorian Embassy, where he has been holed up for the past few years to avoid (bogus, according to him) Swedish rape charges, some believe that another run for the Senate could be on the cards. Seems that maybe One Notion squeaker Pauline Hanson might be on the recruiting trail, having publicly announced Assange to be some sort of Aussie hero. Bentley is fascinated.
That’s Not The Only Disturbing Image Out Of Canberra This Week
Townsville folk out Oonoomba way, who have the misfortune to live in the seat of Dawson (courtesy of iniquitous electoral boundary laws) will be well advised to lock their doors should their local member come acallin’. The deliberate early release of this photograph, adorning the cover of the SMH’s Good Weekend magazine, has gone viral during the week.
Some are puzzled by the unanswered question posed by the pic – George was brought up a Catholic but here he is sporting a Coptic Madonna tattooed on his arm. Maybe it is a ploy to get the Greek/East European vote maybe, while maybe the whip is a nod to his Catholic schooldays. But George seems to be flirting on the fringe of more than just Liberal far-right politics, and it appears has made attempts to shore up the gay vote too. This shot of Gorgeous George appeared in the Mackay paper a few years ago.
Reminds The ‘Pie of this dance by those nimble hippos and elephants in Fantasia. And is that Christopher Pyne the hippo is dancing with? Maybe George is the elephant, because it’s the the one that brings the house down – literally in this case.
Blood On The Bench
When the world of politics meets the judicial world head-on, it is certain there will be bloodletting, calls for revenge, howls of indignation and much ripping up of nighties and thwarted egos when new judges are appointed in Queensland.
First, for those not in the know, it is a fact that judgeships go to those lawyers who have been in the ranks of the faithful of the whatever party is ruling in George Street at the time. (Well, duh, you say …)
Word around town is that barrister Janice Mayes is a hot tip to replace the retiring John Baulch on the District Court here in Townsville next February. Ms Mayes, a life-long Labor tub thumping union organiser, sister of Federal member for Herbert Cathy O’Toole, and also the missus of former waste-of-space member for Townsville Mike Capt Snooze Reynolds, is said to be gazed upon fondly and favourably by Anna Alphabet’s George Street push of the moment. Some have raised an eyebrow at that, since Ms Mayes became a barrister about a decade ago (and a pretty good one by The Magpie’s personal observation), her main arena has been family court matters. Some wonder if she has yet got the breadth of experience desirable for a DC judge.
One person who probably thinks not is local barrister Tony Collins, who one would have thought would be first cab off the rank. An ardent Labor man, Comrade Collins had a trial run (no pun intended) a few years ago for a few months, but apparently fell at a couple of judicial jumps, and didn’t make permanency that time.
A digression: Mr Collins somehow thinks The Magpie had something to do with this failure, something to do with an alleged comment Mr Collins erroneously believes The ‘Pie made in the paper about him being a Labor hack, a phrase that can neither be found in the archives and would have been unlikely to be used by The Magpie or to be allowed in the paper by then editor Mick Carroll. Still, the situation raises again the question of why people who refuse to speak at all to the old bird somehow regard it as a punishment. For the blessed peace of it all, The ‘Pie won’t disabuse them of their error.
Anyway, The ‘Pie’s guess is that the very able Mr Collins is making so much of the folding he probably can’t afford to drop down to the Judge’s miserly stipend of around $400,000 per.
Bogan’s Boast
Astonisher iditor Ben English
Inevitably, it wouldn’t be a Nest without the Astonisher getting some attention … and what a confusing week it has been for them.
First worth mentioning is the paper’s brazen iditor Ben ‘Bogan’ English who recently told a businessmen’s gathering about all the great things the paper had done for Townsville including ‘getting a new CBD stadium’ and also, and more interestingly, ‘getting rid of the council.’ So much for the dispassionate journalistic observer.
But it’s been a week of earth shattering news in the Astonisher … on Monday, the whole joint was riveted by this story …
… about something that wasn’t going to happen, didn’t matter, and no one had expected it to happen anyway.
Then on Tuesday, just as we were recovering with a strong cup of cocoa to calm those Yasi Yips, the paper sent us reeling with the news of something they think MIGHT happen … although it was NOT even unofficially confirmed by either of the two conglomerates involved.
`
No it was just ‘thought’ to be happening by a totally uninvolved retailer who is vacating a large space in Stockland early next year. That person ‘thinks it’s a done deal’ that H&M – the Ikea of the clothing world, it would seem – will take over the space they are leaving.
It is a revealing … and confusing day … when our opinion-leading newspaper thinks that an almost mildly interesting story to a minority of readers (which must be closing in on double digits) is front page fodder.
But Did The Bulletin Miss The Real Story
Researching the background to discover the journalistic wizardry with which the Townsville Bulletin is so blessed, The Magpie came across an interesting paragraph in a Sydney Morning Herald story from June this year. It reported on the opening of H&M stores in Toowoomba and Wollongong (a priority of pecking order preference ahead of Townsville which is interesting in itself). The matter of interest was:
‘H&M Australia’s arrival at Wollongong comes as department store chain David Jones is to lease the space being vacated by Myer at Wollongong Central as part of the group’s roll out of new concept stores. Myer has decided not to renew the lease at Wollongong and Orange as part of its recently announced strategy to consolidate its store network.’
Uh ho, did the Astonisher possibly miss a real story here, or deliberately opt for a puff piece probably leaked to News Ltd by H&M, a major advertiser seeking a few free pages before opening? Given that chilling corporate-speak phrase ‘strategy to consolidate its store network’, has iditor Ben Bogan English and PR spinner… err, sorry, reporter … Rachel Riley thought to have a chat with their pals at Myer? Given the parlous state of the Townsville economy at the moment, it would be reasonable to ask Myer if Townsville was not ripe to feature in its consolidation (read ‘closure’) when its lease is up – whenever that is?
But wait, There’s More
But The Astonisher is written by those gits that keep on giving … on the very same page spruiking that an upmarket Swedish version of Best&Less ‘might’ grace us with its presence was the news that the start of three weekly flights to Toowoomba was ‘visionary’ – yes, you heard right, Toowoomba!! Port Morseby, eat ya heart out. The ‘well, duh’ statement was that defence forces will be big users. Oh, happy days are here again … people who would be arriving here anyway are now coming – for some reason – via Toowoomba or Darwin. Or leaving by the new route … but leaving nevertheless.
But The Bulletin Front pages Have Been More Imaginary Than Visionary.
Talk about schizoid! On Thursday, we got this …
Childishly stupid and dangerous because TEL is likely to send it out as a promotion for our ‘beach culture’. Then the very following day, to help us out of the deep depression caused by hysterical apocalyptic visions, we are served up this toe-curlingly embarrassing glop.
UPDATE: Alert commenter has just noted that coal has never been an ore.
Just hope Mr Adani doesn’t see the previous day’s paper, or this one for that matter. This brown-nose fawning is so undignified that it may well be counter productive. But all this is in line with the paper’s penchant for stories about what MIGHT happen.
Jenny’s In Deep DooDoos And She Knows It
So does Mullet Whisperer Dolan Hayes.
in her mayoral campaign, Mayor Mullet made a truly bad bet on rains happening by now, with those fateful words that are coming back like Banquos Ghost …’there is no water crisis’… and in that Jayne Arlett had made it all up. This is the Bulletin story from January … note the 11th sentence.
And now, in a desperate attempt to save the risible situation, Jenny’s Mullet Whisperer and political strategist Dolan Hayes has been feeding the compliant paper yarns about how the now very apparent water crisis has been the fault of previous state and federal governments over the years, and nothing to do with the council over the years … including the Mooney years when Mr Hayes was His Radiance’s chief media advisor and strategist.
And it will interesting to see if that Friday Bulletin insert of the regular City Update …
… is the only way ratepayers will get to see what their council says it is doing in a publication funded – by the ratepayer. This is how The ‘Pie saw it in comments this morning.
The Magpie
Submitted on 2016/12/03 at 10:23 am | In reply to Cracker.
THE BIG IF …. As The ‘Pie has pointed out elsewhere in comments, IF … and it is yet to be seen … this is the only method of getting the rate-payer funded City Update, with no traditional letterbox drop, it should be challenged. Stridently. Otherwise this represents a disenfranchisement of around 85% to 90% of ratepayers who are entitled to see what the council and the mayor (courtesy of the beautifully crafted words of Dolan Hayes) claims for itself. And The Bulletin cannot sit pat on this either way … if it being paid by the TCC for the insert that is exclusive to its distribution, that is reprehensible on both sides, and if it is not, it is an abortive attempt at power-play brown-nosing by the paper. Urge everyone to approach their local councillor on this matter. BUT THAT MIGHT PROVE A PROBLEM, TOO … UNLIKE THE PREVIOUS CITY UPDATES WHICH CARRIED ALL THE CONTACT DETAILS OF ALL THE COUNCILLORS AND MAYOR, THIS ONE DOESN’T. Not that it matters … there is only one decision maker in Walker Street in what are becoming increasingly dark days.
Don’t let this one go, folks, but if you do, don’t whinge.
Scammer Fail
This afternoon, The ‘Pie received an email from a good friend, which seemed a bit sus. And so it was, someone had purloined her email address list and sent this scamming attempt to inter alia a bemused Nest. It is about a pill that increases brain power … which you may purchase if you’re – hmmm – smart enough to.
In warning said friend, The ‘Pie sent this message:
Seems someone has been naughty with your email.
But anybody who falls for this tripe is in fact certainly in need of a ‘brain boost’ and ‘intelligence accelerator’. Using Kayne West as a successful example tends to give the game away from the get go.
Reminds The ‘Pie of the Rufus and Rastus joke of his youth.
Rufus: How come yo smarter than me, Rastus?
Rastus: Cos I eats smart pills.
Rufus: Can I have some oh dem pills? (NB note authentic 1950s racism)
Rastus: Sho, bro. (hands him some sheep droppings).
Rufus: (chewing) Hey, dehs taste like sheep shit!
Rastus: See, yo’s gettin’ smarter already.
Yes, yes, an oldie and a slightly tarnished oldie, but The ‘Pie’s daddy almost dropped his banjo he was laughing so hard when he told it to his golden haired boy.
Don’t forget to join in the comments 24-7, joust with the like and unlike minded. I And if you can assist with The ‘Pie meeting the costs of the blog upkeep, help out with a donation, the ‘how to’ button is below.
