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The Magpie

Saturday, November 18th, 2017   |   137 comments

TOWNSVILLE BULLETIN NATIONAL EXCLUSIVE: Paper Claims Anna Palaszczuk Is A Cross-Dressing Homosexual Man! They Really Do!

The Magpie kids you not, the Astonisher makes the claim prominently on its front page of Saturday’s paper. The ‘Pie reveals all.

Mayor Mullet’s hailed a visionary leader with her latest thought fa… err, innovative initiative. Then she goes to the dogs, literally. Well, a dog.

And Bushland Beach facing major storm surge which could wipe it out … well, that’s only according to the Astonisher’s Real Estate Guide.

But first …

Will It Never End

Just when we thought there was a merciful end to television and newspaper images of blokes wet slobbering other blokes, and gals going the tongue on each other, it looks like we face another round of suck face while the bill is debated in parliament. Then some more when SSM couples sashay down the aisle to meet marriage reality. The ‘Pie has no issue with SSM, but he finds even hetros lip-nibbling in public an unwanted invitation into the personal lives of total strangers. Those titillated by such fare are variously folks who also gorge on recreational grief ‘I really really loved Princess Diana’, repressed geeks in rooms lit only by a glowing spotty computer screen, or are those who fit the description of Liberace by pommy columnist Cassandra (William Connor) who copped a record libel payout for describing the bespangled poofy pianist as “…the summit of sex – the pinnacle of masculine, feminine and neuter. Everything that he, she and it can ever want… a deadly, winking, sniggering, snuggling, chromium-plated, scent-impregnated, luminous, quivering, giggling, fruit-flavoured, mincing, ice-covered heap of mother love.” Footnote: Liberace lied to the court and after being revealed as gay in later life, died from AIDS related pneumonia.

The Yes-No vote has managed to further split the Australian community because a lily-livered running scared government abdicated leadership and made it a cruel and protracted public circus, instead of doing what they will now do, and decide the matter in Parliament. Which of course will be what it always should have been $122million ago … legalise SSM. God, they’re gutless wonders.

The vitriol, not exclusively from the No side, made it clear that when the right thing is done and SSM becomes law, deep resentment of both the method and the fact will permanently simmer throughout Australian society. Samuel Butler summed up that sad situation more than 400 years ago when he wrote:

He that complies against his will

Is of his own opinion still

Which he may adhere to, yet disown,

For reasons to himself best known

It’s a rare day when The Magpie lets the Sydney Daily Terrorgragh speak for him, but while all other papers had from pages decked out in rainbow colours and gushy headlines, the Tele summed up just how over it the 85% of non-gay Aussies feel.

 Screen shot 2017-11-16 at 2.27.06 PM

Others are now touting the boost to the economy as the wedding industry gears up for lucrative times ahead (average cost of a wedding: $38,000!!!) But Bentley sees some token resistance from some certain hypocrites.

church weddings

Protection Racket?

Seems great cartooning minds think alike about certain areas of double standards.

A very crucial debate about the effect SSM legislation will have on free speech and freedom of belief has already started, with some legitimate concerns that the new law will force many to ‘comply against their will’. Particularly in the area of religion, where there are calls for protection for those who don’t agree with SSM. Larry Pickering sees the irony of these strange days.

15112017 protection SS

But Does Anna’s Bloke Know About This?

Who is writing the Astonisher’s headlines, this bloke?

alf garnett

Or some disappointed schoolyard foot stamper? Whoever it is, they either don’t understand English, or they revel in prepubescent name calling without knowing what they’re saying. Anna Alphabet has copped a juvenile spray for having the temerity to ‘snub’ a demand from the Townsville Bulletin to take part in a leaders debate this coming week. But the  premier never at any stage agreed to appear at the Bulletin sponsored party political debate next Wednesday in Townsville – the paper even acknowledges that the Premier was never a sure thing in its own ads for the gabfest.

debate ad ‘Tentative’ means of course, not certain or fixed, provisional. This ad itself was part of the standard bullying hubris that permeates News Ltd, an attempt to panic her into dancing to their tune.  

But boy, did The Astonisher rip up the nighty big time when she told them in good time that ‘she was unable to move a previous commitment (for next Wednesday) to another day’ and wouldn’t be able to make it. With all the authority and intelligence of an 8-year-old brandishing a cap pistol, the paper graced us with this embarrassing toe-curler front page.

Screen shot 2017-11-18 at 10.14.07 PM

pansy 3Now, putting aside the up-themselves arrogance of a tail wishing to wag the dog, calling the female premier a homosexual man breaks new ground even for this dying remanent of real journalism. FYI chuckleheads – Merriams dictionary: pansy |ˈpanzē|noun informal offensive an effeminate or homosexual man.

Tell us, would you, madam iditor, if Tim Nicholls had a prior commitment he had to honour instead of being harangued into attending your little hootenanny, would you have described him in similar derogatory female terms like ‘rug muncher’, ‘lezzo’ or even ‘dyke’

One imagines not … or imagined not until this front page.

Well, at least one advertiser agrees with you on your audience reach (top right).

Screen shot 2017-11-18 at 10.39.39 AM

Leading The Parade

Has Mayor Mullet just heard the American saying, ‘when you’re being run out of town, get to the head of the mob and look like you’re leading a parade’?

Let’s face it. It’s been a rough week for Madam Mullet, but finally some relief for our beleaguered mayor, who continues to be pilloried for plundering the ratepayers piggy bank at the behest of the billionaire corporate shyster, ‘Got’em’ Adani.

But now, Mayor Mullet is being praised from all points of the compass, with words like ‘visionary’ ‘inspirational’, ‘profound’ and ‘She WHAT?!?’ being bandied about. This all follows her Tuesday announcement of the innovative five week Basic Blitz campaign, during which council workers will be directed to clean and fix footpaths and gutters, remove graffiti, mow and weed public spaces, mulch gardens beds and repair water leaks.

Now, how’s that for thinking outside the brown paper bag!

townsville logo

Who else but a leadership genius could have the vision and imagination to make an announcement that the council will do what a council is meant to do in the first place, and make it sound like an innovative masterstroke of a caring mayor.

But Don’t Scoff, Old Bird

And it appears it has weaved its magic on business leaders, who have made similar pledges in support of the mayor’s push for forward thinking strategies.

Ferry boss Paul Victory says he was inspired. ‘I intend to follow the Mayor Mullet’s uplifting example, and have instructed all my staff to accept passengers for ferry trips and for all crews to follow the roster of services between here and Magnetic Island, and Palm Island. This will demonstrate that like the mayor, we mean business.’

The manager of the Townsville Airport, Kevin ‘Rhymes With’ Gill, was similarly impressed. ‘ I have checked with my Gold Coast bosses, who have had nothing but praise for the mayor’s breakthrough tactic, so I am allowed to proudly announce that we will continue to encourage passengers to board and disembark from flights, and we will exhort pilots to land and take-off as per airline schedules and in an orderly manner (wheels down, bubble up, as they say.) We believe this show of good faith will eventually see the Townsville community come to favourably regard our reasonable request to finance an improved asset for our company for which they will be poorer but prouder.’

Townsville Enterprise sock-puppet CEO ‘Little Patty’ O’Callaghan was uncharacteristically gushing in her support and example set by the mayor. ‘This, like all the other matters I comment on, is a great idea by my deputy chairman of the TEL board, of which I heartily approve. And of course, I will in due time, follow Mayor Mullet’s example and suitably instruct my staff what to do, once I find out what it is that they actually do do.’

Former mayor His Radiance Tony Mooney, now wrestling with the lucrative but demanding job of chairman of the Townsville Hospital Board, had nothing but accolades for his old bosom Labor buddy Mayor Mullet. ‘Who else could’ve thought that up? It is typical of her leadership, and the calibre of grasp she has on the job,’ he told The Magpie, and denied he was being ambiguous. ‘And to show that we will not be out-done by one of the best mayor’s we’ve had in the past three years, I declare that this hospital will continue to treat ill people and accident victims, operate on them when necessary and empty their bedpans.’ And Mr Mooney pledged to ensure a sharing and caring work environment, promising his own unique counselling experience. ‘I have advised staff that if I catch any of staff bullying someone, it will be out to the back car park where I will personally beat the living tripe out of them.’

Others have rushed to get on the bandwagon. Townsville Turf Club CEO Cassandra Cazzulino said she was excited by the initiative, and promised that the club will run meetings that feature horses. But she insisted she would release the finishing order of any fixture only AFTER the race has been run.

When contacted for comment all three state MPs and the federal MP were uniform in their response. ‘Let me get back to you on that,’ they all sad,

They haven’t.

For Mayor Mullet, Life’s A Bitch And A Bit Of A Mongrel

A liberal offer ... Mayor Mullet stuns us.

Mayor Mullet noticing a counincillor voting ‘no”.

As a measure of the deep horror being experienced by Mayor Mullet as she realises the depths of the Adani airstrip ‘error’, it seems she is seeking an image makeover, showing her caring, sharing side, which her humble nature has hitherto kept well hidden.

So during the week, she’s gone to the dogs. This popped up on social media, as reported in comments at the time.

The Magpie 

November 14, 2017 at 9:45 pm  (Edit)

Screen shot 2017-11-14 at 9.31.22 PM

‘Gunna hafta teach this gal about grooming.’

There are bomb sniffer dogs, drug sniffer dogs, even earthquake victim sniffer dogs, but a first for Townsville – a plot sniffer dog.

Mayor Mullet has just purchased … with ratepayers money, of course …. a plot sniffer dog. Try as she might, she cannot find her lost plot and hopes that Gautam – that’s what she’s named the puzzled pooch – will locate it. Don’t be surprised if it turns up in Dolan Hayes briefcase. It includes strategies like ‘ get a photo with a lost dog …. people love it and it makes you look human … sort of.’

Check the link here (if it hasn’t been removed because they realise what a comic shit storm it has sparked) for the hilarious comments. And proof of the Magpie’s deduction of a softening strategy, a couple of days later, we got this – complete again with more hilarious comments from the unfooled.

Jenny Hill and dog

Now, call The ‘Pie a cynic (what!!? Heaven forfend) but he’s willing to bet that a Mullet whisperer got her to find a mutt she figured she and her family would like, then spun the above hokum about finding a stray. SO BE READY for an Astonisher double page photo spread of the mayor gambolling along the beach with Guatam, sitting on top of Castle Hill together at sunset, explaining why there no water coming out as Gautam sniffs a back yard sprinkler, and cuddling together on the lounge watching Monster Truck Racing In Las Vegas.

The Basic Blitz campaign and the saga of Gautum The Dog are clear indications that her minders – whom she usually ignores – have convinced her that her image needs ‘softening’, to counter the clear softening between her ears.

Only the the electoral walking dead would fall for this.  Which means she’ll probably be re-elected.

That’s Gunna Be One Hell Of A Tide When It Comes In

We’re all used to with the imaginative use of euphemisms used by real estate agents around the country (‘harbour glimpses’ is a Sydney favourite – and, ‘a renovator’s dream’, inevitably turns out to be an over-priced ill-kempt dump requiring complete demolition).

But extending desirability has its limits … and in the case of the featured swanky Bushland Beach pile in Bulletin real estate, that limit is well passed an acceptable 200 metres. Apparently, ‘seaside’ now means about 5kms. Otherwise, The ‘Pie really wants to be there when the tide comes in.

seaside 2

A Sighting!!!

Just when we all thought that Townsville’s Lucky Starr, David Moyle, the man who’s been everywhere, had gone the way of the Tasmanian Tiger and retreated deep into the political woods, there’s been a sighting!!!

Sporting a Labor T-shirt, old mate was spotted this week handing out ALP leaflets outside a pre-polling booth. Our favourite party animal … he’s been in just about every political party in search of a ticket aboard the gravy train … has returned to the Labor fold. His last venture with the chardonnay socialists ended in tears, when he suddenly discovered he was well short of the three years required to become a candidate. By all accounts, two years and nine months short.

So we can expect to see of his Messiah-like pics around the place sometime in the future?

David Moyle

Other Bits And Pieces

While The Trough Snufflers get all moist and eloquent on SSM, other debates continue nevertheless. Seems having a name in common doesn’t make for political bedfellows … and in the skirmish between Young(ish) Hanson and Not So Young(ish) Hanson, Big Red wins this one.

Hanson young and Hanson not so young

And a typo for the ages in the rare area of real books … it is known that Beethoven was a man who achieved greatness despite multiple medical challenges, but a Magpie reader was amazed at the maestros never-say-die attitude.


And The Pie was rather taken with this sign for glitzy watches in the window of a Castletown geegaw shop, which would tend to suggest that the watches were somewhat lacking in the essential element – telling the time.

Screen shot 2017-11-18 at 10.43.07 PM………….

That’s yer lot for this week, but should be plenty there to rev up the entertaining commentary section which runs 24/7, jump in for the fun with your say. And look you lot, anyone who doesn’t make a small donation to help keep the blog afloat, well, you’re a bloody pansy, orright.? How to donate button is below, and is recommended to all of any persuasion, especially the foolishly generous.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.


  1. Mike Douglas says:

    Is it true Mayor Mullet had to tie a chop around her neck so the dog would come to her?. It seems as our Mayor thinks she is an expert in retail, pipe manufacturing, finance, negotiating and all other matters and instead of taking advice from people who actually know the industries( including Brad Webb) she goes from one stuff up to another and has a Council team including P.R, trying to put “ lipstick on. Pig” re her decisions.Even her Councillors get no input and get mislead on decisions they need to vote on.The City will turn around even with our bumbling Mayor but of course, all the ideas were hers.

  2. News Views says:

    I see ratepayer money is being used to promote Mayor Mullet on Facebook as a “hero” for finding a stray dog! That picture of the mayor in her car with the lost pooch appeared in my Facebook feed as I “like” and follow Townsville City Council. But this post is a paid post – basically advertising – scroll through your feed, find the post and click on the three dots on the top right hand side of the post. It gives you an option to “Hide Advert” – that means TCC has paid for the post to appear in the news feeds of all its followers – basically paid advertising of a feel good story to promote the mayor – Not Happy Jan!

  3. Alacan says:

    Again in Qld we are presented with disingenuous leaders of parties and feather weight options for what should be a heavy weight application brought to the management of our state.

    I wounder if our local contenders have even an inkling of our industry profile and how the economy in qld is driven.

  4. Cantankerous but happy says:

    Be prepared for the water pipeline to be a complete fuckup like anything the hopeless pack of dickheads running this town currently do. As soon as the word “local” gets a run, which really means “ me and my mates” you know the project is doomed, it will be way over budget, sub standard and fail in its performance. I have been involved in quite a few projects over the years where the local component in Townsville has failed to deliver due to a range of factors with the biggest one being cashflow, most of them just simply don’t have the cash or access to appropriate funding to complete the job, and this latest brain fart about companies working together to create a capacity which currently doesn’t exist, absolute disaster in the making.

  5. SPQR says:

    G’day you old pansy,
    Frankly I don’t give a bugger about SSM & in that regard I am happy to be amongst the 20% who couldn’t get excited enough to respond to the bloody survey. However I find it a bit rich for all & sundry to be claiming that the YES vote was overwhelming; a resounding victory. The fact is that, according to the ABS, of those eligible to vote only 49% voted YES. 61.6% of 79.5% is 48.9%. It is a bit of a stretch to characterise such a result as an overwhelming mandate to amend an existing law.

  6. The old peterbuilt says:

    Just been told there is a rumour coming out of the lendlease camp that Elliot springs isn’t selling as predicted and when they finish the highway/intersection component the project maybe mothballed until the local economy picks up. I said that wouldn’t be true because the astonisher told us the realestate in tsv was taking off, !

    • The Magpie says:

      The Astonisher misunderstood … its the residents that are taking off.

    • Dave Nth says:

      2 houses in my street valued the other week that I know of, 1 a 4 BR double garage is off $80K from the selling price when built, the other 3BR single garage $70K off buying price at new. There is no need for more subdivisions at the moment & there hasn’t been for a while but the Council keeps approving them…

      Townsville population 2011-2016 went backwards 5000 (Census). The figure would be much sharper I am told if not for the flow of people coming out of regional towns to our west in search of work that isn’t here. So they will move on before long probably down south, then what after all these central west & north western towns have only the retired left. Stadiums, solar plants & battery plants (If it ever happens…) aren’t going to fill the industry vacuum…

  7. Scientician79 says:

    I’d like to know how much the advertising for the “Basic Blitz” campaign is costing, I saw a council truck this morning with a special “Basic Blitz” sign on the side.

    And isn’t it interesting that the a lot of the noise after the airport announcement was everyone complaining that water security and council basics should be a priority.

    And now what do we have, lots of meaningless announcements about the pipeline, apparently work started by having an information session for contractors, and now the basics blitz.

    They really must think we are idiots, it’s called doing your job Mayor Mullet.

    • RollMyEyes says:

      I saw a basic blitz ute this morning as well. All painted up and driving around not doing much. Then driving past the depot in Garbutt I saw a worker in an orange shirt with a blower tidying the footpath outside the depot. The basic blitz must be to clean up the stench around the depot. There is no water to hose it down. And why on Sunday? If it was a weekday they might have been able to clean up twice as much.

      • I'll be plucked says:

        Hey there Mayor Mullett, if you or one of your cronies is reading this (they can pass the message on) you are a FRAUD, a BULLY who has tied the tongues of all other elected members of your ‘team’, tell LIES on a regular basis to the good folks of Townsville and seem to be HELL bent on SELF preservation – my question is WHY??? What have the good folks of our city done to deserve this destructive behaviour from you on a daily basis?

  8. Sandgroper says:

    As predicted, it looks like all links to the “stray dog” story have been taken down in the wake of a torrent of cutting and hilarious comments.
    Wonder if the mayor will now trade in her SS sedan for a Maloo ute to provide appropriate transport for the pooch?

    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      Good idea Gropes, and if you look at the photo in the car closely she is smiling and the dog looks most uncomfortable, I reckon the Mullet might have cut one, and she didn’t even roll down the window, the dog would love a Ute.

  9. Achilles says:

    Now the (fairy) dust is settling for the LGBTWFMe mob we can see who is running the show, as per: “The hand that wanks the Captain, steers the ship”.

    Swain is old English for lover [of] so where does that leave Cox-swain??? on some rowing boats they have Cox-less 4’s, hell of a sacrifice just to yank on an oar, or maybe its a female only crew, now out of the closet?

  10. Colin Foley says:

    I ticked “NO” in The Survey (it wasn’t a “vote”) not because I am homophobic but because I hate the “YES” cheer squad and camp-followers (no pun required).
    Political correctness is thought-control, pure and simple.
    Being able to be offended by whatever one chooses to be is state-backed oppression of anyone you wish to disagree with.

    On today’s “The Outsiders” on Fox TV Rohan Dean made a very sensible suggestion and a challenge to the Federal Liberal party legislators. Scrap “18C” by making that the trade-off in negotiating the SSM Bill.
    A BLOODY GREAT IDEA, ROHAN! Can we make it happen?

    • Achilles says:

      Best time to protect free speech is while we still have it, one of the very few words of wisdom to come out of C&A was, “free speech is a right for EVERYONE”: tell those self appointed consciences of the people to simply fuck off. that should have them at the “trick-cyclists” in no time wringing their lace hankies.

    • Swinger says:

      But Colin, the SSM survey question wasn’t about any of that stuff.

      I suspect that you voted NO because you are homophobic, or else just don’t like change. Perhaps you made that stuff up in your mind to rationalise it.

  11. A voter says:

    I voted yesterday – as Scott Stewart handed me his how to vote card he whispered ‘I got water for Townsville’ You did NOTHING for Townsville Scott – absolutely nothing.

    • The Magpie says:

      Ummm, where is it, then?

    • Old tradesman says:

      A Voter, Scott Stewart and Labor are congenital Liars, his poster says $225m for water pipes, $10m is missing it is now $215m, $10m has gone into the Mullets coffers. The next question is the small capacity Stadium, he claims $250m but has only put in $140m, The Cowboys have paid their rent for the next 10 years and the Feds have put in the rest. Makes you wonder.

  12. J jones says:

    Madame editor off to a sluggish start

  13. The Magpie says:

    Oh, you guys!!!

    Look up there, is it a plane , is it a bird … yes, it’s a dicky bird.

    A US fighter pilot crew has been suspended after they decided it would be a wonderful wheeze to use their vapour trail to to indulge in some original sky art over Washington state (not DC). Unfortunately for them, the brass said balls to that and have grounded the pilot and crewman.

    The world awaits Donald Trump’s tweet on the matter.

  14. The Magpie says:

    FYI ,,, which sort of explains how morons make it into parliament. But the information is accurate.

    • Mike Shearer says:

      Thanks. What complicated maths would have been involved for Gichuhi to become a Senator with only 152 first preference votes, and Anning with only 19 votes? How many times were preferences distributed, because, there could not surely have been so few votes re-distributed for such low numbers to make any difference. Just makes me wonder what sort of a “democracy” we’ve managed to evolve, And how can the system be manipulated to ensure that candidates who are too intelligent to want to be dictated to by a Party become Hon Members. If, say, you Magpie and 11 of the more intelligent of your bloggers (I’m confident at least 11 could be found) were to all stand as independents, could preferences be allocated to ensure at least one of you got in?

      • The Magpie says:

        Mike, you old preference whisperer, you.

      • Mike Shearer says:

        Just knocked up a spreadsheet to see if it could work… Assume 100 voters. At the first count the ALP got 30 votes, the LNP 30, the Greens 9 and ON 6, and the Magpie and 4 Magpie stalwarts each got 5 votes. One of them is knocked out and the votes are distributed evenly to the other 4 stalwarts, with the Magpie getting any left over votes. ON gets knocked out after the first distribution, and the Greens after the 4th. On the 6th distribution the Magpie has 40 votes and takes the seat.
        One assumption is that neither the Greens nor One Nation candidates preference Labor or LNP, nor each other, so all preferences go to the independents.

  15. Linda Ashton says:

    Wish your blog had the option for jpgs to be added by commenters. Email to you?

  16. Footy Fan says:

    Casie Scott was so impressive at the crime forum – labor didn’t even front up to listen to their community. Says it all really. When crime is the greatest concern to people in this town – our elected reps are nowhere to be found.

  17. Stanley says:

    And the unions as usual were at pre-poll – dropping off their posters – great work if you can get it. Saturday – overtime – nice pay packet. They clock on and clock off – glad I don’t pay union dues – what a waste of your hard earned.

  18. The Magpie says:

    Interesting to note that after a bit of a tally of advertising in today’s paper, the headless chook panic continues. Approx 2 1/2 pages of actual paid advertising and 7 1/3 pages of News Corp affiliate advertising. Presumably unpaid and only a book entry.

    • Sandgroper says:

      Does the paid advertising content include classifieds? The rates there are humungous — almost on a par with the big city newspapers.

    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      It’s the News Corp way Pie, they do it now with Foxtel as well to get around the original legislation that dictated how much revenue they can get from subscriptions v advertising, it is technically not advertising if it’s promotion of another show/ service that they provide. They do this with the football contracts, for example pay $500 million for the exclusive rights with includes say $50 million contra in promotion of that sport, so they effectively pick up $50 million and just run ads promoting that sport and how it can be seen on Foxtel footy etc, it’s a fucking con and typical of pissweek Australian governments who never take them to task on it. I am however enjoying watching Rupert whinge about predatory behaviour as the likes of Google and Facebooks kick the shit out if him, what goes round I guess.

  19. Concerned citizen says:

    Bit of angst at the pre-polling booth last week when a voter, confronted by Scott Stewart with a how to vote card, gave him both barrels.
    Hope all this honest feedback is hitting home.
    Don’t always agree with Mike Shearer but love his suggestion that we find Magpie bloggers to stand as independents.
    Given the variety of views expressed here there is no way they could be called a “team”, like the current council crew who are there just to make up the numbers.
    Perhaps we should be working on a plan now to find candidates for the next council election.
    Strewth, imagine if they all got elected and the Mullet and her puppets were wiped out.
    Just the suggestion of a group of Magpie independents would send shudders through TEL, The Astonisher, Lancini, Ferry, Kevin Dill etc etc.

  20. Miss Lou says:

    Dear Pie

    Always good,
    Always entertaining.

    Yours Faithfully,

    Miss Lou.

  21. Hee-Haw says:

    Mullet and Alphabet at the breaking ground for commencement of works on the pipeline??
    Has this been out to Tender?
    Where was this start?
    Who is building it?

    Or was this just an expensive media call?

    • Alahazbin says:

      Don’t know about “breaking ground”. More like breaking wind!

    • Non Aligned Worker says:

      Last weeks Pipeline information meeting run by the TCC (Wed. 15th November) confirmed that design for the pipeline will not be complete until July 2018. Breaking ground or breaking wind?
      TCC spruke for a 2019 completion date but Anna’s funding is for 4 years (2021 completion!!!)
      How confusement.

  22. The Magpie says:

    Another Astonisher judgement call, or just plain ignorance?

    A week ago, a concerned citizen wrote a very polite and informed letter to the editor of the Townsville Bulletin. The paper, without explanation, has declined to run it. Not unique, certainly, but the writer was one John Baulch. Perhaps the name wasn’t familiar to whichever office boy is in charge of letters these days (maybe they run them through Mumbai) , despite the fact that his name has appeared dozens of times the paper’s pages. Clue: Try District Court Judge John Baulch QC, (recently retired) one of the pre-eminent jurists in this community. His views surely desrve an airing in the on-going Adani airstrip debate.

    But his well reasoned opinion and questions were deemed by the Townsville Bulletin to not be worthy of inclusion, presumably because it would put their honorary associate editor, mayor Mullet, in a difficult position.

    Here is the letter.

    To The Editor,

    I begin by saying that I support coal mining. It is in the interest of our whole nation that our resources are used to the benefit of all.

    Having said that, I enquire whether anyone shares my view that local government goes beyond its power when it becomes involved in airport construction outside it’s own area which can only, at best, benefit a few in our community.

    The Local Government Act specifies what a council may do. A quick reading would cause thinking people to question whether it lawful for a council to spend ratepayers funds on the construction and/or funding of an airport in another council’s local government area. Did our council take legal advice on this topic?

    Even if one takes the view that it is somehow lawful to do this, would not a prudent council take legal and/or financial advice as to how the proposed investment of ratepayers funds will be protected, secured and/or recovered?

    Did the TCC take such advice?

    Aren’t ratepayers entitled to have answers to these and similar questions?

    I think ratepayers should know whether advice was taken and be aware of the content of that advice, particularly in view of the amount of money involved.

    John Baulch

    NB Judge Baulch did not take it upon himself to give his title and honorifics. Why should he, it was a self-explanatory letter?

    • Old Hack says:

      That should send a shiver up the spines (if they have them) of the councillors who voted for this decision.
      If the new editor has taken the chair, it might be prudent for her to publish the letter and direct the retired judge’s sensible and legitimate questions to the mayor and CEO. It would go a long way towards establishing her credentials.

      • The Magpie says:

        Err, mate, it is a question of establishing credentials with WHOM … she does exactly that if she consciously DID NOT publish Judge Baulch’s letter.

        • Old Hack says:

          Let’s give her the benefit of doubt and assume she hasn’t seen the letter. Hopefully, she has been tipped-off about this blog by the few Bully journos who still care and has the sense to monitor it regularly.

          • The Magpie says:

            The ‘Pie doesn’t wish to get above himself, but either Holt Street or even Typo (who started the whole defamation ball rolling for News) have probably tipped of Ms Cairney anyway – in the most flattering terms, one would imagine.

    • Redhead says:

      So, who is pursuing these very real legal and ethical questions? We know it’s not the Bulletin? Is it the ABC? The Ratepayers Assoc? Any single ratepayer? Anyone?

  23. Dave Nth says:

    Could be interesting times ahead for those in Walker st breathlessly waiting for rain. Spotted in a Tropical Weather blog the other night some models backing off a wet season for the NQ coast to the point of going in the other direction. Even the weather nuts were commenting on the unusual situation of a Neutral/mild La Nina & a “dry” wet season. Hope they are wrong and what I saw most were hoping it was an anomaly…

  24. Charlie Wulguru. says:

    Dave, We don’t need a wet season. The Greek was right. We don’t have a water crisis in Townsville. If you don’t believe me, just take a drive out to the all new, you beaut. ‘BIRD BRAIN WALKER’S LEGACY PARK’ in Edison Street, Wulguru. Forty sprinklers running flat-out day and night. We can’t possibly have a water shortage. My apology to the beautiful, intelligent birds.

  25. Mike Douglas says:

    It appears Premier Palaszczuk and the Mullet are practising a ventriloquist act for life after Politics as when a journalist asked the Premier about funding for stage 2 of the water pipeline Mayor Mullet responded.The electoral commission may have to do an enquiry into the number of labor candidates running in the Townsville election because adding the Mullet and the Impaler( personal leave to assist) Labor has 5.

  26. The Magpie says:

    Our cowboy mayor is firing from the lip again … and again raising serious questions (which she won’t answer) about her ability to reason logically.

    She has again strutted on to the national stage – in this case, the Fin Review – with a statement that begs the question yet again ‘If she believes Adani can build a billion dollar rail line without taxpayer money, why do they need our ratepayer $18.5billion to built an airstrip?’

    • Dave Nth says:

      “Labor aligned Mayor.”

      So she’s finally dropped this faux-independence tag she’s been running with for the last 5 years? Or the FR just stating the bleeding obvious.

    • Old Hack says:

      That train wreck of an interview adds weight to the necessity for answers to John Baulch’s comments and questions.

    • Interested Observer says:

      At that ridiculous press conference supposedly about a sod turning for the new pipeline there was a string of television journalists on hand who could have asked that very question about what is the difference between ratepayers money and taxpayers money when providing hand outs for Adani.

      Not one of them put either the mayor or the premier on the spot about this issue. How can the Mullet say Adani must be held to account and pay their way when she is coughing up 18.5 million for an airport.

      Those poor excuses for journalists had her on the spot along with the premier and said nothing. We all know the Astonisher’s circulation is crashing. So to are the viewing audiences for these piss poor local news bulletins on TV.

      Like the Astonisher they are shooting themselves in the foot because no one takes them seriously any more. How on earth do we as a community get honest, properly investigated news. TV jurnos grow some balls and do your job. The newspaper just won’t.

  27. Achilles says:

    If the churches want to influence Government legislation, then tell ‘em to pay taxes like ALL of us.

    WTF Talkbull says no need to front up for work next week, will they still get their salary”

  28. The Magpie says:

    And still they wonder ….

    Time: 6.08pm Tuesday. Have just watched local TV news which tells us the baby shaker killer got nine years jail for the manslaughter of his baby son. It happened in court more than six hours ago.

    At this moment, this is still up on the Townsville Bulletin website.

    Couldn’t make it a lazier or dowdier look for a reputed news outfit. And they wonder why no one wants to subscribe … even if they put it up on their subscribers website, potential new readers would be scoffing at the public profile of a paper so far behind the times.

    And still they wonder ….

  29. The old peterbuilt says:

    On a federal note I’ve just been told that Nick Xenophon resigned the senate to run for SA state elections and as soon as he did he signed on as an advisor to his replacement. Nice little money spinner until the state election comes around and a plan B If it turns to shit. Forget about all the proclamations of self righteousness. If this report is accurate he will just be another pig with his snout in the trough.

    • The Magpie says:

      Wouldn’t get too alarmed,, me old chip scavenger … the Adani people are PROVEN liars and try to use corporate bullying as a strategy to cow us into accepting their absolute bullshit agenda.

  30. Kenny Kennett says:

    From the online Astonisher:
    Comments from little Patsy:
    “When the Greens representative talked about how this was a win for their party, my heart broke for the thousands of people who registered for those jobs with Adani,” she said.
    (Thousands of people????? Where? When?)

    KAP’s Robber Katter, One Nation’s Steve Dickson and Opposition Leader Tim Nicholls are discussing major issues affecting the Townsville region as a prelude to the Queensland election on Saturday.
    (From the stolen generation of politicians- “Robber Katter”??

  31. The Magpie says:

    Time: 10.35 Wednesday. This from the Bulletin website one minute ago

    Hey folks, should’ve watched the TV news last night, he got 9 years. Let’s see if you can leave it up until 12.30 … that’ll make it a neat 24 hours behind the times.

  32. The Magpie says:

    The Award for the decades Best Unconscious Humour goes to the Bulletin iditor who wrote this opening line of today’s homily for the masses … not realising it applies to about 90% of the daily fare in the Astonisher (the crosswords and sudoku in the 10%).

    • The Wulguru Wonder says:

      And from Boofhead ‘Bolt-Light’ Tomlinson’s column today:

      “Publicity. Stunts. Propaganda.
      It’s a brilliant strategy and it’s working a treat in the resource- starved newsrooms…..”

      Is this the new editor’s editorial policy for the Astonisher?

      • The Magpie says:

        Mr Tomlinson is clearly an intellectual Wiley Coyote, dropping anvils on his own head as he targets his nemesis … which accounts for some of his reasoning.

      • Jaded Journo says:

        Talk about pot-calling! Tomlinson’s ‘holier than thou’ dig at regional TV newsrooms for using handout material because of staff shortages represents the height of hypocrisy.
        He has a hide thicker than a rhino and an intellect to match.

  33. Kenny Kennett says:

    I hope the Mullet and Little Patsy were watching Sunrise on Seven yesterday. At an OB from the Strand when Sam the Weatherman asked St Pat’s students to describe Townsville and tell viewers why they should come, three said ‘Brownsville’ and another said that ‘Townsville is so ugly that even the rain won’t visit it’.
    No water crisis eh Mullet?

  34. Achilles says:

    Dear Mr Got’em,
    I was delighted to see in today’s News that your Chinese comrades are willing to finance your mine, so can we please have our $18.5 million back
    Many thanks

    • Achilles says:

      More smoke and mirrors than even Houdini could conjure up. Off again, on again, more often than a hookers pants on a good night.

      Adani still seeking taxpayer funded loan

      Adani denies it has abandoned plans to seek a taxpayer-funded loan for a rail link associated with its Queensland coal mine, piling political pressure on the LNP.

      An ABC report has cited an unnamed Adani Mining director as saying the company is close to securing a deal with Chinese enterprises and export credit agencies to fund both the mine and the rail link.

      The director reportedly said Adani now wouldn’t need a loan of up to $1 billion from the federal Northern Australian Infrastructure Facility (NAIF) for the rail line.

  35. Linda Ashton says:


    Please join and add your voice. There are still too many unanswered questions.

    Please NB WFTAG supports the Water Taskforce recommendations for a second pipeline but a different route and not staged. We do NOT support construction of HG Dam at this time for various reasons.

    At the Industry forum (wed 15th November) council advised that EOI-tenders for the new 36.5 km pipeline would be accepted in the very near future. This indicates that the narrower TCC pipeline design to increase to the 1800 mm OD (recommendation by Water Taskforce -Brad Webb) has been completed. At the forum council advised that this diameter concrete-lined steel pipeline could not be made in TSV. Consortia arrangements were suggested for local industry. The two likely sources were Melbourne or China. Freight costs could go as high as $18 million.

    1. Has the design for the second pipeline been completed?
    2. When will EOI-tenders be available?
    3. Was the publicised ‘sod turning’ an official construction start date for the 26 month completion guaranteed by council?
    4. In the photo shoot this week with ALP candidates and the Mayor in the the actual location where the second pipeline will be installed?
    5. Is the digger in the background owned by the successful tenderer?
    6. Is the photo shoot on a designated work site with WHS compliance?

    • Non Aligned Worker says:

      The same meeting said that EOI’s will be out in January 2018.
      Major Suppliers appointed by April.
      Design complete by July.
      Civil works to start in October.
      Concrete lined steel pipe not necessarily the spec of choice, alternates will be looked at and evaluated on their merits.
      1800 diameter has been adopted.

    • Mike Douglas says:

      Linda, $18 mil freight would cover infrastructure costs to set up local manufacture and based on discussions employ 20 + full time people.With other potential projects and Townsville 9.1% unemployment surely the objective is to manufacture locally which fits in with the sustainable industries objectives.

    • Dearie Me says:

      Rumor within the ranks of the mere mortals who work for council is that the man in charge of the project for the pipeline has upped stumps, bailed, moved on, thrown in the towel, resigned.
      And no, the tender documents have not yet been issued. Minor issue I believe…after all.. we have an excellent photo of some asses.

      • Non Aligned Worker says:

        Do tell.
        Which one?
        SM, MC or RK????

        • Dearie Me says:


          If by SM you mean the bumbling idiot in charge of Townsville Water and Waste then unfortunately no. We should all pray for his hasty departure before there’s a significant disaster.

          • Cantankerous but happy says:

            Yes, when he first got the job I contacted some long term managers at Sydney Water to get the rundown on him, their first response was “who, never heard of him” , another in the long list of first class duds who have found the best pay packet in their lives in Townsville.

  36. The Lone Ranger says:

    Was talking to a Hong Kong legal eagle today who said that even if contracts are signed don’t count on the Chinese funding anything until the money actually is in the bank. He specializes in such deals and says more than 70% fall through. So good luck Jenny and Got ‘Em. You are going to need plenty of it.

  37. Dave of Kelso says:

    My wife’s forbears were transported to Port Arthur in chains. Two brothers for burglary and aggravated assault or similar. They were British citizens I assume. (Went on to form a successful building company that eventually had over the generations had many links to Townsville and Nth Qld.) Does that make my wife and children poms by heritage?

  38. Momentus says:

    Caught up with Tuesday’s Astonisher reporting that they have broken ground at Toonpan and photos of guess who, with that excavator puddling along in the mud and water. Is that the water being delivered onto the ground from that old pipe we pay the big dollars for? Well it looks like it and they best start straightening up the trench as 3m pipe lengths will have to be laid with a bend although a bonus will be it will allow pipes to be made in Townsville.
    Only a few weeks ago and before pumping started there was an outcry of concerned residents who had realised for many years the lack of attention of the water trickling over bare ground at Toonpan from that pipe end. Under the bridge, into the creek, through grass, reeds, mud and without any directional channel.
    Oh yes, it was advised to be the best method to filter the flow without loss of evaporation from all that pumped water flowing freely onto the ground and out into the dam catchment area. Experts at work here, nothing to see, just follow the lead, do nothing as our water supply to the city for all those years.
    Now election time any photo, even breaking ground is good for that mob.
    Had the pair been up at Hells Gate showing everyone the new dam location and the plan for long-term water solution for North Queensland including Agriculture that would be something to celebrate.
    It may even receive a few big cheers. Hip Hip Hooray.

  39. Cantankerous but happy says:

    Interesting to see that Cairns Mayor Bob Manning has cut ratepayers annual $300k sponsorship of Adavance Cairns, he has cut funding because he believes Advance Cairns shouldn’t promote a view that is different or oppose that of the Cairns councils, that would clearly indicate Bob Manning expects Cairns council being the largest contributor can simply ride roughshod over all the other members and demand an outcome and avoid criticism, imagine what the Mullet must expect from Townsville ratepayers $800k to the Dudley’s.

    • The Magpie says:

      Which begs the point – what is the raison d’etre for organisations like Advanvce and TEL if they simply must do the council’s bidding, which may be at odds with their members wishes. Hmmm, come to think of it, maybe that’s why the Dudley Do Nothings do nothing … well, nothing substantive, anyway.

    • Sceptical Sally says:

      It’s a lot of dough to pay for what appears to have become the council’s squad of cheerleaders. All that’s needed to complete the picture are pompoms.

  40. Hee - Haw says:

    Have a look here at TEL Events Calendar

    November 17 Leaders Debate
    December 17 Xmas Drinkies
    Jan 18 NOTHING
    Feb 18 NOTHING
    Mar 18 NOTHING
    Apr 18 NOTHING
    May 18 NOTHING

    Should I go on? because there is NOTHING

  41. The Wulguru Wonder says:

    The Mullet appears to have gone from “no water crisis” to supersizing everything.

    This from TCC media release of 17 November:

    “The $215 million oversized pipeline to guarantee Townsville’s future water security is on track to be delivered within 26 months.”

    What the hell is is an ‘oversized pipeline’? The only thing oversized  at the moment is the complete  BS and spin coming from TCC. You can tell Simpo has arrived!

  42. Sir Ossis O'Fliver says:

    Have just watched the News story about the bloke who drowned his neighbors dog for killing his prize pet chook.
    Apparently convicted and sentenced to 6 months chokey, although immediately suspended.
    Next comment was RSPCA saying chook owner had displayed no remorse and dog would have suffered terribly.
    Chook owner (not interviewed in person) reportedly said he was most upset and reacted instinctively to the attack on his beloved chook.
    The world has gone PC effing mad!!
    Deep Breath, Whoooo Saaaah.

    • Oldtimer says:

      It’s enough to enrage even a confirmed teetotaller. Pour another glass and calm down.
      Seriously, the RSPCA regularly oversteps its brief, particularly when urban bleeding-hearts lecture experienced farmers and graziers on how to do their jobs.

      • Oldtimer says:

        PS: It’s also a good illustration of the Orwellian Animal Farm observation that some animals are more equal than others.

  43. Mike Douglas says:

    Unlike Adele the Impailer who at least took personal leave has anyone heard from Townsvilles voice in Canberra our Federal member Cathy Otoole?.Would I be persumptious in suggesting somewhere in the background our Federal Member and her team are assisting our 3 labor members campaigns at tax payers expense?.

  44. Council Insider says:

    Early this week the premier and the mayor turned up out at Woodstock to what was claimed as a did turning of the sod for the start of the second water pipeline.

    The question was asked was this a genuine sod turning or not? I am afraid the premier and the mayor mislead the people of this city. Every year before the impending wet season contractors with excavators go around the city’s waterways and clean them out to ensure these waterways work efficiently if we get heavy rain. This is exactly what was happening when the contractor was told to stay on site and scratch around in the dirt so the premier and the mayor could pretend this was a sod turning.

    I can tell you council is still a long way away from starting on the pipeline. For someone who works for this organisation it’s embarrassing to see the mayor deliberately misleading the public. I couldn’t let this go by but for obvious reasons I can’t give you my name. I just wanted to let people know this whole excercise was a hoax.

    • Old Hack says:

      There’s an allegation worth testing. If true, it points to serious misconduct by all concerned and should cast doubt on any future media handouts by the council.
      Raggers, how about putting some questions to the mayor and contacting the digger’s owner?

  45. The Lone Ranger says:

    Time we started challenging the mayor at public events, especially on the 18.5 mill gifted to Adani and the lies she is telling to draw attention away from the issue.

  46. Hee - Haw says:

    Stunning reporting!!!

    Makes one wonder about the timing and the “mistake”

    More Townsville Bulletin Retweeted Robbie Katter MP
    Our apologies! Full voting guide for Hinchinbrook will be online shortly.Townsville Bulletin added,

    Robbie Katter MP
    Verified account

    The Townsville Bulletin has an error in the voting forms. The KAP is not a Green Candidate. Vote for the #1 Candidate in Hinchinbrook Nick Dametto!

    • The Wulguru Wonder says:

      Also see that according to the Astonisher Scott Stewart is running in both Townsville and Mundingburra…. perhaps he wants to double his chances of keeping on the gravy ttrain train…

      • I'll be plucked says:

        The only thing Stewart and his ALP plucker mates O’Rort and Harpic should run for is the hills, far, far away!

  47. Sandgroper says:

    Like keen observers of politics around the nation, I will join a group of fellow WA tragics tomorrow to follow the Queensland election.
    From my viewpoint, there’s only one upside if Labor is returned: I’ll soon be able to buy a luxe apartment in Townsville or on Magnetic Island at a knockdown price.

  48. Non Aligned Worker says:

    Bulletin reporting on candidates and electorates….and parties they represent = clusterfuck
    Pretty much hitting all of their KPI’s.

  49. Charlie Wulguru. says:

    Does anyone know if the Sarah Kendall, ‘wife’ of Lavarack’s Maj-Gen Chris Field, in today’s paper, is the same Sarah Kendall who puts the ‘spin’ and bullshit in the reply emails from the mayor’s office.

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