Townsville Bonkarama!! It’s Got It All … Illicit Rumpy Pumpy, Fisticuffs, Legal Threats, Property Damage… The ‘Pie Goes All ‘Daily Mail’.

Christ, this town!!!

When old Sir Wally Scott waxed lyrical about ’Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive’, he didn’t know the half of it … because  back then, Townsville didn’t exist. Last week’s bit of tittle tattle about a prominent citizen who was chucked out of home be cause he used his cock as his compass was just the – err – tip of the iceberg. The Magpie won’t tell all, but certainly will tell some.

Jenna Cairney keeps pushing the fairytale that her fearless ‘campaigning’ journalists (oh, purleeese) will ask the tough questions to which we want answers. Well, dear, we have a few for you to ask … and a couple to answer yourself.

And damned if they do, and certainly damned if they don’t … an indigenous stirrer’s Catch 22 call for government accountability in the deaths of two young children.

Also, on the lighter side, if brevity is the soul of wit, there is a single picture that sums up Britain at this moment …  plus our regular Trump gallery.

But first …

We’re off and running, declared or not. The Federal pestilence of political populism has descended on we sheeple like the fabled wolf on the fold, and the only bright spot is that it will be a relatively short campaign. There will be plenty of pollies and commentators vying for The Magpie’s coveted Codswallop Cup, a field far too big to try to cover comprehensively, but so far, the leading contender is the Courier Mail, who gave us this post-Budget front page.

Subtle as a grenade in a bowl of porridge. Any News Corpse claim to be a neutral observer of the current political Haranguer Games is now officially dead in the water. The front page was so blatant that many Courier staff were on the point of revolt, as it reflected on their credibility. But it seems they realised that that particular stable door had been swinging in the wind for some time now, so they dropped plans for any futile reaction.

But there’ll be plenty more codswallop to be had in the coming weeks, so The ‘Pie will content himself with this illustrated observation.

And on overseas politics, the cleverest comment on the turmoil in British politics was the briefest.

(Bentley is on a couple of weeks leave, travelling the world to parts unknown.)

What A Wanker … Well, He Probably Is Now

Many in the health industry world are fond of saying just prior to injecting something into you that ‘Don’t worry, you’ll just feel a little prick.’ Boy, has that been an understatement in this town in recent times.

You may recall last week’s report that a bloke often referred to in the Astonisher as a ‘leading citizen’, had been turfed out of the home for getting one of his staff to feel a little prick after hours. That’s not entirely correct apparently.

Well, after that piece, The ’Pie’s email in-box went into near-meltdown. It seems our man is a serial pantsman, and it was open knowledge among the Nescafe Society of Townsville and particularly his blokey-jokey mates among the Gilded Few that he would – in the words of the late Mongrel the Barrister – ‘root a hole in a barber shop floor because it had hair around it.’ (That old Aussie saying was coined long before the Brazilian.)

The ‘Pie’s subsequent info is that our bloke dipped his wick once too often, and injudiciously to say the least, said respondent being married to a martial arts bod. This local Bruce Lee took a dim view of these goings on, and eloquently conveyed his point of view to said bloke using both hands and feet … the message was blunt enough to put our philanderer in hospital for a couple of days.

Finally enough was enough for the missus, and ordered him to leave the domestic hearth.

But wait, there’s more … those in the couple’s social circle started taking sides, not against him, but either for or against the wronged wife or the latest bonkee, who was apparently forgiven by her hubby after his cathartic work-out. Now, the fallout is perhaps not to be fully detailed here, but an outline involves crude stick-figure graffiti with names attached being posted in a prominent area frequented by all sides, email threats of legal action for defacing a workplace, and the implied threat to the graffiti artist’s employment, by having her charged by police for alleged ‘harassment’ if she didn’t cease and desist.

As the saying goes, all fun and games until someone loses an eye. The ‘Pie is aware that there is a very serious side to all this, nothing to do with moralising …there are the family’s children involved who have been affected and The ‘Pie knows from his own young experience that kids are the first casualties in this sort of thing So he has purposely kept this ‘tangled web’ as non-specific as possible. (And children DO NOT read this blog.)

But the matter has been broached because of the philanderer’s hypocrisy, since he has, apart from anything else, publicly held himself up … sometimes for business purposes … to be a church-going Christian family man.

What a tosswomble.

The Chooks Are Coming Home To Roost – The Bulletin Iditor Can’t Walk From This, Whistling And Polishing Her Halo. 

This is definitely a new policy, yet to be tested, so let’s just recap.

While myriad voices were raised, not with opposition but genuine and reasonable queries about building the stadium at all, not a single question was answered or the whole thing probed beyond glib and cursory off-hand lip service (and Townsville First doesn’t get out of this issue without some responsibility, with a dismal jellyback roll-over to the town’s power elite when they had the council majority … can’t blame Mayor Mullet for that, you folk).

But when the stadium became fact, even opponents like The ‘Pie himself, came to accept the fact that it was going to be built, and so supported all efforts to move on with construction. But not without airing realistic concerns, first mentioned here more than two years ago, about the Labor Government project being a battleground for Palaszczuk v Trad and subsequent union skullduggery.

Where were there tough-questioning journalists then, Jenna? – Even if you weren’t here yourself , your risible self-serving mewlings suggest that tough-questioning has been Bulletin policy all along – well, m’dear, that actually died when editor Mick Carroll left more than a decade ago. All you’ve done with the above story was first quote unions, and a day or more later, print the rebuttal.

And where have your questions and promised investigations on this brief story you churned out during the week.

And even as late as two weeks ago, where were the tough questions instead of the blatant and provable lies from that the Cowboys needed money for a training facility or go under as a club? Was it a lack of wit or a lack of will to ask the bleedin’ obvious – how would a money–draining extra Cowboys training facility save the club from financial disaster, even if such a fabrication were true? Where was the challenge and tough questioning as to what was a nonsensical, financially laughable argument? Certainly nowhere in the pages of your rag, m’dear, you just blithely printed the stuff fed to you by one of the town’s major string pullers. What a spineless reaction that was, instead of making the common sense call for any more money from the Feds be directed towards a money-making, job-creating, tourist-attracting, business-enhancing entertainment and convention centre. Which, but for selfish, vested interests, was the complete package we expected would have been fought for in the first place. History will not look kindly on The Bulletin’s performance, or that of the interests of the Gilded Few.

And the Chamber of Commerce should hang its head in shame, too, for its feeble, hopelessly naive and selfishness on this overall issue. Forever braying on about ‘only ever representing the interests of its members’ – one would imagine said interests include strong opinions and inquiries about the wisdom and veracity of decisions made affecting their members interests. Your silence for fear of offending a vindictive mayor prompts The ‘Pie to ask; how’s that working out for the interests of your members, eh? Hope your happy with a few new bus shelters and another eat/drink laneway, because that’s about all it seems your members are going to get out of the council’s busted-arse ‘vision’.

But back to the paper. The effect of this publication’s abrogation of traditional and democratic responsibility to challenge the disaster which is present-day Townsville cannot be over-stated. An example:  during the week,  we get the slap-in-the-face iditorial, which must win the brown-nose award of the year, when you cautiously venture “ Management of the airport wouldn’t take umbrage with us saying the last couple of years haven’t been the best.”

WTF would you care if the airport management took umbrage at what the paper had to say? PAPERS ARE THERE FOR SOME PARTIES TO TAKE UMBRAGE, THAT’S THE POINT OF – AS YOU SO FALSELY CLAIM YOU DO – ASKING THE TOUGH QUESTIONS READERS WANT ANSWERED.

But no, in your usual mimsy, tip-toeing style of an angry newt trying to gum its opponents into submission, you unwisely and damagingly (for Townsville) take on Qantas yet again with the totally incorrect statement: ‘But when it came to funding (the unilaterally declared airport upgrade) national carrier Qantas dug in its heels, leaving the redevelopment in limbo and souring the relationship with the airport.’  The airline didn’t ‘dig in its heels’, it simply told QAL to fuck off. Where were the tough simple questions from the paper about why the deal wasn’t settled with the airlines BEFORE the announcement? Why did you mute many questioners about the QAL attempt to line its own pockets with a tax on the Townsville travelling public? Not a dickey bird about that or the arrogance of QAL to think by announcing the over-blown upgrade, Qantas would be blackmailed into agreeing to a ticket tax.! No one wanted you to take sides, just report both sides of the story. Was it because you hubristically believed that the Bulletin is so powerful it would sway the airline by turning public opinion against the airline? Were you that mad, that incompetent, that out of touch with reality?

But the disgrace that you perpetrate, Jenna, exemplified by the above, is that of the Bulletin wanting to be a player under the guise of ‘a proudly campaigning paper’, rather than first and foremost being an observer and non-aligned reporter. The damage done by The Bulletin to the democratic governance of Townsville cannot be over-estimated, since you have little or no real interest in the future of this city.

The sad truth is the Townsville Bulletin’s performance has gone from empty boastfulness to exhibitionism, and is Townsville’s equivalent of one of those zoo chimps, probably driven made by the irrelevance of its existence, who furiously masturbate in front of its audience.

Heroin And Cocaine Are Bad Enough, But Math Heads Are The Worst

Something doesn’t add up with ad in an American newspaper.

Worthy of the Townsville Bulletin. But here’s something else that does add UP … somehow.

Quick Observation

Anyone noticed that the acronym AOBH – Assault Occasioning Bodily Harm … is also the acronym for the growing cries out in Townsville suburbs about our next council election … Any One But Hill?

Be-Diddly-Diddly-Dum-Boop-Oopy-Doo

Remember when vogueing was in vogue? The term originated when repressed black gays in New York invented a dance craze that consisted of a series of lightening quick moves striking the impossibly camp poses of fashion models in Vogue magazine. In 1990, Madonna’s song ‘Vogue’, (which to The ‘Pie looked suspiciously like a pisstake) helped make her a gay icon.

The term enjoyed some general social popularity a few years back until it fell by the wayside, but as is the way with Queensland, it seems the tradition is alive and well in this neck of the woods.

We are now all used to Little Patty O’Callaghan vogueing about the place for the Bulletin’s cameras, wittering on to her pals about the shoes and clothes she bought during ratepayer funded trips to Asia. But The ‘Pie was not prepared to see that our pollies are into it , too. The champion at this vogueing is the winsome Kate Jones, Innovation Minister for Queensland (how’s that gig going for you, Kate?)

That is as it may be, but closer to home, today we open up the Bulletin property section (chock-a-block this week thanks to the 66% price reduction) and our jaw dropped when we copped this.

One knee coyly hiding behind the other in a pigeon-toed Marilyn Monroe boop-oopy-doo tease, come hither hand on thigh and alluring (in theory) half turn of the torso. One immediately wonders just what exactly our Glenda was flogging.

Even our beloved mayor is a fan of the half-turn to camera to enhance an irresistible come hither smile, which could grace any New York or Milan catwalk..

And each and every one of the them just want to be loved by the masses. Indeed, their common theme song is ‘I Just Wanna Be Loved By You’, as Marilyn Monroe crooned in Some Like It Hot … here’s a clip to remind you, and it has some for everyone, including for aspiring drag queens.

Catch 22 of the Day

Blatant self-promoter Gracelyn Smallwood was having her little joke in the Astonisher today.

The paper quotes her thus:

Prof Smallwood said she was not defending (the drowned children’s mother) Eatts but flagged concerns around the role Department of Child Safety had to play in ensuring the welfare of Barak and Jhulio.

She demanded an investigation be held into how many times child safety officers had visited the Brett St, Cranbrook home to check on the brothers, particularly if there had been allegations of domestic violence in the home and if allegations of neglect had been flagged with the department.

Fair enough, Gracelyn and hope the term ‘fair’ doesn’t prompt one of your foaming rants about whitey devils and cultural imperialism and so on … and on … and on. The ‘Pie has heard enough of them from you in his time. (He particularly remembers the time in the Townsville District Court when a jury found an indigenous man guilty of raping an indigenous woman and you yelled from the public gallery ‘fucking white man’s justice’. Turns out this bit statesman-like commentary was because the accused man was one of your mob (we’re not allowed to use the word ‘tribe’ apparently). And the woman was not.

But your divisive background in this arena begs the question regarding your otherwise reasonable demand for an investigation. If child safety officers HAD made the appropriate visits and concluded that the children should be removed for their own safety … how many nano-seconds would it have taken you to start raising the roof about ‘another stolen generation’ and ‘bureaucrats snatching our kids’, white interventionist policies, and so on … and on … and on.

You also said in the paper today there was a ‘lot of anger and outrage on Facebook’ questioning the $25,000 donated by sympathetic people, and you rightly explained that the money was never for the family, but to repatriate the boys bodies back to Darwin. You said you chose that those donations should be channeled through the indigenous housing organization Yumba Meta, because ‘of their credibility in accounting’.   (Seems you have some sort descending scale of financial probity of other local indigenous organisations – very wise of you) So we can expect you will waste no time in making public the full documentation of what happened to the money. Be assured, since you are always demanding respect for the folks you claim to represent, you will gain great credibility if you do so … as any other organization would under similar circumstances. In fact, would be required do so by law.

But a bright spot in all this. In your call for calm, you say:’ “I’m asking people to just wait until the courts tell us further information in the next six weeks on the outcomes of all the evidence.” It is nice to see that you have come around to putting some trust in the Australian judicial system … it’s far perfect, but it is the one we ALL have to operate under.

The Week In Trumpistan

Setting the tone for this Era of the Maniac, , The ‘Pie loved this effort from the New Yorker.

  

The ‘Pie cannot bring himself to talk about the Angry Carrot’s claim this week that ‘wind causes cancer’ … some readers will take the old bird to task for being ‘obsessed’ with the single most dangerously deranged person in the planet, so he will say nothing.

A lot of focus has been on the Democrats, and their field of candidates bigger than a Melbourne Cup starting line-up.

And Finally, Why Does The Magpie Feel This Sums Up His Weekly Blog?

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That’s another week down the gurgler of life, don’t forget to send in abusive comments about The ‘Pie into the blog comments section, you can chuck your grenades 24/7. And if you have enjoyed this week’s load of old cattle plops, a donation to help the blog along will always be appreciated, the how to donate button is below (it’s really easy … truly.)