Also, what do Labor’s Thuringowa’s MP Aaron Harper and the Libs Federal goof-off Dumbo Jones have in common? Neither has apparently heard of Will Rogers famous dictum ‘never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut’.
Guess who’s back in town, a former high-flyer whose renewed presence may attract the interest of certain legal folk.
And is Penny Wong ‘on the turn’ as they say down at the Sovereign Hotel? What Mongrel the Barrister calls ‘Australia’s favorite rug-muncher’ has been caught sleeping with a bloke … and there is a photograph to prove it.
Booze Bosses Bluster
But first … a lot of hot air during the week from the owners of the Via Vomitorium boozeariums about the imminent change to late night trading laws … that is when the ludicrous lock-out system (silly bloody idea in the first place) moves back to 1am from 3am, and all the boozehounds have to reel back home by three.
It is a rare occasion when The ‘Pie finds himself disagreeing with the considered opinions of copper turned councilor Gary Eddiehausen, who believes that changing the times won’t help matters in the community and may well spread alcohol-fuelled mayhem into the suburbs.
All because these pissheads can’t get a drink at 5am?
As in so many other areas of society, surely it’s simply about ‘education’ through law changes, (or if you’re in the Labor left, what is called ‘social engineering’) – in this case, changing the opening hours and letting people adjust their timings accordingly.
The booze lobby has had everyone bluffed for years on this issue in Townsville, even to the hilarious level of bullshit that they are deeply concerned about jobs losses (which is crap, it will just mean earlier starts, but isn’t it nice to know they’re such socially sensitive softies), people getting home safely (how do you spell hypocritical?) and the possible escalation of violence on the street. That last one is the the most cretinous claim of all … fill up drunks to overload at rip-off prices, then turf ‘em out before going all sanctimonious ‘nuthin’ to do with us, they’re on the street … the coppers can look after it’.
Put simply, these late night alcohol advocates are talking through their wallets … so easy to rip the sots off in the early hours, when no one –that is NO ONE – is sober and all are, to one degree or another, non-compos mentis (the latter includes the bouncers, but that’s generally their condition 24/7, the poor lads … probably traumatised by being born without necks).
As always, Bentley’s pen is more eloquent than The ‘Pie’s words.
Hey, I used to know her!
Make no mistake, it’s all about the money.
This subject will undoubtedly be a thread in the comments over the coming week, and maybe we’ll have a closer look at the matter in the blog itself soon.
Silly Quote of the Week
The Astonisher did it’s usual headless chook performance on the closing hours issue, clearly favoring the status quo for their advertisers, just days after deploring the spate of attacks on police in Townsville. As usual, the squeaking editorial and thinly disguised comment in the news stories basically said this was very naughty and should stop … as it should, thanks for the moral guidance.
Ian Leavers – Qld Police Union
But the quote that caught The Magpie eye came from Ian Leavers, head of the Qld Police Union.
Ex-copper Leavers, who on occasion looks like he could stare down Julie Bishop, comes from the ‘my mother drunk or sober’ school of elected spokesmen, up to and including lopsidedly defending one officer who was clearly guilty of manslaughter.
Here’s how the Astonisher reported his view on the increased assaults on wallopers in Townsville.
‘Queensland Police Union president Ian Leavers called on greater protections for police.
“It is simply not acceptable for someone to turn up to work and be assaulted just for doing their job.
“This type of behaviour would not be tolerated in any other work environment and we as a community should not tolerate people assaulting police.”
That bromide begs a few observations. Mr Leavers seems to suggest that ‘the community’ finds it acceptable to belt police and they should change that (non-existant) attitude, and no, it wouldn’t be tolerated in any other workplace – guess what would happen then, Ian, me old luvvie … the cops would be called!
But the prize quote is: ‘It is simply not acceptable for someone to turn up to work and be assaulted just for doing their job.’
No Mr Leavers, it is not acceptable, and no one but criminals, crackheads or drunk thinks it is. BUT, mate, that’s exactly what the police ‘work environment’ is, dealing with dickheads, ice addicts and other out of control people, often in the most deprived and alcohol-fuelled areas of the city. AND what further protections are you suggesting, AK-47s? The modern police officer is not only is equipped inter alia with a pistol, cuffs, retractable cosh and capsicum spray but also enjoys the community support of some stiff penalties for snotting a rozzer.
Like Astonisher iditor Pinocchio Heywood, you seem to specialize in meaningless and slightly insulting motherhood statements without offering possible solutions. One suspects you are just trying to keep in good with those who keep you in your cushy position. A few specifics wouldn’t hurt, if you in fact have any. Or were you just flapping your gums – yet again?
Does our mayor suffer a secret phobia?
Chronomentrophobi is the $100 word for ‘fear of clocks’ … and this may lie behind a pronounced and increasingly noted trait of Mayor Mullet. She seems to make a habit – some say it isn’t accidental – of arriving late for functions, events and meetings. This has been noted for a long time now, but genuine concerns are being raised when it happens as the city’s representative attending functions for important visitors.
Jenny Mayor Mullet Hill
There are those who suggest Jenny likes ‘the big entrance’, and getting the attention of ‘finally turning up’.
But that stopped being a forgivable little pomposity and simply became bloody rude when Queensland Govenor Paul De Jersey was at a function in his honour on a recent Friday night. It is toe-curlingly embarrassing when you actually arrive so late that the governor has to stop half-way through his speech to welcome as you regally seat yourself. Surely it should’ve been the other way around.
Great look for the city, but Mayor Mullet is a serial offender in this manner. For years now, The ‘Pie has been hearing stories of her tardiness at events large and small, but it can be positively damaging for the city’s image. She was a full half hour late for the Federal Treasurer’s breakfast, when Joe Hockey was in town a few weeks back. When the man whose counting house you wish to raid descends upon the city, surely it is our top elected representative who should be waiting on the podium to do the introductions?
If Joe recalls this, we can only hope that it’s not in the terms of a mayor who was day late and a dollar short.
An Astonisher Cock-up Right From The Cradle
From today’s Townsville Bulletin website
Tinniest? Do this poor bub’s cries have ‘a displeasingly metallic sound’ (definition 1), or maybe he is a miracle child ‘made of thin or poor-quality metal’ (definition 2) or does he face the ignominy of having those saccharine Facebook gushers never declaring him cute enough to eat because of ‘ having an unpleasantly metallic taste’ (definition 3).
Speaking of Unpleasant Tastes
There’ll be a nasty taste in iditor Pinocchio Heywood’s mouth about now, with the Roy Morgan readership figures just landed.
A week or so ago, Pinocchio placed a prominent ad in Monday’s paper, suggesting that while about 16,000 people would be going to the Cowboys game that night, during the day, no less than 90,000 people would read the game preview in the Bulletin. Yup, 90,000. That raises the interesting question that if that many read the preview, how many read Tuesday’s paper after the Cowboys had won?
But this week, Roy Morgan numbers highlighted the absurdity of the claim.
| QLD | ||||||
| Courier-Mail | 483 | 420 | 593 | 533 | - | - |
| The Sunday Mail | - | - | - | - | 869 | 847 |
| Cairns Post | 56 | 52 | 83 | 75 | - | - |
| Gold Coast Bulletin | 87 | 64 | 108 | 71 | - | - |
| Townsville Bulletin | 57 | 47 | 72 | 62 | - | - |
Reading across, M-F 2014, 2015 Sat ditto. So that’s almost a 20% loss, and just about half the iditor’s airy claim. So who do you believe?
Aaron An Airhead? Surely Not!
Pommy leftie stirrer Kitty Muggeridge once said of David Frost ‘He rose without a trace’… The ‘Pie purloins that line to describe our new member for Thuringowa. Just how the verbal clod-hopping Aaron Harper boarded the state gravy train may remain a faction-shrouded mystery, but he’s shaping up as an outstanding successor to this region’s proud parade of dud politicians.
Aaron Harper
If Coralee O’Rourke is The Parliamentary Parrot, then new member for Thuringowa Aaron Harper is the government’s Galah.
Mate, if you really do think you won’t be called out on lazy and lying self-promotion, you’re in your castle, dreamin’, old son. A less than happy camper in Thuringowa sent this recent Harper letter drop into the nest.
The sender was questioning a number of Harper’s claims as his own achievements, pointing out that several were initiated by his predecessor Sam Cox.
The aggrieved punter commented,’ I understand he has to follow up on past allocations/projects etc but should not claim them as his own work!’
Maybe not such a big deal, but people are aware of these little things. And in this case, it seems it’s indicative of a pretty lazy approach to the job overall.
For instance, there is the bogey of ‘that’ stadium, which, as a stand-alone project has met such community opposition that the Bulletin has had to change it’s tune almost completely. So as a government MP who campaigned on the issue, Mr Harper should know the vital importance for getting it right, but alas …
Earlier this week, ABC Local radio’s redoubtable Paula ‘The Mauler’ Tapiloas interviewed Harper before he travelled to Palm Island for some pointless gabfest.
And one quote took everyone by surprise;
‘…also, as you know, the Palaszczuk Government has committed $100 million a year to build the stadium at home for Townsville itself, which is the integrated stadium and exhibition center, so I think we’ve taken a step in the right direction and we’d certainly like to see the federal government follow suit.’
‘$100 million a year’ might be a minor slip-up, but given the Bulletin’s tiresomely repetitive insistence that the one-off $100 million is for the stadium only, who is right? Has Mr Harper broken news of a government change of heart, has the Bulletin neglected to tell us about this somewhat vital bit of information, or is Mr Harper not on top of his mouth and his job?
Sadly, the latter was more or less proven to be the case when further along in the interview, there was this exchange.
Paula: ‘Our Minister O’Rourke is working with the business community to identify five key projects to promote key development. What are those five key projects?’
Harper: (Pause) There is a number obviously in .. err … tourism and infrastructure, but I would –ah – ummm – love you to talk to Coralee to get the exact detail out of that..’
He clearly hadn’t a clue what his party colleagues considered ‘key projects’, or more succinctly, he was clueless.
Indeed, this is where we’ve come to with modern government a la Palaszczuk – On the day he was fumbling around on the ABC, this goof grandly announced that because Minister Coralee O’Rourke had to be in Brisbane for a meeting ‘with business leaders’, he was off to Palm Island because he was … the writer’s of the ABC comedy Utopia would love this … the representative representing the Minister Representing the Premier in the North.
Monty Python would be hard put to manufacture as an absurd a title which is pure and simple gravy train make-work on the taxpayers’ dollar. But even then, this cipher of a public representative hasn’t the wit or energy to be across matters vital to this area. If ever someone typified the old chant ‘the working class can kiss my arse, I’ve got the bosses job at last’, it would appear so far to be Aaron Harper.
Dumbo Dumbfounds Again
Ewen Jones – a Welsh immigrant?
A Kelso woman … The ‘Pie will decline to name her but her moniker is very Italian sounding – emailed Dumbo’s office with some request/opinion about boats and refugees. Dumbo’s reply dumbfounded her, with the suggestion ‘…with your surname, you must be a migrant/refugee to this country yourself.’
Well, no, Dumbo, and good to see your well aware of the history of your electorate. The woman is a fifth generation Aussie who married a fifth generation (or more) bloke of Italian heritage. If Laurence Lancini ever bothers to talk to you, do you ask him the same question? However, are to assume because of your name, you are recently arrives from Wales? You’re an idiot.
Talk about laugh or cry … but we’ll be doing that enough on election day.
How Can It Be
An old familiar face has been seen around town somewhat recently, which has piqued the interest of some legal types.
Jarrod McCracken
Jarrod McCracken, former international footy star and somewhat less successful developer, is said to be the boss – indeed, the owner – of the swish new rooftop eatery/drinkery Rambutan, next to the Mad Cow on Via Vomitorium. Indeed, he was spotted there a couple of times in the past week. Nicely done out, it is, too, seems likely wife Michelle might have had a hand in the design.
Just what Jarrod’s role in the business remains clouded. He can’t actually own or operate a company while he is an undischarged bankrupt, which he is at last report. And a couple of legal types would like to catch up for a cosy chat about some other matters, possibly to do with his exit from the Consortium nightclub a few doors down the road.
Fancy Some Roasted Swan
We all know now that Adam Goodes copped a grilling over his indigenous jig and spear throwing, but it seems the Canberra Hyatt took the grilling analogy maybe a tad too far a few days ago. This appeared on their buffet table during the week.
That would have been ‘aubergine’. The hotel has apologised for what they said was a spellcheck error, but given the divisiveness of the Goodes episode, it may have been a staff member’s personal comment on the issue.
Christ, silly ‘Pie, airing this mistake … if Goodes sees it, he just might have another fit of the vapors and sook off for another week with his feet up.
Some Last Lashes For A Dead Horse
We journos all hate the end of the run of a great yarn, so The ‘Pie cannot resist a few final nails in the Bronny coffin.
Particularly liked this one …
… but this had a ring of truth.
And this one is offered, presumably from happier times, for the one sole reason that The ‘Pie is quite taken with Wingnut’s ‘bashful boyfriend’ footwork.
Sweet, really
But that wasn’t the relationship that has tongues wagging. Has lesbian legislator Senator Penny Wong, same sex marriage champion, been keeping from us that she actually – as they say in Aussie Rules – kick with both feet. Well, maybe if she stayed awake, but she was spotted sleeping with a bloke just before her ALP conference pitch for marriage equality.
Fergo, you old devil!
In the US, the Republican debate had a bag of assorted nuts making the most outrageous claims, and Donald Trump is said to have damaged his credibility … The ‘Pie is still trying to work that out … but it was this pic of contender Ted Cruz that grabbed his attention.
The ‘Pie is unreliably told that his daughter, a good child of a Republican, pro-gun, racist father, is here caught making a playful joke with him, telling him ‘Daddy, if you don’t win the nomination, I’m going to pretend you’re black and shoot you’.
And finally, no comment.,
