The Gloves Are Off: The ‘Pie And Legal Foghorn Bazza Taylor Are Set To Dook It Out In Court

But maybe The ‘Pie will only have to face the B team in the form of Vanesa Gleeson (Typo’s missus), because Foghorn Bazza may have to withdraw from the case since we might call him as a witness. Lacking a case – or guts – himself , he has put poor old Rabieh Krayem up as a patsy to sue The ‘Pie for some previous harmless japery. But now, Foghorn Bazza will now find he has a few ticklish questions to answer himself … under oath from the witness box.

Question: How do you put Astonisher Iditor Ben Bogan English into a small business? Answer: Put him in a big one to start with. The latest circulation figures (that’s newspapers sold –or in case of the Bulletin, disposed of in some imaginative ways – not readership guesstimates) show an abject failure to stem the bleeding.

And to top off a dizzy week, the day before the ceremonial ground breaking for the new stadium, the Bulletin iditorial admits it’s likely to be a financial dud.

But first …

What A Berk(a)

The Magpie had this to say this week about the most talked about theatrical entrance of the week.

The Magpie 

 August 18, 2017 at 10:36 am  (Edit)

The ‘Pie thinks Hanson made a very valid point that needed to be made. She has long preached, and others denied, that if you remove the burka, you will find underneath a hideous, Machiavellian terrorist determined to wipe out Australia’s personal freedoms. Personally The ‘Pie didn’t believe it

 

… until yesterday, when she took off her burka.

But Pauline’s prank had the desired effect, and many admired her for it. With citizenship matters making a new election possible, it was a stunt that was certainly going to shore up her already secured vote out in banjo land, and may even have gathered a few more to the One Notion fold. She even has some high profile backers like the gnomish Dick Smith who may not be too open about their support for Big Red, but he’s of a like mind. So Bentley thinks that while Senator Hanson has balls to pull the burka stunt, she also has a dick in her ear.

But you know something is deeply wrong when what has been hailed as the most ethical, eloquent and stirring rebuttal speech of the day came from … George ‘Soapy’ Brandis, one of the slipperiest liars in parliament? Actually, his confected outrage was stock standard stuff which certainly won’t have Lincoln feeling threatened in his grave, but will greatly gratify the Chatterati.

EXCLUSIVELY REVEALED: LNP’s Tim Nicholls To Take Over NRL If Elected Premier.

That’s according to the Bulletin Iditor, anyway, although he appeared to miss that vital aspect of the story in his cloyingly twee iditorial about the new CBD stadium on Tuesday. The line that caught The ‘Pie’s beady eye was the claim that a State of Origin match in Townsville was no ‘aimless dream’ because quote: “… now State Opposition leader Tim Nicholls has guaranteed an Origin match will be played in Townsville if he wins government.”

Really? The NRL is no longer the final arbiter of all matters SOO?

And the paper still wonders why absolutely no one believes a single thing they write, even the truthful, correctly reported stories which are tarred with the brush of unbelievability and ’insider trading’ with the Gilded Few.

But Sometimes They Don’t Realise Just What They’re Saying

During the week, a commenter supplied the questions and alternate view so sadly lacking from this snoozing publication.

Memory Man

Today’s editorial was a dead set cracker. It basically admits that the footy stadium is a financial dud. This is what it says:
“For the Townsville CBD Stadium to be commercially viable, it must attract great events on a regular basis. It will not be sufficient to merely host a dozen Cowboys fixtures, as great as they will be.”

It goes on to talk about the need to attract all sorts of “global entertainment superstars”, “military spectaculars”, “Super Rugby clashes” etc. One problem: as the editorial points out, because the ground is smaller than, say, Lang Park, the “ticket revenue shortfall … at the relatively smaller Townsville CBD stadium will be about $8 million”. Yep, that’s a good start to the business case for major events and their promoters to choose the dud stadium over a larger capital city venue! NOT.

It gets better. Our iditor goes on to praise Tim Nichols’ commitment to subsidise the State of Origin to the tune of $8m claiming it would be a “drop in the ocean of tourism spending and a figure that would be repaid many times over with the visitation this event would generate …”. 

Let’s do some basic sums shall we:

1. The stadium holds 25,000. Let’s assume it will be full for the Origin.
2. What our mate Benny is saying, when he talks about the “visitation this event would generate” is that the stadium will not be filled by locals. Only three ways this could happen: (a) the first is that there are simply not enough people in Townsville and surrounds to fill the stadium (unlikely); (b) the second is that to generate visitation revenues, you’d have to limit the number of tickets sold to locals. Of course, (c) it could simply be the case that when ticket sales go on line, a bunch of folk from outside of Townsville are just really fast and get in before the locals.
3. If indeed the stadium has a mix of locals and visitors, then perhaps we could assume that 10,000 folk will come from outside Townsville. Why this number? Well, the Cowboys command a regular crowd of around 13,000-15,000 so let’s use that as the base level of demand. So, let’s just assume that there’s no more folk from Townsville interested in attending the Origin or are just too slow to snap up the tickets.
4. So, we’re talking about $8m. Divide that into 10,000 extra folk and you’ve got a situation where $800 additional expenditure per person is needed to cost-recover the $8m. Let’s assume they will all stay 1 night and eat 3 meals. Assume that half of these people (5,000) will be couples for the sake of rooms demanded.
   1. So, we will have demand for 7,500 rooms. Let’s say this is @ $200 per room, which makes $1,500,000.
   2. Assume each meal averages $30. This means 10,000 x $90 = $900,000. So far, we’ve gotten to $2.4m. That’s a long way short of $8m.
   3. Let’s add in the taxis to and from the airport … say $40 per travelling party (couples or singles). That’s $40 x 7,500 = $300,000. They could, of course, take an Uber – cut the ground transport down by 30% in that case, so let’s say $200,000 for ground transport to and from the airport.

For one game, with the State out of pocket $8m and an estimated visitor spend of $2.6m, we’re still somewhat shy of breaking even. Does this represent a fantastic investment for North Queensland? The North would be better off having the $8m distributed as helicopter money.

As a counter point to all this, tickets to the MCG for next June’s opening SOO game had just 1% of tickets left as of Friday.  Given the MCG’s 100,000 capacity and prices ranging from $130 to just short of $500, the NRL now has somewhere north of $12million to put on the overnight money market for the next 9 months..

As Another Glaring Example Of What We’re Not Told – But In Fairness, This One Is No Surprise

Ben ‘Bogan’ English

It’s been said here more  than once, but Astonisher Iditor Ben Bogan English has taken to heart that fine old American saying ‘When you’re being run out of town, get to the head of the mob and look like you’re leading a parade.’ The latest set of dire circulation figures hit the desk yesterday, and brought forth a classic bit of spin from Bogan, who said the Bulletin has recorded ‘substantial growth over the last 12 months’. Huh? Substantial?

In a modest Page 3 bit of pure flapdoodle, page 3, seven small pars, only two of which mentioned actual figures – bit of a giveaway in itself,  English finally mentions numbers in the fifth paragraph … Monday to Friday sales up 1.9% and 0.3% on Saturdays. Substantial? No wonder the story was buried !

It was far more significant for what it didn’t say.
Here’s the comparison, top the circulation to December 2016, and then to June 2017. To keep it simple, we’ll just go M-F, nothing much changed in Sat figs.

……….

The print sales actually shrank by 744 copies overall per week, so the critical numbers here – conveniently ignored by Bogan – are those digital subscription stats. After what is well more than a million dollars worth of newspaper space, TV and radio advertising, the Bulletin now has 2994 digital subscribers. But that number started off a base 1721, so that million+ bucks bought in just 1273 paying punters, many of whom would also get a home delivered paper as part of their deal. So that extra 1273 new punters cost an average of $785.54 each.
Of course, much of the conservatively estimated million dollars was ‘in kind’ using their own paper space in the Bulletin but what does that say about the selling power of the Astonisher? And let’s not forget, footballers don’t do nothing for nothing nowadays, so JT and Morgo probably would’ve picked up nice little cheques as well for featuring in the full page ads.

Perhaps these figures are evidence that this is a more appropriate headline for the Astonisher … just add a ‘REVEALED’ and an ‘EXCLUSIVE’.

That Story Was Buried, This One Was Cremated

Former Bulletin journo and budding on-line news site editor, Doug Kingston, has been having an interesting time this week. He’s wondering if the Bulletin is so in fear of his new news venture that they will ignore a real story just because he brought it to their attention. Here it is in his own words.

‘Early this week, I sent this email to the media, but especially to Ben English, Bulletin editor. This morning around 10.15am I was walking along the southern banks of Ross Creek from the Denham Street bridge to the Townsville Yacht Club when I came across a crew of 8 workers cutting down mangroves on the banks of the creek, directly in front of the old Telstra building, now partly occupied by Adani. I took photos and asked one of the workers if they had environmental approval to do this. The reply was “yes”. This afternoon around 1.15pm I walked through the same area again and took more photos of the bare bank, almost completely stripped of mangroves. A crew of some 10 workers were continuing to cut down mangroves so I walked up to a person who appeared to be supervising and asked: “why are you cutting down all the mangroves”. The reply was: “its criminal I know but they want it all cleared”. “Who wants it all cleared?” I asked, “Adani?”.

The reply was: “yes”.

So Adani, a foreign company who doesn’t yet have the finance in place to proceed with its coal mine project, and which is yet to get approval for a $1 billion Australian Government loan to build a rail line which is critical to the project, has been allowed to clear mangroves along Ross Creek just because it wants the area ‘cleaned up’?

I’m no greenie but if this is being allowed to happen it is a disgrace and the public deserves to know about it.

I can supply before, during and after photos if required.”

WIN TV ran a story on Wednesday night, but there was, and still hasn’t been anything in the Bulletin. Clr Ann-Maree Greaney was also interviewed and gave the council’s explanation, basically that it was for public safety. I sent Councillor Greaney an email posing some questions but have not yet received a reply (to be fair, I’m not expecting one until early next week – if at all).

Questions posed to Greaney:

1. You stated that council was removing the mangroves in the interests of public safety and mentioned crimes that had been committed in the area. Can you please provide details of criminal activity recorded in Tomlins Street in the past three years?
2. You also stated that the mangroves were blocking the CCTV cameras across the creek from recording the goings on in Tomlins Street. Given that I have photographic evidence that the majority of the mangroves removed were below high tide level and below the creek bank, how could they have been blocking the cameras?
3. Some of the mangroves have been left in place. Will these not continue to block the sight of the CCTV cameras?
4. Instead of destroying mangroves, if the street is such a hot bed of crime, why hasn’t the council installed CCTV cameras on that side of the creek?
5. Are the CCTV cameras across the creek actually capable of recording criminal activity on Tomlins Street?
6. The mangroves have been there for years, are you saying it is just a coincidence that they have been removed soon after Adani moved into offices directly across the road from the creek or has there been a recent increase in criminal activity in Tomlins Street? If you, can you please provide full details including offences and dates?
7. In the tv interview you stated that coulcil has received numerous complaints from local residents about the mangroves and associated crime, however the WIN reporter asked the body corporate chairman of the apartment block in Tomlins Street about this and he had never heard of any such complaints. Can you please provide a list of the residents or business people who have complained to council about the mangroves and associated crime in Tomlins Street?
8. Given that I have volunteered to undergo a polygraph or lie detector test regarding the statements made by the council supervisor, who stated it was Adani who wanted the mangroves cleared, are you also prepared to undergo a lie detector test on the statements and claims you made on WIN News?

I also provided her with links like this one to some of the many stories that can be found by Googling “Adani mangroves” or “Adani environment” .

The Magpie noted that in his little homily about Bulletin growth, Bogan wrote quote: ‘The paper strives every day to be a champion for the region and a voice for residents who have none.’

Which leaves one not only exausted with helpless mirth, but also wondering when a paper that specialises in lazy reporting and social media stuff, is handed a legitimate story and photographs most certainly of interest to Townsville people, what forces are at work to keep this out of the paper? Seems Adani remains a protected species.

It’s The ‘Pie And The Foghorn To Do Battle Before The Beak

The Magpie has decided to play along with Bazza Taylor’s little game of bluff and bluster, and will defend matters mentioned in this blog from time to time about local colourful character Rabieh Krayem.

Mr Taylor who, through personal inexplicable animosity towards The Magpie, has long wanted to have a shot at the blameless old bird, but has so far lacked two elements… anything to sue about and lack of guts to do it on his own behalf. So our spineless legal eagle has managed to talk the unfortunate Rabieh Krayem into some sort of faux outrage about mentions he has received here.

Now, since Rabieh was boss of the Cowboys Club and Mr Taylor was serving on the board of the Cowboys when there is strong evidence that the club was trading insolvent – a big criminal no-no for board members and managers – we have decided that it is relevant to ask Mr Taylor some questions about the matter. Under oath.
He’ll go mega nuclear at this news, and will try every trick in the book to avoid this outcome at all costs. (If proven on the facts – which it looks like it could well be – the ‘costs’ could be considerable for Mr Taylor). We think, like you dear reader, that Bazza will find this Intention To Defend most thought provoking. Particularly item 31.

Well Whooda Thort

A senior Catholic doo dah has said a blunt ‘no way Jose’ to the official recommendation that priests be forced to report confessions involving child abuse. You can imagine how that would work… not. For a start, who is going to police it? Bug the confessional? Ask the priest who belongs to an organisation known for its truthful candour and defence of children? Yeah, right. Beside, in many cases, it would involve bringing down the whole hideous racket down on one’s own head.

It has all moved The ‘Pie to wax poetical … if limericks count.

There was a ageing priest from Tringe

Who spoke of God and such things,

But his secret desire,

Was a boy in the choir,

Who had a bottom like jelly on springs..

Fred! Stop Ogling That Car, Don’t You Love Me Anymore?

Bible bashers and other fairytale purveyors so easily get hilarious fits of the screaming ab dabs when the question of gay marriage equality come up. First we had Cory Bernardi warning it may need the RSPCA to be trained in domestic violence intervention because soon, people will be allowed to marry animals.

But Cory The St Bernhardi defender comes across as a paragon of sweet reason next to Tasmanian’s deeply disturbed and disturbing Senator Eric(a) Abetz. This week, Erica made news around the globe when he suggested that the proposed new gay marriage laws would allow people to marry inanimate objects ‘like the Sydney Harbour Bridge.’  His premise is that once you remove the ‘man and woman thing’ as he so romantically puts it, then anything goes when it comes to defining love.

Well that was great news for some brave souls with a sense of the ridiculous …

… but outrage from some inanimate objects. The Sydney Harbor Bridge has hit back. Speaking to the Bridge Builders and Hot Rivetters Monthly, The Sydney Harbour Bridge ( ‘call me Bridget’ ) said the Senator was out of line as well as his mind. ‘Why shouldn’t someone be allowed to bang a bridge? We have our needs and wants too, you know, well beyond a lick of paint and only occasionally getting re-laid. We want equality for oppressed bridges across the nation. And Bridget thinks Senator Abetz is being hypocritical.

‘He says people shouldn’t be allowed to marry inanimate objects but why not? His wife did.’

Boy, those bridges can be real bitches, sometimes.

And The SSM Debate Just Begs For Unfortunate Slip-Ups.

A commenter reminded us during the week that when Cory Bernardi’s wife was asked what made her marriage so enduring, she replied ‘It’s because we’re in love with the same person’. Quite so.

And the gremlin’s even put Annabel Crabb in the poo.

Those Cunning Oriental Devils!

This sent by a reader.

The publication isn’t identified, but since there are no errors in syntax, spelling or grammar, we can safely assume it is not from the Townsville Bulletin.

The Week In Trump World

Hmmm, that seems about right … and so does this…

That’s this weekly lot of old cobblers, some very interesting comments guaranteed during the week, please join in the fun and have your say. Any donation to help the blog along will assist The Magpie to keep warbling on. The How To Donate button is below.