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The Magpie

Saturday, February 10th, 2018   |   192 comments

The Bulletin And The Barnbaby – Why The Astonisher Deserves An Award For A Headline They DIDN’T Write.

Or maybe they just didn’t know.

And the paper won’t be telling you about the latest readership figures …eeerrrkkk!!! … but The Magpie will.

… and that Townsville Council Development Corporation is seeking three PAID but mind you, oh-so-independent,  directors, in a further raid on the dwindling public faith in our governance. How high does the mayor think she can stack her re-election campaign?

… and The ‘Pie finds the one single explanatory paragraph that sums up the truth of that sensational book Fire and Fury.

Bentley’s still cavorting around in the world’s pleasure spots somewhere but should be home maybe next week.

But first, what else, some good old-fashioned  scandal, including a personal memoir from The Magpie.

Vikki The Vamp And That Barnbaby 

Vikki C

First the back story, in case you’ve just returned from being Malcolm Roberts holiday guest on whatever planet he comes from. The whole country is atwitter … literally nowadays … about a member’s private member. Barnaby Joyce has been playing hide the sausage with staffer Vikki Campion, who is now well and truly up the duff.

Vikki Campion preggers

But she appears fit enough, probably limber from all the social climbing the catty ones in her background say she is so adept at. (You know you’ve reached a mid-life crisis when social climbing involves Barnaby Joyce and a ‘barnbaby’ … although the conception may have been in more salubrious surroundings than a barn … at least the back of a new 4WD down the back of the Long Paddock).

But the fallout has been predictable and hilarious.

This woman, Independent Cathy McGowan wants to pass a law outlawing sex between MPs and their staff, or anybody else’s staff.

Cathy McGowan Ind MP for Indi


But no word on how that would work. No, don’t think about it, and it has puzzled Paul Zanetti too.


Then there is the very real question whether it is any of our business. The Magpie tried to answer that question in comments during the week.

The Magpie February 9, 2018 at 9:24 am  (Edit)

The fact that Vikki Campion was a staff member would only be relevant and entitled to public airing if – as Barnaby was asked by Leigh Sales – if public money had been used for transport, accommodation, food etc, solely for the relationship. Barnaby says no public money was involved, and that detailed searches had found no such links. Later, he said he’d paid back a small amount he deemed appropriate … possibly for the Big Mac he beseechingly promised in place of the usual après cigarette.

His marriage bust up is his matter alone, as it would be any other citizen, but things get murky on a couple of fronts. Note Mrs Joyce’s comment that she had welcomed Campion into her home with friendliness and trust. That means Campion was in the Joyce home solely because she was a staff member. And then there is the matter of the timing of the root that led to the pregnancy (let’s talk barnyard here, it is after all, a national member involved, or more accurately, a National member’s member). If Campion was guesting in the Joyce home while having it off with the boss, and/or visited said home in the early stages of pregnancy, that, apart from being basely grubby in the extreme, it leads us to the next consideration.

In both matters, it can be argued that the question goes to the supposed higher standards that are supposed to be met by our elected representatives who make the laws of the land under which we live (which of course is tripe … power and sex are forever intertwined and the cross pollination of semen in the national capital would make a DNA scientist go cross-eyed. As an interviewee on ABC Radio National said’If you brought a blue light (which makes semen traces glow) into Parliament House, it would light up like a Jackson Pollack.’ (It’s actually known as black light, but poetic license and all that.) That’s a sentiment with which larry Pickering hilariously agrees.


As to the feminist fancy-dress fringe yapping about he had the boss’s power to seduce Campion, well, that’s just serving a separate agenda in The ‘Pie’s opinion –Ms Campion although a journalist of just modest talent, was not going to be seduced by anyone she had no interest in, the boot would have been very much on the other foot.

The Magpie makes this judgment through the following personal observation.

The Astonisher’s Admirable Restraint

How did they resist the headline of the year that would’ve put the paper on the national stage?

Former Bulletin Journo To Have Barnaby’s Love Child’.

Yup, Vikki The Vamp would become Our Vikki if the Astonisher wasn’t so coy. She worked on the paper for a bit while The Magpie was there. And up front, let The ‘Pie say he found her a nice, effervescent colleague who brightened up an often po-faced newsroom.

Vikki graced the Bulletin for a year or so back in the noughties. And it would now appear she is the quintessential example of the old maxim ‘Be careful what you pray for, for God may grant your wish’. Not that Vikki appeared to be much taken with exchanges with the Lord, she was more into lording it over them at the Exchange, and elsewhere on the Strip on Flinders Street East

If there was a word to describe Vikki, vivacious would fit the bill. She was of modest journalistic attainment back then, but this bubbly gal was no ditz and she well knew she was never going to a Woodward or Bernstein. She also made no secret that she knew exactly what ammunition she had in her locker to follow her star, and at the same, made it quite obvious she wasn’t about to waste much of that firepower in Townsville – her sights were always firmly set south.

She always dressed to, let us say, titillate, and always had two of her best features front and center in order to …well, as said, titillate. The mumbling from any number of green-eyed female colleagues – especially the thin-lipped prissy chief of staff, Bettina Giardina, a well known party girl herself at the time who didn’t like the competition – formed a permanent background rumble but Vikki wasn’t fazed, the editor was amused and liked her style.

It wasn’t long before she headed off.

The ‘Pie’s last memory of Vikki was her in a white cocktail dress, shoeless and curled up fast asleep under the table in the interview room, after her farewell night down on Via Vomitorium. Which since Ms Campion had a day to go on Rupert’s shilling made an unforgiving Ms Giardina very huffy and self-righteous indeed, much to the amusement of the blokes in the newsroom, particularly down in the sports zoo.

And so the Campion trajectory was set from take-off, and it’s fair to say there is more than one News Ltd executive in Holt Street with subsequent fond misty memories mightily relieved see Ms Campion settled down into domestic bliss. In Canberra (whew!).

She can now look forward to all those happy Wonder Working Mum how-does-she-she-do-it stories in the Womens’ Weekly. But one doubts we will not see any such adulation from the Bulletin in the section that deals with all that stuff … it is mainly written by Ms Giaradina under her married name of Warburton.

Like Vikki could care. Anyway, The ‘Pie wonders if a couple of baby names at the top of the list would be Pistol or Boo.

And it all leaves The ‘Pie with but a single question.

Barnaby, Vikki, Barnaby Joyce? Really? Like they say, if want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

Too Little Too Late

With a truly eyebrow-raising three stories critical of the mayor in the past week, and a couple of others simply luke-warm waffles that had the air of giving madam mayor enough rope, there is a definite change of emphasis down at the Astonisher. Stay the course, there, Jenna, stout lassie. There’s still a lot of stories that raise more questions than they answer, but gift horses and gobs and all that, y’know.

However, as much as The ‘Pie recognizes that a strong community must have a strong inquiring local paper as one of its mainstays for progress, it would appear that is a forlorn hope for Townsville, according to the latest Roy Morgan readership figures. here arte the Queensland stats, for year on year 2016-17 and M-f first then Saturday.









The Sunday Mail







Cairns Post







Gold Coast Bulletin







Townsville Bulletin







The weekday numbers particularly are wrist-slitting stuff (32k readers on a weekday would, using News’s own metrics, could mean a circulation – issues printed – as low as 10,000 … truly sad), and while these are numbers for print media only, the word is the digital take-up is woeful for the Bulletin, despite the acres of space devoted to come ons in the paper. Not that we’re ever likely to know and advertisers will just have to take the paper’s advertising flim flam folk at their word … News publications are no longer making their circulation figures public from any platform.

Front Pages For Sale

twin papers

Anyone notice what seemed an odd coincidence recently when this Astonisher and Curious Snail ran with the same front page with a virtue-signalling beat-up about making It mandatory for Queensland school kids to learn how to swim. The hysteria could lead you to believe the bodies of the little snots were clogging up the waterways something chronic.

Well, it goes deeper than a coincidence, and deeper than actual news. This is a CAMPAIGN, see? Which a NOBLE thing right?

Well not exactly, it was just a stunt aimed at making dough. Nothing wrong with that, news is a business like any other when it comes to money, but it’s the transparent PRETENCE that rankles. The Guardian’s Amanda Meade delved into th details.

News Corp Australia loves a campaign to drum up interest in its newspapers. In the last week or so it’s had two: a national campaign to revive the movie Crocodile Dundee and another one aimed at forcing the Queensland government to fund swimming lesson for primary school children. Forty-six News Corp mastheads ran the same front page to launch the SOS (Save Our Schoolkids) campaign.

Screen shot 2018-02-09 at 1.50.36 PM

The Courier-Mail editor, Sam Weir, said: “This is a unique stance we’ve taken to shine a light on the outrageous fact that Queensland does not include compulsory swimming lessons in primary schools.” The stories rolled out for days and featured politicians, Olympians and the parents of kids who had drowned.

But online and in the paper readers were swamped by ads for Rackley Swimming (a company which runs 20 swimming schools across Queensland), the Swimming Pool and Spa Association of Australia, and Optus, which supports Swimming Australia. Was it a paid content campaign without being labelled as such? The companies were referred to as “partners” in the small print. According to corporate affairs the campaign was conceptualised by the Courier-Mail editorial team led by the head of news, Melanie Pilling. News Corp told Beast: “It’s an editorial initiative that received commercial support.”

Therefore, The ‘Pie’s question is: would it have run without the ‘partnership’ advertising dollars?

And also, what’s wrong with saying to critics ‘ Of course we wanted to attract advertising dollars, but we had the socially responsible idea first and then went out and sold it’? Which is the way it has always worked and no one has complained. Why would they, business is business? But as always, News Corpse seems to want to deny they are first and foremost a business seeking advertising dollars, and somehow want us to believe their motives are totally altruistic and pure as the driven snow, campaigning news people and tough nuts. .

Will an increasingly cynical public buy that? In Time magazine’s famous reply to an equally outlandish Khrushchev boast in the 1950s’, ‘Shrimps will whistle first, Comrade.’

Hey, This Doesn’t Stack Up – Except Maybe For Mayor Mullet

A year or two back, Mayor Mullet signed Townsville up to the state/federal Smart Cities Deal, which provides money for projects to kick start the local economy. See here what Mayor Mullet had to say about suitable areas for expenditure.

Now The ‘Pie isn’t sure about this, but it seems that it is mandatory that council’s signing up to the deal have to create a council development corporation, an alarming prospect when we look at the goings on in DCs in Ipswich (they’ve been dumped because of corruption). It’s a set-up ripe for corruption, and internal pork barrelling. Why it is necessary is a mystery. But mystery and the Mullet go hand-in-hand, she seems addicted to it. It seems she doesn’t trust herself and her Mr Magoo vision for the city, let alone us.

So as The Magpie predicted some time back, a Development Corporation was created last November behind closed doors (mystery again, see, why on the quiet, FFS?) We only found out about through the diligence of people like Paul Batty. The initial directors are:

Birth Details: 19/01/1977 REDCLIFFE QLD
Appointment Date: 23/11/2017
Birth Details: 25/11/1970 COOROY QLD
Appointment Date: 23/11/2017
Birth Details: 01/09/1960 MELBOURNE VIC
Appointment Date: 23/11/2017
Birth Details: 14/03/1968 MBALE UGANDA
Appointment Date: 23/11/2017

CFO lives down south and CEO must live at the office.

The Mullet, Impaler and the council’s legal dogsbody Finlayson are there, and it appears that Thomson, whoever he is, is the CFO residing down south.

That looks a bit murky on the face of it, but today, we find this in the Astonisher.

Screen shot 2018-02-10 at 12.55.17 PM

PAID POSITIONS are an interesting words in this context, although not unreasonable. But paid positions like this can represent political gold (refer Anthony Mooney for proof of this theory) … you owe big-time if you are granted a seat at the trough, such a favour presumably bestowed by the other already appointed board members. So it will be most interesting to see who the ‘independent’ directors turn out to be. Dolan, mate, have you been tapped yet? All they need is one of their own, and there’s a majority on the board that will amount to an unelected council in itself.

If any of those Pure Project hustlers, cut’n’paste purloiners of ideas from elsewhere for an on-the-cheap plan for Townsville, get anywhere near this board (surely Thompson the CFO isn’t one of them?) authorities should be … indeed will be … notified.

And by the way, that titled bestowed on Pure Projects of ‘city placemaker’ … just what the fuck does that mean, its nonsense.

Another Mystery Of The Week

Screen shot 2018-02-11 at 9.20.42 AM

Clive Palmer is suing Mayor Mullet, who called him a white collar criminal. OK, but what is he suing her about?

And good old sloppy Macsloppy Face at the Courier gets the headline wrong … it has the mayor suing him.

A Brief Book Review Of Fire And Fury

Seems the fatso with the funny haircut in North Korea has impressed Donald Trump in one way … the Trumpet now wants to order up his own military parade. Steve Bell in the Guardian has given us a preview.

Screen shot 2018-02-09 at 2.01.01 PM

But that latest bit of public willie wanking was too late for the book, but never mind, plenty else in there.
fir and fury

The ‘Pie mentioned he was reading Michael Wolff’s about Trump and his trumpkin cavalcade infestation of the White House. And if Wolff’s page after page claims of astounding carry-on at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue – particularly nepotism – are even 10% true – and in truth, discounting much of the hyperole, you’d have to believe 80 to 90% would be closer the mark – then we are into unique and deadly dangerous territory indeed

There is the old theory now gaining new meaning called The Fallacy Of Transferred Authority; the possibly uninformed opinion of a celebrity is given wide media treatment and thus gains more weight and credibility than it should -Tom Cruise and scientology, Charlton Heston on gun laws, and here in Australia, boxer Anthony Mundine’s untempered racist rants are examples.

Well, as we did to a lesser extent with elevating Pauline Hanson, America has elevated a self-obsessed celebrity of clear low intelligence and soaring self-regard to one of the most precarious positions on the planet.

And because Donald Trump is president, everything he says is accepted as meaningful rather than moronic by more than a third of the population – and generally, none of the rest of the world.

Michael Wolff

Michael Wolff

Much will be written elsewhere about this somewhat laborious read (it seems to be padded out for length at the publisher’s behest) but on page 205, Wolff comes up with a truly helpful insight explaining the confusion and frustration with which the world views Trump. He writes:

But before moving on to the next episode on ohmygodness, it is worth considering the possibility that this constant daily, often more-than-once-a-day, pileup of events – each one cancelling the out the one before – is the true aberration and novelty at the heart of the Trump presidency. Perhaps never before in history … not through world wars, the overthrow of empires, periods of extraordinary social transformation, or episodes of government-shaking scandal … have real life events unfolded with such as emotional and plot thickening impact. In the fashion of binge watching a television show, one’s real life becomes quite secondary to the public drama. It was not unreasonable to say whoa, wait just a minute, public life doesn’t happen like this. Public life in fact lacks coherence and drama. (History by contrast attains coherence and drama in hindsight.)

In this disorienting place – down the rabbit hole – all public artifice, pretense, proportion, savvy and self-awareness had been cast off – possibly a result of Trump never really intending to be president – never really figured into the state of being president. This constant hysteria does have one unintended political virtue. If every new event canceled out every other event, like some whacky new-cycle pyramid scheme, then you always survived another day.

If that doesn’t send a chill down our spine, you are either not a sentient being or are Ted Eamonn Lindsay, an unabashed Trump booster and admirer. Oh, well, at least that’s one bullet we dodged.

But one has to wonder if, when the history of the Trump Calamity is written, will there be any coherence to go with the drama? Even more frightening is Churchill’s self-evident dictum ‘History is written by the victors’.


Finally, A Couple Of Things To Prove That A Policeman’s Lot Can Be A Happy One

cocaine in semen clown assault


That’s it for another week, but the comments continue 24/7, have your say, inform us, or just help us all laugh in a grim world. Hey, tell you what, a donation will make The Magpie laugh, he could do with it to maintain the blog in the manner to which you have become accustomed. The How-to donate button is below.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.


  1. Fat Tony says:

    I don’t understand all the hype surrounding Barnaby… he’s not the first Kiwi to come over here, take our jobs, have his way with a local bird and spend the rest of his days sponging of government.

    • upagumtreeperson says:

      Oh, that’s a bit harsh. I know some Kiwis and the’re OK. Pollies are a breed like taxi drivers a law unto them selves. Barnaby has not done anything wrong just had a bit on the side..front..whatever. All good pollie fun. I am not a Kiwi but like them.

    • Boho63 says:

      Very harsh and untrue re comments on Kiwis. They cannot access welfare unless they are citizens of this country. They have to support themselves which they do or they go home. We know quite a few that have bought homes and contribute happily to the tax man and they also contribute to the NDIS scheme without ever being able to access it. There are many that have Australian partners and children.

      • The Magpie says:

        The ‘Pie is always mystified when anyone takes ‘slurs’ against Kiwis either seriously or as more than banter. As an Australian now approaching the 34th anniversary of his 39th birthday, The ‘Pie has never seen Kiwis as anything but ‘us’ with a different accent. Except when its Bledisloe Cup time, of course.

        • Achilles says:

          Problem is the incorrect translation of Aotearoa, which is usually Land of the long white cloud.
          But the correct translation is Land of the wrong white crowd.

        • Grumpy says:

          Boho – should be boo hoo. It’s a fucking joke, you humourless dick.

          If you have ever been to NZ, you would know that they torment Aussies just enthusiastically as we do them.

          Don’t ya just love this vicarious offence.


  2. Cantankerous but happy says:

    As a National Party person myself I am extremely disappointed in old Barnaby, not that I give a toss who pokes who but in this case his complete lack of judgement and letting his little head rule his big head, I have seen it happen too often with weak minded men and that is the crux of the matter, he is now seen as a pissweak human being, and as you say Pie the fact that he has bought the woman into the family home will have many in the conservative side of the party raising their eyebrows, he is now nothing but a distraction, if only he had read the party handbook on appropriate behaviour and rented one for an hour two when required everyone including his daughters wouldn’t be dragged through all this.

  3. Alacan says:

    independence on a board of directors of a parastal company of this nature within a labour aligned council in a labour controlled state .. Is it likley they will give Orwellian ground away?

  4. The Magpie says:

    The’Pie doesn’t get it … Clive Palmer is suing Jenny Hill, who called him a ‘white collar criminal’. OK but’s he suing her for?

    Seems the Courier doesn’t get it either. The paper’s headline has HER suing HIM.

    Sloppy as … usual.

    • Tas says:

      Perhaps he is suing her for flattery. White collar criminal is about the kindest description I’ve heard of Clive lately.

      • Alahazbin says:

        They found Mensic or however it’s spelt in Bulgaria.
        But AFP have no interest of in extradition because he is not wanted on any criminal charges.
        What’s that about ‘White collar crime’

    • Memory Man says:

      Clive’s law suit against the Mullet is a political godsend for her. It’s a distraction from her failures, it has the potential to set her up as a “victim” (always good when you’re under the hammer) and what’s better is that the ratepayers’ will have to pick up the tab.

      The sad tale of course comes after much better times. Remember when our Jen flew to Brisbane in October 2015 to plead / demand the State does everything it could to keep the refinery going? She had tears in her eyes. (She’d actually met Clive a few times during 2015 when QNI was clearly experiencing cash flow pressures. She’d known of the impending problems.)

      So off she went to the State’s Capital … ready to talk tough and plead the case. Well, things didn’t quite go to plan. Despite her deep reservoir of political capital (chuckle, chuckle) she was sent back North with tail between legs. She fronts the media with her new George St-instructed lines. She was beginning the first of many back-peddles (we’ve seen a bunch more since.)

      Then, in her wisdom, she decided to set the council’s lawyers onto Clive for QNI’s unpaid rates, threatening to confiscate the property and refinery assets and flog them. Oops. She realised that council could be stuck with an asset (and associated liabilities) that it was totally ill-equipped to deal with. (Actually, a pedant would remind us that the liabilities one speaks of were a direct result of the “chain of responsibility” law changes pushed through by the Labor government, and which were so warmly greeted by the likes of the Mullet. She actually didn’t have much of a clue then.)

      Result? No deal. Another back peddle ensues.

      To add insult to injury, the Mullet then gets on her high horse calling on Clive to sell the refinery … even though she knew full well that the liabilities that her own council lawyers were (sensibly) frightened by would make it almost impossible for any sane person to buy the refinery. All this did was show the world what kind of a business head our Dear Leader actually has.

      As they say, the rest is history …

    • J.B says:

      Maybe the litigation is for plagiarism? Im pretty sure one of them is a white collar criminal,
      Oh wait…

  5. Sandgroper says:

    What a shame Larry Pickering’s work is no longer featured in mainstream media because he has a unique ability to scratch the scabs off political sores.
    His cartoon on the ‘Barnaby Affair’ is a true classic with some hilarious nuances, my favourites being the reference to Shorten’s waste bin and yappy Baby Derryn.
    Regular visits to The Pickering Post are recommended for all who like their humour with a touch of acid.

    • Sandgroper says:

      Upon reflection, the humour’s not always acidic. Sometimes just a little tart — rather like Tanya Plibersek’s comments this morning on ‘The Insiders.’

  6. Gonzo says:

    Pie, Good profile of Vikki Campion. In a sea of media frenzy, the first piece I’ve read which paints her in a good light. A vivacious journalist who likes to have fun. I can see why you liked her, and why you can’t quite understand what she saw in Barnaby. It could be love actually. Great blog, as usual.

    • The Magpie says:

      Thanks as always Gonzo … No, Vikki was one of the ‘kids’ of the newsroom, the party animals, and The ‘Pie was a fairly solitary and certainly much older bird, just happy to have a bit of young life around him. But as older journos, we have both witnessed the effect power has on those less powerful, both male and female – exhibit 1 is that grubby catty little queen Ashby as an example of the worst kind. So who did the seducing remains none of our business, but one thing is for, power seduced Vikki one way or the other.

      Hey, on other matters, how many more sleeps before the mighty Swans are flying high again.

      • Catch 22 -The Generals WAC scene says:

        There is Monty Python, Yes Minister/PM and stuff to chose from but after seeing that “Ogle and out” pic of Barnaby -this clip takes the expressive cake . Its from the Alan Arkin film from the Joseph Heller Book “Catch 22″ on youtube especially begining at 1:22 min https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHCZeORmxw4

  7. Alacan says:

    Finally .. the maintenance hungry clump palms along woolcock street central medians are being removed .. keep it going chaps and chapets .. to other medians throughout this burg .. nothing is lost in amenity and allocation of resources is saved .. through possible reduction in numbers and/or reallocation.

  8. Memory Man says:

    Wow, if this is the case nationally, I wonder how low things are in Townsville and the public’s general attitude towards Walker Street, TEL and the Gilded Few.

    I suspect the Townsville situation would make the national picture look pretty rosy.


    • The Third Reader says:

      Interesting read and certainly no surprises the we don’t trust any of those organisations quoted. If politicians collectively concentrated on the jobs that we entrusted them to do, rather than lying and dodging and spinning their way to the next election, obediently doing as their Masters above direct, instead of what the people they represent actually want, we might learn to trust again. Their main efforts seem to be aimed at guaranteeing their snouts stay in the troughs. I can’t hold my breath that long.

      From the same piece I found this sentence apt as well.

      “The Australian people see government, and our national politics generally, much as the onlookers in the signature scene from the movie Alien do. “From a human form bursts forth a shrieking monster and merciless killer, unrecognisable, repugnant, utterly alien to the lives and the hopes of the Australian people.”” Now if we changed the word Australian to Townsville……

  9. upagumtreeperson says:

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with News Corp selling advertising into a swimming feature. Commendable. However I would like to see News Corp initiate an actual SOS campaign by lobbying State and Territory Governments to establish Learn-To-Swim Campaigns. I participated in the Herald-Sun Learn-To-Swim Campaign between 1953 to 1955 while at school in Melbourne. The program was supported by the Victorian Government, Education Department and assorted cohorts. I learned to swim, dive, float, duck-dive and to rescue and resuscitate another person. Years later, I did manage to drag a friend from the family pool after an alcohol induced attempt at swimming lengths of the pool underwater while intoxicated. My rescue skills kicked in. And that fellow readers is the warning: alcohol and water do not mix. News Corp has the opportunity to now initiate such a program. Will it come to pass?

    • The Magpie says:

      Agree with your basic point, but the ‘Pie’s problem as a journo trained in another universe innately believes front pages are for the most important news of the day, and not as a bargaining chip for advertisers for a virtue-signalling campaign … and it would be hard to convince anyone that there wasn’t something more important, relevant and immediate on that day that any one of those papers could’ve reported on in their patch. The front page impact at that point in time was pointless and wasted. But then again, being all in Murdoch stable, maybe not, maybe they were fresh out of cats up trees, brave moppets valiantly battling against some disease, or calves with three heads.

      • upagumtreeperson says:

        I see your point Magpie. Must have been a slow news day, eh! However, the saving of lives via how to swim campaign must be of some interest to News Corp and their readers. The media should be seen as the benevolent providers of program that must enhance the lives of their readers, listeners or viewers.
        It is not all about money but about serving the readership such as enhancing and saving lives.

  10. upagumtreeperson says:

    I do not get the Townsville Bulletin or any newsprint because I can often get the news I want free via my mobile, ABC News on-line, National, State, and local radio and TV. The answer to gain more readers is to scrap the cost of subscription to paid on-line and newspaper purchases. Scrap printed papers and allow FREE on-line access to all news publication. The advertisers will be encouraged to advertise because the material reaches into more people’s lives electronically. The day of the printed newspaper is like the Dodo. Dead.

  11. Miss Lou says:

    The immaculate conception occurred on the Deputy’s Parliamentary desk at 12:05pm?

    (Watching the footage of Campion devouring a chocolate coated strawberry sums up this scribe’s ego.)

    Always good,
    Always entertaining.

    Yours Sincerely,

    Miss Lou.

  12. The Stockman says:

    Seems TCC think its funny when one of our stock drowns in the ocean. Bet if this was a whale or dolphin their wouldn’t be any jokes?
    Livex is friggin furious but TCC refuse to take the post down.
    Deadset pinheads these people. Apparently now farmers don’t matter either?


    ***UPDATE*** The deceased cow has now been removed from the beach.

    Holy cow Batman!

    Please be aware a deceased cow has washed up on The Strand beach – near the Rockpool. Our team are working to have this animal removed as quickly as possible however in the meantime, please keep your children and family at a safe distance.

    Share this post to let your friends know about this, too.

    RIP cow. She was taken from us too soon. One share = one love.

  13. Honkers says:

    Rearguard Action time …

    … our bastions of corporate welfare are going through their death throws, and the sight ain’t pretty. Notwithstanding the tortured prose of the headline and first paragraph (note to editor: it’s not the mine that’s meant to reap the benefits, it’s the region that’s meant to reap the benefits of the mine), it’s pretty sad to see publicly-paid mouthpieces wheeled out to do a Billionaire’s Bidding.

    Actually on second thoughts, the tortured prose might actually be a subliminal telegraph of what the Billionaire actually thinks: that with public gifts his mine (and tax haven-registered bottom line) will do the reaping.

    • The Magpie says:

      The ‘Pie will take this opportunity to make a couple of observations. Describing someone who is in fact simply a sponger off the public tit (and the hapless membership of TEL) as a’key city leader’ is an insulting joke that sums up the perceptions of The Bulletin and the Gilded Few. Ms O’Callaghan is by all reports a likeable and friendly, responsive person with, as most put it ‘the gift of the gab’. But ‘key city leader’? Anyone care to list any solid achievements of her ‘leadership’ … don’t think to hard, your brain will hurt.

      And the other thing most commented on by both sides of the gender divide … Ms O’Callaghan seems to relish the lens, and every pic is a pose (see above), there has not been a single image of her with metaphorically her sleeves rolled up and actually working, posed as such a pic may be. never seen one of her at a desk, for instance, or in a meeting with staff. (You can bet there will be one soon now that that’s been said). But The ‘Pie’s point here is that somewhere between Little Patty and Mayor Mullet lies the truth about responsible representation of a city … on the one hand, megawatt smiling and posing like a wannabee fashion model is an OTT misunderstanding of getting a serious message across, whereas on the other, the mayor doesn’t seem to think that she has a responsibility as our public representative to present herself as other than a thin-lipped, tangled haired fright bat harridan who refuses to move up a dress size or two so as not to look frowzy. Ms O’Callaghan also doesn’t directly lie, usually by the sin of omission … the mayor couldn’t say yes or no without one wondering about it.

    • Dearie Me says:

      Yet another typo for the bullsheet.
      The e is in the wrong place..

  14. The Magpie says:

    Checking the Guardian’s headline summary, couldn’t make out if these were separate stories or two about the same subject.

  15. BARNaby says:

    Jeeze folks, I think I’m done for! The court of public opinion might win on this one and it probably won’t pass the pub test either me thinks. Oh well, might be able to call in a few favours and score a gig in the private sector? Time will tell.

  16. Sandgroper says:

    My Canberra sources say Barnaby is a bit bemused about the fallout from his affair. He thought it would be greeted with a pregnant silence.

    Whatever happens, the stone-throwers had better be careful because some of them are known to be living in glass houses.

    • Grumpy says:

      From Gillard for whom – unbelievably as it may seem – Emmerson left his wife to Kernot and her school kid and back again.

      And how’s about the the Weatherill- Wong love in? Look what happened to her.

      • The Magpie says:

        Kernot? Wasn’t that the self-regarding preener Gareth Evans? The ‘Pie has obviously missed something. And Whyalla Wipe-out Emmerson? Sorry, totally lost.

        • Grumpy says:

          Kernot, a schoolteacher, had an affair with a former student – she admitted the affair, but said that it happened after the kid left school (that makes it perfectly OK, then). The student says otherwise.

          Kernot was described as “having the morals of an alley cat on heat”. Evans lied to parliament about their relationship – which Laurie Oakes eventually revealed he knew.

          Between 2003 – 2005 Gillard had a relationship with Craig Emerson when they were both sitting MPs. The relationship destroyed Emerson’s marriage and his family of three young children. The affair was common knowledge in the cloisters at the time and Gillard herself has never attempted to deny it. She dumped him just after he left his wife for her. Nice.

          Poisonous Penny Wong’s university days relationship with The Big Sleaze Weatherill continues to this day – probably not with the same level of intimacy, but they are both bullies and thugs.

        • Alahazbin says:

          As I became politically aware from a teenager on, there have been a few pollies that have low standards. Starting with Harold Holt. Bob Hawke wasn’t too discreet. The Evans/Kernot link up. Both Billy McMahon & Keating both end up batting for the other side. Then we have Shorten & Tony Bourke. As a few on here have said as well as Julie Bishop. “People in glass houses”

  17. Cynical Cricket says:

    Hey there Magpie,
    What’s your email address as I have photographic proof that the water crisis is over.

  18. Sir Ossis O'Fliver says:

    Something wrong here.
    I think 100 odd comments have gone missing?
    Or I did drink the whole carton!

  19. Mangrove Jack says:

    Noticing the photo and comments about Little Patti by Honkers, I had picked up a copy of the latest “Success” magazine, mainly for a look at the article on Chris Morris of the Ville, only to also see 2 articles about TEL, both of which had photo’s of Little Patti in the same outfit and in the same photo portrait style.

    It got me wondering, I know she replaced David Kippin officially in Feb 2015, after his contract was terminated by the TEL Board, so 3 years on as CEO of TEL, when does her contract come up for renewal, does anybody know ??

    • Kenny Kennett says:

      Nah she’s acting CEO and a second grade actor at that. She’s got more chance of pulling Tom Cruise than a successful outcome together.
      Three years on, at least $360k in her wages down the gurgler and still nothing of substance. Jenny the Dill should send the hard rubbish collector trucks to Wishing Well house.

  20. No more dredging says:

    Just noticed that the TBulletin has published a reader accessible (no paywall) item more or less dissing the Adani project – a complete about face from Tony Raggatt’s opinion piece of just days ago. Seems like the jobs thing has upset NewsLtd’s usual suspects and they’ve had enough. Ooaahh.

  21. Cantankerous but happy says:

    Great timing Pie in regards to your piece about the sock puppet at TEL, In amongst the absolute shit the astonisher is pumping out supporting the failing Mullet and sock puppet at TEL about the economy turning around and the “ green shoots of recovery” comes some sobering numbers revealing the absolute depths the Townsville economy has sunk. In January 2018 Townsville council received just 28 dwelling approvals for the entire month, an absolute fucking disaster, to put it in perspective dwelling approvals in January since 2014 have been , 86,88,90, 34,39 and now 28 and a 12 month rolling average since 2014 are 111, 105, 94, 76’ 59, 57. We are effectively at junk status levels in regards to building activity, but all we get are just lies from Walker St and those parasites down at the Dudley’s sucking up their salaries and delivering fuck all for for the ratepayers of this city and members of TEL who have been sucked in to paying money to these dickheads to fail at every turn.

    • Mike Douglas says:

      Contagorus, unemployment is down, rental vacancies down, Townsville Port setting records,interest in Commercial property very positive,air port traffic+ 8% last reading and one item on the dashboard trending down, dwellings and the sky is falling.Many of the businesses I network with are at full capacity whereby other sectors are struggling.”Who moved my cheese”.Always room for improvement but it’s very rare that all kpi,s align.

      • Rusty Nail says:

        Love to see those port records, Mike, given QNI’s demise.

        • Mike Douglas says:

          Rusty, Port container traffic up over 60% due to over 6,000 containers of solar panels, motor vehicles + 40%, molasses + 22%,sugar +5% + 18 cruise ships in 2018.All info just Google it!.More export trade to China.Bunnings stuff I believe comes into our port as well.

          • The Magpie says:

            Crumbs, don’t doubt you but we can’t be doing too badly if in the pastyear or so, there’s been a 40% increase in vehicle arrivals. Someones buying, so someones got cash (unless we’re exporting them … yeah right.)

          • Sam1 says:

            18 cruise ships for 2018. Cairns has 62 for the same period.

          • The Magpie says:

            That’s one stat that makes The Magpie sigh with relief … relief from the embarrassment of having visitors subjected to the death walk down Flinders Street old mall area. Depressing for them, but doubly depressing watching them being depressed and bewildered.

      • Cantankerous but happy says:

        You must be a car salesman’s dream Mike Douglas, don’t worry about the Kia Rio badge, it’s really a Mercedes AMG, what a bargain!. To simply return to a point we were 8-10 years ago is not good news in anyone’s eyes except you obviously, pax traffic at TAPL has only just returned to 2011 numbers, a roaring success in your eyes, unemployment is 7.1% but to you that is a good result compared with the horrible 3.9% in 2008 numbers and more than 10,000 jobs less than 2010 when we had a total workforce of 121,000 people, talk about being easily pleased. I am about to prepare the last quarter forecast for the CEO, any chance of me putting through figures from 8- 10 years ago, not fucking likely unless I want to join the long list of unemployed in this town, talk about dillusional.

        • Mike Douglas says:

          Cantankerous, businesses adapt and operate in the conditions they are given.i don’t need to reply with jives and sarcastic comments.Quote from Warren Buffett, “ The Stockmarket is a device for transferring money from the impatient to the patient” and that applies to business in Townsville.May I suggest you network with some of the people that are making deals and growing the business.If not I respect your comments but things certainly arnt the doom and gloom you promote.

  22. Memory Man says:

    Our poor little Patty graced the pages of the August Record of Daily Happenings. She was also on 4BC over the weekend, auditioning for a vacancy in Matt Canavan’s office. She did a sterling job, and should be rightfully proud to sticking to script. Pity for her and the Mullet is that the rest of the country is now laughing at them. This is the news.com.au home page a few minutes ago

    … when Rupert starts to laugh at you …

    • Honkers says:

      The AP terminal is operating at way below capacity. It was a deliberate decision by Adani to clear capacity for Carmichael coal. That’s what they had to tell the government and potential founders … namely that they could get the coal out. But cuts to volume have smashed revenues, impacting on debt servicing capacity and underling asset value. Global ratings agencies have red flagged this reality. The problem Adani have is that if they increase volumes, they reduce capacity for Carmichael, making that project further unviable.

  23. Memory Man says:

    This one slipped through the censor’s net … that’s the “problem” with syndicated digital news platforms, masquerading as local news bureaus. I just saw this on the Bulletin site, linked direct to a story – not behind the pay wall – clearly written for a national audience.

    The laugh is the Mullet saying Adani must do something by August … why August? No-one knows. She sure as hell wouldn’t know. Given her rush to fund the airstrip why are we now having to wait this long? Surely when she supped at Adani’s table in India, and then decided to fund the airstrip, she would have some idea as to when things might actually happen (or not, as the case may be).

    It goes to show how shoddy her due diligence was before signing over $18.5m of ratepayers’ money. Scarier is that it shows how desperate people make poorly informed decisions about other people’s money. She simply cannot be left in charge of the public purse.


    • The Magpie says:

      Ya just gotta love the limp line in there from mayor Mullet, who told the reporter that adani had better start ‘within six months, or face an erosion of trust’.

      Ya reckon? This blithering idiot woman is as sharp as a bowling ball and as up with it as button-up boots.

  24. The Magpie says:

    Hello, what’s this?

    Rumours around of dark doings down at the Museum of Tropical Queensland claiming a senior staffer stood down and replaced amid stories of doctored company documents. Some even claim that police have laid charges.

    Might not be true (came from a pretty good source though) but it might get The Astonisher off its arse and check around.

    Anyone know anything?

  25. Honkers says:

    Well, what can I say? The confidence index has “nosedived”. This is not surprising because eventually business have to operate in the world of reality not confected headlines and press release fantasies.

    Here’s a memorable quote from the Bullsheet: “The stadium isn’t the answer to all our city’s woes but it’s certainly a good sugar hit to buoy the market and improve that area.”

    Really? Gee, having had the “the stadium is the one catalyst” crap forced down our necks for years by Walker St and the Gilded Few, we’re now informed that it’s not much more than a “good sugar hit”.


    • The Magpie says:

      FFS what sort of empty-headed hypocrisy is that iditorial .. dissing Adani and the water pipeline project is simply a day late and a dollar short, but the exhortation to stop seeking funding and get other projects up and going is simply little-girly claptrap … trying to pretend to be a grown up in mummy’s lippy and high heels. Nary a positive suggestion about how this could happen, just a bunch of virtue-signalling words, and the thought of anything much happening around here without a hand-out is heretical. Especially for the mendicant Bulletin, who has helped the whole populace (well, the tiny portion that reads the paper) believe they are totally entitled to have their metaphorical arses wiped by government, which should stump up for everything. And the mayor is in the thrall of a distant and uncaring Labor hierarchy.

      The slogan Can Do is reviled for obvious politically historical reasons, but it sure as hell shows that in its ordinary meaning, it has been repudiated at all levels of endeavour around this burg.

      Poor fella, my city.

  26. Wake Up Sleepyhead says:

    Poor old Raggers… a quick tour through an office and he’s sold. He suspends critical judgement when the region desperately needs real analysis. Adani haven’t been able to get finance. Its story on jobs keeps changing, and it has never successfully defended the CEO’s observations that the mine’s future is fully autonomous. Raggers needs to ask the questions. Instead, he’s been suckered by a cheap PR stunt.

    Incidentally, one may ask: why would Adani keep going with the pretence if it can’t raise the funds? Answer: without the prospect of Carmichael going ahead, however slim, its financial deck of cards around its debt-ridden, under-utilised Abbot Point facility, comes crashing down. Hence the office in Townsville. Any business journalist worth his salt would be across this.


    • The Magpie says:

      Time to re-visit an old movie, mate.
      You write
      Quote: ‘Scores of people, over three floors and some 3000sq m of office space, are sitting at modular desks, tapping away on keyboards, talking on telephones and writing on white boards.’

      Have you ever seen The Sting, Raggers? Just change the Redford/Newman conmen into Adani executives and Aussie authorities (especially our mayor) into the Robert Shaw character, and you have the real story you should’ve written.

      • Sandgroper says:

        Isn’t it great fun to see the rats scuttle off the sinking ship? Hopefully, there are no ratepayers’ funds already locked in Captain Adani’s safe (haven, that is).

    • Rusty Nail says:

      Are you really saying Abbot Point is stuffed if Carmichael doesn’t happen? Suggest you drive down there and look at the line-up for coal out to sea.

      • The Magpie says:

        Don’t think its been suggested that a lack of product is the problem, seems Adani needed to hoodwink its lender for more time because they can’t meet an upcoming due payment, and wanted to seek more time on the basis of the Carmichael goodies starting to flow.

      • No more dredging says:

        Rusty Nail, not sure the “line up” at sea tells you much. A few months ago I sailed through/past Hay Point near Mackay. There were 30+ coal carriers anchored off the coal loading facility. It appears that some of these vessels had been there for weeks, waiting for a load, but only if the price was right. They aren’t queued up waiting for the loading infrastructure to get to them, they’re just hanging, waiting for a wheeler/dealer somewhere to accept a price. If the price isn’t right they just wait and wait. There’s no other job to go to.

        • Grumpy says:

          True. Commodity trading with the futures market are strange cattle (see what I did there?).

          Mate of mine was a senior officer on a huge tanker. After collecting a full load of oil in the Middle East, they headed off to Japan. Ownership of the oil changed four times during the voyage, as did the final destination. What was a six week voyage turned into nearly three months, almost entirely at sea.

  27. BARNaby says:

    Hmm, I’ve got more holes in me than a Bhagdad building under fire, BUT, I’m holding firm and parliament question time today was much better than yesterday!

    Getting stronger by the day actually – I think some of them are starting to feel sorry for me and then there’s the glass house mob who are probably shitting bricks! Wonder what the next week or so will bring???

  28. Alex DeLarge says:

    Electoral Commissioner suspended. Last of the LNP appointees gone.

  29. Doxie says:

    Who pays for the Sydney lawyer engaged to represent the family of the man who died in police custody in Townsville on Sunday?

    • Grumpy says:

      Who do ya reckon?

      • Doxie says:

        I have no idea – that’s why I asked. Sorry, not as savvy as most of the commentors on this blog. Probably the tax-payers, but on whose orders/which Department/State or Federal? And why the tax-payers, if that is the case?

        • The Magpie says:

          All part of the lucrative Aboriginal Industry, which specialises in preying on its own, which Mr Levitt caught on to from his Sydney mansion around the time of the Palm Island riots. Nice little earner, but out of which piggy bank it comes, it all is taxpayer money.

          • No more dredging says:

            There’s a fair chance that all the parties in this extremely unfortunate event will be supported, one way or another, by the taxpayer. And really, would we want to have it any other way? Would we really expect that the unfortunate coppers would have to personally pick up the tab for their lawyers? I don’t think so.

          • Grumpy says:

            Once again, NMD, you have no fucking idea of what you speak. Levitt is a grandstanding ambulance chaser of dubious morality. He was a mediocre lawyer, at best, before accidental notoriety. He would be “specing” this in the hope that the government fold and reaches a confidential settlement, which would include a hefty amount for legal costs. Rumour in the profession is that he collected high-seven figures from the disgraceful Palm Island farce. His outrageous remarks to the press – before the investigation is nearly complete -are designed to put pressure on the Coroner and counsel assisting, as well as simply to get his name in the press.

            The coppers involved will have the union laywers beside them every step of the way. For free.

            It’s all about the money. First reaction to a personal and family tragedy is “what’s in it for me”.

          • Sandgroper says:

            NMD, might we assume you are either an academic or a shiny-bum ‘public servant’ who has never had to earn a crust in real life?
            Why should certain sections of the community be able to indulge in litigation, at no financial risk to themselves, while most of us have to wear the pain if things go pear-shaped?

          • No more dredging says:

            Sandgroper, there’s been a death in custody – a pretty extraordinary event in our society. The circumstances are completely opaque at this point – or have I missed something? Black, white or brindle the family is entitled to an enquiry and explanation from the state. Are you suggesting that this family, or any family for that matter, shouldn’t bother having legal representation and just turn up somewhere, Brisbane maybe, to hear what the state government tells them and then just accept whatever explanation they are given? What would your family do if you were the one who had died in custody (unlikely as that may be) and they had to pick up the pieces?

          • Sandgroper says:

            My comments were generic , NMD, but I’ll guarantee there wouldn’t be any high-priced ambulance-chaser from interstate hired to investigate the circumstances of my demise.

        • Grumpy says:

          Here we go again. Obfuscation, misdirection and vapid attempts to gain the high moral ground. Mate, you know fuck-all about this.

          They wait until until the investigation is complete and then attend the inquest and apply for legal aid for a lawyer to represent the family. Apart from the legal aid bit, that’s what my family did after the death of a child. We let the police do their job.

          They don’t play the victim with contrived and self-serving press appearances. They don’t let a vain, undignified goat of a lawyer take advantage of their misfortune and make a public spectacle of their grief for his own self-aggrandisement and greed. It’s way too early for such poncing about.

          You show a remarkable lack of knowledge about the process. I suggest you either inform yourself or shut the fuck up.

          • No more dredging says:

            Grumpy, at the beginning of this thread a commenter asked:
            “Who pays for the Sydney lawyer engaged to represent the family of the man who died in police custody in Townsville on Sunday?”
            You have unleashed a tirade which suggests that you know the answer to this question but you don’t actually answer it. You say in fact:
            “You show a remarkable lack of knowledge about the process. I suggest you either inform yourself or shut the fuck up.”
            You haven’t told us anything about “the process” of examining a death in custody in Queensland. You clearly are not informed yourself. Take your own advice.

          • Grumpy says:

            Fuckwit. Not only am I a lawyer, my own family has gone through the coronial process.

            Try and resist the temptation to gainsay and have the last word. You are embarrassing yourself.

          • The Magpie says:

            You’re replying to yourself? Think that was meant for NMD, wasn’t it?

          • Cantankerous but happy says:

            NMD you must be one seriously bored individual, just like with the dam topic last week you think everyone is here to provide you satisfactory explanations to counter your fucked up view on a topic that you clearly have no actual knowledge of, but rather a basic view of how you think something should be. They say a little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing, in your case it’s just downright annoying.

          • No more dredging says:

            Grumpy, I might well be a fuckwit but I believe that a death in custody is treated differently from other reportable deaths i.e. has extra processes attached and further that the death in custody of an Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander person has yet more additional processes – each of which most likely requires legal advice or representation. Is there something contrary about this observation?

          • Grumpy says:

            Knew you couldn’t resist.

            You should stop now.

          • The Magpie says:

            Yeah (yawn) good idea.

  30. No more dredging says:

    If you want some really robust journalism around the Joyce affair/s take a look at Michelle Grattan in today’s The Conversation and go looking for truecrimenewsweekly in the comments section at the end.

    Nationals president urges party: Don’t act hastily on Barnaby

  31. One legged tap dancer says:

    So the Mullet is now giving Adani a deadline of August to start construction.
    Two questions:
    Last week her deadline was June so why the extension?
    What will she actually do if Adani don’t get rolling by August?
    The mind boggles.
    As for Patricia Puppet, I saw her national tv interview and her english is woeful.
    Wonder how long she will last if her puppetmaster Lancini moves south.

  32. Memory Man says:

    The simpletons are at it again. Poor old Adolf Tomlinson continues to peddle simplistic nonsense. The reality is that industries that create the jobs of the future are needed. These jobs are ones that won’t disappear at the first sign of automation. The Adani boss has already let slip that for their project to even come close to stacking up, it will be fully automated. This is a massive challenge, no doubt, but harping on about meaningless blue collar / greens dichotomies helps no-one.

    Regional Queensland is a lot more than some simplistic cartoon version of Tomlinson’s blue collar worker paradise. Fact is, coal mining is a dangerous occupation. Black lung disease is back. Wilfully sending people into these kinds of working environments is grossly irresponsible. It’s just plain stupid. It’s just what you’d expect from Adolf.

    Economies change. Adapting to change is the key. Places and people that can adapt prosper. Those that don’t, wither on the vine. Just go and check out the poverty in the Appalachians or the foot hills of Wales to see just how this works. That’s the Tomlinson future.


    • The Magpie says:

      No, no, Tomlinson’s future is very soon walking across the office aisle into the Sky News office, where he hopes to be able to launch his Andrew Bolt-Lite career.

      • Cantankerous but happy says:

        Following the path of others from the astonisher, I see Ben Bogan has got himself a weekly gig as a panelist on Paul Murray live, I thought the first week someone of actual value might be sick for him to be on , but then next week there he is again, full of the same lame shit. This week we got to here his criticism of governments hiring consultants and not taking responsibility for decisions themselves, this from a man who supported the Mullet who has hired more contractors and consultants than anyone can remember, shallow hypocrite.

    • The Magpie says:

      In his kindy tantrum, Adolf says this to bolster his bleating idiocy that The Short Un has forsaken Labor regionals in favour of urban greens:
      ‘Perhaps he is banking on rusted-on Labor voters’ loyalty but the state election and the party’s federal footprint here shows that’s foolish.’

      Mr Tomlinson, where the fuck were you during the last state election … just in Townsville (do you know where the fuck that is, you blithering boofhead) we returned three of the biggest dud politicians imaginable, all Labor, and Anna Alphabet improved her parliamentary workability.

      And the federal knife-edge in the reps, with The Tool defeating the incumbent in a cliff-hanger and with Shorten the only thing not making Labor unbackable favourites at the next poll, you witter that it ‘shows that backing rusted on labor loyalists is foolish’.

      Look, we could further point things out to you, but, look, just accept the fact that your complete fuckwit who wouldn’t have his job if it wasn’t for News Corpse’s well known tendency towards nepotism and keeping idiot children in the family. How is the old fella these days? Every time someone mentions ‘beetroot’ nowadays, his crimson features come to mind.

  33. BARNaby says:

    Another reasonable question time in Parliament today – I’m up and about and taking it to the Opposition – their efforts today at personal attacks on me were weak. Ahh, things are looking up! Go me!

  34. Valentino says:

    I wish everyone a happy day today. May your efforts be recognised.

  35. WTF says:

    You know the city’s so-called leadership is stuffed when this is what they’re left with. An overcrowded jail is because there’s been zero economic leadership and non-existent social leadership. The symptoms tell of a deep seated disease.

    • The Magpie says:

      Quite so … one problem is of course the lack of social and economic leadership, because the sad truth is that jail is only a minor deterrent now. It is only marginally tougher … very marginally for most … than life in the community. Smokes cost more, you have to be a bit more furtive about drugs and alcohol, and you have to have a – shall we say – liberated attitude towards sex. Otherwise, nothing much different.

      One suggestion the hanky wringers steadfastly refuse to do and The ‘Pie still advocates, is a Scared Straight program … juvenile offenders are given tours of the adult prison, and are spared nothing about its realities, from admission, daily life and release. They could be given a tour of outback ‘tough love’ operations for, say, three time offenders, minimum three months. Opponents quote ‘studies’ in the US and elsewhere that claim these programs don’t work … every one of the studies The ‘Pie has read have been written by … ta da … the hanky wringers.

      Of course, there is the reality even if it worked 100% and the little snots determined to go straight when released from ‘juvvie’ they face the barriers of dysfunctional home life, getting a job, having something to do and something to aim at. And that is where WTF’s leadership vacuum is so accountable.

      • Dave of Kelso says:

        While we are talking about the Little Snots (LS); I have always contended that their parents, guardians, should fund their rations, clothing, toiletries, etc while the LS are in the Cleveland Youth Respite Center (CYRC). Deduct from welfare payments or whatever child allowance is being received. These costs are being met by parents, guardians, when LS is on the loose. When LS goes to the CYRC parents etc get a financial holiday as the tax payer is meeting LS daily necessities. Win, win for LS and their parents. This I say is bullshit. The parents etc should still meet their financial responsibilities for LS.

        Now there is a word that does not surface very often in this sort of discussion; ‘responsibilities’

        • The Magpie says:

          The principal is hard to fault, but the Theory of Unintended Consequences would kick in immediately. The cost of monitoring and making such deductions would be horrendous (extra staff alone would cancel out any gains), the payouts for incorrect deductions – oh, yes, we well know the CES record on that – would clog the system, costly court challenges from the hanky wringers, particularly in the aboriginal industry, would make your eyes water, and of course, with a shortfall in family income from the public tit, guess who’s going to skulk around to make ‘ends’ – drugs, smokes, alcohol -meet.

          They’ve got us by the balls.

    • Grumpy says:

      it would be cheaper to build, more practical to our needs and used by a lot more people than Lancini stadium.

  36. Memory Man says:

    Why oh why do they have to be so pathetically predictable?

    The headline screams “we deserve” … sounds like spoilt brat syndrome. Patty at Enterprise House is apparently “disappointed”. Now, get ready folks for a confected, trumped up campaign of “we deserve / we’ve been so hard done by” to distract us from the city’s total lack of real leadership and to warm the cockles of our hearts.

    Folks, taxpayers across the country have tipped in a quarter of a billion large ones for a stadium that will lose money hand over fist. The Dudley Do Nothings and the Bullsheet Idioters told us that was all that was needed to get the city going. What a farce.

    The NRL saw the idiots from NQ coming a mile away, suckered the Bogan Mayor into championing a money-loser that would only benefit the … oh, you guessed it, the NRL (think TV rights and advertising) and the usual grab bag of land-owners cum developers, and then embarked on a national market building strategy which has taken the SOO to another State Capital.

    We get exactly what we “deserve” because the idiocracy that runs the town keep begging for all the wrong things …

    • The Magpie says:

      Make that ‘ineptocracy’.

      And while the idea of a SOO match to mark the opening of the stadium … perhaps not on the day or even the year … isn’t an outrageous idea, this whinging entitled attitude encouraged by a reviled local newspaper and a politically panicked fright-bat mayor is counter=productive. Townsville doesn’t ‘deserve’ anything and the NRL has every right to resent the suggestion that it is being niggardly towards NQ (really read Townsville) … the boot is firmly on the other foot, with the NRL’s recognition of the need for and licensing of a NQ team bringing valuable dollars throughout the winter to the community. Both current and new stadiums are massive money losers propped up by taxpayers money.

  37. The Magpie says:

    All aboard for the latest ride you’re to be taken on.

    This is a prize piece of legally required nonsense, because you can bet your left one (you lost your right one on Donald Trump) this position has already been filled. It will be either another of yesterday’s Laborite’s owed a favour, or perhaps even TCC media goof Anthony Simpleton, who has sought more money. Who knows? But The ‘Pie loves those bits about the coordinator has to ensure that the TCC … the MOST opaque, red-tape bound, obfuscationist crowd fine tuning non-transparency techniques (Airstrip anyone, perhaps a Development Corporation?) … has an informed and participating community.

    • WTF says:

      The Wallies in the Walker St Bunker are calling for reinforcements. When reality gets away from you, the scoundrel resorts to spin. What else does the Mullet and her Gormless Gang have left?

    • Sandgroper says:

      FFS! A competent leader is certainly needed for the incredibly bloated and inept team of turd-polishers at the TCC.
      Sadly, nobody of quaiity will apply because any association with this dysfunctional council would amount to professional suicide.

    • Cynical Cricket says:

      At least that position was openly advertised.

      This one I only found by accident on the tphumancapital website:
      General Manager Future Cities
      Townsville City Council

      Is this so that Mayor Mullet can plead ignorance as to who’s selected as they were recommended by TP Human Capital?

      • Ronny Righteous says:

        Fair dinkum, there’ll soon be more petty bosses than real workers with meaningful jobs.
        TCC is becoming a sheltered workshop with incompetent, unqualified Labor Party hacks in executive positions who need extra staff to do the jobs for which they are being handsomely paid.

      • Dearie Me says:

        Hmmmm… I had heard that the Future Cities GM role was already earmarked for an Inga Davis who with the Impaler was responsible for not delivering the $10M in water saving rebates to the city. She then moved from that role to Chief Mullet Whisperer.

  38. Footy Fan says:

    That Mayor Mullet even thought she had a chance of getting a State Of Origin game in a stadium that can hold just 25,000 fans shows how out of touch she is with reality.
    Even with a new stadium, Townsville will never compete with the capital cities for the really big events simply because without 40,000 plus bums on seats you’ve got no hope.
    If you apply the Mullet’s logic, Ingham should be pushing for its own NRL team.
    What we should be pitching for is a rugby league test match.
    If the Mullet wanted to have a chance of getting an Origin game in Townsville she should have ensured that the new stadium could hold a crowd of 40,000-50,000.
    Another Mullet failure.

  39. Alahazbin says:

    So which is it? The ‘Fat Fool’. aka Palmer announced on ABC radio that he is not going to reopen QNI at Yabulu, but rather enjoy the millions of dollars from Minerology.
    But the Astonisher has him suing Puddleduck and one of her ministers over some 48 year agreement so as to allow him to reopen Yabulu Refinery.
    It’s about time that Qld Nickel Act was rescinded and everybody can take a nap.

  40. BARNaby says:

    Hah, end of the parliamentary fortnight and I’m still the Deputy PM – Turbull won’t sack me – he can’t! And some of those stone throwers in the Opposition can get fu..k… How dare they – what about that crud Shorten – at least I wasn’t accused of rape for goodness sake! And Tony Burke (by name and nature) – he’s poked more staff than a log fire in winter!

    Hmmm, a paid week off to recharge and refocus – what a great job I have – it just keeps on giving!

  41. The Magpie says:

    Stop being so precious, Snowflake, thumb sucking ain’t a good look. Ho thumb.

    • Old Hack says:

      Barnaby just doesn’t get it. His shit-eating grin while the PM was announcing his ‘leave of absence’ next week made it look like he thought the whole thing was a big joke.
      Even if he doesn’t mean it, a serious demeanour and a touch of contrition would go some way towards persuading the public that he’s not just a randy old shit who cares about nobody but himself.

  42. Critical says:

    And the Co-ordinator of Communications reports to the screaming midget so it will be another of his ALP card carrying cronies who gets thr job.

  43. One legged tap dancer says:

    Any doubt that Channel 7 has done an advertising for comment deal with Mayor Mullet went out the window with last night’s local news bulletin.
    It was the Mullet Show – all positive news of course including a what-if story that Townsville is poised to become the lithium battery capital of Australia IF the planned factory promoted with gusto by the Mullet is built.
    A bold prediction by Channel 7 and the Mullet considering the proponents are yet to do a feasability study on the project yet.
    I’ve been watching both Ch 7 and WIN local news for the past couple of weeks and WIN is doing a much better job of covering “local” news and telling both sides of every story.
    On the other hand 7 panders to the Mullet, protects Adani, and runs stories from all over the State, thinly disguised as “local” news.

  44. Cantankerous but happy says:

    An interesting article in the latest BD mag Pie, an interview with Numbskull Gill and a few others about the Townsville economy with all the usual excuses but an entire paragraph under the heading, “ Is negative talk the reason we are struggling” of which Gill has the following take on a “toxic” cycle of social media and those feeding off it harming our city, he then goes on to say, “ those types of people are just negative and not representative of Townsville, they may look representative because it’s easy and anonymous, but we need to switch off from that. Reasonable complaints and feedback is fine but this horrid stuff is too toxic to let in”. Sounds to me like they have all been to a Mullet and Dwarf spin session about trying to discredit any criticism of the current group of no hopers running the place.

    • The Magpie says:

      Nice to be acknowledged. The ‘Pie would be most interested to know Gill’s definition of ‘reasonable complaints and feedback’ … presumably anything that masks the truth of inept power plays at self-interested gain that are crippling this city in the short, medium and long term. More tomorrow.

      • Tangerine says:

        Gill’s doing a bit of work on his airport donga. It must be my 25 bucks a night to park the clunker funding that – not my Qantas ticket surcharge. But of course the short lived number plate recognition to get out of the carpark fast has failed. Why hasn’t THAT been fixed Mr Gill? It’s the little things that add up!

        And are you awake at night trying to work out how to keep the airport as an international destination? Now that the Jetstar/Bali route is about to go away (is there a more punishing flight schedule than that one? No wonder it SUX!) leaving that tourist mecca of PNG as the last international route flying, it’s looking very sad for you. Poor man. Poor us.

        The disgruntled keyboard warriors of Brownsville are sick of watching our city crumble into the dust of another painfully dry wet season while the political elite keep offering thought bubbles. We simply have to look at Cairns vs Townsville Airports to see we are going to be left waaayyy behind in vital infrastructure that really matters. Cranes everywhere in Cairns. Building stuff that is truly useful to their economy. New thinking from Cairns Council and developers – a city that’s alive and looking forward to the future. A bit like Townsville about 10 years ago.

        • The Magpie says:

          Tut tut tut, don’t you know it’s toxic and negative to say such things, Mr Gill will be after you with tin snip s and nipple clamps hooked up to a battery if you keep it up. Just reasonable complaints, like ‘why hasn’t Kevin Gill been put up for sainthood, it’s a scandal?’

          Get the idea.

          • Tangerine says:

            Bird, there is constructive criticism in my critique! Not meant to be (too) toxic!

            “It’s the little things that add up!”. That’s the main message. The city “leaders” have lost their collective ability to get the small things done properly. That’s what would give them the right to announce their dreams, not the other way around. And that’s the problem.

            Like …. Congratulating the residents for water restraint when we are in a drought cycle is a good thing and should be applauded – a green shoot. But go a small step further … Deploying smart water meters so residents can daily monitor their usage and set personal goals should be a basic infrastructure project – cost around $10 million to do it properly. Massive payback to the city – water wastage quickly identified, much better use of big $ water infrastructure projects as the baseline is properly measured.

            But the current leaders are only capable of leaving the city’s fate to others like Adani, Qantas, NRL, Qld Labor, etc. And they don’t give a rat’s arse for Townsville. The sooner we wake up to this and take control of our own future the better for all.

          • The Magpie says:

            Well said that man … ‘The city “leaders” have lost their collective ability to get the small things done properly. That’s what would give them the right to announce their dreams, not the other way around. And that’s the problem’.

            … one of the wisest comments (no sarcasm, The ‘Pie means it) to grace this blog in recent times.

          • Grumpy says:

            $10 Million?

            Christ, I could buy an aging, B grade celebrity ex-stripper for that!

          • Dave Nth says:

            Sorry doing well then lost me at the smart meters that we will pay for like Victorian electricity customers did. Next will be our water allocation, Hill has tried in the past. From someone who has been through this user pays BS with water, privatisation of electricity; will save us money etc in the southern states I can tell you this mob & any future mob are completely untrustworthy. The prices will rise so why give them another revenue stream to waste…

  45. Alex DeLarge says:

    Which reminds me….did Jenny ever come clean on her IBM funded jaunt to Redneckistan?

    • The Magpie says:

      Oh, yes, she told the Astonisher all about it, and her regrets. Didn’t see it? Funny that.

      • Tangerine says:

        IBM wasted over $2 million on this fair city trying to bring its technology for “smart cities” up to scratch. Yes, they were commercially motivated with an eye on the water meters. But they realised too late they were dealing with self interests and frankly people in power too dumb to see the long game.

        Now it’s the turn of Optus to try and do something with Townsville’s smart city ambition. But this time our wonderful local governors have committed at least $18 million of ratepayer funds to this Singaporean bohemeth to do the job. See ya Telstra and other Australian owned technology companies. See ya local employment and intellectual property. See ya results for the long term. The situation is frankly awful for Townsville. If you own property without a 4810 postcode you’re in deep doodoo. Within, you will only be beaten by inflation.

        But there is one glimmer of light. The March 2020 local Govt election. If this opportunity is not wasted then there might be a reason to call Townsville home after all.

  46. Simon Templar says:

    Good Lord. Has everyone read that bizarre post by Loopy Linda in the Water For Old Farts Facebook page. Somehow linking Barnaby Joyce’s peccadilloes to our local water crisis?

    Dear, me. Talk about disordered thinking and self importance.

    She was wily enough to turn off comments.

  47. Keny says:

    Did you see the position for CEO for City of Darwin page 39 in the Courier Mail Friday 16th?

    • I'll be plucked says:

      As mentioned a while back – the Darwin Mayor is a former NT ALP govt minister. The Impaler will apply and we can only hope. Darwin is her well-worn old stomp. Let’s see if she has any bridges left up there!

  48. Westie says:

    So that I don’t go crazy, could I propose that next week’s blog and comments are completely free of any mention of Barnaby’s sex life.

  49. Memory Man says:

    Local Government Minister Stirling Hinchliffe will be too afraid to peel back the scabs at Walker St. After all, he and the Mullet are factional bedfellows. (As are the Impaler and the Screaming Midget.)


  50. WTF says:

    Anyone else who’d suggest this would condemned in the most confected of fashions by the Mullet, her Gormless Gang in Walker Street and the Toadies at Wishing Well House. Thurston nails reality on this issue. Will the Gormless Ones dare call him out for “betraying” the North?


  51. J jones says:

    Nice slap down from JT today saying Townsville isn’t big enough to host a State of a Origin game.
    He’s spot on.
    Take that everyone else who have absolutely no idea except to play the we waz robbed card.

  52. Sandgroper says:

    Good to see Johnathan Thurston injecting a touch of reality into the SOO debate. The dinky little Townsville stadium will be far too small for one of the country’s most important sporting events.
    Origin Two in 2019 will be played to a full house in Perth’s magnificent new, 60,000-seat stadium. This is a visionary move by the NRL to counter the AFL’s determined push into league territory and is already generating a lot of interest in WA. It will certainly gain converts to the code because we Wild Western bogans love a bit of biff.
    The NRL has also embarked on a solud advertising campaign here to persuade youngsters to try junior league.
    I know these moves are working because I have some very pissed-off mates within the AFL hierarchy

    • The Magpie says:

      Your analysis of the WA penchant for sport is witnessed by the strong support Rugby attracted, before the short-sighted bumbling bureaucracy of that hide-bound game put paid to that golden goose.

      And now, on your main, will the Townsville Bulletin please SHUT THE FUCK UP ON THIS INANE SUBJECT.
      MIind you,they’ve made a good start … no one single mention anywhere in the paper about JT’s politre rubbishing of the idiotic idea, this despite there being no less than three largish stories about Thurston is Saturday’s paper.. What exposed and incompetent hypocrites.

  53. Woodduck says:

    If the Abc is correct, then we are well and truly screwed. And here I was thinking they worked to advance the interests of the country and its citizens.
    The ABC understands both leaders agreed in the meeting that they needed to work closer together to advance the interests of the Government.

    • The Magpie says:

      Well yes, but the counter to that has always been that losers don’t legislate, so staying in power must be a priority.

      • Tangerine says:

        Why am I attracted to this blog this week? Sorry Bird edit me out if I’m too active.

        The Australian economy is going gangbusters at the moment. This pathetically unpopular Turnbull government will statistically go down in history as up there with the best Howard years. We are too tough on political personalities these days. Just about everywhere but TOWNSVILLE is in a boom cycle.

        Why? We are a rusted on Labor city. That has to change. Labor has its time in the sun and when it’s good it’s spectacular! Every now and then. But right now TOWNSVILLE needs business savvy. Keating was savvy. Can’t put my finger on another Labor economist since then.

  54. Muz says:

    Would Ms Campion be claiming baby bonus or workplace accident compo.

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