Labor Preselection Stoush in Herbert: will Mark Enders messy end also be the end of Cathy O’Toole’s bid for gravy train glory? Rules are rules … or are they?

The question must be asked, just how spooked is Cathy Curlytop O’Toole by the unexpected challenge to her preselection for Herbert? Enough to – perhaps inadvertently –break party rules, and thus become ineligible herself? The ‘Pie speculates.

And with Bentley taking a well earned weeks break, The ‘Pie has rounded up a few of Larry Pickering’s recent best.

Let’s kick off with the Bill Clinton Memorial Inhaler for Best excuse of the Year, and puffing on marijuana may have played a role.

The award goes to this grubby, unpleasant tosser.

Overnight, a French court has acquitted Dominque Strauss-Kahn, former boss of the International Monetary Fund (IMF) (‘banker’ rhymes with ???) of charges of ‘knowingly’ organizing orgies in a Paris hotel for business colleagues.

His testimony has been a test for those interested in the correct use of language, but let’s put aside his inventive coining of a new adjective ‘prostitutional’, it was his straight-faced evidence of innocence that get’s him Bill’s Inhaler.

Quoth he: ‘ I didn’t know they were prostitutes because they had no clothes on’.

That raises the question of … oh, forget it, the man’s a bloody liar of the first order. Indeed, Strauss-Kahn’s evidence reminds one of that fine pommy parliamentary exchange when an enraged Earl of Sandwich told John Wilkes that ‘one day you will either die on the gallows or of the pox,’ to which wily Wilkes replied suavely ‘That, sirrah, will depend on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress’.

But sexual matters have been in the spotlight here in Oz during the week. Particularly the tiresome hectoring by both sides on the issue of gay ‘marriage’.

A pause here for The ‘Pie’s position statement.

The old bird’s only objection is the perversion of the language; ‘marriage’ for centuries has meant one thing and one thing only. By all means, let the boys and gals have all the legal rights (and opportunity for domestic violence) of married couples – except the right to call themselves married. Just sayin’, y’know. End of pompous pontificating.

When things go wrong, same sex couples will also have the pleasure of handing over their hard earned to divorce lawyers like this crowd.

Larry Pickering and Paul Zanetti had a field day on the subject of same sex marriage, especially when linking the issue to Bill Shorten’s looming corruption debacle. The Short Un seemed to want the above legal eagles.

And Pickering in the same vein.

But Larry gave the subject another right old touch-up, so as to speak.

Zanetti reserved his greatest scorn of the week for our dizzard of a Treasurer, for whom reality apparently ends at the ACT border – where he reportedly owns several properties.

The ABC may well have lost David and Margaret, but they’ve gained Kevin and Julia. Pickering was stiletto sharp about that problems faced by that ABC program The Killing.

See more of Larry and Paul at The Pickering Post website, where Larry doesn’t muck around when giving his opinion on all manner of subjects, or at Paul’s website here.

Bentley should be back next week.

The Masons of Politics.

The ‘Pie’s dad was a life-long Mason, which promoted The ‘Pie’s fascination with arcane groupings, secret handshakes, funny aprons and semi-mystical rituals. The fascination is limited to outside observance of things like the Masons (‘We ride the billygoat up the stairs on Thursday night’s’ was Dad’s only answer when asked what Masons did at their meetings).

So The Magpie is constantly wondering about such deeply mysterious matters, like the Druids in England, the Ku Klux Klan in America, the Queensland LNP, and the strange results of the weekly Stuart Hotel meat raffle here in the ‘Ville.

But he could’ve saved a lot of time simply by joining the Labor Party and supporting a particular faction – left, right, Julia, Kev, Anna, Jackie and so on.

It’s been said here before that the ALP are great haters, but mysteriously, they reserve their greatest bile, guile and maneuvering for their own – other factions in the party. There is evidence of this being played out in Townsville at the moment, as the party faithful decide their choice of candidate to take on incumbent Dumbo Jumbo Jones in the federal seat of Herbert.

Has it been unnerving enough for Cathy ‘Curlytop’ O’Toole to throw caution to the winds and break party rules in a desperate bid to shore up her favoritism to at least get on the platform from whence the gravy trains leaves? But if so, the lovliness of all that won’t stop here, but has the potential to cause big trouble at the highest level in Brissy, too.

Here’s the story some far, up to an including the interesting events of this week.

Old stager Cathy ‘Curlytop’ O’Toole has been hanging around the head of the ALP’s jobs-for-the-girls queue seemingly forever, and was apparently quite knee-knockingly excited at the prospect of taking on Dumbo at the next federal election. She didn’t expect any serious challenge to her assumed God -given(and left faction-given) right to the nomination – she knew the perennial Mark Enders would have a futile go, but no hope, so she was happily humming ‘I Will Survive’ to herself as she merrily tripped about town, planning her assault on the conservative’s castle next year.

But then a certain Patricia ‘Little Patty’ Schluter hove into view, a former Townsville/Charters Towers gal with strong family ties to North Queensland.

She recently returned north from some heavy-hitting government positions (including in the Defence Department) ‘because Townsville is where I want my kids to grow up’. She was first an executive assistant to Mayor Mullet and then ran the three successful state campaigns for the Townsville Labor candidates earlier this year.

The ‘Pie met a very wary Ms Schluter over coffee recently and asked why she had decided to give politics ago (not that she’s too old, she’s 41 or thereabouts). She said it was the ‘democracy thing’, sparked in her when she told others (some of whom urged her to have a shot) that she was mulling it over but was told not to think about nominating, because it was Curlytop O’Toole’s turn.

‘That decided me just on the principle of it, although I have stronger reasons than that to make the effort,’ Little Patty declared, before apparently deciding that talking to The Magpie might not be a good career move in local politics, suddenly scurrying off.

So it seems she has put the fear of Jesus into the O’Toole camp (which of course is masterminded by brother-in-law and local leftie heavyweight Mike ‘Capt Snooze’ Reynolds). This lot was none to pleased when it became known that the third candidate, Mark Enders, would be giving ‘Little Patty’ his preferences in the pre-selection ballot

But suddenly a few days ago, Mr Enders had a major brain fade and suggested in effect that the faithful should select him as a potential member – in effect, because he has a member and the other two hopefuls don’t. In an email soliciting support, Enders said he should get their vote because ’I’m a man’. His argument wasn’t that outrageous or that simple, and was no attack on women’s abilities, just a debatable point that a man-on-man contest would have a better chance of success at the polls.

But when the Left sniffs blood and there’s an advantage to be had, they are lightning quick to move. On Thursday in Brisbane, the left-dominated pooh-bahs ‘excluded’ Enders from consideration because his comments ‘were against Labor Party principles.’ So the Emily Listers helped have Enders delisted, and Brisbane essentially declared in effect that ‘rules are rules’.

But here’s the interesting thing. If rules are rules, and are applied across the board without fear of favour (ha ha, Iwheeze, snurffle, The ‘Pie does break himself up sometimes), then should Cathy O’Toole also be barred from seeking office?

The ‘Pie has been getting all sorts of stuff dropped into the nest about this, and his love of things arcane led him to check out the Labor Party pre-selection rules. (They’re here, if that’s your go.)

This is what rule J10 has to say.

Part J. PLEBISCITES AND PRESELECTIONS

(10) A candidate who has been knowingly and willingly selected or endorsed by any Party unit or affiliated Union, or any section of an affiliated Union for the purpose of furthering that candidature in any selection shall not be endorsed.

So what, you cry, wooed by such poetry of politics.

Well, it’s just that in her canvassing of members, Cathy sent this letter of endorsement she had received from another member.

So that is the well-known and well liked Les Moffitt, sterling chap and all that, but does his endorsement breach any of the above rule? Maybe he isn’t linked to an affiliated union in that role (who but the initiated would have a clue), but he’s long been associated with the Rail, Tram and Bus Industry Union – could be wrong, might be Transport, but either way …

Then there’s another endorsement circularized by Cathy.

Question: does Co-convenor, Townsville Branch, Australian Labor Party rank as a Party unit? You’d surely think so, on the basis of language alone, but we are dealing with dissembling politicians here.

But here’s crunch time, and it goes well beyond ructions here in the ‘Ville.

Rule J11 is a zinger.

(11) No endorsement may be revoked and no endorsed candidate may withdraw unless found not to be qualified under the Rules, or unless such withdrawal or revocation is approved by the Administrative Committee.

If The ‘Pie is right in his conclusions, but the Labor pooh-bahs in Brisbane decide to ignore the issue, guess what? Anyone who doesn’t believe that Cathy O’Toole’s possible nomination is kosher can make a complaint — to the Queensland Electoral Commission. Not the Left dominated Party machine, but the very independent Electoral Commission, which will make a dispassionate evaluation and ruling on the facts, no matter how anyone else wants to dissemble it all.

And an adverse finding there will put one particular person under the gun, especially if he doesn’t act should The ‘Pie’s prognostications hold water. We talk of this bloke.

Evan Moorhead by name, Queensland State Secretary of the ALP, and deeply Left by nature. But Mr Moorhead, one would think, can ill afford another pre-selection cock-up, since he’s the impresario who brought us the blockbuster entertainment of domestic disaster area Billy Gordon, and then God-knows-what-he’s-done Rick Williams, both shows likely to bring down the third ring of Queensland’s three-ring circus, the government itself.

Mr Moorhead isn’t just top of the Party pile, but he also sits on the Candidate Suitability Panel, which delves into the background of wannabes, which reports to the all-powerful Administrative Committee – on which Mr Moorhead also plants his well polished bum. If it wasn’t factional deals ‘(oh, wash your mouth out, you scurrilous old bird!), then it was simply very bloody slack and no doubt ultimately expensive not to know about Gordon and Williams political frailties. But leaving aside the myriad of questions about Gordon and Williams, failure to act on any complaint regarding the Herbert pre-selection would surely be strike three.

Evan Moorhead might just be the billygoat they ride downstairs if he’s caught out.

God, life’s fun.

But no longer for Alan Bond who was finally planted this week. The’Pie thinks a most suitable floral tribute would he a few of these.

They reckon ‘say it with flowers’, and Monet couldn’t have said it better. After all, these particular Irises played a big part in his downfall – a gravesite garden of them would be a fitting memorial.

On a more somber note, it was marked here at the time the passing of Magpie mate Kevin Kitchener. But for reasons unclear to The ‘Pie, tributes and obituaries have suddenly starting appearing for this battler’s battler.

Kevin was a life-long fighter against injustice against his fellow indigenous people, and his passion in court occasionally got the better of him, as many a magistrate and judge will attest. Kevvy, as we always knew him, was a text book example of turning one’s life around. But just in case you think Kevin Kitchener was ‘just another black legal stirrer’ think again. He saw both sides of the debate. Read this from more than a two decades ago, and make up your own mind.

Vale, Kevvy.

Moving on to a cheerier note, a shaggy dog story.

A city slicker is driving around the back blocks beyond Winton and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale’.

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador sitting there.

‘You talk?’ he asks. ‘Yep,’ the Lab replies. After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so… I told ASIO.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’ ‘I was one of Australia’s most valuable spies for eight years running…

But the jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Sydney airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

‘Because he’s a liar.  He’s never been out of the yard’.

Enough now, it is away to Poseurs Bar, to see how Mongrel the barreister’s new health marketing idea is coming along. Having seen the health food line, The ‘Pie fears for its future.