Jobs Or A Footy Stadium? Anna’s Easy Answer Is A Political Godsend For Her.

Also, Just 120 days before we vote in the council elections, and GI Janyne Arlett continues to go about the place, stirring up apathy.

News Corpse invents a new town for us here in NQ …

And the Astonisher has a crack at clairvoyant reporting … but gets it wrong.

But bigger things seem certain for iditor Lachlan Heywood.

Wannabe councillor’s social media blooper … will it cost him votes?

And forget pork on your fork, the Yanks go one … err … better?

But first …

Two matters have dominated the news in the past week. On the international scene, we were yet again numbed to incomprehension at the senseless and darkly evil gun violence in America, with the sensless slaughter in San Bernadino. No need to go over the details again here, but almost as infuriating and disheartening has been the political reaction to the slaughter.

So if ever a front page of a newspaper was an object lesson in what courageous front pages are for, the New York Post gets the all-time accolade for this concise summation.

Nothing needs to be added.

Clive Palmer Rolls The Dice On The Future Of The ‘Ville

The other matter that concerned us in a different way was the possible closure of the Yabulu Nickel Refinery here in the ‘Ville.

Clive Palmer, who controls the Yabulu and the more than 2000 jobs it supports directly and indirectly, appears happy to be using Townsville’s wellbeing as a chip in his high-stakes courtroom poker game with his former Chinese partners. He’s gone around with the begging bowl in an effort to coerce the tax payers of Queensland to lend him the money to keep paying the refinery’s bills, until – he believes – a court will order a couple of tankers full of money from his estranged Chinese colleagues.

But, hey Clive, how about selling off some of your assets, old chum, like any other responsible businessman would do? Our ‘toonist Bentley notes that even Mayor Mullet has been having a go at tackling the Palmernorus on this, rallying the community to get this self-absorbed blimp to see reality.

The ‘Pie’s spies in Sydney seem to think Clive may at last be looking at a possible asset sell-off if he decides that he doesn’t want to open his company’s books to the Palaszczuk government (try that with a bank and see how far you get, mate. Oh, wait, you have, haven’t you?) Two buyers … one foreign and one Aussie – are interested in the Coolum Resort, and at least two of Minerology’s pricey aircraft are said to be headed for the auction block.

We are all just hoping it isn’t too little, too late. Getting compassion from this bloke needs the same naïve trust of one asking for late night assistance at Wolf Creek.

But What A Christmas Gift For The Palaszczuk Government

Anna Alphabet may well have been doing a little jig of joy (why not, every other pollie is dancing for the cameras nowadays like this temporarily deranged – or pissed – John Paul Langbroek) with the looming crisis at Yabulu.

Here is the perfect opportunity to gracefully get out of the unsustainable campaign nonsense promise of $100million towards a new footy stadium for the ‘Ville. And also stop her whiny old chum Mayor Mullet endlessly whingeing and wheedling about same.

The LNP wedged Premier Alphabet into that pledge, which she happily made because didn’t think she had a fart in a fan factory’s hope of winning.

Now, with three dud Labor members around here, Anna will be almost certain not to allow Yabulu to fall over. So here’s the thing …. she needs to simply point to the truth – that it can only be one or the other in these straited times, those jobs or Lancini’s cherished footy stadium.

You know, at times there is a beautiful symmetry about politics and economics.

Then there were four

Maths tell us (you listening down there at The Astonisher) there are four spots left for GI Jayne Arlett to fill on her council team.

Or, hang on, would that be just two?

Northern Beaches Clr Sue Blom has had her body politic comprehensively frisked and has been given the Arlett imprimatur to take on Team Mullet’s Paul Jacob in the re-jigged Northern Beaches division. Bit dicey, since she lost a large chunk of her strongest areas, which arguably got her across the line against Jacob last time, 52% to 48% on preferences.

So on the face of it, that leaves four spots to be filled.

‘But as The ‘Pie understands it, Parsnip and Tonsils (Clrs Parson and Roberts to you) have been pivotal for Arlett behind the scenes and it seems a given that they’ll front up for her. They’ve already had a big say on who’s in and who’s out from the TF mob (looks like Deputy Doo Dah Vern Veitch is no longer their playmate). Neither seem to have strong job prospects outside politics, and almost certainly none that would have them pocket the almost $100K per of a councillor, so both will no doubt run again no matter what.

So the long-drawn out team composition will be a fairly sensible five’n’five … five of the more credibly performing Townsville Firsters, and five new ( supposedly non-political) faces.

But Is The Stable Door Already Swinging In The Wind?

While we’re waiting for all that like a husband outside his wife’s shoe shop, Mayor Mullet is stealing a march in the campaign, painting herself as a bargain basement Boadicea taking on governments everywhere about all sorts of issues – no matter that her  chariot’s  whirling blades are made of harmless rubber– it’s all wind and noise but, hey, that’s campaigning. Popping your head up occasionally from the foxhole for the ill-aimed potshot is wasting your time and ours, GI m’gel, and it is definitely – believe the old bird on this – it is definitely starting to piss people off and test the goodwill so many were happy to afford you at the outset.

The coprolitic greybeards in the back room are telling you to take no notice of that grumpy old Magpie, he knows diddly squat about political campaigning (and no one reads him anyway). For someone who professes not to be interested in politics, you sure are getting and acting on some politically clichéd advice. The ‘Pie does know same old-same old when he sees it, and the disappointment that carries when the promises were for a brave new world.

The ‘drip teasing’ of your team make-up has got to stop, and don’t keep telling us about what a useless leader we have at the moment … just tell us how you’ll do it differently and more efficiently. And start telling us now

Please.

Apt Or What?

In his playing days, Senator Glenn Lazarus used be known as ‘the brick with eyes’. But here in the ‘Ville, we can claim a representative with just as catchy style of name.

Received a glossy little missive in the snail mail during the week from Ewen Jones. In a small snippet therein, he honks on about his regular times around town talking to constituents (when he’s not busy consulting Jesus on policy). Ewen calls these occasions ‘Listening Posts’. The ‘Pie will go along with that. Given his lack of sensitivity and social judgment … let alone ability to reflect constituents concerns … he could well be called ‘the post with ears’.

Is Pinocchio Heywood Bound For Greater Glory

Sportsbet has put out a market on the next editor of the Courier Mail, and – ta da – Typo Gleeson is way out in front, a $1.85 favourite, well ahead of second fav Clive Mathieson at $5.

BUT giving some credence to recent Magpie musings in the blog, 6th fav out of 25 is – fanfare, please – the Astonisher’s Lachlan Heywood at a tasty $13! Pinocchio, Rupert’s BFF when in NY, will no doubt be shuffled off up the greasy pole at some stage if not now, and Townsville will yet again become the plaything of another ambitious southern-gazing iditor.

The really good news is of the 25 listed, Andrew Bolt and Joe Hildebrand are in joint 24th, each at $101 to 1.

Phew, that’s a relief, at least.

Have a peek at the full list:
https://m.sportsbet.com.au/#betting/current-affairs/courier-mail-specials/next-courier-mail-editor-in-chief-2382372

From Comments During The Week

Not all subscribers or readers join the fun of the rolling comments and threads throughout the week, so The ‘Pie occasionally repeats some worth noting … bear with the old bird if you’re already up to date with these matters.

A Town Like … errr … Burdekin? 

The Magpie December 1, 2015 at 5:22 pm  (Edit)

Nothing like being in touch with the community you serve, indeed News Corpse assures us they’re ‘just local folks’ and being ‘all for the North’. It even makes the boast on this web page for the re-badged Burdekin Advocate (formerly Ayr Advocate) that the paper ‘is totally in tune with the unique lifestyle and characteristics of its local population’.
But perhaps not the geography, according to the page’s opening sentence.

Burdekin is a town? 88kms south of Townsville on the Bruce Highway? It seems the razor sharp bizzoids at News Corpse are well ahead of those slow coaches down at the Post Code office, because those damn public servants haven’t even listed a code for the town of Burdekin. That’s possibly because it doesn’t exist, although the region bears that name, and includes the principle community of Ayr – which just so happens to be 88kms south of Townsville, on the Bruce Highway. Spooky coincidence or what?.

But really, let’s not be too hard on them, after all, you can’t expect cut price writers in Mumbai to know the minutae of local geography.

But it seems the Mumbai confusion is contagious and lurks in the Ayr offices of the paper itself.

It was news to The ‘Pie that the paper had chaged its name, so he rang to ask when this had happened. The chirpy pleasant young gal said ‘Oh, I don’t think it’s happened yet, but hold on, I’ll find out.’ She was back in five seconds, telling a bemused ‘Pie that it happened ‘in July last year’.
So it seemed it HAD started … 16 months ago.

Be interesting to hear Pinocchio Heywood’s readership figures for the town of Burdekin.

Fair dinkum, you just cannot believe a bloody word that this crowd says. Here’s another reason why.

The End Of The Affair

It was an affair that didn’t end well for the Astonisher. Playing catch-up to The ‘Pie on the tale of Bolivian bovver boy Julian Musumeci, they gave it the front page treatment after learning that the Musumeci family had arrived home. This from comments.

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Submitted on 2015/12/04 at 8:43 amAt the risk of being tedious for some (a possibility that has never deterred The ‘Pie), just a couple of points for reporter Victoria Nugent and yesterday’s front page catch-up on the story of our Bolivian bovver boy, Julian Musumeci. 1. He arrived at 1.15pm yesterday, not 9am. You didn’t know, so why not ‘yesterday’ ? Made-up detail reflects badly. You report’ Mr Musumeci’s father Sam was also in Bolivia to support him during proceedings’. The false implication is that his mum wasn’t there – she was, all the way through, and The ‘Pie understands gave the bureaucrats merry hell as only an Italian momma can. However, your error was no doubt caused by The ‘Pie’s caption to your front page photograph – he published 16 hours earlier the previous day – probably led you into the mistake.

“‘I’ve brought my boy home!’. Maria Musumeci gives Juiian a homecoming kiss to mark the end of the family’s nightmare fortnight.” And just a query – how do you know that he ‘appeared tired’ … you weren’t there, but if The ‘Pie is wrong and you were, you were four hours early. Wow, clairvoyance a new string to your bow? And finally, an apology Victoria, if, as the ‘Pie suspects, these certain matters were inserted in your story by others – as is often the case in Rupert’s tabloid world. Unapprove | Reply | Quick Edit | Edit | History | Spam | Trash

Sometime You Just Can’t Win

The Magpie 1,738 approved email hidden; JavaScript is required 101.177.15.226

Submitted on 2015/12/04 at 11:33 amBad Timing Award of the Year goes to Drive Magazine, trumpeting it’s Car of the Year today … the Ford Everest. http://www.drive.com.au/video-cars/video-car-of-the-year/2015-drive-car-of-the-year-overall-winner-20151203-479pp.html Turned out to be a red hot choice. Bit of a headache for the Ford PR people, though, as the announcement comes just a couple of days after a Ford Everest being test driven by a motoring journalist stalled and spontaneously burst in flames. To make matters worse for Drive, their reporter brayed on about the fact that although assembled in Thailand, the design of the vehicle is purely Australian – including its incendiadry electricals.

While We’re In An Automotive Mood

It is generally agreed that there are two different lifestyles available to the average Aussie … lead a normal existence, or become a politician. And when an ordinary life turns into a political life, all the rules change. You’ll have every glassy-eyed, kale-eating halfwit who takes yak butter in their coffee climbing all over you for the least straying from PC. This is lesson Mayor Mullet team member Russ Cook may soon be about the learn. Running a driving school, Russ posts the frequent little clip relevant to his business. But The ‘Pie isn’t sure if this patronising little number gained him any female customers … or whether it will win him any female votes in the council election.

A Cautionary Note About The Reliability Of Social Media

Hey, Victoria, one for you and your fellow peofessionals down at The Astonisher.

And Don’t Let The Kids See This

Disillusionment with the cuddly myth of Santa Clause comes to us all, some earlier than others. Like for instance, America’s favourite child star.

Aussies Get Pork On Their Fork, But The Yanks Go One Better (or maybe worse)

There are many things in this life that, individually, are delights, but sometimes, wanting it all and combining two of these little pleasures can send one into deep and not really pleasurable contemplation. Such is the case with the American folk at J&D Foods. Their primary business is bacon supply, but now they’ve gone into the underwear market … with bacon scents Reg Grundys!

But nothing chauvinistic about this, the gals get equal opportunity …

… to the blokes.

The company pushes their brainwave with the unforgettable but highly questionable line:

“Each pair is hand crafted in the USA to offer the support of briefs, the freedom of boxers and the smell of breakfast cooking in your pants. You really can have it all.”

But some should exercise caution in adopting this fashion/food statement … especially if you’re in a job that hogs the limelight.

When this was mentioned to Mongrel the Barrister, his eyes lit up. ‘We could make a fortune, mate … bugger bacon, I’ve got a great idea for my mates over at Ingham Road Seafood’.

No Mongrel, not even in America, mate.

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