Also, the drip-teasing continues: GI Jayne Arlett announces three new members of her team, signalling a looming problem …
… and The ‘Pie reveals another interesting match-up by Mayor Mullet. The Townsville Council election is shaping up as a Rubik cube of combinations.
When dirt cheap turns out to be dirt expensive? Townsville Council’s self-made $4million headache …
… and as promised, following up on the recent rules of how to be a gentleman, we look at the gels guide to social goodness.
But first …
A Not So Super Future?
A national question affecting all Australians is yet to burst into the public consciousness in its full possibility. That is the question of the rules surrounding superannuation … and it possibly falling into the grasping hands of Canberra, tempted by the trillions lying around like it does Scrooge McDuck’s basement
Dicey stuff, fraught with double-talk, half-truths, naked fear and blatant unfairness (at the moment) – and that’s just from rich people, the pollies haven’t even started yet. But while this debate will soon warm up, Bentley is right royally hissed off with the ‘nesting python’ approach of politicians on this issue.
Indeed, this is but part of the unraveling the Australian dream as we used to know it, which is coming apart at the seams in other areas, as Paul Zanetti illustrates.
Zanetta
See more of Paul’s take on current affairs at http://zanettisview.com/cartoons/signs-of-the-times/1000
But We’Re Aussies, We’ve Got Our Priorities Straight
as the horrors of the world rollout overseas, this time in France, it was comforting to know where Courier Mail readers thought were focussed today.
Now if only those damned terrorists had been topless …
Is It Bedi Byes For The Townsville Bulletin As We Know It?
Two genuinely alarming developments – matters which could have far-reaching consequences for the ‘Ville – emerged during the week. The context is more concerning when we take each one in order.
Bedi Ajay Singh, News CFO
The News empire’s chief bean counter, New York-based CFO Bedi Ajay Singh, a man known to take no prisoners, set the rumour mill abuzz last weekend when he told an analysts briefing ‘We are actively examining cost structures at News Australia and looking at operational efficiencies’. Code for sacking and out sourcing. The overall news and information business is not quite yet a cot case, but Bedi was writing rather writing the writing on the wall, further strengthening shareholder resolve to wrest control of the ailing conglomerate from the Murdoch clan’s hands as soon as they can.
Crikey.com reports that evidence of this dictum is the fact that most if not all News publication Christmas parties have been cancelled this year, although Melbourne staff have been told they can attend a seasonal function at an executive’s rural property, where they will buy their own food and pay a fee if they bring more than two children. (A better PR result would be no party at all.) Anyone know if the free hams and the usual Astonisher knees up is still on?
But the Bedi bombshell certainly means more jobs and/or cutbacks to pay and facilities will be ordered around the country, without a doubt including the our own Astonisher. Well, it’s anything but ours, but you get the idea.
All this was followed in jig time by an official report News filed with the US Securities and Exchange Commission, which, as Crikey reported …. “reveals that News Corp Australia was the black hole in the group’s news and information businesses around the world — more so than the UK, where The Sun has also been hit by a slide in ad revenues and the drop in the value of the Aussie dollar against the greenback. Revenues at the Australian newspapers for the three months ended September 30, 2015 decreased 26% compared to the corresponding period of fiscal 2015, with the impact of foreign currency fluctuations of the U.S. dollar against the Australian dollar resulting in a revenue decrease of $87 million, or 20%.”
But while their cloacas were hyperventilating about all that, staff yesterday were hit with the latest circulation figures … and the Townsville Bulletin immediately entered the twilight zone. These are the year-on-year figures to the end of September.
NB Because they are a bit long, the full national survey results will be published as the first two items in the comments section below the blog itself. That is, just below the Donations information.
But although The ‘Pie has pointed it out before, the really disheartening figure is that of digital subscriptions. A measly 145, making no impact on the lost print sales, starkly reflecting the Townsville Bulletin’s loss of stature, trust and relevance with the community. This woeful lack of digital take-up, which is saving many other publications, is exacerbated by the sloppy, close-enough-is-good-enough approach to the Townsville Bulletin website. The template is universal to all News papers but the slap-dash second-class-citizen attitude by the Bulletin to a medium meant to be publishers future and a financial saviour is a mystery. (One of many recent examples – which is hilariously funny and deeply sad at the same time. The website reported the paper winning three NQ awards recently, but unfortunately headlined it ‘Bully Scores Three Goings’. It took 24 hours before the gong sounded for anyone to notice or care.)
But Help Could Be On The Way
Have you noticed the flood of these one-pagers over recent weeks.
The irony (correct usage) is that this latest in a series of debates is co-sponsored by one of the least competent digital organisations in the city. So many free one-pagers which would normally net the paper four or five grand for a fairly inconsequential gabfest means the paper has a lot of hitherto expensive space it is willing to fill for nothing. it’s a good look.
Be interesting to see how many flock along to hear Campbell Newman’s pearls of wisdom, but do you note the presence of one Alisa Bowen … she is News CorpseGroup Director – Digital Product Development. Given that News is a bit of joke in this field, she’ll have the job ahead of her, but hey, while she’s here, maybe some one-on-ones behind locked doors with iditor Pinocchio Heywood might sort out some attitudinal problem at least. Being a Sydney excecutive, Ms Bowen will know how to inspire and titillate others … using standard News issue jumper leads, nipples clamps, a damp cloth and a car battery. Maybe one clamp to Pinocchio’s nose might also help.
G I Jayne Gathers The Troops
Interesting numbers game being played by GI Jayne, with the announcement of three new team members; local turf boss Michael Charge, lady walloper Janelle Poole and previously announced businessman Marcel McLeod. Senior Sergeant Poole seems to be the pick of the bunch, with her regular informative and friendly radio appearances affording her a positive profile.
Source: The Astonisher Pic by Zak Simmonds
There is also the murmur that Debbie Giudes, of the successful Escape Travel franchises will be on the Arlett ticket, but where this busiest of gals would find the time, one has to wonder.
But today’s announcement has only heightened the guessing game about who of the current Townsville First councillors will be turfed from this ‘no political affiliations’ team (a dictum which obviously doesn’t apply to her backroom team which includes well known pinko Peter Lindsay, socialist fellow traveller David Crisafulli, neo-communist former mayor Les Tyrell, and red-ragger Andrew Longmire, filling the role of media manager, a job he filled for Kid Crisafulli when the lad was our Local Government Minister in the left-wing Campbell Kollective government. This information is offered not as a comment but to support Ms Arlett’s ardent desire for transparency about being non-political.)
The main question is, will GI Jayne enlist to her ranks current Deputy Doo Dah Vern Veitch. The ‘Pie had been assured that there is a definite possibility he may be uninvited, and that Ms Arlett has not spoken to him in three months. One is entitled to make an assumption of exclusion from this, or otherwise very poor manners towards a deputy mayor.
But that will now be a very courageous decision, because Jenny will be fielding that old political (cough) dynamo and Jenny yes-girl Anne-Maree Greaney against the current deputy mayor. A-MG was walloped last time out by Trevor Roberts while Uncle Fester, just .8% short of winning on primaries romped home against Vicki Salisbury (who doesn’t seem inclined to cop another whipping and is a non-starter at this stage). And that simply reinforces the perception of an almost assured Veitch victory . And that in turn leaves open the prospect of a hostile Uncle Fester in any Arlett–led council chamber – Vern is as good an unforgiver as Clint Eastwood, good enough to be a considerable thorn the side of anyone he thinks has done him wrong.
Then there’s the big question of three way races (at least three-way) and split votes all over the place (gawd, let’s not even contemplate preferences just yet!) when the spurned Topwnsville Firsters decide to have another gallop anyway. A couple of them could certainly get up – Ray Gartrell will win hands down, team or no team, no matter what, a recent poll had him the most popular councillor by a long chalk.
This would work in favour of the Mayor Mullet, with spooked voters buying the Bulletin’s bullshit about a few policy disagreements (about 5% of the council business according to Mayor Mullet herself) plunging the city and its reputation into the pits of investment hellfire. In fact, the town’s been running as best it could be expected in straitened times, probably better than if an economic illiterate had held the whip hand. Not much anyone could’ve done about the external forces at work here.
The painting of Mayor Mullet as a little girl lost in a forest of big swinging dicks is straight out of Chapter One of the Nice Try Playbook. But the rusted-on-Labor, letter-writing wailing Greek Chorus is starting to come out in full force painting the mournful picture of a picked-on people’s champion. (Hey, Col Hegarty, why so coy in signing off your letter without declaring your loud and proud Labor membership – Hermit Park branch? Fellow members Mike Capt Snooze Reynolds and Eammon ‘Call Me Ted’ Lindsay will be so disappointed.)
But when it comes to texting and letters to the Iditor, which used to be a major battleground when the paper held some real sway, Labor’s long experience of marshaling the troops to manipulate this free publicity is winning the early skirmishes hands down. There have been a couple of timid and seemingly independent paeans of praise for GI Jayne, but the Bulletin’s early inclination is to favor Mayor Mullet in terms of positioning, prominence and pictorial enhancement of fawning letters. That may or may not change, hard to tell when our only paper insists on being a player rather than an independent observer and reporter. But rest assured, the Bulletin’s boss (the advertising manager) will go where he thinks their best financial outcome will come from.
But George McColbran Will Be Resting On His Buns
The other question gaining momentum around the council election is the possibility of a third team. Pat Ernst has been mentioned in this context, but The ‘Pie thinks that’s probably unlikely.
George Colbran
And one person who will be staying firmly in the grandstand will be George Colbran, who has been asked multiple times by folks in the business community to field a team. George, looking hail and hearty from his almost perpetual globe trotting jaunts, says at 66, he’s entitled to his opinion of ‘who needs it?’ And yes, he’s done his bit for the community politically, albeit unsuccessfully. He has also waged a successful but draining battle against health issues, and all those rubber chicken salads and soggy sandwiches which feature so largely in the mayoralty round, would not be an attractive prospect.
But the Colbran name is perhaps not entirely gone from politics. Seems George’s plain spoken son Scott might have a tilt at a spot on the Cairns council. Scott is as straight talking and no bullshit type as his father, so, like his dad, he has that as a political disadvantage right there from the get go. Will keep a watch on it.
The Council Learns That When It seems Too Good To Be True, It’s Because It Always Is
Dirt cheap ain’t dirt cheap when the dirt is … well, dirty.
Whoever gets to steer the fortunes of the ‘Ville next March, they will inherit a nice little $4million headache, one pushed and promoted by Mayor Mullet for short-lived bragging rights.
When the council purchased the old Railway Sheds on Flinders Street West for $20,000, it was a back-slapping jamboree all round. They acted like they’d pulled a swiftie on that dozy old state government mugs in Brisbane. But now we’re in last laugh territory.
This week just gone The ‘Pie is hearing that a report thudded onto the desk which said that remediation of contaminated ground across the four or five hectare site is going to tickle the community till to the tune of around … oh, let’s say … $4million. Yikes!
Only three councillors voted against Mayor Mullet’s publicity grab, Jenny Lane, Ray Gartrell and Pat Ernst. And no one asked why the astute Peter Honeycombe hadn’t been seeking to grab it like a monopoly player buying up a whole street. he stayed well out of it.
Maybe it could be turned in a memorial turkey farm.
The 39 Steps To Being A Lady
You’ll recall the steps to become a gentleman a couple of weeks ago? Inevitably, the snob knob publishers of Britain’s class bible Country Life Magazine soon issued the other side of the coin for the gels.
Space has got away from The Magpie a bit this week, so a more comprehensive round-up next week, but here’s a preview, compiled with the help of reader/chum, the appropriately named Polythene Pam..
Rule7: Excels at making love, lasagne and long gin and tonics
Otherwise known as Sunday breakfast in bed at Mongrel the Barristers.
Rule 9: Can imitate Piglet and Pooh voices for a bedtime story
‘’And Piglet tried to be brave as felt Pooh’s hot breath on his neck and he felt the thin fabric of his vest being ripped away in his friend’s passion. Oh dear, what will Pooh make of that tattoo … especially where it is, Piglet fretted, but soon, he was thinking of other things.”
Rule12: Is aware that the school run and dog walking do not require full make-up.
Besides, it makes the dog look silly and irritable.
Rule 14: Knows when a man is spoken for
Nipple twists from wives are a dead giveaway.
Rule 17: Knows songs for a long car journey
If not The Sounds of Silence, songs that make ANY car journey seem long
Rule 25: Can tie – and untie – a bow tie.
From her own wrists?
Rule 29: Instills manners in her children but lets their characters flourish
Where would the world be with rapist/serial killers who didn’t say ‘please stop screaming’?
Rule 34: Teaches her son to iron his shirts and her daughter to change a fuse.
A charming response to learning the unpleasant surprise of her children’s sexual orientation.
Rule 38: Has kissed several frogs and made them feel like princes.
But her brother Tarquin has kissed several princes and felt them up until they croaked like frogs
On A Not Entirely Dissimilar Subject
The latest trend for British brides is bouquets of vegetables.
This raises some questions, such as the damage a hurled pumpkin can do to a bridesmaid missing the catch, or using a carrot to suddenly decide at the last minute you don’t really like the bloke anyway. Mongrel the Barrister thinks it’s a sensible idea, indicative of the occasion ‘but only if they’re root vegetables, if you get my drift hur hur hur.’
Mongrel has never been married.
And finally,
The Right Name For Everything , Dept Of:
It came to The ‘Pie’s recent attention that the colorful rock pictured is known as the Fukang Meteorite.
Fukang heavy, too, mate.
The colourful pallasite meteorite was discovered in a Chinese mountain range in 2000. It is mistakenly believed that its name comes from a nearby town, but in fact, linguistics have determined otherwise. Locals christened it the Fukang Meteorite after the exclamation the Australian scientist yelled on spotting it.
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