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The Magpie

Saturday, November 11th, 2017   |   186 comments

If It Is True ‘Whom The Gods Would Destroy They First Make Mad’ – Then, Boy, Have The Gods Got It In For Mayor Mullet

She’s all over the place like the proverbial excreta of a mentally unstable female, as she ducks and weaves in the Adani airstrip fiasco.

But for all that, a rare occasion – The Magpie totally agrees with The Astonisher that Mayor Mullet is the number one person of influence in this city. However, The ‘Pie may have reached that conclusion by a different path to the paper. And there’s a few others The ‘Pie has on his list.

Why the Legal Foghorn Big Bazza Taylor will be reading with interest about corruption charges being brought against a high flyer from his past …

The yearly readership figures for newspapers have just been published and shit-oh-dear, when the new Scottish editor of the Townsville Bulletin sees them, she may think about hightailing back to the highlands. But the ever-generous ‘Pie will give her a small clue as to why the numbers are through the floor.

But first … a touch of geology.

Rock of Ages To Be A No Go Area

Monolithic rocks have been religious sacred sites through the ages and across all faiths and even politics, possibly because they are generally unchanging, and represent timeless solidarity for the believer, something to hang on to in the ever-changing historical landscape. (Given the current state of affairs, we’ll be making Castle Hill a sacred site soon – it’s the only thing called Hill we can believe in).

The Muslims have the Black Stone, housed in the small building called the Kaaba, in Mecca, German pagans worshipped at Extersteine Horn-Bad Meinberg, before it was Christianised and then the Nazis adopted it as an ultra-nationalistic site. And of course, the inter-faith Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem claims all sorts of fairytales, Jewish, Muslim and Christian. These include Abraham planning to use the household cutlery there on his son to appease his sky-daddy, later Solomon erected his temple there (so they reckon) and it was also where Mohammed began his ascent to heaven (so they reckon).

Now Australia can enter the Pantheon of hard rockers. A while back, Ayers Rock suddenly became ‘Uluru’, it’s traditional dreamtime name (so they say). Climbing the rock has been a bucket-lister’s staple for many years, but not for much longer. Tribal elders have announced that climbing the rock will be banned in a couple years time, in order – so they say – to give the rock the respect and sanctity it merits.

Maybe, but Bentley for one ain’t buying it. He thinks there’s more than a bit of reverse racism at work here.

ULURU 3

When that ban comes in, it will be interesting to see how long it will be before the Feds are asked for compensation for the loss of income from falling tourism.

New Editor, New Website, Same Old Problem

Always nice to know you can trust the Townsville Bulletin’s deep embedment into the local community. They know what’s what, who’s who and where’s where … uh oh, scrub that last one. Here’s the top story on the web site Saturday morning.

Screen shot 2017-11-11 at 7.44.22 AM

They obviously didn’t have a ‘G’ whiz on the subs desk overnight.

But believe it or not, a News Ltd executive who is some sort of tinpot pooh-bah for Rupert’s regional’s in Queensland has gone one better.

Simon-Irwin-square350

Simon Irwin – News Ltd Qld Regionals Mastheads boss

This smug oilster has gone one better all right; he is so across his brief of looking after regional Queensland, he doesn’t misspell place names … HE MAKES THEM UP!

After a strange boast about News Ltd’s dehumanising centralisation program quote:’ Advertisers now from Chinchilla can put an ad in The Australian.’ (What, they couldn’t before – even if they wanted to?), here he is turkey-gobbling about the staff ‘stepping stone’ policy.

“For our staff it means if you’re a journo starting in Bilionera or in Atherton you can end up in New York or you could end up in Sydney or Melbourne – the world is your oyster really. So I think that people are starting to really understand that their opportunities are greatly expanded.”

‘Bilonera’? Bilon-bloody-era’? According to the Australian post code list, to Google Search and to Yellow Pages, there is not such place. Don’t tell us Simple Simon meant Biloela? Or maybe Bilyana.

And they wonder why we don’t believe a word they write and why readers are deserting them in droves. Here at the readership figures for the year to September, and see if you can spot the salt in the wound.

Screen shot 2017-11-09 at 10.18.11 PM

Screen shot 2017-11-09 at 10.17.50 PM

Yes, the Townsville Bulletin plummets, while the Cairns Post soars. New edtor, Scot Jenna Cairney will be saying a sight more than ‘Hoots mon’ when she sees that. But the ray of hope is that the great performance in Cairns is from a female editor, and Cath Webber did a great job at the Gold Coast before Mayor Tom Tate knifed her.  So maybe it’s a women’s touch – brains  maybe – to steady things down.

And Typo Gleeson continues playing undertaker at the Sunday Mail, off nearly 15% in the past year. A dud iditor if ever there was one.

She Can’t Be Far Away From Foaming Lunacy

Jenny Hill

Mayor Mullet has further descended into gabbling demented panic, accidentally giving herself away at every turn. This time in Thursday’s Financial Review, in essence admitting the irresponsible and unethical extent to which she has used millions of ratepayer funds to bolster he own political image of ‘the battler’s mayor’.

HILLIN FIN REVIEW

The Mullet is unaccustomed to being interviewed by real journalists who are not lap dogs directed to give editorial support for her every thought fart of the moment. But good journalists like those at the Fin Review know the truism about ‘give ‘em enough rope etc’. So in Thursday’s AFR, we see Mayor Mullet airily gracing us with her opinion that she backed using taxpayers money to build the rail line to the Galilee basin ‘ if the business case stacks up.’

Err, what?

So, madam mayor, in your own words, you agree that the business case for the Adani Carmichael mine is yet to be proven?

That being the case, how does the following compute for you?

  1. A desperate Adani needs the mine-to-port rail line to ensure it can sustain its financially wobbly port operations at Abbott Point. It says it can built it with its own money, but clearly can’t. It does not explain its reluctance to do so, and puts out the begging bowl in Canberra.
  2. Adani repeatedly keeps putting back dates when it claims the funding will be accomplished, (latest: next March) all the while assuring us that that will eventually be the case, despite no bank or lending institution agreeing their business case ‘stacks up’ and won’t touch it.
  1. You, Mayor Mullet, after being handsomely hosted on a trip to Adani HQ in India, succumb to Adani’s demands that the two council’s most likely to benefit from the mine’s FIFO requirements build a gold-plated airstrip for an eye-watering $30million plus.
  1. While you suspected there would be some backwash when this hitherto secret arrangement is made public, you are taken aback and alarmed at the widespread and strident opposition to the use of ratepayers money ($18.5 million) in this manner. But you stick to your guns, saying it was necessary to secure FIFO JOBS for Townsville, based on gossamer thin assurances from the Indian shysters. You added a nice little kick in the cods for those who have been forced to leave their council jobs by saying the council won’t have to borrow the airstrip funds, they will come ‘from the savings made by the staff restructure’.
  1. You then adopt a crash or crash through strategy, further enraging Townsville ratepayers by announcing you want the airstrip built BEFORE the final funding approval for the project is known. If it happens at all. This indicates that you have every confidence of the mine starting up, which in turn must surely mean that you have studied the details and concluded that the ‘business case stacks up’.
  1. But then you have two-bob each way and say should the venture – for some obscure reason (???) – not proceed, we would get our money back because you have demanded that Adani supply a bank guarantee regarding that eventuality. Just where this roundly repudiated mob of slicksters will finally find a bank that will even guarantee a relative piddling $18.5million is your secret, which you coyly decline to share with us mugs. Not fibbing are you, dearie?
  1. You continue to refuse to release the report by KPMG which you claim justifies your actions because the mine will inject $90million EACH YEAR for 30 YEARS into the Townsville economy. When pressed, you say it remains Commercial In Confidence ‘because negotiations with Adani are on-going.’

Then on Thursday, you ramp up your arrogance by advocating a billion dollars of Australian taxpayer money for a rail line is a good idea. But only ‘if the business case stacks up’!! All the banks have already says it doesn’t.

Seriously, are you mad? Or do you think we are?

As has been said elsewhere, under your strategy, we could end up with a rail line to nowhere with an airstrip at the end of it.

It would seem the gods are well down the track with their initial goal of making you gaga, Mrs Hill. They’ll leave the destruction part to either the voters or a CCC/QLG inquiry, whichever comes first.

Headlines We’d Like To See

Gautam Adani

Gautam Adani

‘Got’em Adani Charged With Multiple Sex Offences After Caught Trying To Inappropriately Touch 70,000 Townsville Ratepayers. Mayor Mullet Charged With Being An Accessory’

………………

 Under The Influence

Yet again, The Astonisher continues its progress down the path of the right idea with the wrong execution.

Screen shot 2017-11-11 at 11.36.52 PM

It is that perennial old chestnut solely designed to hopefully sell papers (it doesn’t, especially not if you’re silly enough to put it out on a Friday) of the 50 Most Influential people in Townsville. Now this list of transparent tosh simply exists in the heads of the iditor and the advertising manager of the Townsville Daily Astonisher. The list is formulated in part by self-interest (advertising – McDonalds frachisee, casino owner, rich dentist, various developers), a smattering of public servants who doing what they’re paid to do, Pricey gets a guernsey (good on him). It really is an exercise in stretching the imagination, witnessed by the inclusion of old Magpie mate, Rabieh Krayem, whose entire career has been centered on Rabieh and The Magpie cannot point to anything substantive that he has done for the community.

The ‘Pie’s Picks

OK, seems we’re all under the influence … this lot would drive you to drink.

So The Magpie will now present his brief Most Influential , formulated on one simple rule – the unvarnished truth. For a start, let’s look at the dictionary definition.

influence |ˈinfloŏəns|

noun

the capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself .The power to shape policy or ensure favorable treatment from someone, esp. through status, contacts, or

  • a person or thing with such a capacity or power

BUT there is also another word often linked to influence, that word being ‘malign’ evil in effect; pernicious; baleful; injurious’: And it is with that in mind that The Magpie kicks off his little list with

#1: Mayor Mullet, Mrs Jennifer Hill.

Indeed, Mayor Mullet can take the bulk of the credit for the busted-arse state in which our poor bloody city finds itself. The scorecard ain’t flash.

*Into office deriding her opponent’s policy that there was an urgent water crisis … then back flips when she has to bring in water restrictions and is faced with the social media revolt demanding a solution to what she said was not an issue

*imports a fellow-traveller Labor apparatchik Adele Young as council CEO to implement her specially commissioned report recommending reducing council staff by almost a quarter in a virtual purge. Ms Young quickly demonstrates personally and professionally she is unqualified and unsuitable for the job.

* encourages Young to replace senior staff with Labor’s yesterday yes men and women from outside the city to consolidate her position and power

* at a stroke, trashes Townsville’s multi-million dollar arts reputation by inexplicably and unceremoniously sacking Shane Fitzgerald, nationally acknowledged as one of the finest regional arts administrators who had the Perc Tucker gallery flying

*blocks pivotal breakthrough development called The Hive on the Queens Hotel site. While she quotes some obscure planning and heritage mumbo jumbo as the reason, it became apparent that it didn’t fit in with other personally ordered planning projects that were all ‘blue sky’

* tells the unquestioning Astonisher there has been a rate reduction, Soon, ratepayers discover there is actually a number shuffle that is in fact a rise for most – including a ‘waste charge'; for a ‘free’ dump day!

*decides to enter a stoush to back her TEL board chairman (she is deputy chair) to urge Qantas to collect a $3 per passenger tax to finance the Queensland Airports Limited asset Townsville Airport’s proposed $80million renovation. When Qantas point blank refuses because air fares are dear enough already in Townsville, the mayor makes a public call for locals to boycott Qantas. She is ignored , makes herself and the city a national laughing stock, and Qantas is widely praised for its stand

*flies to India to receive hospitality from the Adani group, and soon after returning, undertakes secret talks and eventually reveals she is ‘gifting’ Adani $18.5million of ratepayer funds to build an airport at the yet too be financed mine site. The backlash is instant and spectacular. A petition of over 50,000 signatures is gathered. She refuses to receive the petition in person, and dismisses the thousands of angry ratepayers as ‘keyboard warriors’.

This latter matter has really got her tits caught in the wringer and the matter is far from resolved, as written earlier.

So yes, Mayor Hill, The ‘Pie believes it was your major influence that sees the unkempt, dowdy and downhearted city which has seen 9000 people leave in the past two years. Not all your fault, but it’s a multiplier effect.

#2: Adele The Impaler Young

adele and jenny

Ms Young, a known labor Party head-kicker, wasted no time is implementing a callous and largely unnecessary purge of council staff. No program of natural attrition, no acceptable time frame, just a brutal clear out.

The result has created a toxic overworked workplace where she is by all reports, universally loathed, in part because of her widely reported unprofessional and possibly unstable workplace behaviour .

There are as yet unconfirmed reports that Ms Young suddenly took leave when the state election was called, and is said to be in Brisbane helping run the state Labor campaign. Adding fuel to this conjecture is that her sudden leave will end the Monday after election day.

 #3: Ben ‘Bogan’ English and the Townsville Bulletin.

Astonisher iditor Ben English

Astonisher iditor Ben English

bulletin

The paper fancies itself as an ‘opinion leader’ and shaper of community debate (what codswallop) but HAS NEVER included itself or its editor in this list. The paper which The ‘Pie long ago dubbed the Astonisher has been variously called the Adani Argus, the Bullsheet and Jenny Hill’s PR letter. There has been virtually no criticism of any of her programs or pronouncements, with most receiving puppy-wetting and unquestioning eager backing. There has been no investigative journalism, no examination of various claims, especially financial ones, and any outside opposition is effectively stifled. Ben ‘Bogan’ English has left now the damage has been done, and a new editor Jenna Cairney is due, or is already here. But the lack of a regular forum for community concerns being treated with balance and fairness has had one spectacular result … the paper’s sales have tanked and despite increasingly expensive bribe offers (a free Ferrari to new subscribers can’t be far away) few are swapping over the digital subscriptions. Townsville without a responsible, properly run paper is at a major disadvantage and even further from the recovery twaddle they regularly peddle. So the Townsville Bulletin and Editor English have played a pivotal role in the frustration and feeling of helplessness that pervades Townsville right now.

We no longer have effective voice that is respected by decision makers in George Street or Canberra. Or anywhere.

# 4: The Townsville voter.

Question mark

Frankly, the rusted-on rump of backward looking voters live by their own (mostly Labor) mythology and morality. They believe what they’re told and are somehow surprised when they find they’ve been shafted at every turn of the social compact. You folks are the real influencers and should hang your heads in shame. Townsville has gone back by a decade because of you, you chuckleheads.

The Memories Come Flooding Back

Read this little snippet with interest during the week.

Myers charged

And it’s a fair bet that old mate Bazza The Legal Foghorn Taylor did, too. Seeing an old business associate in strife is always upsetting for the sensitive and delicate of this world. Like Bazza.

Wayne myers

Way back when, Wayne Myers was a director of a company called Rennison. It started life as a mining company and then switched to telecommunications. In the 2000s, Myers had the bright idea to set up a company to create a regional Telco for Townsville. Richard Ferry became chairman, and a score of local businessmen were talked into chucking in something like $20 grand each. Bazza Taylor was among them, although it was his wife who was named as a director. Now to the best of The ‘Pie’s knowledge then and now, there was nothing untoward about all this if a deal that sees $20k equity from Council, all of council’s voice and data business and  an unsecured loan of, from memory, $800k, is regarded as on the up and up. Certainly nothing illegal.

The business offering was essentially a reseller product on the back of Optus. The only business guaranteed fees was Rennison. The rest was in the lap of the Gods.

 But The ‘Pie well remembers shortly after he mentioned Mrs Taylor’s directorship in the newspaper, blustering Baz went off his cruet, accusing The Magpie of ‘attacking my family’. Which of course was arrant rot, unless stating a harmless bit of public knowledge can be regarded as an ‘attack’.  Made one wonder, and still does, what you were so upset about, Barry.

Anyway, from memory. Myers tried to get an injection of ratepayer funds in the form of an equity injection and a large unsecured loan from then mayor His Radiance Tony Mooney.   Mayor Mooney thought about – after all, several of his major backers were involved, including Bazza – but in the end showed that he was no Jenny Hill and rejected the idea.

No idea what happened after that.

But Myers, who was for a while chairman of the Queensland arm of the Eddie Obeid now-discredited vehicle,  Australian Water Holdings, figured there was still a quid to be had from Walker Street. He met with Mooney and Craig Wallace to see if they could muscle in on a local water deal. And guess who Myers recruited locally to push the case? None other than our old mate Rabeah Krayem.

Mooney saw this one off as well, proving that we don’t always have to thank responsible leaders for what they do, more often for what they don’t do. Are you listening, Mayor Mullet?

In Passing

Seen to be a lot of walking dead zombie stuff on TV lately (no Walker Street jokes please) , so for a moment, The ‘Pie thought this headline in the Guardian was along those lines.

put down

Necrophilia, anyone?  But just turned out to be a whinge from some sensitive petal unhappy with the parents.

And do the sexual harassment scandals never end? In Britain, where the BBC stands accused of letting mega-kiddy fiddler Jimmy Saville get away with his grubby exploits for years, is back in the firing line again with sensational new charges coming to light.

sooty and sweep

There are unconfirmed reports that Hey Hey It’s Saturday’s Ozzie Ostrich is consulting lawyers.

…………

That’s it for another week, comments should as always be lively throughout the week, do join in. And if you think its worth it, a helping hand with blog costs will be much appreciated. The how to donate button is below.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.

186 Comments

  1. Vaping Vince says:

    Pie, for the love of cinnamon flavoured smoke mate, why are we two weeks from an election and you don’t even mention it? Let’s talk about what’s going to happen when we have one Labor MP in Tville, one LNP MP in Mund and one ON MP in Gowa. Does anyone have any goss on the canidates? If not let’s make it up. Why no mention of the hilarious “sex shop interview” this week? That was gold. Hand off the old worm, Old Bird, give us something worth reading.

    • The Magpie says:

      Plenty of worthy reading through your haze in the Astonisher old son. By the time Saturday rolls around, the farce that is the election has rolled on and been covered to death. But feel free to send in any comment you feel will amuse/enlighten/bore us.

  2. Crow says:

    No mention of the TCC’s insulting stonewalling response to the petition, or did I miss it?

  3. Cobalos says:

    The quote from Mr Simon Irwin implies that Sydney Towners & Melbournians are better of than us regional folk – we may not have the quality of print media they have in the big smoke, but I think the Oyster is up here.

  4. The old peterbuilt says:

    The rot has already started at the rock. Ayres that is A mate of mine just came back. His wife always wanted to see it and he says the resort is a disgrace and forty bucks for a six pack. He advises best thing to do is pull up down the road with a bottle of wine and watch the sun set over the rock, take your photos and leave. You will probably need to protect your wine with a hand gun or the like.

  5. Mike Douglas says:

    Two weeks to go in the State Election and with the annus horribilis first two weeks by Labor expect an avalanche of Union scare tactics in the media on asset sales and cutbacks to the Qld bloated public service.All this from Organizations that represent less than 14% of private sector workers.Current Qld Government has to get consultants in to do train schedules and who can forget Energy Minister Mark Baileys private emails along with his chief of staff to the ETU who are seeking massive increases for Electricians which will add further increases to Electricity Prices.Giving Mark Bailey and Grace Grace industrial relations is akin to giving the Fox the keys to the chicken coop.

    • The Magpie says:

      Two matters worthy of comment there … The ‘Pie has never seen an election where the government has mentioned – by name, usually a big campaign no-no – their opponents. Tim Nicholls is getting more name recognition from the premier and Trad than any of the LNP paid guff.
      And how under the union thumb is a Labor government that openly bribes train drivers to do what they are handsomely paid to do anyway, and what is expected from all of us … turn up for work. Extra perks if you don’t pull a sickie during the Commonwealth Games? There’s a stick to beat authorities with over the head in future.

  6. Narbloc says:

    I have heard that the people who receive meals on wheels have a Bulletin delivered with their meal I wonder if these papers are part of the circulation numbers?

    • The Magpie says:

      No its a ploy by the Meals On Wheels people to satisfy customers with smaller portions … they go right of their nosebags when they read the paper.

  7. Cantankerous but happy says:

    Interesting numbers about the astonisher Pie, there is no doubt that this massive drop in circulation is a result of a boycott rather than a drift away from the product and I am part of that, I just simply refuse to buy the paper these days, and until it starts genuinely advocating for the people of this town and starts scrutinising the Mullet, TEL and others my regular trip up the shop of a morning will not return. On a side issue I bet the people of Cairns feel a bit screwed over after losing their printing and jobs up there and then having to buy their “imported paper” as they call it, that now produce 30% more sales than the town where it’s printed.

    • Grumpy says:

      Just asking, Crankypants, but how you going to know the Bullsheet has a miraculous Damascene event unless you actually read it?

      It’s like the old trick of asking the Judge to rule on favourable, but totally inadmissible, evidence. He may indeed eventually rule that it is inadmissible, but to do so he must first read it. The moving hand having writ type of thing. Known in the industry as “blue horsing”

      • Cantankerous but happy says:

        Grumps I read the online which I get for free by way of an associate but can only access it on a tablet, which annoys the fuck out of me and I normally end up throwing it across the room in frustration, my preference is always to buy the print edition which I did up until the last year or so even though the digital was available. When the astonisher put in the effort to supply some balanced reporting I will put in the effort to get off my arse and buy it again each day.

    • Ms Braid says:

      Same here, refuse to buy it now even though I miss reading it on weekends. I’ll read a free copy at Maccas or wait till work on Monday for the lunchroom copy.
      PS. Premier in town tomorrow, any funding announcements I wonder for our beleaguered city?

    • Single purchaser says:

      I must admit that the only time we purchase the Astonsher is on Saturday and only once every three weeks. It is not read, but is used one double sheet at a time for the lining of the kitty litter tray.

      • Cherry Pie says:

        That made me smile, I was doing the same thing 20 years ago when I lived up there, except then it was for the bottom of the birdcage. Only thing it was fit for, I thought, and always thought of the Bulletin as ‘The Two Minute Silence’ because that’s how long it took to read it.

  8. Angry supplier says:

    Musical chairs being played in Palmer Street with The Lighthouse restaurant closed down, the Crown On Palmer (the premises of which are currently being sold by liquidators) about to close, and the owners of the Crown jumping ship to The Lighthouse.
    All this is down to a company going into liquidation.
    A guy involved in all of this is known as “The Water Boy” – because he’s always in liquid-ation.
    Would make for a very interesting story if The Astonisher did some investigative journalism for a change.

  9. The old peterbuilt says:

    Top has a confession to make. Because I could see no value in the astonisher I stopped buying it a long time ago but not wanting to miss out on something I’ve been nicking a copy on my morning walk. On Saturday the owners of said premises lay in waiting and caught top red handed. Rather than getting bludgeoned with a stick of sugar cane I got greeted with a cuppa and a jam drop and thanked for taking the annoying rubbish away. Now I am abliged to bring the bloody thing home every day.

  10. Achilles says:

    With apologies to Basil Fawlty

    Oh! shit Donald Trump in Vietnam……Someone, anyone tell him “Don’t mention the war.”

    But if he does mouth off and piss off his Vietnamese host, they can slam dunk him with “Who won the bloody war anyway?”

  11. Colin Foley says:

    I don’t know why my offerings never appear in these Comments, but I’ll have one last go:

    Those who missed “The Bolt Report” this morning should round up a replay. Bolt’s editorial on the culpability of the Federal Government, their Opposition and many sitting members of both parties was an eye-opener. To me, the totality of deceit by so many elected politicians went from being “a boring example of the games these dickheads play” to “Shit! This is serious. The Governor should intervene”

    Elephant

    • The Magpie says:

      The Magpie doesn’t know why they don’t appear here either … apart from the fact they’ve never been received. Check that your computer is plugged in, Col. Only in extreme cases are comments not published.

  12. The Lone Ranger says:

    Given the readership numbers, why do advertisers bother with The Astonisher any more?
    I’ve worked in media advertising and those numbers represent such a small percentage of the North Queensland population that advertising costs would need to be slashed to make buying ads from them value for money.
    I’ve heard that they were recently doing deals like $800 for a full page in full colour (used to be $5000+) but even that discount doesn’t represent value for money.
    Little wonder they look after Mayor Mullet, Adani and the other preferred clients in their Top 50 Most Influential list.

  13. Eclectus parrot says:

    A fantasy ending for the Grimm Fairy Tale.

    • The CCC is funded enough cleaning power to finally get rid of the stench coming from the Mayoral Office.

    • The CCC cleaning company recovers an $18.5M cheque made out to a billionaire.

    • The Impaler flies off on her broomstick after being chased by angry residents witnessing their city’s environments deteriorate with no financial gain.

    • The TEL Tubbies implode when their feeding tube from City Hall is blocked after demands that Council recognize the lack of brain function are heeded.

    • Laurence of Illiteracy collapses off his latest building project when the strings he is using to control the puppets at City Hall are cut.

    • No more Hayes can be made despite the sun shining, so it’s off to have another stadium millstone hung around another city’s neck.

    • The Employment card is shown to be a slight-of-hand in JJ’s game of High Stakes poker and the company he represents is run out of town.

    • The Astonisher recants its contract with Mephistophele, stops presenting fake news as truth and develops some integrity.

    • Residents heave a collective and deep sigh of relief.

  14. Dave of Kelso says:

    Worthy of inclusion in the Mayor’s CV is her unsuccessful persecution of the TCC previous CEO Ray Burton.

  15. Scientician79 says:

    The Astonisher has been complicit in the destruction of the Council and the town, cheering on form the sidelines. The sales numbers are dropping faster now. Several friends and relatives have dropped the paper in disgust over this airport deal and it’s shoddy reporting.

    I have a headline for them that would maybe help redeem their standing in the town: “Council in Crisis”.

    They could start by doing some digging and reporting on the true number of positions lost over the last 12 months (300? 400? 600?), the lack of leadership, and the rock bottom morale of the poor staff left to pick up the pieces.

    Then move on to the smoke and mirrors being played with this “surplus” funding for the airstrip – a quick read of the projected council borrowings from the last budget would be particularly illuminating.

    It’s fun to dream any rate.

    • The Magpie says:

      And now calling Mayor Mullet – any chance of some bloody transparency, you twister. Has work started on the airstrip and has money been allocated, or is this the usual lying bullshit from these Indian robber barons.

      • Scientician79 says:

        Interesting…does this mean they have started work without a cheque from council?

        I thought the deal was still being negotiated, which is why we couldn’t have a copy of the KPMG Report?

        Or has Council stumped up the cash and kept it quiet because of the backlash/petition?

        Or more likely, as your point out Pie, just stories they are telling because no one has eyes on the ground out at the mine site to dispute it.

        Liars and cheats all round.

  16. Alahazbin says:

    Little Pete Beeswax (No 13 in the Astonisher 50) latest stunt in going t court about the Go Kart Club exceeding there usage of their land. His motives are crystal clear. Win the case with the assistance of the piss weak Council, then offer the club a rock bottom price for the piece of freehold land so he can build a subdivision on the other side of the motorway which generates a lot more noise than a Go Kart track. Also see Barry Graham’s letter in the Astonisher.

  17. The Magpie says:

    The woman has no shame … or judgement.

    This really cheap stuff.

    A regular reader send in the following:

    Whaaattt?

    I almost lost my breakfast when I read the first line !!! … then luckily, kept reading. Mind you, check out the the council response to th first comment.
    . TCC is posting on their Facebook page and didn’t bother to search for Phillip’s picture … he has a wide open Facebook page, full of lovely pictures, which I am sure he would have happily shared if the TCC had messaged him!   His cause is a worthy one!”

    Well, The ‘Pie didn’t even need FB. There is no excuse for this sort of cheap trickery … whoever thought this up at the council …Dolan? naughty naughty – or was it Simpo Templeton? … only had to consult Tuesday’s council bible aka the Astonisher to get the actual two award winners instead of one and a desperate wannabee.

  18. Momentus says:

    A quick reminder for all enthusiastic Green campaign volunteers and readers to journey to South Brisbane for the Final Sprint and to ensure ‘a stand and cover’ for every street corner. Please remember there are a few spare rooms with bed on offer although not expecting Jackie T to have any fold outs available. The area between the big Tower in George St. and JT’s Vulture St office are best preference so call in the riverfront office for coffee and a cfmu biscuit, ask for Bails or Corrals. While in the area ensure you keep your eyes peeled for Adele the Impaler as Tsv rate payers seem to have lost her for the big event in the south east corner. Concern being the Tsv Mayor is again looking at available spare rate payers cash for a battery plant as Tim and Anna (what did you say it was ?) are now busy and the outback airport and many other promises around the City may not be taking off for some time. Reminder to always ‘keep clean and green’.

    • The Magpie says:

      Oh you are the very personification of drollery itself, M. May The ‘Pie point out that the words ‘Green campaign volunteers’ and ‘readers’ (of this blog presumably) have never before appeared in in the same, or even separate, sentences in this blog.

    • I'll be plucked says:

      This whole post reads like an alcohol soaked pile of faeces! Hey M, pluck off you Planker.

  19. The Rolling Eye says:

    When Mullet succumbs to the final stabbing from her cronies, her little muppet Dolan Hayes will disappear.
    He’s nothing but an chipped gravy boat/train.

  20. Woodduck says:

    Working at Collinsville at the moment, met a bloke out here who has been working out at the Carmichael site clearing land for the development. If this is true, Adani must be confident that it’s a goer and it’s full steam ahead, so why does he need the money from the Tax/ratepayers? A bigger question is has the Mullet handed over the 18.5 million already?

  21. The Minstrel says:

    Magpie, perhaps you could grace this week’s edition with a song..
    It’s long..but blame Don McLean not me. (With due acknowledgement to him).

    “Townsvillian Skies” (The Minstrel’s Lament)

    A long long time ago
    I can still remember
    How this city
    used to make me smile.

    Where everybody
    Had a chance
    By working hard and circumstance
    And everyone was happy
    For a while.

    But..

    The last election made me shiver
    With every ballot box delivered.
    Bad news on the doorstep.
    A day we all soon would regret.

    And I cant remember if I cried.
    When I read about Team HIll that lied
    A water crisis she can’t hide
    The day
    That Townsville..
    Died.

    We started singing..

    Bye bye blue Townsvillian skies
    Things got heavy
    We got Jenny
    And that Messagebank guy.
    Those back room boys
    We’re spinning
    Bullshit and lies
    Singing
    This is how a good city dies.

    Did she take the job with love?
    Or hold ambitions high above..?
    If the Party tells her so.
    Now do you believe newspaper polls?
    Can Adani save this city’s soul?
    And the silent councillors seem to be…
    Real…slow.

    Well we know that she’s in bed with him.
    Cause she’ll build his airport – that’s a sin.
    They’ve played us all for fools.
    Man I dig those A-dan-i blues.

    He was an Indian shyster with a billion bucks
    With a funded train line and some robot trucks.
    But Jenny – she didn’t give a fuck
    The day
    That Townsville
    died..

    And we were singing..

    Bye bye blue Townsvillian skies
    Things got heavy
    We got Jenny
    And that Messagebank guy.
    Those back room boys
    We’re spinning
    Bullshit and lies
    Singing
    This is how a good city dies

    This is how a good city…….dies.

    (Slower..)

    I met a girl who wrote the news.
    So I asked her for some truthful views
    But Domaniiiiii just turned away.

    I went down to the paper store
    Where I’d bought the paper years before
    But the man there said the paper lost its way.

    And in the streets the people screamed.
    The lawn has died – it once was green.
    Not a true word was spoken.
    Jenny’s promises were all broken.

    And the three men she admired the most
    His Radiance, Snooze and Whitlam’s Ghost
    They wished she’d piss off to the Coast.
    The day
    That Townsville
    Died

    And we were singing..

    Bye bye blue Townsvillian skies
    Things got heavy
    We got Jenny
    And that MessageBank guy
    Those back room boys
    We’re spinning
    Bullshit and lies
    Singing
    This is how
    a good
    city
    dies.

  22. The old peterbuilt says:

    As predicted and on key the multimillion dollar election splurge by the unions has begun dragging out the cambell Newman shit about thousands of public service jobs going. The fact that they still believe that this works tells me that they like me believe the average Australian voter hasn’t got a clue and are either too busy or too lazy to check the facts. The reality is unions have cost more jobs than any government. Classic example is stevedoring at portheadland. Wharfie demands bought about the design of a mechanical series of arms that grab and hold the ore ships while they are loaded and controlled from Perth and its only just begun.

    • Dave Nth says:

      Don’t think it is working out our way all of the angry ants posters have been ripped down & strewn about the place. Had to go into the CBD this morning to sort some Government stuff face to face & noticed Scott Stewarts posters defaced with the word useless. Never seen much other than a few posters kicked down or vandalised with moustaches or the likes before… Seems to be a lot of anger around, whether that goes to the LNP or PHON/KAP remains to be seen. I know where I think it will go…

  23. Miss Lou says:

    Always good,
    Always entertaining.

    Yours faithfully,

    Miss Lou.

  24. Gonzo says:

    Pie, A magnificent mauling of Mayor Mullet aka Jenny Hill. And I can understand why you’re not covering the Qld election to the degree the Astonisher is. I can’t decide what’s more boring: the election or the length of the same sex marriage campaign. At least the SSM results will be released this week, although we still have to face the conservative bills to come. If the citizenship crisis continues, the parliament will run out of pollies, which may be a good thing! Cheers.

    • The Magpie says:

      With you all the way Gonzo … don’t forget to have look at the spoof song, the Townsville Sky version of American Pie … hilarious and accurate! And you in particular will love the sports clip about American football commentary. Keep well, mate.

  25. The Magpie says:

    The ‘Pie rarely ventures into matters of sport, but after a lacklustre weekend the highlight of which was the straight faced assessment of Australia/Honduras match that ‘the Socceroos fought out a thrilling nil-all draw’ – what other sport could claim that statement? – the old bird was really taken by this littl gem
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSvMPCbcZzQ

    SPOILER: Bob Menery is an unemployed comedian not a sportscaster, and this is just his ‘Roy & H.G’ version of a call … and like all good comedians, he’s as funny as … well, as fuck.

    • Old Mudpicker says:

      It was a thrilling nil all draw ‘Pie. We football fanatics embrace the nil all draw. There was plenty of attacking football. Australia dominated for the most part but could not score. Honduras defended deep and attacked on the counter with their speedy forwards.
      It is a match played over home and away legs. Expect Australia to win at home but if Honduras get a goal or two, it may get very interesting indeed with Honduras only needing a score draw to beat Australia.

  26. The Magpie says:

    We reported on former Astonisher editor Lachlan Pinocchio Heywood’s unexplained departure from the Courier a coyuple of weeks ago. Turns out he’s joined the Daily Mail … which is a bit of a hoot, heading off to the one publication that is arguably worse than any News Ltd rag. Oh, well, he’s been schooled well.

  27. Ozzie John says:

    Oi Maggers, what the bloody hell are you doing putting that loonie leftie jenny hill number 1 in your list. FMD, she couldn’t come first in a two horse race with a stuffed toy pony. I hope they discuvver coal on yer propertie and let that injun Adoni mine it for free.
    And Adill number 2. Number 2 alright, She given me the shites good and proper. Then ya go ands put a pitcher of the two of em there.
    Bloody hell, the pare of em would scare a hungery dog outta a butcher shop.
    Stop it please. You now owe us a pitcher of the Kat in the Hat. Me wife reckons he gets sexier with age. Doesnt do nuffing for me but he gets me wife a bit wound up, so the old Ozman will be smiling. Heh Heh.
    Anyhows, things are great out the Black, bitta grass, trickle in the crick bed. Got the beer frigde stocked up with the home brew. One day Ill have a shin dig and invite ya out for a snag and a frothy.
    See ya then maggers.

  28. wally says:

    code B4nothing
    This chap is close to it:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztRXZsWiR48

  29. Guest at Bryce Hospital says:

    Townsville Council Propose 80 Metre ‘JT The Redeemer’ Sculpture On Top Of Castle Hill. Townsville mayor Jenny Hill has today announced a proposal to erect a 328 ft soapstone statue of Cowboys captain and future rugby league immortal, Johnathan Thurston, on top of Castle Hill
    http://www.betootaadvocate.com/breaking-news/townsville-council-propose-80-metre-jt-the-redeemer-sculpture-on-top-of-castle-hill/

    • The Magpie says:

      Really wish they wouldn’t do that … like the Beetoota boys are all for fun, but they’ll give the mad mullet ideas, and next thing you know, she’ll be looting the taxpayer for the project.

    • Igor says:

      Makes more sense than her ill-advised donation to Adani. At least we might see see something for the money.
      We are told Mayor Mullet has ancestral ties to Malta, but you must wonder if she also has family in the remote jungles of Papua-New Guinea.
      If she’s not a Cargo Cult worshipper, why would she build an airstrip in the middle of nowhere to attract planeloads of goodies from the Indian gods?

    • Kingswood says:

      Won’t be he extra metres then make the hill ‘Mount Castle’?

  30. The Abbott from Oonoonba says:

    Someone in Maccas was reading the “free” Astonisher the other day and as I was walking past the page was open at part of the “Shit hot Influentials” of the city. I read over the guy’s shoulder….No. 16 was Messagebank Walker ??????? I stifled my WTF outburst and reached the door for fresh air….

  31. Col Foley says:

     
    WHAT MADE JENNY HILL GIVE AWAY SO MUCH OF OUR MONEY?
     
    SURELY SHE DOESN’T THINK SHE IS “MAYOR OF NORTH QLD”?
     
    Re: TCC Spending $18,000,000 of our rates, not in our interests.
     
    A Mayor and Councillors have responsibility for their defined electoral area ONLY.
    The interests of the people living in that area are the only responsibility each council should serve.
     
    The Mayor of Townsville has no right to spend TCC monies (collected from ratepayers) in other jurisdictions.
     
    The Galilee Basin covers 13 local government areas; Barcaldine; Blackall – Tambo; Central Highlands; Barcoo; Charters Towers; Diamantina; Flinders; Longreach; Maranoa; McKinlay
    ; Murweh; Quilpie; Richmond & Winton. 
     
    It is 10 hours drive, 460km from Townsville.
     
    The Mayor claims spending $18,000,000 of our rates on an airport for Adani at Galilee Basin will create jobs, which Townsville is to share 50/50 with Rockhampton
     
    Adani claims the mine and related operations will generate 10,000 jobs. However, the Land Court of Queensland rejects this.
    The court instead accepted the evidence of Adani’s own expert witness, Dr Jerome Fahrer of ACIL Allen, who said the Adani mine would increase average employment by about 1,200 jobs in north Queensland.
    Do the sums: 50% of 1200 jobs is 600 jobs. Allow that maybe 100 of those workers find rentals in one of the closer 13 localgovernment areas and that is 500 jobs for $18 million, $36,000 per job created. Anyone reading this could think of much more productive job-creation schemes, for a lot less money.
    And, when Adani stops mining, we, the folk of Townsville, will have funded an airport 10 hours’ drive away, in the middle of what will be a waste-land.
    We won’t own it, so we won’t be able to sell it and we can’t in any way reclaim our money!
    The Mayor has limited commercial skills (being rabid Labor) but even she should realise these facts.
     
    So why did she push this hideous, politically dangerous, legally doubtful scheme secretly through her submissive councillors?
     
    If TCC Spending $18,000,000 of our rates is not in our interests, it makes you wonder who stands to gain?
     
    What could Adani have done to convince the Mayor to make a gift of $18M?

    • Dave of Kelso says:

      Corruption or criminal incompetence .

      • Whatareya? says:

        Many people I know here in TCC call her ‘Brown Bag Jenny’ for a reason…

        • The Magpie says:

          Don’t agree. The Mullet is trying to do a Mooney, and is awaiting her reward when she retires or more is correctly is retired (by the electorate). Let’s face it, she and hubby are so very well off, why take the risk. Then watch closely to which boards she is appointed and who gives her consultancy work …. although in the latter case, doubt it will financial folk like Price Waterhouse … but hang on, KPMG hmmmm … now there’s a chance.

  32. Dearie Me says:

    Word from Walker St is that the Impaler is now on her 4th Executive Officer since she was installed as destroyer in chief. And she recently lost her Executive Assistant, who found a better opportunity on the hospital board.
    I was taught employee turnover is an indication of organisational health. This one is sickly

    • The Third Reader says:

      I personally know one of the 4. Still working on getting her to tell stories of her time with this woman. She has plenty, but so far still scared of repercussions if they get out.

    • Alahazbin says:

      Have you heard that they have employed a 72 year old gent to run a department. Apparently he has got the shakes (literally). He had a meeting with his staff the other day and said there is an age problem within the department. ( Ya think!!!)

  33. Cantankerous but happy says:

    Gee the old Mullet is doing everything she can to not pump water from the Haughton, now there is an advice on the dam level website advising that the 15% level is a rounded down number and that the level is technically 15.4%. By that thinking the council can avoid pumping from the Haughton until the level reaches below 14.6% as that still rounds up to 15% , with this sort of technical spin you can’t tell me the council isn’t still in deep financial strife and is putting off pumping costs everyday it can.

  34. The Lone Ranger says:

    Re making Castle Hill into Castle Mountain.
    Many years ago there was a character who decided to raise the height of the hill to turn it into a mountain (apparently its only about a metre short).
    He took trailer after trailer of soil up to the top of the hill but the wind kept blowing it away and he eventually gave up.
    Maybe Jenny Hill could have another go. After all, if she can make a boat float up Ross Creek to the Cowboys stadium at low tide over the mud flats, she can do anything.

    • The Gnome from Nome says:

      The Lone Ranger, it would appear the “1 metre short of a mountain” is all bullshit. By visual inspection, Castle Hill is obviously higher than Mt. Louisa and probably Mt. Low and Mt. Margaret.

  35. Old Mudpicker-Owner of the beating heart says:

    Oooh ‘Pie. Its true. Kristina Keneally is running for Bennelong. Thats it for Ms Bishop and her wattle I am afraid. Sorry Grumpster. Special K will be the number 1 woman in parliament.
    Of course, she has to win first, but how could she not?

  36. The Wulguru Wonder says:

    I see TCC announcing with much fanfare in today’s Astonisher and on their website, that are are doing nothing more than what we expect them to do for the rates money we pay them.

    Quote: “Townsville City Council will launch Basics Blitz today with the program to be carried out over the next five weeks. The blitz will be in action seven days a week with council workers to clean and fix footpaths and gutters, remove graffiti, mow and weed public spaces, mulch garden beds and repair water leaks.”

    According to Mayor Mullet “During the next five weeks, Basic Blitz work teams will be out every day sprucing up suburbs and responding to reports of faults and problems in our public spaces, local streets, parks and laneways.”

    Well I’ll be buggered…..fancy that, a local Council doing what local Council’s are meant to do…..lets all get excited!

    • The Magpie says:

      More proof that its finally sinking in how deep she is in the shit. A whisperer has probably said the only hope is a back-to-basics ballyhoo, no one will realise that this is what you are meant to be doing anyway, it will look like an initiative. Your on the money, Wonderman/woman(?)

      • Achilles says:

        The PC dopey mob will chewing their hankies while going apoplectic and demanding the Pie be plucked and made to adorn sackcloth and ashes (tarred and feathered somehow doesn’t seem right) it’s Wonder PERSON

      • Old Moll says:

        Like the Wulguru Wonder, I was gobsmacked the Astonisher thought it newsworthy that the council was actually doing its job. Just shows how low our expectations have sunk.
        They will certainly need to work seven days a week because the few remaining workers will be spread fairly thinly.

        • Critical says:

          But will the Basics Biltx include removing all of the trash and rubbish from our suburbs like the hoodlums that occupy our suburbs.

    • Alahazbin says:

      Took our grand daughter to Queens Gardens today. She wanted a photo of Castle Hill (Mt Cutharinga)
      Boy! Is that a neglected piece of real estate. Maybe they could start there.

  37. The Awful Truth says:

    Pray for a big wet season without a cyclone. Most of the people capable of managing a disaster have left or are on the verge of leaving TCC.

    Bit harsh about Uluru, magpie. They’ve been asking us to not climb the rock for about 150 years now. For the record, you can’t climb the Kaaba, Westminster Abbey or the Washington monument either.

  38. The Magpie says:

    There are bomb sniffer dogs, drug sniffer dogs, even earthquake victim sniffer dogs, but a first for Townsville – a plot sniffer dog.

    Mayor Mullet has just purchased … with ratepayers money, of course …. a plot sniffer dog. Try as she might, she cannot find her lost plot and hopes that Guatam- that’s what she’s named the dog – will locate it. Don’t be surprised if it turns up Dolan Hayes briefcase. It includes strategies like ‘ get a photo with a lost dog …. people love it and it makes you look human … sort of.’

    • Dearie Me says:

      This smacks of the lame arsedness of the new Public Affairs unit at TCC. Cheap tricks, stunts and bad taste social media aplenty. Keep your eye out for more in the near future. Next they’ll be giving away steak knives to the first 10 callers. Ring and report a maintenance issue and you’ll get not one, but 2, free steak knives.

    • Conan The Grammarian says:

      Nothing so irresistible as an idea whose time has come: A Walker Street staffer with a legitimate biological reason for spending its day with its tongue up its arse!

      • Sandgroper says:

        Welcome back, Conan. We’ve missed you.

        • The Magpie says:

          Don’t stir him up … he was accidentally outed about thgree years ago, and decided on a name jumble. The ‘Pie took the liberty of re-outing him for his comment on Facebook. Can’t rresist a clever pseudonym.

    • IsYourNameIntheBook? says:

      The plots that concern the Mayor are the ones against her, of which she knows there are a great number. She can tell plotters by them not agreeing with her, not grovelling to her, or looking at her sideways. Posting on the Magpie is a sure sign.

      She is steadily rooting out the plotters and destroying them.

    • Alacan says:

      Sad looking dog

  39. The Wulguru Wonder says:

    It appears that Mayor Mullet has wandered off and got herself lost again…but no one wants to reclaim her!

    Either that or she is introducing us to the new CEO….

    https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154864159042657&id=277967602656

    The comments are priceless.

  40. Dave Nth says:

    Anyone know anything about these people authorised from Herveys Range? Saw the full page advert in my free SM because I spent more than $20 in an IGA. After sniggering and thinking no more of it up the link pops on another website I lurk on from down south….

    https://www.putthemajorslast.com.au/

  41. Kenny Kennett says:

    Kristina Keneally is straight onto the campaign trail in Bennelong. Lord save us. She fucked up NSW, she fucked up Basketball Australia and now she will fuck up Federal politics should she get in. Hopefully the Libs will do their research and ask questions on her exit from Basketball Australia after taken a six month sick leave break shortly after being appointed. And she openly admits today that she had no motivation to return to politics then ‘Bugger-me Bill’ rang her on the weekend and offered her the job. She said a big yes and the rest is history. Based on her history, it’s the future I’m worried about. And what was the carrot she was offered? Perhaps a big union bonus???

  42. Dearie Me says:

    I see WAFTAG has found itself a new diversion. Hydrosun. Now instead water in the dam, the city will be gifted, courtesy of the state, a big pile of shiny solar panels to float upon the dam…err mud. WAFTAG seem quite taken with this.
    The spruiker for this project, a Mr Adam Joseph, claims he has no political affiliations… pull the other one..it’s longer.

    Linda… Focus woman… Water… Focus on the water…

    • Grumpy says:

      There is a certain semi-regular blogger that has fairly definite ideas about the floating panels.

      Guy?

      • Kenny Kennett says:

        Yes Guy has offered thoughts on this. We should ask him when he gets released from the loonie bin.

        • Water Water Everywhere says:

          Interestingly enough, floating solar not only work better in terms of energy production (and could power the new Toonpan WTP, when it is built) but also drastically reduce evaporation (when there actually is water).

          This is not as hair brained as it seems and is being done in Japan (Typhoons) and China (land is cheap).

          Sure there are some engineering issues – nothing that could not be worked out though…

          Of course, we could just do what we have always done and end up with the same result….

          • Grumpy says:

            Oh yes…but I see they are also recommending yet another feasibility study. FFS

            And, as the Romans say, cui bono? Following the money almost always answers that question.

          • Alex DeLarge says:

            Last time I read, the massive floating pond in China was a tad disappointing in output. How’s the one going in Socialist Republic of South Australia – 4MW only for how much?

            Vern Veitch raised the issue of a potential catastrophic failure of RRD if the arrays got loose. That’s some “engineering issues”!

            Adam, what flavour snake oil are you selling today?

          • Mick says:

            en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shade_balls

            Apparently very effective in reducing evaporation.

          • Lady Byron says:

            Dear Water Water

            Its HARE brained, as in the rabbit. Just saying!

            LB

          • Alahazbin says:

            Have you ever seen the waves on the Dam lake when it’s windy?
            A solar farm would get smashed if it is a floating type.

          • The Magpie says:

            Ahh, somehow think science and modern engineering have had no trouble overcoming that , mate. Would be relatively easy to over come. (Please spare us a tedious technical explanation, smarties, it’s a silly notion to start with.)

  43. Cantankerous but happy says:

    I have had the misfortune of seeing the Mullet on a few occasions recently, and every time I see her I am trying to think who she reminds me of when she walks, then it dawned on me, Granny from Tweety and Sylvester.

  44. Mike Shearer says:

    On 12th September I received in my letter box a copy of Scott Stewart’s 2017 State Budget edition of his Community News. I emailed him:

    Your newsletter states on the front page that the budget will “support 3,300 local jobs”.
    The following pages mention only 750 jobs for the design and construction of a stadium, and 242 “local frontline services”.
    What about the other 2,300 jobs? Is that a Pollie Promise, or can you substantiate it with details?
    You claim that the Stadium will directly benefit local business and employment opportunities. Can you please provide more information, such as what businesses, located where.
    You didn’t mention Adani or the Cramichael Mine, regularly touted as a major generator of jobs and wealth for the region. Why not?

    I was actually wrong in my figures. The 242 frontline jobs had already been paid for “in just over two years”. And arguably the Newsletter was about government activities and not that of a rogue multinational it seems to want to be screwed by..

    I sent reminders on 4th October and 10th November, and received three phone calls from his secretary assuring me that I would receive answers by email just as soon as Scott had an opportunity to check the statistics (or words to that effect.

    On 12th November no email having been received, I sent:

    Early in September you sent me a copy of the 2017 State Budget edition of your Community News.  On 12th September I asked for clarification of several claims you made about related employment prospects.  That was two months ago.
    Since then I’ve had three phone calls from your secretary promising to send me your responses, but after you’d had time to check or whatever the statistics.
    The inference from your reluctance to respond is that the newsletter’s claims were never credible.

    I have since referred the Newsletter’s job claims to The Conversation’s Fact Checking service.

  45. Kenny Kennett says:

    The same sex marriage plebiscite results are in and the vote has given a Man Date. The Country is a better place and the Parliament can now be ‘BI’Partisan after a responsibly spent $122 million. Now many of you are critical of spending that much and yes I know it could’ve paid for 4 Adani airstrips, BUTT it is clear that the people are happy again. Now it’s up to the Politicians to vote according to the voice of their constituents not their own opinions. Abbott’s electorate voted 75% in favour. Let’s see where he sticks his vote.

    • Alex DeLarge says:

      The hyperbole surrounding the result has become quite hysterical. If my soccer team was odds on favourite and actually won 2:1, I would hardly be describing the result as a “overwhelming win” or an “incredible result”. Rather, I would say it was a close-run thing.

      The “Yes” vote in Herbert was slightly higher than the national average – which surprised me somewhat. I expected a majority, but something like 55:45.

      Now that the result is in, let’s just change the legislation and get on with the job of running the bloody country.

      To all the gays out there rushing for an appointment with a Marriage Celebrant, I can only say, Welcome To Hell.

    • Swinger says:

      Fat George said yesterday he is not voting for the legislation, although the nation, his State, and his electorate voted in favour.

      I hope the people of Dawson remember at the next election.

    • Cherry Pie says:

      Well, I for one am not happy, I voted NO! Just to be ornery and because I resented being forced to do something I had reservations about, i.e. vote YES. I got accidentally mixed up in a gay pride parade, while returning from a shopping foray on a Saturday morning, was nearly totalled by an enormous lesbian, who knocked over my nanna shopping trolley and never even said sorry. That more or less decided me how to vote.

      Anyway, it’s done and more or less dusted so I just have to get over it. All I can say is, go ahead and marry, enjoy your big day and when all the hoo-ha is over and the honeymoon is a fait accompli, just wait for the other shoe to fall. I’ve been married and it was shit after a while.

  46. Frequent flyer says:

    Sitting in Brisbane International Airport – 2015 and 2016 winner of Best Airport in the Asia/Pacific – right now and an ad on the big screen proudly outlines plans to expand the existing terminal at a cost of $120 million, funded by the company.
    In Townsville we have what must rate as one of the worst airports in the Asia/Pacific, purely because the company which owns the terminal won’t spend any of the millions of dollars it has made over the years to upgrade facilities.
    Instead they want the travelling public to pay for what will become company assets.
    And The Astonisher and our mayor think this is ok????

  47. Achilles says:

    So Mugabe may be gone along with his vile missus but it wont change they’ve done to a once prosperous and peaceful country.

    Once upon a time in Rhodesia there lay the ruins of ancient Zimbabwe: today in Zimbabwe lay the the ruins of Rhodesia

  48. Kenny Kennett says:

    Perhaps Simpleton’s rise to the Jenny Hill wank and vile is a sign for prospective Astonisher comrades that if you do the right thing by her royal hipness now, you will be rewarded later down the track.
    “You see Amphoney did the right fing by me when he was at the Astonisher and look how I rewarded him. He now has a dream job as my right hand man and believe me he uses that right hand a lot. I told him I’d arrange a head job for him and I that’s what he got.”

  49. Mike Douglas says:

    Interesting to see what the economists name the surge after Parliament approves same sex marriage.Certainly a boom for marriage celebrants,reception centres, caterers, bridal fashion, florists and lawyers( pre nuptials and divorce) claimed to add $ billions to the economy.Any suggestions?

  50. The Wulguru Wonder says:

    Please TCC if you haven’t got the staff, knowledge or care to keep your website current, why bother at all?

    The main page says that pumping from the Burdekin has started, yet the water supply and dam levels page states that “At the moment we are not pumping from the Burdekin Dam.”

    Which is it?

    • Ethan Hunt says:

      Congratulations are in order…you did well to find anything on the website.

      Your next challenge…should you choose to accept it. .. is to discover where the financial and corporate reports are

      • The Magpie says:

        Mayor Mullet and The Impaler keep these reports close to their chests … a proximity likely to deter anyone from seeking a peek.

  51. Interested Observer says:

    For three years the blinds at the front of Scott Stewart’s office have been closed. All of a sudden at election time the blinds are pulled back and the lights are left on all night.

    Not sure what difference he thinks that’s going to make. It’s far too late to try to convince everyone you’re working your little heart out Scott.?

  52. Achilles says:

    Not content with screwing up English, the TB has taken to Latin and ancient mythology (mythology is their stock in trade anyway) they state that the gold nugget found near Charlies Trousers has been named “Argus” which they say is Latin for rainbow, well FMD it’s arcus pluvius or iridis, you troglodytes.

  53. The Magpie says:

    In Greek mythology, Argus was a monster with a hundred eyes. He is the only recorded mythical monster to be killed by a handbag according to Merrimans:
    ‘He was killed by Hermes …’

  54. Interested Observer says:

    So the water pipeline will be delayed another six months in the hope that someone local can make the pipes. What a load of nonsense. Why would anyone tool up for what by national standards is a small job. What do you do after this project is finished. Where is your next job coming from. You would almost certainly go out of business after just one job. No wonder no one is jumping at the project.

    The only one to make any sense in the Bullsheet article was Linda Ashton who made the very same observation about a local company making pipes. Brad Webb and the Mullet are talking the talk but delivering nothing.

    What do we have over the next six months? A wet season. Webb and the Mullet are hoping it will rain. Watch the job back even further. The Mullet is a born liar and can’t be trusted to deliver. Perhaps she can get Adani to give back some of our money to properly secure our water supply.

  55. Memory Man says:


    What a bunch of desperadoes. A big headline to tell us one industry contributed around 5.5% of employment … for reasons unknown, the Gilded Few and their mouthpieces seem besotted by one industry – mining – when in fact the city / region’s economy is founded on much else besides. This distorted presentation of reality does no one any credit, and gets people flustered about things that aren’t deserving of the energy and effort. 

    • Mike Shearer says:

      Memory Man: minor corrections. I have it on the best authority that the 5593 jobs were counted (date not recorded) at 11:07am and at 14:21pm one of the cleaners quit. So 5593 is an exaggeration.. Also the $846 million ignored some relevant economic activity, like the pie man who delivered smoko at three of the engineering workshops and excluded his wife’s unpaid full-time labour, understating the economic benefits. Another issue is the economic multiplier used – it’s never been made public but if it was as suspect as that used to “prove” the economic benefits of the V8 Events the $846 million could be at least halved. (Interesting game, econometrics: outcomes depend among other factors on whether dice or dartboards are used, and what the required outcome was stated to be before the game commenced.)

  56. Memory Man says:

    http://www.townsvillebulletin.com.au/news/premier-snubs-north-queensland/news-story/416f308677e04062d7b9bdda3a25542b

    The ALP looks like this decided to give Townsville a wide berth. But the crack up in this piece is this little bit of inanity from Dear Little Patty, who’s quoted as saying: “It’s disappointing to know the Premier won’t be attending. The voters in North Queensland are exceptionally important to the outcome of this region.”

    Gee, NQ voters important to the outcome of NQ … what an insight! 

    • Oldtimer says:

      Fatuous waffle like that doesn’t inspire confidence in the ability of the Dudleys to help solve Townsville’s economic and social woes.
      Pudleduck has probably decided to give the debate a miss because she’s reluctant to defend the indefensible — namely the spectacular non-performance of her local MPs and her inability to stand up to pressure from the Greens.

      • I'll be plucked says:

        ‘Spectacular underperformance/nothing performance’ of the three local ALP members in the Townsville area is an understatement – what a bunch of wasters these three pluckers have been – pluck off, the three of you and take your ridiculous nodding heads with you!

  57. Achilles says:

    “Premium” content on front page of on online BT. its either hiccups or they’re taking lessons from Tony Abbott (little sir echo)

  58. Achilles says:

    So Jenny knows best, according to her retort the the Chairman of the Water Task-force, there is no 6 months delay.

    So why have the Task-force if you wont accept its diligence reporting? She’s probably pissed off with him ‘coz he told the media (well the BT) so now she’s using the kings new cloths approach.

    What was that about the God’s making them mad? She’s barking bloody mad.

    • Non Aligned Worker says:

      For anyone who attended the Wednesday meeting, it seems that the design for the 1800 diameter pipe is far from complete. EOI’s will not be complete until January 2018. Council can do some preliminary work on the alignment but it was categorically stated by the acting CEO that work will not commence until October 2018. There will be a lot of back room stuff done but pipes, machines for trenching etc.. October 2018. They hope to finish circa Oct 2019.

  59. Achilles says:

    The picture of the Mullet on page 2 TB online (freebee bit) her disdain is blatant while next to her a hand is raised in emphasis of a point or someone is saying whats the fucking point?

  60. Sandgroper says:

    The subs on my local rag, The West Australian, continue a proud tradition of subtly taking the piss with headlines. One this week that tickled my ribs was above a story about Tory Barnyardi and his homophobic mates demanding changes to Dean Smith’s SSM Bill. It read:
    NO CAMP TO
    PUSH ITS OWN
    WEDDING BILL

  61. Achilles says:

    Supplementary
    Royals mark 99th anniversary of end of WWI http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/latest-news/royals-mark-99th-anniversary-of-end-of-wwi/news-story/a3523df21ad73273f4c465daac6a3629

    The Queen and senior royals have joined servicemen and women past and present at the annual Festival of Remembrance as Britain remembered its war dead on Armistice Day.

    The Queen was accompanied by Prince Philip, Prince Charles and Camilla, Prince William and Kate, Prince Andrew and Princess Anne.

  62. Sir Ossis O'Fliver says:

    and?

  63. Ronny Ritten says:

    Who gives a rat’s….?

  64. Igor says:

    Pox these patrician parasites plundering the public purse!

  65. Non Aligned Worker says:

    Thanks SOOF

  66. The Magpie says:

    Well ritten, Rinny.

  67. The Magpie says:

    Ah, The ‘Pie’s golden rule … when in doubt, alliterate.

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