A very plausible story came to light during the week, which will send conspiracy theorists into transport of shivery delight. The ‘Pie reports.
Premier Anna Alphabet mugs the language again … watch out, Lewis Carroll.
Why has the Townsville Bulletin gone into slumber mode on the Hinchinbrook Resort sale, while reporters much further afield are ringing alarm bells?
Days of whine and posies – marriage – gay or morose – is much to the fore at the moment, and it has taken a pair of glamour irrelevancies to bring us back to ponder the logical extension of that … divorce.
And the sports commentators curse … the menace of metaphors – it can follow you to the grave.
But first …
The ‘Pie remembers from decades ago a Readers Digest snippet about the wealthy American dowager who was having trouble checking into a Paris hotel.
Frustrated, she bellowed ‘ Why can’t you foreigners learn to speak English?’
This came back when The ‘Pie realized we can no longer sit back in smug the-world-loves-us-larrikins superiority and chatter about ‘ugly Americans’. Indeed, no more, in a week in which we were treated to the unedifying spectacle of a group of boozy Aussie twats stripping down to their swimming togs after Aussie Daniel Riccardo won the Malaysian Grand Prix and promptly being arrested and chucked in the slammer for four well deserved days for their trouble, The fact that the togs had the Malaysian flag on them was a red rag if ever there was one.
Bentley reckons there’s a cut price memento in the offing.
Travellers should remember that it ain’t Koala Lumpur. It’s their country, their rules … as American dowagers have eventually found out.
The Metaphor Minefield
Rebecca Wilson and husband John Hartigan
It was sad to hear of the death of sports commentator and writer Rebecca Wilson, all the more troubling because she was claimed by breast cancer at age 54.
Rebecca kept her advancing breast cancer private and out of the public eye as much as possible, to protect her family from undue media attention (that she worked for the Sydney Telegraph as an sometimes abrasive columnist and was married to ex-NEWS Ltd supremo John Hartigan would’ve exacerbated the inevitable hounding from rival publications.).
She wrote and aired some pretty forthright opinions over the years, but as a wordsmith, she probably would not have minded The ‘Pie mentioning that even in passing away, sports natterers can’t escape the mangled metaphor.
In a somber but unfortunate moment, ABC veteran sports waffler Peter Wilkins told ABC radio ’It was typical of Rebecca that she kept her illness close to her chest’.
Oh, dear.
(Seems to be a thing with the ABC, The ‘Pie clearly recalls the near prang he had when an ABC news broadcast began with ‘The immortal Reg Gasnier has died.’ Seems immortality ain’t what it used to be.)
They Know Not What They Say
Speaking of mixed metaphors …an Astonisher headline writer apparently thinks our premier is a proctologist.
‘Staring down the barrel of the inner city Greens’? This is a completely jumbled attempt at folksy writing, but staring down Richard De Natale or Sarah Hanson-Young’s barrel does NOT bear contemplating.
Adele The Impaler – Here’s One For Ancestry.Com
Vlad Draculea Tepes aka The Impaler author of the best seller ‘Impaling For Fun And Profit: Putting A Spike In Your Bottom (line)’
Frontpiece from Vlad’s best seller
The fallout from the inexplicable, spiteful and brutal sacking of local art supremo Shane Fitzgerald continues to simmer across the ‘Ville, and is unlikely to go away any time soon.
Mayor Mullet and her hand-picked executioner CEO Adele The Impaler Young are deep into damage control on this single aspect of the ‘staff streamlining’ of Walker Street.
And it would seem it’s a problem that – no matter how it is resolved – will be a massive nipple twist for both of them. Let the ruling stand, and the resentment is likely to last through to the next election, in part because the performance of the council galleries will clearly show it and the latest annual report is about to be published showing another stellar year under Shane’s leadership. Not to mention the loss of hundreds of thousands of private dollars in funding from key patrons’ and the continued outcry about ‘bogans and bureaucracy in Townsville’ reaching out into the national art world.
And finding a way – any way – to reverse this piece of engineered idiocy and asking if Mr Fitzgerald even wants his job back now, can only result in massive loss of face – or what’s left of it. (But the Transylvanian Sisters won’t worry about loss of face, they can spare a bit, since they both have two each).
But here’s another bind. Reliable word has reached The ‘Pie that the deal with Adele The Impaler was to nip in, do the dirty work and keep it at arm’s length from Mayor Mullet, then quietly move on in about a year. Indeed, it is said she is on a year’s contract, but even a spiteful twerp like Jenny would know that would be too much of a giveaway of her ‘get square’ agenda. The ‘Pie hears a spin doctor was the main recruiter of Ms Young, and helped map out those terms for someone who was clearly could never have been the best candidate.
The fact that the public release of the Mullet-commissioned consultant’s report recommending the mass sackings has been put back by a week or so signals that the scramble is on for a ‘re-interpretation’ of the buzz-speak language.
The Mullet could always ask the advice of her sleep-over buddy Premier Anna Alphabet, who has demonstrated a fine command of political double speak this week.
Anna Goes All Humpty Dumpty
“When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean—neither more nor less.” “The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.” “The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master—that’s all.”
Through The Looking Glass
Lewis Carroll (1872)
This would appear to be the favorite Palaszczuk book, given her performance on several occasions in Townsville this week. This forked tongue specialist, who decide to infest the ‘Ville for yet another do-nothing talkfest over the past week, was feverishly rewriting the language as we know it.
Especially the linkage of the words ‘asset’ and ‘sales’.
Somehow, Our Anna believes asset sales aren’t asset sales unless it’s the LNP that says it is going to divest certain government holdings over to the private sector.
Now The ‘Pie does not wish to go into the issue itself … that is, asset sales … but has been bamboozled (yes, yes, easily done, I know) by the convoluted waffle from our first lady. In January last year, Ms Palaszczuk said her government ‘would not engage in a short sighted fire sale of assets owned by the people of Queensland.’ Yet she has been braying around Townsville that prime parcels of government land are up for grabs to the private sector for some ineffective and wrong-headed infrastructure priorities..
It’s pretty plain and simple, even to plain and simple people like The Magpie, this is asset sales … plain and simple. Whether right or wrong (and while there’s a big differences between a few hectares of tasty land and a thriving profitable port, the big wrong might be the precedent set), it is the mugging of language and the resultant intelligence insult which is the most galling.
This Humpy Dumpty premier is starting to lose her balance on that narrow parliamentary wall, and if she falls, she’ll never be put together again (and her deputy Jackie ‘The Treacherous’ Trad won’t even try).
Here’s Something You’re Unlikely To see In This Blog Too Often
Look this is just a time saving device, The ‘Pie is about to do an old colleague and friend a disservice … and recommend a Bulletin opinion piece to you.
The difference here is rather than criticise said piece, The ‘Pie does genuinely recommend it to you … although it may cost him an earful, since Magpie praise does not go down well at the Astonisher. But its a public service – The ‘Pie well knows that very few readers of this blog bother to read the Astonisher.
Shari ‘Taggers’ Tagliabue
Sharri Tagliabue has written a piece of which The Magpie would be proud, and with which the old bird agrees – every word. As a writer of opinion pieces, our gal has become well rounded in the past decade (well, she always was sorta well rounded, something The ‘Pie always kept a furtive but futile eye on when she was a colleague and chum) to the point where she is easily the best columnist in the paper … and she is no bum kisser. As with all columnists, (and bloggers), it’s a hit and miss affair week to week, but this article stands out because it eloquently says what so sorely needs to be said,
Sorry, Taggers.
But The ‘Pie Can’t Be Cosy WithThe Paper For Too Long
Seems the reportorial snoozing continues down in Flinders Street West when it comes to recent sale of the Hinchbrook Resort to a questionable American mob connected with finance fink Craig Gore. A glowing report that everything is hunky dory is all we have got so far, but it would appear that a paper 1000kms to the south knows more about what’s going on locally that our own ‘leader and shaper of opinion’. The Courier Mail carried this story during the week, which one would’ve thought would be right up The Astonisher’s shock-horror alley. Or are there advertising dollars involved?
‘Til Death – Or A Tasty Prenup – Do Us Part
While all the talk for some time has been about gay marriage (The’Pie’s only small niggle is the use of the word itself, otherwise, tain’t none of his business)
But has taken the Brangelina dust-up to bring to the other end of the road, that is divorce. (Does Brangelina need to be translated for The ‘Pie’s walking frame crowd? … BRad Pitt and ANGELINA Jolie have had their own pop culture identity as a glam couple for a decade … just is case you have just come out of that pesky coma).
Their headline break-up (The ‘Pie is with Brad here … I mean, eight bloody kids, I’m outta there) has everyone atwitter – literally. But legal friend, the recently retired Judge Clive Wall (enjoy having the feet up, yeronner) sent in a couple of interesting snippets from the time that divorce took up a lot of the courts time, not to mention lots of sneaking around, flash bulbs and camera rolls.
As far back as 1925, Mr Justice Swift (a pommy judge, but we based our laws on theirs in those days) suggested that couples wanting to cut the knot should simply go before the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths and simply say they no longer wanted to be married. (Sounds almost Islamic). And the Lord Chief Justice, a cranky old coot called Lord Hewart, went a step further and suggested that divorces should be handed out at the post office like dog licenses ‘but half-a-crown cheaper’. He resented that ‘his’ judges were being asked to spend laborious days scrutinising hotel bills and listening to chambermaids with superhuman powers of memory.
It took the world a while to catch up with these enlightened views.
And here’s a thoughtful angle about the gay marriage brou-ha-ha.
On The Off Chance You Missed It Age
Posted in comments during the week, but worth another outing as BooBoo of the Decade.
The Magpie
October 3, 2016 at 11:44 am (Edit)
Just to prove it ain’t always just the Astonisher or News Ltd.
COCK UP OF THE WEEK … (SO FAR, IT IS ONLY MONDAY).
This morning, Melbourne awoke from grand final hangovers to this ad in the Melbourne (Fairfax) Age.
Of course, for those just returning from a weekend on Planet Zog, Footscray (sorry, Western Bulldogs for the youngsters) scored a famous victory over the Sydney Swans.
‘In spite opf the disappointment? The ‘Pie should be so sad.
It was a classic case of lax checking of a standard practice … as with last year’s effort by the Astonisher ahead of the Cowboys grand final, when winning and losing front pages were prepared (The Astonisher got it right).
Red faces and grovelling apologies all round from the Age – might not sound too drastic to anyone outside Melbourne, but down there, golly …
Mind you, News rival the Herald Sun probably won’t go too hard in the face of history. The Hun set the standard with the wrong result of the ’93 election.
Paul Keating added a pithy historic comment for one voter when shown the front page.
And Finally, Old Traditions Adapt To Modern Times
So much for the time honoured chat with the barber.
See you next week … and again, any help with defraying the blog’s cost will be greatly appreciated. ‘How to donate‘ button below.
