Don’t like Maccas ?… Then you’ll be having the Hungry Jack’s election, whoppers everywhere with everything, right across the land. The ‘Pie takes a nibble at the issue.
Locally, the Astonisher continues to sink slowly but noisily in the west …, the latest readership figures beg the question how low can you go before something’s gotta give – that is numerically low; ethically, the bottom has long ago been reached. The ‘Pie seeks answers on one crucial issue from Ben English.
And could there be a surprise ‘unknown’ about to spring forth in the race for the White House? The ‘Pie thinks so.
And Bentley’s back – yay!!!
So to the week, in which we saw Anna Alphabet and Trad the Treacherous now up against Tim Tam and The Freckle. Nothing more to be said on that front at this stage (after all, they are only the opposition.)
Is That A Dagger I See Before Me … Not In Queensland, Macbeth, You Perve
Our ace ‘toonist Bentley is back from his break, and was mightily taken by the arguments nudists put forward that they should be allowed to drop their tweeds on their own legal beach at a resort on the Sunshine Coast. The request has been met with Joh-era harrumphing about ‘attracting deviants’ (does he mean the police?) and now the nudists (or ‘naturists’ as they sometimes grandly style themselves) have been knocked back flat by Police Minister Bill Byrne on’ public safety grounds’. OFCS! But the petitioners have copped a firm smack on the cheek and will now just have to grin and bear it … but not bare it.
Nudism does bring its own problems, though, as Sir Robert Helpmann pointed out all those years ago. When asked why the usually exhibitionist dancer and actor knocked back a main role in the nude musical Oh, Calcutta!, he said ‘because not everything stops when the music does’.
Police Minister Byrne no doubt agrees with the late rugby league brayer Rex ‘Moose’ Mossop, who, on the same subject in Sydney many years ago, said ‘I’ve got nothing against genitalia, I just don’t want it rammed down by throat’.
For the record, although there are many unofficial nudist beaches in Queensland where folks let it all hang out, it remains illegal everywhere in public in this state.
The More Things Change Etc
So we’re off and limping towards a July 2 election, and in that time, we’re likely to see more flips flops than a Mount Isa magistrate does in a year. Talkbull starts out on the trail a mystified man, according to Paul Zanetti.
Not that Mr Zanetti has much faith in the speech coaching and presentation training of the Short Un.
But the Prime Minister socked it to some critics … including the full-of-himself Townsville Bulletin iditor, who mysteriously wrote during the week, that Mr Turnbull had better have ‘more than a rabbit up his sleeve’. And presumably some aces in his hat, eh, eh?
Well, if the $2billion Singapore Defence Training Agreement is a rabbit, it’s name must be Thumper. Be enough to make Ewen ‘The Town Cryer’ Jones start leaking moisture faster that a Mother Mary Statue at Lourdes. Job security has been a constant anxiety for Jones … his own, that is.
But Larry Pickering sees a much more sensitive and caring PM on advising the PNG government.
Open Letter To Editor Ben English
Astonisher Editor Ben English
Let’s use your correct name and title because this is a serious point for this community.
In last Saturday’s editorial, about the questionable timetable of accelerated government projects to ease unemployment, you state:
‘A survey of 153 of the 800 displaced QNI staff revealed that just three have gained work through the Government’s initiative. Nine others are in training. While by now means a scientific study, that result suggests that just 14 staff displaced by the QNI collapse have benefited from the government initiative – 2 per cent.’
The flaw in this piece of selective scolding is this; intentionally or otherwise, you seem to be creating two tiers of Townsville unemployment – the top tier – seemingly more deserving, at least that’s the impression – are those sacked by Queensland Nickel, and below that, the thousands of others who lost jobs in other struggling enterprises and the mining downturn. You’d better believe it when The ‘Pie tells you there is a great deal of simmering resentment with the paper over the emphasis and overkill about the QNI workers, laudable as it may be. A whole block of people are feeling left behind and left out by you, in your worthy quest to (at least appear) to be the workers’ champion.
An unemployed person is an unemployed person. Did any of those jobs NOT filled by QNI workers go to others also out of work? Do you know, did you ask? If not, why not? If they did, is that not reportable good news?
Your statement quoted here begs a lot of angry questions, and the last thing this town needs is another artificial division in the community caused by the corporate ambitions of the newspaper’s editorial policy on the issue.
Mr English, friends in the industry in Sydney tell The ‘Pie you are well thought of as a communicator, writer and boss. Here’s one example where those skills should come to the fore.
Like the bloke with the Mars Bar, being the editor of this community’s sole newspaper comes with great responsibility. Do your embarrassingly silly photoshopped front pages like last Wednesday if you will, but you will buy yourself further pain for any callous attitude towards those you say you champion.
Moving on.
Idiotic Quote Of The Week
Sydney real estate mogul John McGrath
Crowded field, but this flim flam man John McGrath gets the nod.
‘Townsville’s halcyon days are upon us. History shows that out of adversity comes greatness. It always does.’
That would be news to General Custer, let alone the Belanglo State Forest hitchhikers . But there ya go, all you local jobless, hang in there, you’re all gunna be great. Somehow. There was a whole load of this intellectually shallow fridge magnet philosophy cobbled together to make up a puerile speech at a Townsville Bulletin/TEL luncheon on Thursday ($85 for some chicken and chutzpah, ta muchly.)
It must’ve taken more front that Gina Rinehart waltzing with Clive Palmer to keep a straight face for the audience of a tough-times town, given Mr McGrath’s recent publicity in Sydney; disgruntled investors reckon he ripped them off to the tune of $37 million by an either clever or clumsy public float of his real estate empire. It is unlikely that Mr McGrath had anything beyond a bit of uninspiring cheerleading to tell Townsville. The last thing we need now is being patronised by some southern irrelevancy.
But even if it was their own gabfest, The Bulletin still managed a neat little cock-up for our amusement. This from comments during the week.
The Magpie
The Townsville Bulletin Makes A Meal Of It – Yet Again.
It seems, having sacked all the subs, this paper today PROVES it doesn’t even know what time of day it is.
The caption says breakfast but the second par of the story says lunch.
Hey, could’ve checked your own paper just about any day of the previous week.
Bit hard to miss, eh? Especially the bit about 12 til 2. But The ‘Pie will admit he knows some Bulletin folk who surface around that time for breakfast. Probably the caption writers.
Yes, a small matter maybe, but indicative: if they can’t get the little things right on their own promotions, why should we believe they ever get it right on the big things in news? Because they don’t.
This is just one example of many of the cut-price journalism we are contemptuously served up every day by Ben Bogan and the Townsville Bulletin..
But The Numbers Tell That Story Anyway
The latest Roy Morgan readership figures confirm that readers continue to bail out in embarrassing numbers, while many other publications are flatlining (or in one astounding example, dragging back losses … more on that in a sec). Figures are for the first quarter of 2016.
The Astonisher has dropped 10% of its Monday to Friday readers in the three months to March, and the same period saw another 4000 drop off the Saturday edition.
And still they wonder ….
Elsewhere, A Minor Miracle
Have a squizz at those Gold Coast Bulletin figures! Editor Cath ‘Wobbles’ Webber has not only overcome the negative performance of her predecessor Peter ‘Typo’ Gleeson but also seems to have tapped into her audience better than any other regional editor, to the extent that she has PICKED UP readers. Especially with a stellar boost on Saturdays of 13,000 punters, from 73K to 86K. A gal on the go, one would would reckon.
As for Typo’s current charge, the Sunday Mail, it’s discarded a further 44,000 readers in just three months, a rate that that will plummet it below 660,000 readers by the end of the year.
in both cases, it would seem just rewards all round based on performance and ability.
The American Campaign: The ‘Pie Has A Surprise Theory
And that theory is that a complete unknown – as yet – could easily get to the White House, carried shoulder high through the streets by a grateful populous.
Here’s how it works. Remember when Donald Trump fog-horned that he was so popular, if he went out on Fifth Avenue and shot someone, his popularity would still rise? Well, if someone on Fifth Avenue got in first and shot Trump, their popularity and excellent judgment (and aim) would get them all the way to the Rose Garden celebratory BBQ in jig time. Who wouldn’t vote for such a hero?
But alas, it seems destined not be … Trump will at the very least be the candidate for the fancy dress fringe of politics that the Republican right wingers have become – a candidate cross between The Joker and Les Patterson.
Little doubt that The Clint will triumph over The Clown.
Religion And Guns Will Be A Big issue In The US Campaign
Although consistency won’t be.
So there.
Greens Are Greens Everywhere
The ‘Pie hears that the American conservationists have are getting into the gun debate big time, and have started a campaign to even up what they think is an outrageously unfair advantage during the hunting season.
THE RIGHT TO ARM BEARS (is it in the Constitution?)
Maybe they could let a few of them loose on Fifth Avenue.
And Finally, A New Innovation Nation Job Opportunity
If this really is the Planet of the Apps, US TV host Conan O’Brien sees a bright future for support staff.
GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST
Don’t forget to join in the comment right through the week, easy to do. And if you think it’s all worthwhile, lend a hand to keep the bailiff from the Nest and make a donation. How To button below. And thanks to all those who have already offered their invaluable support.
