Soft heads and soft footpaths – the latest lunacy in how to yet again avoid the obvious answer to boozehounds gone beserk.
Mayor Mullet introduces her final team member – and The Magpie has the back story of why Murray Soars is a last minute ring-in when the initial choice – a Labor stalwart – got cold feet.
Mongrel the Barrister has a cunning theory on Jenny Hill’s subtle campaign strategy.
… and the rooting ‘roo that fooled the nation.
BUT FIRST, PUT THIS IN YOUR DIARY.
Vern Veitch – The 2% Man
Current Deputy Mayor and soon-to-be independent councillor candidate Vern Veitch has ensured that we will know where councillors stand on the 15% pay rise rip-off recently approved by an out-of-touch Remuneration Tribunal.
He has requested a report on the pay rise issue (see last week’s blog) from CEO Ray Burton, which will be debated at the council meeting on Jan 27th. The issue is so simple in choice (a reduced rise amount, no rise at all, or do nothing an get the thieving lot) that there can be no doubt such a report can easily be forthcoming in that time frame.
Vern says he will vote only for 2%, the amount our defence force personnel had to fight tooth and nail for last year.
This rise is purely for elected mayors and councillors, so the council bureaucrats have no ax to grind in delays, they simply have to lay out the options for debate. The vote will be in open council, and The ‘Pie for one, will be counting.
Astonishingly Good Little Headline
With arch arsehole Clive Palmer this week plummeting from hero to zero by sacking a quarter of his nickel refining staff at Yabulu, the headline punsters across the nation were sniggering away at their own cleverness. But the best job of describing Fatso’s fall from grace was this little headline in Townsville Bulletin’s on-line edition.
Reckon it would’ve been at least as good as today’s print issue fronter ‘SHAFTED’, but quite so, on both counts.
But The Astonisher Gets The Worst Headline Of The Week, Too
‘Hurt’? ‘Scuffle?’
You’d think some junior sub had been hit in the head. Or ought to be.
When AAS Makes an Ass of You
Certain academics – known hereabout as acadils and boofademics – have expounded a theory called Approach Avoidance Syndrome,(AAS) which is the fancy $100 phrase for a mixture of ‘procrastination’ (‘delay, postpone, put off doing something’) mixed with a hefty dollop of ‘prevarication’ (‘speak or act in an evasive way’).
If the theorists ever need a text book example of Approach Avoidance Syndrome, they need look no further than the cowardly twaddle surrounding the alarming explosion of alcohol fuelled street violence in Queensland in general and Townsville in particular.
Here is an issue with an obvious solution that politicians of all stripes are too lily-livered to act on, that is, to legislate to close venues much earlier, like perhaps last drinks one am. No lock-outs, leaving aimless and angry drunks on the street to cause mayhem.
Just piss off.
But no, every cockamamie issue dodging the bleedin’ obvious (including the ludicrous lock-out system) has been trotted out from time to time, all costing the taxpayer a barrow-load for wallopers to be kindergarten cops babysitting thuggish oafs and trollops who’s idea of a night out is get completely plastered and aggressive. And don’t forget the overworked ambos and hospital staff, described this week in the Astonisher as ‘punching bags’.
The latest bit of flapdoodle came from a no doubt well-meaning Townsville teacher, who took the Nanny State cotton wool view to a ludicrous level … rubber footpaths, like kids’ playground paving.
The theory goes that when someone in a punch gets snotted and goes down with a thud, any blow to the back of the head will not be fatal or hopefully not serious
Geez, what next? Well, Bentley has an idea, why not make the whole of Via Vomitorium one big kid’s bouncing castle.
It’s doubtful this idea would work anyway – the full force of an unconscious adult going down would be an impact incomparable with a playing kid going for a burton. Proponents of this cater-to-the-drunks lobby say its already been done elsewhere but The ‘Pie can’t find any evidence of its success or otherwise.
No matter, this silly thought bubble sends entirely the wrong message – that there will always be violence and therefore it has to be accommodated. This could make coward punch specialists believe they have a safer license to hit victims because they won’t get hurt. It’s tripe – all this prancing around the issue, rather than taking the one single measure that interstate experience has proved to stop violence dramatically … earlier closing. As a side issue, this would put a big dent in pore-loading in the ‘burbs before arriving already shickered in Via Vomitorium.
And don’t heed the bleatings, lies and self-justifications of the self-interested crapulous venue owners who want to be able to continue ripping off drunks in the befuddled early hours. In that now well worn phrase, taking opening hours advice from licensees would be like taking bushwalking tips from Ivan Milat.
Secret Problems of a Jihadist Hero
Seeing people killed is always a confronting experience, but when you see a couple of bumbling murderous sociopaths kill themselves before they can kill a bunch of innocents prompts certain mixed emotions To his eternal shame, when The ‘Pie saw those two nitwits in Jakarta suffering premature eject-ulation from the human race this week, he actually laughed out loud. It was like a Roadrunner cartoon. And he shamelessly smiled when he found this in his inbox soon afterwards.
Hard to tell people that fairytales just don’t come true. t.
A Rootin’ ‘Roo Takes Us All For A Ride
This photograph, send into a newspaper from a bloke in Hervey Bay, captured the nation’s heart … indeed the world’s … when it was promoted as a kangaroo tenderly lifting his partner’s head for one last look at their joey before she headed off to those boundless skies.
Now, the big grown-up’s word for this is anthropomorphism, attribution of human emotions, motivations and behaviour to animals.
As ever and often, BIG mistake.
Once everyone had put away their hankies and honked into a tissue or two, a ‘roo expert coughed politely, said ‘Ahem’ and told the papers – in this case, the Guardian – that it was, somewhat accurately, all bollocks, and that the kangaroo name must’ve been Roger, because that’s what he was attempting with the ailing missus. The bloke who took the picture then admitted that they had ’been going at it ‘ for more than an hour prior to the pic, so that may well be right., and mum decided to have the ultimate headache
She probably died of shame when he took no notice of her admonished ‘not in front of the child, Roger.’
But since the pic appeared in the Guardian in London, there was a pommy kick-fest in the offing. It came in the form of their cartoonist Steve Bell.
Anthropomorphism should not be applied to catoonists, either.
Except Bentley.
And While We’re Telling it The Way That It Is …
The ‘Pie is renowned for doing just that, telling it the way it is (humblebrag, humblebrag) but it seems this is a characteristic of all those with the name Pie.
In the 70s, The ‘Pie worked with pommy news outfit ITN in London. As a field producer, he knew many of the likes, dislikes and foibles of a generally great bunch of reporters, and knew that off camera, many were seething about some aspects of their jobs. It often had a lot to do with ego and social class, a real big deal in English media at the time. It seems an hilarious breaking point came recently for one such reporter, Johnathon Pie,which resulted in a classic of angry, impromptu comedy when he decided to tell the real news.
So Your Very Own ‘Pie Will Now Continue With The Local ‘News’…
Mayor Mullet introduced her final and surprise team member for the March council during the week. This from the Magpie comments during the week.
The Magpie
January 11, 2016 at 3:25 pm (Edit)
Well, that didn’t take long, did it?
Mayor Mullet introduces her final candidate for Team Mullet, local identity Murray Soars …
… who immediately makes a mess of things by splattering himself with a ill-advised gob of mud he tried to throw at his Division 8 opponent Ray Gartrell.
….
Mr Soars very first public pronouncement was simply wrong, the product one would hope of poor or non-existent research; it would be sad to think it was an easily found-out deliberate campaign lie.
The Astonisher quotes him saying today:
… ““The current local councillor (Gartrell) was part of the Townsville First team that voted to shut down Worinda in Vincent, which was one of only two council run occasional care centres in Townsville.”
Really, Mr Soars? That doesn’t quite square up with this from October 2014.
Rather than waffle on about meaning he was part of the team whose other members voted down the proposal, just say ‘sorry, mate,’ and get on with some real campaigning.
And The Back Story Of The Selection
But the he was meant to be a she, so what happened? Well, local Labor has more leaks that the Queensland Pathology Labs after US Navy shore leave. So it wasn’t too hard to find out the following.
The final candidate was to be one Donna Yates, a well known Labor activist who has been trying to get a gig on a council team since the Mooney days. The deep throats around the place say that Jenny owed Donna a political payback for past favours, so she invited her on to her team. Only problem was it was a matter of expedience for Mayor Mullet to tick off an outstanding debt to someone to whom she ain’t all that close. So The Mullet planned for Donna to run against Ray Gartrell in Division 8, against whom she would most certainly lose.
Donna is politically no dummy, and it seems she worked out what was going on, and whether she delayed in her acceptance hoping for an easier slot or the Mullet tried to convince her, the story went about that the mystery woman would be announced late because she was concerned of business repercussions if she declared early.
That of course was transparent hogwash. Donna runs a hearing testing business, which is hardly at the mercy of some sort of political boycott. Finally, it is said she pulled the plug, knowing she was being set up.
Maybe.
Marvellous what you don’t read in the Bulletin, innit?
Some Think It’s Not Too Marvellous What You Read Here
That photograph of Mullet and Soars (no punning jokes please) had a lot of people making comment down the MagpieFone about the mayor’s sartorial, nay, overall personal presentation.
That resulted in this from comments.
The Magpie
January 12, 2016 at 11:55 am (Edit)
Like Martin Luther King, The Magpie had a dream.
In his fitful slumbers earlier this week, the old bird beheld an ethereal Mayor Mullet looking triumphant and shimmering.
She batted her eyelids (the noise was deafening) as she playfully ruffled the head-feathers and gave the old bird a friendly chuck under the chin. She leaned close and huskily whispered through a golden haze, ‘Pie, we ain’t ever gonna be BFF, but your support for MY zip-line idea has fired me up to think of other simple but lucrative attraction for our city. AND I’VE GOT IT. A different sort of zip-line!
A TOWNSVILLE FASHION WEEK! After all, looking in the Savvy and Duo social pix, we are the very essence of style around here – if you come from Townsville, you are born with that innate sense of style that others have to strive so hard for.’
Her voice took on an heroic note, and music swelled in the background as she looked aloft and held out a questing hand towards the stars a la Judy Garland.
‘You can have your Milan, New York and Sydney, the catwalk in the ‘Ville will outshine ‘em all.’
‘And I shall, as I always do, lead by example. Let me show you what I mean’, and at that moment, fairy dust glittered in the air, and a gown not out of place in Frozen started to take shape around her svelte, trim figure.
And then poof … The ‘Pie suddenly awoke.
But he thought what wonderful ideas come from dreams. It seemed so real, and so feasible. Heady thoughts of the glitterati of the fashion world descending on Townsville were swimming before the old bird’s eyes.
Then he opened the paper.
It was only then that he realised realised, Jenny wasn’t born in Townsville.
Now some were a little miffed with the old bird for making merry jests of this nature, viz
Begone January 12, 2016 at 9:57 pm (Edit)
Obviously by your last comment Pie, you have the physique of a god?
… which culminated in this.
J jones
January 13, 2016 at 8:54 pm (Edit)
Dumbo still has her covered
Bit low having a shot at how she dresses
- The Magpie
January 14, 2016 at 9:15 am (Edit)
Jonesy, The ‘Pie didn’t rush to judgement with his satirical comment about a Townsville fashion week, he’s not that wet behind the head feathers. He gets enough free character readings without having reason to deliberately get the clitorati after him as well.
It is really interesting that at no time in the Magpie’s comment was the mayor’s manner of dressing mentioned – so even you, through your prim scold of The ‘Pie, tacitly agreed with the point of the post, a conclusion you drew after seeing the photograph. Otherwise, why say it’s low? Why not ‘I don’t agree, Jenny looks great’, or ‘What do you know about dress sense?” A legal chum said he didn’t see the point of the Magpie comment, what did it mean?(Yeah, right.) One published comment suggested the pot/kettle scenario, asking did The ‘Pie have the physique of a god. (FYI the old bird once had the body of a Greek god, but now he just looks like a goddamn Greek- old joke.)
The MagpieFone ran hot when that pic appeared.
One of the strengths of The Magpie’s Nest is that you will find many non-rabid things that others are thinking but not game to say, (like no to a stand-alone stadium.)
The ‘Pie figured that if someone fights as hard and at times as dirty as Jenny did to become mayor, she assumes certain unspoken responsibilities as the face and persona representing this community to the world. And like it or not, the way she appears is part of that, that’s part of the politics of perception (refer Jacquie Lambie who had enough nous to book herself in for a cut and polish which (almost) worked).
FYI, many of her colleagues and fellow travellers, up to and including a very senior Federal Labor figure (a bloke), have broached the subject of personal grooming with Jenny over the years, but maybe through hubris or lack of self-awareness, she has ignored all of them (mostly other females) and bridled at the very suggestion. Like any female would. But she is not just any female … she is our representative to the world, more often than not with a begging bowl asking for something. And in those circumstances, a wise and responsible leader knows the importance of personal presentation to her effectiveness.
So it is valid that we can make certain restrained observations in this area – it’s part of the discourse if it can affect the outcome of public office – and the best outcomes for the community generally.
The ‘Pie now awaits the rocks on the roof. But we’ll let Mongrel The Barrister have the final word on this sartorial matter.
‘I Reckon that Jenny’s a real smart one … she wants to identify with dinky di Aussies and what dinky di Aussie doesn’t like a good old Hill’s Hoist.’
Finally, memo to a certain The Tiger’s Toe.
On October 26 last, you made a bet that Brent tate would be running for council. The ‘Pie said nay, you then bet him a bottle of bourbon to a bottle of Krug on the outcome.
Teams all locked in mate, No Tate, so cough up the Krug, if you’re a real Aussie gambler.
