The Kat In The Hat has exposed the dastardly plot from the new Talkbull Government to make it – well, make it sorta de rigeur to enjoy it in the derriere.
Also, a political polka is in full swing in the ‘Ville, as the local council sides sort themselves out. All the latest goss from behind the political skirting boards.
They say we’ve now got the ‘A’ Team in charge in Canberra … damn right, but can you guess what the ‘A’ stands (and no, not what you think, you rude people).
But First …
With all the hullabaloo in Canberra, we’re told by Talkbull the word of the moment is ‘innovation’. Well, they should talk to the ever-innovative Bentley, who reckons Alexander Downer-clone Christopher Pyne could solve South Australia’s employment problems with a little less sub-standard thinking.
And The Language Will Be Mugged Again …
This from comments during the week.
The Magpie
September 23, 2015 at 7:15 am (Edit)
Pollie speak is so much about metphors – ‘captain’s pick’ for arrogant arbitrary and usually disastrous decisions, ‘noted’ for that’ll never see the light of day, ‘conversation with the people’ means telling us mug punters what’s going to happen whether we like it or not – just so long as we stay off that damn social media, ‘healing’ means pissing ‘into the tent’ rather than leaking out of it, and so on.
The latest entry comes from Arthur The Artful Dodger Sinodinos, a bit of a magician who can talk while drinking a glass of Australian Water Holdings beverage (small cup costs $200,000 p.a).
During his interviews after his resurrection, Arty has repeatedly trotted out the old trope about being willing to say or do something (openly) in ‘the public square’.
An interesting metaphor, harking back to ancient Greece and the platform from whence the common herd got their 7.30 Report information on issues of the day. Of course, Greece via Willy Shakespeare gave us the in-vogue metaphor of ‘stabbed in the back’ – only then, it was literal. And Arty, it would do well to keep in mind what happened in the public square in medieval England to unpopular and socially meddling individuals who displeased the king. The most used metaphor of the past fortnight – ‘a spill’ – was back then literal and bright red.
More Fun With Numbers For The Astonisher
It’ll be interesting to see how the perpetually mathematically challenged Astonisher explains away the crowd numbers for one of the most attractive games of League this year. Just 21,000 trooped out the stadium to watch the Boys belt Cronulla, to progress in the finals.
A good turn-out all things considered, especially taking into account the NRL’s gouging ticket prices and in-ground catering rip-off. But how will this number sit with the tedious stand-alone stadium waffle the paper manages to get into just about every story? We’ll wait with bated giggles.
Kattertonic Man Is At It Again.
Bob Katter on the lookout for poofs in NQ.
The member for the gayless (according to him) Kennedy electorate reckons there is now a secret government agenda to ‘make homosexuality COMPULSORY’. Yeah, really.
In an albeit brief interview rich in unintended truth, hilarity and general gobbledegook, Bob revealed he had friends who could read the between the lines. He revealed all in the Herbert River Express in Ingham.
Bob is often likeable, often alarming and always loopy, and this occasion was no exception. As usual more questions were raised than answered in this his latest gurgling, squeaking, scowling diatribe, disconcertingly alleviated by that strangled, high-pitched giggle which has listeners backing away, hoping he’s isn’t close to the knife drawer.
Among those unanswered questions is whether those ‘friends’ who ducked under the brim to whisper in his ear included Cory Bernardi, the Martian senator who has taken faultless human form.
This man is NOT gay, right?
That is not to say that we shouldn’t take Senator Bernardi seriously when he says ‘homosexuality today, bestiality tomorrow’ … after all, as a Martian, he is used to doing the probing on various life forms he and his green trumpet-headed crew kidnap from around the galaxy. And he certainly doesn’t intend to be the subject of such investigations himself.
And on the basis that a stopped clock is right twice a day, Bob’s brief brush with truth and reality is encapsulated in the headline ‘Voters Can Expect ‘A Continuation Of Nothing’– that’s exactly what voters can expect if he prevails at the polls next year. As G&S famously said, ‘he himself hath said it’, admitting that as a national and then an independent, he hasn’t been able to deliver anything – his electorate has got nothing during his tenure – he hasn’t been able to achieve any goals, EVEN when he had part of a balance-of-power bargaining chip.
And it wouldn’t be a Katter pronouncement without the required HUH? Moment, as in:
quote:’ Malcolm couldn’t have sent out two worse messages – innovation and liberalism – that’s a luxury that a rich person can get away with, but the poor will punish the people in power’. Unquote. ???!
Best translation in less than 30 words will win a pair of signed Cory Bernardi, Morman-inspired safety undies guaranteed to frustrate the most rampant man or beast – although it does give the wearer a permanent grimace.
Cripes!!
Geez- zus!
… and they apparently don’t live up to their warranty.
So Bob will continue humming that opening line from his favourite song, Tonight’s The Night by Rod Stewart
‘Stay away from my window,
Stay away from my back door, too’.
Choosing Partners For The Walker Street Political Polka
As frustrated and spooked Mayor Mullet is administered a damp towel to her fevered brow by her soothing spinmeister Dolan Hayes, J Day approaches.
Jayne Arlett … on the ball !(ha ha groan).
Mayoral challenger-in-waiting Jayne Arlett will return shortly from a brief holiday on the Cape, presumably rested and ready to formally announce her candidacy.
The delay has been a canny political move because although her business and private plans had been long locked in, her advisers (including The Kid, The Old Grey Mayor Les Tyrell and probably Prince Peter) astutely let it slip that she was just about sewn up as the person to lead Townsville First into next March’s council election.
This non-candidacy has by all accounts driven Mayor Mullet to distraction, because she’s at least savvy enough to know what a dill she’d look if she started political potshooting, only to discover that Ms Arlett not to run after all.
The ‘Pie believes she will run, but it’ll be hilariously interesting to see what the backroom boys will do if she unexpectedly opts out.
Just as interesting is some of the possible positioning for both teams.
Clr Pat Ernst
All eyes will be on independent Pat Ernst’s division to see if TF put up a candidate there. The goss is that Clr Ernst, who is already clearly aligned with TF may make an honest man of himself and fall in behind Ms Arlett. The ‘Pie has heard muttered around the town’s chatterati that Pat would already be on the team, but point blank refused because wouldn’t have a bar of Dale Last. No one has bothered to say why, and The ‘Pie hasn’t been able nail down the councilor for comment.
Ray Haystack Gartrell
Then there’s our old mate, Ray Haystack Gartrell. Despite a strong family background in Labor, Haystack is in the TF camp, although has shot off on the occasional odd tangent while in office. Now, all the best Townsville salons* are atwitter that Clr Gartrell may even head over to Mayor Mullet’s camp. It’s fair to say that Ray will do whatever he thinks will keep his bum warming a council seat, and he’s told at least two colleagues that he thinks councillors ‘make peanuts’ and is eyeing off any chance in the bigger games. Good luck with that, Counillor, because things would look grim for you if you fell off the political gravy train.
Paul Jacob
Paul Jacob will certainly be Mayor Mullet’s team DESPITE his long and deep association, indeed membership of the ALP – but one assume Mayor Mullet will overlook this indiscretion and allow him to be part of her independent posse.
TCC Clr Colleen Doyle
That does cause a small problem, since it is touted around that Clr Colleen Boo Hoo Doyle can’t stand Jacob, to the point where she may consider a defection to TF or become a real independent. That would make sense, because although Clr Doyle has extensive experience as a bureaucrat in the health and aged sector, she also has solid background as a small business owner, as does her husband. Guess when it comes to politics, she can kick with both feet.
On top of that, she has shown she isn’t in a Mayor Mullet aerobics club, raising her hand on order. Which will make her interesting to watch wherever she sits on council.
Paul Jacob take his blathering, blustery and bullying style into the tussle with fight Clr Sue Blom for the redrawn Northern Beaches division. The ‘Pie is also waiting to hear if the woman who almost shot down Messagebank Walker will reload for another try out at Wulguru. Seems she’s only thinking about it at the moment.
The other interesting one to watch is the TF replacement for the retiring Jenny Lane. The Townsville First mob are close to locking in a popular local businessman – the deal isn’t done yet, so no names no pack drill just yet. But he’s well known and respected, The ‘Pie hears. And he will be taking on old Labor stager Mark Molachino, (wasn’t he in the Fishing Party at one stage?) a constant letter writer given lots of campaigning space by The Astonisher.
What will be really interesting will be the stalking horse candidates got up by the ALP to try and split the conservative vote.
Lots of fun ahead.
Now, That Word …
* salon |səˈlän; saˈlô n |
- a meeting of intellectuals or other eminent people at the invitation of a celebrity or socialite.
Sounds just like a Barry Taylor soiree up in the Victoria Street motel-like edifice he calls home (for the moment before the move to the reputed $10milion pad in Noosa in a year or two).
Otherwise, a salon d‘Ville could be held in a phone box – presuming all readers of the Magpie’s Nest are unavailable.
Beware The ‘A’ Team
With the exception of those having a blub and kicking the ground about Wingnut’s long overdue departure, the Lib’s are braying about now having the ‘A’ team in place.
If the “A” stands for arrogance, they’re damn right about that. PM Talkbull has a long track record of displaying disdain for those he believes his inferiors i.e. everybody, and it won’t take long to come through when the likes of a Leigh Sales or a Laurie Oakes drill down on him.
But the most unpleasant whiff of things to come is the new bible-bashing, white-is-black assassin of plain speaking, our new Treasurer, Scott Morrison. Mate, arrogance be thy name.
Great Scott!!
On 7.30 during the week, he became an unstoppable wall of meaningless sound, emanating a ‘here we go again’ sigh across the entire nation.
It was a private filibuster, talking over an ultra polite Sales with sloganeering waffle – almost made you wish that three word slogans were compulsory. But the most insulting bit came when Sales, who eventually managed to get a word in, reeled off stats comparing the situation when the Libs were elected and the worse situation now. Morrison had the effrontery (to the viewer) to say inter alia things – particularly unemployment – weren’t actually worse because of a heightened participation rate. That’s weasel words at their most insincere. Talk about the naked emperor boasting about his new clothes!
The clincher was his totally wrong-headed accusation that simply by putting those figures to him, Sales was putting her slanted point of view, when all she had done was quote verifiable statistics from the government’s own sources – tagged with a ‘what are you going to do about it?’. He deserves his own award for this galling performance, so here ya are, matey …
Next thing we know, you’ll be invoking your old mantra about ‘I don’t comment about on-water matters’, telling reporters that you ‘don’t comment on economic matters’. Actually that last bit was written as a weak jest, but, hmmm, come to think of it …
And What’s More
Two things on this situation.
ABC’s Leigh Sales
The ‘Pie has never quite understood why many – including several readers of this blog – insist that Sales is ‘a lefty’. OK, Tony Jones is an annoying smug lefty twat, the counter balance to the odious Andrew Bolt, but Sales interrogates on OUR behalf. She doesn’t ask probing uncomfortable questions because she’s a lefty – she asks them because she is a bloody good journalist. And as far as The ‘Pie has ever seen, she does so without fear, favour or regard for the politics of the guest (in fact, she might appear to give Labor a harder time than others).
And a memo to the chief A grader, PM Talkbull. Buying the News Ltd line that the ABC is full of pinkos that you see as the enemy is hardly going to help you achieve the mantle of the Great Communicator you claim you will be. In other words, just answer the bloody questions, imparting what information you can up to that time. Being disdainful to an interviewer is being disdainful to the people on whose behalf the questions are asked – US.
Har-bloody-rumph!
Finally Proof That Dogs Are Like Humans … Almost.
And The Best Advertising Idea Of The Week
… And To Round Off, A Pictorial Explanation Of The Magpie’s Nest
