Why this blog exists...

The Magpie

Sunday, April 8th, 2018   |   130 comments

Beastly Behaviour: The The Walker Street Fright Bats Target Fido and Pussykins In Their Callous And Chaotic Cost Cutting.

This week, Mayor Jenny The Mullet Hill and CEO Adele The Impaler Young showed more cheek than a leap-frog competition in a nudist colony. In a cynical and callous move, they hyped up a feud with the RSPCA … and now the council says it will take over most of those duties from the traditional organisation. If the recent treatment of ratepayers is any yardstick, Rover, Spot and little Tiddums are in for tough – possibly terminal – times. Want the other side to the ‘official’ story? You’ve come to the right place.

And this week, the mayor provided us with the perfect visual metaphor for her stewardship of this city over the past few years … it’d be so hilariously apt if it wasn’t so tragic.

And has the Townsville Bulletin’s gone ino the brothel business? You’d be pardoned for thinking so.

…and a side-splitting example of the academia nanny state making complete twits of themselves over the F word

But first …

Is there a more pathetic sight than a retired politician craving the spotlight in the public arena once he has left office? That is, apart from a politician that is still in office?

That arch-oilster, former Premier Peter ‘Dentures’ Beattie – remember forced amalgamation, the poisoned chalice he handed Anna Bligh before swanning off for a few years to become a LA pool lizard on the taxpayers dollar – has become a major audio/visual irritant of late, with both the Commonwealth Games (‘It’s not about me, it’s about the athletes’, he kept virtue signalling) and his deeply embarrassing ignorance of the NRL, despite his mysterious appointment as head honcho of that outfit.

And our Pete, dismissively batting away pesky questions about organisational shortcomings likely to affect the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games, sure as hell wasn’t about to let any a George Street successor swing the spotlight off him. Thus he had a hand in vetoing Premier Anna Palaszczuk’s opening ceremony speech as ‘too political’. This proved to be in line with the Beattie bullshit of old … the published speech she would’ve given was nothing more than an Ali-style ‘we are the greatest’ of the sort happens everywhere on these occasions no matter whose in power and it certainly wasn’t political.

That got Bentley’s dander up, and you don’t mess with Bentley when he’s on a mission. He took deadly aim, and you can bet if the premier views this, she will wish she had thought of this killer retort.

Games copy small

Squelch, Pete!

Of course, the issue of bus queues has no deep resonance here in the ‘ville … it’s not really an issue since no one knows where to queue as they wait for the fabled bus hub to open. Would you believe, today … yes today April 7 2018, tenders were finally called for someone to build the damn thing.

Bus Hub tender ws bus hub tender cu

More Bonk For Your Buck -The Astonisher’s Astonishing-Looking Offer

Seems free computer tablets, head phones and all sorts of other bribes haven’t worked for the Townsville Bulletin’s panicked and fruitless search for on-line subscribers – they eventually had to give the tablets away in a deal with the Townsville City Council (no details available, it’s Commercial In Confidence, of course). Distributed to TCC staff, you may rest assured each free tablet came with a free subscription – but even 700 dodgy numbers won’t cut it in this dismal failure to address to paper’s laughing stock unpopularity.

But it would seem desperate times call for desperate measures, and at first glance, it doesn’t seem to get more desperate than this. Really, just what are they offering?

Alas, all is not what it seems, Tootsie’s not for sale or hire, no subscriber sex, as far as The ‘Pie can see, it’s the same old mantra about ‘a dollar a day for the first six months’. That’d be OK if they were a little more honest in their sloganeering and made it ‘when it comes to news, we’re a day late and you’re a dollar short’.

WTF Now Stand For Where’s The Fuck

While at the Astonisher as Legal Affairs Editor, The Magpie occasionally received court transcripts from the Crown Prosecutors Office and was always amused about the nanny state censorship such transcripts were subject to. Often a word deemed too naughty for sensitive legal ears was bowlderised as in f**k or c#%t. Now the law is pretty particular and court rooms often resound to the expletives of the pub front bar (quite funny in such pompous surroundings) but barristers are particular that the exact quotes be used because the fate of their argument and the ultimate decision of a jury can depend on absolute contemporaneous accuracy. So the Nanny State has even reached into the bastion of legal accuracy.

But academia suffers the same fate from time to time, as the hanky wringers remain stuck in T.S Eliot ‘old miasmal mist’ of knock-kneed anxiety over whether their uni students will be corrupted by what used to be naughty words. This belly laugh example from a text book landed in the Nest this week.

Screen shot 2018-04-03 at 10.11.54 PM

Mating??? The filthy fucking swine!!

EDITORIAL NOTE: The Magpie decided a year or so ago that he would bow to the inevitable and allow the word fuck to appear in this blog … it is now heard across television, schoolyards, and at dinner parties, everywhere in fact unless proscribed in a work place. It has virtually lost all power to shock and certainly does not conjure up its original meaning and is now a common emphasizer. But the C word will still only appear if necessary for an accurate quote, as will the other modern no-no, nigger.

Speaking Of Naughtiness

America’s a new government regime, a Twitocracy ruled by tweets is now well established by the orange haystack in the White House. And it is a Trump triumph that he manages to continually distract attention with his bad grammar and unique world view in a few words. The New Yorker nailed the new prevailing order this week.

And at this time you“… and, at this time, you may switch on your electronic devices and see what he’s said now.”

Brute Force: It Doesn’t Get More Callous Than This

Onto the local scene.

The shameful idiocy goes on, but this time, it looks like becoming a cruel blow to the animals and animal lovers of this city.

Mayor Mullet and CEO Adele Young has decided in their usual inexplicable wisdom that the council will take over the management and day-to-day operation of the RSPCA pound in three weeks time. The official line is that that the RSPCA and the council have had a long running disagreement with funding for the crucial animal management, re-homing and euthanising of the animals brought to the pound. Now there is a massive shit storm on social media against the move. Every man and his dog is concerned.


In one of the most tissue thin attempts to make this bullying by the council to meet its panicked financial agenda, the media spin makes it all sound like a jolly back-slapping agreement, by pointing out that the RSPCA will still investigate animal cruelty cases. Well, duh, no shit, really. Maybe that’s why it’s called The Royal Society For The Prevention Of Cruelty to Animals, you dunderheads. And it’s a state –wide, indeed national, remit, to do so.


The real reasons are, as usual, hidden behind a smokescreen of official obfuscation and sheer professional laziness by the Townsville Bulletin. The TCC are claiming that the RSPCA’s requirements for council financial support will not be met and are unreasonable , which puts one in mind of the definition of a cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and value of nothing.

But there are very well grounded fears that this just simply won’t work, is a calamity waiting to happen and the end result will be a disastrously weakened standard of care and commitment to animals. So here’s the other side of this tawdry story, from a trusted Magpie source who has a fuller background knowledge of the ‘dispute’. Lengthy but necessary.

“The RSPCA have been negotiating in good faith with TCC to try and resolve the land tenure of the shelter for at least 5 years, and even as far back as the local government amalgamation election.

Unfortunately all to no avail. The RSPCA has already made a significant capital investment in the shelter, and I do not think it is reasonable to expect a not for profit community funded (through public donations) organization to invest in the upgrade of Council capital assets without any assurance of security of tenure. It is a bit like renting a house. No tenant in their right mind would invest in renovating the kitchen if their landlord had them on a week-to -week lease.

Keep in mind that RSPCA (not TCC) have already made the following capital investments in the shelter over the time they been there:

*Built the Dog Adoption kennels

*Built the Black Tag kennels and cattery

*Built Cat Adoptions

*Built Cat Hilton

*Built Pocket Pets

*Built Cat Isolation

*Re-roof the Council pound when it started to collapse.

So you can see that there has already been a significant investment by the RSPCA in improving the lives of the animals at the shelter.


It’s true that TCC  currently have a tender out for animal shelter services, and the RSPCA have chosen not to submit a tender. I think they have taken this position based on the following requirements that TCC have in their tender. (Based on these tender requirements I doubt if there would be any organization willing to submit a tender, but that is just my personal opinion).

1: The current TCC pound is 30 kennels. The tender requires the tendered to provide 120 kennels for Council use. At the moment there are a total of 119 kennels on site, including the broken kennels and kennels in disrepair that cannot safely be used. This includes the kennels in Dog Adoptions and Black Tags. In other words, there would be no room for RSPCA adoption and rehoming services, as TCC are saying they require all of these kennels (even built by the RSPCA).

2: The tender requires accommodation for 60 cats onsite. Again, this means that RSPCA would lose the Cat Adoption building to TCC usage.

Essentially what this means is that if the RSPCA wants to provide adoption and rehoming services in Townsville they will have to find a separate facility off-shelter, as all the kennels at the shelter would be required for TCC and could not be used for RSPCA animals welfare/rehoming/adoption work.

The tender also requires the tenderer to provide facilities for up to 20 birds, including poultry, and 5 head of livestock (goats, pigs, cattle and horses). Once again, none of these facilities currently exist and would have to be built.

3: The tender provides for a 7 day “processing period”. The current impounding period is 4 days, so this is a good move. However, my concern is that the tender explicitly states that the tenderer is required to “humanely euthanise the animals the tenderer is unable to accept and rehome” at the end of the processing period.

What this means is that, with every kennel on site, including the current dog and cat adoption centers, required for TCC use, practically speaking the RSPCA would need to euthanize for space, and this is what I think the RSPCA finds unacceptable. It would not be feasible or sustainable for the RSPCA  to continually transfer out those animals that could be adopted, because the existing kennels would have to be used only for council and not RSPCA animal welfare work.

4:The tender also has some other requirements that, while worthy, would impose a significant cost on any successful tenderer and have to be included in the tender price, but which TCC does not seem to acknowledge. For example:

*The tenderer must provide 24/7 vet services with all veterinary costs being borne by the tenderer.

*The tenderer must provide a qualified animal behaviourist engaged or have a staff member with a Professional Dog Trainer Certificate III.

*The tenderer must open the centre to the public between 7 am and 6 pm, 7 days a week, (which will require significantly increased staffing costs).

I just found out that for well over 12 months now the RSPCA has had to hire a portable toilet block because TCC are refusing to repair failing drainage and  plumbing at the shelter. And here is the kicker….AT A COST OF $105 PER DAY!!!!!

Our elected representatives with their snouts in the trough are putting a not for profit community charity in this position.

And the Council have the sheer unmitigated gall to say the RSPCA is being greedy.

This Council disgusts me.”

Needless to say, social media has gone into meltdown, and this looming debacle seems far from over.


But Under This Council Management, It’s Not Just Animals At Risk

The idea of a duty of care to keep all citizens safe – especially the most vulnerable –  seems to only extend to the executive staff feathering their own personal and political nests. “Bugger the general populace” may well become the official slogan.

Have a look at these pics, taken near the Show Ground Caravan Park (hey, welcome to Townsville, travellers!) ; the second one shows a sign that the photographer pulled from the water.

Sewage sewage 1

Not even a token barrier to reinforce a most important message. Kids and itinerants could be at particular risk. Surely if the council knows of a hazard, they have a duty to warn, secure and police the area.

And to take a typically venal point of view popular with council management, to avoid costly law suits if the worst happens.

What a bunch of dildos.

Meet The Team Selling Townsville

This HAS GOT TO BE a classic metaphor … Jenny Hill, chief carnival barker ‘selling’ Townsville to investors, enticing punters onto sideshow alley and into a shabby old tent to peruse her wonders.

Screen shot 2018-04-07 at 11.42.09 PM

‘Come one, come all, witness the slow apparition of the CBD bus hub, take part in a Qantas boycott, see if a new battery factory materializes before your very eyes, book a spot on the magical ferry to the new stadium, which defies low tide mud and a small matter of two bridges … you’ll be amazed at the effortless destruction of the city’s hard won reputation in the arts world. Marvel at plans for an council airstrip 400kms away. And a brand new attraction, a must for the kids, a dog or a cat will be euthanized every few minutes before your very eyes. Indeed, a Salon du Elegance to behold the wonders of the new Townsville under my mayoralty.’

Of course, as they say, there’s no show without Punch, so chief spruiker Mayor Mullet enlists the help of a man who thinks he will be her successor to pack in the crowds.

Jenny and Les


Jesus, are we in trouble.

Council Jewellery Now Available

Toilet Paper earrings

A must for Townsville ratepayers who can further help the Mullet./Impaler business initiative, these tasteful earrings have a great practical purpose too … every time you hear a statement from either of the Walker Street fright bats, you can wipe away the excess shit dribbling out of your ears.

Gawd, Was P.T Barnum Ever Right

Yep there’s one born every minute. The ‘Pie figured he’d never see bigger suckers than those who cough up to join the Dudley Do Nothings aka Townsville Enterprise.

Tel membership costs

But even that doesn’t match this little item the old bird came across during the week.

Screen shot 2018-04-03 at 10.00.22 AM

Well, at least our developmentally delayed idiots are safe if they won’t send it to Australia. Phew!!!


That’s it for this week, but comments are really lively nowadays, jump in for your chop, it’s great fun.  Almost as much fun as the warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you drop a donation in to help keep your favourite blog flying high. The How To Donate button is below.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.

Post a Comment

The Magpie encourages all to take part in the discussion and let their voice be heard.
In order to post a comment, you must provide a name. While you don't have to use your real name, it should be something unique so users can identify you in the discussion. Generic names like “Anonymous” will likely result in your comment being ignored.
Let the discussion begin!

Current ye@r *

Countdown until the next council election:

368Days 05 47 02