Other questions include: is Townsville’s new Catholic bishop having a go at God? Sounds like it in the Astonisher.
And is Cathy O’Toole about to sue the Astonisher for a clear slur on her reputation? The paper’s latest rib-tickling cock-up.
And will the Yanks grab their big chance with Donald Twittler out of the country?
And is Kingston Town on the way … not, not the horse, the new independent news website proposed by ex-Bulletin journo Doug Kingston … seesm to be creating a strong response.
But first …
Anna’s Alphabet Soup
Premier Palaszczuk is, as they say, in more strife than the early explorers, what the Great Train Ruckus down south (neatly hospital passed to Anna’s scheming bête noir Treacherous Trad), and a looming disaster possible with the Commonwealth Games on the Gold Coast.
Up in these parts for a pointless gabfest during the week – aptly held in gabfest central aka the Bulletin boardroom – she managed to send out further mixed messages about this city’s water security. Assuring us again it was a top priority but failing to say anything new, she wittered on about raising the Burdekin Dam wall and building a hydro power station. This in the context of parroting that Townsville water security was her top priority.
Err, Anna, luvvie, the hydro station would be about POWER, not our water supply. And upping the wall to store more water doesn’t get it where it’s needed … HERE. Townsville. And there’s already plenty for that. And such programs would be more than a very thirsty, lawn burning decade away. The premier’s real priority is of course floundering around looking for a cheap vote catcher to rescue her three dud labor members here. And good luck with that.
But the report sending even the Labor faithful into a tailspin was the foamy lunacy suggestion that the Adani mining rorters would be allowed to bilk Queensland of more than $300M in royalties when it starts digging our dirt from their proposed Carmichael mine. A ’royalty holiday’ is how it’s described, and Palaszczuk has trotted out the deeply flawed and vastly over-stated mantra of jobs, jobs, jobs.
At the time of writing, the premier has refused to confirm or deny that such a royalties rort was on the table – the lack of a swift and comprehensive denial meaning that it almost certainly was being considered but will no doubt be dumped because of the almost universal outrage. The Adani twisters are playing the same game, not denying the deal has been suggested but simply saying it’s not true because talks are still underway. Ya gotta love ‘em, doncha? Bentley doesn’t, though.
‘And re-elect me,’
Memo North Queenslanders, Mayor Mullet Et Al: It’s Not ALL About Us
Nobody seems to have taken into account the impact this venture will have inancially on ALL Australian taxpayers.
Fairfax journalist Ross Gittins is one of Australia longest serving – close to 50 years – and most respected economic writers. Last month, writing about politicians generally, he penned these words that should speak directly to all of us about this dodgy, thieving Adani raid on the Australian taxpayer. (Please note: Mr Gittins was not writing about Adani.)
So the sleaziest, most obviously self-aggrandising business person knows to say about whatever money-making project they want permission to undertake that it will create loads and loads of new jobs.
No matter what damage your scheme would do to the surrounding environment – and thus to the prospects of other industries – nor how great the risk you’ll skip town if it’s not working out, promise jobs and you’re already half way in the door.
You can always find a friendly economic consultant who, for a small consideration, will do some modelling of your proposition and produce a generous – even exaggerated – estimate of the many thousands of jobs your plan will generate. Directly and, not forgetting, indirectly. Thousands.
Sounds like the usual cast, especially in in Mayor Mullet’s Walker Street bunker and Anna’s in George Street.
If You Run A Newspaper, It’s Handy To Have Subs Who Know Who’s Who In The Zoo
The worm seems to be turning down at The Astonisher, with Labor becoming a soft target. Well, selectively. One could be excused for thinking that they are in cahoots with the premier, who clearly wants to be rid of Coralee O’Rort. Recently the paper featured this in the letters to the iditor …
But despite the picture and the caption, in the very same edition, we got this.
Well, the caption was half right, but which half? And they wonder why we don’t believe a single word they say.
But The Astonisher’s Confusion Doesn’t End With A Cocked Up Caption
It would seem that – according to the paper – the new Catholic bishop of Townsville, the cheerful looking Tim Harris, (well, he hasn’t been here long) has expressed doubts about his relationship with the almighty. Last week, we brought you this, suggesting it was hardly news
Then on Friday, he appeared next to the headline ‘Prayers Answered’.
But ‘nothing to do with me’ was the bishop’s strange response. Which is curious, as churchmen of all stripes rarely miss an opportunity to reinforce their particular fairytale.
‘I certainly have been praying or rain since I arrived, (but) I’m certainly not taking credit for the rain, I wouldn’t be so presumptuous ,’ he ‘humble-bragged’ to the paper. Well, that sort of casts doubts on your faith a bit mate. If he ain’t gunna listen to you, who will he listen to among the sinners in this neck o the woods? Now you’re praying that the dam to reach a ‘good level’. Why? Be a bit of a waste of time wouldn’t it? Seems God saw you coming, and has got his hands over his ears, chanting ‘nah nah nah na na nah’.
But those in the God Delusion business are no mugs, so it was smart move to absolve oneself of responsibility for the happy event. Otherwise our man would be inundated with all sorts of requests for divine intervention, most of which would fail. Perhaps he has heard of the wisdom of the kid from Kirwan, who had prayed every night for a year for a new bike, all to no avail. Then his big brother put him straight. ‘No, you’ve got it all wrong, bro’, what you do is go out and steal one – and then pray or forgiveness.’
A Touch Of Reggeae As The ‘Pie Asks Is Townmsville About To Become Kingston Town?
Doug Kingston is forging ahead with his idea for an on-line news site to bring some balance to the reporting in Townsville. More than half a dozen journalists are said to have had private conversations with Doug, and one informant says a couple of local businessmen want to come on board.
The ‘Pie wonders if any one down at the Astonisher is among those interested. Latest word is the place is ‘like a morgue, with empty desks everywhere.’ And The Magpie finds that genuinely sad.
Donald Twittler’s Day Are Surely Numbered
Ready for take-off, sir?
Hey, Yanks, he’s out of the country, now’s your chance! Petition congress, start the chant,
Pass a law,
Slam the door,
Close our borders,
To his mental disorders
Congress just might come on board. Mike Pence, your big chance – but you’ll be sitting in the Oval office soon enough.
If ever there was proof that a delinquent childhood stunts emotional growth, it is there before our eyes.
And his self-destructive tweeting is causing headaches for supporters, and delight to detractors.
He is in dire need of an advisor with super powers.
‘Impeachment’ is the word of the moment, and it is getting closer to a very real possibility (not soon enough for this bird). But is it technically possible? Almost certainly, on several counts. But will it happen? Yes it is under the right circumstances, as this thorough Guardian backgrounder details.
And the criticism is evoking a mixture of eloquence and vulgarity even from those who normally are somewhat staid. A couple of examples. This from, Michael Bradley of Melbourne’s Marque Lawyers, a respected legal man who usually couches his arguments in measured and considered tones, and often with a lawyer’s trademark two-bob-each-way conciliatory tone. Not this time.
If the most powerful man in the world — who has, in his various personae, held the keys to our collective annihilation or preservation for the past 70 years — is not merely personally corrupt, beholden to evil interests, not very bright or basically irresponsible, but actually completely fucking nuts, then we’re looking for a word with more import than “existential” to describe where we’re now at.
But the bloke who has really laid it on the line is the New York Times veteran columnist Ross Douthart. First he handed it out to Trump aides and advisors, spelling out where their role ranked in human society. They have no respect for him, indeed they seem to palpate with contempt for him, and to regard their mission as equivalent to being stewards for a syphilitic emperor.
Then, predictably, Mr Douthart sank the slipper into the leaders of Trump’s own party.
Meanwhile, from the perspective of the Republican leadership’s duty to their country, and indeed to the world that our imperium bestrides, leaving a man this witless and unmastered in an office with these powers and responsibilities is an act of gross negligence …
And just in case they missed the point, Douthart asked them to consider ‘to reconsider your support for a man who never should have had his party’s nomination, never should have been elevated to this office, never should have been endorsed and propped up and defended by people who understood his unfitness all along.’
But Is Anybody Governing The Country? Do They have The Time?
Some years ago, there was an amusing Pommy atricle explaining the relationship between the warring factions in the Middle East and the allied forces, a maze of shifting allegiances which was funny because of its accuracy. Funny but basically correct. Well, here is the same sort of dissection on the investigative culture engendered by the Trump lunacy.
PC And The ‘Pie – Sounds Like A Rock Band, But No ….
Boy did The ‘Pie get himself into hot water with the Political Correctness crowd during the week. The old bird always knows it ain’t gunna be a good week when some Pollyanna of political correctness primly presses her knees together and dabs at sudden moistness of the lips when detecting yet another outrage demanding smelling salts.
It all started when The ‘Pie read about the quack who advised his medical colleagues they shouldn’t use the word ‘pain’. This pill pusher, who’d apparently visited his own medicine cabinet more often than prudent, reckons the mere mention of ‘pain’ intensifies whatever level of discomfort is being experienced by the patient. The other no-no words, according to Dr Whacko include ‘worry’, ‘hurt’, ’itch’, and ‘sting’, which makes one wonder if he is running an STD clinic.
But The ‘Pie merely harrumphed and moved on, overlooking his past experience that these PC pests are like grapes … they come in bunches.
So he unwisely decided a little light humour was in order to lift the spirits, and posted this comment last Tuesday
Malcolm Magpie
There’s been early reports that an patient has escaped from the Mental Facility at the hospital. The Astonisher is hoping details are true that the escapee had sex with a laundry attendant before getting out through a window. Paper has the ideal headline’ Nut Screws Washer And Bolts’.
He had merely hoped this would make his readers … both of you … have a bit of a chortle and wheeze, but then this tonne of PC bricks suddenly fell on him, from none other than our old mate from the Water For Townsville group, Linda Ashton, who demanded the offending joke be deleted.
Comments
Linda Ashton Oh Magpie. It’s taken decades to have mental health brought out from the dark ages and not always the target of jest, ridicule and dismissal. Nutter and looney not ok anymore – u never know who is reading who might be on the edge. Sticks and stones may break your bones and names can break your spirit. I’d like this post deleted please.
Fat chance, kiddo. Even allowing for the fact that Dr Ashton has spent a uni career breathing the smug, rarified air of acadadils and boofademics, this is poor logic even for an eight-year-old – eight-year-old being the dictionary definition of ‘moron’. (No Linda, you are not a moron, either literally or figuratively, but geez, c’mon …)
The ‘Pie pointed out that by this yardstick, no one could write anything about anyone or anything, anywhere. Only Donald Trump would lend this dictum support for his own protection. It all reminded The ‘Pie of the definition of a wowser as person who lived in the permanent agony that someone, somewhere, was enjoying themselves.
But The ‘Pie meant no offence towards the various nutters, screwballs morons and fruitcakes out there, that it was a joke about language, and chucked in a few bromides about freedom of speech etc as a red herring. This exchange went on a bit on Facebook before quickly becoming too, too boring and thus abandoned.
BUT THEN the ‘Pie’s self-satisfied world caved in when this email thundered thudded into the in-box.
Dear Mr Magpie, Esq
My name is Marmaduke Knobthrottler, senior partner in the law firm Knee, Crutch, Armpit and Elbow. I act in this instance for the Westfarmers subsidiary Bunnings Warehouses.
It has been brought to our attention that you are responsible for something called the Magpie’s Nest blog, where, on 7th, May, 2017, you published or allowed to be published an attempted humorous sally regarding certain products i.e. nuts, screws, washers and bolts – for which my client is Australia’s leading purveyor.
We believe the imputations of your ‘joke’ are highly insulting, defamatory and untrue. Said ‘joke’ is a slur on our client and their products, suggesting some of the said products are associated with the proliferating mentally deranged nutjobs around the joint. This could well damage our clients reputations, commercial standing in society, and overall trade. Staff have had to be counselled.
We demand that you remove the post in question immediately.
Failure to do so will result in further action by my client. We will seek recompense from you for damage to reputation, emotional distress, hurt and humiliation by this wholly unjustified suggestion of association with what are generally referred to in your gutter blogging world as ‘raving fuckwits’. (Magpie’s Note: actually often referred to around here as ‘commenters’)
Indeed, we may bring a class action against you, as Home Timber and Hardware board members hold similar grievances and Mitre 10 management ain’t too chuffed either, sport. In the event that you do not comply with our request, our subsequent action may include, but not be restricted to, a personal visit by Vinny and Tong of the BWF ( Scaffolding and Concreters Division), said visit certain to feature wet towels, nipple clips and a car battery. And possibly concrete and Barry Manilow music.
We believe your thoughtless words have had wider repercussions, and there are no doubt many members of the general public who are offended and emotionally devastated by your carelessness, which only vast sums of the folding stuff can remedy.
We suggest you contact your bank for several new cheque books, one won’t be sufficient.
We look forward to your early response,
In outrage,
Marmaduke Knobthrottle.
Ouch, not Barry Manilow!!!!
Now The ‘Pie is worried and hurt after that stinging rebuke, and just itching to see his doctor for advice.
So finally, you may contemplate this little offering about modern education on YouTube … it too is meant to be funny and cutting, but as you continue watching, your smile, like The Magpie’s, might start fading. Because the truth is often not funny – ask Donald Trump.
That’s it, you are now free to go about your business, but if you have both a moment and the inclination after such uproarious enjoyment to help with the blog costs, the Donate button is below. Thanks.
