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The Magpie

Saturday, May 20th, 2017   |   202 comments

Another Week Of Questions, Big And Small. Like, Is The Magpie Facing A PC Backlash … And Possibly Court?

Other questions include: is Townsville’s new Catholic bishop having a go at God? Sounds like it in the Astonisher.

And is Cathy O’Toole about to sue the Astonisher for a clear slur on her reputation? The paper’s latest rib-tickling cock-up.

And will the Yanks grab their big chance with Donald Twittler out of the country?

And is Kingston Town on the way … not, not the horse, the new independent news website proposed by ex-Bulletin journo Doug Kingston … seesm to be creating a strong response.

But first …

Anna’s Alphabet Soup

Premier Palaszczuk is, as they say, in more strife than the early explorers, what the Great Train Ruckus down south (neatly hospital passed to Anna’s scheming bête noir Treacherous Trad), and a looming disaster possible with the Commonwealth Games on the Gold Coast.

Up in these parts for a pointless gabfest during the week – aptly held in gabfest central aka the Bulletin boardroom – she managed to send out further mixed messages about this city’s water security. Assuring us again it was a top priority but failing to say anything new, she wittered on about raising the Burdekin Dam wall and building a hydro power station. This in the context of parroting that Townsville water security was her top priority.

Err, Anna, luvvie, the hydro station would be about POWER, not our water supply. And upping the wall to store more water doesn’t get it where it’s needed … HERE. Townsville. And there’s already plenty for that. And such programs would be more than a very thirsty, lawn burning decade away. The premier’s real priority is of course floundering around looking for a cheap vote catcher to rescue her three dud labor members here. And good luck with that.

Palaszczuk and Adani

But the report sending even the Labor faithful into a tailspin was the foamy lunacy suggestion that the Adani mining rorters would be allowed to bilk Queensland of more than $300M in royalties when it starts digging our dirt from their proposed Carmichael mine. A ’royalty holiday’ is how it’s described, and Palaszczuk has trotted out the deeply flawed and vastly over-stated mantra of jobs, jobs, jobs.

At the time of writing, the premier has refused to confirm or deny that such a royalties rort was on the table – the lack of a swift and comprehensive denial meaning that it almost certainly was being considered but will no doubt be dumped because of the almost universal outrage. The Adani twisters are playing the same game, not denying the deal has been suggested but simply saying it’s not true because talks are still underway. Ya gotta love ‘em, doncha? Bentley doesn’t, though.

Negotiator small‘And re-elect me,’  

Memo North Queenslanders, Mayor Mullet Et Al: It’s Not ALL About Us

Nobody seems to have taken into account the impact this venture will have inancially on ALL Australian taxpayers.

Fairfax journalist Ross Gittins is one of Australia longest serving – close to 50 years – and most respected economic writers. Last month, writing about politicians generally, he penned these words that should speak directly to all of us about this dodgy, thieving Adani raid on the Australian taxpayer. (Please note: Mr Gittins was not writing about Adani.)

So the sleaziest, most obviously self-aggrandising business person knows to say about whatever money-making project they want permission to undertake that it will create loads and loads of new jobs.

No matter what damage your scheme would do to the surrounding environment – and thus to the prospects of other industries – nor how great the risk you’ll skip town if it’s not working out, promise jobs and you’re already half way in the door.

You can always find a friendly economic consultant who, for a small consideration, will do some modelling of your proposition and produce a generous – even exaggerated – estimate of the many thousands of jobs your plan will generate. Directly and, not forgetting, indirectly. Thousands.

This is the full article.

Sounds like the usual cast, especially in in Mayor Mullet’s Walker Street bunker and Anna’s in George Street.

If You Run A Newspaper, It’s Handy To Have Subs Who Know Who’s Who In The Zoo

The worm seems to be turning down at The Astonisher, with Labor becoming a soft target. Well, selectively. One could be excused for thinking that they are in cahoots with the premier, who clearly wants to be rid of Coralee O’Rort. Recently the paper featured this in the letters to the iditor …

coralee

But despite the picture and the caption, in the very same edition, we got this.

Otoole Orourke

Well, the caption was half right, but which half? And they wonder why we don’t believe a single word they say.

But The Astonisher’s Confusion Doesn’t End With A Cocked Up Caption

It would seem that – according to the paper – the new Catholic bishop of Townsville, the cheerful looking Tim Harris, (well, he hasn’t been here long) has expressed doubts about his relationship with the almighty. Last week, we brought you this, suggesting it was hardly news

Screen shot 2017-05-06 at 11.59.04 PM

Then on Friday, he appeared next to the headline ‘Prayers Answered’.

Screen shot 2017-05-20 at 10.26.23 PM

But ‘nothing to do with me’ was the bishop’s strange response. Which is curious, as churchmen of all stripes rarely miss an opportunity to reinforce their particular fairytale.

‘I certainly have been praying or rain since I arrived, (but) I’m certainly not taking credit for the rain, I wouldn’t be so presumptuous ,’ he ‘humble-bragged’ to the paper. Well, that sort of casts doubts on your faith a bit mate. If he ain’t gunna listen to you, who will he listen to among the sinners in this neck o the woods? Now you’re praying that the dam to reach a ‘good level’. Why? Be a bit of a waste of time wouldn’t it? Seems God saw you coming, and has got his hands over his ears, chanting ‘nah nah nah na na nah’.

But those in the God Delusion business are no mugs, so it was smart move to absolve oneself of responsibility for the happy event. Otherwise our man would be inundated with all sorts of requests for divine intervention, most of which would fail. Perhaps he has heard of the wisdom of the kid from Kirwan, who had prayed every night for a year for a new bike, all to no avail. Then his big brother put him straight. ‘No, you’ve got it all wrong, bro’, what you do is go out and steal one – and then pray or forgiveness.’

A Touch Of Reggeae As The ‘Pie Asks Is Townmsville About To Become Kingston Town?

Doug Kingston is forging ahead with his idea for an on-line news site to bring some balance to the reporting in Townsville. More than half a dozen journalists are said to have had private conversations with Doug, and one informant says a couple of local businessmen want to come on board.

The ‘Pie wonders if any one down at the Astonisher is among those interested. Latest word is the place is ‘like a morgue, with empty desks everywhere.’ And The Magpie finds that genuinely sad.

Donald Twittler’s Day Are Surely Numbered

2200

Ready for take-off, sir?

Hey, Yanks, he’s out of the country, now’s your chance! Petition congress, start the chant,

Pass a law,

Slam the door,

Close our borders,

To his mental disorders

Congress just might come on board. Mike Pence, your big chance – but you’ll be sitting in the Oval office soon enough.

If ever there was proof that a delinquent childhood stunts emotional growth, it is there before our eyes.

Denis The menace

And his self-destructive tweeting is causing headaches for supporters, and delight to detractors.

Trump throatHe is in dire need of an advisor with super powers.

Stop Tweeting

‘Impeachment’ is the word of the moment, and it is getting closer to a very real possibility (not soon enough for this bird). But is it technically possible? Almost certainly, on several counts. But will it happen? Yes it is under the right circumstances, as this thorough Guardian backgrounder details.

And the criticism is evoking a mixture of eloquence and vulgarity even from those who normally are somewhat staid. A couple of examples. This from, Michael Bradley of Melbourne’s Marque Lawyers, a respected legal man who usually couches his arguments in measured and considered tones, and often with a lawyer’s trademark two-bob-each-way conciliatory tone. Not this time.

If the most powerful man in the world — who has, in his various personae, held the keys to our collective annihilation or preservation for the past 70 years — is not merely personally corrupt, beholden to evil interests, not very bright or basically irresponsible, but actually completely fucking nuts, then we’re looking for a word with more import than “existential” to describe where we’re now at.

But the bloke who has really laid it on the line is the New York Times veteran columnist Ross Douthart. First he handed it out to Trump aides and advisors, spelling out where their role ranked in human society. They have no respect for him, indeed they seem to palpate with contempt for him, and to regard their mission as equivalent to being stewards for a syphilitic emperor.

Then, predictably, Mr Douthart sank the slipper into the leaders of Trump’s own party.

Meanwhile, from the perspective of the Republican leadership’s duty to their country, and indeed to the world that our imperium bestrides, leaving a man this witless and unmastered in an office with these powers and responsibilities is an act of gross negligence …

And just in case they missed the point, Douthart asked them to consider ‘to reconsider your support for a man who never should have had his party’s nomination, never should have been elevated to this office, never should have been endorsed and propped up and defended by people who understood his unfitness all along.’

But Is Anybody Governing The Country? Do They have The Time?

Some years ago, there was an amusing Pommy atricle explaining the relationship between the warring factions in the Middle East and the allied forces, a maze of shifting allegiances which was funny because of its accuracy. Funny but basically correct. Well, here is the same sort of dissection on the investigative culture engendered by the Trump lunacy.

PC And The ‘Pie – Sounds Like A Rock Band, But No ….

Boy did The ‘Pie get himself into hot water with the Political Correctness crowd during the week. The old bird always knows it ain’t gunna be a good week when some Pollyanna of political correctness primly presses her knees together and dabs at sudden moistness of the lips when detecting yet another outrage demanding smelling salts.

It all started when The ‘Pie read about the quack who advised his medical colleagues they shouldn’t use the word ‘pain’. This pill pusher, who’d apparently visited his own medicine cabinet more often than prudent, reckons the mere mention of ‘pain’ intensifies whatever level of discomfort is being experienced by the patient. The other no-no words, according to Dr Whacko include ‘worry’, ‘hurt’, ’itch’, and ‘sting’, which makes one wonder if he is running an STD clinic.

But The ‘Pie merely harrumphed and moved on, overlooking his past experience that these PC pests are like grapes … they come in bunches.

So he unwisely decided a little light humour was in order to lift the spirits, and posted this comment last Tuesday

Malcolm Magpie

May 16 at 9:29am ·

There’s been early reports that an patient has escaped from the Mental Facility at the hospital. The Astonisher is hoping details are true that the escapee had sex with a laundry attendant before getting out through a window. Paper has the ideal headline’ Nut Screws Washer And Bolts’.

He had merely hoped this would make his readers … both of you … have a bit of a chortle and wheeze, but then this tonne of PC bricks suddenly fell on him, from none other than our old mate from the Water For Townsville group, Linda Ashton, who demanded the offending joke be deleted.

Comments

Linda Ashton Oh Magpie. It’s taken decades to have mental health brought out from the dark ages and not always the target of jest, ridicule and dismissal. Nutter and looney not ok anymore – u never know who is reading who might be on the edge. Sticks and stones may break your bones and names can break your spirit. I’d like this post deleted please.

Fat chance, kiddo. Even allowing for the fact that Dr Ashton has spent a uni career breathing the smug, rarified air of acadadils and boofademics, this is poor logic even for an eight-year-old – eight-year-old being the dictionary definition of ‘moron’. (No Linda, you are not a moron, either literally or figuratively, but geez, c’mon …)

The ‘Pie pointed out that by this yardstick, no one could write anything about anyone or anything, anywhere. Only Donald Trump would lend this dictum support for his own protection. It all reminded The ‘Pie of the definition of a wowser as person who lived in the permanent agony that someone, somewhere, was enjoying themselves.

But The ‘Pie meant no offence towards the various nutters, screwballs morons and fruitcakes out there, that it was a joke about language, and chucked in a few bromides about freedom of speech etc as a red herring. This exchange went on a bit on Facebook before quickly becoming too, too boring and thus abandoned.

BUT THEN the ‘Pie’s self-satisfied world caved in when this email thundered thudded into the in-box.

Dear Mr Magpie, Esq

My name is Marmaduke Knobthrottler, senior partner in the law firm Knee, Crutch, Armpit and Elbow. I act in this instance for the Westfarmers subsidiary Bunnings Warehouses.

It has been brought to our attention that you are responsible for something called the Magpie’s Nest blog, where, on 7th, May, 2017, you published or allowed to be published an attempted humorous sally regarding certain products i.e. nuts, screws, washers and bolts – for which my client is Australia’s leading purveyor.

We believe the imputations of your ‘joke’ are highly insulting, defamatory and untrue. Said ‘joke’ is a slur on our client and their products, suggesting some of the said products are associated with the proliferating mentally deranged nutjobs around the joint. This could well damage our clients reputations, commercial standing in society, and overall trade. Staff have had to be counselled.

We demand that you remove the post in question immediately.

Failure to do so will result in further action by my client. We will seek recompense from you for damage to reputation, emotional distress, hurt and humiliation by this wholly unjustified suggestion of association with what are generally referred to in your gutter blogging world as ‘raving fuckwits’. (Magpie’s Note: actually often referred to around here as ‘commenters’)

Indeed, we may bring a class action against you, as Home Timber and Hardware board members hold similar grievances and Mitre 10 management ain’t too chuffed either, sport. In the event that you do not comply with our request, our subsequent action may include, but not be restricted to, a personal visit by Vinny and Tong of the BWF ( Scaffolding and Concreters Division), said visit certain to feature wet towels, nipple clips and a car battery. And possibly concrete and Barry Manilow music.

We believe your thoughtless words have had wider repercussions, and there are no doubt many members of the general public who are offended and emotionally devastated by your carelessness, which only vast sums of the folding stuff can remedy.

We suggest you contact your bank for several new cheque books, one won’t be sufficient.

We look forward to your early response,

In outrage,

Marmaduke Knobthrottle.

Ouch, not Barry Manilow!!!!

Now The ‘Pie is worried and hurt after that stinging rebuke, and just itching to see his doctor for advice.

So finally, you may contemplate this little offering about modern education on YouTube … it too is meant to be funny and cutting, but as you continue watching, your smile, like The Magpie’s, might start fading. Because the truth is often not funny – ask Donald Trump.

That’s it, you are now free to go about your business, but if you have both a moment and the inclination after such uproarious enjoyment to help with the blog costs, the Donate button is below. Thanks.

The Magpie's Nest is now more than five years old, and remains an independent alternative voice for Townsville. The weekly warble is a labour of love and takes a lot of time to put together. So if you like your weekly load of old cobblers, you can help keep it aloft with a donation, or even a regular voluntary subscription. Paypal is at the ready, it's as easy as ... well, easy as pie. Limited advertising space is also available.

202 Comments

  1. Mike Douglas says:

    Captain Snooze is back on the gravy train representing the Townsville Port as a board member to Port Moresby to promote business connections.I could just imagine the impression he must have made on the poor locals with”i used to be important in the Queensland Government and I too was the Mayor of Townsville but I managed it much better than it is today”. Based on the fact we have Labor at Council,State,Federal levels and ex mayors Tony Mooney and Snooze on State Government boards perhaps an add in the Astonisher asking if there is any other Labor members that we have missed?.Interesting with the cutbacks at TCC an employment advert for two “internal investigators” with experience in Serious misconduct,Corrupt Conduct,Workplace Harassment,Workplace discrimination.Does every small Council require two internal investigators or just the one managed by Mayor Mullet and Adele the impailer?.

    • The Magpie says:

      Must have missed that ad, Mike. Where and when?

      • Current employee of council number 1 says:

        The 2 internal investigation positions are on the council website in vacancies area. This can only mean 2 things.

        1. The people the mullet has sacked are disclosing information that is meant to be confidential. Good luck with finding out who they are.

        2. Trying to find out who we are on this blog.

        Maybe she has been reading the bullitin online because alot of people’s comments refer to her as mullet mayor which has been let through. Surely hiring 2 new people from outside can only mean she needs 2 more labour hacks to do silent dirty work. I ask why they couldn’t find someone internal first. That is what impaler said in yesterday’s bullsheet, staff would be reassigned to other positions if available and forced redundancies are last resort. So why couldn’t we saved 2 staff from scrap heap and be retrained? Does the position involved need CIA and FBI level clearence. Is she turning into the male Donald Trump lol. To many questions not enough answers.

        Perhaps Doug Kingston new news website has got her spooked that staff will be gaged from speaking about anything. Again I say good luck to that.

  2. Cantankerous but happy says:

    I see in the Cairns post a story that they have lifted their M-F readers by 8.2%, meanwhile the Astonisher is going backwards. The Cairns post has really turned things around in recent times. It was always full of shit stories about the next big project worth billions that was going to transform Cairns and propel it past Townsville to be this major city. These days it just reports on a lot of local news that interests people, it doesn’t crawl up the Mayors arse and shows a bit of balance in its reporting, shows what a good editor can do.

  3. Spqr says:

    Apparently with 12000 followers Ms Ashton considers that her editorial opinions carry much water.

    • The Magpie says:

      Magpie note to Linda … your reply is way too long for publication, but happy to print a more concise, less rambling response. Although the issue at hand is nothing to do with WFT – and be assured, The ‘Pie’s support remains in place despite hints of a growing Green tinge – you have, as pointed out here recently, a problem with length and thus engaging otherwise interested people. The two issues … WFT and your demand for the post removal about a joke are wholly separate. The first is in the community interest, the second amounts to two old codgers with perhaps too much time on their hands arguing about a social frippery issue on the sidelines.
      And the Rushdie quote is ‘No one has the right to NOT be offended’. Freudian slip on your behalf perhaps?

    • Alex DeLarge says:

      Not gone to her head, much?

      • The Magpie says:

        As convoluted as this appears to be, The ‘Pie speaks in Linda’s defence … context is everything in this case. The ‘Pie doesn’t think Linda is ‘up herself’ but – on her own admission elsewhere – she is not completely versed in the world of social media. Her response to the joke was a personal matter that has nothing to do with her sterling and admirable WFT work … admirable in its volume. breadth and technical detail, but certainly not its marketing to a much wider public. Her complaint was a personal one, borne one imagines from personal family experience (she has detailed that elsewhere and also all that time spent in the shadow-flinching PC world of ‘trigger warnings’ academia. The Magpie’s response deals with just the one issue. Let’s not get the two issues mixed up.

        • Linda Ashton says:

          Let’s think about the right to speak with humility, sensitivity, compassion and human “kindness”. Doesn’t matter whether it’s personal, private, public, digital, generic or otherwise. Be consistent. Speak to me face to face the same way you do here and I will take your comments seriously. Did I sense a tidbit of remorse from sticky beak? Nope. Just words.

          • The Magpie says:

            And let’s think about the right not to.
            And no, no remorse (if The ‘Pie is the sticky beak you refer to). There’s just too many people telling other people what they can do and what they are allowed to think. This blog puts out often hitherto hidden facts, screwball humour and The ‘Pie’s opinion, in the full knowledge that if people disagree, one option is to stop reading it.

      • Linda Ashton says:

        Better than the nether regions that the heterosexual Birdseye preferred to refer to. Bit sad really. I’m 49 years happily married – to the one man that is.

        • The Magpie says:

          Crumbs!!! Long lunch, Linda?

          Time for nap in a darkened room with a damp cloth on the forehead … you’ll soon feel better.

    • Linda Ashton says:

      When pie finds the feathered fortitude to approve my previous responses- not selected ones – censored cos my free speech is too long tsk or a bit too close to home, the conversation might be a little more balanced. I’m sensing a flock of similar minded-gendered-aged eager supporters, Collingwood colours of course, swooping to pie’s defence. He’s an adult. He can cope.

      • The Magpie says:

        Now now Linda, that’s a bit rich coming from you, pot calling kettle. At least a dozen people have complained to The ‘Pie (when he voiced his support for WFT)that you have been somewhat dictatorial on your Facebook page, and delete comments and bar people for a variety of reasons, usually when they suggest something you don’t like. Which right and proper as far as it goes but hypocritical when you accuse someone else of doing the same. And yes, The ‘Pie is not allowing you to dominate the comment section any further – you have lost track of the original point and are now just rambling. Descended into boredom. And if it soothes you, you may think those supporters you emotionally damage with your cruel characterisation of them (Collingwood! how low can you go?) are springing to The ‘Pie’s defence, they are not. They expressing their opinion. Which seems to be that you’re a nitwit.

  4. Sandgroper says:

    The article by Ross Gittins should be required reading for all Australians. It neatly sums up the methods and strategies employed by money-grubbers to coerce governments into backing their often-dodgy projects.

    Even more truth in the various articles on Trump, the Syphilitic Emperor. He really does pose an existential threat to the world.

    Congratulations, Mr Magpie. This is one of your very finest posts.

    • The Magpie says:

      The Magpie well remembers the ‘jobs,jobs, jobs’ mantra drummed out by mega-grub Craig Gore when he wanted to build a canal estate in front of the casino. And when The Magpie questioned his motives and outlandish promises in the Bulletin, Gore threatened to sue on the laughable grounds that the column had linked him to the ‘white shoe brigade’ and that in turn linked him to his late father, the wholly discredited Gold Coast developer who died in self-imposed exile. Clearly, this apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

    • Sandgroper says:

      PS…Off now to Bunnings to get some bolts and their mentally-disturbed appendages.

      • Doxie says:

        Yeah, well quite genuinely, us too this week. What darest I ask for that won’t offend “the bolts and their mentally-disturbed appendages”? LOLzzzzz…..

        • Linda Ashton says:

          If the Black Dog ever bites you or a loved one – and never lets go, come back and tell me about your/their experience. It is not a discerning illness, as Pie well knows. I have said so often enough. It’s not, in my pc contaminated ovarian viewpoint, an appropriate target for jest and derision by those who are illiterate in the discourse.

          • The Magpie says:

            And all this time, The ‘Pie published in the belief that the mentally deranged did not read or comment on this blog. But starting to wonder now …

          • Johno says:

            Ms Ashton, I have suffered depression for a very long time. Have been treated both by doctors with a range of drugs as well as spent time in many mental health wards. I do not profess to be cured but I manage it well these days. I am sorry that you personally have been offended by Mr Magpie’s humour but as a sufferer of the Black Dog as you put it, it did not offend me.

      • Linda Ashton says:

        Authors mistakenly believe they have the power to create and force meaning and truth upon readers, illiterates, animals, plants, the environment, their families whomever. But the receivers of any text actually create the meanings. That’s the the power of perception. Perception is reality. I perceive your text to be ….. finish the sentence cos it’s your right to create the meaning. I’ll keep mine to myself.

        • The Magpie says:

          What arrogant academic twaddle. Authors believe they have the right to create and put their truth out there for readers to decide for themselves … only a … well, a moron would believe they can force anyone to any resisted conclusion simply through words.

        • Current employee of council number 1 says:

          It was a fucken joke for gods sake. If you used half as much effort getting your points across hear as apposed to WFT we might have a solution to the the biggest mental health agitator at the moment in this dying city, which is having NO BLOODY WATER!!!!!!!!. Watching your mother’s gardens die that she spent nearly every living day working on is more depressing then any joke I’ve ever heard. Depression is everywhere and at the moment I believe you are spreading it more by making something out of nothing on here. Put your energy into WFT the politicians are the ones bringing on more cases of mental illness by there inactions. QNI comes to mind. That was run by the biggest NUT in Australia

  5. Grumpy says:

    Good Lord, Linda – did you think your bombastic, politically correct piece of absolute nonsense would be greeted here on this blog with anything other than hoots of derision?

    If you did, you must be nuts.

    Keep in your own lane, sister.

  6. Ed Dillinger says:

    ” I’d like this post deleted please.”

    Really?

    The arrogance is breathtaking.

    Go away, you silly old woman.

  7. Regular reader says:

    Just when we thought The Astonisher couldn’t get any worse, Saturday’s front page was virtually an advertisement for a Cowboys recruitment drive.
    Word from within the Willows bunker is that chairman and powerbroker Lozza Lancini is getting just a little bit worried about how many fans are going to turn up at home games in the future when Thurston is sidelined with injury. Given his age, the battering he has taken and continues to take in games, and his recent run of injuries, the chances of JT keeping the Cowboys competitive on a regular basis in season 2018 are, at best, average.
    So what to do? Why not ring old mate the editor and get him to run a free plug for a season ticket drive based upon the “news” that JT has signed on for one last season.
    One would have expected such a story to appear in the bowels of the sporting section, not the front page.
    Oh well, at least we now know who really runs The Astonisher.

  8. Miss Lou says:

    Always good,
    Always entertaining.

    A Friendly Friend,

    Miss Lou.

  9. Lady Byron says:

    Our Magpie taking the piss out of mental illness? I think not.

    BTW, I’ve been there in that dark spot – I took the Zoloft tabs & gained 8kg, but didn’t care because I was on the Zoloft… (And if you have a bottle of gin and a few hours to spare, I can tell you about the other appetites that also were affected.)

    I would direct Ms. Ashton to the very funny book by a fellow Australian writer, Wendy Harmer: ‘It’s a joke, Joyce’. Worth a read.

    So, as the Yanks say ‘Lighten up!’

  10. Cantankerous but happy says:

    This just highlights the reason why I stayed out of the whole water debate in Townsville, even though many encouraged me to be involved. Despite having many decades dealing with the supply, allocation, treatment, reticulation, measurement, data and billing of water including many of our large utilities in the country I knew this whole thing would be hijacked by a few self absorbed, misinformed, attention seeking wannabes giving us another reason not to buy the Bulletin, and I was right again.

  11. Peewee Herman says:

    I’d love to be a fly on the wall at the Lane family Sunday lunch. Stephen, the former LNP Kool-Aid guzzling but now independent candidate for Townsville trying to explain to “Mummy” (as he calls her) Jenny Lane why he’s ditched his love for the conservatives.
    This clown, who has featured in the pages of The Astonisher after being charged by police with ‘hooning’, got caught out accusing The Mullet of being drunk while presenting trophies on the podium at the V8 Supercars, had a not-surprising “incident” recently outside his Rosslea unit “which forced him to run for a state seat” and is regarded as a serial pest in the Townsville cycling community, is surely in for a belting in the next state election.
    And – for someone who constantly belittles and attacks The Astonisher I’m surprised they give him the time of day, let alone column centimetres. Then again, with Ben English at the helm I’m not surprised. A case of Dumb….. and Dumber.

  12. Genuine Joy says:

    Dear Linda
    Seriously, Sister, it is time to put that ‘pestle’ in the pantry and find the harmonica !!

    • The Magpie says:

      And on that note, The ‘Pie declares this thread closed. Final word to Linda … several of your other umpteen comments weren’t published because you were clearly trying to ride on this blog’s back to push a lot of fringe nonsense about the water debate and somehow link that with mental illness and the fact that you believe The ‘Pie is a cynical/cruel/cowardly/thoughtless/trivial/heartless/ hypocritical/ rebarbative bastard. No argument there, give the public what they want and they’ll flock to read it. But Linda, it’s been fun. Have a nice nap now.

  13. Spin Doctor says:

    Gosh this blog has turned a bit boring with the Linda versus Pie war.
    Let’s spice it back up again.
    Anyone else heard about the calls from Adani last week to a few Townsville ‘leaders’. Adani are a bees Dick away from cancelling on their commitments in Townsville and shifting them all to Rocky, Bowen and Mackay. That’s how much they despise Mullet and Blondie.

  14. Non Aligned Worker says:

    Sad that the PC police seem to be trying to hijack the blog to push their agendas. I knew that dad joke as “nut screws and bolts”. Didn’t seem to crush me. Would be a shame to make dad jokes PC offensive. Without dads society cannot exist. Don’t pick on us.
    We need our dads.

  15. Linda Ashton says:

    This chirpy chick’s free speech wings have clipped and I’ve been very subtly told to bugger off by the bird et al. Will flutter off happily to the collective warbling and raven relief. A parting note though (if permitted by the top perch) about the different admin privileges of bloggers compared to our preferred wftag fb group (not fb page). Pie has implied a dictatorial admin approach on WFTAG’s wall (never his) and this assumption should be addressed.

    Our admin team members do intuitive, flexible admin shifts on the wall, around our own real-time lives. It’s a daily task and often hourly. The main benefits are collaboration, speed of communication, albums, files and banners for themed data storage, as well as the sanity-saving chat options.

    The FB Group platform is much more complex to set up, develop and maintain, than a continuous blogging wall controlled and edited by a single monitor. Groups have the benefit of imagery, emoticons, video clips, links, pptx, polls, events and other digital media apps ….. best of all for the visually addicted like me – colour

    • The Magpie says:

      (Sigh) Last time.
      Your right to free speech has not been curtailed, you’re free to rabbit on as much as you like … elsewhere. Free speech has its limits; it’s been established you can’t yell fire in a crowded theatre, you can’t stand in a crowded mosque and declare Allah is a sooky sissypants (well, you can, and good luck, nice to know ya) … and you have no right to dictate what must or must not appear on a private blog site (like endless, boring, irrelevant rambling comments). Your (final) irrelevant ramble has been published as a nod to your good but apparently wasted work at WFT, which after your rants Linda, will forever be now known as WTF. You have been subsumed into the destructive political system you decry. Enjoy your tea and bikkies with the Big Boys at the top end of town.

      And since you obviously did your degree in visual arts, check with the English Dept to see if they can work out what the hell ‘Our admin team members do intuitive, flexible admin shifts on the wall’ means. ‘Intuitive’? That and the following sentence is pure tosh.

      WTF indeed.

      The end.

      • Linda Ashton says:

        Sorry pie. I dearly wanted us to be WTF as well. November last year actually. Water Townsville Fall didn’t quite flow. Besides the Water Task Force has obvious prior abbreviated rights. Bummer.

      • Linda Ashton says:

        No i did my degree(s) in education. Visual arts major at undergrad level only. Why would the artistic pie perpetuate the stereotype that it would ONLY be a twaddly visual arts degree?

  16. Astonished says:

    Further evidence of the depths of despair to which The Astonisher and its one-eyed editor have sunk in today’s edition.
    No less than 50% or 4 of the first 8 pages – including pages 2 and 3 which should be filled with local news – have been dedicated to free ads plugging the paper’s online subscriptions.
    Throw in the fact that they see the need to bribe subscribers by giving away a Samsung Galaxy tablet and you get the impression that this latest ploy to flog the paper’s woeful website and halt free falling circulation is failing miserably. The word panic springs to mind.
    In any case the concept of this promo is a joke. By advertising only in their own product they are preaching to the converted who already buy the printed edition. No new sales in that.
    Most of the people who still buy the paper are oldies who have plenty of time to sit down in the morning with a cup of tea or coffee and read it from front to back.
    The younger generation might be interested in an online edition but when the editor consistently serves up news that is days if not weeks old the appeal is minuscule.
    Surely the time has come for News Ltd to look at what has happened in Cairns, where it appears a new editor has used unbiased journalism to increase circulation.
    Unless there is a change in editor in the near future, the once highly respected Townsville Bulletin will lose total relevance.

    • The Magpie says:

      Let’s play leapfrog again.

      As it staggers towards the inevitable, Ben Bogan English and greedy, myopic News executives show their looniness on-line today.

      The Townsville Bulletin (and inter alia Mayor Mullet) recently tried to revive the tired and retrogressive Cairns-Townsville rivalry in a lame attempt to whip locals into a foaming outrage. Denigrating Cairns (where as you say, the local Cairns Post is wiping the floor with the Townsville Bulletin) Iditor Bogan again posed as local champion.

      But today online, we are given a clear glimpse of our future under the news Ltd monopoly in Queensland … with this story.

      In a nutshell, a Cairns woman killed in a Brisbane accident. Cheap space filling like this is on the increase. Soon we’ll be getting tales of the misadventures of a Mackay man in Rockhampton, or an Airlie Beach couple getting a flat tyre outside Innisfail. Oh, the inhumanity!!!

      Really, they just haven’t got a fucking clue.

      • Sandgroper says:

        News Ltd publications around the country are already filled with such tales. It is the inevitable consequence of mass sackings, with too few reporters to properly cover local stories.

      • Jung Talent Time says:

        They made their bed, they can sleep in it. Just as a city, we made our bed with some very narrow-minded and short-sighted decisions, on the level of voters and our representatives. Cairns, on the other hand, is powering ahead in many respects, and reaping the benefits of some good decisions and long-term thinking. JH’s sniping really doesn’t do anything- she should be studying Cairns’ approach, rather than pecking and bitching about them. There IS no rivalry anymore, we have been left behind, regressing in fact, while Cairns powers on.

    • Critical says:

      Even the Mackay Mercury, Rickhampton Morning Bulletin and Toowoomba Chronicle give a far more balanced approach to reporting than the Bullsheet and their on-line paper is more reader friendly.

  17. Cantankerous but happy says:

    Qantas have just opened a new 80 seat lounge in Karratha, the new lounge was part of a $36million upgrade of the Karratha airport, all done without a levy. If the Mullet wanted to see how a good airport operates she didn’t have to go all the way to India, all she had to do was travel to our golden west.

    • Sandgroper says:

      Not so golden any more, Cranky. We have been right-royally rooted by the feds and the other states, now receiving just 34 cents from each dollar of our GST.

      • Ozzie John says:

        The place went to shite after you moved there you shifty scribe. Stop blaming the Government.

        • Sandgroper says:

          Too true, OJ. Disaster follows my every move. Just look how Townsville went backwards after I left to enjoy the often-dubious delights of grandchildren.

  18. The old peterbuilt says:

    Behind all that tension and sparks between the pie and Linda I suspect there could be a mutual and deep affection. Yep. Saw the same things on days of our lives. Like the sands through a yard glass etc etc

  19. Ozzie John says:

    I say build a weir on the Black River. Here I sit in my humble shack on the Black River at Ingham South and watch the water run to the sea.
    A couple of weirs would transform the whole area, not to mention elevate me to millionaire status.
    Bloody good river going to waste.

  20. Kingswood says:

    I’m offended

    I’m offended by the smell from next door’s bins,

    I’m offended by the squeak of the front door’s hinge,

    I’m offended by the pc brigade,

    I’m offended by their pompous rage,

    I’m offended by hilux utes,

    I’m offended by butch dyke brutes,

    I’m offended when my grass turns brown,

    I’m offended now my cactus’ drowned,

    I’m offended when mums’s let babies cry,

    I’m offended when there’s no blue in the sky,

    I’m offended when politicians lie,

    I’m offended by Trump’s choice in tie,

    I’m offended by cold onion rings,

    These are a few of my offended things.

    • The Magpie says:

      All your own work? Brilliant even if it isn’t. Must be local anyway, lots of Aussie idiom in there (bins, utes etc)

  21. Current employee of council number 1 says:

    I was talking to a fellow employee today and he directed me to a Google search about our CEO the impaler. If you google “adel young media watch” up comes a story in 2000 when she was in the northern territory as a labour staffer. You can all read it so I don’t waste room on the page but after looking at this I can’t see how the mullet can seriously keep her on as a complete liar. Anything she says now I as an employee cannot take her word. As if I did before but she is the CEO. if anyone thinks im far fetched please feel free to judge me. But it’s for discussion and im wondering if anyone knew her past before taking the top job here. Just look what she has done to the council.

    • The Magpie says:

      You must be a bit newish to the Magpie CEC#1 … The ‘Pie reported this shortly after her dodgy appointment and has made several references to it.. She lied publicly on radio in a personal/political beat-up. by all accounts, a complete charmer.

      • Current employee of council number 1 says:

        The way it was put to me today seemed that it was only just dug up. Yeah I’ve only been reading your blog about 6mths now. Apologies for bringing up old news. Just goes to show that nobody else knew inside council or was to scared to say anything. I do recall you saying she’s a liar (no new news there) now I understand.

        • The Magpie says:

          Hey don’t apologise … say it as often as you like.

        • Grumpy says:

          There’s plenty more where that came from, CEOC#1.

          We did a little research into her tenure with the SA government and her possible links to Nouse. She is a Union toe cutter who was parachuted into the job with absolutely zero local government experience.

  22. Achilles says:

    Classic unintended comedy sketch courtesy of Brazilian police in Sao Paulo on the ABC News. Mack Sennett couldn’t have staged it any better.

    It’s the Sao Paulo cops during a drug-den raid, 3 cops line up ready to rush the door as soon as its been rammed open.

    Door busted, cop #1 rushes forward with his pistol in hand, BUT has forgotten about the rifle slung across his shoulders.

    Rifle is longer than the entry; he rushes forward and is immediately upended and on his arse the remaining cops rush headlong into a heap.

  23. Gonzo says:

    Pie, A good and particularly biting blog. Well done. I don’t blame you for stopping the comments about Linda Ashton. It was getting quite heated, and you could have been in hot water, given her association with the Water for Townsville group. PS I clicked on the link to modern education but YouTube said it did not exist! (It said: An error occurred during validation. Well, Two, four, six, eight, we don’t want to validate!)

    • The Magpie says:

      Link now fixed … dunno why it did that but found a new pathway. Thanks for the heads up, Gonzo – how about the Swanees, m’boy!

      • Gonzo says:

        Hi Pie, I clicked on the link for modern education and it worked. It was funny, with a dark ending. I can recommend it to other readers of your blog. But a warning, it runs for 7.20. Thanks for fixing it. And the Townsville Bulletin made the front page of the day on Crikey this morning. I’ll send you a photo of it and the other three papers featured. Cheers.

  24. Cantankerous but happy says:

    I am a suspicious sort of bastard, generally positive but cautiously suspicious, so today’s story in the astonisher didn’t quite sound right about the amazing lift in passenger numbers through Townsvile airport. On a day when BITRE stats were released for March domestic activity, which shows once again a fall in passenger numbers for Townsville airport why the sudden lift of over 6% in April they are claiming, and why the sudden lift in passengers to Sydney in particular. March figures show a continuing decline on this route to be down forty percent over the last couple of years, why the sudden lift, PNG flights started but that is roughly only 1000 for the month. Don’t tell me they have, surely they didn’t, surely no one would be so low as to claim the thousands of people who were evacuated from Hamilton Island to Townsville and onto Sydney after cyclone Debbie, the Townsville Bulletin and QAL should head their fucking heads in shame, what a disgrace.

  25. Non Aligned Worker says:

    Very noticeable that our councilors are mute at the he moment except for very structured releases. These councilors are not idiots, most have made a success of their business lives. It astounds me that they haven’t had the guts to challenge the Labor machine stuffing up our town.
    Maybe they only planned for one term.

    • Grumpy says:

      Jacob – a success? At what?

      You must be bloody joking.

      • Current employee of council number 1 says:

        He did say “most” which definitely wouldn’t include jacobs. Maybe we might see him go missing as the Lennon bros circus leaves. Lol

  26. Momentus says:

    Thankyou Magpie for your honest comments which are a joy to my soul. Linda ..sorry Prof Ashton was a the bird in the hand and much more fun than a few in the bush and you were only stated talking about some, ‘nuts and bolts’.

  27. The old peterbuilt says:

    People often talk about the affiliation between the Labour Party and unions. Have a look at the asic site and you will see that the Labour Party is a wholly owned subsidiary of the cfmeu so why, in the name of accurate reporting don’t we should drop the term Labour Party and just say cfmeu. How dare that psu critise the cfmeu council. The old peterbuilt had a birthday yesterday. Lunch at the cowboys. Place was full of tcc staff, some ex some on rdo some on sickies, lot of talk about two new investigators. General condenses is that are going to be busy.

  28. Astonished says:

    News Ltd heavies obviously monitor this blog on a regular basis.
    After highlighting the shameful placement of 4 full page ads in the first 8 pages in Monday’s edition – including pages 2 and 3 FFS – the freebies have been shuffled back to pages 10 and 11 today – on instruction from Holt Street, I’m reliably informed.

  29. Bully Boy says:

    More bullshit in today’s Astonisher. Readership figures from News Ltd’s own survey company that are laughable, and an attack on the Labor “Greens” for refusing to give Adani a royalty “holiday”. Does the editor really think it’s advertisers and readers are foolish enough to swallow this garbage.

  30. The Magpie says:

    As a commenter said here recently on another matter – WTF with a capital fuck.

    Why in God’s name would anyone boast that a tragic catastrophic event was good for business? Indeed, why mention it at all, unless you’re a dying, floundering publication?

    Disgraceful.

    • Sandgroper says:

      As the old saying goes……
      There are three kinds of lies — lies, damned lies, and statistics.
      EMMA is a harlot and newspaper publishers are her pimps. At long last, advertisers are becoming smart enough to steer clear of this syphilitic strumpet.

    • Achilles says:

      P’raps the BT should (could’ve) taken a leaf out of the good people of Manchester who showing how to react when disaster strikes.

      Hotels offering free accommodation, taxi’s turning off their meters, people buying bottled water and handing out (gratis) to those terrified, shocked and stressed kids.

      Instead of gloating/boasting and claiming that the “refugees” from Debbie now maybe all read the BT they could have offered floor space in all those vacant areas, set up some food and water distribution. But that would require LEADERSHIP, compassion and bloody common sense, clearly an endangered species in this juvenile organisation.

      • The Magpie says:

        Debbie was the one exceptional occasion when the paper actually did what papers are meant to do … observe and report. Actually helping in a material way? You’re kidding, might hinder them running around with wet birds that cark it anyway. And The Bulletin has always believed that their contribution to anything around here is the publicity the paper generates by simply printing a story. Money? That all goes south to Rupert’s Holt Street counting house.

        Chickens coming home to roost soon, folks.

    • Achilles says:

      Interesting choose of words! “Debbie helps drive big spike in readers”. The Turks had an interesting method of achieving an almost identical result; however the “big spike” was driven in anally

      • Old Hack says:

        Well spotted, Achilles. It is what the Turks of News Corpse — old and new — are doing to their long-suffering readers and viewers worldwide. As a result, fewer of us are prepared to undo our belts and bend over.

    • Ronny Rotten says:

      Wonder if they will stick his head on the wall of his hunting lodge? Karma also for the bloke eaten by the crocodile.
      What next? The triumphant Spanish bull gets the ears from his gored tormenter?

  31. Mike Douglas says:

    It appears Mayor Mullet didn’t have to spend TCC ratepayers $ on her and the astonishers Journalist trip with Anastasia Palaszczuk to India to meet with Adani and should have just flown to Brisbane to see Queenslands real Premier Jackie Trad.With Mayor Mullets Labor roots shouldn’t she have know this?.Editorial the astonisher today “Palaszczuks mortal factional enemy,Jackie Trad,has orchestrated a devious and lethal plan to kill off Adani for good.Trad seems have to have also thrown the 3 Labor Townsville representatives under a bus as well.

    • The Magpie says:

      The ‘Pie has always referred to her as Trad the Treacherous, long before she openly showed her true colours, factional stuff. But even a stopped clock is right twice a day… we should applaud that she has ‘thrown the Labor Townsville representatives under a bus’. Just hope the bus wasn’t damaged, there’s a few more that need to get in its way.

  32. Afterthought says:

    Have you heard that council has disbanded and broken up its environment department? Staff have been mostly spread between Water and Parks so it won’t be long before “other” priorities will see them fully redeployed away from the tasks they previously undertook. I would not like to be relying on the future income of the ex-senior staffer that now reports (for the time being) directly to the CEO. TCC even in the Mooney days led the way compared to most other councils but it seems that has now been put to bed for good.

  33. Old Moll says:

    Shit! Just clicked on the link to modern education.
    Is the mathematics lecturer a luminary of WFT?

  34. Guy says:

    Oh no

    For whatever reason i still get updatrs on the water action facebook. I see that stupid idea of floating solar panels on ross river dam has been refloated.

    Its funny, a company that is in the process of putting 130 million dollars into a solar farm a stones throw from the dam has quite rightly decided to keep its massive investment SAFE from moisture, corrosion, bird shit attacking, cyclones, mud and algae and rely on its engineers, experts and investment teams to make prudent decisions with money.

    Floating solar cells was a thought bubble from team arlett last election who clearly has never visited the dam nor put their hand in the water – it disappears an inch deep because it loaded with crap , all of which will spread over the cells if any spray gets on them.

    Keep defying gravity people

  35. Bird watcher says:

    Was talking to a guy who is involved in actually building one of these new solar farms and he says any bird that flys over the big ones dies because of the extreme heat from the reflected sunlight. Has anyone else heard of this?

  36. The Magpie says:

    ATTENTION LINDA ASHTON – DON’T LOOK!!! DO NOT GO TO A NEWSAGENTS. STAY AT HOM,E IN A DARK ROOM UNTIL TOMORROW.

    THE PIE HAS BEEN FORCED TO ISSUE YOU WITH THAT FAVORITE OF THE PC POLICE, A TRIGGER WARNING.

    FYI, That is, warn someone that something that has happened may upset their tender souls. So Linda, in the interests of your health, do not buy today’s Bulletin, you will be scarred forever if you do.

    Look away now while The ‘Pie explains this generous caring act to others.

    • Scientician79 says:

      I’m must be sensitive .

      I’m triggered by the fact that this lousy excuse for a paper thinks it’s appropriate to bully anyone who dares question the benefits of the all giving Adani.

    • Dutch Reverend says:

      Hey Pie, you missed another outstanding piece of journalism on the front page. Were you aware that if Morgo didn’t have a Samsung Tablet he wouldn’t even know what State of Origin was ? It must be very confusing for him in the Origin camp, walking around in a daze wondering where he is and what he is doing there.

      • The Magpie says:

        Bugger it, Dutchy, The ‘Pie was trying to hold that until Saturday.


        But note the careful wording, which only implies he learnt of his situation through reading his fate on the on-line Bulletin’s free device, which of course he didn’t: Walters does what every other selector/coach does in selection matters, and gave him a personal phone call.

  37. Dutch Reverend says:

    Interesting to see that “the impaler” is advertising for a couple of Internal Investigators. Judging by the job description, this is pretty much a position that should and is, in most organisations covered by HR. Someone must be getting very paranoid to want it employ a couple of internal moles. Look out everyone the gestapo is well and truely alive and functioning. Here is a link of the job.

    https://shar.es/1Rp6G7

    • The Magpie says:

      The question that arises here is whether these positions ever existed in the TCC before? If not, why now? If they did, why new people? Surely section/departmental managers are trained for the responsibilities of these roles. This definitely sets off warning bells for The ‘Pie, with The Mullet and The Impaler building a politically inspired fortress of fear and intimidation. The term un-Australian springs to mind.

    • Igor says:

      Will the internal Gestapo have the power to investigate complaints about councillors, including the mayor? If so, they will be very busy.
      Of course, the fact they are obliged to report directly to the CEO means that anything embarrassing can be easily swept under the carpet.
      It all smacks of Big Brother and I, like The Pie, hear the peal of warning bells.

  38. Old Hack says:

    If today’s Bulletin editorial is correct in its assessment, I’m in lockstep with the ‘Loony Left’ for the first time in living history.
    The editorial rages about how Jackie Trad and her minions are trying to “present Adani as a greedy, corrupt, environmentally destructive Indian mining giant that will rape our pristine land, destroy the Great Barrier Reef and deliver few jobs and no revenue for Queenslanders.”
    That pretty much sums up my opinion of this company — and I’m usually further right than Gerard Henderson or Andrew Bolt.
    Any half-decent journalist or economist following Deep Throat’s advice to “follow the money” has probably reached the same conclusion.

    • Dutch Reverend says:

      The way Adani is looking and how they want us to pay for their operational costs while they retain all the profits and sneak it offshore, I couldn’t give a far rat’s arsenic it doesn’t go ahead. Time our governments at every level started to think outside the square and created some real opportunities for employment.

      • The Magpie says:

        There has to be a cut-off point in the self-serving ‘jobs at any cost’ argument from Palaszczuk government – well half of it, it seems. Another way at looking vat he Adani blackmail on royalties is that these shysters are telling a politically vulnerable government that the employment outcome they promise will in effect cost the taxpayers a fee 0f $160,000 per job. Forget the $2billion rail loan which will disappear in Palmer-like private overseas accounts and never be repaid, this Queensland deal on its own should make any responsible Australian – Queenslander or otherwise – tell Adani to get fucked.

  39. Cantankerous but happy says:

    Working hard for your few bits of silver lately Pie, it’s only Tuesday and over 100 comments already, over 100 each week from what I recall for some time now, watch out for the RSI.

    • The Magpie says:

      Alas, the ‘few bit of silver’ are few indeed, but it’s good to have a diverse forum going, although The ‘Pie has had to crack the whip on a couple of garrulous nitpickers.

    • Long suffering ratepayer says:

      That’s double the number of comments the Astonisher gets online in a week! But then again we’re not allowed to make comments on the editor’s pet projects and agendas (cowboys stadium, airport upgrade, TEL and anything to do with Lancini, mayor Mullet, O’Callaghan or Krayem)

  40. Non Aligned Worker says:

    Look at the silent approval of Olive Downs project. Politics instead of consistent protocol for the Trad machine. Trad follows the left vote and what is preached by the green loonies and their SEQ agenda. They have let Olive Downs / North Olive Downs through the system with silence even though it is similar to the Adani project in size. Maybe some $ have been put into the left coffers?
    The Greens have enough cash donated by the Qld ALP to be aware of the Project. Perhaps they have an anti Indian Racist agenda?

  41. Linda Ashton says:

    And on the front page – ‘ministers possessive’ is minister’s hey Pie lol. Those pesky punctuation marks.

    • The Magpie says:

      Oh dear me, Linda … the one comment from you The ‘Pie thinks OK is in fact a reply to something The ‘Pie said … on Facebook. Not here. So one would know what you’re talking about. Hmmm, come to think of it …

  42. The old peterbuilt says:

    Manchester. Say no more! It is hard to understand tha fact that bill shorten has 27 current sitting federal members , including our own , who want to reopen the boarders again. Ladies and gentlemen vote at your own peril.

    • Sandgroper says:

      And boarders had better watch out for Roger the Lodger, the sod.
      Sorry about that, Old Truck, because I enjoy your insights and totally agree with your comments on this subject. The Devil made me do it.

      • The old peterbuilt says:

        Typos are my fingers friends. I at one time had a secretary to fix my mistakes but now alas I’m on my own. Glad you read my ramblings.

        • Sandgroper says:

          One of my favourites was the post when you mentioned your second honeymoon in Cairns — where you were the one weeping at the end of the bed.
          Brought back a host of memories…..

  43. Long suffering ratepayer says:

    On Seven News last night Mayor Mullet proudly announced that her council (as opposed to ours) had already formulated plans to deal with water intrusion on low lying properties around Townsville (in particular along the coast and in Ross Creek) when climate change causes alarming rises in sea level in about 80 years time. For a second there I thought our forward thinking Mayor was on the job for a change. But then my hopes were shattered when she said part of her solution to rises of more than a metre was to “raise the ground levels”. So does this mean that the Cowboys stadium will be built higher, and how is she planning to raise the ground below the casino and other properties along Ross Creek? No wonder it’s been more than 20 years and she still can’t find a suction to our water crisis!

  44. Long suffering ratepayer says:

    Gee, if that’s what she is planning I’m glad I’m not going to be around to pay rates to fund raising all the buildings from Ross Ck to the northern beaches

  45. Achilles says:

    Qld cabinet kept in the dark on Adani deal

    http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/latest-news/mine-needed-for-dying-outback-qld-kap/news-story/712cc79eddca64f1c2a09f9d91e17436

    This just published article on The Oz site is a damning indictment of Anna Alphabet and cohorts on “deals done covertly by her group unbeknown to the majority of her/our Cabinet including Jackie Trad. Oh! what a devious web we weave when we first practice to deceive.

    Is this the same junket that Mayor mullet and her BT companion also made to Adani? Begs the question was our illustrious Mayor in on this too? If so why didn’t the TB cub reporter report same?

    • The Magpie says:

      Silly question, doncha think?

      • Non Aligned Worker says:

        The phrase in the article linked to the comment implies that the deal “could cost $320 million to Qld. It only speaks of revenue not realïsed, not money spent. The mine has a design life of 100 fuc*ing years. You don’t realise that we are in the drivers seat for this one. Of course there is always some argy bargy with any deal, however you need to look at the overall benefit, not the short term bullshit pedalled by the media and State Gov’t.
        Stadium employment figures and other short term projects will only provide immediate employment, not long term.
        I would prefer 3,500 steady long term jobs consistently over 50 to 100 years rather than 3,000 / 4,000 union managed jobs over 4 years for the knee jerk projects.
        As previously posted, Olive Downs the unmentioned project by the Greens is the same size as Adani. Has been approved, will produce the same amount of coal, going through the same reef, going to the same customers, WTF??? Love to see the protesters 10 year plan and who is donating to who (or is it whom?)

        • The Magpie says:

          Cobblers mate … it speaks of money not earned for the piggy bank. It is extortion pure and simple, if Adani creates let’s say 2000 jobs (doubtful) they are charging the Queensland Government (thee and me in other words) a finders fee of $160,000 per job. Christ, even Rabeah Krayem couldn’t pull that off.

      • Achilles says:

        Err! well yes I ‘spose Your Pieness, I’m just resetting my “where the heck in the Universe am I” meter.

        OK! Scotty beam me up mate, it was all just a bad dream, no need for the debrief crew, you’d never believe any of it.

        Magrathea here we come for R&R ……. Reason and Reality. Or as the Pythons expressed it, hope that there’s intelligent somewhere out in space ‘coz there’s bugger all down here on earth.

  46. The Magpie says:

    Should I apply?

    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      Can you produce a digit?

      • The Magpie says:

        If your personal digits are 35,24,35, pop around to the Nest and you’ll soon find out if The ‘Pie can produce a digit heh heh heh (sorry fellas, you’ve gotta be a natural-born bimbo to get in the door).

        • Sceptical Sally says:

          But would you open it if Adele came knocking?

          • The Magpie says:

            No … nor Beyonce. Chubby might be in for some folk, but The ‘Pie does not share the current appetite for a tiny bit of talent backed up by acres of wobble. He had in mind a consoling visit from Robyn Wright (aka Claire Underwood, who, according to Netflix as of last night, has just walked out on President Frank). The ‘Pie fears this fantasy may be shattered when binge watching resumes tonight.

          • Sceptical Sally says:

            On the wrong tack there, Pie. I meant the Impaler, not the Warbling Wobbler.

          • The Magpie says:

            Christ thanks a bloody bunch. No sleep tonight at just the thought.

          • Grumpy says:

            Forrest Gump’s girlfriend.

  47. Craig Leonard says:

    Hi Pie,
    Another great blog, as per usual.
    I can see that you in your kind manner have been trying to put things into perspective for Linda. Being someone who taught in adult education and training, a key to progressing someone’s ability is to keep them interested in the subject manner. One needs to stick to the big picture and not get bogged down in the detail. This blog has certainly opened my eyes to some of the short comings for the WFT group. As admirable as they are they will go nowhere if they do not realise they have to adjust and change to meet a wider audience, this may involve taking some constructive criticism on-board.

  48. Sprogette says:

    Bahahaha!
    I love that even though you would boost traffic on the Bully if you worked there, that they would rather see their empire crumble before that happens.
    I think stick to the digital you produce for them every week anyway.

  49. The Magpie says:

    Read this letter in today’s Astonisher, and then tell me this council isn’t broke … and busted internally.

    ON May 13 last year Mayor Jenny Hill emailed me about the Queens Gardens Aviary: “Council has no plans to remove the Aviary,” the mayor said.

    She then continued that she supported the birds and was happy that others (like me) did, also.

    But one year later, the council has closed the Queens Gardens aviary without any community consultation. There is a very serious question of animal welfare and government accountability here and that is why I am writing this article.

    For many years, that aviary was one of Queens Gardens’ most cherished features. It was the home of beloved Townsville birds – peacocks, lorikeets, ducks, chickens, corellas, galahs and sulphur crested cockatoos.

    Numerous were rescue birds, who would not have survived in the wild (for example a little parrot who was blind in one eye), so the aviary was truly their home. The love and joy they brought the Townsville community was legend.

    The birds were visited regularly by old folks groups, parents and grand parents with young children, local residents treated them like pets, and tourists loved hearing the parrots talk.

    In recent years, there were problems with snakes, so I successfully lobbied the council for snake wire and protested against the dumping of snakes near the aviary by snake catchers. Crucially, I repeatedly offered $1000 cash in case the aviary needed upgrading/replacing. I also offered to find a sponsor or other benefactors . Plus I offered my time (free) to perform basic care functions eg, cleaning cages. I know other Townsville residents would have helped.

    Despite all of that, the aviary was closed without any of the many offers of support being taken up by council. Why? I wrote to the council staff after Cyclone Debbie to check the birds were OK. I was assured they were fine – no mention of a move. In early May I noticed some birds were gone and wrote to council again. Council staff only responded to me after the aviary was closed.

    The council is claiming animal welfare. But as a lawyer (who has published in some of the world’s leading law journals on animal cruelty), I find their case hard to believe. They never took up any of my community-funded options that were aimed at animal welfare. Why? How is it in the interests of the birds to move them from their home at their age? How does it serve the people of Townsville who loved them? Why not consult?

    The residual question I have referred to the RSPCA is what has actually happened to those birds, especially the peacock and the little parrot that was blind in one eye? The council says they have gone to good homes, but can we be sure of that, given the history of this matter?

    ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR

    DR LOUISE FLOYD,

    JCU Law School.

    • Ronny Rotten says:

      Probably not an appropriate comment given the animal welfare implications, but that letter should really set the cat among the pigeons.
      Good on you, Dr Floyd.

    • Kingswood says:

      This is awful stuff, have been visiting here for years with my daughter and as a youngster myself; it was the top of the list for her school holiday wishes. What happened to the old turkey with the crook foot? There used to be a galah that would mumble old man style to itself and shout, ‘waddya want’.

      The birds gave joy to locals and visitors alike. Anderson Park used to have one as well and that disappeared 20 plus years ago too.

  50. Afterthought says:

    Maybe they re-housed them in the Perc Tucker Gallery.

  51. The old peterbuilt says:

    Ran into an old mate yesterday. Been a long time realestate chap, one of the few I would trust. He tells me if the town feels quiet the following figures will explain it. 540 industrial properties for sale, 1366 commercial buildings for sale or lease, 2344 houses / units for sale and 22000 people have left the district since 2009. From what I know of this chap he is usually accurate. Thank god we have a cfmeu council and a greens controlled state government and soon a cfmeu federal government to lead us out of the wilderness.

    • Almost Almighty says:

      Your gratitude is appreciated, my son, but I am pained to say you face many more years wandering through the parched desert that is the Parish of Townsville.
      Think of it as a penance for your collective deviation from the Path of Righteousness into the wastelands of the Lefty barbarians.

  52. The Magpie says:

    C’mon, you dolts, wadda ya waitin’ for? This is PREMIUM stuff.

    • The Magpie says:

      Oh, and BTW, the next circ figures for the Bulletin – which will tell us if the by now hundreds of thousands of dollars the paper has spend on trying to sell digital subscriptions has paid off – will be posted here on August 13 (that’s for the previous six months to June).

    • Polythene Pam says:

      Revolver is a better album cover.

  53. Ozzie John says:

    Who cares where the birds are? Its a garden with plants and trees. Birds in cages don’t go with gardens. Getagripdoc. I heard Roasted Peacock is delicious. I wouldnt consult with ya either. No time for treehuggers and such. Tell em to get a real job. Teaching decent humans to be shysters aint one.
    Look at the Lawyer types on here. At least 5 rungs on the ladder below journos.

    • The Magpie says:

      The Magpie publishes the above especially for those who miss Terry Butts in the Astonisher.

    • Ronny Rotten says:

      Jeez, OJ, I have my suspicions about your identity and you will be in deep shit if the Law Society ever finds out.

      • Grumpy says:

        What’s the matter little Johnny, lad? Was a nasty judge mean to you?

        HTFU, you ponce.

        • Ozzie John says:

          “Ponce”, none of that in Katter country Grumbledorf. Only us real men out here.
          Come up for a weekend of pig hunting and drinking. I will teach you to grip it and rip it. The bow that is. Not what you usually grip and rip.
          BTW, on the subject of birds, I was reading about Fairy Penguins last night.
          How demeaning to the bird to be called a Fairy. We gotta change this.
          How about you shysters launch a free action in the courts to give some dignity back to these cute little fellas.

          • The Magpie says:

            You obviously haven’t seen more of Phillip Island than the race circuit when there for the jalopy races. If you did, you’d know why they are called Fairy. Oh, that walk … just a handbag needed and it would be beyond doubt.

          • Guy says:

            Its already been changed

            They are officially known as “little penguins”

          • The Magpie says:

            Geez, wonder what the ‘little’ boys at the Sovereign think of that.

          • Critical says:

            Don’t worry about the Sovereign, RUMOURS are that it’s not doing too well patronage wise and we all know what happens to any business if patron number drop off.

    • Wally says:

      TRUE IDENTITY
      OJ it is now known that your are in fact Melena Stool. So you can not be anonymous here when you disrespect birds. Have a nice day.

      • Ozzie John says:

        And you are now known as Wally. A nice day to you as well Matie.

      • Medico says:

        Good one, Wally. I urge all readers to Google *melena stool.* The nickname certainly sums up Ozzie John, if his comments are a reflection of his character rather than attempts at black satire.

        • The Magpie says:

          Hmmm,maybe we should call and end to the ‘Melena’ thread, thanks, folks, closing with the observation that by coincidence it is very close to the First Lady’s name.

  54. The Magpie says:

    Always ahead with the news, our Bulletin. This from today’s visionary edition.

    YESTERDAY’S Bulletin incorrectly said “no body, no parole” laws had been passed by State Parliament.

    The legislation has only been introduced and will go before a parliamentary committee before a vote in the coming months. It is expected to receive bipartisan support. ‘

    Be the first to know, sign up to get the digit.

  55. The Magpie says:

    Eloquent.

    Steve Bell in the Guardian

  56. The Magpie says:

    Townsville robbed of a title! Mayor Mullet left in the dust as a long-held Townsville accolade goes south – literally.
    A rare double, with the Moron Gold Medal and The Leading With Your Chin Trophy go to Gold Coast Mayor Tom Tate for this foray into international affairs.

    http://www.goldcoastbulletin.com.au/news/council/gold-coast-mayor-tom-tate-says-terrorists-will-not-come-to-the-city-during-commonwealth-games/news-story/6e3fd94793b5caeb60dc4f9eb2488631

    Of course. the Astonisher’s stablemate The Gold Coast Bulletin, did the News Ltd standard procedure of not asking a single difficult question (you’d think there’d be a few.)

    • Sundowner says:

      The mail from the Gold Coast is that Tom Tate is giving many residents tbe tom tits. He blunders from one gaffe to another and voters can*t wait to give him the boot.

  57. Frequent Flyer says:

    Noticed in The Astonisher earlier this week that Qantas has revealed they made a offer to Townsville Airports boss Kevin Dill to support a scaled down version of his proposed grandiose $50 million expansion.
    This raises some very interesting questions in particular – did the Dill deliberately mislead TEL, Mayor Mullet, The Astonisher and the North Queensland public by failing to mention this counter offer when pushing his case for the public to fund his upgrade?
    Equally interesting is the fact that the Dill, who is the quintessential media tart, became suddenly shy when asked to explain why he kept this development a secret. The Astonisher reported that he “declined to comment”.
    All this has left Mayor Mullet, TEL and The Astonisher editor, all of whom attacked Qantas for refusing to have anything to do with the airport upgrade, with egg all over their faces.
    Would love to be a fly on the wall at the next TEL board meeting – and the next Queensland Airports management meeting.

    • Cantankerous but happy says:

      Given the fact that numbskull Gill has been CEO since 2008 would mean he must kiss arse a lot within QAL, most CEO of regional airports are 3-5 years and then move on to something else or are moved on by the board. It would seem that he is not very well liked at TAPL anyway which makes the fact he hasn’t been moved on more interesting. Speaking to a couple of people I know out there he spends most of his time sniffing around down at the Dudleys, to which they are most grateful because he is not hanging around annoying the staff at the airport.

  58. Afterthought says:

    ‘Let’s be honest, we (Australia) haven’t hurt anybody.’

    Mayor Tom Tate in the GCB.

    Why wasn’t this bloke keynote speaker at the reconciliation gabfest at Ayers Rock this week, he’d set ‘em straight.

  59. Current employee of council number 1 says:

    Just got a text from my mate in waste apparently all the office staff there have been sacked today via email. This is a fucken disgrace by this council how they treat people. Maybe the 2 new arse lick investigaters are being hired to track down people who say things before or after there sacked. Pitty dougs website news isn’t up yet because he could fill the first week just with this story alone. How many more lives will this mullet ruin before someone does something.

    • Current employee of council number 1 says:

      I know your doing your best to help us magpie. Might not be long until my email arrives

    • The Magpie says:

      The ‘Pie will be happy to oblige if the info is right.

      • Current employee of council number 1 says:

        Thanks pie, yes I’m trying to learn what to say as not to get others or myself in the shit storm. I would like to correct myself in that when I said all office staff, it was a small number of permanent lay offs but the rest have to re aply. Which means if they don’t qualify well there’s no job anyway so there gone too. I probably should have put this up before sorry.

  60. Dave says:

    Do you think Labor is out of touch with the needs of the North?

    Question in Astonisher Today.

    I tried to vote in this. When I placed my vote nothing happened. I went to the Vote View results to find that my vote did not count. Do you have to be a subscriber to the Bully to vote?

    Any advice accepted.

  61. Long suffering ratepayer says:

    Much excitement in today’s Astonisher with front page news that work on the Lancini Stadium will start in September. But one word had me wondering if this is just an election ploy from the Labor Govt. These works were described by the Premier as “early”. Then on page 5 we learn she is only talking about “low-level” activity including “demolition of existing structures and site clearing”. Now I’m in the construction game and that sort of “activity” will be undertaken by a demolition accompany and an earthmoving contractor, both of whom already have the staff to do the job. I estimate there will be around 20 people involved at best with few or any new jobs created. So is this just window dressing at little cost and with no new jobs? After the election all we will have is a levelled block of land. Get ready for an election campaign based on smoke and mirrors.

  62. Kingswood says:

    TCC’s site as of 2 days ago mentions the Queens Gardens aviary is getting a revamp, not closing permanently, good stuff.

    I send the below in humour, not anger now.

    Revenge of the birds

    I took a stroll in Queens, a healthy habit, longing to see my favorite parrot.

    Seed in a bag, not a care in the world, little did I realise the scene that would unfurl. Padlocked gates, empty cages, no squawks no trill, no turkey rages. No quacks of the duck, no shrieks form the lori’s, my favourite birds departed in lorries.

    A feather here a water dish there; the soul of our best gardens stripped suddenly bare. No mummies with prams and little ones smiling, just the drone of a leafblower and its mechanical whining.

    Bring them back I do say, or karma will happen. The wings of anger could soon be a –flappin’ May our feathered creatures return and find where you dwell, may they crap on your washing and leave an unpleasant smell. Go forth feathered minions, sharpen your beaks. The time has come for the revenge you seek.

  63. The old peterbuilt says:

    When we had the recession we had to have ( Paul Keating ) I was working in management for a national transport company. We followed trends very closely and all the tonnages dropped for all the commodities we carried except beer, wine and spirits which actually increased as people became more depressed. Dan Murphy must be making an absolute killing in Townsville. Hey Dave I can’t be sure but I suspect that vote may have only been for fully paid up cfmeu members.

  64. Old Mudpicker- The Happy Socialist says:

    Hello all. I am quite interested in the whole Queens Gardens story in regards to the Bird Cages. A little bit of Muddy history.
    My Grandfather was curator of the Queens Gardens from the mid 1930s to the late 1950s. He along with my Grandmother, lived in the curators house which was near the rose gardens in those days.
    They raised their 7 children there, including my mother. During WW2, they shared the Gardens with up to 10000 American troops who camped around the gardens. I have a wonderful photo of the whole family taken in 1957 with me on my mothers knee surrounded by all the Aunts, Uncles and cousins at the Gardens.
    Many of those beautiful trees in the gardens were planted by my Granddad. I would believe he started the bird cages as well, as they were definitely there when I was a young child.
    It is great to see that in today’s paper, the council are rejuvenating the birdcages to make them safe for new and old inhabitants.
    Long may they stay to delight generations to come.

    • The Magpie says:

      The prodigal returns!!! Welcome home, Muddy.
      And chance of a copy of that pic, be great to put up (and no one will recognise you with hair).

      • The Magpie says:

        And by the by, folks, The ‘Pie is required to be absent from the keyboard for much of the afternoon, so he will post the anticipated flood of replies to Muddy later in the afternoon.

  65. Incredulous says:

    Today*s Bulletin editorial loudly defends Mullet, the Impaler and council on their scorched-earth sackings, proclaiming that *unions and employees have been involved in extended consultations in determining the final shape of the new council.*
    This statement is directly at odds with comments here by council employees who say their colleagues have been shafted with no warning or consultation.
    Some people are telling porkies and, given their track record to date, I would say the liars are most likely standing at or near the top of the municipal ladder.
    No matter what the truth of the matter or the merits of the sackings, the silence of the relevant unions is unforgivable. It would not have been so quiet if their Labor cronies were not calling the shots.

  66. Sceptical says:

    Lancini stadium??? I recon Optus Stadium!!

  67. Cantankerous but happy says:

    New boundaries have been finalised by the electoral commission for Qld. Coralee O Rort looks like she will be out if she wasn already with booths in the southern suburbs now in Mundingburra, these booths run about 55/45 TPP to the coalition so bye Coralee, you won’t be missed. I think at this stage the other seats will stay with sitting members, depending on One Nation, Scott Stewart has managed to keep Palm Island in Townsville which will help him no end, and Thuringowa has lost some better booths from the Mt Louisa end for the LNP so they will be hard pushed to win that, the only thing left is who Hansen picks, that will have a big impact.

  68. Kenny Kennett says:

    A friend of mine forwarded this to me. I must say that presenter SS looks like a country bogan rather than a State Govt representative of Queenslands second or third biggest city. Not sure when it was made but will it be a vote winner or loser?https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1960797570824753&id=1533558346882013

  69. The Wulguru Wonder says:

    Bugger building a water pipeline from rfrom the Burdekin…..this is what Townsville needs!

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