Why Kevin Gill the chairman of the Dudley Do Nothings aka Townsville Enterprise finds himself in a ticklish position which will require some fancy verbal footwork- or maybe his resignation …
… and Christopher Pyne’s creepy grin got wider and sillier and more insulting during the week, but Bentley thinks he can wipe the smile off his di … and to lighten up, The ‘Pie takes a squizz at some silly laws, and offers a sampler of this year’s Oddest Book Titles.
There are certain words often deemed to be offensive which The ‘Pie is very careful about and thinks long and hard before he uses them. Words like ‘nigger’, ‘c—t’, ‘poofter’, f–k’,‘Ewen Jones’ … all sure to offend someone somewhere.
But after much thought, The Magpie has judged it right and proper to label Education Minister Christopher Pyne a ‘retard’, a word the dictionary defines as ‘a mentally handicapped person – offensive and often used as a general term of abuse’. You betcha.
Will the real Christopher Pyne please stand up.
Last Monday, this moron (sorry, morons, not that you’re likely to be reading this since the clinical meaning is someone with the mental age of 8 to 12) was interviewed on Sky News, where he claimed to have fixed the higher education mess he has created – ‘I have fixed it’ he kept repeating but with a fixed moronic grin, he refused several times to say how he had done so, because he wanted it to be a surprise in the budget. This from a senior minister in a government that campaigned on being a ‘no surprises’ administration. TEN’s The Project had a field day with him.
Treating the electorate in this patronizingly juvenile way makes Bentley think there might be one big surprise in store for Pyne pretty soon.
Then again, with performances like this, maybe it won’t be a surprise to anyone but this out and out insulting whifflehead.
Here in the less rarified air of the ‘Ville, The ‘Pie was interested to see the outcome of the election for the Cowboys Club board (that is the social club, not the football club).
Every year, two of the four electable positions are up for grabs, with the hoisted incumbents able to re-nominate. After a bit of beaking around, The ‘Pie has learnt that just 225 club members bothered to vote and of those, would you believe that 18 were informal. You had to mark just two boxes, which apparently confused the election-weary among the members.
But the devil is as always in the detail.
There was a stellar field – well, sort of – of eight chasing the two vacant spots, the two most notable being Townsville City Council CEO Ray Burton …
Ray Burton TCC CEO
and one of the town’s savviest business people the (inter alia) Coffee Club’s Carolyn McManus who clearly had the backing of club kingmaker and permanent board member Lozza Lancini.
The ‘Pie has been told by several members that only one or two of the eight nominees were ever seen in the club, or ever known to bend an elbow with the hoi polloi. And the ultimate results tell the tale. Ray really went for a burton, getting something like 1% – yes, that is one per cent – of the vote, in other words, three or four votes, which will make him happy he’s the paid help at the Council and doesn’t have to face the electors every few years. Ms McManus did better with about 4%, with the rest of the unsuccessful field doing coming out as also-rans..
Former Townsville City councilor Jim Gleeson had to re-nominate as his was one of the seats put up for grabs. Jimbo, a life-long Labor activist and man well known to call a spade a bloody shovel, apparently was the only one who did any canvassing, buttonholing members as they came in, seeking their vote. Nothing like a bit of political know-how … Mr Gleeson is now back on the board with a thumping 126 votes, but some less generous folk have suggested that’s only because he was about the only active club member anyone knew … and were also worried about the ear-bashing they’d cop if he didn’t get up. The other vacancy was won by Garth Brimelow, a paraplegic and an active figure in many community groups as well as the Cowboys club. He got 24 votes. Funny old election.
So now you know.
Today’s Astonisher carried this sad head-shake of a story, which you get the feeling was VERY carefully written, with management looking over the shoulder of newbie reporter Rachel Riley.
The essence is charter bus drivers are being stiffed by the airport, with what can only be described as new exorbitant fees for coach pick-ups at the terminal. The fees are generally at odds with the far more reasonable schemes in Cairns and Brisbane, and the local tariff looks like a cash grab by yet another southern company that doesn’t have any interest in encouraging tourism. Buses are now having to arrange tourist pick-ups away from the airport because of the unsustainable charges. By what rationale do you charge them, or cabs for that matter, at all?
But here’s the thing. The man behind this swindle is airport boss Kevin Gill, who is also –ta da – chairman of the dynamic, vibrant and transparently pro-tourism group, Townsville Enterprise.
Kevin Gill – ethical conflict of interest?
By the looks of it, Gill will have a bit of explaining as to where his loyalties lie, either with his grasping southern bosses, or the local community in which he lives and whose fortunes he supposedly has a hand in guiding. It is starting to look like his is just mealy-mouthed lip service to the community from which he rips off a lot of cash and makes a handsome living.
Even CEO of TEL, Patricia ‘I Feel Oh So Pretty’ O’Callaghan, didn’t make any secret that she was at odds with her chairman, when the paper’s story concluded: ‘Townsville Enterprise CEO Patricia O’Callaghan said ease of access around the region was vital to ensuring return visitation. “We expect the charges at comparable airports would be a benchmark that Townsville Airport would align its fees with, and we encourage coach companies to continue to service the airport to ensure a positive visitor experience,” she said.’
Be interesting to see how all this pans out. If the charges stay, which are well above other centres, there is only one thing that would be honorable – Gill should resign forthwith from Townsville Enterprise. He’s been a pretty useless parrot, anyway, something they appear to specialize in down at Wishing Well House. Besides, Lozza basically runs things anyway.
Moving on, and as both you readers know, The ‘Pie sometimes re-visits comments from past seven days, because not everyone joins in the fun of the comments during the week and may have missed some absolute pearlers. So apologises if you are already comment follower, just skip along down.
The following is certainly worth an extra gallop, since it would have to rank as one of the most spectacular non-subbed cock-ups of recent years. Some background: It has long been a journalistic tradition that has defied constant managerial disapproval, to drop in a comical line or two to amuse and test the sub-editors. The dangers are obvious, and now here’s the proof. From the Magpie com,m,ents last Monday.
The Magpie March 16, 2015 at 1:15 pm (Edit)
Rest easy, you folk down at the Astonisher, it is now impossible for you to claim the most astonishing subbing cock-up for this year – that honour is now firmly in the grip of today’s Sydney Telegraph.
In a general rant about the mayhem in the Middle East, columnist Tim Blair mentioned that the Melbourne teenager who became a suicide bomber for ISIS last week was considered the most unlikely candidate for that role.
Just how the offending line got into the article in the first place is no doubt under heavy discussion in Holt Street this very minute.
We’ll briefly stay with the week’s comments, because the Bulletin shouldn’t start feeling too superior (they’re too bloody arrogant to think ‘there but for the grace of God’ etc.) The paper … and reporter Anthony Galloway … were responsible for one of the grubbiest efforts seen for a while. This from last Wednesday’s comments.
The Magpie March 18, 2015 at 10:21 am
A new award
… The Polished Turd Trophy goes to Astonisher burbler Anthony The Galoot Galloway for perhaps one of the most fatuous and cheap shot stories the paper has managed in a while.
Reporter Anthony Galloway
Under this highly questionable headline
Townsville-Bali Flights Hit Turbulence Over Executions
The Galoot tells us … ‘FLIGHTS between Townsville and Bali are ready for takeoff, but controversy over the Bali Nine executions is stalling negotiations. Jetstar has repeatedly said it wants to begin flights between Townsville and Bali this year, but the Bulletin understands the controversy over the planned executions of Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran has delayed negotiations.’
And that’s it … not a single further mention of what can only be your own sensational supposition.
‘The Bulletin understands’? Reasonable statement, BUT it demands some further enlightenment, even if a spurious ‘sources who wished not to be named’. Plain commonsense would have a competent reporter giving a hint of WHY the executions would hold up negotiations. Does that mean if the executions go ahead, the Townsville-Bali flights might not? Is there a chance that Canberra may stop them as a retaliatory measure (a much more substantial story)?
No one expects you to give up your very dubious sources, old son, but to make the bald statement that you ‘understand’ without any suggestion of why you ‘understand’ sounds like the sort of pure unadulterated bullshit bubble of which former Astonisher chiefs-of-staff were so fond.
And that doubles the ignominy and typical Bulletin crassness of linking a serious and morally disturbing story with wide-ranging national implications to some local frippery like this.
Not a SINGLE thing in the following excerpts from interviews and pathetic rehash of the looming Bali flights (and their certain future failure) indicates negotiations have been ‘held up’ let alone mention the impending executions in Indonesia.
This is truly low stuff, Anthony, and if you can’t see that, you’re bound for a stellar career in News, mate.
A simply unprofessional, crass and deeply disgraceful effort.
……
However, it seems the use of the word ‘understand’ is being debased elsewhere. Old ‘Pie pal Conan the Grammarian has pointed out on Facebook that no less than the Sydney Morning Herald has used the same tack to gussy up a story that didn’t need any ‘treatment’ – the death of Malcolm Fraser.
Like they say, there ought to be a law against it.
In fact, it’s a wonder there isn’t. There probably would be in Britain, where loopy laws have been the order of the day from year Dot.
MP Fiona Scott (R) and someone else
This was highlighted in a recent speech to Liberal backbencher the usually boofheaded Fiona Scott during the second reading of the Succession to the Crown Bill (don’t ask, please, don’t ask). She highlighted some of the barking mad measures that have been the speciality of rule in the Old Dart for centuries. Here’s a snippet.
I would like to highlight some other examples of some of the more obscure pieces of legislation brought before a Westminster system of government. For instance, it is against the law to die in the English parliament—only a couple of years ago it was voted the stupidest law in Britain.
Under the Metropolitan Police Act 1839, you cannot fire a cannon if it is placed within 300 yards of a dwelling. Nor can you walk along the pavement with a plank of wood. And then there is the 1279 law banning the wearing of a suit of armour in the parliament! And apparently it is perfectly legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow—provided you do not do it on a Sunday.
In 1848, only 167 years ago, it was an act of treason to place a postage stamp with the monarch’s head upside down. There was the Scottish Licensing Act of 1872 that forbade anyone from operating a cow while intoxicated. Going topless in Liverpool was outlawed unless you were a clerk in a tropical fish store, but I do not quite understand why and I am not sure how that would have worked with Lady Godiva only a few suburbs away in Coventry
Hmmm … and we all thought paid parental leave entitlements and regal knighthoods were howling at the moon.
But the loopiness of the world is not restricted to pommy parliament. The world of books has its share of dingbats, as witnessed by The ‘Pie’s favorite annual event, the Diagram Oddest Book Titles list.
There seems to be a theme involving excreta running through these awards over the years, the winners of which are chosen by a special panel set up by Diagram Books. The winner this year is …
Unfortunately, it is not clear if we’re talking about date: the activity or date: the companion … if the latter, that would put in the exotic niche interest section of publishing. No matter, anyway, it sort of wiped the floor with the second placegetter, which is also extremely unfortunate …
Don’t know about you, but The ‘Pie is pretty sure he knows where feces originate, and is far more concerned about where they end up.
Colonic effusions have been the subject chosen by previous winners, like …
… and then there’s this well known one, which comes from the cook’s nickname which means ‘crab’ in Thai.
Two contenders which should probably be required reading by Astonisher staff are …
… and this one which perhaps details the feelings of the Astonisher journos when they pick up the morning paper.
And one for the mounted coppers …
But if you fancy the thrill of living on the edge, here’s the one for you.
Knit one, pearl two and moving on.
Finally, a pic sent in that is supposed to be taken the office of a venereal doctor in Japan, who recommends a certain product.
It is said that if the switch stays up for more than four hours, the good doctor suggests it would be best to call an erectrcian.
Oh, and that serves as a reminder about the new nickname for a VERY well known personage around town, who is, putting it is the politest terms, a lady’s man … a raving ladies man, actually. Unkind people say he just can’t keep it in his pants, but hey, c’mon, that could just be a wardrobe malfunction. But they’re an unforgiving bunch, the local wits. They have now taken to referring to our romeo as The Koala
… because he’s always looking for a fork to lay up in.
